Don’t Tell the Newcomer What He’s Doing Wrong — Alcoholism Already Took Care of That – Mike F.

About This Speaker Tape

Mike shares his story of growing up as the middle child of seven in a home outside Buffalo, New York, where his father was a member of AA and his mother was in Al-Anon. Even as a young child, he developed patterns of secrecy, guilt, and fear — starting when he set the family house on fire at age six and couldn't tell anyone. He began stealing for the thrill and drinking stolen beer by second grade, already planning his next drink before the first one wore off. By 15, he was detoxed in Children's Hospital, and over the next decade he cycled in and out of AA, hospitals, and a psychiatric ward, never able to stay sober despite knowing the program worked.

In April 1985, suicidal and weighing 90 pounds, Mike broke into a house looking for a gun to kill himself. Unable to find it, he looked out a third-floor window calculating whether the fall would be fatal. Seeing three women in church hats reminded him of his grandmother, and he dropped to his knees and prayed "God, help me" for the first time in years. He called his father, who connected him with Big John C. in Brownwood, Texas. On May 5, 1985, Mike landed in Abilene and was taken straight to an AA meeting.

Big John became the transformative sponsor Mike needed — blunt, loving, and tireless. John told him on the first night, "I don't know if you've got the guts it takes to make this deal, but if you want to get sober, I'll go to hell and back with you. And if you don't, you can go to hell alone." John introduced Mike to Bill O. and Arbutus, who ran the Midwest Tape Library, and to AA old-timers across Texas. They studied the Big Book together, attended conferences, and John built Mike's shattered self-esteem by celebrating small wins — cooking breakfast, greeting people at the door, making spaghetti with round meatballs.

Mike describes the moment he learned about Eddie, the first man Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob tried to help, who had to be committed after chasing Dr. Bob's wife with a butcher knife — yet got sober 15 years later. That story made Mike realize AA was built on failure, not success, and that he truly belonged. Now celebrating 24 years sober, Mike lives in Chandler, Arizona with his wife of 21 years and three children. He houses the Midwest Tape Library collection and is working to digitize it. He closes with Dr. Bob's distillation of AA into two words — love and service — and Big John's definition of love as "an unbiased attitude of good will toward everyone."

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction, thanks to the committee, sobriety date April 23 1985
• 2:30 Setting the house on fire at age six, beginning of secret-keeping and fear
• 6:00 Growing up with an AA father and Al-Anon mother, drunks sleeping on the front porch, stealing beer at brother's first communion
• 12:00 First AA meeting at 15 in a police station basement in Orchard Park, New York — calls himself a problem drinker with alcoholic tendencies
• 18:00 Suicidal break-in looking for a gun, three ladies in church hats, drops to his knees and prays Higher Power help me
• 24:00 Lands in Abilene, Big John meets him at the airport — if you want to get sober I'll go to hell and back with you
• 30:00 Bill O.'s tape library in Brownwood, instant coffee, Bill pounds the table about cleaning up language
• 38:00 Smitty tells the story of Eddie — AA was built on failure, Mike realizes he belongs
• 48:00 Meeting his wife at a pool in Arizona, fortune cookie says you can trust the man you're with, married four months later
• 55:00 Woman in Toronto hotel lobby given a picture of Bill and Lois — Higher Power gave you a miracle, closing with Dr. Bob's love and service