The Difference Between a Real Alcoholic and a Hard Drinker – Joe H.

my name is Joe I'm an alcoholic it's good to be here again last week we we covered everything from the title page to page 17 and it's always good for me to remind myself just to get centered you know what we're looking at here but we're look at here is the first half of the first step up, the admission of powerlessness over alcohol. And from the way it's been shared with me, everything up to page 23 is about the body, the body of the alcoholic after he takes a drink. So we're looking at powerlessness over alcohol physically after I take the first drink. This part of the disease, what what we've looked at in the doctor's opinion, only happens after I take a drink. If I never take another drink, I will never experience the physical part of my disease, that phenomena of craving. If you weren't here last week and you're wondering how you can use the doctor opinion for yourself as a tool to help you look at the first step, the way to use the doctor's opinion is to try to make as many of the statements as questions for you is this me do I believe this and try to stay centered on the idea you're looking at does this happen to me after I take a drink he equates it to an allergy the best one for me is if I'm allergic to strawberries and every time I eat strawberries I break out with a rash do I have a similar reaction to alcohol but instead of a rash do I get a craving for more do I go to craving for alcohol once I put a little bit in my system so we're looking at two things up to page 23 we're lookin at why am i powerless over alcohol physically after I take a drink and the issue of control that we're lookin at here is can you control the amount that you drink once you start is there anyone is there anyone in the room who's having problems with that that thinks maybe they can control how much they're going to take once they take a little bit of whatever it is they use to a certain degree the only problem is i gotta have a certain amount every day right do you know do you know what that certain amount is going to be or does that change too until you reach that place of ease and comfort can you control that can you control how much you take does the day come does the day come when you lose control over how much after you take a couple well let's continue to look at that because there's a there's quite a few things from 17 to 23 that helped me look at that they talked about the one that really helps me is where they talk about the difference between the real alcoholic and the hard drinker we were also given a tool on how to use Bill story after we look at the doctor's opinion and I was told to use bill story also as a tool to help me look look at my life and to take the first eight pages of Bill's story and to mark everything that I can relate to, putting aside the differences, looking at the similarities. I'm not a stockbroker. I never went to war and I've never been married. I don't look at that. I look at the similarities in three different areas. How did he drink? How did He think? And how did He feel? And I do that with the first eight pages of Bill's story to answer a question. Was I as hopeless as Bill? I don't look at the other eight pages, because I would only compare my recovery to his. Bill went through the first 8 steps in a real short period of time and I was told until I do the work in the first 7 steps I shouldn't start to compare my recovery with his but that once I've done that work in the 1st 8 steps I should go back and I'll probably be able to mark about as much as I did with his recovery as I didn't with his disease. But if I'm able to answer that question, like the last description of when Bill hit his final bottom, he describes it in a paragraph on page 8 where every word I can relate to. There's not one circumstance in this paragraph that's not me when I got here, when I hit bottom. It says on page 8, no words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I'd met my match. I've been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master. I relate to every word in that paragraph. And I asked myself, Was I as hopeless as Bill in every area that I can relate to, my thinking, the way I felt, and the way I drank? And if I can answer that and turn to page 17, I see why I was asked that question. I see why Iwas asked to answer that question, was I as Hopeless as Bill, because the first paragraph on page 17 says we of Alcoholics Anonymous know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as bill and i say to myself so was i nearly all have recovered they have solved the drink problem that gives me some hope in the next paragraph they described this first part of the program we talked about the title page and that there's three parts to this program this next paragraph describes the fellowship the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous really well says we are are average Americans. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. I look around in any of the meetings that I go to, and most of those people I would not have mixed with when I was drinking and taking drugs. But which is indescribably wonderful. We're like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck, when camaraderie, joyousness, and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to captain's table. I was told that's like if we're all on a ship together and some of us are up in the first class cabins and second class and third class and then way in the bottom of the boat in the steerage they have the peasants and the workers, okay, and we're both in the boat and we've all thrown in the water together. We're all thrown up to our necks in water, and the guy next to you, you're up to your neck in water and the guys next to him has a piece of wood he's floating on. Are you going to ask him what part of the boat he was from before you get on his piece of wood with him? No, you are not going to care because we share in a common problem. We are up to out necks and water. But unlike the feeling of the ship's passengers however, our joy in escape from disasters does not subside as we go our individual ways. You know, they get to the shore and they all go in their different directions. We find a way out and that doesn't happen. What do we find here in the fellowship? The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. And now the warning. The warning that the fellowship by itself is not enough. That in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined. They tell me that what I'm going to find in the fellowship is just one element in whatever this powerful cement is that's going to hold us together, that's gonna hold me together. But what I find in The Fellowship by itself is not enough. So what's the other part of that cement? In this analogy, when we're on page 17 about the cement sounds kind of stupid. But you'll be very grateful that you understood about the sediment and each stone that we're going to put in place on the foundation and how to build that foundation when you get to the end of a fifth step, to the end of step five and they ask you to return home and read a paragraph that says returning home after the fifth step we asked ourselves have we mixed the cement properly? Have we put the stones properly in place? and you'll understand how we make this cement. What's the other part of the cement? The other part of the sediment is the tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. Imagine coming to AA and all you can do is walk in a room with a bunch of people and you really identify with how they drank, but they don't have any answer for you. It's just a real nifty place to go share and talk to guys about how you drank. the feeling of having shared in a common peril. What if they didn't have an answer? If all I needed was the feeling of having share it in a commune and a common parallel, the county jail would have worked several times because there I would be thrown in with a bunch of guys and we all suffered from the same problem but there was no solution. The feeling of Having Shared in a Common Problem by itself is not enough. There better be a common solution. a way out on which we can absolutely agree and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. So I find part of the cement in the fellowship, that feeling of having shared in a common peril. And I find the other part of the sediment in this book, a common solution. Page 18 talks about this disease being an illness do i believe that does it involve those about me in a way which no other human sickness can not so with the alcoholic illness for with it there goes annihilation of all things worthwhile in life it engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferers It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents. Anyone can increase the list. That's a great description of untreated alcoholism. when you guys get out of here if you make it to Alcoholics Anonymous and you see some of the people that are hanging around you'll see people in the program suffering from those things sober untreated they'll be into fierce resentment financial insecurity they won't be on good terms with their family That's a great description of the root, the root of my disease. I was told that I can use that as a guide to look back on my life, how I was when I was drinking and I can also use that to look at my life today. I was also told that there is nothing in this book about how to find a sponsor or how to be a sponsor because they don't use the word sponsor. Well, they didn't use the word sponsor back in 1939. But I think the bottom two paragraphs are great descriptions for me as a sponsor and for me to find somebody to be a sponsor. I was told if every word in this book in the first 164 pages is important that the one in squiggly lines are even more important. And here's one of those paragraphs. And this is the guide for me as a sponsor. The ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be done. So, am I an ex-problem drinker? have I found this solution? Am I armed with facts about myself? That's a great guide for someone to be a sponsor. But what about somebody who's looking for a sponsor? I find the next paragraph describes somebody that has what I want really well. That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty. Was he like me? being, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that has no attitude of holier than thou, nothing whatever except a sincere desire to be helpful, that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured. These are the conditions we have found most effective." it's a great guide for helping you to find a sponsor was he like me and does he live like that anymore do I want to come to AA and find somebody who is living like I was still or do I want somebody that was just like me just as bad if not worse just as sick but he doesn't live that way anymore more. And he has an answer for me. That top paragraph on page 19 gives us a very important statement that really helped me with the first step. Because I thought the first step was, I admit that I'm powerless over alcohol and that's why my life is unmanageable. until I started seeing that the elimination of my drinking was just a beginning. The next paragraph says, if I keep on the way I'm going, there is little doubt that much good will result because the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched. I think those two pretty much mean the same thing. If I keep one the way, I'm not going to get any better. If I go the way that I'm doing, just not drinking, there is no doubt that nothing good will happen out because the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched. If all you've done is take the booze and the drugs away, all you have done is remove your solution. All you've just done is taken the medicine away. Now what are we going to substitute for that? It's like saying what we do with a diabetic is we take away his medication that stops the seizures. You take my alcohol and my drugs away. way, what am I going to use? Is there a sufficient substitute? On page 20, I'd like to use the middle paragraph as questions for each of you to look at in relationship to the first step. How many times have people said to you, I can take it or leave it alone. Why Why can't you? Use that as a question. Can you take it or leave it alone? Can you drink like a gentleman, or more importantly, quit? And for us as alcoholics, we should probably ask ourselves, if I quit, can I stay quit? I'm sure everybody in this room has stopped a lot. Our problem is not stopping. Our problem is staying stopped. Can you handle your liquor? Is your willpower weak? Can you stop if you want to? She's such a sweet girl. Can you quit for her sake? If the doctor tells you that you ever drink again, it might kill you. Can you just stop with that alone by itself? How many of us have been told that? These are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back at them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. we see that the people that can do these things refer to people whose reactions, physically and mentally, are very different from ours. You know, the guy that can take it or leave it alone, the guy they can stop, the guy who can quit just for a girlfriend, the guy can quit from the threat of a doctor, is not like me. so now they help me look at the three different kinds of drinkers this is where i got a little bit afraid a little scared but i also saw there's not much that separates me from the from the hard drinker and it was there was at this point in this part of first step there's really only one basic question to answer am i a real alcoholic physically physically. They help me look at the moderate drinker. He has little trouble giving up liquor entirely if he has a good reason for it. He can take it or leave it alone. So I ask myself, is that me? Can I give up liquor entirely if I have a good reason for it? No. I had a lot of good reasons and I was not able to give it up entirely. Can I I take it or leave it alone. I don't have a problem with the moderate drinker. I'm definitely not him. But what about the hard drinker? He may have had the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. I did. It might have caused me to die a few years before my time. That's true. It could have. But if a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor becomes operative, this man can also stop. Although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention. So the question there is if given a sufficient reason, and we all had our own. My sponsor told me not to just look at these although I had every one of these. ill health falling in love a woman that says if you just quit doing what you're doing i'll stay with you change of environment the warning of a doctor look at your own sufficient reasons good and bad i had some good sufficient reasons that some people were able to stop with love opportunity education the big job the right woman the right job was there ever a sufficient reason that by itself you could take and stop so far that's the only thing that separates me from the hard drinker I knew guys that could drink more than me drink me under the table and let one of them get a threat from his wife or a 502 or DUI or a threat from a judge, he stays away from it and I can't. Give him a sufficient reason and by itself. I'm not saying if a sufficient reason got you here that's fine and dandy. You know a court threat from a judge threat from my wife fine but ask yourself would that sufficient sufficient reason by itself, is that all I need to stay sober? Can I take that threat from a judge? Can i take that thread from my wife and go on with my life and stay sober based on that threat? What about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker. I did. He may or may not become a continuous hard drinker they're saying there he might not even become as bad as that guy we just looked at but at some stage of his his drinking career, he begins to lose control over the amount he drinks, his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink. That's all they're asking me to look at. Do I lose control over the amout that I drink once I take a drink? And if given a sufficient reason, can can i stay stopped the rest of that page goes into some detail about our behavior i personally don't think that the behavior of the alcoholic has much to do with why i think it's probably just the result of but it's good to read because i find myself in the rest of the page especially when he talks about how he uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for or his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. On page 22, the second paragraph says, This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly. See, I'm not going to find out why I'm an alcoholic in my behavior. We all have different behavior. We all has different circumstances. okay let's not look at why you're an alcoholic in the circumstances and the drama of your life let's find out what does everybody in this room share in common as far as the problem some of you been to jail some of You've never been to Jail some of you have lost wives some of you haven't lost wives because of your drinking some of of you have lost jobs. Some of you haven't. Some of you get depressed and quiet. Some of you get loud and angry. Some of you fight, some of you don't fight. Some of your Dr. Jekyll, some of your Mr. Hyde. What I'm saying is everyone in this room probably has different behavior and some that's similar. And we all probably have different circumstances that happened in our life and some that are similar. But let's not look at the circumstances. Let's not look at out here to find out why we're alcoholic let's just see that as the result of there's a big difference between the result of my alcoholism and the reason why i'm alcoholic the bottom of the page is the last time they're going to help me look at my body after i take a drink and we're going gonna go on to the second part of that step and here's the way i should be able to answer that and this is the way I should be able to use this last paragraph as a question on page 22. I know that while I keep away from drink, as I may do for months or years, I react much like other men. But I'm also equally positive that once I take any alcohol whatever into my system, something happens, both in the body and the mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for me to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this. So I say to myself, does my experience abundantly confirm that once I put any alcohol whatever into my system, something happens? Which makes it virtually impossible for me to stop until I get to that place. You see, and I don't know when that will happen. Sometimes it takes three hours. Sometimes it take three days before that craving is off my back. Sometimes it's three drinks. Sometimes it takes 30 and I'm not there yet. That doesn't assume that I have much power over what's going to happen after I take a couple or any power over when I'm going to get to that place of ease and comfort. Now, if I can't answer that last part, if I'm positive that once I put any alcohol whatever into my system I lose control over the amount that I'm gonna drink, I probably shouldn't go on. but if I'm able to admit that point if I am able to concede that if I am able to conceed to that yes my drinking experience shows me that once I take a couple drinks I lose control over how much more I'm going to drink once I take any alcohol whatever into my system something happens both in the body and the mind which makes it virtually impossible impossible for me to stop, then we can go on. I now need to change my perspective. I now need change what I'm looking at. What we're going to look at for the next 20 pages is why am I powerless over alcohol mentally when there's none in my system at all? And You know, if all I have is the part we've looked at, then all you need to do is take me to a detox and dry me out for 30 days and I should be fine. But why is it every time they dried me out and I didn't have any booze in my system for a matter of 20 or 30 days, how come I always ended up drunk again? If it's just a physical disease. You see, now we get down to the mental part. these observations about the body are academic and pointless if i never take the first drink thereby setting that terrible cycle in motion craving obsession craving obsession therefore the main problem that i suffer from centers in my mind rather than in my body okay why do they say say academic and pointless. I don't see how those two go together. I was told it's academic because it's real important for you to have identified does that happen to your body after you take a drink, but it's also pointless because knowing that by itself will not keep you sober. So it's epidemic. It's important for me to know, but its also pointless, because because knowing it won't keep me sober. And if I never put another drink in my system, I'll never experience that craving. Therefore, the main problem now that I'm dried out, the main problems now that are in my mind, now that they're dried out that needs to be treated, is in my brain. The thing that's going to get me back to the first drink. Bottom of the next paragraph gives me the first description of an obsession. obsession. They're going to describe this obsession several times in the next 20 pages. There is the obsession that somehow, someday I'll beat the game. The bottom of the page says the tragic truth is if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic he passes into to a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail? Will my strongest desire keep me sober? Is the only requirement for membership to the fellowship the only requirement for me to stay sober? Or have I reached a stage, somewhere during my seventeen years of drinking, where my most powerful desire doesn't get it? For some reason I thought when I came here that the only requirement to be a member was the only requirement for me to stay sober now we look at a very important point the idea of choice the fact is most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice in drink our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent we are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force course, the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. Did I reach a point somewhere in my drinking where I couldn't just wake up and choose not to drink? And did I reach a point in my drinking where all I did was choose to drink, or was there more involved than just choice? I see it like kind of coming to like you're coming to an intersection a section at a dead-end road and you have a you have choice to go left or right and left is to the bar and right is to home to stay sober for the rest of the night and you come to the end of that intersection every day and for about 10 or 12 years you seem to have a choice every day am I going to go this way am am I going to go this way? But it's somewhere in my drinking, somewhere in the world somewhere in our 17-year history with alcohol did I reach a point where I didn't just choose to go to the bar. I didn' t just choose to turn left because I really wanted to get home and I really want to get sober but something stronger drove me right to the first drink and I didn''t make it home. Was it just a choice to drink and was it just a choice not to drink? can you go the rest of your life and just wake up every morning and say today i choose not to drink and do that or have you lost that choice have you lost that kind of power that gives you the freedom of choice when it comes to alcohol has your willpower become weak practically non-existent are you unable at certain times the scary thing there it says at certain time you know maybe 99 days in a row maybe 28 days in a row maybe every day for six months you were able to bring to mind something like how you felt the last time you went to jail or what you did what you didn't do what you said the last time you got drunk maybe you were able to bring that to mind 30 60 90 days in a row but would a certain day come when even remembering that wasn't enough to stop you do you have a defense against keeping yourself from the next drink do you have a defense against the first drink i hear a lot of people in a they say if you get a thought to drink just think it through this next paragraph tells me that there will come a day when that won't be enough thinking it through to the consequences and how i'll be in a month or two months or six months the almost certain consequences that would follow taking even a glass of beer fear, do not crowd into the mind to stop me. If these thoughts occur, if I start to think it through, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time I'll handle myself like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps me from putting my hand on a hot stove. How come I can lay my hand on a hot stove once and burn burn it really good one time and say i'm not ever going to do that again but how come when it comes to alcohol i get burned over and over and i can't just say i am not going to that again i might say to myself in the most casual way it won't burn me this time so here's how or perhaps i don't think at all you know i saw times when i thought of the consequences and still walked right into the bar but i also saw some times when i didn't think much at all of what the consequences were going to be how often have had some of us began to drink in that nonchalant way and after the third or fourth pounded on the bar and said to myself for god's sake how did i ever get started again only to have that thought supplanted by well i'll stop with a sick drink or screw it what's the use anyhow now we're looking at my thinking we're looking at what goes on in my mind when i don't have any booze or drugs in my system at all when this sort of thinking is fully established in an alcohol in an individual with alcoholic tendencies he's probably placed himself beyond human aid you know do i think there's anything anything human that can stop that part of me that gets me back to the first drink. Page 25 tells me there is a solution. And then they spend a whole paragraph telling me what I have to do and what I won't like, and then finally in the next paragraph they tell me what that solution is. Here's what I want like self-searching, leveling of pride, confession of shortcomings which which this process requires. That's one of the first times this book tells me there is more than one requirement to be a participant in the recovery process. There might only be one requirement to be member of the fellowship, but this short sentence has just told me there are at least three requirements to successfully complete this recovery process Self-searching Leveling of pride Confession of shortcomings self-searching, step 4, 5, 10, leveling of pride, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Confession of shortcomings, step 5, step 10, step 9. But I saw that it really worked in others and I came to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as I had been living it when therefore i was approached by those in whom the problem had been solved those with whom the problems have been solved there was nothing left for me but to pick up a simple kid of spiritual tools laid at my feet we have found much of heaven and we've been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we not even dreamed now i had a problem with that idea about the fourth dimension It sounds kind of spooky to me, kind of like Twilight Zone or something. I was told the fourth dimension is real simple. You and I have lived in three dimensions most of our lives. We've lived in the cravings of our body, we've lived in the obsessions of our mind, and we've dominated by our emotions. Those are the three realms I lived in for thirty years. I lived in my body I lived in my mind and I lived with my emotions they told me the fourth dimension is the spiritual realm within the spiritual realm within each and every one of us is the fourth dimension and it's not out here and it is not rocketed up into it's within it's a spiritual realm within where the root of my disease is where my sickened spirit is because I am not just sick physically and mentally. And I'm not just dominated by my emotions. I am spiritually sick as well. So what's the solution? The great fact is just this and nothing less and nothing else. We have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows, and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. So how do I know when I'm hearing middle- of the road solutions in AA meetings? meetings, how do I know when I'm hearing middle-of-the-road solutions? Because if I have admitted to be a real alcoholic like the people in this book, there is no middle- of-the road solution. So how do i know when i'm hearing it? If I'm here at anything that doesn't have to do with how to have a deep and effective spiritual experience or how that's come about for somebody or how how that can come about for me, I'm hearing middle-of-the-road solutions. I'm in a position where life is becoming impossible. And if I've passed into that region from which there is no return through human aid, that thinking that they described on the bottom of page 24, I have two alternatives. One alternative, to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of my intolerable situation as best I can, denial the other to accept spiritual help if the root of my disease is spiritual do i really think anything else but a spiritual experience is going to is going to treat the root do i think therapeutic measures are going to treat a spirit do i Think emotional measures are gonna treat a sickened spirit spirit. The next three pages are about a man's visit to one of the top psychiatrists at the time in the world, Dr. Carl Jung. And we will find a great similarity between what Dr. Karl Jung tells this guy as to what Dr Silkworth told Bill about the body. Carl Jung is going to tell us the same kind of stuff about the mind there's a great similarity here because dr jung is going to tell what's wrong with us mentally exactly what it is we need and then admit that he as a human couldn't provide it same as the process that went on with dr silkworth he knew what was wrong with our bodies he knew exactly what we needed an entire psychic change and then he admitted that as a human he could not provide that so this guy his name was Roland got a great last name for an alcoholic Roland hazard was a certain American businessman who had ability good sense and high character for years he flouted from one sanitarium to another he consulted the best-known American psychiatrist then had gone to Europe placing himself in the care of a a celebrated physician, the psychiatrist Dr. Jung, who prescribed for him. Though experience had made him skeptical, he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. His physical and mental condition were unusually good. Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, Nevertheless, he was drunk in short time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall. So he returned to the doctor, who he admired, and asked him point blank why he could not recover. He wished above all things to regain his self-control. He seemed quite rational and well balanced with respect to other problems, yet he had no control whatever over alcohol. Why was this? he begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth and he got it in the doctor's judgment he was utterly hopeless he could never regain his position in society and would have to place himself under lock and key or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long that was the great physician's opinion Dr. Silkworth felt pretty much the same way at first that we were pretty much hopeless but this man still lives and is a free man He doesn't need a bodyguard, nor is he confined. He can go anywhere on this earth where any other free men can go without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude. They're going to tell me about that certain attitude at the second step on page 55. Next paragraph down. The doctor said, You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you. Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed in on him with a clang. He said to the doctor, are there no exceptions? Yes, replied the doctor. There is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. So here's a guy who knew what was wrong with us mentally. That if we had a mind of an alcoholic, we couldn't keep ourselves from the first drink. And here's the guy who knows exactly what we needed. Dr. Silkworth called it an entire psychic change. Dr. Carl Jung calls it a vital spiritual experience. And then he describes these phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding force of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. In fact, I've been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. With many individuals, the methods which I have employed are successful but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description. description. He knew what was wrong with us mentally, he knew what we needed, he was able to define that in real practical terms, and then he had to admit that he couldn't make that happen, that as a human he couldn�t make that vital spiritual experience occur. I look at that description sometimes when I start to doubt what's happened in my life and i look at that description of a spiritual experience and ask myself has that happened for me so i look my old ideas what were some of my old ideas i can't stay sober i can stay sober and be happy was i dominated by my emotions did i do what i felt and what were my old attitudes. And then I look at what's going on in the last five years and I ask myself, am I now dominated by a new set of conceptions and motives? Have my ideas become conceptions rather than just ideas? Do I have a new sort of concept? Do I own conceptions? It's not the world's fault. There is a way to stay sober and be happy. And do I have a new said of motives? You notice they leave the word emotions out of there. I am not dominated by my emotions today, like I was. And do I really care sometimes about helping somebody other than myself? Do I have a new set of motives? And then I get to see that that's a real and practical definition for me. The second paragraph on page 28 talks about three lines down from the top. We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired. If what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all, it means all of us, whatever our race, creed or color, are the children of a living creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. if I am willing and honest enough to try there is a simple understandable way for me to form a relationship with a living creator within me that I will be able to feel and see and there is away that faith can be acquired we will look in the second step pretty soon at at a process to go from a simple belief to faith through these steps. Page 29. Actually, on the bottom of page 28 it talks about that in the next chapter there appears an explanation of alcoholism as we understand it. Then a chapter addressed to the agnostic, step two. Many who were once in this class are now among our members. Surprisingly enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience. Further on, which means from chapter 5, there are clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered. These are followed by 43 personal stories. Each individual in the personal stories describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God. Bottom of the page, our hope is that many alcoholic men and women desperately in need will see these pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing. I believe that's a question that needs to be answered sometime in the first two steps. Am I an alcoholic, and do I really want this thing? Do I really Want This? before I stop I'd like to look before we go into the next chapter I'd love to I'd to look at three different words for your consideration before next week and those three words are power control and choice okay we're looking in the first step at the admission of powerlessness the first page in the next chapter is going to use the word control and from here on and they already have used the word control and we've begun to look at the idea of choice. The idea I'd like to submit for your consideration would be if you lose any one of those things if you loose power if you loose control or if you losse choice if you loos any one of those don't you loose all three? Let's take a man on a sofa paralyzed from the neck down does he have the power to get up and walk to the door and walk out of that room on his own does he have the control to do that does he have a choice ok for me how do I look at that for me as an alcoholic if I am powerless over alcohol and I'm never going to regain control over it do I have a choice I looked up the words power control and choice for power it's talked about strength do I have the strength to control alcohol either the amount I drink after I start or staying stopped control they said ability do I I have the ability to control the amount I drink once I start? Do I have the ability that stays stopped? And for choice it was real interesting because it said two or more reasonable options. So do I think I really have a choice over alcohol? Is drinking a reasonable option for me or is that insanity? If If I've lost control, if I've lost the power, I have no choice. I think we'll stop there tonight.