Honesty Is the Most Spiritual Thing an Alcoholic Can Do — Step 5 With Jim C. – Mary Jo B.

My name is Mary, I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting at the NABBA Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story. This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on aabloochipspeakers.org desperately in need will hear our speaker. And we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that we will be able to hear our speaker. That any of us shall be persuaded to say, Yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing. Now I get to introduce the speaker. And I am just honored to be able to introduce Mary Jo to you all. In the phase of my home group, it was always here at NABBA, and I ended up, just due to some issues that happened, I had to go to some meetings in Gwinnett County. And I thought, I'm never going to find any women that I just, you know, walk with me and know well and all that. I walked into a meeting and I, there she was. And I heard her speaking and I said, I want what she has. I want what she has. She's in, she's here and she is in Gwinnett County and wow. And I make it a point, if I can, to go to the meetings that I know that she's chairing or leading. And we have become dear friends. And I am just so honored that you would do this. And so I just give. Thank you to this great, wonderful lady that I have met, Mary Jo. I'm thinking the same thing you are. I should quit while I'm ahead. My name is Mary Jo, and trust me, I am an alcoholic. And what a privilege it is to be here tonight. What a privilege it always is to be in an AA meeting. I've been sober long enough that when I have the opportunity to share my story, it gets to be an emotional thing because in coming to the meeting, I've been thinking about it for the last, okay, so I've been rehearsing the last few days. Just seriously, just thinking about it. And it always takes me back through the journey that I've had in my sobriety and what my life was like before I came to AA and how blessed it is from being here in the program. And my sobriety date is March the 4th, 1974. And I tell you that because I think one of the most important things for us in our journey is to have a sobriety date. If you don't have one, my experience is and my observation is, the odds are on, that you're probably going to go back out and experiment some more. I think it's part of our commitment to our sobriety to establish this is the first day that I stayed sober the whole day. Now, interestingly enough, my very first AA meeting was here at NABBA. And, yep, and this was obviously many, many years ago. And I'm probably going to jump around a little bit. But the building was very different back then. To digress just a little bit, my roommate, one of my roommate's sisters had been visiting us. This was in March. And I didn't know or didn't understand before she came that she was in AA. And I also didn't understand that. They were going to have like a little mini intervention on me. You know what I mean? But the day before, I came to my very first AA meeting. I recall this as being on a Sunday, but I think Monday was my first sober day. She, the lady started sharing her experience, strength, and hope and talking about what she had been like when she was drinking and what it had been like for her when she came to her first AA meeting and that she had now been sober about 10 years. And this woman was. This woman was incredible to me, to this young kid. I was 23 years old at the time. And she had gorgeous hair. And at the time, I can't, I don't know about you, but at the time in my drinking career, I had roots. I didn't really have like well-groomed hair. I just, you know, I didn't take care of myself very much. And that was one of the identifiers. And she had gorgeous hands. And she actually took care of her nails. And her hands weren't covered with silk. And I would get cigarette burns like mine were from drinking. Because back then I smoked. And I would get really drunk. And I would lean over and catch one of my hands. And the flint from the cigarette would hit my skin. And I'd be so drunk I never felt it. You know what I mean? And somebody that I was drinking with would invariably say, Mary Jo, your hand is on fire. And I'm like, okay, you know, you're just out there. Or at least I was when I was drinking. And so I had hands. And I still have scars from it, from the drinking adventures. And her hands didn't shake. And by this time in my life, young though I was, you know, after a good drunk, I would vibrate for two or three days. But my hands permanently seemed to shake. Because I just was always had some kind of alcohol or something in my system. And was either in a place of withdrawal or, you know, or going back into drinking. And it seemed like it was only the drinking that would help me ease the shake. So here was this incredible lady. And she was, as it would happen, a Vogue model. And being the little egotistical thing that I was, I thought, well, if this Vogue model can be an AA, I guess I could give it a whirl too. You know, I mean, that's just how I thought. Because in my alcoholism, I still didn't see me as I was. You know, which was a very sick. Young girl and suffering pretty badly from the disease of alcoholism. So I said to her, do you think, because she was from New York. And New York is a big city. I would think they would have resources up there. But Atlanta at the time was a relatively small place. Buckhead was the outskirts. Gwinnett County was way out there. And so, you know, our city has grown a lot since then. But anyway, so I asked her if she thought they would have this AA thing here in Atlanta. And I'm sure it was all she could do not to laugh at me. But she said, well, probably. And I said, well, how would I ever find out? Because I had never heard of AA before. It wasn't like it is now where there was a proliferation of, you know, ads on TV and, you know, just wherever you go, it seems like there's public service announcements about some form of alcoholism. And anyway, and she said, well, we might check the phone directory. Because back in the day, they had, like, the paper phone. And so, as it would happen, NAVA was directly, I lived in the Bordeaux apartments directly across the street. So there was, like, no way I was going to get out of coming to a meeting. And we called. And the very next night, they had a meeting. And bless her heart, I have been more and more grateful for this as the days have gone on. My roommate, whose sister this was who had told me about AA, volunteered to come with me to my first AA meeting. Now, here's this. She's a 23-year-old kid. I am sure she had a lot of other things she would rather have been doing and a lot of other places she would rather have been than in an AA meeting with this goofball that's her roommate. But she came with me and came to my very first AA meeting. And this entire part of the, and Gary can correct me after the meeting. Anyway, my recollection is this whole part of the building had not been built yet. It stopped where the brick wall is. And the room on this side toward the back was kind of a long, thin room. You see, it's incredible. You remember these things like they were, like it was yesterday. It was that profound to me. And when I got there, the meeting was on, it was a beginner's meeting. They had broken up the 12 steps into four different parts. And the little pamphlet that they used, we don't use in meetings anymore, but anyway, it had, the particular Tuesday that I came was on all the steps that had the word God in it. And the minute I heard that, I shut down. And I thought, you know, this thing is never going to work for me. I'm a bad person. I already know that. I've already given the God thing a try. And I already know that it's never going to work for me. And so for whatever reason, I had the single, the only moment of clarity I have had in 68 years. And it was. At that time, in that meeting. And I thought, you know, you don't have to make every decision right this minute. Why don't you just listen to what these people have to say? You can work all this out later. And so that's what I did. And after the meeting, and I can still remember many of the people that were in the meeting that night, everybody came up to me afterwards and spoke to me. And I don't know about where you were when you were coming to your first AA meeting, but the people around me weren't really excited to see me. And when I showed up, you know what I mean? My family was like, please, please take anything. Get rid of her. You know what I mean? And my friends were the same because all I did when I went out with them was to get drunk and act badly and do things with people like their boyfriends that I wasn't supposed to be doing. So I wasn't exactly popular. And the only good news was that I hadn't done that to either one of my sisters yet. You know what I mean? I had no. When I was drunk, I honestly. I didn't know what I was doing or anything. And that's not an excuse. That's just a fact. So anyway, so they all came up to me after the meeting and, you know, welcomed me. And, of course, I think it's because I'm cute and precious and 23. I didn't know we do that to everybody who comes to their first AA meeting. You know what I mean? So I'm telling you kind of what I was like. And anyway, and they invited me back the next night. And again, I thought, you see, it's because I'm special. You know? They love me. And he's special and different. And anyway, so I was. But it did the trick for me. And I was very happy. And the next night I came. And there was a small room right in front of this room. And I don't think there were probably 20 people there. But the person who was doing the discussion looked around the room. And I'm sure he spotted me over, you know, because with the hair and all the rest. But I'm sure I looked like a live one to them. And anyway, and he said, is there anybody who's here for their first AA meeting? Or their first few meetings? And so I was like, again, I'm so cute and special. They know I'm here. This is great. And I raised my hand. I said, I am. And anyway, and so they did the meeting on all the things that had helped them stay sober that day. And you see, whatever, however way I took it, it doesn't matter because it kept me coming back. You know what I mean? And somewhere down the road, I figured out that we do this for everybody. You know what I mean? And that. That's so special or unique. But it got me to come back. And so NAVA clearly has a really special, special place in my heart. I went to a lot of women's meetings here for years. And anyway, it's just it's kind of a home base when I'm feeling myself kind of being out there. I'll circle around and come back to a meeting at NAVA, although I don't get over here as regularly as I used to. It still has a serious place in my heart. Anyway, and the other two things I wanted to comment on that were real important to me getting sober was having a sponsor. And when I was first getting sober, I picked out somebody that I thought would be really easy to talk to. And she was. And two days after I asked her to be my sponsor, she got a boyfriend. And I never saw her again. And I started to get really hurt feelings about it. You know what I mean? Like this thing is just not working out for me. I think I'll go. Drink for a while. And anyway, and so I mentioned that to a couple of friends that I had met in the program. And they said, no, no, no, no. That means you just get another sponsor. So I did. And in the end, you know, I got a really good and I am one who believes in the women with the women and the men with the men. I hope that goes without saying. But anyway, and so I got you have to understand where I was coming along in my sobriety. In the beginning, what when they say I want what you have, what I wanted was a husband. You know what I'm just telling you. So I kind of wanted the sobriety thing, but I kind of wanted the husband in the house. And, you know, that's what I saw in in the person that I asked to be my sponsor. And she was my sponsor for many, many years and helped me grow up a little bit and get some realistic ideas and go through at least one husband under her auspices. But anyway. I came to realize that there's a whole lot more to staying sober than, you know, finding a boyfriend or a husband. And it may work for other people, but I ended up having to really dig in and work on the steps. And then, of course, the other one is a home group. I think we have the opportunity here to avail ourselves of all kinds of tools and support and people and resources that can help us with almost anything that comes our way in our journey. And I've been. A part of and had the privilege of being a part of many, many, not many, many. I'm saying it wrong of some really good home groups because there I have. I've had a chance to participate, you know, as either the chairman like I've lost him in the room. But anyway, like what they're doing here tonight, you know, or to speak or to do a discussion or make coffee for a month or. Be the secretary or the GSR. There's just all kinds of things that we can do as we grow in our sobriety to help out in our home group. And they all help. You know, I'll be sitting there thinking, I don't know, I'm never going to get the sobriety thing. And then I'll work on a fourth step or I'll go chair a couple of meetings or do something to get out of myself. And all of a sudden I look back and I go, wait, I've been sober this whole time. You know what I mean? And that's kind of how it works. We get busy and we do the things that are suggested to us to do. And we look back. And by God, we've got some time built up. So anyway, I know I'm going to run out of time. Where's my chairman person? So I'm going to I'm going to just kind of cut to the chase here because I haven't really gone through a lot on the drinking end of it. But in summary on that, because I want to talk a little bit about the steps, which I almost never get a chance to really do. I came out to shoot an alcoholic, you know, no matter what has come. I'm on my way in the almost 45 years I have been here. I have never, ever, ever been able to get away from that essential truth that when I drink, I drink differently than anybody else I know. I it does different things to me physically than it did to almost anybody else I know. I always was a blackout drinker. And the only thing that happened to me over the course of the years that I drank is that the blackouts got longer. It got to take less and less time. I had to get drunk because I had so much liquor in my body that I would have a few drinks and immediately get drunk again. And then I'd be right back, you know, at the races and I'd have another blackout for a couple of days and I'd wake up and I'd be covered in bruises and people would be mad at me. And I didn't hadn't been to the time I was in school. I hadn't been to classes. I had quit jobs. I mean, it just it was like a circular thing for me. When I came to A. And I heard y'all share about your drinking. I thought, oh, my God, these are the smartest people I have ever met because they would say these really profound things like one drink is too many and a thousand aren't enough. I was like, oh, my God, that's me. I was the girl at the fraternity party who was there after everybody had left, who was going around table by table, emptying the they used to come in those clear glasses, you know what I mean? And you'd fill them up at the keg. And then people after they, you know, they were half-assed drinkers. They weren't even any good at it. They'd leave half of it in the, you know, in the in the cup. And then they'd use the liquor. I can't even imagine the beer, for God's sakes, to put out the cigarettes. You know, it would break my heart. But I was the one going around. And if I wasn't in a blackout, I'd pull the cigarettes out of the cup and then drink it. You know what I mean? And if I was really drunk, I didn't care if there was a cigarette in it or not. I just drank what was there, you know? I can remember being at a party. We ran out of everything. And then we hunkered down and got into the vanilla extract. I mean, there's just, that's what I remember about my drinking was just the horrors of it and the horror of having to wake up the next day. I lived in a sorority house and tried to figure out what I had done the night before. Because I promise you, as intimidating as your situation may have been, it is really intimidating to go downstairs for breakfast with 65 other girls and not have a clue what you had done the night before or who you did it to or with or anything else. And I promise you, it's, I don't know if this is a bad thing. It's tiny pucker time. You know, is that a bad, is that profanity? Anyway, it's bad. That's all I know to tell you. It's not a good combination to go downstairs. And try to explain what had gone on the night before and why one more time I was drunk. Because I would try to make promises that I wasn't going to drink like this again. But I always did. Now, the problem in that situation was that I had caretakers. Because they always made sure that I got to the party. They always made sure that I got home. And I can remember we went to, what do you call them, baseball games in Detroit. I went to Michigan State. And I know you've heard of Michigan State. You've seen it where they pass the person on their hands. That was me being passed. And I would come back the next day and I had bruises everywhere. And I didn't know that they had done this passing you down the bleachers thing. And that, anyway, so it's, anyway, I was a bad to drink. And there was no end in sight to it. Because I couldn't, of myself, I couldn't stop. Everything I did was built around when was I going to be able to drink again. And. Anyway, so when I came to Atlanta, it was a big dose of reality because I lost my caretakers. And all of a sudden, I find myself at bars and other places and have no way to get home. And I couldn't drive because I didn't have my car. I came with friends and they all left me there. And I'm not, I'm not picking on anybody. I'm just saying it was a real reality check. And I think that's what put me in the right frame of mind to hear the message when Kathy B. came through. And I think that's what put my life on that particular day in March of 1974 and gave me the impetus to go to my very first AA meeting here at NABBA. When I came here, the other thing that you guys said that I thought was so very profound that I never, I've heard people say, well, I tried to quit. I didn't drink for two weeks. My spouse was mad at me, so I didn't drink for blah, blah. That never, ever crossed my mind. And so when I came here. And I heard. I heard people talk about if you don't drink, you won't get drunk. I was like, man, you're kidding me. I never thought of that. I tried everything but that. It never crossed my mind if I don't drink. It kind of made sense. You know, I was like, okay, I kind of get that. Anyway, so I was a mess and I was bad to drink and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, there's nothing. What's wonderful on the one hand is that there's nothing unique or different. I'm a garden variety alcoholic. And that's what I have come to understand through all my years of sobriety. I've never heard an alcoholic share that I didn't relate, man or woman. In some capacity, if they're alcoholic, I relate to their story. I get it. You know what I mean? I've been there. I understand all of it. That doesn't mean that I'm going to stand by while you play Russian roulette with your life. And to me, people who don't take their sobriety seriously and don't hunker in and work on the steps show up at meetings. Because they're out of town. You know, I think we're playing Russian roulette. We have a lot of tools here. I've tried to avail myself of almost all of them. I've needed it all to make sure that I stay sober. It's the old adage about you miss a meeting and you call your friend and you say, well, what did they talk about at the meeting tonight? And they say back to you, well, I don't know what you needed to hear. You know? So it's kind of like that for me and all the tools that we have. I try to. I try to grab hold of all of them, which is not to say I'm not a lazy person sometimes, but that is kind of where I was coming from. I kind of wanted to take a second, a few minutes to go through the steps. I know you're probably going to roll your eyes and go, I've already done all that. Please. I'm into the spiritual giant part. You know what I mean? And good for you. Humor me. I've been here a long time and I'm old and I would appreciate if you would humor me. But anyway, step one for me. Step two for me is the hardest of all the steps because it's the hardest to get to. You know what I mean? I get out there, whether it's with my drinking or with my ego or caught up in my world or whatever, however you want to describe it. And all of a sudden I realize that I'm operating on ego and I'm just go, go, going. And I haven't called my sponsor. And, okay, I've been to my meetings, but I'm not really listening because I'm doing steps or lists in my head. And, in other words, I've totally kind of like ditched what I needed to do. And so, anyway, so to me, to get to be able to see that I'm an alcoholic and that my life is once again unmanageable is the hardest thing for us to get to. From there, it's easy sailing for my money. You know what I mean? I get it. I get where we're going from there. But to catch myself up short and realize that even if my intentions are good, I'm out. They're in ego is a really hard thing to realize. Step two, I just wanted to say, was the hardest one of all for me. Because I came in, I keep saying this, at 23, and I had no point of reference for any kind of sanity. And I'm not being overly pathetic here. I really didn't. I didn't understand honesty. I didn't understand, you know, like if you quit a job, you should have one lined up. My sponsor had to explain that to me. I didn't understand that you shouldn't flirt with other people's boyfriends. I know it's hard to imagine looking at me at 68 and think I ever had those days. But we were all young once, people. You know what I mean? And that's, anyway, so I had to, you know, I had to learn that the way that I lived and related to life was not at all dealing with life on life's terms. I was dealing with life on Mary Jo's terms, which meant nothing. It meant utter chaos and just self-will. People run riot. And so I would just encourage you, if you are in that place, that it took a lot of years for me. Some people come in and they're able to catch hold of all this right away. That wasn't my case. It took me a long time in my sobriety to have the steps really unfold at a gut level. Step three, one of the things that I did when I was, besides the obvious, that, you know, using the prayer and the big, God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness of those I would help. Thy love, thy power, and thy way of life may I do thy will always. Amen. That is my number one go-to prayer. Number one, hands down. I mean, I just, I try to turn back to that frame of mind over and over again. But when I was first getting sober, I used to do this more. We went to, like, conferences and, you know, weekend retreats and that kind of thing. And this one that I went to had, and I'm going to mutilate the story, but I love it, so I'm going to try. Anyway, it was up in Monteagle, Tennessee. And this gentleman named Wesley Parrish, he's passed away now, so I can say his last name, was telling his story. And first of all, he impressed me because at the very beginning of his story, he said, okay, how many people in this room have five years or more? And I'm thinking to myself, good God almighty, who knows? You know what I mean? But anyway, I was under five. And so he said, okay, well, I'm going to change my story then because a lot of you are less than five years. And that was awesome. I couldn't imagine being able to pick and choose what you were going to share when you were terrified telling your story. But anyway, he told this parable about this little boy who was at 90. He was in Niagara Falls, and he was watching this man who had put a string all the way across the falls from one side of it to the other. And the man, I forget what he had put in there, like a little dog or something. And so he would go over Niagara Falls using this wheelbarrow with a little dog in it, and he would walk behind it and take the little dog over and then come all the way back. And even though the little road... would wobble and wave and do all that stuff, the little dog just sat there. And the wheelbarrow was steady as you go. And the little boy thought this was the most incredible thing he had ever seen, and he would jump up and down like he was about to wet his pants. He was so excited to see this thing go over. And so the man looked over to the little boy, and he said, what do you think of that? And he said, oh, my God, that is the most awesome thing I have ever seen in my life. And so the guy went. And he went across the Niagara Falls again and came right back to where the little boy was standing. And he said to the little boy, do you think that I can do this and that this little dog is not going to fall out of the wheelbarrow? And he said, yes, yes, 100%. I know, I know you can do this. This is awesome. It's the most, just craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. So one more time he went over and one more time he came back. And he looked at the little boy. And the little boy is still just standing there squealing and clapping and so excited. And he looks at the little boy, and he said, I tell you what, why don't you get in the wheelbarrow, and I'll take you over with me? And he goes, hell no, not me. And that kind of, to me, is all about the third step. Because in concept, I think, oh, this is really great until it's my turn. And then I, you know what I mean? I'm not really, that isn't quite what I had in mind. Anyway, step four. To me, the biggest miracle of it is us, people like us, being able to be honest with ourselves. I think we take our first stab at it at step one. You know what I mean? Where we're finally admitting that we were powerless over alcohol. And that our lives had become unmanageable. And anyway, so that to me is the most important part, to be able to start identifying inside of ourselves the feelings that go with, you know, all the events and the resentments and the self-centeredness and the fears. That we have, the fear, fear, fear. And in step four and five, one of the people that I met when I came to NAVA was a man named Jim, and he's also passed, Cleveland. And if I had ever met God with skin, it was Jim. Because he was the most, and we've all got somebody like that in our history, in our sobriety. But he was the most unconditionally loving person I have ever met in my life, hands down. And in my life, he was the most loving person I have ever met in my life, hands down. And in my life, he was the most loving person I have ever met in my life, hands down. And in my life, I had never experienced this. Everybody that I knew had expectations of me, you know what I mean? And I never met any of them. And so I think underneath it all, I felt like, among other things, a big failure because I never made the cut, as it were. But he, Jim used to just love everybody unconditionally. And one of the things that he used to say was that the most spiritual thing an alcoholic can do is be honest. And I agree. You know, it's the gut level, honesty with ourselves. There's a line, and Gary can correct me on this afterwards also. I think it's in the big book, but if not, it's in one of our other literatures, and I think we got it from somewhere else. But anyway, deep down inside every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God. And to me, that means that the only person who can get me sober is me. And the only person that can get me sober is me. And the only person that can get you sober is you. And that's really a difficult concept because I'm one of those people that I always want what you have, but I'm not really wanting to work to get it. You know what I mean? I don't want to do anything to go through that. So anyway, so it's meant a lot to me to be able to be honest with myself. Because we all have an inner barometer. Now, our sponsors help keep us on. We don't have a target or, you know, whoever our people are that we trust that we can tell anything to. But I think the answers for our particular lives and for our particular paths are inside of us, you know. And so anyway, so that was really and always has been very profound for me to understand. Step six and seven are state of mind steps to me. I'm either there or I'm not there. And I always encourage people, don't make more of this than what it is. They're right between step five and eight. You know what I mean? We're not trying to become angels here. We're just trying to get sober and to begin to live more reasonable lives and to see the essence of the things that I did when I was drinking that set me up, because of the pain of it, to continue to drink. And so anyway, so step six, let me see. Um, is, no, if I told you that already. Okay, you're, we're on a roll here. I've only got seven minutes left. Okay, um, step eight is probably the easiest step. That's a no-brainer by then. We kind of know where we've been. Not exactly the person that we would want to be in particular relationships that we've had, you know. And it's more than just the jobs I quit. It's more than just the money I stole. It has to do with the. The self-centered behaviors that I did with my family, with my friends. Um, I wish I could tell you that all of that stopped when I got sober, but it didn't. Because Mary Jo without a drink is still Mary Jo. You know what I mean? And I've had to do an awful lot of growing up over the course of my sobriety. And I think it just takes what it takes for us to get there. Um, anyway, um, step ten, I always try to emphasize for myself that what we really have here is a daily reprieve. It's contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. This isn't a thing that I'm trying to do for forever. I'm trying to do it today. And I think that saves my life and keeps my life really simple. I don't try. I don't make decisions. I don't try to get way out there in planning or anything else. I just try to keep it simple and keep it, um, realistic for me. I also don't try to live up to, I've said this earlier, to your expectations. I try to just live with what I know I can do. And, um. On step eleven, I just wanted to say that, um, I have a kind of a frenetic brain. You know what I mean? It go, go, go, go, go sometimes. And so traditional meditation has not always been the best route for me. But I get the benefit of the, um, of the meditation from coming to meetings. For that one hour, for whatever reason, I'm able to clear my mind of everything else except what's going on in the meeting. And I'm able to, um, I'm able to hear you share. And all of a sudden, when I leave, no matter, and I've been to many, many meetings over 45 years, and I thought, what's the point of going? You know what I mean? And then I go, and I, I always, I go through this process. And when I leave, I have a totally different attitude than I did when I came. And I feel like, okay, we can do this. That's the other thing. I haven't done anything by myself since I got here. It's all a we program. And I lean on that concept heavily. And, um, step 12 to me is being able to participate, um, on life's terms in my life. You know what I mean? And, um, yes, part of it is carrying the message to the other alcoholics. Um, but it's also being able to participate with friends and family and in my own community. Um, I love the thing, um, oh, it just went out my head. Anyway, um, I think that's it. Um, so. So, um, about, it was something, anyway, I'm sorry, I lost the thought. It was about, um, the, the 12-step work. Um, it, anyway, I guess you'll have to stay sober regardless. Anyway, um, I love our literature. I cannot say enough for, um, those middle-of-the-night nights. I'm fond of telling people, do not call, I know people say you can call me 24-7. Feel free to, any time of the day or night, call me. If you think it's a good idea. I'm not one of those people. Do not call me at 2 o'clock in the morning to talk about your boyfriend. I'm just saying. You know what I mean? Pick up your big book and read the stories. That's what I did. That's what I related to the most was, um, other men and women and those stories in the back. Um, sharing their experience, strength, and hope with, with us, us readers that we may never meet. And yet, we do because I relate to them. And in spirit, we join. Um, I want to close. I want to close with, um, the very last paragraph of the big book, um, because it really sums up everything. And it always tears me apart when I read it. Um, I guess because I've, I've been hearing it for, um, so long that it has sunk in, you know? And, and I just love it. Um, abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to him until you're fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the fellowship of the spirit. And we will. Surely, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny. May God bless you and keep you until then. Thanks, you guys, so much. That was amazing. Amazing, Mary Jo. Thank you so much. Okay, um, we've asked Tinsley to come up and give the chips tonight. Thank you, Tinsley. Come on. My name is Tinsley. I'm an alcoholic. And I enjoyed your story very much. That thing they do where they pass you above their head. And, uh, concerts and, uh, in ball games, that's called crowd surfing, I'm heard that told. And I'm not that much younger than you, only a couple years, so. Anyway, uh, I don't think I've ever had that done to me, but willing to learn. Um, okay, so here at this meeting we have a chip system to mark our time away from our last drink. If you'd like to try this way of life, one day at a time we offer the white chip. Anybody like to pick up a white chip?