Everywhere I Go There I Am and I Take Me With Me — An Old-Timer’s Whole Program in One Line – Brian J.

Hi, my name is Brian and I'm proud of Sober Alcohol. Hey, Brian. I, excuse me, thank you very much. I am an old man and I'm 64 years old. I came in here when many of you were my younger or older brother, sister. I have this stuff written out. And first of all, I want to say thank you and I pray to my creator that what I may say may help somebody here. Thank you. I don't like that speaker. I mean that microphone. So just tone up. I was born to a whole family at one time. April. 9th, 1953. I was always looking for something. What's important on the day I was born? What happened? Well, one thing I did find was the Civil War ended on my birthday in 1864. And Shakespeare was also born. Some people say it wasn't on the same day. So that's the two important things I get to live for. I had to write this up. I don't remember a whole lot before. I don't think I remember anything before, for, for, before, for. But after four, I was told about all the things that had happened to me, such as when I was two years old, I got run over by. I was a big water softener truck. And then after it ran out in the road and the lady across the street was washing her dishes and she ran outside to stop it, I was laying in the street and she said I tried to get up. Little grunt. And, and I, what I was doing was playing with my, my two year older, two years older than my brother and his friend. And this water softener service person came in, backed his truck up. He said, I'm going to get you a drink. I said, I'm going to get you a drink. I said, I'm going to get you a drink. And the, the yard was even with the sides of entry into the truck. And so we get a jump in the truck and I guess he left it running because my brother and his friend were messing around with the gears and I went into the back and they broke something and it started jerking and they jumped out the sides in the yard. I jumped out the back and fell into the tire and it rolled over me. And then. And the rest was history. I was in, I don't know what happened. I guess I broke my, everything in me. And one of the things that, that was scientifically, medically important about it was I was the second bladder sew up job that had ever been successful in this country. I thought that was. I do remember, I was always getting into crap and my brother, he was always instigating stuff and I enjoyed that. And my brother and the kids were sticking their sticks in this bumblebee's nest underneath this porch in the neighbors. And I'm staying over there in the driveway. I'm watching them and all of a sudden, this queen bee comes out and smacks me right in the face. And I go in the house and my mom's laying on the floor and she's watching, she's talking on the telephone and she sees me and she freaks and it was so straight to the hospital and they did what they could do. And then I don't remember anymore, my brother and I were always causing trouble. We get in fights a lot. We're throwing. Plaster at each other one time and he zipped a piece of plaster as I looked around the corner and went right in, right by him, cut my eye open. Well, I mean, he didn't lay it open, but he cut it and I was, got out of school early that day to go get it fixed. And the eye doctor said his machine could not even measure the, the little bit of strand that was still holding it together. Um, but I kept a whole eye and then, um, I had a girlfriend when I was in third grade and, and she was from Scotland and, um, I, uh, I was in, I started, I guess that's when I started stealing stuff because, uh, I took my mom's wedding ring and didn't, didn't tell her about it. Didn't even know it didn't. Anyway, I gave it to my girlfriend. And, uh, and she taught me how to French kiss and we, we sit in her, her backyard after school. I'd walk her home from school in third grade and, uh, if we get in the bushes and we start kissing and, um, that was really neat. So I gave her my mom's wedding ring and, uh, and, uh, didn't tell my mom about it until like I was in my twenties. Yeah. And she says, oh, I said, well, she said, well, I collected insurance on it. It's just, well, there you go. So I wasn't, it was a bad thing anyway. So, um, my brother was a junior scientist. Um, I always called him Dickie. And, um, he would raise, he would raise aunt. He'd have all these aunt farms in the basement. Then he'd get into raising, um, earthworms. And then he'd get into raising salamanders, snakes, spiders. And, um, it was kind of neat because he'd kill them. And then he'd put them in, uh, formaldehyde. And then he'd label them all. And he had all these jars labeled in the basement. That's when the kid, I don't know, I guess he was about eight years old. Um. Um, I was caught, oh, I said, I stole candy from the store. And I got caught down the corner. And I paid for that. It was hard to pay it back. Five cents a week I'd get for my allowance. And, um, I also was getting a cigarette butt out of the street one day. And my mom and her mom were sitting there in the window looking down at me. So I go in the house and then they, they, they first give me a good whippin'. And then, uh, then they made me smoke a pack of cigarettes. And, uh, crying, screaming, all that crap. You know, what a kid would do. But, um, the, um, junior high, I became, I started, I got on a hockey team. Peewee's hockey team when I was a center. And I was, had, it was great. I was doing really good. And then, um, then all of a sudden, my knee went out. My left knee just went out. And I'm walking home from school. And it went out. I didn't know why. And I started crying. And so my mom takes me to the, uh, bone doctor. Up the mountain, up the town, whatever. And, um, and he, um, x-rays it. And says I've got osteochondritis descens, which is a piece of the knee, the, the, the, uh, the kneecap just stops getting nourishment and it falls away from the knee. And so it gets stuck in there and you'll be going along. And it happened to him when he was skiing and it popped his kneecap off, um, the doctor. And he had, so he had the same operation in both of his knees. I didn't have to have an operation, but I was taken out of all sports. And when I was taken out of all sports, everybody, you know, and I didn't have a cast or anything. And, and I didn't have crutches and everybody, um, would give me crap, you know, and they want to pick fights with me and stuff. So I wasn't afraid. And then, uh, the doctor says, well, you aren't, your knees aren't getting any better after a couple of years. And so then he, um, he says, time to get on crutches. So I got put on crutches and then I'm going to put, you know, ninth grade, eighth grade, let me see. I get put on crutches in the middle of. The ninth, you know, the eighth grade. So then, and then for a year and a half, I was on crutches and all the teachers were talking crap about me in the queue with the kids. And it got pretty weird, you know, and so I didn't, I had a lot of joy, I thought, and, um, the, so, so it's not, it's not that I was, um, a puss. It was, uh, I was just being the brunt. And so anyway, so in 10th grade, I was taken, my leg healed and the, um, I threw my crutches on enough times, fought enough people. I guess that's how it fixed it. And then, but so I, so it was healed and I was allowed to go back into track and wrestling and that was it. Well, since then, uh, anyway, that is, that's in the past now. And, um, the, my drug use started when I was 11 years old. I was in the boys, the Boy Scouts. I was in the Cub Scouts and I got kicked out the night of my second class badge at an award ceremony because I, because they complained that I was never there when it was time to do work, time to do jobs. And so. So they kicked me out and, um, then, um, well, so I, uh, became a member of this while I was in YMCA and I got to become, I went to this co-rec, um, they had speakers and this one speaker was, uh, um, was the medical examiner for the city of Madison, Wisconsin. And he brought. To this, to this seminar, the speech that he gave, there's about four tables lined up and they're just covered with, with drugs and, and, um, as I was going by, I knocked one off and went around with everybody a couple of times and then I picked it up and this is not about drugs. It's about alcohol, but, um, if it weren't for all the alcohol. I drank, I probably couldn't have done all the drugs I did. Um, and drugs are part of my story just because they were, and yet drinking was by far the most important thing I had to do. And I, um, so I was always, always, um, I've lived in a lot of places because I always. Carry, you know, everywhere I go, there I am and take me with me. So I didn't, wasn't really interested in finding a cure for any addictions, um, marijuana, liquor. I, um, I had a wonderful time in Boston. I, uh, I was only 14 and I had been going to a prep school in New York that I got a scholarship from. And I went there a bunch of times. And, uh, I, uh. I worked there one year and that was it. And after that one year, my brother was living in Boston and he went to, um, Europe for the summer and left me his apartment. And he had three other roommates, it was like a four bedroom flat and, and, uh, he had four other roommates, three other roommates, but nobody ever bothered me. And I did, I worked at the, um, Baskin Robbins. It was a soda jerk and, uh, and then I panhandled and I made a lot of money panhandling in Harvard Square. And, um, but I always drank and, um, when I went back to public school in Wisconsin, Wisconsin, yeah, the, does it bother everybody if I talk about drugs? Okay, thank you. I, um, when I was living in Boston, Cambridge, Harvard Square, I'd hang out there a lot and, uh, and I'd be drinking all the time. And, and then I found this, this corner of a plastic bag and it had white powder in it. And I, I knew that, I knew this guy who was the president of the, uh, local chapel. Okay. Yeah. He was the director for Hell's Angels. And, uh, and I gave it to him. I said, here, I don't know what to do with this. You, you want it? And he said, yeah, yeah. So he took it. And then in a couple of weeks I saw him at the park and, and he says, I got something for you. And so he gives it to me and it's, it's like a little rock, white rock. And, uh, he says, he says, we fire him up. I said, well, I won't do that. I said, I'll eat it. So I ate it and I drank. I, I, I had these two girlfriends and we had a, we had a gallon of Valley High. And, um, and we drank that whole gallon of Valley High on top of the heroin that I ate. And I had such a wonderful time. We went, we went to, uh, Boston Commons. And this was when Boston had clean water. Uh, in the sixties. And we went to Boston Commons and, and stripped and got naked and went in the, in the, in the, uh, in the, in the, whatever you called it. It's, uh, it's, it's like a, a river. And, um, had a great time. But then when I got out, um, the, the, um, the president of Hell's Angels guy had followed me. And he says, you're coming with me. And he takes me home. And he takes me home with him for three days. And I had never been as sick as, in, ever with the animal. That was, needless to say, that was the last time I did heroin. Um, I'm not a glutton for punishment. Not like that. I, who had the dry heaves for three days. And then when I finally started waking up out of it, the morning of the third day, I just up in this spirit. Never seen him again in my life. He must, maybe that guy was sent from heaven. Um, okay. So then I go to, uh, public school in Madison, Wisconsin. I'm only, what am I now? 17, 16. Um, a month later I turned to Madison public school. Got suspended five times in my senior year. Uh, I wasn't allowed to graduate. Um, I come to California. Got a ride with the, the, um, roadies. From, um, from the, uh, the roadies from, what was that one? I met all these guys everywhere. Um, these were the roadies for Jefferson Airplane. And, and then, um, I lived with my uncle in, uh, Pacific Grove. And I, um, huh. After the second day I got kicked out of his place. Because, because he, uh, he saw me smoke a cigarette on the street a couple doors down. He was driving by. You know, he, he was kind of whatever. And so I, I met people and I always got one of those people. And, and I met these people down the street. And, uh, these, these guys, young guys. And they rented this house. And, and they seemed to be okay. And they had girls coming in and out. Running in and out. And, and I took up a job at Cannery Row in Monterey Bay. And I was a dishwasher. And boy would I drink this, that, uh, Olympia beer every night, every night on my way to work. And on my way back from work. And, um, so that's also where I started, uh, um, getting into Sangria. There's a place called Lums. I think that's what it is. A big chain place in California. And, um, and you go in there and you buy half a carafe. And, and, uh, for a couple of bucks you drink it. Gold gets more or whatever. Um, then, then, um, so I go back to Wisconsin after that summer. And I didn't, couldn't go to the UW. So I went to, I went to the, find out how, how I get into college. And then he told me I had to have a GED first. Or a high school diploma. So I took a GED. And because I did so well I didn't have to take entrance exams. And they let me in. And then I met this girl who's, uh, I became her hostage. And she was 26 and I was 18. And, uh, she was a stewardess for, stewardess moves. And, uh. This is David. Um, she was a flight attendant for some airlines back in those days. And then she took me to New York with her. And we stayed there for a while. And I don't remember what happened to her. Um, so, uh, I dropped out of college. I got in an automobile. This is my irresponsibility, you know. I was really irresponsible. So, I had an automobile accident in the winter. In a gas station. And the front end of my car hooked on the back of this guy's bumper. And nobody's around. And I go forward. And I go backwards. And I go forward. And I go backwards. And I'm smashing both of our cars up. And then the cops pull in. And I get a ticket. And he gets, and he helps me get the car unhooked. And then he's, I'm on my way. But I didn't want to go to court, right? So, I go. I tell my friends. And about four of us decide we're going to make a caravan down to, uh, um, Daytona Beach. In Florida. And from Wisconsin. And when we went down there that night, it was, when we got to Daytona Beach, it was 28 degrees in Daytona Beach. It was cold. And he said, screw this. And so we, we said, let's go to the southernmost tip of Florida. And that was, uh, before you get on the, whatever those things are called, the keys, before you get to the keys. And it was 54 degrees, I think. It was 54 degrees there. And that wasn't very nice either. So we started going up the west coast. And we went to, um, we found this shanty town outside of, um, Fort Myers, Florida. And, uh, the gulf. And we called it Fort Misery. And, uh, Fort Misery was halfway between Sparasota and Nipples. And, and, and so the shanty town was officially named Harlem Heights. And we rented a house there. It was five bucks a week. And there was no windows. And there was, uh, outhouses. And this, this was our house. This, this shanty town was full of workers. I mean, a lot of Mexicans, a lot of whoever. A lot of workers. And, uh, so we lived there for a couple of months. And then I couldn't take it anymore. One of the guys, we moved it. In a drunken state, we were all drunk. And, and we said, oh, we gotta move that damn outhouse. It's getting full. So we dig another hole next to it. And we go to move it. And one of the guys falls in the old hole. And, and, and we all laugh. And it was such, it was fun. And then, then I, and of course, you know, and I'm thinking, well, we gotta take care of the animals. And there's, I find a, uh, an armadillo that's, that's been hit by a car or something. And, and I bring him, I bring him home. And, um, and I just feed him vegetables and stuff. And keep him alive for a couple of weeks. And I don't remember what happened. I think he, I think he died. Um, so, uh, I took a, I took a job in town. In Fort Myers. And, and I started working for a roofing company. And I was a helper. And within, within, it was the first company. Within a couple of weeks, I was the foreman's right man, right hand man. And then, um, and I'd never done roofing before. And, um, and then. And in a month, I was working with one man, um, who, I thought he was old as shit. And I, he was 54. And I was, I was, uh, how old was I? 19? Yeah. And, um, and, and so, everything I know, I learned from him. And I have my own roofing business. And I've operated it for several years. It's like I'm destined to be, to roof your house. You know what I mean? It takes too much work. So, anyway, where was I? That's, um, oh, so then I go to, um, Atlanta. I met my first wife at Alex Cooley's Electric Ballroom. You remember that place? And, um, um, we were married for seven years. Um. The latter of which I drank successfully. And, um, but the thing is, until another woman was to have my child, then we became not friends anymore. And, but we moved. We wanted to, we wanted to stay together. So we moved to, uh, Denver, Colorado. And, and, and we fell apart. And we fell apart in Denver. And then, um, I didn't know what to do. So I took my, my El Camino and, and drove to Los Angeles. And sold it at a gas station for about double what I paid for it. And, and then I lived in Los Angeles for a while. And I moved in with who used to be a high school sweetheart. From Wisconsin. And then, uh, now I had taken her hostage. And then I went back to Atlanta and got my Austin healing. Not Atlanta. Went back to Denver. Got my Austin healing and decided, where can I go? Where can I go? Austin, Austin, Austin. Austin, Texas. Yeah. And so I go to Austin, Texas. And, and there I lost my Austin healing because I was in a wreck with it. Um. Was I in a wreck with it? No, I was in a wreck with my Jeep. But I had the Austin healing and somebody else got it. Um, after my coma, I mean, I was in an accident that put me in a coma for two months. I, um, my, I took another, I sold the hostage I had, Kathy, who I had lived with in Los Angeles. The only refugee I left in, in Denver. Kathy, I moved in with in Los Angeles. Then I took her to Austin, Texas. And we were there. And then, um, I found this other girl. And, uh, her name was Maureen. And she, I was 26, a ripe old man, 26. She was 17. And, and she wanted to be with me. So, we took a trip down to Galveston. And, uh, we came back. Um, I, uh, moved her in. And, uh, she became my hostage for a while. And then, and we were in the accident. Oh, there, that's another whole story. So, we got in this accident and it was on the night of her birthday, her 18th birthday. And I was, um, found, I was still behind the wheel. The Jeep, the top were ripped off. It hit the telephone pole and tore the top of the Jeep off. And it started flipping the Jeep over about, they said, they said five times. And I was still behind the wheel. And I didn't even have a seatbelt on. And, um, my passenger was thrown, she was on crutches for a couple of weeks, uh, gas in her leg. And then I went into a coma. And, um, have I learned any responsibility? Any responsibility by then? No. No. I, uh, I went into a nursing home. The hospital kept me for two months, kept me, and I stayed alive. They couldn't kill me. And then, uh, after two months, they, they said, we gotta do something with him. So, they put me in a nursing home. And I became ward of the state of Texas. And my roommate was 57 years old. And I was 26. And, uh, he was in there at 57 because he had suffered his third stroke. And, um, I didn't know anything at all. Uh, there was a poster board of my pictures on the wall next to me, next to my bed. And my bed was a gigantic baby bed with sides. And, and there were straps. I was strapped, nylon strapped here, here, and over my thighs. All the time. And that's the way I woke up. And they do that because of, uh, comatose victims will hurt themselves when they wake up. And, well, I managed to get out of it. And I managed to jump over the rail like I'm gonna just jump over and land on my feet and run away. And, uh, it didn't work that way. I jumped over the rail and it hit me in the head. And I landed on my head and blood is everywhere. And I, and I, and I get, I'm really pissed off. Right? And I, so I take, I, I pull myself into the bathroom. And I pull up on the sink and I rub the blood all over the mirrors, all over the walls. Everything I could. And, and then, uh, they, and I also tried to leave the hospital. And this is another time, the nursing home. I got in a wheelchair. And I go down the hallway and I kick the door open. And I go down, I go down the escape. And I'm getting down the driveway. I'm going down to the street. And all of a sudden there's all these nurses running behind me. And so I go down the sidewalk about 40, 50 yards down the sidewalk. And all of a sudden there they are. They grab me and I, and I, I stop. I just quit, I cease fighting them. I don't know. Something came over me. I don't know what it was. And I just stopped. And I became very friendly. And they were looking at me. Because they couldn't understand. Because I was such a mean person before that. They, I remember waking up from the coma. And when the nurses came over my bed and looked at me. I grabbed their tits and I'd twist them. And I said, I'm a titty twister. You know, this is, this is a kid, this is a grown man, 26. Well, but, but he wasn't all there. So, even though I was there, I was. So, um, okay. That was, that was my life of recovering just from life, from near death. Um, but then I got kicked out. I went to the rehab hospital in Wisconsin. And I was kicked out of there. Well, I wasn't kicked out of there. I got caught. I didn't get caught until I got back in the hospital. And I was drunk. And I was on medication as well. And they stayed up with me and thought I was in the dark. And then, so they didn't let me out anymore. So, I found alcohol in the hospital. This guy down the hall. It was, his dad was a syndicate owner. And he owned all these big earth moving machines out in, out in the west. In, in Montana and stuff. And they rolled over this kid with one of those humongous trucks. They were as big around as, I mean the, the tires. Have you ever seen those tires that are like 30 feet tall? And they rolled over his, his, uh, Cadillac convertible with him in it. And so, he's paralyzed from the neck down. He was down in the hall from it. And he had a party. And all these guys running around in suits and carrying bottles of Jack Daniels and stuff. You know, covered up, of course. But they gave me a bottle. And I went to drinking it. And then the, uh, I got more crap. Of course, I had to get caught doing everything I did. Why? Because I'm a drunk. Okay. And then, I mean, my life has been an adventure. But, uh, you know, it's the life of Brian. Yeah, right. Then I, I get to, uh, I come back to Georgia again. And, um, I, um, I ran by, I rent a house up in, uh, Norcross. And I rent out the rooms. And I, the rooms I rent out. They're all drug dealers. And, and I'm going, well, I don't know. Just be careful. And, uh, and these guys were counting, like, uh, $80,000 cash on my kitchen table one night. And, uh, and I went, oh, that's neat. And so they started giving me these drugs. And I was going out. I was going out and selling them at the bars on, uh, Peachtree Industrial. Well, of course, I got caught. I was drunk. I had driven a truck down to Florida, dropped it off, and came back and never even slept. And, and then I'm going to drive out to this bar. And when I go by a GM plant on the access road there, um, I did something. And the cop, this, this blue light behind me, or then it was red lights. Behind me. And he, he gets, tries to get me to pull over. I wouldn't pull over. And then, um, then they start coming down the other way, two of them. And, and so they're going to sandwich me. And I, I pull over. And when I pull over, the, the cop says, get out of the car. And I get out of the car. And he swings at me like that. And I was wearing this baseball cap. I mean, not a baseball cap. It was a, it was a Texas cowboy hat, buddy. And, uh, . And when I ducked, he went out on the road. And right then, the other two cops pulled up in these separate cars. They jumped out of their car, and they ran up there, and they got him. And he told them that mess with me. Well, I promptly went to jail, and I had drugs. I had a quarter-pound pot in dime bags, and I had some stuff that they thought was cocaine, but it wasn't. And so there I was, in trouble again. Why? Because I can't keep from drinking. So I jumped bail. A friend of mine puts his business up to let me out of jail. And then I split the state. I go up to Minnesota. And there was some other friends. That I met here in Atlanta from previous years when I was married. And then I'm going to go to AA, right? And I just didn't drink. I'd gone to Biscayne here for about a month, two months. And then I went up there, and it lasted three days. And I had to join my friends in their softball teams, because they'd drink a barrel of beer every time they had a game, a practice. And so I was there. And then I take my friends, I take a job at McDonald's. And my first paycheck, I think, was $18. And that was for a week and a half of work. Because they only let you work a couple hours here and a couple hours there. And then they'd take taxes. And so with that $18, I go, I'm going to buy me a bottle of Jack Daniels. And I drink half of it on the way home. And I had my friend's 15-speed bicycle. And I crashed it up and bent the wheel and everything. And when I got home, he said, you've got to stop drinking. You're going to have to get out of here. And so I did. I go to this group called Friday Friends. And they meet Fridays only. And everybody's telling me, you've got to go to meetings more than once a week. Yeah, right. And so little did I know what I know today. And so then I get wind. I talked to my grandmother, of all people. She was still alive. And she said that the law was looking for me. She said, your mother said the law's looking for her. Where are you? And I said, I'm here in Atlanta. And she says, well, the law called your mother and said you were not to be found. And so I said, really? And she says, yeah. And I go, they better look again. And so I go, oh, shit. And we hang up. And I'd already done the damage to my friend's bike. And I got on the bicycle and drank all that liquor myself. And I swore off the rest. And I didn't drink the other half. And the very next day, I was afraid to get on a plane. Because they were going to want me. They were going to be waiting at the airport. It was bullshit. And so I got a bus ticket and rode a bus back to Atlanta. And I went right straight to my mother. And I went to my friend's house who had put the bunny up for me or his business up for me to go to court on that previous drug charge from a drunken drug or whatever in front of GM. And we went out to dinner. We went to, this is, there's a place, a chicken place in Beaufort Highway. And we went to dinner. And while we were at dinner, I said, I said, Max. He says, do me a favor. And his wife is there. And he says, I don't know. And I said, take me, let's go back to your house and let me get my bag of toiletries and shit. And then carry me up to Chamblee Jail, will you? What? And I said, yeah, please. And so he does. He takes me up to Chamblee Jail. And I go into jail. And I'm there at the window. And I put my bag out of the window. And I said, I'm here. And I'm here to move in. And what do you mean, move in? And I said, you have a warrant for me. The guy looks at me. He says, what's your name? So he goes back and he looks for it. Can't find it. We don't got no warrant. And he looks and he, look around some more. And he couldn't find it. And I said, I swear you got one in there. And so he looks again. And then two guys are looking. And we do have something here. And so they had a warrant from before for a DUI that I never went in on when I was going up Beaufort Highway. And I ran a red light and I was drunk. And I just didn't show up for that from a previous year. And I knew once they got me, I'd get that out of the way. And then they would send me to DeKalb County where I sat for two more months in DeKalb County. And. For the drug charge from the GM plant or the alcohol drugs. And so there I am. And I turned myself in and got kicked out. I got put in three different cells because I kept getting in fights. I don't know what they want to play about. And the funny thing is, I was not the cause. It was always, it was always those guys. And it's just, DeKalb County is funny. They have, they have cells, the smallest cell is like 28 people and in 28 bunks, they put in 35, 36 people on 28 bunks because they put you underneath the bunk. And that's where I stayed for two months, no, for a month until it moved up enough where the people as they got out and I finally got me a bunk. But so, so I got in a few fights. And the last cell I was in, the guys were just normal. They were, they didn't care about nothing. They, you know, they were normal people. They weren't, they were lifers is what they were. They just hadn't gone to Jackson yet. And so, so I finally get a court date and I go for the judge and public defender and the prosecuting attorney. And they say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They, um, you get out on the first offender's act. First time I got caught at, and, um, and, but you get 10 years reporting weekly probation and I said, shit, man, super, that's better than the cells on the outside. I get to go home and I did that for about three months and my probation officer was head of the probation department. Yeah. King was his name. And, um, I come in that one time after about three months and, and I'm there every week and he, and he says, he says, I'm going to sign your papers. You, you just, you don't go, just don't go out of state. You don't have to come back in, in, uh, in 10 years, come back to my office and I'll sign you off and you'll be free to go. But you're free for now. He said, but just don't leave the state. And, and then I came into AA, so I couldn't leave the state. Well, is that it? Yeah. Something like that. And so I drank water. The, um, I guess I better tell you that was in 1980. I came in here in 1982. I stayed in here. Um, I haven't had a drink since January. 8th, 1983, but I didn't quit smoking pot for two more years. So my clean days, 1985 and this year I celebrated 32 clean years and I also turned on my real birthday and I also turned 64 on the same day. So half my life has been clean and sober. Thank you. Thank you.