Hitting Bottom Is an Inside Job Not an Outside Circumstance – Mickey B.

We're all here to eat and all of us are here to relax our stomachs, so we're going to draw up some people who are all coming back from California, Mickey Bush.
Hi everybody, my name is Mickey Bush and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm probably an addict too.
Probably.
I've been told that I have to talk slowly.
Because you bloody foreigners don't understand.
Well, I'm going to be speaking tonight about my story and sharing with you that.
But today is...
It's not like a workshop.
It's a workshop on the first three steps.
What?
Steps one, two and three.
So, I'll be talking about the steps and about the program of recovery as outlined in the beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous.
This beautiful book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
I love this book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
And the steps as I try to...
...teach the people that I work with, steps one, two and three, which are the basic foundation of the program.
In the beautiful book, Alcoholics Anonymous, it starts off where it says, and I'll read it to you just so that you don't think I'm making it up or giving an opinion, because I don't give opinions.
I know it's popular for people to say,
everything you hear from me is strictly my own opinion, or I'm just talking for me.
No.
I don't just talk for me.
This is a we program, not a me program.
And so I don't talk just for me.
And if you look at the word me, M-E.
Dig it?
M-E.
Me.
If you then flip it over...
...over.
It becomes...
...we.
You dig that?
This is a we program we got here.
So I'm not going to have the balls to stand up here and tell you my opinion.
I wouldn't do that.
Why would I do that?
This is my experience, strength and hope.
There's nothing in the beautiful book about opinion, strength and hope.
It's experience, strength and hope.
And not only that, but especially this weekend here, we've seen it so much.
Controversial stuff.
When people like me stand up at areas like this and claim that everything you hear from me is strictly my own opinion,
it's very dangerous.
Because a newcomer...
Here's an old...
A lot of people of art like me say that I'm giving you my opinion.
And then the newcomer thinks his opinion counts too.
And it don't.
You know...
You know...
In our beautiful book, Alcoholics Anonymous,
I just...
It says here,
Half measures availed us nothing.
Half measures didn't avail us half or a little.
Half measures availed us nothing.
We stood at the turning point.
We asked his protection and care with complete...
Complete abandon.
Abandon of self.
Here are the steps we took, comma,
which are suggested as a program of recovery.
It's as a program of recovery that's being suggested.
They did, took, worked, whatever you like about the steps,
but they got them in their life.
It says,
If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it.
Well, what is it that we have?
What is it that we have that we suggest you, if you're new, goes to any lengths to get?
That's what it says.
That's what it's about.
That's what you're doing here.
That's why I'm here.
Stay sober.
Carry the message.
Stay sober.
Carry the message.
That's what the primary purpose is.
So that's why I'm here.
Hopefully that's why you're here.
So what is it that we've got that we suggest you go to any lengths to get?
Must be something, mustn't it?
What is it?
Well, here it is, and it's very precious.
And if you're wondering about all this stuff that we...
The stuff that we've been hearing about, the steps, and since the steps, and the steps, and the steps, and the steps,
we just had a little meeting at lunchtime, very precious little meeting,
where we talked about this.
What is it that we've got?
Like us people, that it's no longer a theory, it's a way of life.
Us who have worked the steps, us that have got this program in our life,
us that do this thing on a daily basis,
us that live,
this way.
What is it that we have?
Like the book says,
you can join us on the broad highway.
See?
Well, what is it?
What is it we've got?
Well, no, it's not power.
See, look, on the twelfth step,
it says,
having had a spiritual awakening,
as the result of these steps,
that's what we got, that you ain't got.
See, us that have worked the steps,
have a spiritual awakening,
as the result of the steps.
Now, I see people that have had awakenings,
have miracles in their life,
have breakthroughs,
but they haven't done the steps,
or ain't doing the steps.
Well, I'm glad they got what they got,
but it ain't what we got.
Because what we got is as a result of the steps.
So, if you want what we got,
do the bloody steps.
Because that's where we got it.
So, I don't care about those people
who don't want to work the steps,
or don't agree with working the steps,
or if they haven't got the steps in their life.
I don't care.
I don't care what they want.
I want what you got.
That's what I did when I came here.
I'm glad that I learnt two things
when I first got to Alcoholics Anonymous.
One of the things I learnt was that
you never wanted a bloody thing I had,
and I wanted and needed everything you had.
And the second thing was that I wasn't the same as you.
I wasn't the same as you.
I wasn't...
I wasn't equal to you.
How could I be equal to you?
You didn't want nothing I want.
I had, and I wanted everything you had.
How could I be equal to you?
If I was equal to you,
what I had would have been equal to yours.
And I was dying,
and you were living in the sunlight of the Spirit.
I mean, I wasn't equal to you.
Maybe in God's eyes we were all equal.
Maybe Spirit,
actually we were all equal.
And so I tell the troops in my house,
I tell the guys in my house,
if you think that,
if you think, well, in God's eyes we're all equal,
well, on the way home today,
if you're walking home,
and you see a bush,
and it's burning,
and it's talking to you,
then stand there and listen to it.
But if that don't happen,
then listen to Mickey Bush,
and I'll tell you what this says.
Okay?
The other thing I learned when I got here was that
I couldn't stay clean and sober
just because I wanted to.
I couldn't not drink
because I didn't want to do it anymore.
I couldn't cease
cease and stop drinking and drugging
because I wanted to.
I had to not want to do it
and then do these steps and this work
so that I didn't do
what I already didn't want to do.
I couldn't just not do it.
I had to do these steps and this work
so that I didn't do it.
If I could have just said no,
we'd have a different ball game going here,
wouldn't we?
Just say no.
I don't even know where that comes from.
Just say no.
I will drink and drug no matter what.
No, I won't.
Just say no to a full-blown alcoholic like me.
Just say no.
It's like telling that homeless dude out there on the street,
Hey, homeless dude, just get a house.
If I could get a house, I wouldn't be homeless.
Yeah, and if I could just say no,
I wouldn't be a drunk neither.
So I couldn't just say no.
I couldn't not do this just because I didn't want to.
You know, I didn't want to
and yet I did.
Did any of you do that?
Over and over and over.
I'd say no.
I didn't want to.
I ain't doing that no more.
I ain't going to do that no more.
And I would wake up drunk or come out of a blackout.
Oh, I ain't going to drink no more.
And I'd come out of a blackout and I'd done drugs
and I'd been done cocaine.
I ain't even going to touch that cocaine again.
I don't even like cocaine.
I ain't even a cocaine dude, man.
I ain't never going to do that again.
I'll just finish this last half.
And then 28 last halves later.
So I had an illness.
I had something wrong with me.
Like the book says.
Like when Bill and Bob are doing the third man on the bed
and they say,
you are an alcoholic.
It's in the book, folks.
I'm not making this up.
You know, we say,
you can't tell anybody they're alcoholic.
I don't know where that comes from.
That ain't in the book.
It don't say we don't tell folk they're alcoholic.
It says we'd rather not or we prefer not to.
A totally different thing.
See?
I needed you
because I couldn't self-diagnose this disease.
I know people say that.
I call it lip-flapping party line bullshit.
How could I self-diagnose a disease
that I'm powerless over
and tells me I ain't got it?
How could I do that?
I couldn't do that.
What, am I gonna stand there and argue with it?
I'm an alcoholic.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
Oh, no, I'm not.
No, you're not.
Oh, yes, I am.
How could I self-diagnose a disease
that I'm powerless over
and tells me I ain't got it?
I couldn't do that.
I needed you to help me do that.
I needed you to tell me.
That's what happens when one alcoholic comes together
with another alcoholic for the purpose of recovery.
That's the magic that we have in rooms like this all over the world.
All over the world there's alcoholics doing what we're doing here,
coming together for the purpose of recovery, which is the third factor.
When one alcoholic comes together with another alcoholic for the purpose of recovery.
And that's why if you think that hanging out with alcoholics
or just coming to meetings is going to be enough for you,
you're nuts.
If you think coming into a meeting and putting your butt in a chair
that you're going to get this thing through osmosis,
it ain't going to happen.
You think you're going to put your butt in a chair
and it's going to come up through the hole in your ass,
you're nuts. It ain't going to happen.
See, hanging out with alcoholics ain't what happens.
If that was what was happening,
if that was all there was to it,
we could go down any skid row in any town in any country in the world
and hang out with drunks.
Drunks have always hung out together.
There ain't no big deal about that.
But what we got is for the purpose of recovery.
That's what we got that those folk out there haven't got.
And that those folk out there don't understand.
That's why we come and the magic of one alcoholic relating to another alcoholic,
or the purpose of recovery,
is what we have that they don't have out there.
And you know what? They don't understand.
Those folk out there, they don't understand.
Good, well-meaning people don't understand.
My own mum don't understand.
My own mum loves me dearly.
She lives in North West London.
I go home to see her at least once a year.
I've been four times this year in London, England.
I live in the United States, Los Angeles.
But I go home to see my mum.
I walk in my mum's house, knock on my mum's door.
Mum, I'm 18 years sober.
She says, so is the cat.
She don't give a crap.
She certainly don't give me a pat on the back
for not doing something I shouldn't have done anyway.
Because she don't understand.
She don't laugh like you guys do.
You know?
So we come here to do what we know.
And what our beautiful book says is that
if you be alcoholic of our kind,
alcoholics of our kind.
Now, you may find other alcoholics.
You may even be an alcoholic of another kind.
I don't mind.
I have no truck with anybody's preference or what they is.
But I know I'm an alcoholic of our kind.
Of the kind described in this beautiful book,
Alcoholics Anonymous.
I am an enemy of the disease.
I'm an alcoholic of our kind.
Just described in this beautiful book.
That's what I am.
Now, if you is an alcoholic of our kind,
great, welcome.
If you're not an alcoholic of our kind,
hey, have a party.
I don't care.
Doesn't make any difference to me.
If you got something, teach me.
Show me. Tell me.
Let me learn from you.
I'll give you what we got.
Share with me what you got.
If it's as equal, I'll take it from you too.
If it ain't, have a party.
I'm just glad to be here doing what I'm doing.
Not dying, not dead.
You know, living a way of life that you guys have taught me how to do.
And so I'm an alcoholic of our kind
that want what we have,
which is this.
So I want this.
So I don't mind if there's other people
that want other things.
I really don't mind.
I have no truck with anybody's preference along those lines.
I really don't.
But I want what we have.
And what we have here,
when we talk to people,
when we work with new folk,
if you want what we have,
well, what do we have?
We have a way of living,
a way out that we can absolutely agree to.
We have a way out that we can absolutely agree upon.
The book says so.
We have a way out that we can absolutely agree upon.
And the book even says,
with this attitude you cannot fail.
That's pretty good like guarantee, don't you think?
You would buy an appliance or a car or something
that was absolutely guaranteed.
With this you cannot fail.
Wouldn't you do that?
Well, that's what I want too.
That's what I got here too.
So, what is it?
When a newcomer comes and says like,
well, what should I do?
If you're honest, we say,
we set out on a rigorous course of action
and we work these steps.
Well, that's what we got.
We got a program.
Now, I'm going to break it down,
but I'm going to ask you
to play Stump the Drunk with me.
Let's play Stump the Drunk.
You know, this is a workshop.
So, if you have a question,
raise your hand or come to the microphone
and ask the question.
It's a workshop.
That's the benefits of a workshop
as opposed to a meeting.
It's a workshop where you can ask things
that may be troubling you.
Okay?
So, raise your hand or come here.
We'll have a little break.
Are we going to do about an hour and a half,
something like that?
We'll have a little break.
I don't know what time we started,
but we'll have a little break here.
And I got, what time is it now?
1.30?
So,
all right.
What time did we start?
10 minutes?
All right.
So, we'll have a little,
maybe not, maybe not.
Anyway,
I'll see.
But play Stump the Drunk with me.
Try and stretch me.
Try and give me something back
because I got to get something out of this too.
You can't just suck off me and leech off me.
You got to,
you got to let me get something too.
So, we got to stretch me and help me.
So, play Stump the Drunk with me.
You know,
and if you got a problem,
I'll do my best to answer it.
And if I don't know the answer,
I'll lie and tell you that I do.
But anyway,
so,
now,
first three steps.
Let's get straight to the point
because there's a lot of work to do
if you're alcoholic like me
before you even get to the steps.
There's a whole mass of work to do
before you even get to step one.
In fact,
on page 20 of the beautiful book,
Alcoholics Anonymous,
it says,
if you are an alcoholic
who wants to get over it,
you may already be asking,
what do I have to do?
Well, if we're honest,
we'll tell you what you have to do
is work the steps,
starting with step one.
So, admitting I'm alcoholic
is not step one.
People think it is,
but it's not.
Admitting I'm alcoholic
is not the first step.
You'll hear people say that,
but it's not.
We hear people say,
you do the first step,
you do the first step
as soon as you walk through the door
and raise your hand as an alcoholic.
Don't believe that.
That is not true.
That is not true.
In fact,
nowhere in the first step
does it say,
we admitted we were alcoholic.
So, on page 20,
it says,
if you are an alcoholic,
you have to come from a space
of being an alcoholic
to then ask,
what do I have to do?
So, admitting I'm alcoholic
is not the first step.
Now,
on page 30 of the beautiful book,
Alcoholics Anonymous,
it says,
we learned we had to
fully concede to our innermost self
that we were alcoholic.
This is the first step in recovery.
It's the first step in recovery,
but it's not the first of the 12.
It goes on to say,
the delusion that we are like other people
or presently maybe,
has to be smashed.
So, we had to do it
and it has to be done.
There is nothing suggestive there,
my friends.
All this crap about a suggested only program.
In fact,
that's some more lip-flapping party line bullshit
because nowhere in the program,
Alcoholics Anonymous,
is it only suggested that we do these steps.
Nowhere.
Check it out.
I hope those people cracking that gum,
you know,
I guess will have to parent you or something.
Surely your parents didn't allow you to do that,
did they?
Poor little orphan people cracking gum
in front of people, yeah.
With good manners, you know.
Anyway,
well, it's just,
it's just respect for the program.
Would you do that in front of like your employer
or the court judge or something?
Sit there cracking gum in front of people?
Anyway,
where was I?
What was I saying?
So,
we learned we had to fully concede to our innermost self
that we were alcoholic.
This is the first step in recovery.
Now, there is a total difference
and it says we learned
we had to fully concede to my innermost self
that we were alcoholic.
This is the first step in recovery.
Well, if it's the first step in recovery,
I want to know what it is.
What is it?
I ask folk,
they don't know.
And if it's the first step in recovery,
we learn we had to fully concede to our innermost self
that we were alcoholic.
There is nothing suggestive there.
We had to do it.
So, what is it?
What is it?
What is it about me that makes me alcoholic?
I hear people say they're alcoholic.
I say,
what is it about you that makes you alcoholic?
You know what?
They don't know.
They can say they is,
they can say they is one.
They can say what they do because they're one.
They can talk about the alcoholic addictive behavior,
but they don't know what it is about them
that makes them alcoholic.
Well, that's a crying shame.
How can I fully concede to my innermost self that I am
if I don't even know what it is about me
that makes me what I am?
And you know what?
There's not enough people like me
telling enough people like you
what the real deal is all about.
And to fully concede is totally different
to admit, accept and surrender.
People talk about
admittance, acceptance and surrender
as if it's the deal.
But it ain't the deal, folks.
Admittance, acceptance and surrender isn't the deal.
It sounds like the deal.
People talk about it as if it's the deal,
but it's not the deal.
Admittance, acceptance and surrender is not the deal.
Fully concede to your innermost self
that you are is the deal
and then admit, accept and surrender to that.
But if you're trying to admit, accept and surrender
without having fully conceded to your innermost self
that you are, you're screwed
and it won't work.
What's the difference?
People don't know.
Well, let's go over it, shall we?
In the beautiful book, Alcoholics Anonymous,
on the very first page, page one,
which is Bill's story,
it starts off,
War fever ran high in the New England town
to which us new young officers from Plattsburgh
were assigned.
It goes on to say,
I arrived in England,
I visited Winchester Cathedral,
and it goes on to say at the bottom of the page,
as a veteran of foreign wars,
I returned at last.
Twenty-two and a veteran of foreign wars,
I returned at last.
Bill is talking about the First World War.
The World War, the First World War,
1914-18 World War,
where Kaiser Wilhelm
was going to take over the world
and he was rampaging through Europe
and other places
and he was going to take over the world.
Well, guess what?
He upset them big bad boys in the U.S. of A.
And the big bad boys from the U.S. of A
came over to Europe,
you may remember those Yankee Doodle Dandy
and over here,
the Americans came over to Europe
and kicked the German army's arse,
beat the living hell out of them,
and that German army were defeated.
That German army were defeated,
they admitted that defeat,
they accepted that defeat,
and they surrendered to the American advanced forces.
Saved our bacon, we're glad you did.
Well, guess what?
I was born in the Second World War, 1943.
The Blitz was on in London,
you may see this on your TVs or read about it,
Second World War.
The Blitz was on in London,
the Blitz was on, 1943.
Hitler was bombing the Luftwaffe,
was bombing the crap out of London,
and the Blitz was on there.
And guess what?
They upset the big old bad boys from the U.S. of A again.
And Hitler was going to have a thousand years
of Third Reich, wasn't he?
He was going to take over the world.
But them boys in the U.S. of A weren't going to have that.
They bombed Pearl Harbour.
That was too bad for them, wasn't it?
They came over and kicked Hitler's ass, didn't they?
Saved our bacon again, didn't they?
And you know what?
They defeated that German army.
And that German army were defeated,
and they admitted that defeat,
they accepted that defeat,
and they surrendered.
But guess what?
That wasn't the first time they did that.
In the First World War,
when they were beaten,
and they were defeated,
and that advanced forces of the American army,
defeated the German army,
they were beaten then.
They were defeated then.
They were defeated,
they admitted that defeat,
they accepted that defeat,
and they surrendered.
But did they fully concede?
No.
They admitted that defeat,
they accepted that defeat,
and they surrendered,
but they didn't fully concede.
So guess what?
They came back in 1938
and did it all again.
And when little shitpot Hitler
said,
let's go storming into Poland,
they said, whoop-dee-doo, yeah,
and then we'll go into Czechoslovakia.
Nobody said,
wait a minute,
don't do that.
If we do that,
then big bad boys from the US of A
will come over here
and kick the living tar out of us.
Don't do that.
We did that before,
and it didn't work.
So they did it.
And what happened?
They got the living tar kicked out of them, didn't they?
Sound familiar to what happens here?
Do we admit, accept and surrender,
but fail to fully concede
to our innermost self?
Because I don't know what that is
and nobody's teaching me?
And so I do it,
but then I relapse
and come back and do it again,
and again,
and again,
and again.
Sound familiar?
And then I become a keep-coming-backer.
Instead of a sticker and a stayer,
I literally become
a keep-coming-backer.
And I come here,
I get sober,
I relapse,
I go back out
and I come back.
I get sober,
I relapse and come back.
I get sober,
I relapse and come back.
And so I'm in a vicious circle
going round and round.
And the disease has got me set up
in a pattern of repetition
so that I can't break the cycle
and I'm doomed.
If that's what you want,
have a party.
That ain't what works.
So, what am I going to do?
Fully concede to my innermost self?
I've got to learn how to do this.
I don't already know it.
So what is the first step?
Well, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol,
that our lives had become unmanageable.
Hmm.
What is that?
What does that mean?
I don't know what that means.
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol.
Wow.
Well, if I'm an alcoholic,
I'm powerless over alcohol.
But what does it mean?
What is it about me that makes me alcoholic?
Well, people say I can't control my drinking.
Well, that's true.
If you're alcoholic,
you can't control your drinking.
Well, once I start, I can't stop.
Well, that's true.
Alcoholics who start drinking can't stop.
We've got a phenomenon of craving.
We'll talk about that later.
Well, one's too many and a thousand ain't enough.
Well, we know that about it.
That's knowledge and information.
But what is it about me that makes me alcoholic?
Do I know?
Has anybody ever taught me?
Have I ever asked?
What is it about me that makes me alcoholic?
Not what do I do because I'm alcoholic.
In one of my houses,
I've got two budgerigars or parakeets.
Parakeets.
A blue one and a green one.
We call them Bill and Bob.
That's after our co-founders, Bill and Bob.
And I've trained them to speak.
These parakeets speak.
Parakeets speak in a limey accent, by the way.
They speak.
And you can stand by the cage and they'll go,
I'm an alcoholic.
I'm an addict.
I'm an alcoholic.
I'm an addict.
They're bloody parakeets is what they are.
But they can say they're alcoholic.
Are you a parakeet?
Walking around saying you're alcoholic
and don't even know what it is?
Well, maybe.
But I've got to learn.
I've got to know what it is.
Well, we know about alcoholism.
Carl talked a very good talk today about it.
See, we have a disease called alcoholism.
It's a two-fold disease.
An obsession of the mind, allergy of the body.
But if I'm an alcoholic and I've got a disease called alcoholism,
a two-fold disease, obsession of the mind, allergy of the body,
but what is it about me that makes me the alcoholic?
Well, here it is.
It's a simple thing.
It's as simple as this.
If this occurs for you, you're alcoholic.
If it don't occur for you, you ain't.
And if you ain't alcoholic,
you can't make yourself an alcoholic.
And if you is alcoholic,
you can't dish make you.
You can't stop that.
See, look.
Alcohol changes my perception of reality.
Alcohol changes my perception of reality.
That is an abnormal reaction to alcohol.
Alcoholics like me,
my natural state is to be whacked out of my tree causing somebody some grief.
That is completely normal and natural for me.
When I'm not drunk causing trouble,
I am in an abnormal condition for me.
See?
Alcohol creates an abnormal reaction in me.
I react abnormally to alcohol.
My three sisters and brother don't.
I do.
See, look.
When I drink alcohol,
it changes my perception of reality.
I call it a nerd remover.
Do you know what a nerd is up here in Iceland?
I call it a nerd remover.
It removes the nerdness.
I feel like a nerd.
I drink.
I don't feel like a nerd.
I feel like a nerd.
I drink.
And I don't care if I'm a nerd.
I feel like a nerd.
And I drink.
And you're a bloody nerd.
Screw you.
It changes my perception of reality.
It changes how I think about myself,
how I react.
When I drink alcohol,
referred to the doctor's opinion this morning,
I like the effect produced by alcohol.
It changes my perception of reality.
We got a girl in my home group, Mary.
She's a delicate little dude,
dudette.
And she's just always been taken advantage of and what have you.
But she's a real alcoholic.
She describes it as well as I've ever heard anybody describe alcohol.
She says that when she drinks,
she feels wittier, prettier and tiddier.
She don't feel like a little delicate dudette.
Boom!
She's a star, man.
And I know exactly what she means.
You know?
Like when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous and they told me,
you're an alcoholic.
I went, what do you mean?
He said, if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck
and sounds like a duck and smells like a duck,
it's a bloody duck.
Just because he's been taken advantage of,
just because he's been taking some shit
and thinks he's an eagle,
no, you're a duck.
You're a duck, I'm a duck.
Quack, quack, he said.
But you know, I didn't fully understand,
but I knew what he meant
because alcohol did that.
When I felt like a duck,
I drank and boom!
Became an eagle and went swooping around,
looking for prey.
You know?
Alcohol done for me.
Because I couldn't stand who I was.
And I didn't know this was going on.
I didn't know that this was going.
All the years I was drinking,
I didn't know this.
It wasn't something I was conscious about.
I know you guys seem to know
because I hear you guys sharing about it at meetings.
I hear you guys telling us why you drank.
I hear you guys saying why you drank.
You seem to know.
I never knew.
I never knew why I drank.
I never had a clue why I drank.
We always drank.
We drank if the team won.
We drank if the team lost.
And if it was a tie,
we drank till there was a result.
I don't know why we did that.
We just always did.
But you guys know why you did it.
Because I hear you share.
I hear you say,
well I drank because I couldn't stand the pain.
I drank because I was covering up my feelings.
I drank because I was hiding behind who I was.
And I think at what stage of the game
did you discover that?
I can't even imagine that.
I can't imagine going into a pub
and saying,
oh bartender,
hit me with a triple shot of your best booze
because I can't stand who I am
and I want to cover up the pain tonight.
It never happened.
Oh Mr. Dealer Man,
can I have an extra rock
because I really feel inadequate.
Never happened.
I didn't know this,
but that was what was happening.
And do you know what?
That's what made me alcoholic.
So now I know what it is about me
that makes me alcoholic.
I have an abnormal reaction.
It changes my perception of reality.
I like the effect produced by alcohol.
Well that's what it does for me.
But it can't do that for me
unless it's doing something to me.
And what it's doing to me
is taking me up to and over
what we call an invisible line.
And when we cross over the invisible line,
now the rules change.
See,
prior to crossing over the invisible line,
I'm drinking like the doctor says
because I like the effect produced by alcohol.
I'm drinking because I'm obsessed about it,
I like it,
I do it,
and so I keep on doing it.
But guess what?
Alcohol,
I like the effect produced by alcohol,
but then it seems to stop working.
Why?
Because I've gone up to and over
what we call the invisible line.
Now you see,
you can't go over the invisible line
unless you're alcoholic,
and unless you're alcoholic
you can't go over the invisible line.
Now that's weird, ain't it?
You don't go over the invisible line
unless you're alcoholic,
and you can't go over the invisible line
unless you're alcoholic.
Now, that's weird, huh?
But it's also true.
Now when I go over the invisible line,
now the rules have changed.
Now, when I cross over the invisible line
into two fold,
a prior to crossing over the invisible line
and I'm drinking because I like the effect of the juice
and I'm obsessed by doing it.
Once I cross over the invisible line,
now I've got what we call a phenomenon of craving,
an allergic reaction.
I have an abnormal reaction to alcohol.
I have now crossed over the invisible line into alcoholism
so that it's now twofold.
I've got an obsession in the mind and a phenomenon of craving.
What is a phenomenon of craving?
A phenomenon of craving.
A phenomenon of craving is a feeling beyond my mental control.
That's the definition of a phenomenon of craving.
I've got an obsession of the mind to do it
and once I do it, I can't stop doing it
because of the phenomenon of craving.
An obsession is a thought to the exclusion of all else,
including recovery,
which is a totally different obsession to normal obsessive things
like relationships and other things.
The obsession for the alcoholic, where alcohol is concerned,
is to the exclusion of all else,
including his safety, his liberty, his children,
whatever else is in his life.
When the obsession strikes him,
when he gets sucked in by the obsession,
the obsession takes away his ability to say no
so that then he has to say yes
so that when he does say yes,
he thinks he chose to or wanted to
and he didn't.
Now that's something of the stuff that we've got to learn to understand.
I've got an obsession of the mind to do it
and once...
Once I do it, the phenomenon of craving
won't allow me to not do it.
So the obsession sucks me in,
takes away my ability to say no
so that then I have to drink.
Once I drink, the phenomenon of craving kicks in
so that I have to continue to drink.
So I've got a body that mustn't do it
and a mind that won't let me not do it.
Can you dig that?
So I can't stop from doing it
and once I'm doing it, I can't stop doing it.
Does anybody remember this?
Yeah, no shit.
Yeah.
Two-fold disease.
Okay, so what am I going to do?
What am I going to do?
It's stopped working.
What do you mean it's stopped working?
I still get drunk,
I shoot up dope and I still nod off or whatever.
It's still working.
That's not what we're talking about.
We're not talking about the effect the alcohol and drug has on you.
We're talking about how it works for the alcoholic,
the abnormal reaction.
We like the abnormal reaction
because it takes me,
it changes my perception of reality.
When I feel like a duck,
I drink and turn into an eagle.
Okay, you'll notice.
Hold on.
When I turn into an eagle,
all of a sudden, I've liked that
and so now the alcohol is no longer working for me.
Now I'm drinking and I'm staying a duck.
Now I'm getting drunk and falling in the gutter
and getting sores and ending up in detox
and I'm not becoming an eagle anymore.
And I can't stop doing it.
That's what we mean by stopping doing it
because now I've become alcoholic
and now I'm not drinking
because I like the effect produced by it.
I'm drinking to satisfy a craving
beyond my mental control.
The rules have changed.
Oh my God.
You're looking very blank.
Is this new to you?
Yes, question.
Question.
Yeah.
It's actually in direct relation to this.
You said what makes you alcoholic,
alcoholic of the kind the book talks about,
you say it changes the perception of reality,
the duck and the eagle.
Right.
Then you talk about crossing the visible line,
which would then be what you said,
the duck stays a duck.
Right.
All right.
Well, if you've never developed to the stage,
to that stage where the duck is a duck,
where there's this terrible, terrible feeling
that it doesn't work,
are you then an alcoholic?
No.
What happens, look,
the alcoholic is the one,
as I said,
I tried to explain to you,
you can't become alcoholic if you're not alcoholic
and if you ain't alcoholic,
you can't become alcoholic.
It's a really strange type of double indemnity there
because normal people can stop,
given sufficient reason,
they can stop before they go over the invisible line.
People who don't go over the invisible line
don't become,
they don't become alcoholic
because it's twofold.
That's why you can't be born an alcoholic.
I know people say you can and the genes and all that stuff,
but you can't.
See, look,
alcoholism is caused by drinking alcohol.
So if you were born an alcoholic,
where did you do your drinking?
Now, let's say your mother,
like we have crack babies and age babies
and alcoholic babies,
let's say the baby is born as a reflect of the mother.
That's a physical,
but it's not coupled with the mental obsession.
They've never done it.
So it's still only solo
and it has to be dual.
It has to be a twofold disease.
It's not solo.
It has to be two.
Carl talked today about strawberries.
I got a friend of mine who's allergic to abalone.
You know what abalone is?
It's a seafood, a shellfish.
It's like abalone, right?
When he eats abalone,
he's allergic to it.
He breaks out.
He gets a rash.
Now, every once in a great while,
he eats abalone.
It's catch of the day
or done in garlic or something
and he eats it and he feels weird
and he goes,
damn, I knew that was going to happen.
What a dick.
God.
But he don't have to go to abalone anonymous
because although he's got an allergic reaction to abalone,
it's not coupled with a mental obsession
to eat buckets and buckets of abalone.
See, it's not twofold.
It's only solo.
So when you say,
if you don't go over and pass the invisible line,
many people don't.
Many people don't go over the invisible line.
They stop beforehand.
The book talks about the moderate drinker
or the heavy drinker
and then we have the real alcoholic,
the person who wants to stop but can't.
Do you remember this about the book?
Yeah.
And that's what makes me alcoholic.
Once I can't stop doing it,
like on chapter 4, page 44,
it says,
if when you honestly want to,
you find you cannot quit entirely
or if when drinking,
you can't control the amount you consume,
you are probably suffering from a disease
that only spiritual experience will conquer.
See?
Alcoholism.
So now I've got alcoholism.
So what do I have to do about it?
What I've got to do about it
is work the steps to induce an entire psychic change.
See, look,
it's not okay to just stay clean and sober.
That's the base bottom line of this whole deal.
But for an alcoholic who just gets sober,
I tell you what,
he's going to be in a lot of pain
because alcoholism doesn't stop progressing
because we stop drinking.
See, people who just stop drinking
and don't work the steps in the program
become dry.
D-R-Y.
Doing recovery yourself.
Dry.
See?
Alcoholics that just stop,
stop drinking are in a very dangerous mode.
Sober people drink again.
People living in sobriety don't.
That's why, see,
alcoholics must have one of two things.
We must have.
It's not open to debate.
It's not open to a discussion.
It's not my opinion, your opinion,
what you think, what I think.
No.
You can go anywhere and check what I'm about to tell you.
Alcoholics must have one of two things.
We must have,
alcohol or program.
We have to have one of those two things
because it's the only two things
that treat the disease of alcoholism.
And I've got a disease.
I've got an illness.
I've got something wrong with me.
I've got something that needs treating.
I've got something that I've got to recover from.
I can't just stop doing it.
If you break your leg,
you don't say,
well, I just won't walk on it.
You know,
and I've got a broke brain.
So I can't just say I just won't use it.
I can't just say I'm going to stop doing it
because we've got a progressive disease.
The disease doesn't stop progressing
because we stop drinking.
We've got to stop drinking
and then replace the alcohol and drugs
with something else that works.
And the only thing that we've found that works
for the majority of alcoholics
of our kind
is the 12-step spiritual program
of Alcoholics Anonymous.
That's what works for the majority
over the long haul.
Now, we know there's exceptions to the rule,
but we're not talking about the exceptions to the rule.
We're talking about our common welfare
and what works for the majority of us
over the long haul.
And that's the 12-step spiritual program
of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Because we have to find something to replace
that.
That's what alcohol did for me.
Bear in mind, going back,
we like the effect produced by alcohol.
Why do we like the effect produced by alcohol?
Because of all that turmoil
and inside stuff that we couldn't stand,
when we drank, we didn't feel it.
Now, all of a sudden,
alcohol isn't cleaning that up for me.
So I stopped doing the alcohol.
Well, guess what?
All that stuff starts coming back up.
And now I've got nothing to push it back down with.
Like the alcohol and drugs.
And that stuff comes up.
All that turmoil and stuff.
And it comes up and up and up.
Well, before, I used to drink and drug
and posh it down and down and down.
But now it's coming up and up and up
and I ain't got no alcohol to push it down.
And it comes up and up and up
and it gets me and it screws me like that.
And I've got nothing to push it down with
because I'm not drinking.
That's why we need the program of Alcoholics Anonymous
to replace it.
That's why we need the program of Alcoholics Anonymous
to replace for us what alcohol and drug does.
You know?
And if I don't do the program,
well, then I won't get anything to satisfy that
and it will drive me insane
to such a degree that I will drink again
because the pain of the familiar
will become preferable to the pain of the unknown.
Because I can't stand being sober.
Just a fact.
Doesn't matter whether you like it or not.
No one cares whether you like it.
No one cares.
No one cares whether you think it's fair.
No one cares whether you like it.
In Russia, anybody speak Russian?
In Russia, they call it
No one cares.
No one cares how you feel.
We don't care how you feel
compared to what you do.
Compared to what you do,
no one cares how you feel.
We care about how you feel.
We care about what you do,
not how you feel about doing it.
See?
We've got to act better than we feel
if you're an alcoholic.
Now, what is that?
What are we going to do next?
Step one.
Let's go to step one.
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol
that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step one.
I never knew what that meant.
I asked you guys,
what does it mean to be powerless?
Guess what, folks?
You don't know.
I asked a lot today.
Didn't know.
Thought you knew.
Said you knew.
Thought you knew.
Thought you knew.
Thought you knew.
Thought you knew.
Thought you knew.
Didn't know.
Because I asked you,
give it to me.
Give me, explain it to me.
What does it mean to be powerless?
Well, I can't control my drinking.
Uh-uh.
It don't mean control.
If it was about control,
we would have written control.
You see control anywhere in the first step?
Uh-uh.
What does it mean?
I am powerless.
I am powerless over alcohol.
Alcohol.
Not people, places and things.
Not everything that you want to throw,
in the melting pot.
I'm powerless over alcohol.
Now, if I tell you I'm powerless over alcohol,
I have to also admit and recognize
that I'm powerless over it,
but it's not powerless over me.
I'm powerless over it,
but it's not powerless over me.
I can't beat alcohol,
but alcohol can and does beat me.
I can't resist its demands,
and it can make me do,
what I already don't want to do.
Drink it.
See?
So I got to recognize that I'm in a place where,
now, I don't want to do it,
and I can't not do it.
Why?
Because I'm powerless.
Well, holy shit, what does that mean?
Well, think about it.
We have a spiritual malady.
We have a spiritual malady,
which most people think is part of the disease,
but it's not.
Having a spiritual malady,
is not part of this disease.
It's a result of this disease.
A spiritual malady is a result of having a disease called alcoholism.
It's a spiritual solution.
Having a spiritual malady is not part of the disease,
it's a result of having the disease.
And it's a spiritual solution,
not a spiritual problem.
As a result of having this disease,
along the path of life,
there is a spiritual problem.
The disease we got,
has gotten me to abandon God and spirituality,
so that I end up with none.
Powerless.
Whoa, what does that mean?
In the beautiful book on page 55, it says,
deep down in every man, woman and child,
there is a fundamental basic understanding of a power greater than themselves.
Call it whatever you like.
We don't care what you call it.
We have no chuck with anybody's preference along these lines.
You can call it God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Muhammad, or whatever you like.
You can call it God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Muhammad, or whatever you like.
You can call it God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Muhammad, or whatever you like.
It doesn't matter.
Call it bloody Mishiginovich if you like.
It doesn't matter to us.
See, whatever your preference is,
we have no chuck with anybody's preference along these lines.
In fact, in the first two steps,
there's no mention of God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Muhammad.
No mention of higher power.
In the first two steps.
We have all this confusion about the God stuff,
and all the religion stuff,
and all that.
There's no need for it.
But powerless.
Well, what does that mean?
Well, think about it.
I'm powerless over alcohol.
So right there,
I'm describing the fact that
there's a power greater than me.
Alcohol.
I'm powerless over alcohol,
but alcohol isn't powerless over me.
It makes me do what I don't want to do.
When I absolutely don't want to do it,
it makes me do it anyway.
Powerless.
What is the source and what is the power
over everything?
Anybody?
God.
God works for you? Good.
I don't have no problem calling it God.
I like the word God.
God, G-O-D, group of drunks.
God, G-O-D, group of drug addicts.
God, G-O-D, go on dreaming.
Good orderly direction.
Good old dude.
You know, I don't mind.
Whatever you want to call it.
It doesn't make any difference to me.
So, what is the source,
what is the power over everything?
God.
So, if God is the source
and God is the power over everything,
and I'm powerless
over alcohol,
it must mean that I've got no God in my life
when it comes to alcohol.
Can't have, can I?
I can't say
I'm powerless over alcohol
and I've got a God to turn it over to.
That's why you can't turn it over
and let go and let God, like my shirt says.
You can't in the beginning.
Because I've got no God to do that to or with.
See, I'm powerless.
I can't say I'm powerless and I've got a God
because if God is the source and God is the power
then I'm not powerless.
And if I've got God in my life, then I'm not powerless.
And if I am powerless, well it means I've got no God in my life.
I can't have it both ways.
I want it both ways, but I can't have it both ways.
It's like saying that I'm powerless
over it and I'm responsible for it.
You can't be responsible for something
that you're powerless over.
You can't take blame for it and be powerless over it.
See, it just doesn't work that way.
So I'm powerless over it because
it makes me do shit that I don't want to do.
Powerless means that I've got no God
in my life when it comes to alcohol.
When I've got no God in my life
when it comes to alcohol.
See, and I can't have it because
look, I'm an alcoholic.
For me to drink
is bad.
I'm a child of God and for me
to drink is bad.
So God can't be involved in that.
Because God's all good.
There's no bad in God.
God's all good.
God and bad don't coexist.
And me to drink is bad.
So I can't say it's God's will for me
because, you know, it's bad.
And so I can't claim
that that's God's will because
God's not involved in something that's bad.
Powerless.
I have no power and God is the source
and God is the power over my life.
Well guess what?
I'm powerless over alcohol
because the disease I got
along the path of life
since I was raised in a religion
I wasn't always powerless.
I had a God and an understanding
but the disease I got
got me to abandon God and spirituality
and ignore it so that I ended up
with none. Powerless.
Well guess what?
If I'm powerless
the solution
power.
I've got to get some power.
Well guess what?
There's no mention in the program
Alcoholics Anonymous
of hitting bottom.
And you know what?
That's one of the main reasons
that 95% of us
are not making it.
Because we don't truly understand
what hitting bottom is
as we think we do.
See,
hitting bottom
is the process necessary
to bring the power into my life
as far as alcohol is concerned.
It's mentioned in the program
Alcoholics Anonymous.
Check it out.
I spoke to some people this morning
with long, long time sobriety
and they didn't even realize
that hitting bottom wasn't mentioned
in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Strange, isn't it?
Now if we're not,
if hitting bottom is the process
that brings the power in
and I don't even know what it is
no wonder 95% of us are not making it.
Now when I talk about
hitting bottom,
most folks have no idea
what that is.
They think they do
but they actually don't.
I ask folks,
what is your bottom?
Describe it.
Give me your bottom.
You'd be amazed
at what you guys tell me.
Some of the things you guys tell me
about your bottom.
You say things like,
I was broke,
busted, disgusted
and not to be trusted.
I was locked up in a penitentiary
married to Bubba.
You know.
Nothing to do with hitting bottom.
I was in a detox.
I'd been thrown out of my house.
I had no money.
I was separated.
Nothing to do with hitting bottom.
We think it is, but it ain't.
See all that stuff
is outside circumstances
not hitting bottom.
See we say things collectively
in a group.
Everybody's bottom's different.
It better not be different.
Everybody's bottom better be the same.
But we don't realize that
so we say jive arse shit.
See look,
your bottom better have been the same as mine
and mine better have been the same as yours
and yours better have been the same as theirs
and theirs better have been the same as ours.
If we understand what hitting bottom is.
But we don't.
The outside circumstances and conditions
now they may be different for everybody
but hitting bottom
better be the same
if you're alcoholic.
See because look
those outside circumstances
and conditions
sometimes enable us
to become capable
of hitting bottom.
But in and of themselves
they are not the bottom.
No matter how far down you went
no matter how much pain you were in
and no matter how much devastation
you went through
hitting bottom is an inside job
not an outside circumstance.
And most people think
that it's the trials and tribulations
and the pain we go through
and it's not.
See look
sometimes those outside circumstances
and conditions enable us to become
capable of hitting bottom
but in and of themselves
they are not the bottom.
I've got news for you.
In recovery you will hit bottom
after bottom after bottom
and get sicker and sicker and sicker.
And it's not mentioned in the big book
Alcoholics Anonymous.
See look hitting bottom
happened for me on January 15th 1983.
I hope something along this line
happened for you.
Because I'm sure it must have done
though it may not be
a conscious decision.
That happens for a lot of people.
They have done it
to consciously understand it
so it doesn't have the depth and weight
necessary to stop them from doing it again.
See on January 15th 1983
in desperation
and despair
I turned to whatever
not knowing
not understanding
not believing nothing
but in desperation
I went help me
please help me
what is wrong with me
I can't stand it anymore.
Anybody relate to that?
And asked for help.
That's what powerlessness
having been rendered powerless
by this disease
destitute in every department
I screened out
and asked for help.
A.S.K.
Ask Saving Kit
Help H.E.L.P
His Ever Loving Presence
And you know what
it was almost like the old man
seemed to be looking over my shoulder
and he just seemed to say to me
Mick you silly bastard
we've been waiting
for you to ask
now get yourself over to Alcoholics Anonymous
and sent me to you
I asked for help
and he sent me to you
Why?
Because here was the power in the second step
that I needed
to restore me to sanity
having been rendered powerless
and my life was unmanageable
I couldn't do anything
I asked for help
he came into my life
and sent me to you
because here was the power
in the second step
came to believe that a power greater than ourselves
could restore me to sanity
and here it was
here it was right here right now
me plus you was a power greater than me
you plus us
is a power greater than you
together we can do
what I couldn't do alone
I couldn't stay sober
but together we could stay sober
me and God
kept getting drunk
me and God did lots of shit
me and God
robbed banks
in fact that was the only time
I used to talk to God
when I was doing something wrong
I'd be running in a bank with a gun
and I'd say please God let everything go okay
me and God got drunk
me you and God stayed sober
here was the power
one and one
when one alcoholic comes together
with another alcoholic
for the purpose of recovery
God comes in our midst and produces a power
greater than either of us
so it's produced by us
but it's greater than us
and we can absolutely depend upon it
we never wrote that
that was written you can check any scriptures you like
I don't care where you go
in the known world
you can go to the Bible, the Koran, the scriptures
the Old or the New Testament
whatever else you want you will see it is written
when any two are gathered in my name
there I will be in your midst
that's why one and one make three
me plus you
for the purpose of recovery
the old man comes in the middle
produces a power greater than either of us
that we can absolutely
depend upon
I couldn't stay sober in and of myself
you couldn't stay sober in and of yourself
but together we come together
and we can stay clean and sober
every twelve step program
works on that principle
two people of a like kind come together
to do together what they couldn't do apart
here was the power
here it was, right here, right now
to restore me to sanity
now what did that mean
I'm going to tell you very briefly
never mind
what the legal definition is
the insanity that we
talk about in the second step
is repeating
the same behaviour and expecting
a different result
drinking
to repeat the same behaviour
and expecting a different result
is what we call insane
so if repeating the same behaviour
and expecting a different result was insanity
drinking
to be restored
to sanity meant not drinking
so here was the power
to enable me to not have to drink
which was restoring me to sanity
that was the insanity that we were describing here in recovery
not the insanity that they locked me up for in rubber rooms
and chained me down for
and shot me up with drugs
and zapped me on electric machines
and brutalized me
and locked me up in places that bloody cuckoos wouldn't even fly over man
you know
that wasn't the babbling lunatic insanity that we were talking about
the insanity we were talking about in recovery
was repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result
drinking
so to be restored to sanity meant finding a way of not having to drink
and here it was right here right now
I asked for help and he sent me to you
so in the first step in and of myself I was powerless
I asked for help he came into my life and sent me to you
now I have a
spiritual 12 step fellowship
you guys
introduced me to a beautiful book
a book called the big book
Alcoholics Anonymous
big book
B-I-G-B-O-O-K
believing in God beats our old knowledge
in the beautiful book was a program
P-R-O-G-R-A-M
people relying on God
relaying a message
you see it was a 12 steps program
steps
S-T-E-P-S
solution to every problem sober
they said if you don't work the steps you will go crazy
you will go nuts
N-U-T-S
not using the steps
they said you'll need help
remember we deal with alcohol
cunning, baffling, powerful without help
it's too much for us
so get a sponsor
S-P-O-N-S-O-R
sober person offering newcomers suggestions on recovery
that's right
that's what a sponsor was
see
today I have sponsorees
people I sponsor
so let's recap
wait a minute
a little of myself I'm powerless
so I ask for help
he comes into my life and sends me to you
so I've got God in my life
sends me to you
12 steps spiritual fellowship
you guys introduced me to a big book
in the big book is a program
a 12 steps program
a sponsor
sponsorees
I got some
much bloody power over alcohol
I don't know what to do with it for Christ's sake
I said to my sponsor
what shall I do with all this power over alcohol
he said give it away he said
go up there to Iceland
give it to them
they won't bloody want it anyway
so now I was powerless
my first step
if you read the first step
it says we admitted we were powerless
that my life had become unmanageable
unmanageable
not that I am powerless
and it is unmanageable
it's a past tense
because I was but I ain't now
so alright
so in the 12 and 12 it says
we have warped our minds
in such an obsession
by such an obsession for destructive drinking
that only an act of providence can remove it from us
we have warped our minds
well in the first two steps
we unwarp our minds
to be able to think straight
to make a decision
in three
remember the third step
made a decision to turn my will and my life
over to the care of God
as I've understood God
understood is a past tense word
it's a past tense word
because the understanding comes from one and two
see
made a decision to turn my will and my life
over to the care of God
as I've understood God
well in one and two
I've got an understanding
because I'm no longer drunk
and I've unworn
my mind
more has been revealed to me
wow
so I can make a decision
I can't make a straight decision
with a warped mind
I can't build a straight building
with warped timber
I've got to unwarp my mind
but because most people don't do one and two correctly
they stay with a warped mind
and make a decision with a warped mind
that is screwed up
and so consequently
it's only a matter of time
before they relapse
so we have to unwarp our minds
to make a straight decision in three
make a decision to turn my will and my life
over to the care of God
now I made a mistake in three
thinking that it said
turn my life over to God
well the book did say that
but the step didn't
the step said
turn my will and my life over to the care of God
the book said
turn my life over to God
but we don't know how to do that
but we had to work the steps
now
so I turned my life over to God
and guess what
he turned it right back
he said I don't want it
I gave it to you
why are you giving it back to me
went oh
I got a white Jaguar sports car
it's a 12 cylinder white Jaguar sports car
I'm English for Christ's sake
why wouldn't I
I'm in America
I got a white Jaguar sports car
I love my Jaguar sports car
the license plate is a white Jaguar sports car
the license plate on it is
AA12
went oh
I got a white Jaguar sports car
it's a 12 cylinder white Jaguar sports car
I'm English for Christ's sake
why wouldn't I
I'm in America
I got a white
it's an English limey piece of shit
is what it is
and it breaks down
and when it breaks down
I take it back to the mechanic
and put it in the care of the mechanic
for fixing and repair
but I don't give the bugger
my car
it's my car
I have to pay for it and fix it
but I put it in the hands of the mechanic
for fixing and repair
I put it in the care of the mechanic
same as my will and my life
my life to God
where I got it from
put it in his care for fixing and repair
see because I've learnt that
now what is my will and my life
I ask you guys
you guys don't know
you think you do
but you can't tell me what it is
well I gotta know
so that's why we come and do these workshops
my will is my thinking
my life is my actions
but it can't be just today
all we got is today
all we got is today
one day at a time
yeah well what a load of crap that is
you know
I can't live in the now
because I'm carrying around
all this guilt, shame and remorse from yesterday
but I gotta live in the now
but I can't
because I got guilt, shame and remorse from yesterday
and I gotta live in the now
but I can't live in the now
because I got fear, worry and anxiety about tomorrow
whoa
I can't live in the now
because of guilt, shame and remorse from yesterday
and I can't live in the now
because of fear, worry and anxiety about tomorrow
so I gotta turn my will and my life
over to the care of God
as I've understood God
which means
my will is my thinking
my life is my actions
but not just now
it has to be threefold
everything I have done
am doing and will do
past, present and future
so that I can live in the now
my actions are different to what I wish I'd done
my thinking
so I have to turn my past, present and future thinking as well
which is everything I wish I'd done
would like to be doing and hope I'll do
threefold
so that I can live in the now
because I can't live in the now
but I gotta live in the now
N-O-W
because there's no other way
why? because I'm new
N-E-W
nothing else works
you see?
so I gotta learn this stuff
I gotta learn to make a decision
so I'm gonna come here
I'm gonna say to you guys
teach me, show me
help me
show me what to do
help me how to do it
teach me what to do
which is my thinking
and here's my body
tell me, show me, help me what to do
and I will do what you tell me
which is my actions
so my will and my life here
I'm giving it to you
so that I can stay sober
because here is the power
sufficient to enable me to not have to drink and drug today
here it is right now
and there's the first three steps very basically
I couldn't do it myself
I can't do it
he can do it
so let him
that's all it really means
I can't, he can
so let him
and you know what?
if you're new around here
I have absolute faith that it'll work for you
that's because this is what works
here is what we got that works
it works for us all
it don't matter whether you're atheist
whether you're agnostic
whether you're tall
whether you're short
whether you're man
whether you're woman
whether you're black
whether you're white
whether you're ugly
whether you're good looking
you know it don't matter
it works for us all if we do it
because it's a program of action
it works if we do it
it don't matter whether you do it willingly or not
do it unwillingly as far as we're concerned
it matters that you do it
it's a program of action
in the book it says
if you want what we got
well
then these are the steps we took
well it's an action
these are the action steps
because there's nothing to get here
I know people say I don't get it
I'm not getting it
I didn't get anything from that speaker
I'm not getting anything from that meeting
I don't get it
you know why?
because there's nothing to get
there's nothing in the beautiful book about into getting
it's about doing and giving
doing and giving
doing and giving
and as you do it and give it
and do it and give it
it seems to have a residue that sticks to you
and pretty soon you know what happens?
we're celebrating a 30 day, 6 months, 90 days or whatever it is
pretty soon we do it and give it
and we're celebrating a birthday, a celebration
pretty soon we're doing it and giving it
and guess what?
some really sick person
maybe someone as sick as you
comes up to you one day and says
will you be my sponsor?
because lights have gone on
and they suddenly recognise something in you that they want
you came in here helpless and hopeless
and now you're doing it and giving it
it's working in your life
and some other poor sick bugger
you can help the next guy
and that's what the book says
that's what the book says on my favourite page this week
my favourite
anybody read the book by the way?
it's a good idea
it's a good idea
my favourite page this week
it says down at the bottom here
so we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness
outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment
over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past
but why shouldn't we laugh?
we have recovered and have been given the power to help others
1.32
power, power, power
you know the word powerless
is only mentioned once in the programme of Alcoholics Anonymous
once the word powerless is mentioned
and that's in the first step
otherwise powerless isn't mentioned in the programme of Alcoholics Anonymous
the word power is mentioned over and over and over
power, power
we have the power to help the next guy
praying only for knowledge of his will for me
and the power to carry it out
new power has flowed into us
powerless?
why would I walk around here saying I'm powerless for heaven's sake
I don't do that
why would I do that?
when alcoholics in Alcoholics Anonymous walk around saying I'm powerless
powerless over everything
to me it's the disease getting you to deny the power that's in your life
why would you do that?
I don't do that
I make a conscious contact with the power like you taught me to
every single day
every single day
I make a conscious contact like the beautiful book says
see
why would I say I'm powerless
when I got so much power
think about it
I got so much power over alcohol
I don't know what to do with it
now if you think I'm saying
that with all this power
if I take a drink of alcohol
I'll have power over it
you're nuts
I ain't saying that at all
but what I am saying
is that by working these steps and being here with you
I have the power
I have the power
to not have to pick up the drink in the first place
and if I got it
you got it
he didn't give it to me and not you
why would he do that?
he gives it all to us equally
we're all his kids and he gives it all to us equally
but I can't afford to give him the finger
by taking a mind altering chemical
in the beautiful book on page 86
it says
our thought life will be on a much higher plane
for after all God gave us brains to use
well if he gave me a brain to use
he gave me the brain he wants me to have
if he gave me the brain he wants me to have
he gave you the brain he wants you to have
he didn't give me a not you
or you and not me
well if he gave me the brain he wants me to have
I got to have some big balls haven't I
to give him the finger
now I don't know I'm giving him the finger
but what would you call it?
see if he gave me a brain that he wants me to have
and I take a mind altering chemical
altering chemical isn't that like saying well god it's all right look thanks for everything but that
brain you gave me don't think you did a very good job with me i think i could change that i think i
could do a better job myself so i'm going to take a mind altering substance to change and alter that
mind you gave me so you're number one with me what else would you call it can't get any recovery
giving god the finger by taking a mind altering chemical of any kind