Newsflash — You Can’t Drink Anymore, What the Hell Are You So Grateful About? 🫠 – Mike B.

Hi, my name is Mike Bach. I'm an alcoholic. And I want to thank Chuck for asking me last night actually to come here and do this. It's always an honor to come up here and do this kind of thing. It's not my favorite thing in the whole wide world, but there's a sense of real privilege to do something like this. And to do anything in Alcoholics Anonymous, because by all rights, I should be dead. And I'm not. I'm here, and I'm sober, and I'm very happy about that. But I guess I'll do some housecleaning first. My sobriety date is June 3rd of 2003. And what that means to me is that from that day to this one, I haven't had an alcoholic drink or anything else to tune my head. And I was never able to do that for not, you know, almost six years and certainly, I mean, not six hours. I was one of those kind of people who just couldn't be where I was and doing what I was doing. I always had to have something or take something. And to be somewhere else. And it's strictly through AA and nothing else that's given me that time, and I'm very grateful for it. I have a home group. That group is actually right here in St. Pete. It's the Simple Solution Group. It meets at St. Petey's Church Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays at 8 p.m. It's a topic discussion group. And I know you guys are doing something on Mondays, but Wednesday and Saturday, we'd love to have you. And I have a sponsor. His name is Sandy B. And he's been... He's been showing me how to do this thing ever since I moved down here. And I'm very grateful to have him in my life. And showing me more about what it is to be a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Like... I forget the guy, the secretary's name, but he... Like he alluded to, I am from... Andy, thank you. I am from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I was born and raised there. Spent up until age 18, basically, living there and growing up there. I came from a very good home of non-alcoholics. Parents, a non... A disgustingly normal brother, actually. I mean... You know, one of those guys that just really upsets the crap out of an alcoholic. You know, it's... You know... I'd be ordering my third, and he'd be halfway through his first. And, you know... And then he'd say, I'm starting to feel it. We should go home. And I'm like... You know... Just the worst person to drink with. And by the time I got to AA, the only person who would drink with me, actually. And he wouldn't do it all that often, and he tried to rein me in, as a lot of people did. So, like I said, I had a nice upbringing. I was wanting for very little in terms of material needs or being schooled or provided for. I wasn't abused physically or anything like that. And my earliest memories of drinking were actually very fond. Milwaukee, for those of you who may not have been... We drank. We drank there. A lot. And, you know, I've been to AA, and I had a job where I used to travel throughout the country. And people say, no one parties like they do in such and such a town. And I'm like... Not even close. And I used to kind of put that as a point of pride that, you know, Milwaukee gets more screwed up than any other town in the country. But it's just the way it is. And especially, not so much now. I think it's kind of turned the corner. But, I mean, when I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, I mean, no one did anything without drinking. And I'm not saying that everybody in Milwaukee is an alcoholic by any stretch. I mean, most of them were just heavy drinkers, and they knew how to have a good time. And, I mean, it was not uncommon back in the 70s and 80s to drive down any given street in Milwaukee and at an intersection see a tavern on all four corners. And people drank everywhere. And that's sporting events and church festivals. And it was just part of our thing. And some people say that's the German, you know, influx. We have a lot of Germans and Poles in Milwaukee, and that's part of it. I don't really know where it came from. All I know is, I mean, people didn't care if you drank on the job. And cops would let you go if, you know, you were driving with, like, a .2 blood alcohol level. I mean, you know, cops would come in and drink on duty. And, you know, I mean, it was just the kind of place it was. But I never saw what came to be true for me, which was really the ugly side of alcoholism. You know, my dad would drink every now and again. And he would get soused. And, I mean, sometimes. . . He got very verbal. But, I mean, nothing like I turned out to be. And I never saw that really anywhere in my family, or at least I wasn't able to recognize it when I was growing up. I've heard that some of my relatives were alcoholics and, you know, and died because of it. But that, you know, I never saw that. I just saw people having a blast and having a good time and socializing. I mean, you know, you'd go to, like, the Bavarian Inn, which, I mean, only in Milwaukee would you have a place called the Bavarian Inn. And, you know, there'd be a guy yodeling on the accordion. And people would be drinking. And there'd be the beers made with the Steins going around. And it wasn't Oktoberfest. This was, like, you know, Sunday. And so, and the reason, you know, so I had a great home. And I grew up in a drinking town. And the reason I say I mention all this kind of stuff is despite all that stuff going around that happened and the environment I grew up in. . . You know, I believe that my alcoholism is entirely self-inflicted. That, you know, I'm not a drunk because I'm from Milwaukee. I'm not a drunk because my parents failed me in some way. I'm not a drunk because of some catastrophic event that happened in my life. As far as I know, my brother went through some of the same stuff and worse that I did. And he didn't turn out having to come to an AA meeting to save his life. You know, he turned out to be just fine. And a lot of my friends did, too, even though they may have had their times. So for me, you know, it's important that I realize that no one did this to me, you know. It's something that, you know, I brought upon myself. And I'm not really sure what the mechanics are of it. And I have yet to hear a satisfactory explanation of why I am an alcoholic. It doesn't really matter. I've got it. So, you know, the whys are kind of, you know, moot at that point. And so anyway, you know. . . . . That's all that drinking going on. I remember, you know, every now and again somebody would give me a sip. And I remember distinctly not liking the taste. It was mainly beer. And I just looked, ugh, you know. And people were like, no, like you, fine, more for me. And I'm like . . . You know, so I didn't like the taste. And I remember we were on a . . . my parents and I were on vacation down here. I don't know, somewhere like Fort Myers or somewhere like that. And I, just to feel like I was in a tropical climate, you know, I ordered like a Virgin daiquiri or something like that. And the bartender screwed up, and, you know, it had rum in it. And it just made it taste to me vile that there was, I just, ooh, this isn't candy. This stuff is disgusting. And so it wasn't like, you know, I had an experience where it's like, oh, wow, I can't wait to do this each and every day, you know, early on. And there was nothing that I saw that said, well, I can't wait to start drinking. And I certainly did not anticipate that alcohol would do for me what it did. But I would find out. And that happened when I was 16 years old. And, again, still at this point, even though a lot of my classmates and stuff are drinking and partying and stuff, I had no interest really in doing that to the extent that they seemed to be doing it. You know, I was more interested in sports and that kind of stuff. But anyway, so I wasn't going to weekend parties to whosever parents were out of town or anything like that. But, yeah. I did want to go to this one party, not because there was drinking going on or anything like that, but because there was a girl I had a mad crush on. I mean, just insane. I mean, just like, you know, I just thought she was it. And she was the one whose parents were out of town that weekend, thus Kegger at her place. And so I finagled in it, you know, and it made it cool to some people. I was not a very well-adjusted kid. And I hear that a lot. You know, among alcoholics and people say different things. I felt less than. I felt different. I didn't feel like I fit in. Yeah. Okay. That's pretty much me. You know, I always felt like everybody else had something that I didn't have. That I, you know, I was missing a piece of equipment, you know, to live life and to do well. It just seemed, you know, that I always felt in over my head no matter where I was or what I was doing. And it's, and... It seemed as if everybody else lived life with this kind of ease and, you know, they just, they just rolled along and they weren't fazed by the things, you know, on a daily basis that I was. It just seemed like that. And, you know, at best I was jealous of them. At worst, I hated their guts. That punk doing well in school and letterman on the sports team. What a bastard. You know, and I would just, I would get angry at folks like that, you know. But anyway, I finagled this in. I was invited to this party and so I showed up and the first thing I see is this girl making out with another guy. And I'm crushed because I had been fighting over this girl for like six months. And was, I mean, and I was a really shy kid and I couldn't talk, I couldn't talk to guys, much less girls at that time. And I was, I was really insecure at the time. I was very short. I was like 5'4". I mean, I, you know, I hadn't grown yet and, you know, I had some acne going on and all this kind of stuff. And so it took everything I had to basically even get the... get the guts to go to the party to try and maybe talk to this girl. And when I saw that, I was, I was devastated for the next, I don't know, two minutes or so until I pan the room and saw the, the keg of beer. And I, basically my attitude was not, well, this is going to fix me or this is going to make everything all right. But this is what everybody else seems to be doing. So this is what I'm going to go do too. And I, I've told people that my first... My first, I don't know, four, five, six, seven beers were not out of your standard drinking implement. They, not out of a cup or out of a bottle. They were out of beer bongs or what we used to call horns, which is like the beer bong without the two. And some upperclassmen were having some fun with me, you know, and just said, hey, let's get back drunk. And, you know, and that's how it started. And somewhere in between doing all those beer bongs, which I, by the way, I didn't really refuse or say no or anything like that, you know. But everything, and I mean everything, in my life changed. And that girl I was pining over, the attitude all of a sudden was, never mind her, there'll be more and all this kind of stuff. And, you know, I was just, this was it. I was, it does, drinking like that did everything, you know, and having that alcohol in my system did everything for me that I had wanted in life, basically. It made me feel that way. It didn't do it. It made me feel that way. It's a point I want to make. It's very clear. You know, I remember being in my first AA meetings and hearing people say, well, it made me bigger and stronger and faster and a better dancer. It really didn't make you that way. You just felt that way. You know, I mean, and, but the feeling was so powerful. And, you know, and all of a sudden I'm talking to girls and I'm dancing. I don't even, I'm glad there are no pictures. I just, you know, and I'm, you know, and I'm, I'm getting, you know, I'm, I'm kind of getting the beer muscles going with some of the jocks and all this kind of stuff. And, and I mean, I just felt on top of the world. But like I said, that's how I felt. How I was was probably pretty much the same way, just a bit obnoxious. You know, I mean, an example would be, you know, I could talk to girls and the way it would sound in my head when I approached said girl would be, you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. And she would go, what really came out was more like, I, and, and she would, and, and she would, I got this look a lot. This, you know, gross, you know, and that kind of thing. And I mean, that happened all throughout my life. But I mean, it didn't matter because how I, I mean, alcohol. Alcohol made me basically invincible. And I don't mean that in a physical sense. Whatever anybody said, I didn't care. How many, how people looked at me, I didn't care. I got later on, I mean, the consequences got more serious. It wasn't a nasty look from a girl. It was getting cuffed up or it was getting beat up or whatever it was. And I, and I just didn't care. If I took a few drinks, I was okay again. And it turns out, I come to find in AA, that not everybody responds to booze like that. And people feel funny, you know, people maybe loosen up a little bit. But this entire psychic change, you know, the proverbial new pair of glasses, you know, that, that happened to me didn't happen to, didn't happen, doesn't happen to most folks. I went home that night and I, you know, I was pretty stupid, but I didn't drive. And I'll never forget my dad seeing me walk in. And my parents had been out too. And at this time, my dad's not drinking, my mom. He has always been a social drinker. And, you know, and my mom was like, well, welcome home and all that kind of stuff. And she dallied up to bed and my dad looked at me, are you okay? I'm like, fine. And he's like, and he kind of knew what was coming. And, and I didn't know what was coming. I did not know the leg trick yet. So when I went to bed, the room started spinning a million miles an hour. And I basically threw up my guts all over. The place and, um, you know, it was bad. And, um, but I remember from that day on, I got grounded like for life, but I remember from that day on that, um, that anytime I could, I'm going to do this again, that getting in trouble with my parents and, you know, whatever else people said happened, doesn't matter. This feeling is like, it's like the fountain of youth, you know? I mean, it was incredible to me. And so anytime I could, I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. And that would progress into high school, into college. And, and early on, I went to, I went to college basically, um, for athletics and, you know, I was able to keep it pretty clean during the seasons I was in training. But after that, you know, I mean, I remember I was a cross country runner and you, you would run these very long races through wooded trails and stuff like that. And you basically want to die because it was just a, it was a painful endeavor. And this was enough. It's a lot. It was enough. It was so hard. You know, and I remember, and I remember being in the state of New York where everything's like this, you know, and, and I remember crossing the finish line in my last race and saying, pretty soon I'm going to be drinking, you know, not that I finished 10th in the New York region or anything like that. It's like, screw the trophy. I want to drink, you know? And, and that was also a guiding thing in my life. And, um, you know, I got out of college and I remember the day I graduated, we had a, we had something between the, the, the day of my last exam and, and between the day of my last exam and the day of my last college. and between the day I graduated, there was a week. They jokingly or they laughingly called it senior week, which basically means all seniors get really, really plotched and hope you don't die before graduation. And that's basically what we did. And my parents came. They drove all the way from Milwaukee to upstate New York where I was going to school, and I was just a mess. And I drank a lot, and, you know, I'm one of those alcoholics who when you drink, things seem like a good idea when they're really not, you know. I mean, you ever have that when someone says, here, take this, and you say, okay, then you ask what it is? You know, I mean, that's pretty much what I did during this week. And I didn't know where I was. The guy sitting next to me in our cap and gowns on the hottest day ever was, I think, on planet Pluto or something like that. He just was a mess, and I was a mess. And my budget. But as messed up as I was, I'll never forget the look of disappointment in my parents' eyes when they saw me like that. You know, and here they had worked really hard to make sure, you know, I was well-educated and all that kind of stuff. And they knew probably right at the time, long before I did, that I was just a drunk. I didn't give a damn about improving my life or starting a career or anything like this. They knew. I was all about the drinking, and it upset them terribly. Despite all my best efforts, I ended up getting a job down in Washington, D.C., where I lived for about nine years. And I wish I could tell you about it, but I don't remember most of it. I honestly don't. I had a job with Congress. I know that I worked for a law firm. And all I had to do was show up at that law firm each and every day, do my work, which I could very easily do, and I would get a free ride to one of the best law schools in the country. But no. I started getting, I would show up liquored up and all that kind of stuff. And, I mean, that's a thing. I mean, when I came to AA, you know, my first sponsor told me that, you know, the way you measure an alcoholic is the importance you place on booze, and the way you measure the importance you place on booze is what you're willing to give up in order to get it. And by the time I'm in my mid-20s, I had given up career opportunities. I had given up relationships. I had given up a successful education, which was well within my reach. I just didn't care. And by the mid-20s, no longer speaking to my parents, so I was willing to give up a relationship with my family. By my mid-20s, I had almost died a few times, so very clearly I was willing to give up my life to drink. And I also got involved in dealing with some really tough guys, doing some really bad things. And it seemed like a good idea at the time, but it was a horrible idea. And talk about feeling in over your head. There was no amount of booze or anything else. There was nothing on the planet that didn't make me wake up terrified, wondering if I was going to live through the day or not, wondering if somebody was going to come up behind me and put a bullet in my brain. But that's what I did. And one of the things that I hear other alcoholics say that is true in my story is I started doing things as a result of my need for alcohol that I would have thought unthinkable a year before. Unacceptable. I mean, downright morally reprehensible. I would never do that. And here I am a year later doing that and worse. And I found myself doing that a lot. And, you know, as alcoholics can sometimes do, I managed to live through that time in my life without getting executed, without getting arrested for anything serious or looking at any serious prison time. But it was just, you know, I was really lucky. I mean, there's... And people say... I have trouble for me personally saying it's God's grace that got me through that, you know, because I'm convinced that if I had kept on doing it, I would not have survived it. And I knew people who were certainly no worse than I was who didn't live through it. And they were just like me. And I remember talking about that time in my life, you know, later on. And even when I was early in AA, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about this. And I'm kind of talking like I'm, you know, Pablo. Let's go bar or something like that, you know. And I was a mule, basically, is what I was. And I was doing grunt work that, you know, gave, you know, that got me exposed to law enforcement to rival people a lot. You know, I mean, I was a human shield for the guys, basically, that I was working for. But I was desperate, you know. I was willing to do anything. And I did a lot of... I did a lot of other stuff. And I don't want to get into a debate about the fifth tradition and semantics and all that kind of stuff from the podium. But what I will say is that booze was always there. And the reason I'm in Alcoholics Anonymous is because I relate to the alcoholic of the type described in our literature 100% without any reservation. And all that other stuff is part of my story, but also, I mean, ancillary, you know. I did a lot of other things. I did a lot of other things that could have killed me. And like I said, once I started drinking, anything seemed possible, like doing this much of that stuff. And I was in pretty bad shape. And eventually, I ended up right around 9-11 having to run, not because of 9-11, but because of the spot I was in. Not with the law, but with the other side of it. And I knew I had to get out or I wouldn't survive. You know, they would find me and they'd kill me. And so... Gotta go. And so I took off. And being the self-centered alcoholic, it never crossed my mind to think, hey, these guys might follow me or find me when I'm living with my parents who I was running to. You know, I just didn't think about that. I put on my best... Mom, I want to turn my life around. And I just need a little time to crash and not pay rent and, you know, and do all this kind of stuff. And so I did that. And around that time, I was... I was diagnosed with cancer. And it's the kind of cancer that, believe it or not, can be caused by drinking. And the first question my doctor asked was, not how much do you smoke or what are your life habits or do you eat enough mushrooms or anything like that. It was, how much do you drink? And I'm like, a little bit. I had surgery. I survived the cancer. I drank through the chemo. Just crazy stuff. No, no... Okay. Normal people don't do that. You know, normal people don't miss drinking when they're going through chemotherapy. Or, you know, recovering from bypass surgery or anything like that. I mean, you know, they're not asking the nurse for a beer, you know. And, you know, I don't know why, but that's not how they are. And so... But that's the kind of guy I was. And... But it did give me enough pause. And every now and again, I would have these... I hate the term moments of clarity because I don't think there's anything clear about my existence. Even now. But I would have these... I would have these kind of like epiphanies. Like, you know what? You shouldn't be doing this. You shouldn't be living this way. You shouldn't... This is not what you were meant to be. This is not what you were meant to do. And they were heartfelt at the time. And usually right after those times would come, you know, a resolution. You know, it's talked about a lot in the big book. And, you know, I meant it. I'm not going to drink anymore. You know, this is just wrong. You know, this is... This is causing some problems. And sometimes... Sometimes it would be to another person. You know, a family member, a girlfriend, whoever it may be. And those, you know... For some reason, it didn't bother me as much when I blew those off. Because, you know, maybe I was... Oh, I was just trying to shut them up or placate them or something like that. You know, I mean... But oftentimes, I made those resolutions to myself looking in the mirror. And when I broke those and couldn't blame it on anybody else, it was devastating. You know, it's heartbreaking. And I come to find that's powerlessness. You know, when you make a promise to yourself of nobody around that you're going to change your life and there's nothing you can do about it, congratulations, you're powerless over alcohol, your life is unmanageable. And I didn't understand that until I came in the AA. So, after I get out of the chemo, I kind of... I had one of these things. And so I had a plan. If you're new here and you're wondering, why people are laughing at the plan, it's because it doesn't work. And all of us probably had one. And, I mean, when your life is unmanageable, what that means is your plans won't work. And the other thing I'm going to say is that if you're new here and you have a way and you think AA is the support group for your way, that won't work either. Okay? Okay? AA is a way. And, I mean, I, you know, I forgot to say this at the beginning, but I'm talking about my experiences in AA. And for those of you who are new, it's really important. Chuck asked me last night to do this because my girlfriend, who thinks I'm the best speaker on the planet, told her about me. I mean, he never even heard me speak before. So he has no idea what he's getting. And the reason I bring this up is because I'm not sponsoring anybody from the podium. And I'm telling you what my experiences are. And if you have trouble with any of this, which I usually get a little joy out of, but, I mean, if any of this troubles you, I would, don't let it stop you from coming to another meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, please. I mean, this is, you know, we have a lot of fun here and we have a lot of laughs, but in the end, we're dealing with what is termed by many and our book as a fatal condition, fatal disease, fatal allergy, whatever you want to call it. It is very serious underneath all of this. Okay? So please, don't let the fact that, you know, I offend you or somebody else offends you or that somebody bothers you or what somebody says, you know, troubles you in some way. Find somebody at the meeting, talk to them about it. Talk to your sponsor. If you don't have a sponsor, get one. Love you. And so, so anyway, I do this thing where I make a promise and I decide, and I kind of like the way you guys read more about alcoholism, you know, because that was my little more about alcoholism. That was my version of Chapter 3 between the time I got out of chemo and the time I came to AA. And it was, I'm only going to drink on the weekends and I'm only going to drink this much. And for a little while, I was able to do that. I did not enjoy it. I was always wanting more when I had my sixth and final beer over the course of five hours. I thought this sucks. I thought God was being unfair to put me in this position. But I managed to keep to it. And the thing was, I wasn't feeling any better. As a matter of fact, I was getting more miserable. And the day after my birthday, I went out and, you know, I was doing the plan, the plan again. And I was just about to leave the bar with my six beers over so many hours and all that kind of stuff. And I ran into a guy I used to drink with 10 years previous. And up in Milwaukee, we played dice. It's like, you know, it's like Yahtzee, but with drinking involved. And, you know, you lose, you buy so many drinks. So we played that for the next seven, eight hours until they threw us out. And I was just a mess. And I don't, I mean, I did a lot of pathetic and disgusting stuff when I was drinking. I mean, not arch criminal or anything, just disgusting. You know, but that's by far, and I won't go into details, but it was the most disgusting night of my life. And, you know, and everybody who was around me was just, I mean, just mortified. Right. And I also woke up. I woke up and decided that, you know what, I've been making plans not to drink, and they haven't been working. And I actually, I have, in the last couple of months, I've woken up mornings deciding I'm not going to drink anymore, and I find myself drinking anyway. There's got to be some place I can go. And I'm not, I mean, I'm not sheltered. I mean, I'd been to AA meetings before. The judge would send me to some, and people would go, well, I love myself now. And I'd just think, good for you. And... But I... But I knew, I knew that, you know, I should, for some reason, I went to another meeting. I called into work with the Budweiser flu and attended my first AA meeting. And it was at this, it is the nicest club I have ever seen in my entire life. They have leather couches in good condition there. I mean, they have pianos and Tiffany this and Chippendale that, and, you know, really just gorgeous place. And everybody, I remember walking into this place. And another thing I want to say for the benefit of the newcomer, there's a lot of people who showed some amount of courage in standing up and saying that they were new in AA. But I also know that there are people, if not in this meeting, in most meetings, who are new, who don't stand up, because I didn't stand up. I didn't want to get to know you people. I didn't want to be in AA. I didn't want the sum effort of my entire life to result in me being a fallover, stupid, idiot, drunk. And going to AA, for me, meant that that's what I was, and nothing else. And so, I was not happy to be here. And the only reason I mention that is it is not a requirement for you to be in AA and to get sober, to be happy to be here. Or to be, my favorite, grateful. I'm a grateful alcoholic. And I remember hearing that when I was new and being like, what? Grateful? Newsflash, you can't drink anymore. What the hell are you so grateful about? And I would be, you know. But there was something that was, the main reason, and you know, I try not to reflect on this too much, but I think the main reason I was going to AA was, one, I was living with my folks, and they were fixing to throw me out. I had just gotten a job that was already fixing to fire me. And I wanted some place to go where it seemed as if, you know, I was going to AA. And AA is actually the only place I was welcome. You know? The more of a screw-up you are, the more you're welcome here. You know? They hate you everywhere else. We love you. We'll clap for you even. And, you know. And up where I got sober, they would say, you know, in the Milwaukee area, this is something that irks me to this day. But, I mean, after the meeting, everybody hugs one another. And, you know. I kind of got used to it. And I didn't hug everybody. But, you know. I just kind of did that handshaking thing. And, you know. Because I didn't. But I remember when I was new, I just thought this was, I just thought it sucked. I mean, you know. And some real cheerful woman was talking about her serenity and her gratitude and her higher power and all this kind of stuff. Would look at me like, and I'm like, you know, just, why do I have to be here? And. And then she would come up and see that look in my face. And looks like somebody needs a hug. And I'd be like. And all I wanted to do was jet. But there was something in me that knew I had nowhere else to go. I really didn't. I mean. And I think that in one way or another, every alcoholic realizes that. That, I mean, you know. The big book explains to us that we have two options. One is to live life on a spiritual basis. And one is to basically die. And one is to basically die drunk. I don't think that's an exact quote, but that's basically what it says. I wouldn't have minded dying at that time in my life. The problem was it wasn't happening. I didn't have the guts to, you know, get a gun or anything like that. Or even commit suicide or, you know, even think about it really. I was kind of hoping for a death that would require as little effort on my part as possible. And it wasn't happening. And I became convinced that that's how the rest of. I was going to live a very long time just like that. Feeling progressively worse. Hating everything around me. I mean, there's a lot of drunks who talk about, you know, they look at their lives. And they can't look at one thing and say, well, we're doing good over here. And I couldn't do that. I couldn't point to one aspect of my life that gave me any, you know, any comfort. Any solace. Any worth of any kind. And so I kept on coming to meetings. And for my first four days, I, you know, I would just go to this fancy posh club. And I'd listen to people talk about serenity. And I'd get sick to my stomach. And they didn't want to hug me. And I'd want to break their neck. And, you know, I was not a happy camper, you know. And one thing looking back at that time was. I know there's other newcomers like me who are cocky and arrogant and angry and all that kind of stuff. And what I want to say to you is the same thing I want to say to the happy one who comes in here. Is that you're welcome here. And that there is an answer for you here. And you don't have to like it. And you don't have to believe in it. It doesn't have to feel good. You just have to do it. And all the other stuff, the bad feelings and all that kind of stuff will take care of itself through action. And my fifth meeting I went to. Or my fifth day. I don't know. My ninth or tenth meeting. I ran into a guy. And like I said, I never announced I was new. But that's not always a requirement for an alcoholic to figure out that you're new. You just kind of wear it like you're wearing, you know, a coat. And he came up and talked to me. And he said, do you have a sponsor? And I said, no. And he said, well, it sounds like you're not too serious about AA. And I'm like, what? I've only been here four days, man. Cut me some slack. He said, did booze cut you any slack? And I'm like, you know. He asked me these questions that I had no answer to, that he had me stumped on. And we went outside. And people up to that time, people were nice. And people were talking to me and stuff and saying, well, you know, give me a call when you want to help. And, you know, pick up that phone before you start drinking. I've been in AA close to six years. I have yet to hear an alcoholic call me before they pick up. They usually call afterward saying, can you bail me out or, you know, that kind of stuff. . And this guy's approach was a little different. He made me feel like crap. He told me the truth about myself. And he said, come to a meeting. Okay. And so he actually doesn't scream. That was my embellishment. It seems his grand sponsor or my grand sponsor, his sponsor, screamed, yelled, and screamed a lot. I yell and scream a lot. It seems to skip generations. And, you know, so he said, you know, come to a meeting tomorrow and do these things. And I remember the next day we met. He talked to me for another hour and a half or so in the parking lot. He says, okay, here's what we're going to do. Mind you, I haven't asked him to be my sponsor. I think he kind of knew that I wasn't the kind of guy who asked someone, you know. And that, you know, if I waited, you know, I think he had this feeling that, you know, this guy waits to find the sponsor that's right for him. You know, you don't know what the sponsor, the sponsor that's right for you if you don't have one is anybody but you. Start there and see what you, you know. See how it turns out, you know. You running your life got you in AA and almost got you killed. Give somebody else a shot. And so I basically, the next day, and he laid all these things. He said, we're going to do five things on a daily basis that are not negotiable. If you don't like it, you can find another sponsor. I'm like, God, I can really feel the love right now. And he said, we're going to go to a meeting every day. You're going to come to the meetings. You're going to come to the meetings that I go to. You're going to go to the other meetings I tell you to go to. And we're going to talk before and after. And you're not allowed to leave until I say you can. You're going to do everything I tell you. And one of, some of those things, and it's a common direction in AA that, thank you, that's under controversy is, you know, no dating. And so I didn't date for my first year. What I realized is that I didn't know a thing about a relationship until I took the steps and understood who I was. He said, you're going to pray and meditate. And I said, well, I don't know how I feel about God. And he said, well, how do you feel about dying? And I said, not too good. And he said, well, why don't you pray? And he said, you're going to read the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I don't care if you've all read it already. You're going to keep on reading it. And to this day, I keep on reading a page of that every day. And most importantly, you're going to work with other alcoholics, one on one. That everything else that you're going to do in AA, you're going to do it. Everything else that you're going to do in AA is backdrop for this. Taking the steps, service commitments, and all these things are very important. But what those are all preparing you to do and fitting you to do is to find a God of your own understanding and following that God's direction to be of service to him and those about you. And for you, what that is, is carrying the message of AA to another alcoholic. And I've done a lot of other things. And as usual, I got really long winded and got ahead of myself. So I kind of want to wrap this up by telling a story. I saw John speak last night. That's how I got roped into doing this thing. And I could tell you that wonderful things have happened to me in Alcoholics Anonymous. I had this terrible fear of hospitals. Terrible fear. One time, somebody cut me up with a box cutter really good. And it wasn't life-threatening, but it was beyond a Band-Aid. And I was so scared of going to the hospital that I went to a Walgreens or a CVS or something like that, bleeding from my face and through my shirt and all this kind of stuff. And I'm like, give me the gauze and the Band-Aids and the peroxide. Whatchamacallit and the Dr. Pepper. And, you know, because I didn't want to go to the hospital. Now, I work in a hospital. I was, before I was working in hospitals, and John's topic last night made me think of this. We were all talking about amazing experiences in AA. I had a time in my life, I was about two and a half years sober. And everything was just not going. My way. If you're scared about things not going your way, stop having a way. And then you don't have to worry about it. But, anyway, things were not going my way. My girlfriend and I were split up over something. I wanted to shoot half the members of my home group at the time because of a business meeting we had where they clearly did the wrong thing. And I was having an argument with my folks and things were tough at work. It turns out, this is right after Katrina hit New Orleans, and I was working for a roofing company, a large one. So, the week, we go to work, and we sit around a table, and they say, we need a couple estimators to go down to New Orleans and assess the damage and take core cuts and do all this kind of stuff that people in my line of work do. No one wanted this. No one wanted to go down there. I mean, they gave us a layout of where we'd have to stay and all that kind of stuff. But I'm like, get me the hell out of here. And so my hand went up, and I said, I'll go. And so for the next weeks, I went down to New Orleans. It was about a couple months after the hurricane hit. And I'm just thinking, my life sucks. And, you know, one of the most amazing things that ever happened to me. There was a guy, and I was on a roof, which you could take a boat to, to get to the roof. You just step out, and there you are on the roof. And I was on top of this roof, and I hear a guy over talking about, you know, any AA around here? I said, well, I'm a drunk. And it turns out, you know, I had to finish up working. I said, why don't you see what you can find and bring it back to the roof of the Winn-Dixie. . And, but, I mean, there's no central office. There's no intergroup. There's no helpline. There's no nothing. You know, the power of God and AA in a case like this. I mean, if I had any doubts up to that point, they were gone that day. And about a dozen drunks came to that makeshift meeting without anything but a little word of mouth and a little God in their lives. And it was an incredible experience. . And every day that I was there, we had meetings. We had two newcomers who apparently looted all the booze they could. And when they couldn't do it anymore, they decided, well, now's as good a time as any. We're going to stop drinking. And I'm, you know, and those are the amazing things. I remember always trying to count on a miracle that was never going to happen. You ever have that when you're laying awake at night and you're boxed into a corner and you don't know what the hell you're going to do? And you say, well, maybe God will do something now. Maybe, maybe, maybe. And it never happens. I don't count on miracles because I see them happening all the time right around me. And far more compelling than the things that have happened to me in Alcoholics Anonymous are the things that I see happen here. Things like that down in New Orleans, you know. I mean, I'm engaged to the greatest girl in the whole wide world. However, that's good for me. I remember hearing somebody say that. And they were like, well, good for you. I want to shoot myself. . But for me here, it's seeing all that happen. And it's seeing people who had no hope whatsoever. And never mind they were drinking themselves to death, which is bad enough as it is, but they just, they didn't know what was going on. And I've been in AA long enough. Yeah, I've seen a lot of tragedies and a lot of people didn't take this seriously. But the miracles that happen here, the amazing acts of God are incredible. And I didn't believe in any of this stuff. And to be honest with you, it would not have appealed to me when I first came here. People say, well, I see God work every day. I'm like, yeah, and so did David Koresh, you know. But your attitude changes here. And your life changes here. And things that I never appreciated and never cared about are God, AA, loving fellowship that I could have cared less about before I came here and now they're linchpins in my life. And I would stake everything I have on that. I would stake everything I have on those things. Thank you all for letting me be here. Have a great night.