I Carried On Conversations With Alcohol Before I Found Out It Can’t Talk – Alabam C.

You can see a lovely alcoholic. Thank you so much. Can you hear me? All right, if you can't, please let me know. My name is Alabama Carruthers and I'm a grateful alcoholic. I'm glad to be here, but I say that everywhere I go. I'm just sad to be alive. I'm happy to be where I was invited, even though I'm two days late. And tomorrow I'm going to be very glad to know where I've been. And I don't know about you, but that was a switch for me. I went places that I don' t remember, thank God. You know, a lot of people are trying always to remember what happened in that blackout. I said, I am so grateful that he allowed me to have blackouts. I have remembered all I care to about that past. I am a grateful alcoholic. I'm a happy alcoholic. My sponsor told me when I came here that I could be as happy as I would allow myself to be. I think Abraham Lincoln said that before him, but it doesn't matter. And I believe that. I believe dat. I don't know whether it's old age. I'm really not old. Some people think so because I'll be 75 in April. That used to sound old to me, but now it sounds young to me now. And I go to work five days a week. I go off a lot of weekends to speak. I go out during the week to speak, you know, in Southern California there. And I'm out nearly every night. And I haven't changed my lifestyle, and I just hope and pray to God that he'll let me die running. And, you know, and I love being sober. I love, there's nothing in the world I love better than talking to a new alcoholic on this program that wants to hear the message. That, I love best. Secondly, I like going to these conventions. See, if you'd take my way and not even ask me to speak, I'd still love it. You know? And I am so happy that I have had so many good opportunities to go and meet so many of you. I met Joe and Mary many, many years ago, and they have been very important in my life. And at one time, they were the only people I'd ever met from Tyler. Joe and I, and Mary and I all went over to Hawaii together. I was the first woman speaker they ever paid her way to come over there. And we had a marvelous weekend over there. Ramona was with us, I remember. And we just had a great time. I thank you for your hospitality. I want to particularly thank the men that flew over and picked us up and brought us here in their plane. These two men were charming. And it was certainly nice. I really was getting tired of that airport over in Dallas. I was getting real tired. I was getting to the point that I wasn't really working my program, or was I? I just got tired and told them I was tired of their lines. They tell me the truth, I would know where I would stand, you know, about getting out over here. Everybody was talking about what they had to hurry to when they took me back in a panel wagon, you know, out to the Hilton Hotel about eight miles from the airport. It took an hour and a half to get there. And these men were talking about what they had to get to, and I said, well, I'm supposed to be speaking that Saturday afternoon in Tyler. And they said, what kind of convention is it? And I said it's Alcoholics Anonymous. of us. And the man said, I thought he said, what step are you working? And he may have, but I think he thought that I had to speak on a particular step, don't see. And I said none tonight. I have just taken the inventories of the American Eagle. This is in the dock. and he said, he said my dad's over 16 years in AA and he carries the message to the prison. And I said yeah I've done a lot of that too. I like it. I liked doing it. And i'm not sure because you see I couldn't see who I was talking to on that dance but yesterday a man said if you could find out when you talk to your friends over in Tyler what the roads are like from what's the town nearest here where I've spoken there. Longview. If you can find out, you know, they could fly into Longview, the airport was cleaned up or something. And he said, I would drive you, I'd drive you over to Tyler. And you know a perfect stranger wanted to do something for us because we were trying to do stuff with our lives. You know, and I think this, I get goosebumps When I think about this man offering, I'm not sure whether he was the son of the alcoholic or just another man that heard this on the bus. But in any case, we spent two days together in the airport. And in the hotel. And we were real friendly by the time it was all over. I'm going to tell you, there's no way, through the grace of God and my desire to be sober and all of the help that's been given me all over these years, I am 35 years sober as of December the 1st, and I'm impressed. I'm surprised what God and Alcoholics Anonymous could do for me that I couldn't do for myself. You know I tried. I never tried to quit drinking, you understand, but I tried to quick drinking so much. So much. Way back in, I think it was 1941 when that Saturday Evening Post article came out. And I read the article and I knew I was an alcoholic. I chose that Saturday evening post in small pieces and I burned it. and I prayed that before we could get into the city that they would be sold out all of the copies of the Saturday evening post and I pray diligently and my husband asked me where the post was and I said, I don't know. I miss it, don't you? And he said, well, we'll get copies when we go to jail and I thought, oh, if my prayer's answered, we won't. See, I didn't want him to know that I had a problem with drinking. I was real, real happy when a doctor at St. John's Hospital in Beverly Hills, Santa Monica there, told me that my problem was more than alcohol. I didn' t look like the rest of it. He said, I was the problem. I was a problem. They put me in that hospital and gave me interviews for three solid weeks. and I had a psychiatrist and we were getting nowhere. He had never even, we were still in my childhood and I have a happy childhood. You know, I didn't have any child since a young child. I was happy, joyous and free. I had the Pollyanna-like attitude about everything. I grew up in a loving home. Seven children, Mama and Daddy and my black nanny that raised me, you know, and a town of 400. My family founded the town, you know, years and years ago. They bought it from the Indians as a, you know, with beans. And I told them, I thought they gave them one string too many for it. This is when I got older and started drinking. You know, I loved this little town when I grew up in it. I love it now. I couldn't live there, of course. You know... I knew everybody. I was welcome in any house they in town. I knew the animals' names in the town. It just, I don't know anybody that could have had any better childhood. It was depression. But you know, we owned our own land and our own home and we had plenty of food. We couldn't go buy a new dress anytime we wanted to or anything like that because daddy was, men that worked on house farms, daddy had to support them through this bad time too. shoes. And when Daddy died, I said to my brother, you know, I remember Daddy taking care of all these families that had made money at one time for him during the Depression. And I said, do you know what? We have a rich heritage. We havea rich heritage that he didn't leave us very much up. He left Mother quite a little bit of land and we told her to live it up. Sell it and travel and live it up. She lived to 95, so she lived a lot of it up, and she fell and broke her hip and had to give up, you know, and, you knows, she was shocked. She came out to California to see me, and I took her down to the clubhouse, and I introduced her to everybody, and she just thought it was the greatest. She just thought that it was great. greatest. And the leader of the meeting asked her to stand up, and they told everybody she was my mother. And, of course, I had told everybody to behave around her and not tell them the bad things they knew about me. And my mother fell in love with AA. She absolutely fell in Love with AA, and I don't know whether any of you were raised... Well, of Of course you are. You're from Texas. But, you know, southern nurses don't air their dirty laundry, you know. You keep things like alcoholism privates, you know. My mother told people they didn't even know I drank that I was in AA. She was so happy that I was doing something about it. There were two of us, two in my family that died of alcoholism, a brother and a sister. And there are two of us that are sober. My sister stays sober through her church. Now I want to tell you something, I haven't tried to fix it. Now that's progress for me! That's progress for me. She is happy, well adjusted and they don't have a chapter in the town. I couldn't stay sober through my church. I changed churches because I felt that But, see, the Memphis Church didn't approve of drinking and dancing and smoking cigarettes. And so I, the Episcopal Church thought it was all right in moderation. So I changed over to the Episopal church when I was in my 20s, late 20s I think it was. And you know what I failed to notice was they said in moderation I didn't do anything in moderation I still don't do any thing in moderation It's the best or it's no good at all. You understand? And so I became a member of the altar guild. And you know why I did it? This was in Boulder City, Nevada. Because I knew the people in town knew I drank too much. Well, the way they knew it was, I called ambulance is when I couldn't get sober. And I'd call the doctor and tell him, send an ambulance. And I described pains that I was in. I listened carefully to people in hospitals of what they would take them to emergency room, you know, for and why they had to be called an ambulance and so forth. And I learned to describe many diseases that I have never had. I've described some so accurately that I've had more surgeries than I think were necessary. Now, I can't swear to that. I can swear to that. But anyhow, they had bowled the city. They had made me chairman of, in the women's group, they have made me chairwoman club, chairman of a fashion show and I'm one of those people, I got all this energy, you know, and everything. I didn't put a fashion show together. And I can get everything all lined up, and I did a great job of it. Everybody said they never had such a fashion show as I had arranged. But you know, the thing of it was, I was so proud of what I had done that I just drank so much thinking about what I'd done all night long, I couldn't go to the fashion show. I was too drunk to go to to the fashion show. And all night long getting drunk and celebrating what I had done. And so I couldn't tell these people that I was drunk and couldn't come. See, I called their assistant and told her I was sick and the doctor was sending an ambulance to take me to the hospital. She knew I was drugged. She was my next door neighbor. She new I was struck. But everybody there in town didn't know I was. And so they sent the ambulance and they dropped the car off. And I said, I'm not going to ride in that thing. I'll walk to the ambulance. And they said, oh no, the doctor said that you have to be taking good care of it. I think he thought I had an appendix that was going to rupture or something from the symptoms I had given him. The appendix had been taken out many years before then. And they finally figured they got to take me because the doctor had called them. They got to Take Me. And they wanted to put me on that cart in the back of that ambulance. And I wouldn't get in it. And I would let them do it. And I said, I'll go if I can sit up front. And they said, no, you have to be in the bag. And I say, put the attendant in the bags. And I'll sit up font with you. Everything went fine, except that I found where they did the siren. Yeah. And Boulder City is a small town. And I worked on that siren all the way from my house to the hospital. Wanting to be anonymous, of course. So, I knew I had to do something because I didn't want people to think I was a bad woman. woman. So I went to all the women's meetings over at the Episcopal Church, and every time the young minister said that they needed something for the church, and he was going to get to the, with the girl will you make money, you know, and pay for it, I said very quietly with all humility I thought we'll buy, no we'll donate it. We'll donate it and I lowered my voice you know to look humble. You know they elected me to the altar girl and see I knew that the people in town would know that I wasn't a bad woman or I wouldn't be on that Episcopal altar girl. It really helped me to be on it. I cut off my drinking at 4 o'clock every morning before I went to, before I worked. I'm night people. I still am but I have to work in the daytime but I still am night people as soon as my eyes are red today. I didn't like that about me. That's one of the first things that I wanted to get rid of in my inventory. That I felt I felt so phony for having done what I did to get on the altar there. And I felt that it, I felt like that was one of the worst things that I had ever done. I talked to an Episcopal priest about it who started the AA group for blacks before we were mixed in Kansas City, uh, Kansas. And he told me that I didn't hurt the church. He said, did you drink after four o'clock? And I said, oh no, and I bathed to get rid of the odor and I goggled and everything. He said, did you ever drink any of the altar wine when you were preparing it? And I never had. And he said, Alabama, you didn't hurt the church. You didn't harm the church and it might have helped you a little bit. You know, in those few hours you were there, you weren't drinking. And I don't know how you tell all of your story. I know by the time I get through, you'll know this program has worked for me. It works well enough that I haven't drunk, you know, in these 35 years. I really haven't honestly had a real great desire to drink at any time. My husband of two years, when I was three and a half years old, I believe it was, my husband and I had been married. My first husband was dead, I'll tell you that, before I came into AA. He'd been dead a year. And I married after I came in to AA, after I'd been sober two and a half years, I married a lovely, wonderful man, brilliant man. And life was just great for us, just the greatest. And he was killed in one car accident. He either went to sleep or had a heart attack. We didn't, he wasn't drinking or pilling or any of those things. And so we didn't see any need of an autopsy anything. But that, I wasn't given the news correctly. I wasn't you know policeman didn't come to my house and tell me. I was called in the funeral parlor that my first husband had taken care of his funeral there in Boulder City, called me and asked me what disposition to make for the husband's body. And I thought he maybe hadn't sent the ashes to my stepdaughter as he was supposed to years ago, and maybe that's what he was talking about. And he found out that I had not been told that my husband was dead, and they 'd been dead for nearly 12 hours. And folks, I talked about drinking. Asked him to call me back in an hour if I hadn't called him, because I was pretty sure that I was going to take a drink and just forget that it happened. Just forget that it happened, and all I remember is saying, thank you God, I don't have to drink today, and I get goosebumps, because you know God was right there with me. I wouldn't have made a decision like that. And the next thing I knew, I was dialing an AA member and said, would you come at once? Jim has been killed. And they said, run, Alabama, run. And do you know what I told them? I don't have to run. I'm all right. I can perform so many miracles that we're willing to accept him, Casey. He certainly can. Jim and I had had a marvelous year together. And as I grieved, you know, in the kind of poor me thing, the fellas that really loved Jim and me heard that poor me, you you know, when I started going back to AA. And they told me that it was going to be pull me a drink if I kept it up. It'd go from pull me to pull me a drink, you know. And they showed me that I ought to get down on my knees and thank God that I had a year and a week with a man I truly loved and a man who truly loved me. And they said that everybody at that club in Bakersfield, California knew that Jim and I had something special, and we didn't have to talk about it. And we did our twist at work together. We just loved living. We just loved living. And they told me that I would thank God every day for having had it, because they had never had a relationship of that nature. And they were so right. They asked me if I was eating solid food yet, and I said, you know no, I can't swallow it. The doctor is giving me some kind of a mixture to drink that will, you know, take care of their vitamins and so forth. They said, Alabama, we're going to take you to a restaurant. We go over steak, a salad, and a baked potato. We're going to cut it in small pieces, and if need be, we'll put it in a spoon and feed you there in the restaurant. We're go into an all-night restaurant. You can take your time chewing it. I said, but I can't swallow. They said, we'll give you a lot of water to wash it down. Those boys sat there in that restaurant until I ate every bite. Now, that's true love, people. That's true Love. Then they said, they're going home. And Alabama, if you're uncomfortable and you're good, you better go change into something comfortable. We're going to be here a while. And they stayed and they took that inventory of mine. And they did a better job than I've ever done, you know, with it. They could see me as I really was. And they knew what I had been before this happened. And they stayed until the people in the neighborhood were going to work the next morning. We sat in there talking all night long. And they told me that the only thing that was going to help me was for me to get a new baby right away and start working with a new gal in AA right away. And I was so grateful to those men. My attitude had changed completely. I was så grateful to these men that I walked out with them to the car in my robe. And I kissed them, both of them goodnight, and thanked them. And thanked them for spending the night with me. My neighbors are walking out with their briefcases going to work and Bakersfield is not Hollywood. And I didn't give a damn what they thought. It didn't matter to me what they thought. All that mattered to me was those men loved me enough to stay there all night and help me get my thinking on the right track again. Two days later, a man called me and said that he was working with a girl whose family he was very close to and she wasn't going to be able to stay sober and stay at home. That they had absolutely no no understanding. And said, Alabama, would you please take her in your house with you? Until we can do something for her. You know what I did? I said, yes. Then I found out her boyfriend was an alcoholic and I said call him up and tell him to come over and have dinner with us. I took them to AA. I've worked with these two alcoholics. I have not heard from them in years. In years. I hope they both are sober. But you see, it saved my sanity. It saved my sanity because you can't think about two things at one time and I was concerned that these two kids stay sober. And in trying to help them, of course, I gradually got well from the death of my husband. I grew up in this small town. I loved it, I told you. I don't think that there was anything that happened in my childhood that made me an alcoholic, I was known for integrity. I was in an accident that occurred and when I showed up as witness for the person who had killed this mule that was on the highway, the man's attorney that owned the mule said if she is going to appear for him and say that she's known for her integrity. Her whole family is known for their integrity. You haven't got a chance, man. I don't think William should take it into court. And then I got to the point where I was not known for my integrity. Because you have to lie a lot when you drink like I did. I loved my husband. I'd been married to... I was married to him 16 years before he died suddenly of a heart attack. that. Only man I had ever really been in love with. The only man I really had ever wanted to marry. He almost didn't marry me. He took me out, he was a mining engineer, gold mining at that time. I've been called a gold digger and I don't even mind it. And I like money what advice that is. I don't want it just for myself. But anyhow, I drank an awful lot that day out at the mining camp and he was entertaining all of his staff and their wives or girlfriends. And I'm seated with my back to the fire in the dining room out in this the mining camp. And have you ever known you were going to pass out? You know, and I knew that there was no way that I was going to fall with my face in my plate, you know, at the dinner table. And so as I started falling, I put my hand here and I said, oh my heart. All the men wanted to know should they get an ambulance, what should they do, you know, everything. Just help me pick her up and put her in there in the bed. She's drunk. Now, I did this in front of the people that he had to keep their respect. And on the way home that night, he told me that he couldn't marry me if I was going to drink like that. And you know what I told him? Because I was still drunk. I told Him that was his problem. And I went in and went to bed. First thing I know, in those days, we don't lock our doors, you know, besides in those times. First thing I know, he is knocking on my bedroom door. And he said he came back to apologize. I've often wondered if he hadn't come back to apologize, what would have happened? And I said, that's okay. That's okay And I tried not to drink so much God, I tried for a long time and then I tried to drink all I could I had a girl that was raised in the Depression, in a town of 400 people, related to nearly all of them. I had married this mining engineer that worked for very large companies. Their stockholders were people that I had read about in The Wall Street Journal. They didn't have so many millionaires then. Quite a few of the the stockholders over those 16 years were millionaires. Well, I met people of the caliber of Wendell Wilkie and people like that, you know, that I was hostess to when I was in my early 20s. And thank God I had a hospitable mother and father that loved people and that knew... Somebody asked me how I knew how to entertain people like this. And I said, what do you mean like that? I said they're people. And I said, my mother and father were very hospitable people. And even though I grew up in a town of 400, people had keys, they had bodies. Ever since I was that high, relatives would invite me to pay for mints or do something, assist, you know. And then as I got older, I was allowed to serve at the French Bowl, you'd know it. Because the kinfolks kind of bruised you for these things, you know. Even though it was Depression and small town, they they had manners, and they taught me manners, but sometimes I forgot them as I drank. But anyhow, what happened was that I was invited when they would have psychologist meetings in New York, they'd ask them to, I was the company hostess by this time, they would ask them to bring me, and I would go, andI would stay in their home, and l loved it when they had chauffeurs and helpstand maids, the whole floor, our third floor maids you know out out on the island. I loved it when I went to their yacht clubs, and I loved it when they went to the hunting and fishing clubs that were started before the Civil War. It was just like a storybook, the life I was leading. Just like a storeroom. To get to meet such interesting people. Not just the money they had made, but the way they made it. You know, some of them had damn diamond mines even. And it's better than any fiction that I had ever read, and I loved every minute of it. And I loved our trips to New York and San Francisco, and I loved being the company hostess, and getting to meet and talk to all of these wonderful men. And we had a party one night, and they arranged a very good party because they brought the main stockholders of this particular company down into North Carolina. Incidentally, I'm going there two weeks from this weekend. And I just wonder if I'm gonna run into people that knew me as a drunk in North Carolina, this is many, many years ago. But anyhow, I had raged at the best club. A nice table, nice setup, nice menu, everything, everything was just perfect. And I'm sitting to the right of the chairman of the board. I don't like that man. I never did like him. I didn't like his ethics. I did not like anything about him, but I had always been a very nice hostess and he apparently, I don' t know whether he liked me or not, but in here tolerated me. And when it just came down, I'm drinking a lot, of course. They all are. But I drank an awful lot more. I drank to get ready for the party. Of course, it took a while for for me to get ready. And when she told me a little silly joke about the devaluation of the American dollar, and she said, here it is, and it was a new nickel with the taxes out of it. I told this to the, I had to be drunk to think it was funny, I told this to, uh, the chairman of the board, and he looked at me and he said, where people people all around us could hear it as well as at the table, that he didn't know I had communistic ideas. You don't say that to a drunken rebel. I stood up because my voice would carry better with me standing. My husband stood up. I said, sit down, you're a damn Yankee, too. Now, everybody at the table were Yankees, you know. I didn't want him to sit into this because I didn' t want him lose his job. He had a job for life with this big company. They had many minds. And I called that man a son of a bitch loud so everybody in that room would hear it. My husband had never heard me swear. I had used those words once before in my life. I heard the men that throwed the kettle in call that kettle that wouldn't go the way they wanted to, sons of bitches. And my brother said I reneged at old me and I called him a son of a bitch. And he told my mother and she washed my mouth with live soap. So you don't, you learn readily with live soap not to swear. And my husband had never heard me use the swear word. Drunk or sober. But I did it there. And I took Rick further. I told him that my family was making this a safe democracy while his family was trying to get steerage together. And it was the truth. I had wanted to tell him that before. I had wanted to tell him that before I called we finished dinner on the way home my husband said he was going to resign the next morning and I said you are not I'm leaving you early in the morning I'm leaving you you've got a job for life I messed it up I am going to leave you you are not going to leave your job and I called a man that was sick a senior consultant for the big company and I called him and told him to please come over and talk to my husband that he was going to resign. And he and his wife came over they were lovely lovely people and I told them exactly what I had done and what I said and he said Evelyn that's my real name I drank with that name so I like Alabama better I think that girl Evelyn did things that made me ashamed shame. You know, things that I would not consider, Evelyn did things that Alabama wouldn't consider doing. You understand? You know I've done everything I had to do to stay drunk. But anyhow, he told me he wished I could have just said the same thing sober to the man that he had wanted to ever since he'd known him. And I stayed on no longer as company company hostess. They never, until my husband died, had a party except stag in that company because they couldn't insult my husband about including me. My husband died very suddenly. We were living up in Las Vegas. And if alcoholism wasn't in bloom for me already and the consumption of it, it certainly became so there. I didn't know it, my husband Gamal, but I had never ever been the kind of wife that stood over her husband at the poker table or at the craft table or anything. I would play a little 21 and drink. I never understood why people could be lined up wanting seats, and they never told me when I wasn't playing my hand to get up. I understand now my husband was a big loser all over town. You know, then it was about five real good hotels there. I, I never quite understood why we were invited to all all of the parties that they gave, and while we had the, you know, center front seats at all the floor shows and everything. I didn't realize that my husband gambled that much and lost that much. You know, I'd lose $20 or $30 and quit. You know, see, my obsession was drinking. I had much rather be drinking than playing 21 or gambling. Oh, I might make $20 to $30. So when he asked me how I came out, I said I I lost a little, I won a little. And when I asked him, he said the same thing. I didn't know until he died that nearly our whole life's savings was gone. Well, a great part of it was, anyhow. And I gave an attorney the rights to, you know, executive farming and so forth. And, you knows, he didn't settle my estate until I had been sober, I think, five years. this. The man just didn't want me to get that money and use it all up, you know. And I'm so grateful that he didn't. Incidentally, folks, when I came to AA, you can't tell about all of that 75, but I'm going to tell you this. See, I know that I had alcoholism and that drinking the alcohol was but a symptom. But you've got to do something about the a symptom before you can do something about the alcoholism. If you're like me, you can't do it drunk. You can't do it in those hospitals where they're giving you tranquilizers and stuff. I would never take it. You know, if you've got a love affair, you don't cheat. I was true to the alcohol from the very beginning. I wouldn't even take the pills when I was in the hospital. You know, I mean, they get, you know, after major surgery, they give me shots and things, but I'm talking about the sleeping pills and the pain pills. I wouldn't take them. And I let it be known in that hospital that I didn't swallow those pills, that I spit them out, or else I took nurses in to let me wait until I finished reading that chapter, you now, before I took my sleeping pill and my pain pill and all that stuff. And I let it be known among the nurses that I didn't like pills. And I finally found one who did. And she distributed a lot of the medicine. And I told her that I did not like it, that I do not want to take those pills. And she said they are very expensive and I have a father that is very ill. And she says save them for me. And I said, of course. Of course I stole something away that somebody needs. And as soon as she took those in her little hot hand, I said I'll get my checkbook over there. I'll give you a check. I want you to bring me a pint of whiskey and put it in my makeup case. Don't know where the key was. Lock it. Every morning when you come to work. Do you know what my sponsor told me when I came to AA? He told me that that was blackmail. I said, Walt, I was just smarter than most. He said, any way you look at it, Alabama, it is blackmail and it's an ugly word. That man would not let me call things by the names I wanted to. I told him I, you know, when he wanted me to write, Like, you know, he wanted me to list my assets and my liabilities. And I said, I don't know what to write. I'm being very modest. I know a lot of good things about me, you know, but I'm not going to write them down. He said, well, start writing down the lie. And I thought, Walt, I exaggerate to make the story better maybe. But I am not a liar. I have been known for my integrity. He said, Alabama, shut up and write them lie. And write the opposite of that truth. And all truth. And all truths. There is no fine line there. None. You either tell the truth and all of it or you're a lie. And then he said, write them see. I said, Walter, I haven't sold them anything since I took nickels and dimes from mamas and daddies. You know, when I was a kid. I quit farting, quit doing it. He said, Alabama, you said you went out with married men. And I said, I didn't. And he said that when their wives and children, they spent money on you that their wives' children should have had and everything. That makes you a thief, Alabama. I said well, I don't want those men. I just wanted an escort because the places in New York that I wanted to go to you had to have a male escort. And I thought, and I want to tell you something else. I never went out with a man that didn't have enough for all of us. I don't know whether I thought that made me better then or not. As I came to know myself, I realized it didn't. So you... When I talk to the girls, I have to tell them that I did a few of the things that they have done, but I just did it on a bigger scale, that I certainly, if I was going to have an affair with a man, it would certainly be somebody that could kick me to all the nice places and so forth. I thought they were very common, you know, when that was every Tom, Dick, and Harry. And God, how I hated myself after I awakened one morning. and I was still married and got a telephone call and a man asked me to go out with him and I didn't ever know I had been out with him before and I had committed adultery apparently from what he animated and I want to tell you something folks it nearly killed me because I I not only was raised with good morals I had set good standards for me to live by and it nearly killed me every time I thought of it I had to get drunk again. And I had wished that I could tell my husband, and then I didn't think it was fair to tell my husband, you know. And I certainly wasn't going to tell anybody else. I certainly wouldn't. I had told the man that I was in a blackout. I didn' t even remember being out with him. I told you now that I'm glad that I don't remember some of my blackouts. I was in New York after my husband died during that year. I had gone up there to, I've got to watch this watch because I will get sober before it's over. Anyhow, I went to, I met a man after my husband died. I like men. I've always liked men. Men have always been good to me. As I didn't respect myself and like me, I didn't like women quite as much as I always had because I thought they were like me you know and I didn t think you could trust them because I wasn't trustworthy any longer but as long as I had self-respect I liked women and that is the one nice thing that has happened to me since I've been in AA I like the the women in AA, I like you as my friends. I respect you and I respect the program and what it's going to do for those of you who haven't quite, you know, shaped up. And I don't condemn you for anything you did, but I had money and didn't have to do anything, you knows. And if it took it for you to work the street, I'm glad you're here. I have seen girls sweet girls that came in here and became ladies I sponsor a number of them I am so proud of those women I am SO PROUD OF THOSE WOMEN they walk tall and do you know every man is at North Hollywood group respects those ladies they know what they were like I mean they have told their stories in the making certain things and uh outright but nicely put and uh and those men those men possibly have as great respect for those women of any women that come into aa and it makes me feel good when i hear these stories and when i see them and when I see them and when know that they have accepted the fact that God loves them that he's forgiven given them that they are God's children, and they can walk in human dignity again. Because that's what this whole program to me is all about. Human dignity. Human dignity, that we can walk tall, that we can talk tall. I don't have to be ashamed of my past. That was the old me. I have asked God to forgive me, and I have asked everybody concerned. I did not get in touch with the men who had wives. I thought it was better I not call. And, you know, but anyhow, I'm in New York. Yeah, I met a man that thought he wanted to marry me. And, uh, you knew, he sent me all kinds of gifts and everything, and he sent a ticket and wanted me to come to New York and meet his family and go out to that place, his place in Connecticut, and they'd have a family reunion so I could meet all the in-laws and to be and everything. everything. And everything went fine until, they were social drinkers, heavy social drinker's, you know. They celebrated my arrival and his mother was deaf and I heard her say, she's such a lovely southern belle. I'm going to tell you something when I left there the bell said quit chiming. They were clanging. Mama and all of the family went out visiting neighbors. They too had not been in the community in quite a little while. Left Carl and I for him to listen to a ball game on the radio. And when the game was over, I said, Carl, let's have a drink. I'm dying. See, I have brought whiskey to drink between drinks. You know, social drinks. I drank with them socially and then I had my bottle in my bag. And I'm just dying. Just dying for a drink." And do you know that man looked at his watch and he said it was too early? I have never heard anything as ridiculous in my life. And then he went even further, and he said, and we don't want to drink alone. Two people aren't alone. And besides, I didn't care what he drank with me. You know, it never fazed me whether it was alone or with somebody. And that man, I really looked at him carefully. And I evaluated the property to the best of my ability. And he was a young, well, he was in his early 40s. I was about 38, I think then, about 38. And he had a good junior executive job. And really, I thought until he wasn't smart enough to, I thought at the time that he certainly would have got better promotions. But anyway, it was valuable property. and I wondered if I couldn't live out there in Connecticut and stay sober I mean drink while he was away on business and be sober by the time he got home and something told me you can't sober up at your own will you never have been able to you had to have doctors and nurses I used nurses like servants I'm not proud of any of these things I used ambulances like taxes During the war you couldn't get a taxi, but you could get an ambulance. I chartered planes. Well if you were in a dry county and couldn't find your bootlegger, you would too. You know, if you go die if you didn't get drink. That's the reason I worked for a living. I didn't think the best was good enough for me. I thought the supply was endless. You understand? instead. And I quit chartering planes. But if I had the real money, I'd do it again. But anyhow, what happened was that man wouldn't get me a drink. So I went in and called a cab, went 13 miles, bought two bottles. What, fifth for me or fifth to give my host? Got that. I hid my fifth out in the yard under the bush as I came out of the cab. And And I walked to the kitchen to give to his mother, you know, something for the house. That man took that bottle away from me. You don't take a drunk's bottle away if you're like me. You know what I mean? If they are like me, I picked up a full Coke bottle and his mother said, he saw me do it. I'm across the rim from him. and I threw that thing he got a chair like this over his face and I drew that thing and busted that kitchen chair and his mother killer mother was standing there by him I asked them would they please give me a ride into New York you know I was packing right away and thank God I didn't marry him thank God I don't even know what it was like all we had in common was baseball and I knew the season and was too short. And I stayed in New York for weeks after that. I was checked in two hotels at one time, and staying at another. I do not remember being in the Waldorf Astoria. And I owed them over a thousand dollars in 1952. That's a lot of money. It's a a lot of money to me today. But you know, we're talking about $7,000 or better, aren't we? And I didn't pay to go to nightclubs. I didn' buy my own drinks except the drinks I drank alone, you know. In the room and so forth. I did'n buy my meals. I had friends in New York that took me out. Friends really, you kno. They called my brother and said, that owed him over $1,000 and said, well, why are you calling me? And she said, she works for your company, represents your company. He said, She doesn't represent me anywhere of the company. And he said, What did she say she'd do? And he says, Mr. Robinson, we just wouldn't like to quote her. But we could take it, you know, like it or not. That's the way it's going to be. She said when she got sober, if she could find the key and got home, and she could found the key to her vault, that she would sell some stock. And she would cover this check. And that we damn sure could do, just leave it alone until she could do it. And he said, when did she say she'd do it? And he says, she said when he was able. When she was able, and that's the last word we had from her. I stayed on there until I got ready to leave. They didn't want to see me, I guess. Yes. And I woke up in the PA and didn't know how the hell I got there. Just had no idea how I got There. I'm checked in at the Waldorf and the Roosevelt Hotel at the same time. I have no idea How I got Ther. That's a long story. I did find out that the people loved me enough to take care of me. And they took me back to the hotel with them. They had four rooms suite. week. I woke up without any clothes in the room. I had on men's pajamas and, you know, and there were bedroom shoes of men's there, and a man's robe across the bed. I'm sleeping alone. I look in the closet, and I've got no clothes there. At first, I had to look and see where I was, you knew, with the towels and the, you now, and the embossed stationery and so forth, and then I saw it was the Pierre. And I really had never been to the Pierre air before, but I knew of it. And I mean, I had been fatigued, but I'd never stayed there. And you know, I was frightened, folks. I was frightening. I had no clothes in that closet. I didn't feel that I could call down and say, how did I get here? Or go down in a man's robe. And they knocked on the door next to me, thinking that it might be a sweep, and it wasn't an answer. And i did that through three other rooms. And the men, three men that I had had met the night before, was sitting in the sitting room waiting for me to get up before they ordered breakfast and said valet would have my clothes up soon. I never asked those people why my clothes were set to valet. Whether I fell down, whether I was sick all over them or what happened. I didn't want to know. They asked me what I'd like for breakfast and I said if you don't mind, I'd really just like to get cleaned up and get back to my hotel. These three men took me back to my hotel together, took me up to the floor where I got my keys, you know, on my floor, gave me a card, one of them, and sat on there and put his home number below his business number. And he said, if my wife answers, tell her that you are the lady that the three of us met. And we'll get in touch with the other men and their wives, and we'll have a party when you come to Dallas. Folks, you you know, I never have called that number. I never called it. I was so grateful to God when he gave me that card with the whole number on it, I did not know what to do. And I also was so thankful when all three of them walked me in to my hotel. So I had to feel like they just took care of a sick, drunk girl, you know. Well, that's enough of my story. And I've been telling you about my sobriety along with it. I was in hospitals from New York all the way to California I took an abuse they told me it killed me or made me so sick I couldn't drink and they are lies it made me awfully sick but it didn't kill me did it and I drank on top of it every time I drank right after having it one day you know for three weeks they give it to me and then And they told me to stay off of it. I forgot how many days before, if I was going to drink. How in the hell did they think I was gonna know when I was gon' die if I didn't get a drink? I don't know how they thought that I wouldn't, I could stay offof it that long. And I drank on top of it, made me awfully sick. And I just watched my face turn red, my eyes turn yellow. and, you know, stand over the sink regurgitating. I did that off and on for a year and go back to the Anabuse. I wanted to quit drinking, but I wanted it to be a good thing. I wanted more than I wanted to quit thinking, you understand. And my husband was dead and I didn't feel I had anything to live for. And when he died, I was on the Anobuse and I stayed sober just through the funeral and I excused myself from all the guests And I said, I'm going to bed. I'm very tired. I locked myself into my sitting room, bathroom, bedroom. And I drank on top of that and abused then. I made it through the funeral. That was all. The rest of that year was just hell. Just hell. My family did everything they could. They got me into every hospital they could good. And I used up every connection I had, you know, to get sober. And my brother, when I got home, he had the doctor and the nurse. They found me in another hotel, the Roseville. They got the doctor nurse to put me on the airplane. And they said they didn't think they could get me on an airplane.And they said, well, she's traveled under doctor's office before, drunk. And they said, yes, but how are we going to get her up those steps? You know, you went out on the field then and everything in New York. And he said, well you put her in the wheelchair and you wheel her out there. And you have somebody walk ahead of her with a brown paper sack and a fifth in it and you scrunch the sack around it so she can be sure it's a fifth. And your walk ahead of it and say, I will lead you you to your seat. And she'll beat you there. Sick or not sick. And that's what happened. That's what happen. My family told me that they were going to have to ask Mother and Daddy to have me incarcerated, and the only way I could be incarcerated was under mental charge. And I said, but you know I'm not insane when I'm drinking. And they said yes, they knew it. They knew it, but the judge didn't. And to add to, they said that Mother well, the daddy couldn't take any more of this. And they didn't want me to go to any more parties that their wives went to that they could handle it but their wives couldn't because I'd show up with my own whiskey if it was a party where they weren't drinking and if they were serving drinks, of course I drank too much. And they said I embarrassed their children and I embarrassed them and I embarrassing their wives and they didn'T ever want me in their homes again if I had had a drink that seemingly their children knew that I was sick and not dead and let's keep it that way. Everyone of those kids, the grown men up in the forest and they have grandchildren and my nephews and two boys and each of them had two boys and when I go back there I am treated like a queen and they respect me and they tell people that have problems that they're aunts in AA and that she just has a wonderful life. And I don't have any children of my own and it's just great to have the respect of my nieces and nephews and great-nieces and nethues and to have respect for my brother that's still living and from all of my family. And I had to have surgery and they thought it was cancer and I knew it was on the breast and I used to carry my bottle there so the policeman couldn't get it if he stopped me you know what I'm saying and I new that he'd have to have a female get the bottle from my bra and I wore a lot of stoles I wear them now because I just got used to hiding you know, the protrusion there and I never got I've been stopped by cops but they didn't see a bottle and And I'd ask them would the police drive me. I didn't feel very well, but they'd drive me home and get the other cop to follow them. And do you know I've never been arrested? I have never been arresting. The cops in Sedalia, Missouri went out and got my whiskey to keep me off the streets. I put my car in storage and told them that it wasn't working and put it on blocks because I came out of a blackout not knowing that I was even out driving. and it was slippery like this ice out here and there and I realized I could have killed somebody and I put that car in storage and kept it in there until I was sober quite a little while and what happened was that my brother told me he sent me with the driver to the two adjoining big cities to have other tests made to see if that operation was necessary told me not to worry that I'd have the finest doctors and nurses that money could buy. My family rallied around us. They'd always done with love and so forth and so on. It wasn't malignant. It wasn'T malignant, and I was so grateful. They kept me in that hospital three weeks. They'd keep me about three days there and rush me out, you know, three weeks because they wanted to. See, I've been in there to come off drugs a lot of times, but they wanted me to get well so I wouldn't have to drink. And the doctors built me up and kept me there and let me be, I was ambulatory and they let me write letters for the patients and range the flabbers and gave me the use of the doctor's library so I could read about alcoholism and they thought I was doing so great. And I went home at the end of three weeks knowing that I would never drink again because I liked being sober, I liked staying over there with those people and being of service to those people. I went for a dinner with my brother and sister-in-law and I got home. And in that apartment, I couldn't stand it. Those walls just started coming in. I'm alone with my thoughts. I am sober and I know what I'm like. And I don't like what I have, the inventory that I have taken in my head about me. I don' t like it. I don''t want to live in these circumstances anymore. And I know I can't stay sober because I ordered a case of whiskey and I wasn't expecting company. me. And I decided I'd drink until I died, or else my family had me incarcerated, and I knew I'd have to make them incarcerate me until I had all I wanted. But folks, I have never had all that I wanted, no matter how much I drank. But now I haven't wanted a drink in all of these years, you know. And obviously I didn't die. I was just reborn. gone. They found me there five days later, not having been into the food, seen any use or any cooking hadn't been done or food stuff around. In the bed with me were ten and under the bed were ten fists. Ten fists. And I had done nothing but lay there in bed and drink drink, and I guess crawl to the bathroom. The bed wasn't wet when I came to. But anyhow, I guess I had to crawl. I certainly couldn't walk. I got, I was up. Something got me up one day, and a phone call. And this woman said she would like to come over and see me from AA. And I said, honey, uh, I'm getting ready to go to work. I worked for my brothers It was a little bit, you know, nine months before then. And she said, well, she wouldn't detain me from my work. Well, I didn't know it was in the wintertime. I didn'T know it WAS five o'clock in the evening. I mean, seven o' clock in the morning. And I'M trying to dress to go to work drunk, you KNOW. And she SAID, HONEY, I WON'T DETAIN YOU LONG FROM YOUR WORK, BUT LET'S TALK. And you KNOW that woman taught me in going home with me. She WOULDN'T let me take my bottles, but she SAid she'D buy one. So if I started going in DTs or convulsions, anything, she'd give me a drink. And she took me to her home and people like you came there. Very few women sober in AA in a little place like Sedalia, Missouri. This woman, I found out later was on pills, but God bless her. It didn't matter. She loved me enough to save my life, you know. And the wives came with their husbands. and I love you Al-Anon women you were called family group then but I love you you let me know by inviting me into your home that I could walk tall and take my rightful place in society again you let me know that you loved me and no matter what I had done you understood and God that was great and you Lynn that came told me about the program I already knew but I just had never worked it because I'd been to AA you know all across the country. I never, you know, some people said that they went and it didn't work for them. And I didn't expect it to work for me because I took a bottle with me when I went. You know, I didnít go dry to AA meeting. And what happened was that I nearly died. And the hospital wouldnít take me. They said theyíd had me too many times. They didnít know what to do with me. I caused trouble. I pulled IVs out of my ankles and in my arms. And that the doctors wouldnít to have me there anymore. And they didn't know what to do for me in here. They called all around and there was no hospitals that would take me. And, they couldn't, it was, you know, they were stolen, planes weren't flying, it wasn't like the weather was over in Dallas a year during that time. And their couldn't get me out to New York because I had been to the Knickerbocker Hospital there and you could be sponsored by central, I mean a GSR, whatever, central office in a group, in a group sponsored you there. They couldn't get me to New York, they couldn't get me Akron and they couldn' get me California, the only places they knew. There was no detox place for women in that part of the country. And the trains weren't flying and they wouldn't let me on the train because they were afraid I was going to die. And the man worked for the railroad company and he said, no way, because we, you know with the late old Griffith. She's dying, you know, and so forth. And so they didn't know what to do. And they called a man named Walt. Now this is a miracle, folks. They called a men named Walt and they said that they told them about me and they couldn't get me anywhere and that money wasn't any object. The family would do anything they could to get me where. And he said we got no place for him. What they had was upstairs over an empty store on what would be skid row if independents had had a skid row. The widows kind of hung out on that street, you know. And upstairs, back of a club room or the meeting room, they had petitioned off rooms and put cops in them. And the fellas detoxed their fella alcoholics. The thing of it is they didn't take women there because they didn'y have any women to detox their fella alcoholcs. And they said, Walt, she's going to die. She is going to Die Without Help. And he said, she is as sick as you were, Walt. And Walt was trying to kill himself in a jail. He was trying beat his brains out in the jail. And a black pooter went to the judge and said, that man ain't insane like his wife says she is. She was sitting there talking to him. That man's an alcoholic. And there's a doctor called Dr. Nason. He's dead. I'll use his full name. name. And this Sam, who's an alcoholic that knows what to do for those men, let me go get the doctor and let him take this man out of here. And he did. And Walt was sober for the rest of his life. And Walter said, we got no place for a woman alcoholic here. They said, well, she's going to die. And He said, all right, give her all the whiskey she needs to get her here. Drive carefully. You're going to need snow tires and everything to to get here, but bring her on. And they did. And the wives came up to try to help me and they couldn't because I was maniacal. But do you know that Walt, having been just where I was, knew just exactly how to handle a maniacal drug. And he stayed with me five days and nights. They brought him a reclining chair there. He took off his shoes and put on bedroom rim shoes, and I remember as sick as I was seeing those feet twice the normal size because he had not been able to leave that rim except to go to the dance room. That man told me over and over andover that I could be sober and I could sane on a lifetime basis the day at a time. And he told me what happened to him. He told me about Dr. Nason, and he said I'm calling them right now because Alabama, we don't know what to do for you. Oh, I forgot got to tell you that the place, the Salvation Army wouldn't have picked up anything there. You know, it was dirty. They didn't have enough money to buy food unless somebody sobered alcoholic came by and went to the store. We had to wait to get our meals. They wouldn't let my family send any money up there. They said when I was got sober, I would pay for my stay there.They wouldn't take any money from my family. My family would have fed them mall, you know. And they called Dr. Nason and he came. And he came twice a day in these snowstorms on these icy roads. A busy, busy man with a hospital practice. A man who had started a hospital on the third floor in Kansas City, Kansas for men only. And this man came and at the end of the fifth day he told Walt the prognosis was insanity, a death. He said, I'm afraid she's going to have a wet brain, Walt. I have never seen a woman and go through this that didn't. And I've seen very few that had, you know, like that. And he said, Walt, I've done everything that medical science knows to do. She should be in the hospital because, Walt you may not be able to handle her. But I'd have to put her in restraint and she is a fighter. And if she fights those restraints her heart won't last. Her heart won'T last. I'm surprised it's lasted this long. and he said Walt you better call and see if we can't use the padded cell over at the jail in Independence if needed and Walt told me he said Alabama I have prayed I have prayed the same prayer over and over and over aloud your mother and your father are praying for you in that church Your brothers in their church, they're praying for their sick sister. Alcoholics all over Missouri that don't know you are praying for you. And it's not working. And it'S NOT WORKING. And he said, the only thing I know, the doctor says there is not another thing medically that can be done. He says, the one thing I only know to do Alabama is maybe you, maybe God's polite. light. And maybe he doesn't come where he's uninvited by the host. And he said, why don't you pray that prayer I've been praying and ask God to restore you to sanity and remove the obsession for you to drink? All of this was told to me later. And I said, well, you know, I can't remember that much. And He said, honey, I know. He said just say God let me me mean it? And said word for word after me. And I said this prayer word for word after Walt, asking God to let me mean it. And in a dirty bathroom that 12 men and I were using together, y'all can see the walls and around the toilet bowl, one toilet bowl. And the members also used it when they had meetings there too. I heard God, don't be frightened, if you've been there you wouldn't have heard a thing. But I heard God say to me that I could be sober and I could be sane on a lifetime basis, the day at a time. And you know that wasn't the miracle? The miracle was I believed it. I believed that I could be sore. I get goosebumps when I talk about it. I believed that I can be sober, and that I could be sane in my life. That I could basis, the day at a time. And I went down the hall telling what had happened, what God had said to me, that I could be sober and I could be sane. And they ran and got Walt and said, Walt, this happened. He said, what's happening? She she's totally insane, totally. You're going to have to have her locked up right away. Paul said, what's she doing? And they told him what I was saying. And he said, oh no, this is possibly the sanest she's ever been in her life. And I went to sleep after having an out-of-body experience after this. And I don't go into that too much because I really don't remember too much about it. But the doctor told me that that's what it was called. And it was a spiritual awakening for me, the whole thing was. But I just love it being dramatic like this, though. Because I felt like I had been floating in the air outside, you know, and that my body was weightless, and that I was a child again. I felt Like I was A Child Again, and That I Could Fly. lie, and that I had no aches, I had no pains, and my mind seemed to be clearing. And I went to sleep and I slept eight solid hours. And I awakened with my mind in a better shape than when I went to that hospital. Because I wasn't well, but I mean, I knew everything that was happening. And i was so grateful to God. I was so grateful to God. How could I not keep trying to carry this message? And be grateful at the same time for what happened to me. I tried to stay with a girl that was in the same situation that I was in. And do you know, I didn't last 24 hours because I couldn't stand it. I could not handle it any longer. I just wasn't spiritually as fit as Walt was. But I tried, and they had to take her to hospital, and she remained there over a year. Over a year. She's sober, and he's sane now, and has been for quite a while. But I cried. And you know, it really grieved me that I wasn't spiritually fit to stay five days and nights with her as well as it had been for me. But maybe God didn't intend for me to stay 5 days and night. Maybe He had 5 people He wanted to talk to me then and he wanted me to talk to him. I'm in a position, I'm not a counselor. I do not want to be paid for anything of that nature. Now, that's all right. I am not. Other people, everybody does what they have to do. But I like working as manager, secretary, treasurer, bookkeeper for the North Hollywood group, which is a big group. Plains is a group special. There's only one bigger than that around there. And I found Ohio.org. You know where it is. And anyhow, I am paid to answer that telephone and to tell them where our meetings are and to call other members and ask them to go see the people and so forth and so on. But you see, the thing of it is, I'm not paid to cancel. So I can talk to every one of those newcomers that come in. And do you know they come back and talk to me? And I get after them. I tell them if they don't get their act together and if they go start acting mentally and quit talking during meetings and find themselves as alcoholics when they get up there to speak, you know, I tell him, and I tell her if they do not do these things that they are not going to stay drunk. And you know I tell those girls it is inappropriate to sit in men's laps at a day aid meeting. And that... and I tell them they're cheap hussies and they'd be a lady if they'll shape up if they're shaped up I said the boys are not going to marry you I said I slept with two men down at this club I was engaged both of them both of em married me one of them didn't work we didn't have in common intimate sex and alcoholics synonymous and it's not enough he's a great man but not for me married to an Al-Anon and a happy same day see. And I'm happy for him, you know. I'm happy for them. There was a man who asked me to marry him and go to New York. Had a lot of money. AA. Old thing. My husband and I had gotten him in AA. And the whole thing. And I couldn't sell. You know, I just the money just wasn't that interesting. I liked him but I didn't love him. And I would have been in a position back there with him that I could not spend 24 hours if I can to working with a sick alcoholic. And, I'm grateful that I made that decision and he's happy with who he married. Uh, I am grateful I made the decision. I could not live alone. I couldn't live with anybody that would allow me to go as much as I go. I mean it wouldn't be fair to a person. And i have decided that what I like to do is carry the message and work for the sick alcoholic. And you know, I just felt that as long as I live, that's just what I'm going to do. It's not going to take a hell of a lot for me. I paid all of my bills. My brother brought me a stack, and I'm gonna quit in a minute. That high? And he told me to write every creditor and tell them that I had been ill the reason I hadn't paid those bills. And I said, what shall I tell him? I've been ill well. And he said, why don't you try alcoholism? And I wrote them all. and I told them I was going to send them several dollars when I got to work and was well enough to go to work. Folks, I've got to tell you this. And I did what I told him. My credit was not spoiled one particle. I paid off the less when my estate was settled. You know where we owed thousands there. I couldn't pay off all of it. But, you know, I sent them remittance every month. All of these people in the small bills I got paid off, you knew. I didn't go out and buy myself anything new until I had paid it. My sponsor told my family that if I was to be space sober, that I could not be a parasite, and that I had to go to wood. And the word wood grated on my ears. And I asked them to spell it. Do you know what that man did? My brother got me a job with the state, and Walt said I couldn't take it. And I said, why? He said, we're taxpayers. spares. He went and got me a job two months after I'd been sober. I was awfully sick those two months. Got me a jobs clicking in a cat's drug company on a terracotta floor. Now, I had been company manager. I had worked for my family and had titles. You know, I never really worked, to be honest. And I had to get up that same time I went to bed at night to go to work to that job and I told Walt I hated it and he said you pretend you like it just pretend you act like you like Alabama I said but they're just paying me 76 cents a night for Walt he said you ought to pay them to teach you how to work so help me God he told me I had to stay there two years because my recommendation would be no good and family recommendations were not any good and he doubted seriously if I could get that man to recommend me I called her son of a bitch. And I worked there the two years. In seven months sobriety and five months of working there, I was made manager buyer for my department. And at the end of the two year, I told them I was going to resign. I told my boss. And he asked me would I go to headquarters of Cat's Drug Company. They were big chain at that time. I think just two stores. They asked me what it was I didn't like about it. Would I like to go to another store. Would I like another department to run? What was it? Would I like more salary? They could fix that." And they told me they were grooming me to be head buyer for all of those stores, for the phonograph record department, small machines and so forth. And I said, I want to move to California but I thank you and you don't have a store in California. Thank you anyhow. I appreciate your trust. They begged me to come there. They offered me more money until the girl got married and was go leave than any woman had ever made in the store that I worked in. Now folks, the reason I tell you that is that I'd never had to earn my own living. It gave me some dignity to know that I could and that I could pay my bills and that i had, you know, I've just been so grateful. I've even managed men's hunting lodges. You know, and they asked me what my experience was and I said I lived in hotels a good part of my life. I know what people like. And they told me I made the most money they had ever made and that they had the most compliments they ever had. Folks, the reason I tell you these things is that if you are an alcoholic and you don't believe that you can do anything just get out there and W-O-R-K You know, W-RK And what I do today I would do for free if I didn't like to eat. And I am so grateful to God that I have a sponsor that loved me enough. Oh, I asked Dr. Mason and why I lived and other women didn't live. And he said, honey, you came from good, strong stock. And he says, you were fed right as a child. And he say, you love God. You love God, but you just can't quit trusting him. And he sad, those are the things that carried you through. Those are the thing that carried your through. So I thank God. I thank Walt. I thank Dr. Nathan. I think, oh, and I think all of the men that loved me enough to tell me the truth. We had no women to sponsor me then. And one day I went down to the clubhouse with all of this training I've had and, you know, mostly getting some humility. I went downstairs to the house and I said, I went back down to my house and by this time we had fixed up a room where I got sober. over. You know, to keep girls there when they came in and detoxify them. And these boys waited for me every night to talk to me and tell me what went on at the meetings when I had missed them when I was working. I went before, I was told to come before. I went to work on my lunch hour and go out with somebody sober to eat at night. And I went down there wearing a halo. Have you ever seen an alcoholic wear a halo? Well, Well, they blind you when they fall down like this. And they tarnish very readily. I think that's from the residue of the alcohol. And that was the position I was in the night I went down. And the boys said, sit down, let's go over your day, and then we'll go out and feed you. And I said, oh boys, I must go up and see the poor sick woman upstairs. I came down, and the halo dropped. Just dropped. up. And I said to them, oh, I am so glad. Remember they saw me when and known me two years, nearly. I said, I'm so glad I didn't go to the leaps. They'd known me a year. The poor girl upstairs went too. I was just so happy. And Dick Awano said, Alabama, what's she done you ain't done? And I think she told every one of us the day at noon she was the prostitute, and I just whispered the word. And Dick looked at me with those Al-Anon like eyes. And he said, Alabama, don't you know the only difference in you and the woman upstairs is that you didn't know you could sell it, and besides, you didn' t need the money. So folks, as I trace this happy road of destiny, I just have to remember how stupid for that, Rob. Thank you.