Step 5 Was Not Half-Assed to Get Rid of the Garbage – 1968 – Wesley P.

Hi everybody Now I've come 1,500 miles to pour my soul out to you And you say, hi Wesley Hi everybody It's better now for you at home You know this has been a wonderful convention and you've had some people here that I could have some very unpleasant things to say to or about. Every speaker's been at this platform has made it tougher and tougher and tougher. How would y'all like to be in my place this morning? Huh? No? Well, I want to... I always have a couple little stories I like to tell for kind of my trademark because regardless of what you've heard here this weekend, and this is true. There's, if there's any alcoholics hearing my voice this morning, there's one or two that's doubting Thomas' that are still very pessimistic about this program. And I want to tell them a story about a man that had two sons. One son was very optimistic and the other son was very pessimist. And so he became extremely worried about these two young men, so he decided he would carry him to a psychiatrist. So he carried him to the doctor, and the doctor talked to him, and he could get nowhere with the two kids together, so she decided he was separating them. So he took one of the kids into a room, the pessimistic one. He carried him into a room with a bunch of beautiful toys and said, Son, I'm going to leave you here for a few minutes, about an hour, and says, I am coming back, and I want to talk to you. He took the optimistic one into a room, and in this room he had just a big box of horse manure. And he says, son, I'm going to leave you here for about an hour, and I'll be back. I want to talk to you. So he left. And now we went back to see the pessimistic one, and he hadn't touched a toy. And He said, son what's the trouble? The little boy says, you've got me in here to analyze me, and i just don't like to be analyzed. And says, I start playing with these toys, and you take me away from them. And says I'm just not going to start playing them. I don't want anything to do with them. And the man says, well, that's fine, son. He went next door to see the little optimistic one and he was down on his knees digging in this horse manure and throwing it all over the room. And he says, son, what are you doing? And the little boy looked up at him and says, well, with this much horse manure around, there's got to be a pony somewhere in this box. So you that are, who still are pessimistic, if you think that what you've heard and seen here this weekend has been a bunch of horse manure, well, we just ask you to come along with us for about 30 days and just go along with us and try our way of life. And I'm quite sure that things will happen to you beyond your fondest dreams. And if it doesn't happen to your satisfaction, we'll let you go right back to your misery all over again. Fair enough? I know there's just one or two of that type. And you know, we have such beautiful rhododendrons in Texas and I'm so deeply grateful for all you beautiful rhododendrons. You get me all excited, you aggravate my disease. How do you like that one Bob? Well anyway, sometimes when I came to AA my diction wasn't too good and I've cleaned it up a little bit. I was something like harry truman uh harry was out in his yard fertilizing his roses one afternoon and and eleanor roosevelt rode up to the house and best come out the door and greeted eleanor and harry went over and said hello eleanor none uh harris says eleanor uh best you take eleanor on in the house as soon as i get through putting the manure on my roses i'll be right in so best took eleanor in thehouse and the first thing eleanor said to best says best why don't you get Harry to save fertilizer? And Bess looked at her and said, well, as you know, it's took me 30 years to get him to save manure. So if I say something along my talk, I want you to, I want to, you to excuse me for the simple reason all I'm trying to do is get the point over. Get the point. Get the part over. This is important. Is to get the part over. And sometimes When we're talking to alcoholics, there's just certain words you can use to get the point over, and that's all it's got. Well, I'm just an ordinary common variety drunk from Florida. I've had the privilege of living this program since November 13, 1947. I came into Alcoholics Anonymous at age 34, and November the 13th of this year, I will become of age. I will get physically sober, I'll be 21 years in this program. And I want you to know that I am responsible to carry the message of the AA program, and to tell you young people and all members of Alcoholics Anonymous that this program will work and will give you things beyond your fondest dreams if you apply the program to the best of your ability one day at a time. This I know because, you see, I have had the time, I've had the time through the grace of God. And I want to emphasize that word grace because it means an unearned favor. Nothing that I have ever done in my life did I deserve the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, because when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous I was fully qualified to be a member of Alcoholic Anonymous. I was a derelict of society. I had no other place to go. i was a bankrupt individual morally physically financially and spiritually and through the grace of god i found you one sunday afternoon i was sitting in my front yard it was approximately november the 9th or 47 my wife and i was сидding there and i was trying to say a few words to her of comfort because i was half stiff and she had said some words was uncomfortable to me. We had lost the complete art of communication. We were perfect strangers living on one roof. There was no love. I lived in a house. And a man came next door to see a neighbor, and the neighbor wasn't at home, so he was a casual acquaintance, and so he stopped by just to say hello to Rena and I. And I had lost all reason of being sociable, and I knew nothing else to say to the man when he'd come up to me in my front yard except one thing. It was a selfish statement because I wanted one myself. What did I say? Would you like to have a drink? You see, I could have a drank without Rena criticizing me on Sunday afternoon. And he says, no, I don't drink anymore. I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And this is the first time in my life I had ever heard of the word anonymous, and this is The First Time in My Life I Had Ever Heard of the Word Alcoholic. And he had been sober about four months, and he was riding on that pink cloud, and he had to tell somebody about this AA program. So he sat in my front yard for three hours telling Rena and I about AA. I'd run upstairs and get a drink to keep on the glow and come back down. he'd still be talking. Rena would take over the conversation and he'd talk and rest him for a while then he'd take right up again and go. And so finally he left. Well you see I'm the type of drunk that got drunk every day of my life. I'd wake up in the morning with the dry heaves hooping and hollering I'd look in the mirror and I'd say Wesley if you take a drink that day I hope God strikes you dead. You see, I was living to drink and drinking to live. The only thing I knew to do to survive that one day was to go down and get out that half a pint that I'd hid the night before and start my day. I knew no other way to live I had lost the complete art of living and so I got drunk Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and Wednesday night I went to see Jim And I said, Jim, can I go to an AA meeting with you? And he says, you can go tomorrow night if you're sober. Now through the grace of God, I went home this Wednesday night and I went to bed and Thursday morning I got up and I didn't take a drink. And through the grâce of God the only mistake that I have made in Alcoholics Anonymous us, rehabilitating myself and re-educating myself back into the art of living. The only mistake that I have made since that time is that I haven't taken a drink. I have make every other mistake in living that you could possibly make. But you see, God has given us a program of living, of breathing living, of loving living that we can use and apply it in every situation of life that we might come into. But you see, it's up to you and I as individuals according to our mental attitude is how do we accept things in our everyday living? How do we conduct our mental attitudes? I have never seen a time since I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, when a stepping stone got in my way that I couldn't make a stepping stone out of it. It's just according to my mental attitude, me, me. And through this application, a little progress day by day, I've enjoyed the fruits of this program and this program will give you everything beyond your fondest dreams. i went to my first meeting with jim and i liked what i saw and the first thing i heard was this man got up and said it's just like coming up to a railroad crossing it says three things it says stop look and listen stop drinking look around and see what this program is doing for other people and sit and listen we say in florida that god gives you two ears and one mouth if he expects you to talk more than to listen, he would have given you two mouths and one ear. It's pretty good. Just sit and listen as to what this is all about. Well, you know, it took two sponsors for me. Many things happened in a couple of weeks. They started taking me up and down the Gold Coast to Florida, and I enjoyed what I saw. and i stayed sober i didn't take a drink one day at a time and then i met this other man his name was chris and god bless chris he's the greatest man i ever knew jim let me tell you about jim now my first sponsor i'm my sponsor's sponsor today jim stayed sober a little while and then he he got off the pink cloud and then she came back and today i'm her sponsor's sponsor. These are strange things in Alcoholics Anonymous. But Chris is my real sponsor, what I call my real supporter because Chris took a fondness to me. He gave me love of understanding. He had sons about my age and he spent a lot of time with me telling me about this program. And he taught me one thing and I want to pass it on to you. And regardless of how long you're sober, this is the most important thing that I know that I can leave with you. And Chris instilled this into me day in and day out. He says, Wesley, you've got to make staying sober your biggest business. It's got to come before your family. It's gotta come before your job or business and it's got to come before society because you're an alcoholic. You have an incurable disease called alcoholism. You can never cure it but you can arrest it by not partaking of alcohol and so therefore you've got to make it your biggest business because without your sobriety you have no family without your sober righty you have no job or business and without you being sober society wants nothing to do with you and i had to buy this and it's not an alcoholic in this room that doesn't but if he's qualified to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Yes, this is so true. And things went along and everything went along fine and I took Chris and what Chris told me I believed. Chris caught me down in a bar one day playing knock-rumming. He said, what are you doing in there? I said, I'm playing knock rumming, enjoying a little social activity. he says have you thought this thing out he says you better change your environment he says I'm not taking your inventory I'm just telling you something Wesley for your benefit he said he says you better change your environment if you have any spare time which I doubt whether you have in your financial conditions or such as they are if you have any spare time you had better start associating with members of Alcoholics anonymous, those who are trying to do the same thing that you're trying to do. He says, you have no time to play knock, rum, and a barge. He says in any way, he says, somebody might slip you a Mickey Finn in there. And he says you're going to get something happen to you and then you're going to blame it on them. And he said it's not going to be their fault at all. It's going to been your fault because you had no business there. I had to buy this. He says, you've got an incurable disease And you know, this was just like putting a knife right in my heart Because here I was 34 years ago And he was taking away the dearest thing in life to me That was soft music, Mellow Lights and Chanel No. 5 He said, you can't have this no more What was I going to live for? That Chris is the greatest man I ever knew But he taught me And you know We kept going up and down the Gold Coast And I'd go home I wouldn't say a word to Rena You know, I'm a great believer In this program as a family disease But I had to learn it the hard way Bless you, Father Fred For what you said last night I'm so interested in Al-Anon today and our team. You know, I want to tell you my experience because I came into AA before Al-A-Nan and Rena and I, what we know today, we had to learn the hard way. I came home one afternoon about four months and I had never said one word to Rena about alcoholism. I had ever said anything to her about the AA program. Only thing, she knew that I was riding up and down the Gold Coast of Florida every night. She was home babysitting, and she knew nothing what I was doing except I was sober. And I wasn't going to tell her anything about it either. So she come up to me one night, and he says, Wesley, I'm awful proud of you. And I says, You're proud of me of what? She says, you've been sober four months. I said, Let me tell you something. That's my damn business, and you keep your nose out of it. I meant this. I meant it. But, you know, a very unusual thing happened. I started looking at Rena. And I says, my, here I am riding up and down here doing things, going to AA meetings, improving my way of life, having my fellow man be an example in this, that, and the other this program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and what is she doing? She is doing nothing. She hasn't improved one iota in the last six months. She is the same woman. I should start this 12 steps in my home. This is just what she needs. And so for the next two years, I practiced the 12 steps in my home with a demand that she use the 12 steps in her everyday living. She was a wonderful woman, and she still is. Why, she would go with me to these AA meetings and I'd start home and I tell her all about what the AA mom was meant when they said this and said that. I was trying to explain the program of Alcoholics Anonymous to her. This poor derelict of society. And, you know, she was good enough to take it. And when I would get home, or when I'd come home at night, she would do anything in the world to make me comfortable. Because I was a type of drunk, if she did something to make me uncomfortable, I would remind her that I was a sick man, I had a disease, and for her not to aggravate it. I never knew y'all had that trouble in Texas. Never did I think that. Well, you know, this can go on for just so long. So once, this was sometime later, I came home and Rena was crying. And I said, what's wrong with you? She says, I got palpitations of the heart. And I got down there and listened. I said Rena, it's not but one thing wrong. Do you don't live the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous? If you would leave these 12 steps to your best of your ability, you wouldn't have palpitations at all. Well, this went on for three weeks. So finally we took her to the hospital and she went down and she got x-rays and went through the formalities of a complete physical examination and the doctor could find nothing wrong with her. So he says, let's go out in the grass and sit on the grass and talk a little while. So he took her outside underneath the palm trees on the grass and says, now what's your trouble? And she told him about me. And he said, well, I'm going to send you home this afternoon and says I want to prescribe one thing to you for you and says I want you to take it home with you. Says I'm not going to put it in writing, I'm just going to tell you. He says, when you go home this afternoon and when you feel like giving your old man hell, give him hell. Now she's fulfilled that prescription a jillion times since then. God bless her. She certainly has. Rena and I are just as different as daylight and dark. But you know, this was the greatest man, I wasn't the second greatest man I ever knew, this doctor. Because you know he changed my house to a home. he changed my house to a home. Because Rena and I have learned to communicate. Now, this communication sometimes might be very strange to some people. But we have learned to give each other the right to their opinions. And you see, this will change a house into a home up to this time she had no opinion. I was the boss I was the king of the castle but today if you would hear us talk sometimes you you would think that well it just couldn't last just couldn't last but after we say what we're going to say then it's love and kisses and Rena and I have been married over 30 years since 1936 we've reared a family and educated our family. And today we love each other more than the day that we came, that we were married. We understand each other because we have learned to communicate and we are happy together. I wish she were here. She's a wonderful person. So you see, I know AA as a way of life is for the whole family, just not for me. I like talking about my kids because my kids were affected, too. My kids never had the opportunity to go to Alateen, no. But through the application of this program in our home, my kids finally started loving their father. I've had the experience of sitting at my table for five years and for my kids to ask their mother a question so she could ask me the question so I could answer her so she could tell them, because my children had no use for me whatsoever. They detested me. I wouldn't say they hated me, but they would not come ask their father for a nickel, a dime, or whether they could go someplace to do this or do that. Uh-uh. They didn't have that much respect for me. They would go to their mother. But through the daily application of the AA program and accepting this as something that, a penalty that I had to pay because I was an alcoholic. The tide turned. And today my kids love me as much as they love their mother. I like to tell these two little experiences just to illustrate the dividends of Alcoholics Anonymous and family ties. My daughter was going to Stevens University over in Columbia, Missouri. It a very fashionable, I think, finishing school for girls. And they were sitting around in this parlor one night talking about alcohol. And one of the girls spoke up and says, Tish, you seem to be an authority on alcohol. Why do you know so much about it? And Tish throwed her chest out and says my daddy is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And she broke up the party. She broke up departing. She went upstairs with her roommate, and her roommate says, Tish, you shouldn't have said that about your daddy. And Tish says, well, so what? Says my daddy's a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And the girl says, Well, my daddy is too, but I don't run around telling people about it. And she says, Is your daddy sober? She says, No, he's had trouble with the program. And Tis says, You know, if you might not be ashamed of it and go to some AA meetings with your daddy and become part of it, he might maintain his sobriety. Had you ever thought about that? My kids had just as well tell a person that I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous as I'm members of the Methodist Church. They are synonymous because they know what AA has done for them. It has given my house, turned their house into a home. My son was out in El Paso, Texas in the Army. I love to tell this one. And I've got proof in my pockets on this one." And one night he called me and he said, Daddy, I just had a son. And we talked about the mother and this, that, and the other. And just before I was going to hang up the phone, I says, What you gonna name the boy? he says, A. Wesley Parrish III. Isn't this something? This is something. This is the dividend of AA. I've had the time to see these things happen in my own life. But they wasn't always that way. You know, when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I was in a state of bondage. I was a slave to alcohol. I lived to drink and I drank to live. And when I came to, went to see Jim, I guess I just got sick and tired of being sick and tried. And so, actually, when I came to AA, I'd say this after the first year I was in AA, I never had a drinking problem on account of sponsorship, but I had a living problem and I had tremendous living problems. I paid very little attention to this power greater than myself. And I was full of fear and frustration. I had a football in my stomach that was inflated, and it just seemed like it wanted to pop out every day that I lived, every hour that I live, every minute that I left, every second I lived. It just kept getting bigger and bigger and tighter and tighter. And I had these little fears inside of me that were so immature, I thought to me, that wouldn't release, that I wouldn't go and talk to no one about. And I carried these things around and they were defeating the very same thing that I was trying to acquire in Alcoholics Anonymous. They were robbing me. I couldn't release it. I saw a woman week in and week out that had the most radiant look in her face. And I wondered how she got this radiation, and I wondered it so bad because it just seemed like goodness was coming out of her. And decided I'd go out and sit down and talk to that lady. And went out to see her and I rang the bell and she come to the door and she says, Wesley, I'm baking a cake. Come on in and sit down in the living room and I'll be right out. So I went and sat in the living room and I sit in a rocking chair and I laid back my eyes went on the wall and there was a picture now I don't know whether this this is not a spiritual awakening or a hot flash of this that never this is something that just happened and this picture was a sailor standing at a wheel of a ship and this young man was just as comfortable as he could be and all around him was a great rough sea just pillars of water coming from every which way and you know this boy didn't have a trace of fear in his face and i had wrote out three typhoons in the china seas and i knew this young man should be full of fear but he had no fear because the artist had painted right behind him, the Prince of Peace. And he had his hand on his shoulder. And I said to myself, that boy has got a friend. And as I sit in this chair, I started thinking about when I came into AA, I didn't have one friend. I started to think about John and Jim and Chris and Joe, and Bud, and all of the different AA members that I had as friends today, this one day, that I hade cultivated in AA. And I said, how did I make these friends? And the word communication came to me. I communicated with them. I talked with them, I expressed my ideas to them, and they expressed their ideas to me, and through these understandings of these ideas and these different philosophies, we sealed the bond of friendship. And I said to myself, this young man has done the same thing with the Prince of Peace. He has communicated, and he has a friend. And I didn't mention nothing else to this woman because I realized that I couldn't stand over in one corner and some sat over in another corner and just look at each other and get a friendship this I couldn't do you see my trouble was I was all alone and I had no place to turn and this was breeding this fear within me and so what happened was that I went back to my place of business and I was driving a little town delivery truck with one bucket seat in it and I got me a wooden box the size of this podium and I sit it in this little wooden box this little wooden box and this little truck and as I rode around to my jobs I was an electoral contractor I would talk to the Prince of Peace just like I'm talking to you. I was communicating I was developing a friendship with the God of my understanding. I called him the Prince of Peace because I was searching for peace peace within myself and his acquaintance and this friendship started to gel Well, do you know what happened? The football started to deflate. And after a period of time, I had no fear because faith had replaced the fear because AAS taught me that faith is the absence of fear and fear is the absent of faith. Any time that I feel that football today, I know my trouble. I just haven't looked up. I have forgot about the Prince of Peace, God of my understanding. And you know, as soon as this happened, I made a decision to turn my life and my will over the care of God, as I understood it, because I was ready. You have to have faith to get rid of the fear. And how many AA members have I seen in Alcoholics Anonymous that seemed to not know how and could see no reason for the importance of this power greater than ourselves, which we call God in that age. To me, this is a realistic thing. It's to get me away from just being alone. To get rid of the fear, the inward fears and inward things that I have that I am not going to talk over with nobody but God as I understand it. And through these, getting rid of this fear, I got courage because Webster says courage is without fear. I got the courage to take the fourth step of Alcoholics Anonymous to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. To look at Wesley Parrish in reality. To lay him out on a table and bisect him down the middle, open up and look without turning my head. For the first time in my life, pretending there'd be something that I wasn't. I did that for year in and year out. For a lifetime. pretending to be something that I wasn't. But through faith, I got the courage to look at Wesley Parrish. And I've never heard but one man in my life put into words what I saw when I diagnosed my case. And he was Howard Benhoff of Cleveland, Ohio. God bless his soul, he's dead now. A tremendous AA. And Howard said when he took the fourth step of Alcoholics Anonymous, Thomas, he found that he had gangrene of the soul. And I know no other way to put it. Gangrene of the Soul. But you know, the great thing about it was that I became willing to doctor the disease. Physician, heal thyself. I realized that if I wanted to get rid of this disease But I had to do something about it. And so I decided that I had to change Wesley Parish. I had to rebuild and remake a complete new person. I had to get rid of the old and start with the new. And this is where I came into a new way of life. In Christian faith, I would assume in any church in any denomination they would say, to be reborn again. I don't know whether this is true or false. But I found out if I wanted to be happy, I had to change what's different. That I couldn't put new wine in old skins, I have to put new wine in new skins. And I had do something else too. I had go the fifth step and admit to God, to myself, and to another human being be exact. Now that word is very strong, exact. It doesn't say to be half-assed about it, I never knew y'all had that trouble in Texas. See, you've got to get rid of the garbage. And what a relief. Because when you get rid of this, then you start working on your character defects and your shortcomings. You know, I stayed in AA for 12 years and didn't know the difference between a character defect and a shortcoming. And finally one day, a man who'd been in AA just a short time got up and said that he realized the difference in a short coming and a character defects. He said a character defect was a sin of commission, not doing the things that he knows that he should do. And a short-coming was a sense of omission, not going to things that you knew that he good do. They're just opposite. But Lord, how many times, how many years have I spent just learning this little thing? Now I have a, I have something I can divide my character defects and my shortcomings. It makes me a freer man. You see, from courage I got freedom. Freedom of oneself. I got free of that old Wesley Parrish. This thinking, thinking, this This alcoholic thinking, this drinking thinking which is stinking thinking. I'm the only one that can do it. If you're having this trouble when you leave here, you are the only one who can do this. You are the one. I am the one that has to make my destiny. You are the one who has to have your destiny. They have given us a set of tools to build. I was watching them tear a building down, a gang of men in a busy town. Realize the difference between a shortcoming and a character defect. He said a character defects was a sin of commission. Not doing the things that he knows that he should do. And a shortcommon was a son of omission, not doing the thing that he knew that he would do. He knew that they were just opposite. But Lord, how many years have I spent just learning this little thing? Now, I have something I can divide my character defects and my shortcomings. It makes me a freer man. You see, from courage I got freedom. Freedom of oneself. I got free of that old Wesley Parrish. This stinking thinking, this alcoholic thinking, this drinking thinking which is stinking thinkin'. I'm the only one that can do it. If you are having this trouble when you leave here, you are the only one that can do it. You are the one. I am the one that has to make my destiny. You are one that have to make your destiny. They have give us a set of tools to build. I was watching them tear a building down, a gang of men in a busy town. With a hee-ho, heave and a lusty yell, they swung a beam and the sidewalk fell. I asked the foreman, are these men skilled? Are these the type of men that you would hire to build? And he just laughed and said, no, indeed. Common labor is all I need. Well, I can tear down in a day or two what it took builders years to do. And I thought as I went along my way, which of these plans have I tried to play? Am I a builder who works with care, laying my life out to a well-laid plan, patiently doing the best I can? or am I a wrecker that walks the town content with the labor of tearing it down? You see, we have 12 steps in Alcoholics Anonymous. They are building steps. These are tools that we have to use to get away from the stinking alcoholic thinking because it ain't our drinking that's stinking, it's our thinking. And this is what this alcoholics program is all the way about Is for you and I as individuals, as alcoholics To find a way to live and be happy without alcohol And there's no man can be happy that has stinking thinking So you see it goes right to us as individuals No more, no less I am responsible here You are responsible there This is it Happiness is something that you can't buy in the grocery store. It's something that can't be bought in the drugstore. It ain't for sale. It's not for sale, and it's the most precious thing that a man has. It's more precious than diamonds and gold. And if you're going to find diamonds and go, you've got to dig for them. And if your gonna find happiness, you gotta dig for it too. You gotta dig. is a program of action, and you've got to keep it into action regardless. I say that I've been sober 21 years. You'd say, well, hell, he's been sober enough now where he can take a holiday from AA. You could be no further wrong. I need the program of Alcoholics Anonymous more than a day that I didn't need it the day I came into AA. And you might say, why? Because when I came to AA, Today I had nothing to lose. I was qualified to be a member. I had nothin'. Today I have everything to lose—I have my self-respect, I have the love of my family, I have thousands of friends throughout the world, I am a successful business, I'm respected in my community that I went down in and came back up in. I have all of that to lose, or I can take a holiday for my age. I'm still an alcoholic. It ain't my drinking that's stinking, it's my thinking. And this is a program of progress, not perfection. And the laws of nature provide that you either go forward or you go backwards. There is no such thing as standing still, regardless of how long you live. You say, well this is a long time But no, we don't say that We say in AA that we'll do it one day at a time And this is why we can survive it One day at the time This program will give you things beyond your fondest dreams It will give me the ability to live It will also give you the abundance of living The abundance of life comes in two ways It comes in the spiritual abundance And it comes in material abundance because when you become a free man, when you becomes a woman and you become willing to change yourself, you become in tune with the world and the world has already been in tune with you. And they accept you as an individual and the abundance of this program just starts rolling into you and success is there. You see, if there's one person in the world that should know what success is, it is an alcoholic because he has been a failure so he should know what success is. And from this abundance, you get the material abundance of this life. You show me a member that's come to AA and I'll show you and practice this program for any length of time and I will show you a man that has abundance of the earth. But you know, this is a very critical time when you get into the abundance of his program. It's because you see you are in the apex of it. You're getting the full fruits of the program. And you've got to keep on top, and you've got to keeps this thing balanced. The material things are important and the spiritual things are important if you want to be happy. Yes, I say it takes both. But you see, I'm a human being, and I am subject to human error. And what happens? The first thing you know, the material things become more important than the spiritual things, and then I start getting selfish. Up to this time, I was a selfless person. Now I become selfish. I decide, well, I'll go out here tonight and make that little extra dividend and I'll do it again. And I'll be able to A.A. tomorrow night. Well, something happens tomorrow night that I go out and make some more dividends. And I become selfless about my time and about me going to Alcoholics Anonymous and there I go into a state of complacency. I start getting a quiet pleasure inside of me of what a tremendous job I have done in Alcoholics A.N. And I start looking around at my pigeons. If they hadn't have got me, they would have never stayed sober. And from there, I go to apathy. I sit on the back row and to hell with the ashtrays and all of that, but I'll sit on The Back Row and I'll say, well, I'll set up a table and I'm going to sit down and I sit back here and if any of these newcomers want to talk to me, they can walk back here and I will drop a few words of wisdom, pearls of wisdom before I leave here tonight. and from there you go to dependency. You start depending entirely upon yourself. You forget about your family, you forget about AA, and most of all you forget about God. And you start depending upon a big eye and then where do you go? You go right back to that drinking, stinking, thinking and that's drinking, thinking and that is right back into bondage again. You see, this is why it's so important to work this program one day at a time. One day at a time, show progress in your everyday living because you can go through a step-by-step of this thing in your own life and most of you have lived it. You started off in bondage and you found Alcoholics Anonymous, then you've got faith in the program and from the faith in God you've got courage to do something about it. From courage, you've Got the freedom of being a free person. And if anyone in the world should understand what freedom is, it's an alcoholic, free of oneself. And from freedom, you get the abundance of the program. And from abundance, you become selfish. And from selfishness, you go to complacency, that quiet pleasure. And from quiet pleasure, complacency. You go to apathy, indifferent. And from indifference, where do you go? To dependency, to the big I, the ego, right back into bondage again. Have you seen that many times? Have you traveled a circle? I have many times, but through the grace of God, my sponsor has always got me in dependency. He jacked me up. You know, you can recover now, call it an honest program, just so long. That's it. and then you've got to start working other parts of this AA program now this AA program is divided into three parts I've only talked about one part and that's the recovery you have unity and you have service and if you want to be happy you've gotta be right there right in the center of AA that's where the action is right inthe center and the twelve steps will recover you So that is the foundation. That's where you build your house, either on rock or you build it on sand. This is where you'll make it or whether you won't make it. But then you find after coming to and waking up that you have something else to contend with in your everyday living and that's just people. Just people. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. as people. And what part, the wisdom of these, you know, I got into this situation one time I was looking at my pigeons and when I see when I'm talking to somebody I'd say what are you talking to him about? And he'd say da-da-da and I said well what does he know about that? How long has he been sober? Two years? I've been sober five. Don't you think I can help you more than he can? This is human being a human being. I kept him sober. When I got into this and I was carried home with Rena, to Rena, and Rena got a little disturbed about it and I picked up the grapevine one day and I found that they were having a convention up in North Carolina and I went to this convention with her blessings. She said, if it's going to do you any good, go. So I went. And I came back home with one word and this word was intelligentsia. I had become an intelligentsier in Alcoholics Anonymous. In other words, Dutch Whitley, I noticed he was on your program, Dutch says you don't pronounce it right. I said, hell, I can't spell it either. What's the difference? But I know what it is. It's a damn know-it-all. So I had become a know-It-All in Alcoholics and Knowledge. So I knew, and I had faith enough in the program, that this program was for living. And so I started looking in the AA program for something to straighten me out on this. And by chance, one day, I found the 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Just like that. And I looked at the 12 traditions and I said, well, they're rooted at the group level now. These 12 steps are rooted at we level. Now, what is the difference between we and a group? That's a good question. What's the difference Between We and a Group? And old Tom Lovering, I noticed he's been on your program too. I heard Tom say one time, he says, all it takes to start a group is two resentments and a dozen donuts. So that straightened me out. We in a group's the same because any time you get two AAs together, you've got a group. So we in a groups the same. So I said, well, I never have practiced these 12 steps at the wee level. I've always practiced at the eye level. I've always discussed them at the eye level. And so therefore, why can't I do the same thing with the Twelve Traditions? And I started this. And you know things happen to me beyond my fondest dreams. I had found that I had lived, started, I had learned to live with Wesley Parrish. But if I want to be happy, that ain't enough. I got to learn to live without him. I got up to live and live with you. And up to this time, it was dog eat dog. dog eat dog and so I got over here to these twelve traditions and so I practiced the twelve traditions today just like I practiced the twelve steps and I'd like to go through a couple with them and show you what I'm talking about maybe this will give you a new avenue on this pursuit of happiness I hope so because I've got so much out of it my common welfare comes first you see my sobriety is my biggest business when anything disturbs me get away from it. That's number one. First things first. My common welfare. Personal recovery depends upon a unity. My personal recovery depends upon my a unity you see I got to love you whether you love me or not. I've got to live in unity with you whether you live in union to me or not. It's not your responsibility to live and unity with me. But it's my responsibility to live in unity with you regardless of what you think of me, if I want to be happy. Now, if I don't want to being happy, I can go fighting. But no one ever want to fight. You know the greatest teaching on earth once says, what is it to love those who love you? That's nothing. But to love who hate you is something. Now the world don't live like this. Uh-uh. But we're not normal individuals anyway, so we can live like this. Try it. Try at some time in your home group. You know, I told you that I had trouble with profanity when I came to AA. One of the 12 steps taught me that I have something worse than profancy in my everyday conversation, and they're called a shady dozen. Have y'all ever heard of a shady doesn't? Now, we have trouble this in Florida, but I'm quite sure it doesn't happen in Texas. But I just want to show you how screwed up we are in Florida. These are the shaded dozens that we find in our conversation in Florida. I heard they say, everybody says, have you heard? Did you hear? Isn't it awful? people say did you ever somebody said would you think don't say I've told you oh I think it's terrible this robs more people of happiness than anything else. I don't know what y'all call it in Texas. I don'T guess you have it in teXas either, but we have it in Florida and we're doing something about it. We're doing something about this will destroy an a group quicker than anything. Love learn to live in unity with each other love each other. I have but a one own authority a loving God as he may express himself in my conscience. I am but a trusted servant I do not govern yes using God as my ultimate authority day by day this is tough but did you know that the God of my understanding that you have gave me regardless of what I do in life and as I read the big book the Bible I find that the love of God is this way that regardless of whatever I do he is a forgiving God And the minute that I want to do better and become back into his fold, he is spontaneous, he is unlimited, and he is unmotivated as far as his love is concerned. In Greek, they call this akope. It's a great thing, the love of God. When your sponsor came to see you for the first time and he looked at you, did you see detest in his eyes because there you were? Was it anything about you that was actually attractive when you was an alcoholic and being seen the first time? Did you say anything to motivate any love? But your sponsor gave you spontaneous, unlimited, and unmotivated love the minute he saw you. this is the love of God and this is the ultimate authority that we have in AA the love for God the love of God you know as a great teacher went across the land he used this same thing this Christian love this spontaneous this unlimited this unmotivated love regardless of who the individual was he loved everyone and he lived in unity with everyone and you can too and I can too because we have the program to teach us to do this and this is the way we live to be happy it's the only way that I know this is the key to happiness their only requirement of a membership is a desire to stop drinking that's the only thing that I have to remember to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous to have a desire every day to stop drinking. And you know, this takes away one of the greatest pleasures I found in AA. I can't take nobody else's inventory. I can't look at anybody else anymore and say, he'll never make it. You don't have that trouble in Texas. I'll take book on him. He'll never make it. Let me tell you one thing. If a person, if one person has a desire to stop drinking, regardless, the latch string is on both sides of the door in Alcoholics Anonymous. And if he's got a desire to stop breaking that one moment, he is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous according to our traditions of Alcoholic Anonymous and this I want to remember because you see, this takes me away from the shady dozen. I don't have to use the shady dozen anymore if I remember this, if I remember. I remember one time I have to tell this story about the first AA call I ever made. We went up in this hotel this dingy hotel room and here laid this little man five feet tall and he was about five feet around and he had real thick glasses and we tried to do something with him and we just couldn't do anything it was a physical situation and so we rushed him to the rest home and they called the doctor and the doctor says call his family he can't make it we nursed him for three weeks and finally he got coherent and we found out that he was an alcoholic he was a drug addict he belonged to the Lonely Hearts Society and he was a sex maniac and this guy would never make it he traveled up and down from Atlanta to Miami two or three times and we had to run him away from Fort Lauderdale because he fell in love with a girl that was running the rest home and got a butcher knife after one night because she wouldn't do certain things he wanted her to do. And finally, he left. And in 1952, I was in San Francisco. Now, this man couldn't have made it. He couldn't Have made it I was talking to a man and he says, Oh, you're from Florida? I said, Yes. He said, You know, I was the best man for a guy the other day in Florida. I said to him, What was his name? He said I don't remember. But he's a little guy about five feet tall and about five feet around in real thick glasses. I says, no. He says, yeah. See? Who am I to say who's going to make it and who's not going to makes it? You know, somebody might not make it at Brownwood or Odessa or Middleton or Dallas or Houston but they might just change just one little bit and find the answer I don't know that's up to God as I understand but it's up to me to give him spontaneous unlimited unmotivated love because he's an alcoholic like me I should always be autonomous except in matters affecting AA as a whole the word autonomous means self-governed I should always stand on my two feet I'm an alcoholic I've got a doctor's degree in negative thinking. I know right from wrong. You can bet your boots, and I want to leave you with this little piece of philosophy. Anything that is just about right is wrong. you want me to repeat that so you can get it anything just about right is wrong remember i have to suffer i don't go along with a crowd anymore just at that particular moment to be comfortable because i have the penalty later i know right from wrong i'm an alcoholic So don't suffer that tongue. And anyway, if you find out that you're wrong, you can go right over here to the step where it says when you're up wrong, properly admit it, you can get out of it just like that. Don't make any difference. But be autonomous. This is a great thing if you want to be happy. If you want to be happier, this is what...this is the way that I have found to live and be happy without alcohol. Through the application of the AA program, I've tried everything else. You know, it's an amazing thing. There's a man over here in Houston by the name of Allen that writes books, and he's got one of his interpretations of the Twelve Commandments or the Twelve Steps. And he says the Twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, of the AA program, is laid out just like the Ten Commandments. He says the Ten commandments, the first four, deals with man's relationship to God. And the last six is man's relationship to man. And this is what I'm talking about. The 12 steps in the recovery part, I found my relationship with God as I understand it. Now I'm trying to find my relationship with man as I'm understanding it. If I want to be happy. And this was the way this program works. AA ought to be fully self-supporting and declining outside contributions. I don't have to talk about this because, but I am responsible to talk about it. And I'm going to talk about it because I think it's necessary to talk about it." You know, I've cheated myself into AA so long. When I came into AA, I sat on the front row with a millionaire and he had quite an influence on my life. And he'd sit past and he'd listen to the speakers and when the basket went by, he'd reach in his pocket and get one of them little pocketbooks that snaps, you know. He'd snap it open, he's reaching there to get a dime. He'd drop it in the basket, and I'd look at him, and I say, That tight son of a bitch! And the basket turned to me, I'd pass it on. If he can't give but a dime, I ain't gonna give nothing. Now, I want to ask you, who was getting cheated? I was getting cheated because, you see, I wasn't meeting my responsibility. I wasn'T meeting. And if I want to be happy, if I want to be happier, it's one thing I've got to do. I've GOT to meet my responsibility. And if you want to be happy, you have to meet your responsibility. We can't be lazy no more in this Alcoholics Anonymous program if we want to be happy. To meet our responsibility one day at a time. This is so important. Yes. I'm going back to five. Each group has but one primary purpose to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. I've told you time and time again here that I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, that I have an incurable disease called alcoholism. I can never cure it, but I can arrest it by not taking alcohol. I ask you the question, am I here today to take my medicine for my disease of alcoholism? Yes. Every meeting that I attend and every 12-step call that I go on in whatever I might do, activity that I do in AA. It's medicine for me to maintain me staying sober. And I want to ask you, regardless of how long you have been sober, do you still suffer from the disease of alcoholism? Well, listen to what this tradition says. The primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. You see, this tells me that every time I see you, it's my responsibility to 12-step you because I love you. And it's your responsibility every time you see me to 12 step me because you love me, because you know that I am a suffering alcoholic and I know that you are a suffering alcoholist. This is the longevity of Alcoholics Anonymous, the love that we alcoholics have for another. You know, sometimes the most important member in a group is not the new member. The most important memory is the memory that is disturbed the most. And every place that you go on the land, you hear this thing said, the old-timers are not around anymore. Well, is an old-timer a left out, a push out, or a drop out in your particular neighborhood? Listen, we old-trimers need 12-stepping just like them newcomers need 12 stepping. We need to be loved just like they have to be love because we have a living problem just like they have a living problem and we have conditions come up in our everyday living that we need you just as much as you need us. As a matter of fact, we need you more. Yes. When you go back to your hometowns and your home groups, call up an old timer and just tell him that you love him. You just call him the 12-stepping because you realize too that he is still suffering from the disease of alcoholism and to come on back into the fold that you need him and he needs you and let's get some activity with these old timers and the only way that I know that we can do it is through making each of us realize that regardless of how long that we're in Alcoholics Anonymous we still suffer from the disease of alcohol and therefore it's our responsibility to 12-step each other This is the way AA will survive and survive only of anything that's in the future. The longevity, the love of one alcoholic for another. And you know, the most misinterpreted word I have found in my life was the word anonymity, the spiritual foundation of the program. I could care less who knows I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous because, listen, I have never had a man come up to me and slap me on the back and say, Wesley, boy, I'm glad you see your wall-eyed and root-legged. Never have. But I have many a man coming up to my face since I've came into AA and slapped me on their back and said, Wesley, you're doing a good job. Keep it up. There is no stigma in being an alcoholic. None whatsoever. An inactive alcoholic. Since I have been in AA and everybody in my county and my hometown knows I'm a member, I have served on the Broward County School Board directing the lives of 100,000 children every day. An old drunk. I'd sit down with those doctors and hell, I didn't have a high school education because alcohol robbed me of a high school diploma. I was the worst juvenile delinquent that ever come through Pompano Beach High and I've been chairman of the Broward County School Board three times can you imagine that yes through the application of their A program I was associated with the best of them but see they don't hold a light to you and I because they don' t know that they've got a living problem we know that we've got one And we're doing something about it. This is it. This is a wonderful way of life. You see, anonymity, the negative part of anonymity is thinking that being an alcoholic will be a stigma or something that will affect you in business or in society. Uh-uh. That's the negative. The negative part because, you see, if I felt that way, I would be living in a state of fear, and I cannot afford fear within Wesley Parish. And it's taught me that it's not but one person on earth big enough to hurt me, and you know who that is? That's me. So I cannot live in fear. But the true meaning of anonymity is doing for others without expecting anything in return. This is the way to be happy. Didn't the great teachers, he went around and cured the ones that were ill and sick and made the blind what they could see. What did he say to them? He'd touch them and heal them, and he would say, go, tell no one. And the word spread like wildfire. You see, this is true anonymity. You see, today in service, it is not my responsibility to go out here and sober up everybody on the face of the earth. No. But it is my responsibility that when anybody reaches out his hand for AA and help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for this, I am responsible. For this, I have to be ready, regardless of when any one of my fellow men calls me, I am ready to serve. That my mental attitude is correct where I can serve him because an alcoholic is a cunning and baffling individual. This is important. This is true service as I see it. The auctioneer hardly felt it worth his while to waste much time on the old violin. But he held it aloft with a smile. What have I bid for this old violin, said he. A dollar, two dollars, now who will make it three? Three dollars once, three dollars twice, three dollars going and gone. But no, a gray-haired man from the room far back came forward and picked up the bow. Wiping the dust from the old violin and tightening loose strings, he played a melody clear and sweet as a caroling angel sang. When the music had ceased, the auctioneer said, Now what am I bid for the old violin? A thousand? Two thousand? Now who will make it three? Three thousand once, three thousand twice, three thousand going and gone, said he. And the crowd cheered, and someone said, I wonder what's changed its worth. And quick came the reply, The touch of the master's hand. How many a man or woman's life all out of tune and battered and scarred is auctioned cheap much like the old violin, a glass of wine, a messes pottage, a game when they travel on going once, going twice, going and almost gone. And then comes the master, and the faultless crowd seems to not quite understand the change that is wrought and the miracle that is sought just by the touch by the master's hand God bless you The young people have a saying, it like it is he showed in Wesley we have this plaque and let me read what it says so everybody will know with love and appreciation to Wesley Parish from the lakeside conference 1968 thank Thank you very much. THE PRESIDENT. Cotton, do you want to say a word? Well, you got the full load at this conference. I held this to the last purposely. You know, I asked all the committee people to stand. I didn't ask the chairman of the committee that picks these speakers to stand, and I didn't want to do it until after Leslie finished so we could get it all together. Bob has done a wonderful job picking these speakers. He is the head of this committee and also our emcees. I want to thank them for a beautiful job well done. Bob is head of that committee, works right in with the speakers. And I think that Bob Stanton, let us give you a hand. You've done a wonderful job.