Higher Power Removed the Last Person Who Loved Me Unconditionally and That Was the Thing That Saved My Life – Tom M.

About This Speaker Tape

Tom tells his story at a European AA convention, tracing his alcoholism from its roots in a sheltered Irish Catholic childhood in Massachusetts. As a boy, he was the star altar boy — Cardinal Cushing's favorite, riding around in a Lincoln dedicating statues — but at 13 he picked up his first drink and everything changed. He blacked out, threw up, talked to girls, and couldn't wait to do it again. From that day forward, every decision he made revolved around alcohol.

His drinking cost him Catholic school, then college (expelled with a 1.79 GPA, one hundredth of a point short), and landed him in the Vietnam War draft. He served with the 101st Airborne at Phu Bai in 1970 and came home more broken than before. A seven-year relationship ended, and he fled to Nantucket Island, where he built a successful rubbish-hauling business — three trucks, 450 customers — while deteriorating to the point where he couldn't go three hours without a drink. Mornings meant shaking hands trying to open airplane bottles of Jameson in the cab of his truck.

By 1991 he was back living with his mother at 41, cycling through rehabs and detoxes, waking up in four-point restraints, and once nearly jumping off the Mystic River Bridge. He entered the Manchester VA on March 3, 1994, came out two days later, and has not had a drink since. Twenty-six days later his mother died, and he believes the removal of the last person who loved him unconditionally was what finally freed him to stay sober.

From a homeless veterans' shelter in Boston, guided by a counselor named Brenda who walked him through the steps, Tom rebuilt his life — from swinging a sledgehammer in a crack house to becoming an executive assistant and homeowner. He describes recovery as a program of subtraction rather than addition: not asking Higher Power for courage but asking Higher Power to remove fear. He closes by telling newcomers he now lives in the fourth dimension, and that sobriety is his most precious possession.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction by his French sponsee; Tom opens with his love of the word 'hola' and what it means to him
• 4:00 Childhood as the star altar boy in Massachusetts — riding around with Cardinal Cushing in a Lincoln dedicating statues
• 8:00 First drink at 13 — blacked out, threw up, talked to girls, and immediately developed an obsession
• 12:00 Expelled from college with a 1.79 GPA, drafted by Nixon, sent to Vietnam with the 101st Airborne
• 17:00 Returns from Vietnam broken; seven-year relationship with Tina ends; flees to Nantucket with $20 and a 1962 Chevy
• 22:00 Builds rubbish business on Nantucket to 450 customers while deteriorating to drinking every three hours
• 26:00 Shaking hands on airplane bottles of Jameson in his truck at 8 AM; moves back in with mother at 41
• 30:00 Suicidal on the Mystic River Bridge; waking up in four-point restraints; periodic drinking gets worse
• 35:00 Mother's hospitalization, last drink, sobriety date March 5 1994; mother dies 26 days later
• 40:00 Homeless shelter, Brenda the counselor, working the steps, rebuilding — recovery as subtraction not addition; the fourth dimension