Deal with Alcohol or It Will Deal with You — That Door Is Not Always Open – John T.

And now I'd like to introduce our chairperson for today. I find him truly inspiring. This is John T. from Los Gatos. My name is John, and I'm an alcoholic. There are a number of things going on now that is a little bit inspiring. You know, as typically most alcoholics, and perhaps other people, I don't know about them, but sitting here at this podium and recognizing that we as a fellowship of Saturday Night Live and Alcoholics Anonymous are in the process of putting on our first big deal. And I'm sitting here, and I want to do it right, and they're playing these goddamn microphones. And if they only knew how important this was to me, they'd get it right in the first place. Oh, cunning, baffling, and powerful. If I were to do some of the things that I used to do, I'm sure these microphones would not be working now. I'll tell you that. God, could I help people in the good old days. I was thinking, and I've been asked a couple of times since, it has been my great privilege, absolute great privilege, to be just the opening speaker on this particular speaker discussion meeting. That I became aware, frankly, just this evening, that it was my also great privilege of being the first chairman speaker at our very first meeting of the Saturday Night Live group. And I was thinking about that, and I was thinking about the topic that I chose for that particular meeting, because the meeting itself, it really started that way. We didn't start it as a group. It took a while before we really got a group, and a group being more than one meeting. And, uh... My topic in that particular meeting was, uh, right thinking. And we caused enough sensation in this valley when we started Saturday Night Live. I can just imagine what I would have sounded like if I sat in that little room, with all those little kindergarten chairs, and told them that one day we'll have a conference that'll seat 2,000 people, and we will, and I could just see that. They'd say, uh, that old man's gone. He's gone over the hill again. This is truly awesome. Awesome. I came to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and, uh, not knowing, obviously, what I know now, and not knowing anything about the disease, or the recovery from the same. The only thing that I really knew about alcohol, to be honest with you, because of the denial of the disease, or the self-deception, you might say, is, is that two things. I could generally drink more than anybody else, and it seemed as if they were really, didn't hold their booze very well, because I was such a fine drinker. And, uh, the only other, all piece of knowledge I had on there was, like, my father, who had to die from this disease, who was just a tongue-chewing, babbling idiot, drunk. But I had a lot of class. I came to my first meeting, not out of knowledge of the disease, nor, nor did I come here to find you, uh, did I come here to, even knowing what you had. I had a friend of mine who insisted that, that he had found a beautiful place, and that I might come and find out what it was that you had to offer. And so I came to my first meeting. As I say, I don't know, I did not know anything about recovery at all. The first person I met insulted me, the second person I met insulted me, and I was so mad. when I left that first meeting even though I did buy a book and even though I did identify with a number of things I was so mad I knew BAM well I'd come back and show you something my first meeting as I say was hostile I didn't want to go ever again and my friend called that was on a Tuesday night and my friend called me on a Friday and he said do you want to go to another meeting and I said well not really he said come on so I went to that meeting and I found that the people were just a little nicer a little more friendly and I liked it a little more the badasses weren't there that night and I remember going to my next meeting he called me on the following Tuesday and he said do you want to go to a meeting and I said well yeah I'd like to go and I went to that meeting and boy I was a whole different deal you people were so much friendlier and outgoing and nice and when he called me on the following Friday and he said do you want to go to a meeting I said boy I really would and I went and once again the magic happened and it was beautiful and I called him on Saturday and I said do you want to go to a meeting and he said no and I said geez what's the matter don't you like those people and that's the way it's been I fell in love with Alcoholics Anonymous from its very inception and you see I didn't know what I and it's important that I remind myself of this the theme of this particular conference is that we deal with alcohol and lest I forget that I have to remember how it was that I got here and how it was that I was fortunate enough to stay here because I knew not know anything about the disease I came here and I was immediately attracted or virtually immediately attracted as soon as I got less mad at you and more tolerant of you I got attracted by your way of life and I have said and I will hopefully will continue to say from that moment to this my life has gotten better one day at a time I tried to do the things that you suggested that I do that is I read the book I studied the book I went to meetings I tried to get involved I didn't know how to do that I'm the one that had to I had to volunteer at meetings because I didn't know how to speak at meetings but to read because it was safe to read I felt that I would stand up and get known by you and what I wanted is I didn't care about you I didn't care about your recovery that you seemed to offer that didn't that didn't seem to well when I say recovery from alcohol you seemed to have a way of life that was so dramatically appealing to me it appeared as if your life worked and I wanted it I wanted the way of life and I tried and I tried so very hard and I got obsessed with recovery when I say I got obsessed with recovery I did get obsessed with recovery my life changed almost from the very first moment it continued to change it got better and better and amazing things happened amazing things were happening and I didn't understand what was going down I remember walking up to my wife and saying God, Peg this relationship is near and dear to me and it's exceptionally precious and it's turned into something that was absolutely magnificent and when I got here I called it that our relationship was really nothing but damn near an endurance kind of thing it was a real contest it changed just like everything else in my life from my first meeting and I walked up to her and I was sober a month or two and I said gee, Peg this thing is beautiful and it's happening but it's kind of scaring me a little bit because I don't know what the hell is happening I'm changing and she said well, what's the matter? and I said well, I'm afraid I'm going to screw it up again and she said don't worry she said it appears as if you're not going to be able to do it if you're changing into the kind of person that I always knew you were and and that was good that was good news to me but I still didn't have the thing that I have now and the thing that I hope I never do lose because as I say I was reading the book I was going to meetings I was studying I was listening to the tapes of a beautiful teacher and I was four months sober and I was in a place that I shouldn't have been I didn't drink and I wanted to drink I didn't hurt anybody but oh God I wanted to hurt people I didn't want to wreck the building and I wanted to do that I went absolutely mad for two and a half hours because the veil was stripped from me the veil was stripped from me about why it was that I was really here you see I got caught away with the beauty of your life and I thought I could get it and to an extent I did but I know now that it was not real it was borrowed information I was copying what you were doing and it was working for me but I'm totally convinced that it would not have worked much longer because what happened to me there I for the first time really understood what it was to admit that I was an alcoholic the information that I had and I had played with the first three steps thinking this is a piece of cake this is a piece of cake this is a piece of cake but when I sat in that room and went crazy and mad and did my best not to hurt anybody or drink air the veil was lifted me and I had this moment of clarity and I knew I knew why it was that my kids had run away and hid from me and why my wife had turned into the ice queen and why our beautiful this magnificent marriage had turned into such an endurance contest and then for the first time I was able to look at and start dealing with alcohol cunning baffling powerful this is in a chapter three by every form of self-deception and experimentation we'll try to prove ourselves exceptions to the rule well I have now found that because of my disease by every form of self-deception and experimentation I will try to prove my self-exception to any rule because I knew when I was sitting here and I was pulling out all these microphones that I was the only one that you were looking at and I was right by every form of self-deception what I had managed to do was drink alcohol and do a lot of things over a period of 30 years until I got here and had that moment of clarity or watered down walked in and found you and then four months later had that moment of clarity and I could really understand what it was to be powerless over alcohol now this beautiful teacher that I talk about was such impact in my life taught me that if you work the steps for the purpose by which the steps are written for sobriety the related disorders that he talked about and I had a few of them and so did he he said the related disorders takes care of themselves and I found out that one of my related disorders is my wife and she's sitting here and much to my absolute amazement when I got sober she started taking care of herself and she got so much better it just mind-boggled me why you know sometimes I even admitted it to anybody on the podium that she teaches me things and I listen and that's a good thing to know when I work the steps for the purpose by which the steps are written for sobriety now I've been reading other books and I find that today I read a book and I found in a book that there's 200 12-step programs and that's a lot when you consider these 12-step programs are all taken from the flagship if you would that is Alcoholics Anonymous and that if you got everything up to and perhaps including a hagnail there's a 12-step program for you and I know that there are people that have a tendency to run around collecting 12-step programs like medals you know and you got so many 12-step programs at times it seems as if you might have a tendency to forget where you are and I think that's a good thing I am grateful that I know what you taught me and what you taught me that I deal with alcohol and that when I eliminate all my forms of deceptions and stay with the root cause of my problems that is dealing with alcohol and its recovery from it all of the related disorders then worked and still work today by every form of self-deception I'm saying that if you think or at least this is where I come from and I think that's a good thing I understand this to be true is that if there be 200 other 12-step programs and they all use the same principles that we are asked to practice on a daily basis and it solves 200 problems if I stay with my primary purpose my primary purpose being to stay sober and have other alcoholics achieve sobriety then good old cunning baffling and powerful does not have an opportunity to do the things that happen so many times to some of us who get a little more careless at least you know there's possibly the most painful thing that I have known in sobriety is the cry of the alcoholic that god awful scream of the alcoholic that rings in my ears and I trust it will never go away I certainly have heard it and I expect to hear it again and the scream that I talk about is that call I get from the drinking alcoholic who once was with us and they call to tell me whatever it is that they think they're going to tell me that night they tell me what a good time or what a lousy time they're having and they call to tell me sometimes they've even said they love me and I would tell them how much I miss them and I would say can I come get you and I would say no I've got things to do and then I would say oh how much I love you come on back and this anguish and this cry that I talk about that I want never to hear again but I know I will and they would say to me I can't and almost why I'd accept you to hang up there they say I can't and they hang up now I know and I've heard it said many times that this door in alcoholic's mind that swings by that this door in alcoholic's mind that swings by is both ways but I have been here long enough to know that's not true that sometimes it's locked now I don't know why it is but I know that it is I do not ever wish to be on the outside come strolling up to the door of alcoholic's anonymous as I did my first time with all the casual nonchalance expecting to find whatever I want to do whatever it is that I expect to find by walking in that room and find out the door is locked the theme of this meeting is this conference is well chosen we deal with alcohol cunning, baffling, and powerful we set a when we founded a group set in the United Life first of all the meeting was a relationship meeting we were going to fix all the marriages in Northern California and the catalyst of that particular subject got divorced and we figured that it wouldn't work very well doing that we then got together and because of resentment and the like we founded or started to and put together the actual group where we rented our present facility and put together as many meetings as we could with the limited personnel that we had as we started with seven and immediately started growing into that and we started to and as I was explaining before the meeting to a couple of people who were asking me some questions about Saturday Night Live and what we were trying to do at least that's my understanding what we were trying to do as we sit in my garage and trying to thrash out all the various meetings that we were going to put together we wanted to start and go back to the basics we lived out of the pamphlet the AA group we wanted to go back to as close as possible to the the basic stuff as close as possible to the we could get alcoholic slum as it was when we got here where it was founded so many years ago where they took all the drugs of society and some of them were people who did bad things and they let them in and they had to figure out sometimes when they came in they were so messed up they didn't even know who they were or what their real calling was or where their recovery was and what we were trying to do when we started studying our lab was to provide a forum where people could come in identify their problem find recovery in their problem to which a solution that has been taught and recorded in our big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and in the process of so doing we thought we could attract an awful lot of people an awful lot of new people young people and while we were doing that what we were really trying to do is prove that sobriety can be a celebration because I am totally convinced that in this business of living it is not to prepare myself for some climatic ascension or descension and I think that's I knew where I was going to go I always thought that and I do believe that sobriety is a celebration and that's one of the reasons why we do all of the things that we do at Saturday Night Live with our desire chips putting on conferences days of sobriety speakers meetings and doing all of these things is to prove that we can do crazy things and have a wonderful time doing it remembering always that we deal with alcohol because if we do forget we know what awaits us now I stand up I stand up here and as an opening day speaker I'm supposed to kick this thing off and I'm talking about celebration and I'm talking about the good things and I've been listening to myself and I'm so god damn depressed I can't stand it one of the things I'm going to tell a story about a guy about me and one of the things that I'm sure glad you can't fire me I'll tell you that one of the things that I was sober a while and it's the story of my wife told in that particular meeting and it shows you how cunning, baffling and powerful this is and how the disease is so strong and it can do people and cause them to do things that are strange and unusual now I have always loved my wife and she has always always loved me now there have been times when we didn't like each other very much but I have always known that I loved her I didn't know how to demonstrate that very well and she seemed to for some strange reason never approve of me when I had a drink in my hand she was a cold bitch I can say that because she's cool on the other side of the room I was in a she was speaking in a meeting and I was in a year or two sober because here I thought I had married a saint she was the only woman in the world the only person in the world I knew that didn't drink she seemed to always have her life in order and had me thoroughly convinced the only problem she had was me and sometimes the kids but she could handle them but I was an impossible task I was absolutely convinced she's never lied or done an evil thing except marrying me and she was the only person in the world I knew that didn't drink and she was standing up in this meeting and she was talking about her thing and then she said oh and she got this real funny grin on her face and she said do you know what I used to do then I said sitting here to myself I said it's about time that woman cracked and told the truth she said do you know what I used to do to him referring to me and I was interested because a lot of my I was interested because a lot of my point of luck is hearsay I wasn't there an awful lot I can remember from time to time swimming in my swimming pool with all my friends and my family could never see the guys I was swimming with but I had a wonderful time I could feel the radiation of the hate coming down from there hoping I was going to drown but I can remember that sort of stuff but I was sitting there anyway she said you know what I used to do she said my husband in his drinking career got off of CUNY and got sickly and he was inclined to having bronchitis a lot and when he'd drink and he'd pass out on the couch I'd turn up the lights open up all the doors and windows and turn the furnace off and go to sleep and then in the morning I'd get up and I'd turn the furnace on and close all the doors and windows and he'd wake up and he'd be all and he'd have to go to the hospital with pneumonia now as best I can understand by looking at all the medicines in my cabinet when I got sober I went to the hospital about four or five times a year for the last four years I was drinking now the reason she did that she claimed is the fact I didn't drink in the hospital now we're talking about cunning, baffling and powerful and we deal with alcohol this is a peculiar thing that this very righteous lady that I know because she said and besides who could have ever convicted me for murder by pneumonia now good Al-Anon who was affected by the disease of alcoholism and who loved me dearly was willing to kill to keep me from drinking and I'm having so much fun in here that I'm going to leave and I have done what it is that I'm supposed to do the topics because this is a speaker discussion meeting but I've done the thing that is necessary to do to open up this thing I would have loved to have done it a hell of a lot better than I did but it's too late and it's part of the wreckage of my past and if you would like to take my inventory come on up and do it but in the interim it is an open meeting we're going to have to have volunteers there are microphones here as I say the topic is we deal with alcoholism I will call on the first person just to get it started because we're a little reluctant to do that and I think it's only sitting right at this particular time I'd pick anybody out of the room but I'll pick the chairman the outgoing chairman of the group of Saturday Night Live so we can talk about dealing with alcoholism and then the meeting will be up to totally volunteers and now that I've warned him that he's going to speak I'll sit down thank you I'll turn it down as you can see I think I have a brother that's right around the corner and all the other people I'll talk to him but I have to talk to him so I'll just warn him if he's joining me that's what he's pleased on cheers I've learned to come in contact with myself and just the past couple of days I've come in contact with myself once again you see because my birth now I'm ready to blame myself working these steps I get in contact with myself and I get in contact with the feelings that have always been there but see I had to numb out because I didn't want to come in contact and it's been a good part of my life blaming everybody else everybody else it was the police you see it was the fact that I you know started off in a broken home it doesn't make any difference where I'm coming from and uh it's really nice to have a place to come in contact with myself so here in Kentucky a few short years ago I was able to carry on an easy conversation with a person right next to me I understand you and that's good I'm here with myself to protect my life start returning my life and I you know I get a little closer get out of my being so damn self-sufficient you see because my self-sufficiency inhibits my relationship with God I experience God too you know there's no theoretical religious trip you know I've had experience with uh theological summations and whatever you know it's something that I experience when I come into meetings with people I'm going to threaten you if you don't start speaking I'm going to have to do it all over again Pablo I'm the best me in the day that I've ever been and uh amazingly so folks that I'm just better now and seeing the a little flash went through my mind and I said that that guy on the next game no Pablo you're not out of it but see the fact you're there it doesn't matter it doesn't matter what you think about me see that's outside the issue that doesn't matter see I know I know that I'm the best me today that I've ever been I know that I'm doing the best that I can I know that I'm being of service I know that I'm a productive person in society I know that I'm showing up when I say I'm mature I know that I'm doing what I say I'm going to do and try to do what I say I'm going to do and I'm doing things that are productive I didn't have any of that. I had to tell her to lay down, get up, give me a purse I had to go buy, tell him to go get me some stuff, and I had to go to the store and give me a car, and get me a ticket, and all that stuff. And I didn't have a whole lot. I didn't know what I had. Today I know what I've got. Today I've got a 1981 960 I like to run in. I've got a room full of people that love me, may not like me, but love me, would help me if I asked for help. If I asked for help. I know you want to try to say help. Yeah, it's coming. It's just coming. Because see, today I am in the boat. Today I am in the boat of a life. Today I do my little bit, day by day, and I throw out the water so that we don't sink. Then I get up and I turn my will and my life over to the other guy and I do what's in front of me, one day at a time. And it's great. And it gets better every day. How good is it? How good is it? It's real good. What did I do today? I slept in until 7 o'clock. That's a good time. I got up and I shit-shaved and showered and helped my friends do some things on the computers. I went to where I work and helped somebody with some steps and some things that he wanted to do. I went over to his house. I went over to San Jose College, to the University, and I didn't steal help caps. I went to the bookstore. That's a big deal. And I spent $100 and bought some books that the state so lovingly gave me. Because I'm a disabled person and I need some help. And they're helping me because you people taught me that I could go and ask for help and get that. So I'm a student at San Jose State and I'm doing good. I'm passing. It's real good. I don't know where I want to be when I'm a big day, but I think I want to stay connected with it. I want to take care of some business and I can't move in here. And I'm with you people. I mean, if Judgment Day was in four minutes, all I could tell God was, Thank you for overpaying me. And the book talks about being happy, joyous, and free on 133. And I'm that today. You know, I'm that today because today I know what I want to do. I know where I want to be when I grow up. And I know who I want to be with. I want to be with you. You know, I don't care what you think about you. You're okay. We're all kids of God and God doesn't make junk. If you think you're junk, you ought to get rid of that negative thinking and fill it with positive. Because you're okay. You're sober. You're sober. You're in a room with other people and you're not throwing ashtrays or glasses and you're not fighting. And you're listening to me and I'm listening to you. You're listening to me. You're listening to me. And it's okay. And hang on to your ass because see, your best day has not happened yet. Sorry. My day has not happened yet. Okay? My best day has not happened yet. And as tomorrow is going to be anything like it is today, it's going to feel good. It's going to feel real good. Yes, you made the cancel check. Tomorrow the promissory note and today is cash money. Spend the money. It's alright to have a direction, so in 1990 I want to be in Seattle, I want to be in Seattle, hanging around, but today I have to live in the day so I don't want to get hit by a bus. So I got to keep it simple, work these principles in all my affairs, and be of maximum service to my fellow man and woman, boys and boys, girls and girls, we'll talk about that. And it's okay today, and don't shortchange yourself. Get in the boat, do what you got to do, and let's keep going on. Thank you. Volunteer me, but you don't move past us. Hi, my name is John, and I'm an alcoholic. Listening to John talk about eight years ago, I was an alcoholic. So far, 11 years, and he's an older brother. He was always... Always the one, the big brother. I can remember the disappointment I faced with him every day that I saw him myself. I can remember when Uncle Charles would come, and he doesn't have much. You could hear him coming in the door, and he'd just be so goddamn happy. Just nobody could be that happy now. So I was able to hide my drinking for the weekend while he was there, but it got to the point where I would hide in the bedroom. It's when Uncle Charles gets here, whatever you do, goddammit, don't let him in my bedroom. He also was very funny. Nine, seven, or eight years, whatever it was, I can't remember myself. The weekend he was here, we went out to a party in my life, and we had been drinking, and we got home that night. Charles disappeared, and my wife and I, the court system. And in the morning, I turned to my brother, and I support knowing that he had always supported me in the past, and asked him to be honest and tell me whose fault it was, because obviously my life was in trouble. He just looked at me, and he was sitting in the easy chair, and I'll never forget, he just looked at me, and the light came on. The minute he said it, I knew he was right. It was the... It was the right time for me to leave. It was the right time for me to surrender, that I had a problem with alcoholism. I came back, got myself a sponsor, and I got a sponsor that I wanted. And I've been working the steps on the chip last week. And the friends that I've made in this program, and I would just like to say that I don't know everybody here. Some of it was basketball, and as outgoing as others. I made myself known. I just want to thank here, and the people that are not here, that have given me this last nine months. They haven't been easy. Fairly serious advice, though, ever. I just appreciate the people, and I love you, and I thank you for accepting me. Well, I'm slimming up. I'll review my plan of the other night. I don't know if anybody's heard it, but that's it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. to the alcoholic who still suffers. There's certainly been a raging controversy for the last several years about, you know, drugs and alcohol. You know, I'm a drug addict. I did a lot of drugs for a long time, but for a year before I was convinced that I was an alcoholic, you know, I was convinced. You know, there was no doubt in my mind that I had a drug problem. And when I first came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I introduced myself as an alcoholic and an addict. And I finally realized after a period of time that what I was doing was I was making myself different than other people, that I was separating myself from the group as a whole. And it encouraged me to have one point. There are a lot of different kinds of problems that society has with all kinds of people. You know, we don't have an answer to everybody's problem. We can't without the healers, the doctors, the problem solvers, you know, every, you know, every problem will walk through the door. We can say that we have, you know, a solution to alcoholism. Alcoholism is drug addiction, not the exact same thing. You know, anybody that does heroin will become a heroin addict. You know, but not everybody that drinks is an alcoholic. I had to believe that. You know, I'm not here to convince anybody of anything. I'm a very opinionated person, but Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. You know, I tried to go to another fellowship, and the answers weren't there for me. And Alcoholics Anonymous has what I need, not just what I want. The people here certainly have what I want. But you have, like me, the solutions to alcoholism, the fair amount that we're out of. I never had a purpose in my life that had absolutely no meaning. I was just wandering aimlessly and headed nowhere. And I got here, and I found that there was a solution. And that's what they say. You know, they carry a message that we have a solution to alcoholism. And there are certainly people around on Saturday Night Live and other AMEs with other problems. I've tried to help certain people with mental disorders and other kinds of things. You know, I can't, I'm not a miracle worker, but what I can say is that, you know, this is what I did. What I did was go through 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. If someone says that they're more of a drug addict than an alcoholic, well, I can't help them. We deal with, you know, alcohol. That's what unites the people here. You know, I can see other people that are drinking, you know, and going to a bar, and I don't feel connected with those people just because they're drinking. You know, but I come here, and I feel connected that we all used to drink, but more importantly, that we're attempting, and many people really are achieving this life, you know. They're really practicing these principles, and they are working their way of life. It's a real privilege for me to just be a part of it, and just see wonderful people, and to get to know them, and be able to have them in my life. So, I tell you what, I'll just come back with that action. Thanks a lot. Yeah, it's great to see you. I'm not an alcoholic. Welcome to another beautiful day in paradise. This is my story. I can tell you when I like it. Oh, I thought we were discussing, when I showed you the opportunity to do a new cover nine times here, and live. For some reason, I don't know why I'm a little pissed about it, is that I just kept showing up here, but I just didn't jive, you know. I guess you were supposed to be eighth or second, and I said something like, I can't be eighth. I'm fucked up. Psycho. And stayed that way. And, you know, you guys love me back in the life. But I couldn't get the don't drink part. I couldn't get that. I kept coming back here, you know. And you guys never ran me off, and you never created rules or regulations that would omit me from having this thing. I'm an alcoholic. I'm through the door of alcoholics now, and this is supposed to be like, or what they ought or should do. I've been dead. They showed me the way out. They didn't tell me what to do. They showed me. They said, this is what we're doing. And if you would like to have some relief from this illness, you can do this also. But you don't have to do nothing. There's a few things happening. This is a great line here. We've been doing it a good few years before, and they've been doing it about a year. I said, shit. You guys didn't run me off. It's been an experience, five centuries. What's that about? The impact, because you know, like it or not, they said, at our conference this year, they said that we kind of guess that we're about, there's about, 1,746,000. And you know, that's like 1,746,000 people that ain't going to jail or dying or going insane or abusing their families or destroying. You know, lots of people that are really doing something every day to change their life. And I know that's had a profound impact. I'm really grateful to be a part of that, that we deal with alcohol. It took me five weeks to see you, sir. Literally. And if you can't remember how you felt when you got here, I'm really grateful to be a part of that, that we deal with alcohol. It took me five weeks to see you, that you're here. It took me five weeks to see you, that you're here. And you know, it took me five weeks to see you, that you're here. It took me five weeks to see you, that you're here. And you know, you can tell me, you know, on my hand, I need to pray and I don't do it. I'm driving down my, driving down the road in the truck at work. I deal with it twenty minutes and then I'm here and sober. I quit drinking seven and a half years after walking. Dope for alcohol. Lots of people tell me that this book. I've been institutionalized, locked up, jumped down, kicked out, beat up. I've been down a little bit, I don't know. It's difficult for me to share and deal with people that I see myself in. You got a piece within you and you're honest. When I get out of line, you're in my comfort zone. I appreciate that. You told me that I'm not perfect, visually, whatever. I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you very much. I think maybe you need to grow again. Care to talk to me this close to the stank meeting? Can I just pray that I'm not a father? I'm just a sister, and I just want to let you know. So, you know, God bless you and I, and I'll see you in a moment. And I don't think that I would have got sober if I didn't see that there was life under strife, you know, that people can have fun. And this convention is just, it's just really important to me to go out to events where there's going to be so much fellowship. You know, a lot of people are staying at the hotel, and I'm sure there will be, like, you know, meetings and parties in the rooms and stuff like that. It's just, it's just awesome to me that, you know, a meeting that started, like, eight years ago, you know, with seven people on this parent's committee has, you know, over 30 meetings a week, and you see so many alcoholics come through. And some of them don't get it in seven years, you know, but I see that the spirit of alcoholism and autism, and the reaching out your hand, and whenever someone anywhere asks for help, I am responsible. You know, I feel that most of the, most of the time outside, you know, like, you already, you know, own that life. And I don't know if it's like, I'm migrating to have a wonderful, fabulous weekend, and I know it's going to be a lot of fun. And, you know, I've been sober for two months today before yesterday, and, you know, I've heard shots of Ritz at the end of the day. And to be, to be a part of a community that's the best thing that can happen is just, it's just awesome to me. And, and I hope that you guys will have an excellent weekend. Joe? I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. The thing is, eventually it's been something I'm like, yeah, before they, I just started recently working in a place and some instructing and as part of the classes we have is in individuals the, the requirements that if you, you need to be on calls an athlete. And the people who are not identified with those kinds of online activities, but this program has been a great exposure to our program is for that. a good idea for me and uh it's really giving me a whole new perspective on uh our meetings and what i found myself doing what kind of a message they'll be giving from the podium to people like this people that who are completely new to alcohol and synonymous who may or may not have a problem with alcohol and uh it's really focused my attention on them on that on that message and one message and uh becoming convinced of the importance of uh and uh it was so important that he's currently talking about this to understand that um my wife i couldn't imagine like alcohol and without it and uh through through the uh fellowship of uh saturday night i became a secret to me sobriety is the celebration and i've had a lot of fun and it was absolutely i'm in the afternoon and i would uh enjoy life i never enjoyed life my concerns you know they all appear and uh there's things to continue doing and by by about nine months of sobriety and uh might not happen anymore this program is miraculous and i uh , i'm in the afternoon about this conversation i'm really heartily informed the changes we deal with alcohol and uh you know i'm not scrying it's like i feel better about who i am other the direction i'm walking i've been able to do a lot more damage my career lost all these servants uh um And I have to remember my priority, the only one who's surviving, because of that man, I can't do anything. I have what I can't do. So, welcome to everybody. I'm sure that I have a great time. I'm going to leave. First, if you noted on our schedule, this is the first annual, meaning that you are sitting here and you're making history. What we are doing has never been done before, and that seems to be the way it is in sobriety for me. Unknowing, I dealt with alcohol by capital. Coming to my first meeting, I have a sponsor that likes to turn things around, and he says that you will either deal with alcohol or it will deal with you. And if that be true, and I believe it is, because alcohol certainly dealt me a hand, if I do not deal with alcohol, will it leave me alone? The history of the ages seem to be, no, that's not true. We have started something here that I constantly... think of, and I think those of you who are sitting here might think of it too. Because, first of all, we all came here and dealt with alcohol. There is, I doubt, seriously, anyone in this room who could not tell me, truthfully, they've never had it so good. And it's getting better. You are participating in something that is going to get better, and so is this conference. One of the things that... that is important for me to remind myself, and I remind myself of it constantly, because we all participate in it. We all participate in it. It says, in the... It says, see to it that your relationship with him is right, and great events will come to pass for you, and countless others. Are we not all sitting here and have the same opportunity to watch our own rebirth as well as the birth of a... this convention? Can you not be filled with and inspired as we go on and do other things to add to the celebration of recovery? I think so, provided that we always remember that we deal with alcohol. Because this is the only good life I have ever known, and the only easy life that has ever been mine. And life is a celebration, and I... I join with you in celebrating. This convention. Thank you.