Jack B. Finds Higher Power in a Stranger’s Steady Gaze – Jack

Thank you. Well, once again, my name is Jack Thorne. I'm an alcoholic. Hi. And I'm very happy to be here with you people tonight. And to be very honest with you, I'll be very happy to get on a plane tomorrow morning. I think you can understand that. I've been away from home for quite a while. And I'll be happy to get back.
I have a pink and gray galah, and 13 budgies, and a pair of diamond dogs, and a pair of quail.
And my daughter says they're all missing me pretty good.
I'm going to get back there tomorrow. Please, God.
Well, anyway, what was just read here, how that it works.
If you listen to that thing when it's read very closely,
there is no doubt in your mind as to what should be done when you come into AA.
And how people can interpret this program as being a cafeteria job, you know,
do it just as you're pleased to do it.
It's the most ridiculous thing that I've ever heard in my life.
But there are people like that.
And they take the first step and the 12th step, and they forget about the rest of them,
and they remain just what they were when they came into AA.
And they will have no value to me.
They want an AA.
They just can't help anybody because there's just nothing that you can give away that you don't have.
And if you haven't put these steps into your life, then you haven't grown spiritually,
and that's all there is to it.
And step number 12, of course, tells us that having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps.
So it's a very obvious thing, and why people would want to walk around it and take the easiest, softer methods, I don't know,
because even...
Tell us about them in here.
They try to take easier and softer methods to no avail, is what that says, you see.
So when I came into AA, I was a very fortunate individual.
I came in at a time where no self-respecting doctor would have you cluttering up his office,
and no hospital would have you.
And the only way that you could get into a hospital was to become so violent that they'd put you in a flight deck,
or the violent ward, and that's the only treatment there was for alcoholics.
And it was a very good time for me to come into AA,
because AA was the only way for the alcoholic to go.
There was no choice.
And you just had to go there, and that was it.
And I have sat through many meetings with a lot of guys shaking and shivering and sitting on their hands,
and I've seen people have convulsions at AA meetings and what.
And the thing...
that appeals to me is that AA grew so tremendously quickly,
because there just was no out for the alcoholic.
Either you had it, or you didn't, period.
And 50% of the people that came never took another drink.
And 25% of those that didn't stay,
they had one or two or three more times out there trying to beat the bottle,
and then they too succeeded.
Now 75% recovery rate.
And everyone, and I mean everyone,
that came into AA was faced with the steps.
And you all had a sponsor, of course, and your sponsor told you what to do,
and he started you on the steps almost immediately.
Just as soon as you could sit still long enough and keep your eyeballs from shaking,
you started to put the steps into your life. That was it.
And many people grew tremendously, and it was beautiful.
And somehow along the way, somewhere, people started to get away from the steps,
and you really don't need them.
It's all right for those people like Brennan, you know, he needs them, but I don't.
And that's wrong, because, you know, at one time in my life, I never was in a hospital.
And at one time in my life, I didn't know what a straitjacket looked like.
And I never was in jail, and I hadn't lost my family.
And...
And it happened to me very slowly,
like it happens to a lot of people now that...
It will happen to a lot of people now that
seem to have a lot of people around with a bad case of the Yetz.
I don't know if you know what that is.
You know, well, I haven't been in jail yet,
and I haven't been in a hospital yet, and I haven't lost my wife yet,
and that's what I call having a bad case of the Yetz.
And you keep drinking, and you...
to have all those things happen to you because that's the way it happened to me and and thousands
of other people so what i would like to do tonight is just to tell you how that it was told to me
when i came in and i hope that you uh you know it helps you somehow i hope it does you see dr
silkwood was probably the most influential individual in the formation of a.a in the very
early days he was with bill wilson and dr bob from the very beginning i'm a very fine doctor
very lovely man and he saw something in in the alcoholic and in a.a you know that that he just
couldn't put into his books and he said it smacked the theology and theology of course is you know
religion but it didn't smack a religion it was just a spiritual uh a spiritual program and he
saw a lot of spiritual things in the early days he was with bill wilson and dr bob from the very beginning
and he saw a lot of spiritualities people well when they first had the first hundred uh members
of a.a now that's a very small minority 100 you know that's really nothing but dr uh dr silkwood
was so tremendously impressed with just 5 and 10 and 15 because there had never been anything like
in the world before and he was just so amazed when it was 10 and 15 and 20 and when they reached 100
well he just couldn't believe it and he told dr bob and bill wilson you know i told the first
hundred actually why don't you people sit down because it's just unbelievable there could be a
hundred of you you know to have recovered or arrested the disease of alcoholism because
that had never happened in the world before so he told him to sit down and write what happened
to them as a guide for other people to come later so they sat down and among the hundred
of them the first hundred they wrote the the first big book and they wrote the first big book and
actually it wasn't a book it was a manuscript because they didn't have enough money to pay
for a book to be printed so they wrote this manuscript and it was a the beginning of the
first big book actually it's quite different from this one and the steps are a little different too
in it and what happened was that they sold that manuscript for three dollars and fifty cents
and when they sold enough of them they had the big book printed and each person that purchased
the manuscript had a big book for free and that's the way this program developed and that's the way
it happened and that's how came the outcome that we came by these 12 steps if these first hundred
people
sat down and figured out step by step exactly what they did to achieve sobriety and spiritual growth
and what we see here on the wall is just little variants here and there but
basically the same thing and that's why it's all in the past tense don't you see
and a lot of people don't understand that so i thought i'd just mention that a little bit
now when i looked at these steps first i was uh tremendously sick
i don't think i knew my own name for a couple of three weeks at least and
i was not sure i was going to live and i was in very bad shape but i could understand the steps
and i do believe that i took the first three steps or the first two steps at least before
i came to a.a because the minute that i arrived at a.a and my sponsor started to tell me about
step number one and i admitted that i was powerless over alcohol and that my life
had become unmanageable now for me to deny that would have been ridiculous
because i stood there without shoes on my feet for the body lies bleeding like a duck pig from
the one of your stomach hemorrhages almost blind in one eye without a penny in my pocket no home
no nothing and not able to eat not able to talk and a booze had gotten me to that position
so for me to say that you know i was powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable and not
to admit to it
admit to that would have been ridiculous but there are people in my condition that will still not
accept the fact they know that they're alcoholics they know their life is unmanageable their power
left over alcohol but they just won't accept it well i admitted it and i accepted it when i got
to aa although i will say that for many years i fought it i knew there was something wrong with
my drinking but i didn't want to be like my father so i fought it but when the chips were down
i threw the bottle over my shoulder and i said booze has got me it beat me and i can't win and
i thought i was going to die but i didn't so i admitted i was powerless over alcohol and my life
had become unmanageable now i could have done this many many years before because my definition
of an alcoholic is a person that takes a drink and can't guarantee his behavior and if you take
a drink that can't guarantee your behavior then you are powerless over alcohol alcohol
is a person that takes a drink and can't guarantee his behavior and if you take a drink and can't
guarantee his behavior and if you take a drink and can't guarantee his behavior and if you take
a drink and can't guarantee his behavior and if you take a drink and can't guarantee his behavior
it's calling the shots and you are not and it really doesn't matter how powerless you are over
alcohol or how uh how unmanageable your life has become you don't have to wait until that you're
laying in a gutter like i was you don't have to wait till you lose your home or your job you just
have to admit that when you take a drink something different happens to you and that's it that's step
number one and then when i think back you know i have seen people come into aa and uh
pay lip service to step number one and uh that's about all that they do and they get the wife off
their back and a boss off their back and you know then they float around there for a little bit
and the next thing you know they think well i'll give it another rattle see and he pick up a drink
and this time it's going to be different and it is different different jail different hospital but
uh same problem and the thing is how far do you want to go how much proof do you have to have that
you can't take a drink and can't guarantee your behavior and if you do you can't guarantee your
guaranteed behavior. Well, a person that used to have the word in there, you know, an honest desire
to stop drinking, he took the word honest out. I don't know why. I just don't understand why, because
if a person that has an honest desire to stop drinking, it comes into AA, will admit he is
powerful over alcohol and his life is unmanageable. He says, what do I do next? And that's a very good
attitude, a very eager attitude, and that's nice. And that is exactly what that I had. And once a
person takes the first step honestly and decides that he's going to go on with the rest of this
program, then he don't drink anymore. You see, there's no mistakes. This is not a question of
haphazard living, and you get up in the morning and it's just a game of lotto or a spin of the
dial, you know, a wheel of chance that who's going to stay sober today. It's not like that.
This is a very positive program, and you don't have to drink no more, one day at a time, for
the rest of your life if you're honest with this program. Now, it's a guarantee that was given
to me by Bill Wolfson many years ago, and it's true. If you take this first step, and it's very
important, it's like a foundation of a building. If you take this step first, honestly, honestly,
and pay attention to the rest of the program, do the best that you come with it, the best of
your abilities, and you're going to get down to highview points. Blessed be God.
then you don't drink anymore, period, one day at a time, you see.
And I took step one before I came to AA,
and then I came to believe that a power greater than myself
could restore me to sanity in step two.
And I did that on a bowery in New York looking into Sam Cohn's eyes.
My sponsor, they came to carry me to AA
because for the first time in my life somebody was looking at me
and it wasn't a judge and it wasn't a lawyer and it wasn't a cop
and it wasn't a wife, it wasn't a mother.
It was a perfect stranger, but he had in his eyes what I found
and what I was looking for in the bottom of a bottle all my life.
The guy understood me.
And you know something?
I came to believe in a power greater than myself at that minute.
Now that step nowhere says higher power.
That step says a power greater than myself.
And a lot of people come into AA and they get very confused
and immediately they read higher power into that
and higher power meaning God.
And we lose a lot of people because when a guy is about to take the second step
he might only be around for a week or three or two or four
and he's maybe not ready for God yet, don't you see?
And you scare him off.
But there's one thing that he can understand.
The power that he can understand is the power of the group.
The power of the group.
The group of people sitting all nice and clean,
drinking coffee and talking and chatting
and coming in, driving nicely and going home with cars and have a job.
And this is the power greater than yourself that could restore you to sanity
because you come to AA to get sober.
So I used the group and I used my sponsor.
And that was the power greater than me could restore me to sanity.
AA had something that I wanted and I was going to get it.
And then the word sanity bothered me
because I was in violent wards of mental institutions 12 times.
And when I looked at that word sanity, I knew that was me, I knew that I was crazy.
But you see, the word sanity, if you look it up in the dictionary, does not mean crazy, does not.
What that word means, sanity, is a lack of sane thinking.
And when an alcoholic drinks, that's what happens to him.
He's not capable of thinking sanely.
And he does things on impulse.
And he does things on impulse.
He does things that he normally wouldn't want to do, he does.
And this is where the insanity of the program comes in.
So if a person accuses you of being insane, that's quite all right.
Doesn't mean that you're crazy.
It means just for the moment you've forgotten how to think or you're not able to think.
Or sometimes a wild streak of passion in you will stop you from thinking.
And you do things on the impulse.
That's insanity, see.
So if you are an alcoholic and you come to a group of people
that are all sane and they're all able to think quite well
and they know what's good for you and you have an insane thought,
you might, you know, confide in your sponsor and he'll tell you,
don't do it that way, see.
Stop and do it this way.
That's the power greater than you that could restore you to sanity.
He can think and you can't.
So let him use his brains for a little while until you're able to think sanely yourself.
So that was step number two.
And now my sponsor told me, he said,
Jack, I'm the power greater than you, you know, in the group here.
I'll take care of you.
Because he knew that I was quite upset with the word God.
See, I had cursed God for a long time.
And I hurt an awful lot of people.
And he knew that.
And he wasn't ready to introduce me to God just yet.
And I was walking around that one.
And I was tremendously afraid of God, see, because you don't do the things that I did.
And, you know, I was brought up and to believe that
one day you're going to get a job.
You're going to get a job.
You're going to get a job.
You wipe right out.
You're going to come down out of there and just wipe you out.
And nobody stomp you to death.
And that's it, you know.
And punishing God.
And it was wrong.
It's been wrong all my life.
I feared God.
And I shouldn't have.
But I did because of my upbringing.
And, of course, the guilt and the remorse and the fear of the alcoholic.
Well, God, to me, was a terrible, terrible creature.
And here in step three, I made a decision to turn my life on rule over to this God.
And I said, oh, boy, how am I ever going to do that?
Well, it's probably the easiest step of all.
See, a lot of people have a lot of trouble with it.
But I don't see why, really.
If you just think about it just a little bit, you know.
Because here you are now, and you're in AA, and you're sober.
And it doesn't matter if you're sober a day, a week, a month, a year.
It doesn't matter.
You are sober.
And you are doing something that you never could do before.
And somebody carried you to AA.
And now you're sober.
And your life is starting to shape up a little bit.
At least you're maybe not, you know, in too good a shape.
But at least you've stopped puking in the morning.
And, you know, you've stopped shaking a little bit.
And you can drive your car, possibly.
Things are improving.
No matter how bad that it is, things are improving.
And you're on your way.
You see?
Now, how did it happen?
How come that it didn't happen before?
How many times have you gotten sober and then lived like an animal for a long time?
How many times have you gotten sober and then lived like an animal for a long time?
How many times have you gotten sober and then lived like an animal for a long time?
A little bit.
And then got drunk again because you couldn't stand it.
Well, now it's happening to you.
You're sober.
And you're in with a bunch of people.
And everybody likes you.
And you're having a good time.
And things are getting better in your life.
Who do you thank for that?
There's got to be somebody you thank.
And my sponsor wouldn't take thanks from me.
And he made me face up to the situation.
He said, the higher power is the one that you have to thank.
Nobody else.
Just the higher power.
Because all I did for you was carry you here to AA.
And everything that you've got now came from the grace of God.
And he proved to me that God must love me pretty good in spite of me.
And I had to think that one over a little bit.
I said, well, it's got to be true.
I didn't think and know how that he could possibly love me.
But he did.
He had to.
Because I came to AA.
And I got sober.
And I started to grow.
And things were getting better all the time.
And best thing of all.
Was that I was sober.
And I didn't want to drink.
And that was a miracle.
And how do I thank anyone for that?
And if it's the higher power that did it for me.
Then how come that he would do that for me?
The only reason you could come up with is that he loves alcoholics pretty good.
He loves them all very well.
And while I'm on that point.
Please don't ever think that maybe he loves me a little bit more than he loves you.
That's not true.
He loves us all.
All equally well.
All equally well.
He don't love one more than the other.
So if I have what that I have.
Then you certainly can have it too.
And if anybody sitting out there that's feeling unwanted.
And unneeded.
And unloved.
That you're not spiritual.
And there's something wrong.
And you got to just look back.
And take care of yourself.
And know who made you well.
And how come that you're in AA.
The grace of God.
And the higher power.
You see my sponsor used to push me off.
And told me don't worry about God.
You know just worry about the group.
And then one day you know when it got to be I got that much sober.
He lowered the boom on me.
And he gave me this bit.
So step three I took.
I listened to what he had to say.
I thought it over a little bit.
And I had to agree with him.
Somewhere.
Somehow.
The higher power reached out.
Carried me into AA through Sam Cohen.
And then he took care of me up until this point of step three.
And I was overcome.
I really was overcome.
The thing that I feared most.
Facing God after all those years of torture and trouble in my life.
Was a big hurdle.
But it didn't have to be.
Because all I had to do was look at what was happening to me.
And say God loves me.
Because look at me.
I had money.
A dollar or two in my pocket.
I had shoes.
I was able to eat.
I was able to sleep.
And people loved me.
And that had to be a gift from the higher power.
And I'm sure that he doesn't pull us out of the gutter.
And stand us up in AA.
Just you know play games with us.
And then one day boom knock it all out from underneath us.
He don't play that way.
And I do believe that we're all in AA for a reason.
There's many many things that he wants us to do.
And if we put these steps in our life.
And we get down to step 11.
Then we'll find out what he wants us to do.
He has a job for us.
And I believe that I'm very lucky.
Because I found the job that he wanted me to do.
Do right off.
People asked me to come and speak.
And I spoke.
And people got help.
And the more they got help.
The more they asked me to speak.
And the more they asked me to speak.
The more they got help.
And it's just a big cycle now you see.
And it just went on and on and on.
And I consider myself to be a very fortunate individual.
I don't know why I was chosen to be given a big mouth.
You know I don't know that at all.
It doesn't make sense to me.
But nothing in my life ever made sense to me.
Now I just accept it.
And I don't I don't I don't think about it at all.
Just take it the way that it comes see.
Now after I had done step one two and three.
Sam told me Jack those are decision steps.
And now we got to get into action here kid.
Do you like what you got so far?
I said I love it.
No it's beautiful.
Especially after step three.
I turned my life and will over to the.
Care of God as I understood him.
And from that day on I walk without fear.
Now isn't that amazing.
My life was full of fear.
But when I turned my life and will over to the care of God.
And step three fear ceased.
Oh I get little minutes of it now and again.
Like tomorrow morning I get on a plane over there you know.
I hate flying.
Flying is for the birds as far as I'm concerned.
I can't stand them damn things.
They're like big coffins you know.
And I get in there.
Well what I do.
Before I get in.
I stop just on the top step there.
And I say hey it's me Brennan.
Keep an eye on me over here you know.
When I watch them guys get aboard.
That's the pilots you know.
If they even look like they're thinking about drinking.
I don't go.
That's it.
I get another plane.
Because my mother didn't raise no stupid children you know.
I say that I walk without fear.
And I do.
Basically walk.
Walk without fear.
But I have these little things in my life.
I just don't like to fly.
I think it's very unnatural.
And I do it.
I do it.
And for a guy that don't like to fly.
I sure made a lot of flights.
I'll tell you.
I belong to the million mile club.
And I'm working on my second or third million miles.
And for a guy that don't like to fly that proves.
That I have a lot of faith in something.
And it certainly isn't in pilots and aeroplanes.
Because I know I'm supposed to do what I'm supposed to do.
And I got to do it whether I like it or not.
So I do it.
So anyway.
He said Jack do you like what you're getting.
And I said I love it Sam.
He said good.
Do you want to go on with the program.
Or you want to you know muck about.
I said hell no.
I want the whole ball of wax.
You know I never.
I never went into a bank.
And give them a bag.
And told me give me half.
Your money in that bag.
No hell.
You load it up.
And if you ain't got enough room.
I'll give you another bag.
You know.
To hell with that story.
I don't.
I don't do anything halfway.
I don't believe in that.
You know.
And if I'm gonna do anything.
And every alcoholic you know.
He says well I'm a perfectionist.
Well a lot of them are perfectionists.
Except when it comes to the steps.
You know.
When there are steps.
They slide through here.
And they push that.
One away.
They take that one.
And that's it.
You know.
So if you want to be a perfectionist.
That's good.
This is a good time to be a perfectionist.
Do each step as it's outlined.
And go right on through the whole bunch.
So I did that.
And I.
And he said to me.
You got to make a search in your field.
Model inventory of you.
Because you're going on a trip.
And you're doing something for yourself.
That no doctor can do.
Your mother can't do.
Your wife can't do.
A priest can't do it for you.
Psychiatrist.
Psychologist.
Nobody can do it.
And you got to be all of these things to yourself.
And he said.
You know.
It's hard enough for a guy with a few brains.
But for you it's going to be difficult.
You know.
Because you're just in bad shape altogether.
So he said.
You can do it though.
Because now you see.
You've turned your life over to care of God.
And you can have a fearless model inventory of you.
Because now you have nothing to be afraid of.
And I said.
Okay.
That's good.
And he told me.
That nobody's going to read it.
And I'm not going to correct it on it.
And nobody going to correct the punctuation.
And the spelling don't matter.
How about that?
And he said.
It's just between you and higher power.
And he said.
Put yourself down on a piece of paper.
And he said.
Before you start.
It's.
Marvel does not mean sex.
And I looked at him.
Because Marvel to me.
That was sex.
And I thought I was going to have an easy time.
With my Marvel inventory.
Because when I was drinking.
There was no sex.
There was nothing.
And when I took one drink.
Anybody come up to me.
You know.
And made a pass at me.
I tell them get lost.
Because I didn't have enough money.
For two drinks.
If I had money.
I was going to drink it.
Nobody would share my drink.
See.
So I never had any mucking about.
With any ladies of the night.
Or anything like that.
Just didn't.
But he told me.
A fearless Marvel inventory.
Had nothing to do with sex.
Maybe.
A little bit.
Along the way.
But he said.
Mostly Jack.
It's the Marvel obligations.
That you had.
In your life.
That you neglected.
And I said.
What like what Sam?
And he said.
Well.
You have Marvel obligations.
As a father.
And you were hell of a father.
And he said.
You have Marvel obligations.
As a husband.
And you were hell of a husband.
And he says.
As a citizen.
You have Marvel obligations.
And you have Marvel obligations.
To your neighbor.
If your neighbor is sick.
And you're supposed to go over there.
And say.
Could you help them?
You never did that.
Did you?
I said.
Hell no.
I never even knew I had neighbors.
You know.
And that's the way.
Because I was single all my life.
You know.
Narrow road for me.
Don't get in my road.
And because I walk right over your back.
And so.
I had to make a searching.
And fearless Marvel inventory of me.
And it wasn't hard.
Because last night.
I told you about my brother.
Who did everything right.
And in our life.
Every one of us.
Has somebody that we dislike real good.
Because they're never wrong.
You see.
A guy up the street.
Oh that man.
He always takes his kids out.
He has his lawn always trimmed.
He puts his Christmas lights up in December.
And takes them down in January.
And he's never wrong.
His wife is always happy.
And he watches the kids.
And takes them to ball games.
And you know.
The alcoholic hates guys like this.
Oh man.
You could kill that bum.
Because he makes you look so bad.
But now.
If you want to know what your Marvel obligations are.
That you've neglected.
Get a hold of one of these guys.
And look at them.
And see where you are different from him.
And where you are different.
That will go down on a piece of paper.
That's your Marvel inventory.
Oh you got trains here too.
Yeah.
Oh damn.
Double deckers is it?
Or am I blind?
That's lovely.
I didn't know that.
Well anyway.
Those are the Marvel obligations that I put on a piece of paper.
And you know a lot of people make a life's work out of the fourth step.
And they make a life's work out of it.
You know you see them one year.
You say how are you coming along?
Well I'm working on the fourth step.
And you see them maybe six months later.
How you doing?
well i'm still working on the fourth step now you know why because they read the fifth step
yeah and they don't want to do the fifth step so they keep working on the fourth step
and pretty soon you know they got volumes under their arms like this
and they can't they gotta take cabs to meetings because they kill
and it's so stupid actually so stupid if you've taken a third step you don't have any fear of the
fourth step or any of the other steps so he told me sit down jack and you don't have to get a piece
of paper and a pencil and do the best that you can do and put down there i was a thief see you don't
have to put down each individual item on there it's enough you put down you with a thief and
And a couple of instances of where you were a thief and what you stole.
A lot of people say, well, I never stole anything.
You never stole anything?
You stole time from your children, didn't you?
So you were a thief.
You stole time from your home and your job.
And you stole a lot of peace of mind from your wife, too, didn't you?
See?
So I put these things down.
I was a thief.
And then I put underneath there how that I was a thief.
And then I put I was a very vicious individual, too.
And I put down several items of being vicious, you see.
Things that jumped into my mind real quick.
And then I put down many other things.
I was jealous.
I was always jealous of my brother.
And I was filled with hate.
And who did I hate?
And what I didn't do was pair one off against another, you know.
Say, well, I can leave that out because they hurt me, too.
You see?
No, no, no.
No.
You're talking about me now.
Me.
You.
You.
And I got this thing done, I guess, in about two hours.
And that was it.
And the thing was that when I got through, I stood up and I took me a little walk.
And I said, now, is there anything that I'm holding back here?
Is there anything not on that sheet of paper that should be?
That's in my heart and I just don't want to put it down there.
And there was nothing.
Nothing.
Everything that I could possibly.
Think of was included in that piece of paper.
Maybe not one at a time, you know, individually, but in groups, little groups.
And I knew me good.
And when I cancer came back to me, no, you're not holding anything back.
That's an honest inventory of you.
Then I had taken a fourth step and I never took any other fourth step.
Just one time.
People keep going back to it and back to it and back to it.
It's wrong.
Forget about it.
These steps are only designed to get the alcoholic moving, moving off dead center because left his own devices.
He won't move.
He just sits and something's got a problem.
And the what is problem is the fourth step.
So you do it one time and get it done and forget about it and get onto fifth, onto step five.
And you will want to get onto step five very quickly when you do step four, because it's like a hot potato.
Now, you'll look at yourself and you don't like yourself and you can't wait to get rid of it.
Well, you go about quickly and you look for somebody and you get a hold of somebody and get the first step done.
And when you take the first step, it's tremendous relief in all departments.
Now, I will bet somebody here, even money, or I'll give you five to one that you can't tell me how much money you got in your bank account right now.
And you're checking account.
Because.
Every human being is the same way.
We'll write a check and we won't have time to record it and we'll do it tomorrow.
And, you know, tomorrow and then you write another one.
You say, did I record it or did I?
And by the end of the month, confusion reigns and we all got wet.
You see, well, that is why we have to write these things down, because you can't keep them in your head.
You can't do it.
And while you're so engrossed keeping things in your head, did I, did I, did I, did I?
You see, you're wasting time.
And there's no room in there for anything else to go in and you're going to stay the same.
And you've got to clean out your head, put it on a piece of paper, fold the paper up and put it into a Bible because nobody ever reads the Bible and leave it there.
Forget about it.
You're going to need it later.
And then the fifth step, we admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.
This is the step that calls for the ego of the alcoholic to be broken down.
You see, admit to God, to yourself and another human being.
I had one guy tell me one time, God knows all about it anyway, what you got to tell him for?
Oh, the real smart guy, right?
When he gets out of the state hospital, he said, I'm going to have a few words with him again, see?
Because that's what happens to smart guys, see?
And he said, I know about it, God knows about it, what I got to tell him about it for?
I could tell myself, this is for the ego of the alcoholic.
Look at the alcoholic on a piece of paper.
What happens is, when you see yourself in a fourth step, the desire in you to stay sober becomes very strong because you see where booze took you.
And you say, if that's me and that's booze, I don't need no more of that.
And you lose the desire for a drink between the fourth and sixth step.
It's most amazing.
And you don't be a booze fighter, then you are really a sober human being.
So the fifth step, admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs, the exact nature.
You don't take your fifth step, or your fourth step, and carry it to your sponsor and give it to him, and let him read it.
You just tell him offhanded from here, from inside, in your heart, all those things that you wish nobody ever knew about, you wish never, ever, never happened to you.
The exact nature.
Not each individual item, you know, but the exact nature of your wrongs.
I'm a vicious guy, Sam, and you know, I stole a lot of money.
And I, you know, when my wife, I used to...
The exact nature of my wrongs.
And I did that.
I did that, and I went to Sam Cohn, and I did it because, you see, even in those days...
Now, it says in here, in the fifth chapter, that we can go to a doctor, or a minister, or a priest.
And I never argue with the big book.
And I say this, that if you want to do that, that's perfectly all right with me.
It's perfectly all right.
But be careful.
Be careful.
If you want to go to a priest.
If you want to go to a minister, find one that's in Alcoholics Anonymous and go that way.
Because I have seen people in AA go to priests and come back and tell me,
Jack, the priest said I wasn't an alcoholic.
I couldn't be.
I'm too young.
And that if I only drank beer, I'd be all right.
Do you think he's right or do you think he's wrong?
Well, I know he's wrong.
So, be careful what that you do.
And I say this.
I didn't go looking for no Spanish-speaking priest up in Harlem.
You know, I was never going to see anymore.
What I did...
What I did was go to Sam because I wanted Sam to be able to watch me.
And I was going to be at a meeting with him twice a week.
And if he'd see me getting out of line a little bit,
him knowing me the way that he would after the fifth step,
he was going to say to me,
Hey, Jack, we don't do that no more, remember?
And it would bring me back into line.
And this wasn't a job for me to do.
This was not a penance for me to do, to take the fifth step.
This was a way for me to survive as an alcoholic
because, you know, I was a drunk.
And on the left of my own devices, I'd break up a high mass.
And that's the way I am.
I still am that way.
I've got to be very careful.
I can go back.
I know all the nasty things that I used to know.
I still know them.
They're not gone out of my life.
They're just dormant.
And if I don't stay within the confines of the 12 steps here,
I'm going to be dead because I'm about to drink.
And there's no question about that, see?
So, I took my fifth step with my sponsor.
And when I got finished with that, he asked me a question.
He said, is that it, kid?
And I said, that's it.
He said, there ain't nothing else that you want to tell me.
Nothing.
He said, all right, let's go get a cup of coffee.
And that was it.
Now, here's step four and step five.
And he told us in the big book that these two steps
are simply a little chink in the wall.
A little chink.
The beginning of tearing down a great huge wall
that the alcoholic has built around himself.
And this is just a little bitty chink in there.
Just a little spot.
Just the beginning.
So, that's why I say to you,
don't be too perfect with step four.
Just do it to the best of your ability at that time.
And those people that wait too long,
you know, you get sober for a year and you say,
well, I think about the fourth step now, you see?
Well, it may be too late.
Because you look back and right away you say,
well, I haven't done it for a year and I'm still sober.
What the hell do I have to do it for?
And that's what happens.
And then you might wait a little bit and say,
well, I'll wait a little bit
because I can't remember everything, right?
That's not good.
Don't procrastinate.
That's the name for an alcoholic.
An alcoholic, his name is procrastination.
And don't do it.
Do it when, at whatever time that you get to it, do it.
And don't worry how that it comes out
as long as that you're honest.
And you've put down there everything that you know about you
up until that point in your life.
Stand back and ask yourself a question.
Is that the whole ball of watch?
And if it is, done.
You've done it.
You've finished.
You see?
And I hear people going around and say,
well, I never took the fifth step.
I actually took the fifth step.
I tell a little bit at a meeting here
and I tell a little bit at a meeting here
and I tell a little bit at a meeting there
and I say, when are you going to join AA?
See?
That's not what that damn step says.
It's to break down your ego.
And you, by doing it this way,
you're maintaining your ego
because you're trying to be just a little bit better
than everybody else.
You see?
I'm really not that bad.
See?
And actually, if you think you're not that bad,
you're going to break your arm
trying to pat yourself on the back
and the next thing you know,
you're going to pick up a drink.
That's the way it goes.
See?
So, basic honesty in all these steps
is most important.
And then number six.
We're entirely ready to have God
remove all these defects of character.
There are people that are sitting
and waiting and praying
for God to come down and tap them,
on their head,
and remove their defect of character.
Here.
AA is full of these people.
And God bless them.
I hope they don't hold their breath
till it happens.
You see?
Because it doesn't work that way.
How that it works is
that you are aware now
of your defects of character
and your shortcomings.
And a defect of character
is those things that you do
that you're not supposed to be doing.
And shortcomings are those things
that you're supposed to be doing
and not doing.
And shortcomings are those things
that you're supposed to be doing
and not doing.
And they're very poor
for alcoholic in its life
but they're just slightly a bit different.
Character defects are things you do
that you're not supposed to.
And shortcomings are things
that you neglect to do
that you are supposed to be doing.
And if you sit down
or you kneel down
or you ask God entirely ready
to have God remove these defects of character
and you humbly ask Him
to remove your shortcomings,
certain things are going to happen.
Suppose that you like gambling.
Well, you're going to run up
on a gambling game
about every 20 minutes
all day long.
And you're going to run up
on crap games
and card games
and I'll tell you
it's going to be something.
It's going to be hell.
And if you like dancing girls,
oh my,
they're going to come out
of the woodwork.
You're going to be all around you
day and night.
You're going to see dancing girls.
And this is the way
the guy upstairs
removes your character defects.
He puts them boom
right in front of your nose.
And after a while,
you know,
you push it away
and it goes away
like a carrot on a string
and there,
come back again.
See?
And you push it the other way
and boom,
it comes back again
until you do something about it.
Until you do something about it.
And when you do something about it,
remember,
you're only putting it in the background.
It's still there.
Like I said a few minutes ago,
I know all the rotten,
lousy, nasty things
that I used to do.
And if you want to know
how to stick up a bank,
I'll tell you the best
way to do it.
I'll tell you the best way
to go about it.
But you see,
I don't do it anymore
because I have put it
in back of me.
That's a character defect
I don't steal no more.
But I'm quite capable
of doing it.
And that's what
you must remember.
So I put my character defects
and my shortcomings
and I asked the guy upstairs
to remove them.
This is the end of Side 1.
Please turn cassette over now
and continue.
You don't even think
of shifting,
but you do it.
Well, that's the way
living becomes
for the alcoholic
after he's in AA for a while.
It becomes very automatic.
And you do these things
automatically.
And character defect comes up.
You don't have to stop
and ponder,
am I going to do it,
am I not?
You just don't do it, period.
And the time when
they come back in front of you
become less and less.
And pretty soon,
you're living a pretty good life.
Here.
And then we go to
step number 8.
And again here,
don't read step number 9.
Read step number 8.
And do it.
It says,
make a list of all places
we had harmed
and became willing
to make amends
to them all.
And all places
we had harmed
means,
and to make amends
is to repair damage.
That's what the definition
of amends is.
And to me,
it is not a matter
of going about
and ringing doorbells
and apologizing to people,
you know,
it's not that.
It's to make amends
is to repair damage.
And you know,
we have all people
in our lives
that we have injured
and we have harmed
and injured.
And of course,
right to mind
comes here
the children
and right to mind
comes the wife
and the husband
or whoever.
And the injuries
that we have done
these people
are tremendous.
It's a lifetime job
to make amends.
And you've got to start
and you've got to start
at the start
and you've got to begin
at the beginning
as though it's the way
and you've got to do it gently.
You've got to do it easily
because sometimes
we're not able
to approach people
and people don't want us around
for a little while,
you know,
and that's the way
it's got to be.
You've got to accept that,
you see.
You don't go busting in on people
and throwing your weight around
like you used to do
and now you've got to make amends.
No,
maybe they don't want you
to make amends.
So what you do,
you sit down
and you make a list
and you might say,
well,
my mother,
for instance,
I couldn't make amends too
so I didn't leave her
off my list.
That was on my list.
She was dead
but she was still on my list
and there were a lot of people,
you know,
I couldn't go back
and tell people,
well,
I stuck up your nightclub here
about 20 years ago,
you know.
I couldn't do that.
I'd wind up in jail.
Who would take care
of my children then?
My kids were just starting
now to eat regularly,
you know,
because I was in AA
and for me to go
and get myself locked up
and put in jail,
what would it say?
It would injure myself
and others,
wouldn't it?
So the next step,
I just made,
I made the list
and I put down
everybody on that list
that I could possibly think of
whether or not
I could make amends to them
and a big key part
of that step was
I was willing.
If God gave me the chance,
I would do it.
If I could,
I would
and with that attitude,
I was right
and I did that
and strangely enough,
my list,
instead of diminishing,
it grew
because the progression
of sobriety is such
that as you get more,
more sober
and more sober
and more sober,
more things come back to you
and more people
that you've injured
and the list starts to grow
and grow
and grow
and grow
and this is why
it's so important
for we people
to put these steps
into our lives
to keep up
with the progression
of sobriety.
You know,
if we can clean house
one day
and then the next day
it starts to grow
our sobriety grow
then we become more aware
of what we've done
and people that we have hurt
and people that we've hurt
and the next thing you know
we've got another head
full of garbage
and what are we going
to do with it?
So we always have to
keep an open mind
and we always have to
keep a pencil handy
and write down people
to put them on the list
and that's the way
that it works.
And now it says here,
make direct amends
to such people
wherever possible
except when to do so
would injure them
or others.
I made my direct amends
to my family
by mostly money
in the beginning,
you see.
I had to buy,
I had to work
and I had to do
a lot of things
and every time
I got a few bucks
I throw it in the house.
See,
my little kids
were going to schools
and they were going
to nice schools
and they had
kind of raggedy clothes,
you know,
and we lived
in a very poor section
of Brooklyn
and I was
a superintendent
of a building
and we had
three little buddy rooms,
you know,
and it was not nice.
It was not nice
at all.
And we weren't
exactly destitute
but we weren't far from it
and while I had
a little bitty income
I didn't have much
so I went out
and I did
second jobs
and I did anything
I could for a dollar
and I threw it in the house
to make amends
for that.
And other than that
I used to take care
of my kids
and I'd watch them,
you know,
when my wife went out
somewhere to visit
her mother
and I went over
to my mother-in-law
and I made amends
to her
because she always
needed a few bucks
too
and my wife would come
and say mom needs this
and that.
I said well give it to her
if you've got the money
and if you haven't got it
well let's try and get it
see because that old lady
took my wife in
many, many nights
when I run out of the house
see
and I didn't get along
too good with her
but when I left
she's a very old lady now.
My wife is dead.
She's still alive,
the mother
and she's completely blind
and she's living
in a home
for elderly people
in the Bronx
in New York
and
I took her one day
and I took her up
to Westchester
where I lived
and I put a room
on the side for her
in my home
and I put down
ramps for her
you know
and I got her a light cane
and I taught her
how to walk
up and down the ramps
when we were out at work
and my wife didn't
have to be home
and I did everything
I did everything
that I possibly could
to make her life good
and she stayed
three weeks
and left
because she didn't
want to be there
and I said to her
well I tried
didn't I
and my wife was very upset
that she left
and I said
no don't be upset
don't be upset at all
you know the old lady
has her friends in Brooklyn
and her sister
and we got her up here
she's out of her environment
she can't see anybody
and she can't talk to anybody
and I said
she wanted to go home
so I took her home
but I took care of her
as best I could
you see
and that's the way
I made amends to her
I had her sitting
one night all day
all night
with a bottle of water
a whiskey on the table
and I had a straight razor
had that on the table too
and open
and I kept that woman awake
all night long
and I said
if you shut your eyes
you old bag
I'm going to slit your throat
because this morning
when I was sleeping
you started rattling
pots and pans
around here
and you woke me up
now I'm going to straighten you out
you're not going to sleep
see
and I kept that old lady up
she was about 65 years old
all night long
until the door broke
until the door broke
and every time
that your head would go down
I'd tuck her under the chin
with the razor
you know
how do you make amends
for that
I mean
that's not nice at all
but these are the things
I had to live with
and probably
you've got things like that
that you've got to live with
so what I say is
do this thing properly
put everybody down
on that list
and don't say
well he hurt me
so I won't put him down
we're not asking
who hurt you
we're asking
who you hurt
and put them down there
and forget about it
and I hear people too
say well
I hurt myself too
so I go on the top of the list
I say you're a bum
you go on the top of the list
you came into AA
you got your life back
in the palm of your hands
the guy upstairs
is taking care of you
you're living
you're breathing
you're growing spiritually
you're heading to a beautiful life ahead
and who owes you what
ain't nobody owe you
a damn thing
you have got it
made
there's nothing in this world
that you need
there is nothing
that you'll ever want for
you are in AA
under the care of God
and God sits on your shoulder
and you don't have to make
no amends to yourself
forget about it
see
forget about it
so anyway
that was step nine
and then we continued
to take personal inventory
and when we were wrong
we promptly admitted it
you'll be driving your car one day
and all of a sudden
out of the car
out of the blue
here comes somebody
bing
yuck like that
something that should have went on
your fourth step
and you say
my God
I never thought about it
don't panic
and don't run home
and get a pencil
and take the fourth step over
it just means that you progress
that much further
and you become more aware
of you mentally
and these things will come up
so when they come up
that's why they stuck
step ten in there
or whatever it is
you take care of it
with step ten
you don't ever disturb
step four again
leave it alone
let sleeping dogs lie
so you continue to take
personal inventory
when these things come up
straighten them out
right then and there
and now you're walking about
in the world
and people are respecting you
and people are starting to think
that you're a little spiritual
because they like you
and they want you
and they need you
and you have to continue that
and when something happens
in your life
where you revert back to the past
for instance
if you were our boss
and you got a secretary
and you know
you're a nice fellow
and one day you have trouble at home
or you don't sleep too well
and you go in
and the girl does something wrong
and you snap at her
right
well your conscience will tell you
that you're wrong
right there
and if you're not
if you're not
if you're smart
what you'll do
you say
oh I'm sorry
I shouldn't have done that
you know I'm wrong
and that's when you're wrong
promptly admit it
and remember something
we're doing all these things for us
because if you let that go
and you don't straighten it out
you're going to go home that night
you're not going to eat your dinner too good
and when it comes time to sleep
it's going to be on your mind
because the alcoholic takes this
and he makes that out of it
so all these things
they say it's a selfish program
you better believe it is
and we do these things
to relieve us of trouble
and we want to feel good
because if we don't feel good
we might pick up a drink
so when you are apologizing
to somebody for something
that you're backing up
something that you've done
during the day
and you promptly admit it then
and rectify it then
don't feel bad
that you're doing them a favor
you're doing yourself a favor really
and I want to say to new people
when you read these steps over
you know the mind always go
oh isn't that a beautiful step
number nine
now I'll do that right off
yeah
you know why they want to do that right off
because they'll feel better
so they run around ringing doorbells
and they run around
taking money
out of the house
and paying bills
and you know something
after a while
somebody hauls off
and loosens a couple of their teeth
and they say
oh damn
AA don't work
see
don't run out
and do these steps in order
don't do them just the way
you're supposed to do them
one through twelve
because by the time
you get to nine
where you start making amends
too quickly
you might get there
and realize you don't own
a body of amends
in that department
see
so let it be
and let the guy upstairs
guide you
and let him have a good life
and then we saw through prayer and meditation
to improve our conscious contact with God
as we understood him
praying only for knowledge of his will for us
and the power to carry that out
that's a very simple step
meditate means to think deeply
and what you want to do in a case like this
is to
through prayer and meditation
to improve our conscious contact with God
well it's very easy to improve your conscious contact with God
you just get somewhere where it's real quiet
you know
it don't have to be real quiet
but somewhere where you feel at peace
and you're not going to be interrupted
and then start to count your blessings
count your blessings
how long are you sober
what good things have happened to you
take a look at your shoes
are they new
or did you buy a new suit yesterday
or last week
are your children happy
the little guy
you run up to your love the night
throws his arm around
and tells you pop I love you
those are blessings you see
and count them
go back to your beginning of AA
what you were before you came in
and the last drink that you had
or the last drunk that you had
and then go on from there
and just you know highlight the blessings in your life
how much does your wife love you
what's the difference in your life now that you
or how about your boss
is he better now
has he changed since you came into AA
he's become a nice fella since you came into AA right?
right
well these are the blessings
and if you count them
the next thing that you know
the guy upstairs is sitting right here on your shoulder
very simple
and that's the way you improve your conscious contact with God
because all these things are yours from the third step
God has given you all these things
so how can you not improve your conscious contact with him
all you got to do is think of what he's done for you
and say thank God
and then certainly God appears to you and says thank you God
and then certainly God appears to you and says thank you God
and then certainly God appears to you and says thank you God
he's with you
because it's quiet
and you're meditating
and your mind is in the right channel
and you know what happened to you is because God did it
and now he's sitting ready talking to you
and it's at that point
you ask for
you what
praying only for knowledge of his will for us
and the power to carry that out
so you might have a problem
you meditate a little bit
you get your conscious contact with God
you get your conscious contact with God
and then you say
Lord
here I am
I got a problem
and this is it
what way should I go
and the answer will come
the answer will come
while you sit there
and
knowledge of his will
and you say
well if that's what I got to do
please give me the strength to do it
and he'll do it
and it's just that simple
and you shouldn't muck about with step 11
and worry about it
and
go here
and look for this
and transcend
to meditation
and all this stuff
nonsense. I have
seen people get so frustrated
with step 11 when it's sitting right
there in front of them. It's just that
easy. Count your blessings
and when the time comes after a
few minutes or an hour or a half hour
or 20 minutes, you'll feel the
presence of the guy upstairs.
And then when he's there,
lay the problem out before him
and ask him, what should I do about
it? And you'll get the answer.
The answer comes in here, in your
heart. And then
we go to step 12. And this is
a big one. Having had a
spiritual awakening as a result of
these steps, we tried to
carry this message to alcoholics
and to practice these principles
in all our affairs.
The most important part of that is to
practice these principles in all our
affairs.
You might say to
me then, what principles?
Well, the principles that
we learned to put into our life
after we knew what was wrong with
us in step 4.
See, you're from a liar.
You became a person that tells the
truth. And that's one principle.
Always be truthful.
And if you practice that principle,
it's not always possible to do it
and it takes a little time, but
eventually, everything that you
say will be truth.
Because you don't want any lying and
the 10th step gets in your way, see?
And so you are now practicing
the principle of always telling the truth.
And of course, you don't run
around with the dancing girls no more
and you stay home with your wife where you
belong. That's another principle
that you develop over the
space of time. And also
you develop the principle of
being a good husband to your wife
and a good father to your children.
And how do you be a good father
to your children? Well, you've got to practice
a little bit because if you never took your
kids to a footy game, you've got to start
doing those things, don't you see?
And if you never sat
down and helped your little guys and their little
girls with their homework,
you've got to start doing that.
And you've got to keep practicing
at it because this is the way that
we learn to grow in
AA. And adversity
in your life, remember one thing,
that adversity is the
ladder that strong men
climb towards spiritual
perfection. Adversity.
And adversity will
be in your life, there is no
question about it. Because
if I was to paint this room
see, the people
in here would say, well, the painters are
coming, oh boy, what a mess it's going to
be. And they're right.
All the chairs would go out, the stuff
would get covered up, there'd be top
podiums, the rugs would all be covered up
and, you know, the lights would have to be
taken down. And it's going to be a mess.
But it's going to get
painted. And when it's all
done, take off the rugs, put the lights
back up again, you know, and then
people walk in and say, oh, how nice.
And they forget how that it looked.
When it was being painted.
See? So, when
the guy upstairs is trying to straighten
something out in your life, it's going to be
a mess. It's going to be
a mess. I mean,
I don't know what's going to be in your life, but I
know that any repair work, or
any straightening out, or any maintenance
work that has to be done is always
messy. And
sometimes he gets into your life and you
say, you ask for this, and you get
it. And here goes it, and you
just don't know what, everything is upside down.
And you say, oh boy.
And then pretty soon, if you wait
just a little bit, you see, the normal people
they will say,
don't just stand there,
do something.
And I tell the alcoholic,
just don't do something,
stand there. You see?
And if you do that, and wait until all the
smoke clears away, you'll find out it was
the hand of God in there, and
it's going to be better.
A lot of people have come to me and say, hey
Jack, I got into AA, I was
doing all right, I was real drunk,
I got into AA, and now you know what?
I got fired today on a job.
I said, oh, that's good.
And they said, what are you, crazy?
No. No.
If you're really in AA, and you got
fired, that means the guy upstairs
is paying attention to you. Something's going to
happen. And they say,
well, I hope you're right, because I
developed a habit of eating.
And
don't worry about it.
And if you pray,
don't worry. And if you worry,
don't bother praying. It's just that
simple. And you know,
99 out of 100 times, these guys
will come back in a week or two, and say, gee,
that was a wonder. You know what happened?
The guy called me up, and next thing you know,
double salary, and beautiful. I see, and last
week you were worried, right?
While he's adjusting
your life, it's going to be tragic.
There's going to be upheaval
in your life. Expected
adversity.
And a lot of people
will say, well, gee, I was
in a, hey, I was, before I come
to, I never had a cold, I never had none. I got
pneumonia.
You had a cold before, you just
never felt it, you see?
You had pneumonia, probably, low-brow
pneumonia all your life, you damn fool.
And now you're sober, you're starting
to feel things. And you're
starting to, all the aches and pains that you were
embalmed, you could never feel, you're starting to feel,
see? You're coming back to life.
Life is starting to take hold of you
again. Don't knock it down.
Take it. Accept it. It's beautiful.
That's the way it works. And then
we talk about here, carrying
a message to other
alcoholics. Well, now,
if you haven't had a spiritual awakening,
and you're not wanted and
needed and loved by those people around
you in this world, then you haven't
had a spiritual awakening. And
it tells you that you get your spiritual awakening
as a result of these previous
11 steps. So
if you haven't taken the 11 steps,
first 11, how the hell
can you carry the message to other
alcoholics? You don't have nothing
to give away.
And I hate to see people
come in and go out on 12
step calls, and I know in my heart they
haven't taken the 12 steps.
It doesn't happen in the group that I
belong to. Some eager beaver
wants to build up his ego a little
bit, and his call comes in. He says, I'll go.
You stay. Sit down,
you bum. I'll knock you down.
You don't go nowhere, because the
guy coming into AA has got
to have the best.
Not an egomaniac running
around, you know, telling people what a
big shot he is, but somebody
that has really something in his heart to give
away. That's who should go on a
12 step call. So having
had a spiritual awakening as a result
of these steps, then I
tried to carry the message to other
alcoholics. And I
went and see a few people
here and there, and it
became very evident from the very
beginning that my work was
not to be with individual people.
Because it just
seemed to be that my lot was to
talk to people. And I
don't know how that happened.
There are some people that seems to be there
a lot that they just run groups
beautifully. And
that's their job. And the other
guy over there, he may wash dishes
beautifully. That's his job.
And this guy over here, I don't
know what the hell he does beautifully, but
he's here, and he read that
thing out. He's carrying a
message of AA.
It's not, you know, red sirens
and lights on a car and flashing,
you know, and going out to rescue
people. That's a lot of nonsense.
So what I do when I
carry the message of that, I tell
people about me
and the trouble that I had before I
came into AA.
And I try to let him identify
with my story. I don't point the
finger at him and tell him, well, you should have done this
and you should have done that. No.
I tell him about me.
And if he can identify
with some of my life, then there's a good
chance that he'll come and look and try
to straighten out his own life.
And I remember one thing. I'd be as gentle
as possible with these people.
Gentle as possible.
Because there is nowhere in this
world that the alcoholic can go
only to AA. And
if we run him off from here
by giving him somebody
that don't know what he's talking about,
you know, well, then where's he going to go?
And he might die.
He might never get another chance.
You see? So we are
playing with other people's lives
and we had best be prepared for it
to do it properly.
And having had a spiritual awakening
as a result of these steps, we tried to
carry this message to alcoholics.
And I told you the other night
about a fellow I spoke to in a hospital
here
four years ago.
I carried the message to AA
to him that day
and I didn't stand around to see
whether it took or not.
And
I didn't stand around to see it grow.
I planted a seed and I got
the hell out of there and I planted some more seeds.
And when I came back,
lo and behold, I met him in Brisbane.
He came up there and
he told me that, you know, what I had
said to him that day, that he never
took another drink since.
And that was carrying a message.
And I told him about
me and I told him about him.
I said, you're in this dump here for
umpteenth time. And I said, you're going
to become part of the brickwork after a while.
Because you like it in here.
You are institutionalized.
Now get the hell out of here.
Don't come back here no more.
And when you get out of here, run.
And don't walk to the nearest AA meeting
and grab ahold of somebody. Hang on to him.
Because if you don't, you're going to die.
You're going to die a living death.
You're going to be relegated to institutions
for the rest of your life. So, for God's sake,
get the hell out. And he's out.
And he's doing good for four years now.
And he come up there and
he said, you love kangaroos?
Don't you? I said, I sure do.
And you know, he gave me a big damn
skin. Nothing in it,
but a skin.
A beast the hell out of nothing,
don't it? See? So now I'm going to
go home and I tell my daughter, I got a kangaroo.
She thinks I got a live one.
She didn't know what she couldn't do.
She said, will it hate my
geese?
I said, I don't think so. I think they'll
live together and love one another.
I'm a rotten thing sometimes.
You know.
I do those things to people because I feel
good, you know. And that's the way that it is.
So, that's the way
I carried my message
to other alcoholics. And I want to
say one thing too.
I carry my
message of
AA to alcoholics by
just walking down the street.
You see. And when I walk down
the street, I make sure that
you know, I walk pretty nicely.
I don't bump anybody into the gutter.
And, you know,
I just try to be a regular, decent
human being. And I go into
a restaurant, if the girl spills
coffee over me, like
happened on a plane yesterday.
The girl come down the aisle
and the plane dipped.
And, you know, she dumped a cup
of coffee all down my sleeve.
And, you know,
right there, I was going to call her a stupid
something or other, you know.
But I didn't. You know, I said, what the hell?
It's not that important. She said, oh, I'm
so sorry. And I said, don't
even worry about it. Don't even think
about it. It's okay. Because
she's got enough people on that damn plane
to break our chop. She don't need me.
You see. And, you know something?
She might think about
that, you know, I wonder who that guy was.
You know, he was nice. He didn't
holler. He didn't get upset about nothing.
You know. And maybe one day,
who knows,
she might think something about AA
or she might know I'm in it. I don't
know how it works. But I know that when
you be nice to people, people are nice
to you and it gives people a good
impression. You see?
And that's good. Now, when I
was in the hospital, I was in there for six weeks.
And just before I
left, you know, I
tried very hard not to upset the nurses
and I didn't want to be too
demanding for anything. I never am
demanding anyway. And they
come in and they say, anything I can get for you?
No, I'm good. And
they just seem to want to do
things for you because you don't want anything.
You know? And they keep coming back.
And I said, I don't
need anything. Well, do you want some almond juice?
And I said, no. Because almond juice
gives me diarrhea. See? I don't want
the almond juice. And they had a lot of
almond juice and I didn't want anything. And they
thought I was just being polite. But I wasn't.
I don't like to get out of bed to go to
petrol. And that's the way
it was. So,
about three days before I
got out, two strange women came in.
Three strange women came in.
And I didn't know who the hell they
were, you know? And
I just looked at them. I said, hi.
I said, do you want some blood or
what do you want today? And they said, no,
no. Well, she says, I'm
the male girl
and that's the telephone operator
and that's the girl on the
reception desk.
And I said, well, how do you do? You know,
it's nice to know you. What can I do
for you? She said, we just had to see
you.
And I said, well,
I hope you're satisfied, you know, doing
what you do. I live up to your expectations.
I didn't know what the hell they were talking about.
Here I am in a little shorty nightgown,
you know, with my bare feet
and split down the back and these
people are looking at me like this.
And I couldn't understand
what they wanted. They said, we just
had to see the guy
that got so many visitors,
so much mail, and so many
phone calls. And
we couldn't sleep. And we all
talked about it for four or five
weeks now. We just had to take
a look at you and see what you look like.
I said, well, do I come up to, you know,
and they said, you look good.
And we hope that you look
forever, you know. And I said, thank you.
And they left. That, I think, is
carrying the message of AA.
See? People
like me. And people
want me. And people need me.
And if I can give that away
wherever I go in all my affairs,
it says over here in the 12th step,
in all my affairs,
well then, I'm doing what I'm
supposed to be doing when I came into AA.
Well, I think that's as far that I
can go. I don't
want to go any farther than that. And
what I would like to do now, if we have a
few minutes, do we? Hey?
If you want any
questions answered,
if there's anything that I
could possibly tell you,
tell me about it. Ask me
and I'll tell you what I
know about it, see?
There's a little thing that I love, you know. It says
I shall
walk through this world but
once. And any good that
I may do, let me do it
now. Let me
not be far nor neglected,
for I shall not walk this way
again. You see? So I may
never get back to Sydney. And
there's no stupid questions ever
in AA. And if there's anything
that I can possibly answer for you,
I'm not that brilliant, you know,
but if I can tell you something, I'll be very happy
to. Is there anybody with any questions?
Well, I must
have done a remarkable job.
Yes?
What was it you said about adversity before?
Adversity?
Yeah, I say that
adversity is the
ladder that strong
men climb towards
spiritual perfection.
And where you'll find that,
a little piece
is in that piece that we have in AA
that says, AA in the higher power.
And that was written
by a friend of mine. His name was
Joseph O'Connor. And he was
a Jesuit, you see.
And he was a very unhappy man
when he died because he couldn't get
drink enough to be an alcoholic.
He tried very hard, but he threw up
too quick. And
he never could be an alcoholic.
And what he did, he wrote
that little piece, AA in the higher
power. And he wrote
that and he said, that's my contribution
to the alcoholic. And some mornings
you get up, you know, and you might feel that
well, yeah, I'm sober, so what?
Well, when you feel that way, grab a hold
of that AA in the higher power and read
it. And it will give you, so what?
You see? It's a very beautiful
thing. All right.
Anything else?
All right. Well, if there is
no more, then I have a favor to ask of you.
Tomorrow morning, quarter to nine,
you drop whatever
you're doing
and say a little prayer
for Jack B.
getting on that big iron bird
out there, see?
And pray that
when we get to Perth, that he knows
where the airport is.
And I want to say something to you.
I was here
four years ago or something.
I don't know when.
I loved
what I thought here then and I
love now even more what I see
here now.
And if there's anything that I
like to see in this world
is growth in
people. And I want to
say I am tremendously
happy
about
the people that I've met here that are still
doing good and even better than when
I was here before. And so
many step groups and things like that.
And it's just a tremendous thing.
And I want to thank all of you very, very
much for being so kind to me,
you know, and letting me talk to you so much.
And
I love my little blessing,
you know, and I'm going to tell you about it again.
May the roads rise up to meet you
and may the wind be always
at your back.
And may the sun gently warm your face
and the rain softly fall
on your fields. And until
we meet again, may the good Lord
hold us in the hollow of his hand.
And thank you, Will, and God bless you.