Everybody Knows the Third Step Prayer but Nobody Reads the Line Right After It – Russell S.

Alright, my name is Russell S.. I'm an alcoholic. I am a member of the Carl Gables Group of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's great to be here with this group. It's great to be here whenever I'm with a group of alcoholics. I just like hanging out with Alkies, and I like hanging out with a lot of people. I was at a Bible study today at 7.30. This is a pretty cramped up day to me, these Thursdays. At 7.30 in the morning for the last 15 years, I've gone to a men's Bible study from 7.30 to 8.30. As a matter of fact, about a year ago, I became in charge of getting the donuts and the bagels. Once you're in charge of something like that, you don't let go of that until you die. It's like AA. Nobody takes it over unless you're dead. They say, where's the bagels? So I have to get up early and get those things for these guys. And then at 12 o'clock, I do this thing over at the steps, over at the... And so I was with a bunch of Alkies, and then we have lunch with a bunch of guys I sponsor. And now I'm over here with you guys, and it's just great. I love being here with you guys. And one of the blessings of being in Alcoholics Anonymous is spiritual fellowship. It's a great blessing. I heard many years prior to this time that the man or woman you'll end up being will depend greatly on the people you hang out with. The next five years will depend greatly on the people you hang out with and the books you read. And what I've learned is the books I read really pretty much depend upon who I hang out with. So I guess who you hang out with is a pretty big deal. I mean, that's what my mother used to say. You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. You show me who you hang out with, and I'll show you what you're going to become and what your real deal is. Because really, who you hang out with determines the conversations you're going to have. And the funny thing is, whatever your conversations are, they sort of follow you around, you know what I mean? Even after you have the conversations in your car throughout the day, what you're conversing, what you're telling yourself, the stuff you're talking to yourself about. So hanging out with people and who you hang out with is a big deal. It says in the big book, if you want what we have and you're willing to go to any length to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps. And one would presume, I think it makes common sense, that if you meet people in here and you want what they have, you're probably going to try to make it your business to somehow get information in front of them or hang out with them. So, you know, that's part of it, who you hang out with. And so I'm really happy to be here. It is a funny thing about alcoholics. I took my wife out to dinner the other night, and this happens to me often. And we went out to a nice restaurant somewhere, and there were about 20 people at the front door and all crowded around and everything. It was just like one drunk, one drunk. You know, he was clearly inebriated and slurring his words. And he didn't know me from Adam. He's with a crowd of people. And I'm just standing with my wife, and he attaches himself to me. I can't tell you how many times he, like, attaches himself to me. He just, he's, like, drawn to me. And he says to my wife, he says, he says, excuse me, excuse me. I don't even say it. He says, he says, you're a, he's a good guy. He's a, slurring his words. He's a good guy. I like him. He's a good guy. And my wife gives me one of these looks saying, like, she's like, she says, how, how do you do this? How is this? It's bad enough that you hang out with him all the time, that I never see you, that I'm an AA widow, that you're always like, how is it we go out? They find you. They seek you out. And I said to her, and I believe this is true, I said, listen, they know. I can't explain it. They know. No matter how drunk they are, no matter how crazy they are, if you're an alky, you just know. You say, I don't know. I like this guy. You know, they sense it. It's like dogs or something, you know, it's that alky gene or whatever those things were given off. You know, they just sort of sense that this guy isn't judging me, you know, this guy isn't, they just sense they're not being judged. It's just maybe the way you look at them, you know, it's just the way you look at them. Everybody's looking at them one way and you're looking at them another way. They just sense that you're not judging them. They just feel comfortable with you. You know, so that's the way it is. So I like hanging out with you guys and it's good to be here. And we're on one of my favorite steps, step seven tonight, and I like step seven. Well, you know, listen, I've been sober, it'll be in January if I make it, it'll be 31 years. And well, thank you. Thank you. I just, I didn't, the way you do that is don't drink and don't die. And just. I've been working on nothing. I've been working on nothing. I've been working on not drinking and not dying for 31 years. And it's been working out for me so far, you know, so that's how you become an old timer, I suppose. So, but, and so I like, I've learned a lot of stuff and, you know, I've learned a lot of stuff in 31 years. I mean, you learn, I mean, when you come in here, you know everything. I mean, you really do know everything, but I mean, you're brilliant right before you get in here. But, but actually after 31 years, you forget. 99% of the stuff, you know, you become real stupid and you've learned a lot through experience, you know, the old line, my sponsor, you say to me, when the man with experience meets the man with money, the man with experience will walk away with the money and the man with the money will walk away with an experience and, you know, we can have all sorts of theories and all sorts of ideas about how life works and how we work and how everything works. But there's nothing like going through the jungle 15,000 times to teach you how to go through the jungle. You know, it's nothing like doing it, you know, and, and I've been doing it for 31 years, not just talking about it, doing it. And, you know, they say you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? And, and AA, you know, I'll tell you something. There's three things people shouldn't see. They shouldn't see how sausages are made. They should never see how laws are made. And they shouldn't see how people stay sober. It's all ugly. It's none of it is pretty. You know, it's always up, downs and sideways. And the reason I like talking about it. The reason I like talking about the seven step is, is one of the things that you see, I like to think I was telling somebody that I said, I think I'd like to think I do grown up AA. Grown up AA. Now, listen, I love AA. I love every type of AA. I'm not putting down AA, you know, you know, to me, it's like a giant symphony. It's like a giant toolbox is a wrench to fit every nut that walks through the door. I love drunkologues. I do. I love drunkologues. I think drunkologues helped me out tremendously watching AA comics and AA humorous. And, and then I drank and then I drank an AA stories and, and even though they're drunkologues, you do get something out of it. And there's identification and you learn something about yourself and it's something good about going to an AA dinner or banquet and hearing an AA speaker that makes you laugh and maybe makes you think and all that sort of stuff. But, but I think my, my, my deal in at 62 years of age after 31 years with, you know, four children and six grandchildren married. You know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I haven't been in that 30 years and dealing with what I've dealt with over a period of time. You know, I, I'm focused on certain areas and, you know, as many of you know, because I don't hide it. I don't think I have to hide it. It says in the big book, we talk about how we developed our relationship with God. I think my, my real focus is, although I love newcomers, I did a meeting last night and there was a gal sitting there who had five days, another guy with 45 days. They were just great. They're just great. You know, I love them. You know, it's funny. They rarely, the ones with 5 and 45, they rarely get upset by the stuff I say, and I can be obnoxious and confrontational and blunt and all that stuff. They don't get upset about it. It's the people with 5 and 10 years that get upset. It's funny. They'll come up to me, the guys who are comfortable in their sobriety. I'd call it complacent. Comfortable in their sobriety. They'll come up to me and say, you're going to chase away newcomers. Talk too much about God. I think you said the word Jesus once or something like that. The newcomers love it. I spoke to around 450 young kids. They loved it. They love that. They love, they want a message of depth and weight and something other than the key to happiness is getting laid every night. You know what I mean? Or pretty woman. Or the crap that this world feeds you that you've run after your entire life, all of which never worked for us ever. You get that 23 hours. A day out there, listen, you're going to walk out there. You can watch all the Viagra commercials, the KY jelly commercials. You can watch, you can watch all the TV and the movies that tell you if you got perfect skin, if you have a perfect way to get the perfect husband, the perfect wife, the perfect car, all the TV commercials that are designed to make you spend money because they're telling you, you are crap. You are nothing unless you have this. And no matter how much you get, there's always one more commercial. One other thing that you haven't had where I never went to Jamaica. You know what I mean? One of the place you haven't gone to. Where you're running around only to find out at 80 years old, if you bankrupt yourself, spending money, you don't have buying things. You don't need to impress people. You don't like that. It never worked only to find that out. And you get that 10, 23 hours. And I'm just not going to give it to you in here. You know, this is about the real deal. This is about the only thing that works. God, that's what this is going to be about. And so the bottom line is, and this is a program where it's all about, all about your relationship with God. And it's also a program where a guy said to me one day, I heard you're a good speaker, but you talk too much about God. And he got that from his sponsor who had five or 10 years, who didn't like me talking too much about God because he thought I would chase away the newcomers. But what he really thought is if I'm right, then he might have to change. And he was pretty comfortable the way he was, you know, still focusing on the things and addicted to the things of this world, you know, and, and, you know, it was, he wasn't so much worried about the newcomer. He was worried about, you know, worried about the fact that he might have to change because he wasn't in it for extra credit. Now, here's the bottom line. Nobody has to do anything I'm suggesting. I'm just going to talk about my story and what I found over 31 years. And believe me, you'll have a lot of a humorous and entertainers and nice people and wonderful people will tell you it's all a bunch of crap. Just don't drink and it's all okay. And you can do what's basically the standard in a these days, hanging in there, you know? And that's the. standard now of fantastic sobriety. How are you doing? Hanging in there. Just hang in there and don't drink. Don't drink if your ass falls off and hang in there and you're a success. And to a certain extent, I agree with the premise, okay, that if you're an alcoholic and you haven't had a drink today, no matter what's going on, you're a success. I agree with that. But the bottom line is this isn't about hanging in there. This is about experiencing much of heaven and being rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence of which you have not even dreamed. This is not about being normal, living an ordinary life. It's about living an extraordinary life. Unbelievable things that God can do for you. This is about a book that says if you sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things happen. We lose fear of today, yesterday, and tomorrow. We were reborn. This is about a book that says God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. This is a book that talks about having a new freedom and a new happiness and you can identify with the not drinking stuff and the jaywalk all you want. I feel sorry for the person with 14 and 20 and 25 years who does not identify with the people that are experiencing much of heaven and got the best, the great fact nailed down because that's where this program is really at. That's what I want to talk about. That's where the focus I have. Because at 31 years I sponsor and I work with a lot of people that are 14, 15, 20, 25 years who are miserable and confused. And you wouldn't know they were miserable and confused. Because they talk like people who are 15, 20 and 25 years. So they can be at an A meeting. They can hold their own. They know how to talk. They know what to say. And you don't understand what's going on there. But you see when I talk to them, I see the ashes you know and the dryness and the brittleness that's inside. And the problems they're having with their life and stuff like that. You understand what I'm saying? So I know that it's possible to get, I know that it's possible for an alcoholic, you know one of the things I say is I came in here when the consequences of my drinking can tame at me faster than my ability to lower my standards. Because if you're an alcoholic you can be in the gutter going through 15 divorces and not seeing your kids and not paying child support and be a total wreck and somehow convince yourself that you're not doing so badly. You know what I mean? Well you want to have something in mind that can do that can also convince yourself you're not doing so badly when you're lonely when you're confused, when you're angry, when you're pissed off because you picked up a 5 year medallion. And people will clap for you. It's amazing but the alcohol, you know I have a disease that said, you know the alcohol is but a symptom of the disease. It says men and women drink because they like the effect produced by alcohol. They are restless, irritable and discontented unless they can again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks. Just works like that magically. And so my problem is and always will be not drinking. Drinking was the solution to my problem. My problem is how I feel in sobriety. Alcoholism is something, that ism is something that attacks me when I'm sober. You know and it attacks you when I'm sober and when I see it 5 miles away, I don't even let it get a hold of me. I immediately push the button and say I need a drink. And so I don't suffer from alcoholism, I suffer from something called drunk. And I start thinking that drunk is alcoholism but drunk isn't alcoholism. Alcoholism is the thing that happens to you when you're not drunk. That's the thing that happens, you see if you get a person here who's a non-alcoholic and a person who's an alcoholic and you get them both drunk, you won't be able to tell the difference. Because they're just drunk, that's something that happens to you when you're drunk. Now it becomes such a big thing, you get arrested for DUI you start thinking that that's really the problem. That drunk is really the problem until you stop drinking. And you're 18 months sober, you're 3 years sober, you're 5 years sober and your life is a bloody mess and you got people all through your brain and you feel crabby about yourself and all of a sudden you can't have a decent relationship and you're going through your 15th divorce or you can't seem to link up with anybody and everything's confusing and then you realize it can't be alcohol because you haven't had a drink in 18 months, 3 years, whatever. It's not alcohol, it's something called alcoholism. And all of a sudden you say to yourself one day, now I know why I drank. Because it's a crummy world with crummy people and nothing ever seems to work out and I've been doing this for 10 years and I still feel like crap. And when's it going to be better? It's like Saturday Night Live, you know you know, it's always something. It's always something. And you're reading this book about being rocketed in the fourth dimension of existence and you say, well when's that going to happen? You lose fear of people and of economic insecurity well when's that going to happen to me? You have a new freedom, a new happiness well when's that going to happen for me? And so you just have to be satisfied with just feeling crummy and hanging in there from meeting to meeting almost like from bar to bar, from drink to drink and all of a sudden you're just using A the same way you use the bar, you just get here at 5 30, you don't just drink booze, you drink coffee and talk to somebody and you get a little bit of a feeling of relief until you get in the car and you start managing your life again and trying to figure out how to get, I don't know, the Viagra, the car, whatever it is again and managing your life and everything they say we shouldn't do and everything like that. And you know, just like it says in the big book in the chapter Alcoholics and Anxiety you know there's something more just like Bill Dotson said, something you haven't got. That's what he said looking at me he says, I knew there was a release a happiness, there was something more something I haven't gotten. You hang around these guys that have, you know, whatever it is, 30 years whatever it is, somebody who you see what they have, what you want, and you're saying but how do you do that deal? And you sense there's something more and there's something wrong but you're not quite sure what it is and of course when you're 11 years sober, 15 years sober, 7 years sober, whatever the hell it is you come upon the feeling that well you're supposed to be better than this so you're not going to tell anybody. You wouldn't even know what to tell them anyway. You know what are you going to tell them? You just don't know what it is you must be doing okay, you're picking up the medallions, isn't that what it's all about? Because it says right here it says here, it says the thing I read right here, it says the only reason, the only purpose for an AA group is sobriety not drinking do you believe that? Hey if the only purpose for you being here is not drinking you're going to drink. You understand that? Well you'd have to understand it, I understand it that's why people drink, you ever realize have you realized yet that people come to AA and they stay here for a while and then they drink. Have you ever seen that happen? Have you ever seen anybody drink after 3 years? You ever seen anybody drink after 5 years? You ever seen people drink after 10 years? I've seen them drink after 25 years. You know why people drink after coming to AA? Because the only reason they're here for is to not drink. If the only reason you're here for is to not drink I guarantee you'll drink. Or you'll be miserable or you'll be dry and miserable. I mean anybody who's read the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I mean really read it and read the 12 and 12 and worked this thing seriously and gotten this thing seriously knows this is not about not drinking. It's everything about not drinking but it's not about not drinking it's only a little bit about not drinking once you get rid of the drinking then the real fun begins. This is about completely changing your entire life and who and what you are and going through a transformation a spiritual and emotional transformation otherwise why would we need that 11th step why would we need faith in God burn the idea of the person's wife wife or no wife, job or no wife, all you need is why would you even have to talk about a relationship with God He's doing for you what we can't why would you even need to talk about this stuff it's about not drinking obviously it's about more than not drinking it's about spiritual development no matter how much we don't want to hear it and that's the other thing we have here unfortunately or fortunately the incredible fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is made up of alcoholics, right it ain't Well People's Anonymous you know I came in here and every once in a while I'd complain about some people in AA and what they were doing my sponsors would say well you must have obviously thought that you accidentally fell into Well People's Anonymous. So you have a group of people and the chief characteristic is defiance at all shades of sobriety from one day to 50 years all across the board and they all suffer from the same disease and it has to do with denial and not wanting to do this thing really and somehow some way working things out so they can do this thing but not really do this thing and change but not change that much and be defiant about anybody who's trying to change and this group is basically you think the group is trying to hang you together to help you stay sober and what you don't realize is that there's this huge undercurrent of the group that's basically saying don't do this don't listen to that guy and so sometimes you hear stuff from the group that is diametrically opposed to alcohol you know how many times have you been to a meeting where people say I'm spiritual I'm not religious like religious is a dirty word how many times have you heard people say I'm recovering a Roman Catholic I'm recovering this I'm recovering that and put down religion you read in the book you know what it says I've learned in the history of AA that you find out for the first four years they didn't have the big book and all they did was read the Bible and that they said as a matter of fact the book of James was almost named the James Club which I'm going to talk a little bit about 1 Corinthians 13 and the Sermon on the Mount were absolutely essential for recovery in alcoholics synonymous I'm not making that up look at Dr. Bob the Good Old Timers and then you find out that Bill Wilson was sponsored essentially you know by Ed Dowling the Jesuit priest and Sam Shoemaker who you know did the Oxford movement one of the guys who made Movers and Shakers of the Episcopal Priest Calvary Church and you start reading in the big book it says we lose all prejudice even against organized religion you know what that's out of that's out of the big book that's out of our basic text we lose all prejudice even against organized religion we begin to see where religious people were right it even says we encourage church membership it's not pushed you don't have to do it but we encourage it most of us join churches well where do you go from there to the undercurrent of hatred for religion and organized religion that you hear in alcoholics synonymous it's diametrically opposed so next time you start thinking that everybody in AA and the fellowship of AA is all designed to set you in the right directions think again you better know this book you better know the book you better know the material you better hang out with the right people because in this group the same people in this group are the same people you hung out with at the bars that's where we get them from no it's true the bars you know those crazy wackos you hung out with in the bars that said when you said I got to get home because my wife and kids are waiting they say ah forget about it you don't need that you know the same people who endorsed all your crazy ideas those same people said I don't give a shit you know those people we went through the bars we got them all out and we brought them in here they're in here and they're the ones that are telling that guy Russell's a good speaker but he talks too much about God and letting him know that there's something wrong with talking about God even though there's a book called Alcoholics Anonymous and all it does is talk about God and then you realize the other axiom in Alcoholics Anonymous spiritual axiom which I talked about in here before my wife told me my first wife told me you come home drunk one more time and I'm leaving you pretty straight forward come home drunk one more time I'm leaving you so I got in my car I drove three blocks away got to the first line I said well what the hell do you mean by that it's confusing and that's the second axiom in IAA whenever an alcoholic hears or sees or reads anything or is told anything he doesn't like it confuses him or he gets angry at it and makes it go away and so 90% of the program you hear in Alcoholics Anonymous that may be good stuff you throw away you get a good sponsor he tells you something you don't want to hear you get mad and you throw it away you get another sponsor everybody knows the third step prayer but nobody knows the line right after the third step prayer because it's a line that gets people angry so they throw it away you know the line right after the third step prayer some of you may know because you may have heard me say this before but that's a perfect example right after the third step prayer step 5 it says the following in chapter 5 I'm sorry it says the following it says the following let's see where we got it find that third step prayer we're now at step 3 many of us said to our makers we understand them God I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them would bear witness to those I would help of thy power thy love and thy way of life may I do thy will always everybody knows that but nobody knows what the line is right after that because they don't like the line so they throw it away and make believe it's not there and that's what we do with most of the book we read this big book and it has all sorts of lines like that next line and when we come to those next lines we don't like it we're scared of it it doesn't fit within our theology or what we want to do it sounds a little bit too preacher religious so we throw it away because we figure it's not important we skip it every line that sounds like it in the big book we skip that line until we finally get to the end of the big book and we think we're doing the program and we're doing the big book and what we think the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is is acceptance is the answer to all our problems that's what we boil this book down to acceptance is the answer to all our problems and then we have nothing but problems and we don't know why we have nothing but problems when acceptance is the answer to all our problems which it's not by the way sometimes it's courage it's always faith we have problems when we never really understood what the big book is and then one day the doctor says you've got terminal cancer or you got 20 years sober or you got 6 months to live or your wife dies or your husband dies or you lose your job and you read this book again and all of a sudden you read this line the line right after the third step it says we thought well before taking this step making sure that we were ready that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him and all of a sudden at 20 years sober we start thinking man I don't remember meeting dad and all of a sudden the line has meaning for us because we're not really worried about the viagra the car or any of that stuff anymore or you know the girlfriend or the boyfriend now we're thinking about dying in eternity and all of a sudden the God thing doesn't seem so goofy to us because all of a sudden at 60 years old or 50 year old we decide to stop acting like 13 and 12 year olds and start to get serious about it because we know we don't have that much more time on the planet and all of a sudden all these lines like there is one who has all power that one is God where you find him now and all the stuff they talk about the God isn't throw away lines anymore all of a sudden we sort of see these things I mean I didn't know that was in that book and we start seeing stuff and we start reading stuff and all of a sudden we start reading about how they used to read the Bible and all of a sudden maybe we become interested in that at 60 years old or 70 years old or something like that when things start getting serious we start deciding to act like grown ups we're no longer chasing the stuff out there and all of a sudden we're actually reading the 7th step and the 12 and 12 and seeing what it means when it talks about giving your life over and being addicted to prestige and romance and money and things like that you start reading it and you start taking it to heart and you say I've been doing this all my life I've been doing this all wrong I haven't been even listening to what they're trying to say that it's all about character building and the whole thing is about my relationship with God and I understand what they say see to them that my relationship with Him is right and great events will come to pass you and countless others when I used to laugh at people sit in the back of the room and mock people that talked about that stuff and all of a sudden it becomes important you say why didn't I do this 20 years ago why didn't I do this 30 years ago and you start realizing how much you've been addicted to your mind's been addicted to the stuff that's actually killing you and actually toxic to you and so they come to this 7th step deal where they say and so if that's true if it's true that whenever an alcoholic hears something sees something or is told something he doesn't like he makes it go away and one way of making it go away is just get angry at the person get angry just get angry who the hell is he let me tell you something if you live a life based upon self will run riot filled with selfishness what does it say we are it says selfishness self centeredness all our problems driven by 100 forms of fear self delusion self seeking we step on the toes of others they retaliate usually we think we're provoked but usually it's because we made decisions based upon self to put it in that position and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot though he usually doesn't think so we don't think so because our alcoholic life seems the only normal one and even though for 10 15 20 years we have a low level or high level of anxiety we don't even think there's anything wrong with that because we're so used to it because that's just the way I am that's just the way life is and it's never going to be better and that's just the way the deal is going to be and so when you act like that and you feel like that and that's the way you are and that's your best thinking got you into these jams and all of a sudden and things keep on unraveling for you and it never gets that good and you come in here and you accidentally bump into somebody who's got their crap together who has worked this thing you know has faith and it's working for them or them saying something to you that's not going to fit within your philosophy in other words what do you think the chances of once you come in here at one year two years five years or ten years and you see somebody who has what you want you know what I mean and has the life that you want and the spirit that you want and what's going on that you want what do you think the chances are if you hang out with them of them turning to you one day and telling you something about your life that you would rather not hear big big the chances are that if you come in here filled with the disease of alcoholism and you want help and you really want help and you go up to somebody to help you they're going to tell you something that you're going to you ready for this disagree with they're going to say let me tell you something when my wife said you know listen if you've ever heard anything in AA that's pissed you off if anybody's ever told you something or said anything on the podium that's pissed you off well let me tell you something hold on to your horses because if you're going to hang around here and if you're going to grow up and become a grown up person you're going to digest and hear and have to put up with a lot of crap and a lot of truths about yourself and life that you're not going to want to hear and you're going to say a million times I didn't sign up for this crap I'm not listening to this stuff but I'm telling you it's right out of the book it says it right here it says right here in this deal because there's a lot of old ideas did you know that it says we've got to get rid of our old ideas the result is nil until we let go absolutely and let me tell you something not drinking is but one old idea listen I was nine years sober I was nine years sober I lost all my credit cards before I realized you're going to get more money than you make you're going to debt did you know that do you know how many people are living a dishonest life a dishonest life because they're addicted to living above their means because they care they worry about themselves and what other people think about them and they buy stuff they don't need to impress people they don't like do you know how much the crazy stuff we do with people and how we act and we don't even know what's going on you know because we've got stuff going on deep down inside that's part and parcel of our alcoholism we're drinking but we don't see it we just don't see it you know you're lathering up in the shower you're driving your car and a voice comes from somewhere from Venus you're an idiot you're stupid you're a jerk I'm sure you're laughing you don't know what it's like but you know you hear this stuff you hear the accuser telling you what an idiot you are how stupid you are how you'll never come out to anything how you'll never be okay and you look around the car to see where it's coming from and there's nobody there but you and it's coming from you you ever hear people talking about the committee don't worry about the committee because don't ever worry about the people that are talking in your brain where you're invited to the meeting at least you're invited to the meeting you know what I mean you better worry about the executive secret committee you know the black ops committee that's meeting in secret and they don't even tell you when and where they're meeting you know they're the ones that say let's shoot up this idea you're an asshole you're an idiot you're a jerk where do you think that's coming from my living room it's coming from you and I've got some bad news for you those thoughts and those feelings that are coming from you are coming from some place inside you 24-7 they don't like go away to Jamaica for three years and then say come back when you're in the shower they're working on you when you're in the shower and when you hear them they're working on you when you don't hear them they're the ones that stop you from applying for that job they're the ones that screw up that relationship they're the ones that tell you to do things that are absolutely crazy why did you do that thing and you don't even know you're hearing them because they're coming from the secret committee and there's a million things like that going on in your life and you're thinking what you think is normal and of course anybody who sort of points you in the right direction you always say well screw that guy because he's telling you something you don't want to hear on step seven it says the following it says certainly no alcoholic and surely no member of Alcoholics Anonymous wants to deprecate material achievement in other words it tells us we don't want to put down material achievement this is what I love about AA we tell people don't worry about the God thing don't worry about the God thing and then we spend the entire book talking about our creator and the creator of the universe you know why well because that's AA speak I mean get used to it it's AA speak feeding out you see because alcoholics are children they're childish we're childish I'm childish I'm obstreperous I think I know everything I'll run off the cliff thinking I'm right the only way to get me is you can't come at me with a frontal assault you gotta come at me sideways you gotta somehow tell me something I don't want to say it's untruthful but we have a way of talking to us so we don't assault we come around the side like in the revolutionary war when they were shooting from behind bushes so here's what we say the first line is certainly no alcoholic and surely no member of AA I mean don't you love it in AA when they tell you the only thing you have to do is not drink and finally buy into that and they say oh and don't hang around those people and so you argue about that a little bit more and they say so you don't argue about it and he says oh it's best not to go to those places you know and so you argue about that a little more and then you don't go to those places and they say you can't really think that that resentment's gonna kill you and so you argue about that and then you give up on the resentments and it's like every week it's another thing that you gotta give up I thought this was just about drinking and every week it's one more thing that you which is part of your personality I told my sponsor this is my personality he says your personality's killing you I'm in love with my personality I'm wonderful and every week it's just one more thing that you think is the greatest thing in the world that you have that they'll applaud you on the x factor that your sponsor's saying you better get rid of that thing he said well wait a second and it seems every time you got something I finally got something my brain the one thing I got is I'm brilliant he says you better get rid of that you're crazy you know what I mean you got everything you gotta give it all up all over to him isn't that what it says give it all over to him certainly no alcoholic and surely no merveille wants to deprecate material achievement nor do we enter into debate with men who still so passionately cling to the belief that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the main object of this life you know start thinking about what you think about you know you're in a program where it talks about being spiritual see your relationship with him is right great events will come down start thinking about what you think about most of the day what your conversation is about most of the day when you converse with people what do you converse what are you talking about most of the day you see what it says here it says it says nor do we enter into debate with many who so passionately cling to the belief that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the main object of life I'm going to give you a suggestion that in Alcoholics Anonymous in Alcoholics Anonymous the main thing in here is the passionate desire to cling to the belief that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the main object that 90% of people here are still chasing after money power and prestige while professing to be spiritual and they walk out the rooms and they start thinking how to manage your lives to get more stuff or keep the stuff they have and they're thinking about it in the rooms and it comes up in the discussion meetings and this whole thing is about things things people people people me me me stuff stuff stuff and then it says nor do we enter into a debate with many who so passionately cling to the belief that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the main object of life but we are sure that no class of people in the world ever made a worse mess of trying to live by this formula than alcoholics for thousands of years we have been demanding more than our share of security prestige and yes girls and boys but mostly girls yeah boys and romance and romance man I'll tell you you know I go home every night my wife likes to watch those novellas you know what I mean she loves she loves the girly flicks and you know I love the flicks where people get killed a lot you know it's true but you know it's amazing how much this society thrusts upon us I know you can call me a party pooper that if you could only find a man who would love you and you could love him and a white picket fence you know in a house your life would be wonderful you know how many people's hopes have been dashed upon that deal or if you only found the right girl I spent my whole life looking for her the one that was going to fix me you know what I mean money power prestige and romance looking for that it's the undercurrent it's almost impossible to get rid of it we're so addicted to that stuff and the world doesn't do anything the world if you look at the billboards it tells us we're right that's what the billboards say you know if we don't have that there's something wrong with us when we seem to be succeeding we drank we drank to dreams till greater dreams when we were frustrated even in part we drank for oblivion never was there enough of what we thought we wanted in all these strivings so many of them well intentioned our crippling handicapped have been our lack of humility we had lacked the perspective to see the character buildings and spiritual values had to come first and in A spiritual values have to do with the relationship with God that's what it has to do with it it's all about him that's why they're constantly pointing you to him that's why they're constantly talking and they say see to it that your relationship with him is right and great events will come past you and countless others and somehow the more you focus on him the less important a new car becomes I spoke about that I think last week when I talked about the new car thing and you know every year I had a new car a new car and five weeks after I got it it was an old car but I still had to keep on doing it so you know new car new hair cut a new a new blouse a new this a new that a new whatever it is that's going to make you feel okay and it never quite worked out but your whole life is searching for that new thing that's going to make you feel okay and you know always and the only thing that broke me of that addiction and that addiction is even stronger and you're in more denial than the alcohol addiction because they can't because they don't arrest you for driving while greedy they don't arrest you for driving while lustful they don't arrest you for driving while vain they don't arrest you for driving while superficial you may ultimately lose your job and a lot of things may happen because of all those things but it's not so obvious so look how many years had to go by and how much you had to explode just to get to the point where you said yeah maybe I have a drinking problem imagine what you have to go through to even get to the point where you're even willing to consider that spending too much money on stuff or going after this might be a problem maybe you ought to look at God especially when everybody's in the room saying he talks too much about God that's not really the problem just don't drink and hang in there just hang, how you doing? hanging in there oh man, that's something to shoot for for us, now listen here's where it gets good this is the good part this is why I like step 7 you know I always like they say whenever you're disturbed no matter what the problem this is a spiritual axiom if you don't like it, write New York whenever you're disturbed no matter what the cause there's something wrong with you now you've got to understand the old idea of the alcoholic is if I'm disturbed and I'm pissed off there's something wrong with you you understand? and we can prove it mathematically so if I say something and you get mad you go outside and you get mad at me and you get mad at me and you talk about me because I said something how did he say that? because I made you feel because then you say things like why are you angry? he made me angry you know and I'll tell you if I got that power you're a dead chicken no matter no matter no matter when your life is crap when you live in a world where everybody around you have no control over they make you angry they affect your feelings and of course with us our feelings are more important than anything else yes I killed those 15 people and the 5 children but they pissed me off they shouldn't have done that you know because my feelings are more important than anything because I'm an alcoholic and my feelings are that's it that's the Valhalla and that's how we live and those are all old ideas that's the deal with us you know you think the alcohol is the problem wait until you start dealing with the alcoholism for us the process of gaining new perspective so whenever you're disturbed you know I don't have problems what you ultimately realize is you're not is we go through this crap we go through this horrible stuff until we finally get it straight that if you're disturbed you finally say the one thing that's not alcohol you say there must be something wrong with me why does why did what Russell say bother me so much and all of a sudden you start writing it out start writing while you're mad you start living a little history you talk to your sponsor you pray about it and you say that's why and you see something you believe something you say you know he's right it's because of this and then all of a sudden you see what the problem is you see why it disturbs you you see why it disturbs you you see what's wrong with you and all of a sudden you embrace and you say that's actually right and you accept it and all of a sudden you go from being 8 years old to being 12 years old and the next time you hear somebody say it it doesn't bother you anymore and somebody says why doesn't that bother you I say because it's the truth and you embrace it and all of a sudden you're like an adult and then somebody says how did you do that and I said man I fought it I fought that deal for us the process of gaining a new perspective was unbelievably painful hey you thought you were signed up for AA and you thought well now it's going to be good no it's going to be bad it's going to be bad I said to Ray O'Keefe I said when am I going to be financially secure he said never I said the book says one of the promises I'll be financially secure he says it doesn't say that I said yes it does he says read it he says it says fear of you'll lose fear of financial insecurity he says you see you'll always be broke but it won't bother you I said well thanks for clearing that up and he was right it's only by repeated humiliations that we were forced to learn something about humility isn't that fun you'd only get humiliated once a lot of times it was only at the end of a long road marked by successive defeats and humiliations well isn't that something to look forward to and the final crushing of our self-sufficiency that doesn't sound like it's a lot of fun does it that we began to feel humility as something even more something more than a condition of grumbling despair every newcomer in Alcoholics Anonymous is told and soon realizes for himself that his humble admission of powerlessness over alcohol is his first step towards liberation from its paralyzing grip and thus being humiliated being pounded upon and finally coming to the point at maybe 20 years sober that another woman is just not going to solve my problem there's something wrong with me I'm trying I better stop that that that that another man is just not going to solve my problem that a car is not going to solve my problem that the money is not going to solve my problem that you know how what do we have to go through you know it says a long road that's why it takes 20 or 30 years now I understand with alcoholics we're used to 20 or 30 seconds this is how I solve a problem give me a double scotch whack solved you may have to go to 10 years of meetings to get the effect that two jiggers of scotch will give you in like 5 seconds you know it's just the way it is people come up to me and say I feel this I feel that I feel the other thing and say I know exactly how you feel I felt the same way too you'll get over it in about 10 or 15 years and they sort of chuckle but it's like a nervous chuckle because they're thinking they get the idea that I'm not really kidding and here's the part here we go here we get the good part ok this improved perception of humility starts another revolutionary change in our outlook this is where we start getting different ideas about things now I'm going to give you a real different idea I'm going to leave you with a real different idea tonight our eyes begin to open to the immense values which have come straight out of painful ego suffering you see what it says in this book later on I haven't read it and it says before this it says what you think is everything that happens to you is bad that hurts you and scares you is horrible it's a bad thing you complain to people you complain in the rooms you feel sorry for yourself you don't realize that's when that's when good stuff is happening to you you see now I know that sounds crazy I know that sounds crazy and you want to think I'm crazy you'd like to get angry at me and make that go away you understand I know you want to make that go away and and it doesn't sound right you would rather drink drug lie steal high move to Milwaukee do anything to avoid the pain I understand that that's the way you live your life what I'm saying can't possibly be true you know what I mean because you don't you didn't sign up for that deal I understand that you signed up to live on the yacht happily ever after and so this idea that our eyes begin to open to the immense value of painful ego puncturing well I just want to point out something to you this is not my feelings about things this is not my idea I'm with you guys this is the book this is the 12 this is our program so next time people tell you the program is acceptance is the answer to all our problems there's a few other things in the program it says until now our lives have been largely devoted to running from pain and problems we fled from them as from a plague we never wanted to deal with the fact of suffering escape by the bottle has always been our solution character building through suffering might be alright for saints but it certainly didn't appeal to us it says we learned the value of suffering we understand hey I understand why the Israelites spent 40 years in the desert to do this to walk something that should have taken them like four weeks you know what I mean 40 years but by the time that 40 years they walked out of Egypt and when they came out of Egypt they had a slave mentality they were slaves for 400 years man by the time that 40 years went by all the slaves had died off and the kids that were alive that walked into the promised land they were ready to kick ass and take names you know they were born in the desert and we all do desert time in here we all go through the divorces we all go through the deaths we all go through you know the people the unfairness we all go through the fire wings we all go through the financial stuff we all go through the cancer we all go through the sickness we all go through it together and it's horrible and we whine and we cry and we join the ranks of the thumb sucking cry babies until we grow up okay and we do what they say in the book of James remember the book of James we were almost called the James club first line in the book of James rejoice when you have troubles rejoice say hey give it to me more hey give me more God I'm ready for you I want that test me hit me with it you know what I mean he says because when you have troubles and you've got this when you have troubles and you don't have a relationship with God and the only person you rely on about yourself it's a scary thing and you become a thumb sucking cry baby and you become filled with self pity and anger which is what I did and you drink or you fold up like a wet newspaper in the rain but when you're focused on him when you do what they're talking about in the air him and you develop a relationship with God the harder it comes on you what the book of James says is because when you have troubles and trials you go through perseverance and perseverance increases your strength matures your strength and makes you more of an adult and more of a person of character a mensch and that's what that's what makes that's like the Marine Corps going through boot camp and that's what you become and if you're if you think about your life and you think about growing up and how you've grown and how you've changed you're going to have to admit that with all the bullshit you've been through and all the crap you've been through going into up to this point you know you wouldn't be the person you are today I'm talking about the good stuff if the crap hadn't happened to you and you stayed sober throughout the crap even though like making the sausages it didn't look pretty when it was happening I knew you ran around and you whined and you cried and you told your spots you did all that and you thought you were going crazy but the truth is you weren't in a bar drinking you were somehow some way making your way towards somehow feeling through some sort of faith that God was going to take care of you and you would get out of the deal and ultimately you got out of the deal and it worked and you were a stronger person for it so the next time the same thing came along or a different thing you were even tougher and more easily able to handle it and you were more of an adult instead of a 13 year old child and so when you start adopting that listen I don't necessarily I want things to go smooth I want the million dollars in the bank I want it but I know when the stuff comes at me I don't harblize I say hey man this is you know this is God because he loves me sending me stuff that I got to deal with and you know something when you start stop panicking over bad stuff happening to you and suffering and you start realizing it's for your own benefit and all you have to look at is God like they talk about in this book and hang around with people that's talking about him because if you hang around with people that are sucking their thumbs saying oh my God this is terrible you got to do something about it if you hang around with the jokers you're hung around in the bar and they're all in here you know telling you you better do this you better do that if you hang around the right people writing the right reading the right books at the right time you will always have the conversation going in your mind he will protect me thy will be done not mine and you will always come out okay and let me tell you something when even bad things are good you never have a bad day when even the bad things are okay you never have a problem and somebody says how's it going you say hey unbelievable it's all great so God bless you next week we'll talk about it