Fourth and Fifth Step Kicked My Past into the Past — the Film Festival in My Head Finally Stopped – Don L.

About This Speaker Tape

Don L. shares his story at the West Portland Group, opening with warmth and humor before diving into a raw account of growing up in the rough side of Hollywood, California. His father walked out when he was two, his mother struggled with alcoholism, and he carried a victim story for years — until the AA inventory process showed him there was also love in that home, a hardworking mother, and coaches who cared. He describes the wall between himself and other people, the self-obsession that predated his drinking, and how alcohol was the first thing that ever made him feel connected and at ease in his own skin.

His first drunk at seventeen on Old English 800 at the Hollywood Reservoir was a spiritual experience — he loved his friends, the music sounded better, the world looked beautiful. But by nineteen he was drinking daily, and by twenty-five he knew alcohol was destroying him yet couldn't stop on self-knowledge alone. He describes the daily cycle of hangover mornings, promises not to drink, and the "miracle of three o'clock" when the obsession always won. He pulled a geographic to Boston, lost jobs, and ended up mooching off his sister in Simi Valley, drinking for oblivion while the four horsemen sat on the end of his bed.

After a three-day disappearance with his brother-in-law's car and a humbling encounter with a police canine unit — where he realized the dog had done more with its life than he had — Don played the recovery card to avoid homelessness and stumbled into AA on September 16, 1991. He was assigned a sponsor named Mark, a spiritual zealot who made him quit unemployment, take a humbling laborer job (earning the nickname "the bleeder"), and go to court to clean up warrants. Through these non-negotiable actions he didn't believe in, Don built trust in his sponsor and discovered that mechanical actions produce spiritual results.

Don closes with a powerful story from seven years sober, when he and his wife Eileen brought her estranged, dying father into their home — the same house Don had thought was his "reward" for working the steps. He had nothing but resentment for the man, yet through the simple action of rubbing his back one night, the resentment drained away and compassion replaced it. His sponsor reframed it: that wasn't Don's gift to John — it was John's gift to Don. The message is clear: AA taught him that loving others for the sake of loving them is the real program, not self-improvement, and everything he was wrong about turned out to change his life.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and thanks to West Portland Group, mentions moving from LA Pacific Group to Bellingham, Washington
• 4:00 Growing up in the rough side of Hollywood — two versions of his childhood story and how the inventory process revealed the truth
• 10:00 The wall between himself and others, self-obsession from age six, the electrical outlet story as early insanity
• 15:00 First drunk at seventeen — Old English 800 at Hollywood Reservoir, tumbling down the hillside into a scrub oak with no pain
• 20:00 Drinking progression from fun to necessity — the daily cycle of hangover promises and the miracle of three o'clock
• 28:00 Living at sister's house in Simi Valley, light-switch drinking for oblivion, the four horsemen on the end of the bed
• 33:00 Three-day disappearance with brother-in-law's car, police canine unit encounter, the dog who accomplished more than Don
• 39:00 Assigned sponsor Mark at Simi Valley Alano club — forced to quit unemployment, given laborer job, earned nickname the bleeder
• 48:00 Going to court through sponsored direction, cleaning up warrants, community service at Salvation Army
• 55:00 Bringing Eileen's dying estranged father into their home — rubbing his back until the resentment dissolved, sponsor reframes the gift