The Phenomenon of Craving and Physical Allergy – Workshop: Steps 1 – Part 9 of 11 – Local AA Speakers

All right. So those of you that have a book, we're going to be jumping around in this thing. And let's go over to the doctor's opinion. All right, in the doctor'S Opinion on the very first page, it talks about in the course of his third treatment, they're talking about Bill Wilson. So if he had three treatments, it means the first two didn't work. So Bill had a little slipping problem here. so if you've been to AA more than once you might take encouragement from the fact that one of the founders didn't get this until his third treatment he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery as part of his rehabilitation he commenced to present his conceptions to other alcoholics impressing upon them that they must do likewise with still others You will hear in AA meetings from well-meaning, well-intentioned people saying, don't do any 12-step work until you've done the steps. That is in direct contradiction with what I just read. And so we use the book as our guideline, not the opinions of our members. On the next page, in the fourth edition, it's XXVI. Down about three-fifths of the way down the page, it says, In our belief, find that and I'll continue. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leads out this physical factor is incomplete. If that's a true statement and we believe it is, then the corollary of that is equally true, the opposite. And that is, any pictures of recovery from alcoholism that leads out the physical factor is incomplete. Very, very incomplete. That was Dr. Bob's problem, time permitting. We'll cover that, how that worked. The next page, the very top, first paragraph. Want to read that paragraph, Daniel? We believe and so suggest a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. It's a phenomenon of craving that's limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. Never occurs. Never occurs in an average tempered drinker, correct? These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. Never safely use. never they're talking about us now we can never safely use alcohol and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it once having lost their lost their self-confidence their reliance upon things human their problems pile up by them and they become astonishingly difficult to solve the important thing to remember about that is this never occurs in average tempered drinkers and it always occurs in us always every time so if you're trying to explain this thing to family members who do not have this and have not experienced this phenomenon of craving they're not going to understand we barely understand it here now let me cover this phenomena of craving? Daniel is going to be our interpreter, and when we run into really tough words, he's going to explain them. And if he does it wrong, I'll re-explain it. What does phenomena mean? Unfiguratable? Unfigurable. That's what phenomena means. Okay, so don't try and figure The definition of phenomena, if you look up in the dictionary, you can't escape the fact it means unfigurable. That's why they call it a phenomena. So don't try and figure it out. But let me tell you how I came to believe that I had this thing. Early on in sobriety there was a man sharing in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and he said over and over and over in my life I told my wife I'm going to be home for dinner tonight sweetie I know I blew it last night but I'm gonna be home for dinner I promise I'm a man of my word and I promise and he meant every word of it he worked hard that day said I think I'll just stop in for a couple of drinks before I go home had a couple of drinks Julio came in with a good dope and it was out by the dumpster smoking a J put a quarter on the pool table I'll play one game then I'll go home just like I said next thing he did is look to his watch and it's 11 o'clock and it occurred to him that that wife of his was as pissed off as she was ever going to get and he wasn't going to go home and let her ruin what had already been a fine evening and that happened over and over and over and over now the translation of all that stuff is here's a man who with the very best of intentions promised the woman that loved him and that he loved that he would be home for dinner and meant every word of it and he went into a bar and started drinking the phenomena of craving occurs every time an alcoholic drinks, and he was no longer drinking to enjoy his drinking. He was drinking to satisfy a physical craving for alcohol that was beyond his mental control. The mental part of our thinking goes immediately when we start drinking. It's gone. That ability to care for other people, the ability to give a crap is gone. and we drink until we're done and you know this is the first half of the first step this is the powerless over alcohol you know when I was new I heard people say stuff like you know it's the first drink that gets you drunk and I could never figure out what the hell they were talking about until somebody sat down and read the doctor's opinion with me and I learned about the phenomena of craving and I knew that once I introduced alcohol into my system i didn't have any choice whether or not i was going to take the next drink and then it all made sense i was powerless over alcohol you know i knew when i got here i was done because i didn t want anymore what i had but i didn' t know about alcohol or alcoholism and it's important that we know because when we're saying we're powerless over our alcohol and our life is unmanageable you have to know what that means besides just what the words say on the page And it's all right here. You don't have to turn to it, but it's in a vision for you on page 155. This is Bill Wilson talking about Dr. Bob. And he said, painfully aware of being somehow abnormal, the man did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic. Now, if you got as much out of high school as I did, which is almost nothing, then you tend to think you know what they're talking about. And at first blush, that looks like he's saying he did not know he was an alcoholic. That is not what's being said here. dr bob was absolutely convinced he was an alcoholic he was absolutely convinced he needed to stop drinking he had been to the oxford group he'd been to church and then the confession had been here had been there he talked to nearly every human being he knew that knew anything about alcoholism and he still was unable to not drink and he did not know about the stuff we're talking about today. He did not know this thing called the phenomena of craving that's what it means to be alcoholic, not an alcoholic, what it mean to be alcoholic this is what we have in common you say well I don't relate to the people in AA you only got to relate to one thing all these men and many more have one symptom in common they cannot start drinking without the phenomena of craving development if you don't get this what we're talking about right here if you don t get this here if you dont reach into your own experience and find a way to understand what i am talking about there's no sense in doing a fourth and a fifth step and a sixth and a seventh, and eighth, and ninth because you ain't going to be here to do them anyway. This is the thing that you have to admit to your innermost self like it talks about in chapter three we learned that we had to concede to our innermOST selves that we were alcoholics. We learned and if the word we learned is used there is a subtle implication that we didn't know you don't have to learn something you already know and this is what most alcoholics don't know that they can never safely drink alcohol because of this phenomenon of craving and if you think that's bad news it gets worse Alcoholics Anonymous has absolutely totally and completely ruined my life and Kelly's life and Daniel's life and if you think we're going to let you out of here without ruining your life you're in for a big surprise because if you're like me you needed something to ruin your life the way you were living it thank God alcoholism now just ruins our life take over all right now further down on the bottom of that page you know it talks about men and women essentially because they are like they like the effect produced by alcohol I drank for the effect I like what alcohol did for me, I like the way it made me feel I like to when I would take a drink nothing else mattered it says the sensation is so elusive that while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. I think about that and I think about the friggin' day before I got here and I thinking about where I was at and friggin coming to in that avocado grove and not having a friggin clue and having those feelings on how in the heck did I end up here. I had so much going on and here I am. you know and uh and the thing and i i remember that it was you know from up to that point it was okay being where i was where i Was at and i used to look down my nose at other people My alcohol life was the only normal one. It was perfectly normal for me to be that way The next sentence states it says they are restless irritable and discontented Unless they can again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks I used to think that I always read that wrong in my earlier years and what that means to me now is that being an alcoholic and without alcohol I am restless, irritable and discontented alcohol is what fixed me that's what made me okay and you know then it goes on it says ease and comfort would come at once by taking a few drinks, drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do in the phenomena of craving, there it is again, the phenomenaof craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of esprit, emerging remorseful with the firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over unless this person can experience an entire psychic change. there is very little hope of his recovery entire psychic change we get that as a result of taking the steps down a little further down on the page it starts out with faced with this problem a couple paragraphs down if a doctor is honest with himself he must sometimes feel his own inadequacy although he gives all that is in him it is often not enough one feels bear in mind this is being told and written by a scientific man who is probably more agnostic than anything else one feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change something more than human power how about those ABC's huh that we're alcoholics we could not manage our own lives probably no human power could relieve our alcoholism that God couldn't when he was on now if this was a meeting down in the flatlands we would talk to you about how we're suggesting this stuff to you but this is up on the mountain where all the real alcoholics come whether they know it or not and we're going to tell you that you're either going to find God or you're goingto die drunk that's the story here this is about a power greater than yourself relieving you of this thing Daniel do you have anything to say actually yeah there's a thing they mention on right up here on XXVII and the doctor writes, he says we doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance right here and the way I got and I've experienced moral psychology and the way I got it was through finding higher power a God of my understanding and not so much a God of my understanding but a God that I realize totally understands me that's a heavy weight to go now if you're like me and you're looking at this thing psychic change you sit there what the heck are they talking about what exactly does that mean you know and I don't know if I heard it somewhere or whether I just friggin read it one day and it all made sense But on page 27 in the big book, about halfway down the page, our friend Roland Hazard is talking to Dr. Yoon. And he can't believe that he had gone through his treatment and he had friggin' showed up drunk again. And he's asking the doctor, you know, what the heck is wrong with me? And the doctor says, you have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you. Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang, yet he said to the doctor, is there no exception? Yes, replied the doctor. There is exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times here and there once in a while. Alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. Entire psychic change. To me, these occurrences are phenomena. Unfigurable. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. Ideas, emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of these men. Who thinks his life is the only normal one? And they come in at Alcoholics Anonymous and they find out what their problem was they begin to take the steps, working with others and they suddenly cast to one side those things and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to nominate them. It starts off with a very, very minute change. You come to your first AA meeting and you're not sure you really want to quit drinking. You probably want to get in a wrecked car and go into jail and an old lady sitting across from you in the morning with a black eye that you gave her but quitting drinking seems like a pretty severe cure. But you hear somebody you relate to a little bit says, keep coming back and go to a meeting every day. So you go to another meeting, and you say, well, you know, maybe they've got something here. And in a relatively short period of time, you have cast aside that conception and that idea about how you need alcohol in order to get through. and a new conception comes in. I don't drink for one day and I go to meetings and you get some physical sobriety. And when you start sponsoring guys or if you already are, make sure that they get some physical sobrity. Don't lean on them too hard about getting involved for a week or so. Let them get some physical sobrieties so when you're talking to them it'll make sense to them. let them get some physical stress and call me in the morning go to a meeting and call me at night if they do all that stuff man they're on the road they're on the roads these ideas emotions and attitudes for an alcoholic who is still drinking these are the things that cause our lives become unmanageable because that's how we operate those are the things we live by and to us it's the only normal one like Steve said, that's our life and this is how our life becomes unmanageable we don't even see that it's unmanangeable I didn't think there was anything wrong with my life until I got into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I really didn't That is kind of what we do with the first step the first steps is, like Kelly says, it's in two parts. We're powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. What this is is an exposition that tells you why one part of you is powerless over alcohol. The physical part of view is powerless over alchohol only when alcohol is introduced into your system. And this would be a one-step program. If that's all there was to it, it would be quit drinking. But there's more to it. I told you it gets worse. It does. There is a mental aspect. Second step is came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Well, what kind of sanity are they talking about and insanity? The subtle insanity of the first drink. When Chucky, who lives up here, breaks out of the cage and gives you some threadbare bullshit reason for having a drink and you go, sounds good to me. You know all about the phenomenon of craving, but an obsession is this thought that is so powerful it crowds everything else out of the mind and you think only about that about a drink about a needle about effects and you're gone because you have no mental defense against the first drink on page 24 there's a paragraph there that's in italics when I got sober my sponsor told me when there's something in italic underline it and highlight it it's in italics for added emphasis it means don't miss this the fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times, remember that certain times, we are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. we are without defense against the first drink at certain times there's a guy in chapter 3 I think it is where it talks about let's just go there real quick and then we'll get back here chapter 3 starts on page 31 let's look at page 34 There's a couple of things I'd like to cover on that. Middle of the page, first paragraph, the last part of it. Whether such a person can quit on a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power of choice whether he will drink or not. Now, one of the utility values of understanding that is there are certain people who come into Alcoholics Anonymous and never take the steps they get involved you know they help others do commitments all this other stuff but they never really take the steps and they become very good members of Alcoholics Anonymous they're not all crazy and that's who they're talking about whether or not a man can quit on a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent that he's lost the power of choice. And nowhere in this book does it talk about getting the choice back. If you've lost the Power of Choice, it is gone. It talks in here in this Book about to go on blotting out our existence the best we could or to accept spiritual help was not always an easy choice to make. But that's the choice you have if you're a real alcoholic. And what is a real alcohol? Turn to page 21. First indented paragraph down. Well, what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker. He may or may not become a continuous hard drinker, but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink. Now turn over to the first page in the chapter to the agnostics. That's one definition of a real alcoholic. And in the first paragraph, it says, In the preceding chapters, you have learned something about alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably an alcoholic. those are two descriptions of the alcoholic and neither one of them are like a horror story you don't have to have a horror story to be an alcoholic you have to have the phenomena of craving and the mental obsession to drink some of you men in this room are younger and you don't have to go through the 15 or 20 years of that absolute nightmare that some of us went through. Don't short yourself if you don' t have all these stories about wrecking cars and robbing banks and all that other stuff. That's not what Alcoholics Anonymous is about. AlcoholicsAnonymous is about freedom from the bondage and slavery of alcohol addiction. And if you've got it, you've done it. You've got to take care of it now. Don't be one of those guys that says I wish I would have listened when I was younger. I do not want my story to end up did you hear what happened to Steve? I don't want that shit up. I want him coming over there to a memorial for me and saying this was a good member of Alcoholics Anonymous. He cleaned up the wreckage of his past and he helped some other people and I'm going to miss him. You know, you go to those memorials and they say well, I know that so-and-so doesn't want us to cry and everything. He wants us to be happy and everything else. If you go to my memorial, I want you to miss me, man. I want you to be I'm gonna miss Steve very dearly. You know? Don't be happy that I'm gone. while we're on that page page 44 in the next paragraph it says to be doomed to an alcoholic death doomed if you're an alcoholic you're doomed to an alcoholic death or to live a life on a spiritual basis and not always use the alternative space. But face him, we must. And the reason that we must is remember that we talked about that at certain times? He's unable to bring into his mind. Let's go back to that page. Yeah, page 24. I want to be on the next page, but let's go right back to it. Let's get back to page 24 right across from that hidden in italics is the statement, there is a solution. Now, the way this got driven home to me was I was eight years sober and I was over at a camp pension in Beaver, Utah with my best AA friend who died March of this year. And he said, He said, have you ever read that chapter, There Is A Solution? I said, a dozen times. He said what's the solution? I said, find the power greater in yourself. He says, what's the solution? And I said going to meetings. He said, what is the solution. He said are you sure you have read this chapter? This is my best friend. You need a best friend like that. A guy that is going to call you out. Because the thing about it is I started reading the book because I am going to call that bastard out on something. I don't know what it is I'm going to call him out on something. So he gets a book out and he says, read this. I said, there is a solution. Almost none of us like the self-searching. That's called an inventory. The leveling of our pride. That's call the fifth step. The confession of shortcomings. No, that's not the fifth set. That's your sponsor. The confession of short comings. That's the fifth tip, which the process requires for its successful consummation. Again, you will hear well-meaning, well-intentioned people saying there are no requirements in AA. That's not what this says. It says there are requirements if you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps. If is a conditional word. It means on the condition that. So if you won what we had And if you want what this process requires for a successful consummation, you are going to have to fulfill certain requirements. And those requirements once again are self-searching, leveling of the pride, and confession of shortcomings. If you're up on top of this hill, you're going to be able to do it more than once. Take that to the banks. You do a little chicken scratching and get the big shit out of the way. And then you can get down to what's really going on. Later on down on that page, he says the great fact is just this and nothing less. That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude towards life. An entire psychic change. What Kelly talked about on page 27. we have had that as a result of fulfilling these requirements the central fact in our life today is the absolute certainty that our creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way notice it didn't enter into our head he entered into our heart and lives in a ways which is indeed miraculous was he has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves, like get sober and stay sober, like get a job and show up to work, like paying your bills, like making amends to your mom and dad, like doing all that stuff you heard about in the Magic and Power of the Twelve Steps. The last thing on that page I'd like to cover is the last part. We had but two alternatives. One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could, and the other was to accept spiritual health. Now you notice there's a little bit of a theme here. They go over and over andover andover what is basically the same information. Why do they do that? It's because through repetition comes recognition. Through repetition comes recognition. And it's not three different chapters. and there's a solution that's there more about alcoholism on page 34 that Steve Redman is right there, the last thing that he read on page 44 in The Agnostics it's the same stuff, beautifully how this thing was written, about how he can say the same thing and just put a little twist on it but it's actually the same things and he does that throughout the book with many different things and I think it's because if you are anything like me, I'm a little bit of a slow learner i need to read things over and over again for it to sink in you know and that thing there on the great fact that steve read about you know if you uh if you flip your book over to page 51 at the bottom of that top paragraph it says when many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the presence of god is today the most important fact in their lives the presence of a powerful they present a powerful reason why one should have faith so you see they're getting in here there's a solution they're delving deeply into the second step by the time we get into the second step you know and if you're on page 51 flip over to page 52 second big paragraph down we had to ask ourselves why shouldn't we apply to our human problems this same readiness to change our point of view if this has ever happened to you hold up your hand we were having trouble with personal relationships oh 100% how unusual we couldn't control our emotional natures i accidentally stumbled into the right room today i'll tell you we were afraid of misery and depression we couldn't make a living we had a feeling of uselessness we were full of fear we were unhappy we couldn'T seem to be of real help to other people was not a basic solution to these bedevilments more important than whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight of course it was these are affectionately known as the bedevilments it means these are things that we the human things that we rely on, these are the things that we rely upon that are human deals, this is not these are thing that happen as a result of not relying on something greater than ourselves and if you go over to page 83 bottom of 83 we're talking it's at the beginning of the promises at the end of the ninth step it says we are painstaking about this phase in our development I would like you to really take a good look at that first word if because there's a lot of people that aren't painstaken and they wonder why they're not getting the results on the condition that you are willing to take and do take an unbelievable amount of pain. That's what they're saying about this phase of our development. We will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We Will Not Regret the Past or Wish to Shut the Door on It. We Will Comprehend the Word Serenity and We Will Know Peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. and if you really can take a look at the thing that Steve just read this is the exact opposite of every single one of those eight things and this is a promise that this is what we will have if we do this stuff read that one that says suddenly that promise that says something suddenly that promise it's 30 years no, no, I didn't want to use that oh sorry we will suddenly discover the last thing we will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves ok now that's the second suddenly turn over to page 36 I'm going to show you the other suddenly suddenly the thought crosses mind that if you would put an ounce of whiskey in my milk It wouldn't hurt me on a full stomach. I ordered whiskey and poured it into the milk. I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a whole stomach. Now there's a lot of territory between those two suddenlies, and you're going to experience one of them or the other. there's something that uh steve always asks how do you prepare for suddenly well i'll tell you how not to prepare for it if you flip back to the page 35 and halfway through that second paragraph on the bottom it says all went well for a time he failed to enlarge his spiritual life but he failed too large a spiritual life to his consternation he found himself drunk half a dozen times in rapid succession. And right across from that on page 34, it says this is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it. This utter inability to leave it alone no matter how great the necessity or the wish. I told you it's going to get worse. This is what we're dealing with. Go to page 18 or 19. They say it better than I can ever say it. Okay, hold on. I want to read one more thing before we lose this thought. On page 37, there's a goal with everything that we just discussed. The top paragraph, it says, Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. This is the insanity that they're speaking of in the second step. It is not the crazy stuff that we do against the predicaments we get ourselves in as a result of drinking alcohol. While we're on page 37, drop down to the bottom of that next paragraph. But there was always the curious mental phenomena, unfigure audible, that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably was some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Okay, now, those of you who are looking out the window in math class, like me, they talked about parallel lines never crossing. Remember that? Parallel lines run parallel ad infinitum. Parallels to our normal sound reasoning, they do not cross. You're on one track or the other. you're either on the sound reasoning track when you've been restored to sanity or you're on that track that runs parallel to our normal sound reasoning the insane idea for taking the drink that is what we're talking about that's the subtle insanity of the first drink I'm going to skip page 18 and 19 for a minute because I want to go over to page I think it's 40. No, I wasn't on 40. Okay, 41, sorry. 41, bottom of the page. As soon as I, up on top there's some italics. As I crossed the threshold of the dining room, the thought came to my mind that it would be nice to have a couple of cocktails with dinner. And that was all, nothing more. The page before that said, I rather appreciated your ideas about the subtle insanity which precedes the first drink, but I was confident it could not happen to me after what I had learned. I reasoned I was not as far advanced as most of you fellows, that I had been unusually successful in licking my other personal problems and that I would therefore be successful where you men failed. I felt I had every right to be self-confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my willpower and keeping on guard. And then, not too long after that, as I crossed the threshold of the dining room, the thought came to mind that it was time to go to bed. It would be nice to have a couple of cocktails for dinner. That was all. Nothing more. Down on the bottom of the page, more italics. before that as soon as I regained my ability to think I went carefully over that evening in Washington, not only had I been off guard, remember he was going to stay on guard with all he'd learned, very self confident blah blah blah not only had I been off Guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink, this time I had not even thought of the consequences at all, I commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale i now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me how they prophesied that if i had an alcoholic mind the time and place would come i would drink again they had said that though i did raise a defense it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink well just that did happen and more for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all at certain times we are unable that's what we're talking about at certain time we are able to bring into our memory with sufficient force I knew from that moment I had an alcoholic mind I saw that willpower and self-knowledge would not help me in those strange mental blank spots now you will hear in AA meetings people saying well my alcoholic mind told me and I've got no argument with them saying that but what I'm saying is a little contrary to that I do not have an alcoholic mind I have an alcoholic personality you can take that to the bank but I do NOT have an alcoholic mind the alcoholic mind is that running parallel to our normal sound reasoning is an insane idea for taking a drink. And I don't have that. Turn over to page 101. But I'm going to tell you why you don't want to have an alcoholic mind. I'm gonna tell you why you want to take the steps to get rid of that shit. On page 100, it says assuming we are spiritually fit, we can We do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served. We must not have it in our homes. We must shun friends who drink. We must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes. We must NOT go into bars. Our friends must hide their bottles if they go into the house. We mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so. We meet these conditions every day. an alcoholic who cannot meet them still has an alcoholic mind. There is something the matter with his spiritual status. That's kind of an indictment, but it's also an extremely good reason to take the steps of this program called Alcoholics Anonymous 1-12 under the direction of somebody you trust with your life. Now, that is step two. We're talking about step two, and when we talk about step one, and step one... The only thing we're doing in step one is we're admitting. We're admitting We're just admitting the fact that we are an alcoholic and that our lives had become unmanageable. And in step two, we came to believe. And it's not something that we have to friggin' chew up and digest all at once. For many of us, it's like you need to read that spiritual experience, the appendix two at the back of the book, because it's something that happens over time. For me, it was something that happened to me as a result of taking these steps. and it says so in the big book step two, you don't need to fight off too big of a chunk and try to digest it all at once if you are persistent and you stay sober and you work with others and you do these steps you will come to believe that there is a power greater than you that is doing this for you anybody bring a 12 and 12? When I first got sober, there was a lot of the old-timers that didn't read this book. They didn't want you reading it. Program's in the book. The big book about how he snuck, so that's the way it is. Well, things have relaxed a little bit since then. In here, on page 14, it says in the first two steps, that's what we've just covered, we were engaged in reflection. We saw that we were powerless over alcohol, But we also perceive that faith of some kind, if only in AA itself, is possible to anyone. These conclusions did not require action. They required only. See, there's one of those trick words. What does only mean, Daniel? Only means own. Yeah. Only acceptance. That's all you need is to accept what we're talking about today, that you're powerless over alcohol. You've got a body that can't have alcohol. You've Got a mind that's out of the way of a liquor store. It's a bad combination. We meet these conditions every day. When I leave a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, I've got to go buy three X-rated movies, two strip joints, nine liquor stores, a whorehouse, and a massage parlor to get home. You know how hard that is for a guy like me? I like those places. That's where I had all my fun. But I get home safely because I don't have an alcoholic mind anymore. I bought what they're selling in this book. I bought it. All of it, not some of it. All of them. No reservations, no middle-of-the-road solution. you've got to buy this lock, stock and barrel we read it today I don't know if we read but in chapter 5 it talks about those who do not recover are those who cannot or will not completely another trick word completely give themselves to this simple program give themselves completely no reservations now we're going to spend a little bit of time in chapter two agnostics there's some really neat stuff in here there is a school of thought that says the chapter two the agnostic is step two I don't necessarily go along with that. I think step two is covered along with steps one in Bill's story, there is a solution in chapter two agnostics. I think we agnostic is a thing that is it is an introduction to a method by which you can do a third step. Preparing us. Preparing for the third step. Good. It says on page 46, about midway down, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power which is God. That means I can't do it for you, Kelly can't doing it for ya, the guy who's gonna speak tonight can't do it for you, Daniel can't do it for you. If we all get together and vote on it, we can't deal with it. We can't handle it for him. That's what it means. It was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power which he's got. It's in the middle paragraph, page 46. Middle paragraph, age 46. Now the last paragraph starts out much to our relief. It's right above that. and much to our relief we discovered that we did not need to consider another's conception of God if you've got a pen, underline that we did not need to consider another's conception of god you might do it but you don't need to our own conception however inadequate, and it doesn't say if it's inadequate. It says however inadequate. That means it's adequate. It's a matter of degrees. So if you're a Jesuit priest and you're trying to get sober in AA, your conception of God is inadequate. If you're an old-to-die dope fiend like Daniel, your conceptionof God is inadequat. if you're a thoroughbred alcoholic like me and Kelly your conception is inadequate just like ours is however inadequate it is it is still sufficient to make the approach and effect a contact with him now why would we want to do that well it says as soon as we admitted the possible existence of creative intelligence, the spirit of the universe underlying the totality of things, we began to be possessed with a new sense. New, not the old power polished up and put back in. New, the old powers gone because you didn't have any. New power. There is one that has all power. That one is God. May it find him now. If he's got all the power, how much does that leave for us? Correct answer? Zero. but God gives us a new sense of power a new sensitive direction providing we took other simple steps trying to trick you into doing a third step, don't listen to them we found that God does not make too hard turns on those who seek him to us the realm of spirit is broad, gloomy, all inclusive never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek it is open, we believe, to all men and so is AA. Somebody walks into Alcoholics Anonymous and they've got a drinking problem and they're like, I'm sorry to quit drinking. They're welcome. Hookers, bums, tramps, transvestites, doesn't matter. They're welcomed in AA. And one of the things we do as men from the robbers' roost and the misfits is, you know the cute little babe that walks in new? You don't have to worry about her getting help. She's going to get all the help she needs. Yeah, she's going to get a lot of help. What I challenge you men to do is that old broad sitting over on the side there with the missing tooth about 20 pounds overweight that you really don't want her to see you talking to her go over and welcome her to Alcoholics Anonymous go over and tell her you're glad she's here would you like a cup of coffee and see how you feel about yourself after you do that them young hotties they ain't gonna have no well they're gonna have some problems but they're not gonna have any problem getting help how about them old ones over there and as men the women don't want to go over there either because they're going to look bad if you're running around with a hangy old check. Selfishness is self-centered. It's how we think it's the root of our troubles. It doesn't end just because you come into AA. It ends because we start doing some things that we don't want to do, like go over and tell the old chick with the missing tooth, God, I'm glad you're here now, Polly Synonymous. Do you have a meeting schedule? Is there anything I can do to help you out today? Let's see how you feel about yourself. We're moving on here to step three, because we're running out of time here. there's a couple things that I wanted to point out in this chapter. On page 46, in that middle paragraph that Steve read from, if you go up a couple sentences, it says, We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves, we commence to get results. And if you goes straight across that into that paragraph on the other side, in the middle of that paragraph it says as soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe we emphatically assure him that he is on his way like I was saying earlier we don't need to swallow this whole thing all right now and now we're going to go over to 61, isn't it? 60, 51. Yeah. The first thing is ABCs here. You go up there right above that. It says our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas. Anything you want to say about that? Yeah, three, make clear, three pertinent ideas. And they say in here, our description of the alcoholic, that's chapter 3, the chapter to the agnostic, chapter 4, and our personal adventures before and after, make it clear, 3. Before and after what? Well, this little treatment that we're reading is below the 12 steps. so I concluded and I don't know if I'm right or not but I'm right for me that after I've taken the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous that should make clear to me three pertinent ideas that before and after the steps I was an alcoholic and I could not manage my own life that before and after the steps that probably no human power could have relieved me of my alcoholism and before and after the steps God could and would if he were sought. Now if that's true, and I believe it is, then there are some powerful reasons for taking this third step. Let's turn over quickly to page 62 and get right down to the root of it. Yes sir. Self-assist and self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. Now notice they're saying it's the root of our trouble, it's not the root of your problem. Our problem is alcohol. Our troubles is what happens when we drink it. I want to point something else out because of some of the other stuff that we just read. It said we found, we think. This is what this is what the first hundred people that they talk about in the front of this book, these are the conclusions that they came up through their experience. First step is we admitted we. First three words in the steps are we. It's not an I program, it's a we program. I can't say so, but we can. All right? So selfishness, self-centered, that we think is the root of our trouble, driven by 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, self pity. we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate sometimes they hurt us seemingly without provocation but we invariably without variation we find that sometime in the past we have made decisions based on self which later places us in a position to be hurt so our troubles we think are basically of our own making, they arise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot though he usually doesn't think so if you're sponsoring a man and he's being an extreme example of silkworm run riot, and it will happen. It will be comforting to you, maybe not to him, but it will be comforting to you to open this book to this page and say, would you please read this for me? Part of that I don't understand. Could you please re-read this to me? The alcoholic is an extreme exemple of silkworm run riot though he usually doesn't think so. And then have him read it again. And then have them read it again. And sooner or later, you're going to say, okay, what's up? How come you haven't read that? Because that's you right now. That's you right now, that happens to me once or twice a year, where I become an extreme example of self-will run right, although I usually don't think so. That even holds true in sobriety, because I'll tell you what, any time I go to my sponsor with something and he'll sit there and he will listen to me and he will sit there and be quiet and then when I'm all done, he just looks at me and goes, it sounds a little bit like 60 to 63, doesn't it? Oh God man, why couldn't I see that? It goes on down there and it talks about all this stuff that says we had to have God's help. This is the how and the why of it. You'll hear name, people saying I don't know how and why it works. Well, it tells you right here. Here's the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Now, I'm going to say something a little controversial. It's okay to be God but it's not okay to play God. You can be God because God is caring, loving, tolerant, patient, full of mercy and grace for other people forgiving all the time for every rotten thing we ever did that's who God is and if you want to be God be my guest that's not the same thing as playing God playing God is the thing you do with this up here being God is a thing you deal with with this thing in here one comes from the heart the other comes from your head I don't know about your head but my head is out to get me it ain't out to get you but it's out to get me listen to your heart your heart go back go back go back to we agnostic there's a little thing in there Steve and I were talking about this last night where it talks about deep deep down within us is the only place that he can be found let's go back to that 55 you man That guy's got a good sponsor over there, I'm telling you. Page 55. Actually, we've been fooling ourselves for deep down in every man, woman, and child that includes us. It's a fundamental idea of God. It may be assured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a power greater than ourselves and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives are facts as old as so. Let me ask a question. How many people here have lost their keys? Okay, how many people here after finding those lost keys continue to look for them? Most people don't continue to look for things that they just found. you may say okay deacon's office what the hell does this have to do with the first three steps well we finally saw that faith in some kind was a part of our makeup just as much as a feeling we have for a friend sometimes we had to search fearlessly there is a solution remember search fearlessly but in but but he was there he was as much a fact a fact not a theory he was much of fact as we were we found the great reality deep down within us, remember the car keys, in the last analysis. Last analysis means after you've tried everything else you get to this last analysis of yours it is only there that he may be found. Deep down within us, in our hearts it was so with us deep down within us that's where you find that power greater than yourselves he created you and he put a little chunk of himself inside you and said when you get through having fun give me a call you know And that's what we're getting ready to do. We're getting read to give them a call. Let's go over to the third step prayer. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to define this before we do it. Because I want it to make sense to you. I listen to Patrick and some of you guys up here, so I have to conclude that you're probably a lot like me and that you probably know what a plea bargain is. Everybody here know what a plea bargain is? That's a quid pro quo. Judge is going to do something for you if you do something to the judge. You got the picture? Okay, here it is. We are now at step three. Many of us said to our makers, we understand it. God, I offer myself to thee. So here I am, just as I am I'm offering myself to you, God That's your part of the plea bargain The first half of it But you're offering yourself to God so he can build with you and do with you as he wills Now The street corner definition for that is your life is no longer any of your business. You have offered yourself to God to do with you and build with you as he wants to. It doesn't say he's going to do something to you. He's goingto do something with you. A divine partnership, you and God, hand in hand on the broad highway. it goes on. Now, we've come to the conclusion we have this thing called the bondage of self. We've kind of concluded that maybe that's my problem. Maybe self really is my problem and there's a bondage of self? Do you know what bondage means? Slavery. Slabery. Held against your will. That's what it means. And we're going to ask him to relieve me of the bondage of self. How many people were in the military? Okay, when you're on post and somebody comes down and relieves you, what do you do? You go away. He's relieved you. You no longer have that responsibility of being on that post. And we're saying to God, relieve me of the bondage itself and if you do that and when you do that I want you to do that that I may better do thy will. That's your part of the plea bargain. He relieves you of the bondage yourself and you do his will better because you no longer have the bondages yourself. That's what you're asking. You're asking him to do that. Gets better. Take away my difficulties. I don't know about you, but I had some difficulties when I arrived here. And they're talking about perception right there. Yeah. Because, you know, it doesn't mean that we're not going to have difficulties. It means we see things differently in a new light. That we do still have difficulties, but we know that we can get through them. And we have hope, and we're now living by fear. And we're asking Him to take away our difficulties, that victory. Not defeat. Not a little bit better. total and complete victory over these difficulties. May bear witness to those I would help with thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always. And what that means is that when I'm having a hard time and life is dealing me a tough blow and I'm in a meeting and people in that meeting know me and they know I'm going through it and they watch me get through to the other side, that's bearing witness. They have just seen that I had walked through something monumental and stayed sober and I'm still here. I bear witness to God's power that anything is possible through Him. And then when people see that I can do it, then maybe they might have a little hope that they can do it. And then check this out, in the finest fashion of AA tradition the next thing says we thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready that we could at last utterly abandon ourselves to him they tell us to do that after we've taken the step they already got us, now they're telling us to think about it but you do have to think about it. Because what you're doing is a very serious thing. Because when you abandon yourself to God, my experience is he takes that shit serious. And when you say I've changed my mind, he says I don't give a shit. You abandoned yourself to me. You belong to me now. You don't belong to you. we're done now and we're going to go into Q&A period now we got a microphone up here I want you to come up and state your question I'm David Looker. I'm an alcoholic. Hey, David. You know, I would only add that the other half of the plea bargain, if we're asking to get victory over our difficulties, we're agreeing to bear witness, which you can't do by yourself in your bedroom. You've got to do it with other alcoholics in a room full of people that you can help. You can't bear witness to something if no one's there to see it. Then all your bearing is ass then, right? There you go. Come on up, Michael. My name is Michael. I'm an alcoholic. Oh, Michael. Steve, I just wanted to clarify something. I thought I heard you say that Chapter 4 is not the second step. Now, I think I kind of know where you were going with that. But if someone were to ask me where is the second steps in the book, I would point them towards Chapter 4. um and i look at uh in the abc's it says that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism and it seems to me that that's where it expands on that idea that probably no humanpower could have believed our alcoholism so if you could tell me what you meant by that then perhaps i could expand my take on chapter four because obviously if that's the case then My view on that chapter is pretty limited. Thank you, Michael. I meant that that's not the only place where the second step is. The chapter, the doctor, not the doctor straight of it, Bill's story, there is a solution and there is more about alcoholism. They all talk about the first and second step. And I think that there's a bridge and a transition into we agnostics where they're kind of saying, okay, now that you've done this second, you've accepted this first and second step, we're going to prepare you for taking the third step. But before you take the third steps, you have to understand some things about God. And they talk about the conception of God, your own conception of god, however inadequate and everything else. it's part of the second step but it's not all now that you mention that that's a theme that runs through the entire first 164 pages of the book that's why we read what we read out of chapter 3 about the insanity and this being spiritually fit is the only way we're going to get through this and everything else because it tells me that the purpose of this book is to enable me to find a power greater than myself, which will solve my problem. I always love the way that reads. It doesn't say it's going to help me solve my problems. It says it will solve all my problems." Thanks for listening.