People Who Stop Going to Meetings Don’t See What Happens to the People Who Stop – Diane M.

About This Speaker Tape

Diane M. takes the Monday night Blue Chip Speakers meeting on Naba Zoom and tells a long, layered story built around an April 1993 sobriety date out of Atlanta. She grew up in Chattanooga with parents who barely drank, but from her first drunk — a three-week trip to Europe at sixteen where she blacked out most nights — alcohol was the point. Ten years of in-and-out at Knoxville, Miller Lite ponies at a QT gas station before Friday morning class, and a running boast that she would fight anyone for the car keys laid down the pattern: she loved to drink and drive.

The wreckage stacked fast. Her brother's roommate, whom she was dating, was killed by a drunk driver; a coworker was killed by a drunk driver going the wrong way on the interstate; her mother died suddenly — all inside one year. She finally finished her degree, moved to Memphis, hated it, and landed in Atlanta in 1986. A DUI at thirty did nothing — she drank before DUI school. Her last drinking year lost her a relationship, a career, and a best friend to AIDS, and ended with another blackout wreck into a wall outside her apartment. On April 5, 1993, hungover at a Taco Mac shift in Windy Hill, she watched the same coworkers from ten years earlier and realized she would still be there if something did not change.

She got sober at Glono, a gay clubhouse, and later moved to Clarkston where she finally began accepting herself. She had to throw out the punishing childhood religion entirely before she could trust a Higher Power she could actually talk to, and she freely borrows other people's Higher Powers when theirs sounds better than hers. Her ninth step centered on a long financial amends to her father — she had been charging her friends' lunches to his credit card and pocketing the cash — which she paid monthly until he asked her to stop and keep sending the notes instead. Her amends to her older brother for the 1966 Mustang she destroyed became spending weekends with his kids at the zoo.

Twenty-seven years in, Diane credits sponsors she wore out on the phone, the 9:30 day meeting, long service through Clarkston inner group, and the people who forced her to keep showing up. She cried every time she shared for two years. She went back to school four times in early sobriety — three degrees in ten years versus the one degree drinking took her ten years to finish — and names the ordinary miracle plainly: people who stop going to meetings do not see what happens to people who stop going to meetings.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Julie opens Monday night Blue Chip Speakers meeting on Naba Zoom, reads the page 29 preamble and introduces Diane from the 9:30 group
• 4:30 Diane opens — sobriety date April 1993, 20-plus years at Clarkston, first time doing Zoom
• 8:00 Chattanooga childhood, non-drinking parents, her father always handed the keys over — she would fight you for them
• 14:00 Three-week trip to Europe at sixteen, drank every chance, blacked out nights, came home with pictures she could not describe
• 22:00 Ten years in and out at Knoxville; brother's roommate killed by drunk driver, coworker killed by drunk driver, mother dies — all in one year
• 32:00 Atlanta 1986; DUI at thirty, drinks before DUI school while a non-alcoholic friend picking up trash never drinks and drives again
• 42:00 Last drinking year — lost job, best friend dying of AIDS, blackout wreck into her own apartment wall, tries rules about how many beers she can have
• 50:00 April 5, 1993 at Taco Mac in Windy Hill; same coworkers from ten years earlier, realizes she will still be there if nothing changes, does not drink
• 58:00 First meeting at Glono gay clubhouse, picks up a white chip; later moves to Clarkston and finally begins accepting herself
• 1:06:00 Ninth step — monthly financial amends to her father with notes in the envelope; amends to older brother for the wrecked 1966 Mustang becomes weekends at the zoo with his kids