Not So Bad Means Nothing — an Alcoholic Who Needs to Be the Best or the Worst but Never the Middle – Nancy M.

About This Speaker Tape

Nancy M. shares her story of getting sober in 1971 at age 26, when she was a young mother of three boys in California — twins who were three and another son who was one. She describes years of daily drinking while trying to care for her children, the shame of hiding her alcoholism, and the night her husband finally confronted her. After calling her brother-in-law, a Catholic priest, she was directed to her first AA meeting, where she arrived drunk, threw up on the floor, and was immediately surrounded by thirty members who hadn't seen a newcomer in months.

After four months of sobriety without a sponsor — paralyzed by fear of calling the women who gave her their numbers — Nancy relapsed on tranquilizers and wine, drove the California freeway hoping to get arrested, and woke up face-down in her own vomit on blue shag carpet. She returned to her tough home group, where a woman offered to be her interim sponsor. Doing her fourth and fifth steps cracked open the door to recovery, though she nearly quit AA rather than read her secrets aloud.

Nancy traces the arc of her 21 years of sobriety through three marriages, learning to stop being a doormat, and the slow discovery that her purpose lay in sponsoring other women. She describes moving to Minnesota after 15 years sober and learning within two weeks that pulling back from service sent her spiraling into the same purposelessness she felt as a newcomer. She now sponsors many young women and considers them like daughters.

In later sobriety, Nancy pursued stand-up comedy — performing at bowling alleys across the Dakotas — did segments on a TV sports show, and most recently was hired as a flight attendant, something she never imagined possible. She credits every bit of growth to doing the things that terrified her, from leading meetings while shaking uncontrollably to approaching newcomers she felt intimidated by. She closes by affirming the words a man spoke over her the night she threw up at her first meeting: that alcoholics are chosen by Higher Power.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Nancy introduces herself and the five women she brought from Minneapolis, joking about auctioning them off
• 4:30 Describes being 26 with three small boys, drinking daily, begging Higher Power each morning not to drink and then finding a reason to take one drink
• 9:00 The night she tried to leave her family — calling an old boyfriend to take her to the next town, husband saying 'you can't run away from it'
• 12:00 Calling her brother-in-law the priest in Pennsylvania, admitting for the first time she had a drinking problem; five alcoholic brothers, father died of alcoholism
• 15:00 Getting ready for her first meeting in an orange polyester pantsuit matching her damaged orange hair; describes dyeing her hair and rearranging furniture while drinking alone
• 19:00 Arriving at the meeting at 9:25, throwing up on the floor, all thirty members following her to the parking lot — ring around the newcomer
• 24:00 Relapse at four months — stealing mother's tranquilizers, drinking a half-gallon of wine, driving the freeway hoping for arrest, waking face-down on blue shag carpet
• 30:00 Getting a sponsor, doing her fourth step with traps set to detect snooping, nearly resigning from AA rather than do her fifth step
• 36:00 Moving to Minnesota after 15 years sober, pulling back from service, and within two weeks feeling the same despair as a newcomer
• 42:00 Pursuing stand-up comedy at bowling alleys, doing TV sports segments, getting hired as a flight attendant — crediting AA for the courage to try