Powerlessness and a Higher Power – Workshop 12 Steps – Part 1 of 2 – Local AA Speakers

is to talk about steps two and three tonight and then really get started in inventory, which is where you're going to learn the lie, I suppose, about what you believe tomorrow morning and then to spend the rest of the day talking about how to take that information forward and how to get free of those kinds of things that we're still carrying around. So let's talk about step two. When I got sober, they put me down in front of this priest, which I didn't particularly care for. I mean, just that he was a priest. And because I was a German Lutheran And they didn't have a high opinion of Catholics, and especially priests. And so when they carried me into this halfway house, they slapped me down in front of this priest. And he said, are you an alcoholic? And I said, yeah. And he says, are ye done? That's a very good question, incidentally. Most people can't answer it because they don't know. But it's a good question. and I said I don't know if I'm not I'm probably dead and he said do you want what we have and I wanted anything but what I had so it was sort of moot and he said can you stop drinking no Well, he said, I've got some bad information for you. And I said, what's that? And he said we can't stop you either. And I said then what the hell am I doing here? And he said do you believe in God? And I told him no just because I was just because I tried to piss him off. See, the amazing thing about people like us is that we'll die right in front of you to prove a point. See, we don't want to ever say we were wrong or that we made a mistake or that ?? weren't in full control of our faculties or whatever the hell it was. So when he asked me if I believed in God, I told him no. And he said, this is a priest. He's a really nice guy. He said, then you're shit out of luck. Well, I thought that was inappropriate. And I said, why? And he said, because if you can't stop drinking and we can't stop you, there better be a God or your game's up. and i understand that the problem is i have no relationship if you're an alcoholic you may suffer from a disease which only a spiritual experience can conquer that's in the book well that was not good news to me because i had no idea how to have a spiritual experience. So I'm looking at this priest and thinking he's trying to sell me on something, that he's tried to sell me God. And I told him, I said, I wouldn't even know where to start to build a relationship or to have a spirituality experience. And he said, this is the first day I got sober. Okay? And he said well they're going to take you home and what I want you to think about is what you'd like God to be. So I said okay. Now there's a challenge inherent in this and that is I knew I was going to go into DTs because I'd been in DTs before. And so when they took me home and just dropped me off, I knew what was coming and there wasn't going to be anybody there except me. And so they dropped me off at my house and my wife had left me with our two sons and gone to the French Riviera. Jesus. and I knew what was going to happen and it did so I started hallucinating and flopping around on the floor and seeing all kinds of things coming out of the woodwork and oh Jesus and I tried to pray the reason why I tried to pray is because I was desperate enough I thought I was going to die every minute. I thought I was just going to seize up and die. And so I'm in this empty house, and my chest feels really tight, and I'm thinking I'm going to have a heart attack or something. Everything was going to cave in at once. And I spent probably the better part of 24 hours, experiencing that. And in the middle of that, I tried to pray and I didn't know how to connect with God. So I tried it on my knees. I tried it laying down, standing up in Old English and New English. I really tried to pray in any manner that God would listen. And at the end of that, I was still breathing. And these guys came over and picked me up and took me to a meeting. And I went back and sat down in front of this priest and he said, did you think about God? And I said, yeah. and he said what'd you think and i said well um i grew up around occasionally around a angry violent and alcoholic father and i used to get beaten uh i've been knocked ass over tea kettle down two flights of stairs which is what made me violent later in life because that stuff passes on. That's the worst thing you can do because that sort of violent behavior will go to the next generation and that's the role model you grow up with so you're prone to the same kind of behavior. so he said what would you like god to be and i said i'd like him to be a father but i i would uh i'd Like him to Be gentle You know i had about as much of violent fathers as i can stand and And so i'd, like him To be gentle and if i make a mistake i'd Like him, to just sort of bring me back to the right kind of behavior and without having me taking a beating in the process. So he said, I think that's exactly what God is. Now my opinion of God has not changed in 36 years. I still believe God's a father. I still belief He's gentle. And I still think He loves me. and everything in my life points toward that belief that it wasn't God that put me in all those ugly positions I was in. It was me. And that once I decided to try and live a spiritual life, my life changed. Once I decided to engage in the recovery program, my life changed. And not only my life in general, my perception. You can take a person who's recovered and a person whose not recovered, give them exactly the same set of circumstances, and an unrecovered person will go right out of their mind. And the recovered person will look at it and go, things are rarely what they seem to be. See, I found that out a long time ago. Do you know the business in the book about God allowing us to match calamity with serenity? That's not a lie. I can look at what appears to be a very difficult set of circumstances today and know that my perception is failing me. and say, I think I see what's going on here, but there's a good chance that my perception is faulty. And if it is failty, I probably ought to wait around to find out what's really going on. And one of the things that recovery will do for you is allow you to sit in difficult circumstances and match calamity with serenity. so the book says am i even willing to believe upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built that's what the book is and so am i even willing to believe see the compelling argument for me was can you stop we can't stop you how are you going to stop? You know where the book says, the book says this, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could neither postpone nor evade. We had to fearlessly face the proposition that God either is or he isn't. He's either everything or he's nothing. What is your choice to be. See, when we're put in that position where we are out of gas, where we are out-of-power and where we can't fix ourselves, then we're put in a desperate position and at some point we find out that we have exhausted all possibilities except that one which involves God. And so the next question is, does God give a shit? Excuse me. Well, I mean, that's a reasonable question. If I'm dying here, does God care enough to save me? God couldn't would if he were son. So now I've got to go to God, right? Now I've got to say, well, I really didn't believe in you much and you're probably pretty angry with me based on my track record. So would you be willing to save me anyway. Most of us weren't really nice people. I mean, we were out of control and roaring through people's lives like a tornado and all the rest of that. And at some point, we have to go to God and say, will you please save me? so am I even willing to believe the book says lack of power is our dilemma as we talked about before if somebody doesn't believe you ask them about power do you have the power to stay in a relationship do you Have the Power to Keep a Job Do you Have The Power To Keep Yourself Do you have The Power to Have A Savings Account Do you have the power to have the love of your children? Do you Have That Power in Your Life? And I never met a drunk that could answer those questions well. See, and then the book starts talking about having this willingness to believe and the next thing it says is we felt new power flowing in. All right? You can check all this in the book. I've just been reading it for a long time. And then it talks about two different kinds of people. It talks about people who have the bedevilments. Now, if you've read the book, you know what those are. We couldn't seem to be of real help to other people. We were prey to misery and depression. There's a whole laundry list of bedevilments there. It talks about those people. It's a pretty unhappy way to live, frankly. And then it talks about another type of people. It talks About People with Power, Peace, Happiness, and a Sense of Direction. how'd you like to have that that's everything I ever wanted power peace happiness direction I don't know if I had those things that's good enough and the difference between the people with the bedevilments and the people with power, peace, happiness and a sense of direction is These people with power have God as the central fact in their lives. Isn't that interesting? That these people who gave up their own ego to start worshiping something besides themselves, all of a sudden found power, peace, happiness and a sense of direction. power I'll give you the most obvious example do you think I have power I do I have loads of it but it's not mine okay I get the power of God will allow me to sit here and tell you the truth even if you don't like it. Which is not my intent. I mean, my intent's to tell you The Truth, but my intent is to have you like The Truth too. And my intent isn't to be so caught up in my own ego that I have to worry about looking good while I'm up here. I don't give a shit. I have the power to sit here and be really clear about what I believe and what my experience is, and you can add the same thing. No. Ego, the ego is the enemy. The ego is evil. So what I have is I have God's power. And I can sit here and tell you the truth and feel comfortable having this kind of just general conversation with you or specific conversation about how to recover from alcoholism or at least my experience with recovery from alcoholismo. And I also have the power to attempt to give you hope, to share with you that you have no idea what you can become. That your ability to succeed in every area of your life is way beyond anything you've considered. And all it takes is a lot of work. But are you willing to do that? Would you like to know who you really are? Would you like to known what God's intent for you was the day you were born into this world? Would you like to know what the future offers when you've taken all the silly belief out of your head and you've told yourself that you are a child of God and that you have access to as much success is you can stand if you're willing to pay the price. Would you like to know? Well, go look for it. You can find it. You know, people go, how come you don't care if other people like you? And I go, because I am who I want to be. And we all have choices. We all have choice. We all make choices in this life and see what happens to people with diminished self-esteem, like people like us who have been down some pretty muddy roads and then think, well, I'm not much of a person. Okay? When I find out that's an absolute lie, that I don't have to believe it anymore and that I have as much a right to live in this world successfully as anyone else does, then I'll start doing that. See, and when I found out I was a child of God and equal to anyone, and I believe that, down to the bottom of my soul, and I believed the same thing about you. And when that happens, I get a choice in who I'm going to be. All I have to do is define the principles I want to live by. You know, that's a good exercise if you ever want to do it. So I'm going to be straightforward. I'm gonna be candid. I am going to do what I want to do. I am gonna be as helpful as I can be and I am goin' to place other people's welfare above my own. That's what the book suggests. And so you wanna see the difference between a recovered person and an unrecovered person? an unrecovered person says, where's mine? And a recovered person says what can I do for you? That's the difference. That's that's the hallmark of recovery in this program is going from grabbing every damn thing you can get your fingers on to saying isn't there some way I can be of help to you? even if I tell you something you don't want to hear. So I made a choice about who I wanted to be and then I defined the principles I wanted to live by and I asked for God's help to become that kind of person and I have become that. Now people will look at me and they'll go, that's what you wanted to become? And some people think I'm a little short-sighted, but I am who I want to be. And as soon as I am Who I want To Be, I stop defending myself. How much time do you spend defending yourself? No, I'm really all right. No, no. Everything's okay. I just don't do it. You know, I work with antisocial people. I work with inmates. So some inmate will come up to me and go, you're an asshole. And I go, yeah, sometimes. Now, you can't have an argument with someone you agree with. So, you know, what do you think I'm going to do next? Invite them to dinner. I just, you know what? I am who I am. And I ask God on a regular basis to make me who He wants me to be. Do you know the fear prayer? God, please remove my fear and direct my attention to what You would have me be. Not what You Would Have Me Do. what you would have me be. I use that prayer all the time. That's probably, for the people that I know that are really into working steps, that's probably the most common prayer that those people use. So I am who I am. And you have the same choices. Here's the problem with not making that choice. If your self-esteem is so reduced, is so diminished, By what you believe about yourself? You're going to allow other people to decide who you are. Then you walk around, and because you think you may really screw up if you make a decision about who you Are, you go around and ask other people, Who am I? And as soon as you do that, you lose the game. it's not other people's jobs to define you it's your job and as soon as someone else tells you who you are what they're really telling you is who they want you to be and that may not be anywhere close to your best interest so start defining who you were start deciding who you want to be and then start acting like that and ask for God's help in doing that. And when you do that, you do not have to defend yourself anymore. You just don't. Now, all this is good information, but you can't do it unless you do the steps. This is an integral part of finding the lies in your life when you go through the steps. So if you just try and say, well, I'm going to find out who I am, but I'm not going to do the steps, good luck. I don't think you can get to it. So, am I even willing to believe? If desperation doesn't drive you there, find something that will. get god in your life god is the central fact in this whole thing you know they tried a program called alcoholics victorious that was aa without god are you aware of it the woman that started it is spending i think uh 25 years in prison for vehicular homicide for killing somebody whilst she was driving drunk. And she believed that you could take God out of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's how well it worked. So, you know, sometimes people will say, well, I want to talk about the spiritual part of the program. There is no spiritual part in the program The whole program is spiritual. And if you don't like... See, when I got sober, people would go, well, I'm not really into this God stuff. And what people would say is, hey, if God drives you out, alcohol will drive you back. And it's true. And most of us will not turn to God unless we have exhausted every other resource that's available. And as soon as we are left destitute of resources, we will finally turn to God and say, help. I got to tell you, it works a little better if you do it earlier so you don't get your ass ripped completely off. So the one point that I'd really like you to be aware of is that you have choices about who you are. Don't run around asking someone else to define you. They won't tell you anything except what they want you to do. be. And I know that that happens in particular with women, and we are, men are generally the perpetrators of that. Go around and say, well, you're not really that smart, you need to have me around. And, you know, if I wasn't here, you'd really be in trouble, and you need to have me next to you and in return for my looking kindly upon you, here's what I expect. Well, bite me. Okay, so we have to become willing to believe that there is God. And you don't have to have a clear definition. People go, I'll believe in God when I can define God. You're attempting the impossible. All right, here are the descriptors of God. Infinite, omniscient, omnipresent, all-powerful. All these definitions that have no beginnings and no ends. Okay? So the truth is that you couldn't define God in your best moments because God, by its very definition, is beyond our comprehension. See, so if you want to play that game about I need to know God before I'll believe in God, you're just blowing smoke up your own backside. The thing that that book talks about is an act of faith. An act of faith is believing in something even with the lack of any concrete proof and proceeding based on that belief. Can you do that? You know, if you're an obstinate person like me, I'll look at that and go, no. But see, my desperation, my alcoholism said, okay, but I'm not going to like it. Right? I'll believe in God, but I don't trust it. I don' t like it. I don''t want to go off on some sort of hairy adventure with something I can't even see, touch, feel, whatever. But I'll turn to God. Now, it doesn't take any more than that. Just a willingness to believe. Do you think that maybe under the right circumstances that there is a God and He gives a damn about you? and then start proceeding on the basis that maybe there is one, maybe he cares and maybe I can build a life around that. And so you go. I did silly stuff when I first got sober where I would talk to this priest. He and I became good friends and we used to go fishing out on Lake Winnebago. And he would say, well, so what do you think about God? And I'd say, I try not to. And he'd say would you give God, would you turn your life over to God for this morning? And I'll say yeah and if it screws it up by 12 o'clock I'll take it back. And he had that kind of attitude about God. And then I found out that my life was changing. And my sponsor came to me and he said, He said, He said what you've been sober for a while now and your life's changing and what's made the difference? and i said i don't know and he said did you change your diet and i said no and he said are you exercising and i said no and he said are you going to work every day and i said no and he said so what's the difference and i said i don't know and he said well something's different and i said yep and he said are you praying And I said, uh-huh. And he said, why are you doing that? I said because you told me to. And he said, is there anything else that's different? And I said, quit asking questions. No, I don't think so. And he said, would you concede that you're sober today by the grace of a God you don't even believe in? That's an interesting question. See, and I had to give that some thought. It was the same sort of question that I was asked the first day when that priest said, can you stop drinking? Well, you're out of luck. And I mean, I got the same response from that. Maybe my life is different because I'm trying to believe. And it was. So, do you have to understand God? No, because you can't. You can see manifestations of God. You can sea God through other people. You can se God through the circumstances of your life. You can seas God in the eyes of your children. You can sees God all over the place. And if that's not proof enough, your own life will be if you believe in it. So, do you have any questions about that? Are you willing to believe? Are you? Any of you that aren't? Okay, so what do you do with it? Now it gets a little tricky. When you start talking about the third step, it's not just about turning our will and our life over. All of a sudden it's about alcoholism. See, now all of a suddenly the book is talking about alcohol. Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our problems. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self pity and whatever else that says. We step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate seemingly without cause. Did you ever notice that? Did you every have somebody retaliate against you and you're going, why are you doing that? See an alcoholic is self will run riot. Okay, so we're out there stepping on the toes of those around us and they're going, who the hell do you think you are? And we're going. I'm just trying to do the right thing for who? So all of a sudden, the book says that the disease is not putting a bottle up. the disease is selfishness and self-centeredness. That's the root of the problem. So I'm looking at my sponsor, and I'm going, what is that, some kind of Zen thing? And he said, that's what your alcoholism is. And I went, no it isn't. And he says, well, what is it then? And I said, it's my inability to leave alcohol alone. If there's a bottle there, I just drink all of it. And he's going, yeah, but the reason why you drink all of it is selfishness and self-centeredness. And see, my mind can't wrap around that. I'm looking at it and he's saying selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. Those are the basis of your disease. and I'm going, that doesn't make sense to me. The basis of my disease is I drink too much. And he's going, yeah, but this is why you drink that much and if you can do something about selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear, you not only don't have to drink anymore, you don't even have to want to drink any more. Are you willing to do that? See, well, I'm willing to do anything not to live that kind of life anymore. I'm not a really � I was a tough drunk, I thought, okay? But I made a lot of concessions pretty quickly. And it was all about I don't ever want to drink again. So he says, Are you willing to believe that these are the things that cause you to drink? And, you know, I think I'm humoring him. And then he throws that third step prayer in front of me. God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help. Thy power, thy love, and thy way of life may I do thy will always. See, there's no amen on the end of that, just for grins. That's because you're not done. After you do the third step, you launch into a rigorous inventory. So, I'm looking at this and he says, what do you think of that prayer and i said uh i don't know and he said well i want you to think about it for a week and then i wantyou to come back and tell me whether you're going to do it or not and i says all right and he says but let's talk about itfor a few minutes here and i say all rightand he says so when it says god i offer myself to build with me and to do with me as I will, what's that mean? And I said, it looks like I'm agreeing to let God do whatever He wants with me. And he said, that's right. You're making an open agreement with God that He can do anything with you that He wants. Anything. Let your imagination go. Are you willing to let God do anything with you that he has in mind? And my mind immediately has me selling religious tracts in Nairobi. and I'm going well I don't know and he said let's look at the rest of it relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will my bondage is self my bondge is my ego my bondige is me in that the biggest challenge that I face at this point in time is that I don't think about anything but me. I can't even think about you unless it's about me. So the bondage itself is like living with looking into a periscope that's aimed at your forehead. all you can see is you all you can consider is you so the bondage itself is that I can't think about anything else but me that's bondage now what happens when you, all you can think about is yourself everything gets magnified all of a sudden you spend your whole life pole vaulting over mouse turds. All of a sudden, everything is a big deal. And that's all you can think about. But as soon as I start thinking about someone else, which is this wonderful exercise in the tenth step which says we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help, then everything isn't magnified anymore. then I'm not in self, then I're not in fear, then I am not in all this other stuff that's attached to my disease. So relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do God's will. Let me get out of myself so at least I can see someone else and I can try and do God' s will. The best part of that prayer is take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. Bearing witness means being an example. And so let me be an example, let people see that 36 years, 37 years ago, I was a hopeless, helpless, chronic alcoholic alcoholic, who had no future, a lousy past, no friends, and no prospects. And that my life was over. And see that God pulled me up out of that quagmire of alcoholism and has made me a productive member of society, a successful businessman, a person who has the love of all of my children and my grandchildren and the respect of my peers, how did that happen? That's God. That wasn't me. I mean, I was a hopeless, fallen down, stumbling drunk. And all of a sudden my life changed and I became something entirely different. And the question is, will you make that kind of deal? Now, I went back after a week and my sponsor said, you want to do this? And I said, no. And he said, then I can't help you. and I said I didn't say I wasn't going to do it I just said I didn't want to do it and he said okay get down on your knees and hold my hands and say the prayer and mean it the book says we thought well before making this decision knowing that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him that's a strong statement abandon ourselves utterly to Him, and I'm sitting there going, this is going to be the biggest mistake I ever made. And my sponsor explained to me that sometimes God will take a much stronger position than we do in that prayer. And that he'll take it for what you just said. So I got down on my knees and he said, why don't you want to do it? And I said, I don't want to give God that kind of power in my life. And so I got up on my knee and I said the prayer and got up and my sponsor started chuckling. And I said, what's so damn funny? And he said, you don't want to give God that kind of power in your life? And I says, right. And he says, He's got all the power anyway. This is just an exercise in who's God and who's the drunk. And see, at some point I have to define my position and I'm the hopeless, helpless alcoholic and He's God. And I need to understand that. So, I was scared. I was terrified when I took my first third step. Now, what do I do today? I throw myself at God's feet. Literally. I put everything on the table. I am willing that God does anything up to and including kill me on the spot for a new beginning. There's two places where I absolutely put everything on the table and throw myself at God's feet, and that's in the third step and the seventh step. and what I know today is that after having done that and after having the experiences that came as a result of that I have no fear of throwing myself at God's feet I know that if I can walk past my ego which says don't do that you'd have no idea what God's going to do God's gonna fuck you up and then that's gonna be the end of it um no my experience is that god takes me to a better place and it you know uh you know what's really exciting being in god's army we're on the leading the book says we're on the leaning edge of his ever advancing creation and so that means that he's going to put us right out in front And if you've ever been in the military, that's not a great place to be. But that's where God wants us. He wants us right out in front and he wants us to have strong beliefs and strong opinions and the willingness to step up as someone's dying from this disease. And do you have the courage? I'm going to ask you that over and over again. And if you keep nodding your head, yes, you damn well better step up the next time something happens. Otherwise, you're just lying. And sometimes it's hard to do that because of our fear of looking bad to other people. Get over it. Step up means when you're in a position where you can really help someone, but you're going to look bad. And your ego is barking at you and saying, don't say that, don'say that. Everybody in this room is going to hate you if you say that. You're going look bad and they're all going to think you're a jerk and everybody's going to dislike you and the next time you come back to this meeting nobody's going talk to you because they're are all going think that you're just a big smart ass. So what? But are you willing to save somebody's life by telling the truth? See, that's a thing that we suffer from in Alcoholics Anonymous now. Is that people are so caught up in this fear of looking bad. You want to know a really good secret? You want know a secret? I'll tell you. Everybody's afraid of looking bed. You know what the secret is? Nobody's looking. Do you know that everybody else is all caught up in their own stuff? And they can't even see you. Can't see me either. Okay? And so what you do will hardly be noticed. And so we think we're going to look bad and make a bad impression. Everybody's going to just go, well, don't hang around that jerk. And you know what? Most of the time they don't even say it. And we're so caught up, we're so self-centered that we think everybody else is thinking about us all the time. You want to know the truth? For the most part they never think about us. We are irrelevant in almost everything. People just don't think about us. And we are sure they are but But the truth is they're not. They don't care, okay? So if you're afraid of looking bad, get over it. Nobody's looking. Okay. So I have to make this commitment that I am willing to live by spiritual principles, which is what that is about. I am going to try and live a life that's centered around my belief in God. And am I willing to do that? The other thing is that if we're going to go right into inventory, we better have some sort of basis for doing that or we'll never get through it. So at some point, if you want to try an interesting experience, do what I do. Throw yourself at God's feet unreservedly and say, God, whatever you've got in mind, I'm up for it. Whatever you have in mind. I am up for. And see what happens. See if your worst fears come true. You know what an alcoholic mind does? An alcoholic mind takes a piece of information, goes to absolutely the worst kind of catastrophic conclusion and starts building a house. I'll tell you what someone asked me to do one time just to prove the point. They said, have you got one of those flip calendars on your desk? And I said, yep. and they said for the next six months I want you to write down the thing you were most afraid of that day, every day. So every day at the end of the day I'd write down what I was most afraid of happening and go home. And after six months this person said now I want you to review all of those pages for the last six months to find out how many of those things happened. So I did. None of them happened. And if you don't believe that, buy a flip calendar and find out for yourself. Things are rarely what they seem to be. try to remember that in rough times because sometimes here's what happens to me when i was seven years sober i got a divorce after i can't remember 20 22 years of marriage my kids stopped talking to me because their mother sort of poisoned the well i don't know how else to explain that um i my business almost went bankrupt i got sued by a business partner that i a minority business partner that i had fired for four and a half million bucks then my car burned up and all this happened in a period of about six weeks and i figured i had done something to really irritate god and i went to this guy that i knew had a really strong spiritual program and i said my life just came apart and he said what's the matter bob everything you know doesn't work anymore? And I said, precisely. And he said, God wants you to grow in understanding and effectiveness, and you're such a pig-headed bastard that that's the only way he can get your attention. Well, that's not very nice. And what happened was that I had a very uncomfortable time. My business didn't go bankrupt. I was divorced. My kids, I have this absolutely incredible relationship with my children. And the lawsuit was just someone being litigious was just somebody getting mad and going, I'll fix you. I'll sue you. Anybody can sue anybody. And it just so happened at that point in time that I started sponsoring the general partner of the biggest law firm in Denver. And he said, I can fix that for you. And a week later he had this litigator working in his office that put half the organized crime figures in Chicago in prison and this guy went out to visit the guy that sued me and it was over. It stopped. And, uh, it's just amazing. Um, so one of the things that we used to hear a lot, uh when I was sober a little while was people saying the hardest thing about trusting God is trusting God. You know, I just won't turn to God easily. And that gets a little better over time. But because we are brought up with this whole idea of self-sufficiency, we just don't want to turn because we think it's embarrassing or weak or whatever and at some point I'll tell you what if you're in dire circumstances at somepoint you'll have to so you can shortcut the pain if you want to and you can go directly to God anytime you'd like that probably comes as good news if you want to So I prepare myself for inventory by agreeing with God that he can do whatever he's got in mind. And I can tell you from experience that whatever he has got in his mind is better than anything that I have got in mine. in that I will try and self-will myself through something. In the end, it's always worse than if I turn to God in the process. So, you know, I'm just telling you what I do. You don't have to do any of this. I'm not just telling me what I'm doing. I'm telling you that there is a big difference between engaging in the recovery process of Alcoholics Anonymous and hoping for the best. And if you want to have an interesting experience, do not put any poetic license in this process. Work out of the big book. Every half-assed therapist in the United States has tried to put their thumbprint on Alcoholics Anonymous. And there are myriads of workbooks, outlines, all kinds of stuff that purport to be better than the big book itself. Clearer, easier, you can put check marks in there instead of explaining yourself. My advice is run for your life. Take the big book, follow the directions, and see what happens. And I'll tell you what happened to me. In 1975, there was an international convention in Denver. I was on the hospitality committee. A guy came down and spoke. There were 17,000 people at that convention. The guy from Winnipeg came down there and spoke, his name was Mac Cheater, he's dead now. And he talked about the Golden Slipper Group in WinniPEG. And nobody could stay sober, that's why they called them the GoldenSlippers. and he said they decided that they were going to take a whole new approach towards Alcoholics Anonymous. That instead of talking about the steps or rationalizing about the steps or intellectualizing about the steps, they were gonna take a all new approach. They were gonna do the steps. So they started at the forward to the first edition where it says to show others precisely how we have recovered, is the main purpose of this book. And every time it said pray, they prayed. Every time it says write, they wrote. Every time its said make a decision, they made a decision. Every time is said do anything, they did it. And they did as a group, which was interesting. They all got together and they just said let's read this and when it says do something, we did it, and that's what they did. Now, we were listening closely to that. And there were 14 of us who were involved in that convention that were good friends. We were the Old Denver Young People's Group. Shows you how long ago that was. We were The Old Denver Youth. We were a young people's group. And 14 of US got together after that convention. And we got together in this guy named Jay Levy in his basement and started at the beginning of the book and did everything through the whole first part of the book up to the stories. Every time it said do something, we did it. So we prayed and we followed directions and we wrote and we made decisions and we did all of that. And every time it says do something we did with the exception of a guy named Eddie Durkin who decided that that was all messed up and he didn't want to do it anymore and he went down to Larimer Street, which is Skid Row in Denver, and died, froze to death in a doorway in December in Denver. Which is a damn cold place in December. And he froze to dead in a driveway. Out of the 14 of us, 13 of us are still sober or died sober. That was 1975. Does this work? You bet your backside this works. Are you willing to do that? That's up to you. If you have questions about this, ask me. I've been doing it for a long time and I'll share anything with you about my sobriety, including the bad stuff. Is it when you get sober, is it like just having a lifetime supply of Thorazine? No, it's not. One of the things that the book says is it talks about certain trials and low spots ahead. Okay? This is not all peaches and cream. This is life in reality. this is standing in the middle of life in any of life's circumstances and being able to live successfully one of the promises in the book is we will learn to face life successfully I know how to face life successfully and sometimes it's not fun at all but I can face it I'm not afraid of it I believe that God is always taking me to a better place even though there are bumps in the road. My perception's changed. I think that I'm probably one of the luckiest people in the world, and it's because God loves me. But I also know that God loves you as much as he loves me, no matter what you believe. So if there's anything I want to do this weekend, And it's, I want you to know that God really works. That he loves you. That your future, the most, here's the line in the book, the most rewarding years of your existence lie ahead. I have never found a lie in the big book. The most rewarding ears of your experience lie ahead that means your life's going to get pretty fun pretty interesting pretty rewarding pretty good and are you willing to be there for it one of the things that it's going take is it's gonna take some courage on your part that means that you're gonna have to put your fear in your pocket and you're going to have to go look at who you really are You're going to have to find out what the lies are in your existence, in your head, the kind of information that's preventing you from becoming the person that God always intended you to be and get rid of it and find out that they are just abject lies that are promoted by the ego. So if you come tomorrow morning, I'll show you how to do that. Thanks. Thank you for listening.