Self-will and Self-centeredness – Sponsorship Workshop – 2024 – Part 12 of 16 – Ali H.

Hi, everybody. My name is Ali. I'm a grateful alcoholic. Thank you so much again for being here for another Saturday to our team, to all the attendees. And as you probably saw me demonstrate right there when I questioned Trish, I haven't had much sleep. It was just a really extra rough night of sleep last night because of the baby. So I'm just half there, not all there. Anyhow, glad to be here um two quick little housekeeping that came to me before we do the set aside prayer by the way if someone's really moved to the set-aside prayer from their heart please put up your hand electronically first person to do that will will take us in will bring us in set-a-side prayer first thing is uh for the next few minutes we're going to have the chat open please kristin So these are only people if you would like to be sorry, if you are available to catch somebody up, only people that are available to catch up, please put your number or your email and the WhatsApp to everybody in the chat to everybody right now. That would be fantastic if you could do that. so people that are that have missed sessions that you're not part of a team or a group already just pick one of those numbers and then contact them after okay that'll be fantastic and then if you are taking that on uh i uh i think i would suggest that it it will be a lot more powerful if you either get together in person or on zoom and just basically recreate what we've been doing here just pass it along this is what we're doing here right we're not uh um this is uh this workshop is a workshop um i believe that is extremely power that is going to be extremely powerful the words are going to being extremely powerful as we pass this along to someone else you know so it's not a kind of workshop that uh that uh you know i love going to some workshops uh big book workshops and um where the facilitator is somebody who i truly admire has such depth and breadth of experience and they unpack one paragraph for like 15 20 minutes so it's not where i get to eat in that workshop spiritual meal right but this this workshop is a kind of workshop that we prepare a meal learn how to prepare a kneel for the next person that's how we're fed i don't know if i'm coming across uh from my explaining my experience exactly right so the other kind of workshop that i still go to and i love it's all i feel like as if like i eat a meal and i leave there and eventually i'm empty i'm hungry again you know what i mean but this workshop uh we have a bunch of seekers coming here people that want to perhaps be open to pass this message on at the 12 steps in the big book in a more efficient effective way perhaps right and and and the real meal comes from passing this message on because that is where the purpose of this program lies my life is filled with a deep sense of meaning and purpose out of my desire to try to pass this message off and to watch someone else eyes just light up you know so that's what this workshop is about so i strongly suggest it's almost like practicing the workshop right away if you are one of those servants that's been given the assignment of recreating a session or two of this workshop for other people please make sure you're on a zoom and you actually you know what i mean passing this message on i think that'll be more beneficial most beneficial for everybody so all right so that's good marilyn would you please kindly come up and do this set aside prayer for us thank you so much good morning family my name is maryland i am an alcoholic god please help me set aside everything i think i know about myself the 12 steps the big book the meetings my disease and especially you god for an open mind and a new experience with all these things please help us see the truth amen thank you very much all right now So up to now, we've covered what many long-timers that have had a tremendous influence on my life, decades of sobriety, some of whom have passed on, what they believe that the first half of the first step being covered from the doctor's opinion to page 43, 51 pages. we've covered 51 pages in about 12 to 14 pages um and the second uh most um longest step i guess in the big book would be the step two and we agnostics which is a lot of 14 pages we cover that in four or five four pages and we've gone through it efficiently we've been laser-like and trying to keep the focus on on actually what the step is and what the newcomer what the new person will benefit most from from identification because that is where the power of this um sacred book and this program comes from me identifying to what is written um and see myself in it and then hopefully that'll inspire me out of the process of that identification it will inspire me to take some action that's going to transform my life and hopefully a ripple effect that would transform other people's lives too so we've done that so far um now from how it works weren't how it was by the way chapter five yeah chapter five how it works from how it works on we're going to go straight to the end of working with others okay we're gonna go straight now and now the efficiency is not going to be us running and jumping around the efficiency Is Gonna Be what we focus on what we highlight what we turn statement into a question that's and the effectiveness and the power is going to Be how how we when we put our experience on it so um I believe today um well let me just do a couple of pages and then I'll come back to Okay, how it works. Okay, step three. So if you would please top margin of page 58 top left as always please write small enough so that you can fit a lot large enough so you can be pleased right top left step three then highlight yellow highlight step three put a colon that's one line above the other colon and at the right of the colon please write we're going to tell you exactly what the third step pages in the big book are okay so bottom of page 60 to bottom of age 63 bottom of page 60 to bottom of page 63. Step three, bottom of page 60, to bottom page 60. That's on the top, top of the top margin. Chapter five, how it works. If you grab the yellow highlighter please. Again, yellow for us is important statements. You may have used another highlight. That okay but that's important statements. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. That's in yellow, and if you grab a pen, we're going to circle the word rarely, and then right below that, we are going to cycle the word thoroughly. We just highlighted that line, right? Pen, rarely, pen, thoroughly, and yellow, rarely have we, have we see a person failed who thoroughly followed our path okay no more yellow those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves please circle the word honest you're gonna see a pattern here honest honest honest there are such unfortunates they are not at fault they seem to have been born that way they are naturally incapable of just give us a second folks i think he's an internet problem at his end In the meantime, Kun, have you got a song? Yeah, sorry about that. Thanks, Frank. He's going to join or rejoin. For those who are asking for it, I'm going to post in the chat all of the sessions that that we've gone through so far. It doesn't like it. All right, hi everybody. Sorry about that, I don't know what happened there. You guys got me now? Yeah, Kuna, we're good? Okay, thank you Kuna. Thank you very much Maya. The home and unknown area, John from Brownsville. Okay, close, that's okay. No problem, we'll try again here. Sorry about, I must see my home internet. Okay, here we go. can you hear me here kuna yeah okay perfect so i have my phone on just in case as well i have both of them on just incase so i can jump on if something happens there okay i think we were at circle honest honest okay all right sorry about that everybody okay so something happened let's jump on my phone okay so so quickly rarely have we seen a person who failed who has thoroughly followed our path okay those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this to this simple program usually men and women who constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves there are such unfortunates they are not at fault they seem to have been born that way they are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands circle rigorous honesty please their chances are less than average there are those two who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover three circles do recover If they have the capacity to be honest, please circle, be honest. Okay, perfect, beautiful. So notice honest, be honestly honest, right? So at this point, let me see. That was distracting. So let's keep going. Our stories disclose a general way what we used to be like, what happened and what we are like now. If you grab the yellow highlighter, please. Important. If you have decided you want what we have in yellow, put a question mark after have. And are highlighting yellow now only from willing. willing to go to any length to get it put a question mark after that okay so answer those two with a y or yes the left margin notice now notice where we sort of get our conscious spiritual contract that we did in the first session from right this i believe is the first time in this big book that they're asking these questions in this way there's so many i love the way this book is written because or the tone of this book right it's not about coursing or forcing or manipulating somebody to want this way of life there's many outs in this path in this big book and this is one of them so when i get to this point we have had a spiritual contract together right but listen but so up to now you saw what you saw we've experienced what we experienced in the first and second step are you sure you decided you want what we have What you think I have internally, the peace that I have, what you see in the rooms of alcohol is synonymous, contented sobriety? If the person says no, shake their hand. God bless you. We keep going to meetings together, right? And then are you willing to go to any length to get it? Yes to the left of that. Then you are ready to take certain steps. Then you're ready to make certain steps, right. only if those two questions are answered yes then we're ready to take certain steps okay and also the the paragraph that we just read right well we highlighted the question was do you notice i didn't really dive into them we could really unpack all of it it's not necessary as the spirit moves uh i may speak to the new person a little bit about the highlight or the circles right so but for the sake of what we're doing i just want to try to move it forward if we can um with a little velocity so we can get through the third step pages at some of these we bought we thought we could find an easier softer way but we could not with all the earnestness that our command we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start if you grab the yellow highlighter please some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was null until we let go absolutely. Yellow highlight, important. Grab the pen, please circle what the last thing that we just, the last line there from until we like go absolutely, until we let go, absolutely. And in addition to the yellow highlight, there's a circle around that set aside prayer i gotta let go of what i think i know i gotta let go all my ideas the result is nil it's not like the result is halfway the result isn't grab the yellow highlighter please remember that we deal with alcohol cunning baffling and powerful that's in yellow cunning bafling and powerful as we saw on the step one pages it comes at me from the side door from the back door it tricks me it tells me a drink is an option even though i have ample evidence in my life that has not destroys my life no more yellow without help it is too much for us but there is one who has all power that one is god may you find them now yellow highlighter very important half measures avail does nothing half measures available does nothing see this is not like linear education where like i study half the course i learn half the material i read half the book i get half what is being said right this is this is the realm of the spirit this is transformational work in linear education one plus one plus two equals one plus one equals two plus one equals three we just move that way right in transforming in a transformational path one plus one plus two dot dot dot plus 12 equals a million a caterpillar becomes a cocoon or the other way yeah no a caterpiller goes in a cocoons becomes a butterfly okay that's my lack of sleep coming up half measures available does nothing so what my experience with that is that for years in and out i would do half the work or a portion of the work i would get some of the promises on my life eventually that would lead back to nothing because i would drink and destroy everything half measures availed me nothing we stood at the turning point if you grab the pink highlighter that's a pink it's a promise we ask this protection and care with complete abandon that's the prayer we ask this protection and care with complete abandon it's a prayer man it's just calling me i can't leave this alone i don't know why it's calling me if i don' t answer it i'm not going to be able to do the rest of it i gotta go back okay so the first paragraph i gotta listen to it the first part i got a couple of things one is you know really have we seen a person phil who has probably thoroughly followed our path there's a joke i hear i hear some people say uh rarely have we seen a person follow this path or something right but so if we i have never seen myself one person truly wake up and their lives become transformed and stay sober who has thoroughly followed their path but we're not talking about perfection here at all at all to the best of my ability do the best that i can you know from my heart i just want to be better and then one more part i want to touch on it before we move on it just keeps calling me you know that part where it says like a group of people that are born this way they're not they just can't be honest i'm i'm assuming they're talking about pathological liars i'm not sure i haven't come across any but there may be some right but but they have the capacity they also have a chance to recover um if they havethe capacity to be honest and they talk about those who have mental emotional disorders great mental emotional disorders okay so i used to read that before i was ready and and separate myself from people they're talking about people with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder that's not me that's something that's on me right by the way i i so i also i do suffer from uh emotional stuff i used to right there's been solutions for like depression and stuff like that which has been transformed right so i could relate on that level but mostly what came what really i became present to is that whether i suffer from any additional emotional disorder or not i can relate to them i suffer for them check this out i suffer from a mental disorder that tells me to put my hand on a hot stove after 20 years of putting my hand on a hot stove and destroying my life is that not a mental disorder i have a brain that lies to me imagine like how is this the thing that we suffer from so different from uh people that suffer from schizophrenia by the way please forgive me if you if you suffer from that i'm not trying to make light of it i'm ignorant about it but a little bit that i know about it people somebody that suffers from schizophrenia they see and hear things that most people don't it's only their reality in their world how is that different from me thinking that the drink is going to be okay when i have an ample evidence in my life that it's not so i also suffer from mental emotional disorders good and good news this program can work for me too so here are the steps we took which just suggests that our program recovery we're not going to read them i'll read them with a new cover but there's no need for us let's skip it page 60 step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps we try to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs many of us exclaim what an order i can't go through with it do not be discouraged circle the words no one no one no one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles no one if you could imagine the spiritual giants or giants in your life either within AA or outside of AA that have truly had a great impact in your life they're talking about them too no one no one had not built dr bob not bill wilson not fill in the blank no one had been able to maintain a perfect appearance to these principles grab the yellow highlighter we are not saints continuing yellow the point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines if you grab the pen we just what we just highlighted the word grow circle the word grow the second line of what we highlighted that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines after lines put a question mark and put a why somewhere there are you willing to go on spiritual lines the principles circle the world principles from the circle put a line and a little arrow to the left margin please write 12 steps i want to make sure that the newcomer is very clear what we're talking about 12 steps 12 steps top steps circle the word principles all the principles contain within these the movements of the 12 steps not the homework assignment the way of life of the twelve steps right the twelve stems the principles we have set down our guides of progress if you grab the yellow highlighter one more time i want to hammer this home to the new person we claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection we claim spiritual progress to address personal perfection okay i get excited when i read these what i see these highlights because it tells me a couple of things one is that so if it's a spiritual path of progress i don't have to be perfect that i'm allowed to make mistakes and that's okay and no one's perfect i just got to try to be a little bit better today than i was yesterday and god doesn't make too hard terms for someone like me i'm one of his broken toys and i become so significant when i come at it from this humble spirit that that's okay he shines through the cracks you know and then also gets me excited because if i'm gonna grow along spiritual lines grow man there's no limit there's no limit to the experience and the depth of a relationship with this loving power in this path if you will okay beautiful okay so our description of the alcoholic the chapter to the agnostic and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas okay so three important ideas a excuse me that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives put a question mark after lives we're going to answer just to the left right to the left of a to the length of b to the lift of c so a our lives if you can relate to that still mr newcomer are you an alcoholic still are you sure okay to the right of the question word please write step one that we were alcoholic at the time. That's step one, basically, right? Three-pointed idea, step one. I got to be convinced of these. B, that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. Put a question mark after that. Answer it, Y or yes to the left. No human power, right, as per our experience, as shown in the last few sessions. Not my brain, not anything that I was able to read in a book, not a judge, not love of a life, not another chorus, nothing. Relieve my alcoholism, right? Question mark. So if you could please here on BNC we may be the book this session at this point may be challenging some of some old ideas of some of our friends here and I'm gonna just encourage you to set aside what you think you just set it on the shelf for now okay so be that probably no human power ability to alcoholism question mark to the right of the question mark please write small we're going to write bridge between step one and two you can use shorthand if you want bridge between step one and two bridge between step 1 and 2. it's the bridge that i walk to climb to go over step between step 1 & 2. thank you kristin so much okay so no human power and i'll come back and i will explain that many of you maybe already be you know have had this experience see that god could and would if he were so put a question mark put a wire yes if you are willing to believe that remember the newcomer in the step two pages are you at least willing to believed the power greater than ourselves right god couldn't would if you were sought question mark but yes there right below the word thoughts i think to the right there might be enough they might not be enough for please put step two please put step two okay so now step one step two is step one and step two are covered in the abcs the reason i say may challenge some uh some some friends here um past experiences because for years uh i was told and that's that was my truth and my truth just stopped becoming that truth after a while right the truth that my truth was what i was taught is that that's step one two and three i don't believe that to be the case anymore i don' t believe that's the case anymore so b says that probably no human power could have believed their alcoholism right that's almost like an extension of the first step it's like okay i'm an alcoholic can't imagine my life and i've tried everything humanly possible to stay sober and i haven't been able to and then c says that god and could if he were sought came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity that god and could if we were son step one and step two okay now how do we know this is further authentication that this that does in the first two steps that it's got look it says being convinced we were on step three so i gotta be convinced of those three before i'll even look at step three right be convinced we're in step three if you please circle being convinced put a question mark after convinced and put a little y to the left of that yes if you're convinced of the abc's because we have to be convinced before we move forward being convinced we were step three and if you grab the yellow highlighter we're gonna make it really stand out highlighting yellow important being convinced we were a step three that's all the highlighting being convinced were step three by the way just so you know for in step three and step 10 and step 11 these pages is a bit of uh there's a bit of highlighting a note and questioning stuff like that step three highlighting yellow being convinced or step three okay which is we which is that we decide circle the word decided to turn our will circle the word will right above or below will in between the lines in small right thinking another way to say well my thinking okay circle the world decided circle the work will write above or be lower right thinking and our life circled the word life i'm very close to that circle of the life circle please right actions so our thinking our actions our will and our life which is that we decided to turn our world and our life over to god as we understood him just what do we mean by that and just what do we do what a what an important question to ask that's a big that's huge to turn all my thinking and all my actions to something that i don't understand i don' even know if i'm really buying into this thing but i'm just willing to believe that maybe because because i don''t have any other options at this point that's a good question to ask so what do we mean by that so what did we do the first requirement highlight grab yellow highlighter very important The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on South Pole can hardly be a success. The first requirements is that any live run on south pole can hardly become a success Grab the pen, please. We're going to circle certain things in that highlight. Circle first requirement To the right of that, please circle convinced first requirement convinced man there's so much that's coming to me i don't want to so deep the first requirement commit like this book is it's just i don' know how did it it's like inspired you know what i mean bill wilson the human being didn't write down and write sit down and write this book the first 100 approximately 100 didn't go back and forth and help them edit this book it was inspired in spirit through him through them the spirit presented us with a way of life that has transformed millions and millions of people's lives it is so deep it is slowly that's why i'm just such a like the big book experience is something man it's so deep right it is the reason i'm saying this because what's coming to me is that the years when i was in and out and and and how i was thinking through the third step and i'm not at all sharing this experience with you saying oh those people are bad they didn't know people were doing what they know they were trying to be helpful they were passing on to me what was passed on to them nothing wrong with that and that's okay right so what i would what would happen with me is that okay step one that last step two okay step three are you ready to take the third step to hand okay let's go let's do the third step prayer but look at what they're saying there is a requirement for you ali to even look at the third step we're not going to rush to this there is Here's a requirement. The first requirement is that we be convinced that any light run on cell phone can hardly be a success. So now, so now. If you from the yellow highlight anywhere in the yellow Highland if you draw a line from the left margin and come and bring it to the bottom margin lining in an arrow, bring it to the bottom of the margin we're going to use the entire bottom margin to write a note on the on the on the yellow. Please write this. When you reach, please write small, when you reach last paragraph, page 62 comma, When you reach last paragraph, page 62, come back and answer this question. When you reached last paragraph page 62 come back and answer these questions see because when it's spiritual considerations as a question is asked of me my ego wants to just answer it immediately. But the big book doesn't direct me to do that. next page and a half to almost two pages they're going to give me considerations to see if i'm really ready to take the third step if i see myself unmanageable if i see my life unmanagable by my own doing by my own thinking the third set can only be taken on a deep level if i am able to see that me managing my life hasn't worked why else would i hand over the management of my life is something i don't see feel taste i don t understand this is gonna make sense i gotta see the unmanageability of my own life right so when you reach last paragraph page 62 come back and answer this question i put that entire statement into brackets if you don't mind so bracket to open to the left of when close the bracket after a question. Yeah, perfect. All right, beautiful, beautiful. Okay, we missed something. So the previous paragraph where it says it ends with just what do we mean by that and just what do we do? The previous paragraph, did you guys see that? Just what do you mean by that and just what do we do? It ends with that line. To the right of that, please write small. By the way, so I use the short form P-A-R, pair for paragraph. I use a lot of short forms to give me space, right? So I can write. So answer is in last pair page 62. Answer is in last pair, page 62, answer is a last paragraph, page sixty two. So the answer to this question. just what do we mean by that and just what do we do is in the last paragraph of page 62 answer is the last paragraph page page 62 and then we're going to continue where it says the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life on a self-call can hardly be a success and the note that we have is when you reach the last paragraph come back and answer this Right. So don't you worry when we reach that paragraph on page six, we'll put a note to go back and answer this. OK, so don't worry. You're not going to forget. Here we go. OK,so now I'm going to try to move through this with with a little bit of velocity first and we'll come back. There is three from my experience. there is three steps covered in the big book that there's such, I don't know how to put it in words, one because lack of sleep. I don' t think I have the words to probably describe it. There is such spiritual economy of words in the third step pages, in the sixth and seventh step in the big book, in 10th step and 11th step. What I mean by that is this, every single syllable, every single word at so much depth and weight if i remove a sentence or statement it won't have the same it is so powerful these step three pages they're so powerful okay so here we go what we're gonna do now i'm gonna read and what we're going to do is take every single third person pronoun and above it right make it a personal pronoun so that means if that gram if that's correct grammatically. I mean, if it's a his, we're going to put mine. If it's him, we are going to put me. Okay? I'm going to read it and we're going to do it together. Okay. So on that basis, we are where it says we are. Above we are, please write I am. You can write small. I am this is so powerful. If you haven't had done this exercise, so powerful for the new person. And please, you also try to see yourself in this. Okay, so on that base is we are I am almost always in correlation with something or somebody even though above our write the word my even though my motives are good most people above most people write i i try to live by self-propulsion each person above each person who says each person is please write i am right about person is right i am person is i am like an actor who wants to run the whole show and forever trying to arrange the lights so above is we write the word and and forever are trying to range the lights the ballet the scenery and the rest of the players in my own way instead of his right about his just write the world mine my own way if instead of his arrangements please write my above his right mind if my arrangements would only stay put if only people do would do as i wish the show would be great see you can relate to this not only back then but these days in your life okay everybody including me would be pleased write about himself write the word me life would be wonderful in trying to make these arrangements our actor above our actor right eye i may be sometimes quite if you grab the yellow highlighter just please highlight these words highlighting yellow virtuous The next sentence, highlight the word kind. Highlight the word considerate. Highlighted the word patient. Highlighting the word generous. Highlight, the next sentence below, highlight the word modest. Highlight self-sacrificing. Highlight those words, just those individual words in yellow, please. When you've done that, grab the pen. Let's go back to where we left off, please So right before, so in trying to make these arrangements, our actor, I, may be quite sometimes, may sometimes be quite virtuous. I may be kind, so above he write the word I, maybe kind, considerate, patient, generous, even modest and self-sacrificing. on the other hand i above here gonna write i i may be grab the yellow highlighter mean highlight the word mean in yellow highlight egotistical and yellow highlight selfish and yellow highlight dishonest and yellow but as with most humans i am above he is i am more likely to have very traits Okay, beautiful. Now let's go back and start to try to relate to this, okay? If we can have some friends, so we're going to turn statements into questions now. If you have some friends, put up your virtual hand. Only if you move to relate this, either what you see how you used to be even more powerful, how you may be in a situation currently today in your life, okay, to any degree right again laser like sharing please 30 seconds please not general sharing very specific to the question we're going to be asking so if we go back to page 60 bottom of page 60 the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life on a stopwatch can hardly be a success put a question mark after success but remember the note is we're not going to answer this yet we're gonna wait a page and a half and come back and answer this because that's a requirement for me to even take the first step. On that basis, I am almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though my motives are good? Question mark. Even though my motives were good? That question, on that basis or something, even though my motivations are good, question mark. Actually, let's just keep going. We'll put a couple of question marks together. I'll share something quick with you. This recent current in my life okay a friend a dear friend of mine that that our relationship has been a little bit strained that's the word strain yeah so uh you know a little resentment has come up for me and i gotta pray and take a look at this and right but anyways so what came to me was this so i've helped this friend throughout our friendship this friend had had financial troubles i've helped this friend with finances here and there right not taking food away from my family but you know I'm barely making as me business slow but like if I had a like a $600 or $1,000 cushion right like if they needed some rent money I would give that to them or or lend that to that right and so when the relationship has become strained for many different reasons that I had to look at this one of the reasons that my ego will bring up is that look how could you how dare you do this to me look at what kind of a friend I am but you know what I had to look at honestly you know what my ego was doing a little bit unbeknownst to me as I was giving this friend five six hundred dollars thousand dollars of pushing money you know whatever to help pay their this person's rent or car notes or whatever you know you know what I was doing I was buying friendship because I really admire this person I wanted this person to like me my motives are good I didn't see that completely right away but i gotta look at this i'm trying to run the show man that's what i was trying to look good i wasn't being honest right i gotta even though my motives are good i'm in collision with something or somebody so that's one one that i'm just going to share with you because it's current in my life yeah our motives are getting most well is that so i try to live by self-proportion each person is like an actor who wants to run a whole show i am forever trying to arrange the light random arrange the lights the ballet the scenery and the rest of the players in my own way If only my arrangers would stay put, if only people would do as I wish, the show would be great, put a question mark. Notice we only have two question marks, so the last four or five sentences basically talk about this. If only people will do what I wish. The show will be great. Question mark. Okay, ready? On those two questions. laser-like hi Risa and Ryan please go on up please Risa alcoholic um this uh this is always very apparent in my life today especially with my children if uh they would only do as I wish um parenting would be easier they would learn you know, and that my motives are good. I want them to learn good values. I want them to learn these things, you know, to not be mean to their grandparents to be respectful of adults. And, and if they would only do that, then my life as a parent would be so much easier. And I would be able to be this kind loving parent that I want to be. And then, you I try to do this by being soft and kind and loving. And then when they don't respond to that, I go to punishment and anger and screaming at them all the time. Beautiful. Thank you so much, Lisa. Ivor, come on up, buddy. Good morning. Good afternoon. Thank you, Ali. Hello, everybody. My name is Ivor Davis. I'm a recovered alcoholic. So zooming in from the west of Scotland. My sobriety date is July 21st, 1984. and where this landed with me in 2003 at over 19 years physically sober was that I didn't I just had to look at the empirical data of my life in 19 years of physical abstinence to see that my life was hardly a success every area of my like relationships business employment finance friendships were an absolute disaster area and I had in fact been trying to live by self-propulsion both in and out of the rooms i'll call it synonymous uh i had been trying to arrange the ballet i'd been in the director's chair all that time and i made a complete mess of it and in my experience it was only once i gave up the director straighter to the one who has all power and started to follow his or her or its arrangements and directions that things really began to change thank you so much ali thank you i appreciate you brother mary I just muted myself. Please keep your hands up. We'll get to you soon. So we're going to keep going a little bit. So the show will be great. Hi, everybody. My name is Mary. Sorry. Can you hold on? We'll gets you the next one. Okay. Yeah. Just please keep your hand up though, please. Okay? I want to hear from you. Thank you so much. So this show would be great question mark. I'm going to answer that for yourself. Everybody including himself would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. Check this out. How arrogant of me. I don't just think that i'm going to be happy if people do what i think i think that they're going to be happy too everybody will be pleased running the show right the actor who's trying to run the show the actor's job in a set i believe what i understand a movie set is to memorize some lines and bring forth the spirit of a believable character that's it right the director is the is the boss but i'm the actor who wants to tell everybody what to do run write their lines but don't mail it to them right they arrange their lights the costume they say that's me right i think everybody would be happy okay life would be wonderful in trying to make these arrangements are mean that i may sometimes be quite virtuous i may be kind considerate patient and generous even modest and self-sacrificing question mark put a why somewhere there in trying to make the show and try to run the show to arrange things to suit the way you want them to be have you used those character traits kind patient generous modest and self-sacrificing on the other hand i may be mean egotistical selfish and dishonest question mark on the other hand have you used any of those but as but as with most humans i am more likely to have varied traits okay what usually happens there's a question mark you need to answer that the show doesn't come off very well i above he i i begin to think that life doesn't treat me right treat me right question mark i'm going to put a bunch of y's to the left margin or the right whatever doesn't treat me however have i ever thought that life just isn't treating me right i decide so above he i i decide to reserve myself more i become on the next occasion i become on the next occasion if you grab the yellow highlighter please still more demanding or gracious in yellow still more demanding or precious still more demand your gracious and yellow okay no more yellow as the case may be question mark after b do i have that experience i try to arrange the the the situation to the way I think that best should be and the show doesn't come off well and I get upset and then on the next occasion I approach the same situation either being mean, egotistical or being extra nice and manipulative. Have I ever done that? Still the play does not suit me above him me admitting I may be somewhat at fault I am as above he is i am sure that other people are more to blame question mark have i ever had that experience Just the words in yellow. Angry, indignant, self-pity. I become angry, indigent, self pity. Put a question mark after that. okay beautiful beautiful so we're going to go back to sharing where's mary mary did you did you want to share right now mary john you're okay yeah okay okay so gavin would you come on up please please only on the question just say this question this is how i relate very specific okay this question is how I relate that any other gavin alcoholic um i begin to think life doesn't treat me right i try to exert myself more i become on the next occasion still more demanding or gracious as the case may be um my cohort on the management team at work does not do things the way that i like and uh i i constantly go to her and i'm like so kind and loving and oh you know like this is great hey how about we do it this way because i think it would be better and then to the other supervisor who kind of agrees with me i go on and character assassinate and talk about oh she's such a problem why doesn't she do this and then when she doesn't do it the next time i'll go in even nicer even kinder and then even worse with uh saying nasty things behind her back so i think that's pretty accurate and that's like it's been coming up every single day the past two weeks um so yeah that's pretty that's where i'm at today thank you galen i appreciate you being here man what a beautiful sheriff this is what's happening for me today doesn't make me any less spiritual than anyone else in fact it opens the door for the spirit to come in okay joel would you come on up please specific on any of the questions uh yeah joel alcoholic um yeah this this reading blew my doors off when i first came came back from an extended relapse because i could see that all of my um all of my relationships in life i thought of myself as a victim right because i've been kind consider it patient generous modest self-sacrificing and nobody ever played into the show and um you know i even i've implied today you know as i get involved in in service and in life that when outcomes don't come you know I can very quickly shoot back to that resentful that resentful uh state where the meanness the egotistical the selfish the dishonest um and so you know i need to i need i need dial it back and and really uh look at what's what what's the lesson to be taught here and am i doing my service um from a heart of service or am i doing it from a hard of expectation thank you thank you joel appreciate you brother when you keep your hand up please we'll do a couple more lines i will come back to you thank you so angry indignant self-pitying what is my basic trouble what is my basic above is he put am I am I not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind grab the yellow highlighter highlight that sentence in yellow is he not really a self-secret is he not really a self secret and trying to be kind i like any yellow please there's a question mark so put a question what go right the question why answer that we're going to come back to that am i about is he am i not a victim of the delusion that i can rest like wrestle pull satisfaction and happiness out of this world if i only manage well That's all in yellow, please. So is he not a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can rest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? That's also in yellow. We've turned all the he's and she's into I. No more yellow. Is it not evident for the rest of the players that these are the things i want answer that for yourself in the situations in your life and do not my actions make each of them wish to retaliate snatching all they can get can get out of the show there's a question mark answer that please have you had that experience again we're going a little bit with speed just because of a group of everything that we have to cover and all the conversations. It takes a little bit longer, but individually it won't take that long. We can share a little more individually. If you grab the yellow highlighter, please. The last sentence in yellow. Is he not even in his best moments a producer of confusion rather than harmony? Please highlight that in yellow After highlighting in yellow, grab the pen and above is he please write am i am i not even in my best moments a producing of confusion producer of confusion rather than harmony okay so the question mark after harmony you're gonna answer yes if you do relate but to the right of harmony please write this qualifier okay please write when i'm using south world because they came across this with a person that was they they had long-term sobriety but they never have have had the big book experience so we were going through the big book and the steps on what they and what the eagle would tell them what the what self would tell them is no not always i'm not always a producer of confusion so that line when i'm using sample twice there you go okay yeah when i'm losing cell phone but not always because i have spiritual growth right now right when i've used this apple okay beautiful so now But on those questions, am I, Wendy, on any of these questions, am I not really a self-seeker when trying to be kind? Am I not a victim of the delusion that I can wrest satisfaction, happiness out of this world only if this world manages well and the rest of the program? Any of those questions. Anything specific come up for you to share with us, please? Please go ahead. Sally. Yeah, this is a little bit related to what the last person that shared said but I had a really, I have a situation in my job as well where there's a little cadre of people that don't like the way that I do things, and I spent a couple couple of years sort of willing uh to fix that like i'm gonna figure out i'm gonna make them like me and i'm going to make them believe in my way and you know it was really a lot of self-will run riot in the way that i approached as a leader this situation and i've so one of the things that's happened is that i've you know i've i've presented to others from a self-pitying victim way like look aren't isn't this awful that these people are trying to hurt me when they're just being them right um and it's been a long road to sort of releasing and surrendering that sometimes you just people don't like you and it'S not that I'm doing anything wrong or that they're wrong or um and so one one character defect was that I always tried to get people on my side by talking about this telling this story over and over again because isn't it awful uh so really just you know had to release that behavior pretty pretty prompt it took me a long time so that self-pitying really came up for me and then trying to get people in my team that behavior that really harmed the community beautiful thank you so much wendy that is so that's such a powerful awakening for me if i can even consider that am i not really a self-seeker i want something for me even when i'm trying to be kind that's huge that's huge now if a newcomer doesn't completely see themselves at depth in that that's okay right but can you relate to that in a little bit anyway because don't forget the rest of the steps step four and five will just open this up for them right so but so can you relate to this in any way now we're going to please keep your hands up i want to hear from you we're gonna keep going our actor is if you grab a yellow highlighter self-centered egocentric self-centred egocentric yellow self-center egocentry so if you just put an asterisk right above self-centered egocentric and then put that put brackets around it the same asterisks put at the bottom margin there that means when you see the asterix and they come and see what the notes are regarding that right bottom margin we're going to make use of the whole thing please so write small bottom left We're going to write self-centered doesn't necessarily mean I think too high or low of myself, period. There's one more sentence after that. Self-centered Doesn't Necessarily Mean I Think Too High or Low of Myself. Because sometimes my ego might talk to me and I think I'm better than people. And I present myself in such a way, like somehow I'm bad, right? But you know what? The ego also comes at me as I'm not good enough. That's self-centered too. So self-centred doesn't necessarily mean I think too high or low of myself, period. Next sentence, last sentence. It means I think Too Often of Myself. it means i think too often of myself that's what self-centered means no matter what's going on in my life i'm thinking how i'm affected how do i feel about this what's happening to me self-centred right it means anything too often on myself because sometimes i know new people are like self-center they think this as a like take it as a attack of their character no no it just means i think often on myself that's all no one was happy i'm thinking about what's happening to me or they think about me when i'm on my own power right not so much these days thank god let's do something okay so self-centered doesn't necessarily mean i think too high or low of myself it means i thing too often on my self can really continue reading our actor is self self-centred egocentric as people like to call it nowadays he's like a retired businessman who laws in the florida sunshine winter complaining of the state of the nation right now we could be unpacking this very paragraph to like 30 minutes but we're not going to do that it's not going to do anything for the new person you know it's like with other big book studies it's not a big book study remember so he is like retired business so he just cannot relate to that right the minister who sighs over the sins of the 20th century politicians and reformers who are sure all will be utopia like a perfect world if the rest of the world only behaves the outlaw safecracker who thinks society has wronged him and the alcoholic who has locked up who has lost all and is locked up these different characters that they present to us the businessman and the minister and the and the outlaws safecrackers they play different like their different personality traits you know like the ego and self-righteousness only if they would behave and uh you know look at my accomplishments and the allah save the victim that allah say factor right they throw us the alcoholics right along with them in the same bus can you consider ali you can relate to some of these characteristics that these characters have right and it's all locked up okay whatever our protestations whatever i protest about i disagree and dispute about in my life that's happening that i don't like whatever it is whatever our protest for the protestations are not most of us concerned with ourselves with our resentments or our self-pity question mark whoo all right now can i take a look at that maybe question mark put your yes to the right of the question mark we want to leave the left margin right now empty. We're going to do a little bit of writing and leave it empty. Perfect. Now, let's see. Okay. In the top margin, please write this. In the top margin regarding the businessman and that and the Minister, and you know please write this question again right small and maybe two lines top stuff from the top left do I relate with these characters comma. So the characters that we just read about right businessman minister and now the outlaw safe cracker it do I related with these character's karma. Do I relate with these characters, comma, in the way they blame the outside world? In the way they blame the outside world? Do I relate with these characters in the way they blame the outside world for their internal this ease for their internal dis-ease question mark do i relate with these characters comma in the way they blame the outside world for their eternal dis-east question mark you're going to answer that for yourself so that question just covers those characters and that paragraph right beautiful Okay, so now the next paragraph. Grab the yellow highlighter, very important. Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking and self pity. Stop right there. That's all in yellow, it's important. Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, self pity. Stop right there on the yellow please. No more yellow okay no more yellow. We're going to finish reading. We step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Okay let's talk about the yellow a little bit. So they start to hit me I think for the first time in a real deep way. They start to hit me that hold on the drinking is a surface of the problem there's a root of the problem it's like a tree the root part of part of your problem abby is selfishness self-centeredness you think yourself too often you think of yourself too often you're really worried about at the bottom of it what's happening to you it's a tree that gives bad fruit the alcohol is the fruit and for my entire life me and everyone that loved me around me they try to with a stick, knocked down the bad fruit in the hopes that a new, better, ripe, good fruit would come up in its place. But bad fruit keep coming up. I keep on drinking. I keep destroying my life. I keeps drinking. I kept destroying my life. What they're telling me is that there is a root cause of your problem. Let's address the root. The roots of this tree are rotten because of selfishness and self-centeredness. That's why you keep drinking. that we think is a root of your trouble driven we highlight this yellow please circle the word driven in in pen please important driven in pen important driven and pen driven by a hundred forms of fear self-pity fear self delusion self-seeking and self-pit okay driven it that that word says something is powerful see when i'm driven i'm not in control is this as if like selfishness self-centeredness self-pity self-delusion self-seeking and self-paying fear comes in the morning sometimes when i used to open my eyes sometimes still once in a while when i open my hands and says hey come on in the car buckle up i'm going to drive you the entire day feel of financial insecurity let's go driven i have no control over this so when i'm driven by these things we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate sometimes they hurt us sometimes they heard me seemingly without provocation but what did i do i'm such a nice guy what am i doing such a Nice Lady okay but invariably almost always we find where am i we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt question mark we just put a question mark that means covering that entire paragraph put the yes to the right of the question mark please that's powerful that's deep right there okay so for our friends that are here um i i really wanted to cover the like do the third step prayer together this week it doesn't look like with the time that we have we're going to use the time that мы have мы may be able to do that but make sure to come back next week because next week we're gonna unpack the third-step prayer take first step prayer together and dive into four dive into for it's going to be a powerful session um sometimes they see they heard us seemingly without propagation but so that paragraph matthew are you able to share brother on that paragraph that we just read specifically i'm sorry to put you on the spot like this you may have had your head for something no problem So could you just repeat that quickly? Sure. That paragraph where we just put a question, my selfishness, self-centeredness, that's the root of my problem, driven by 100 forms of fear. I step on the toes of my fellows. Sometimes they hurt me without provocation. But if I'm honest, I see that I've made a decision based on self sometime in the past that put me in a position to be hurt today on that. Yeah, I realized I did that my whole entire life. And I've come to understand that nothing's personal. absolutely it's nothing personal it might feel personal but i i've understood that people are doing the best with what they have and uh now living with the spirit my whole perspective's changed on life i'm no longer restless irritable and discontent appreciate you brother you're good i'm good okay thank you so much ali unmute yourself please okay sorry just keep muting on me how do i relate to this right how do i related to this i'll tell you one quick thing how i relate to this um because remember the power comes in how i relate to it right um i was dating a lady long time ago um not too long well before my wife long time and i thought i was in love by the way i'm always thinking i'm in love right that's how i was that's i felt so little of myself i just use other when this way because i use other people like a drink right so it broke up it was a whole mess i'm not going to bore you with the details but i was so pissed off at her she's flirtatious she did this she did that right and then if i it seemingly i heard without provocation i was so kind to her but but if i'm honest with myself i made a decision based on self i was i had three four five months sober i was drinking i started a relationship i was in no situation no uh no place to start a relationship i was broken i just had the relationship to see what i can give to this lady it was all about me give me give me uh accompany me give me love give me you know do for me do for me do for me yeah i made a decision based on stuff my only concern was me physical emotional mental i dressed it up as i'm in love of course i'm gonna be hurt now i'm wondering another broken human being attracts another broken humanity she's she was trying the best she could with what she had yet i expected her to play the role of god in my life how unfair it's me it's me so there's many situations like that okay so now the next uh the next paragraph this is such a powerful line such a powerful lying highlighting yellow so our troubles we think are basically of our own making so our troubles we think are basically of our own making okay so now this is such an important line i believe so we've highlighted it we're gonna now circle the entire line however you want like put a border around it like circle it with pen all the yellow that you did so our troubles we think are basically of our own making it's so powerful we want to make it really stand out okay and then from the circle if you put a little arrow and align to the left margin arrow on the line to the last margin we're going to turn the book clockwise 90 degrees so the left marginal is facing me the left marginalized facing me now there's the arrow on the line i'm going to start with the arrows and then right towards the top of the page but make sure not to run into the note we wrote at the top or the margin right we're gonna write a couple of lines here it's a very powerful okay so please write this this means we're going to write two lines this means the world doesn't have to change comma for me to be okay however you want to fit that in there that's what we're writing this means This means the world doesn't have to change, comma, for me to be okay. This means, thank you, Kristen, the world does not have to change for me to be okay. How powerful. Because my entire life I thought you had to change. The government had to change. My past had to change. She has to treat me right. this like so our troubles we think are basically our world making the world doesn't have to change for me to be okay so beautiful so empowering right so let's go back to the big book they arise out of ourselves we're reading the big work right now okay their eyes out of themselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example the self will run riot though he usually doesn't think so he doesn't make so question mark after so just put your yes right to the right of the question mark right in there right there right to that question mark just put it why do you relate to that yeah i usually don't think so i need someone else to see me hence sponsorship and brothers and sisters on the path grab the yellow highlighter please above everything in yellow above everything we alcoholics must be ready this selfishness we must or it kills us in yellow above everything we alcoholics must be ready to selfishness we must or a kills us if you grab the pen they're in what we just highlighted in yellow there are two musts circle both both musts above everything real call is must circle be where the selfishness we must circle or it kills us there are many musts in this book by the way many must plus or it tells me grab the pink it's a promise now remember prayers promises meditations and pink or whatever color you chose to assign to that in pink god makes that possible god makes that possible okay we're going to continue now no highlighting and there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without his aid most of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to question mark put your why right next to the question mark okay leave the left margin empty please many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to question one i was taught right from wrong with my bad parents people have had religious upbringing moral and philosophical convictions go lower by way i couldn't live up to them what i would have like to question more grab the yellow highlighter please important we're going to finish the rest of this paragraph with yellow important neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own willpower we had to have god's help we had god's help we have to have God's help okay To the right of help, please put an asterisk. Put brackets around the asterisks. Okay, so please listen carefully again. We're going to turn the book again counterclockwise so the left margin is facing me. We're gonna put that asterix with brackets around it. Wherever this paragraph ended, we just ended. We had to have God's help. So we're going to put it in the left margin, up high, where the paragraph ended. I'm going to write upwards towards the top of the page again. There's a space. It should be a space there. Again, so now, I hope that was clear for everybody, that direction. The asterisk, please write this. Now answer, now answer, in quotation, you have to fit it somewhere there, okay? So make sure it doesn't run out to the other, run into the other notes. Now answer in quotation first requirement, end of quotation, first requirement. Now answer first requirement so you can write two or three lines, just short, short, short line so it fits now answer first requirement in last pair page 60 in last paragraph page 60. in last parallel page 60 now answer the first requirement and last para page 60 okay remember the note i told you we're going to write to go back to page 60 this isn't right here okay so you finish reading with the newcomer we relate we come to this we had to have god's help asterisk let's go oh now answer the first requirement last paragraph page 60. let's go back to page 60 let's look what it says bottom of page 60 we've highlighted it the first requirements is that we be convinced that any life run on softball can hardly be a success right i'm not just going to jump around and answer that question the big book doesn't really want me to right the last we after that question we wrote a note saying when you reach the last paragraph on page 62 come back and answer this question right because there was there was now we went together through almost two pages of considerations for me to see in my own life how i when i try to run the show my thinking and my will destroys my life Destroys my relationships. Causes me to drink at times because I have to see myself in those three pages before I can admit that any life run on Ali's will, Ali's management of his life cannot be a success. Now you can answer that question. So the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life on our cell phone can hardly be a success, right? And we put a note down that says when you reach the last paragraph, page 60, come back and answer this question. Please answer with a big yes. these are all third step pages because it says we can miss so maybe for those who want to be really picky these pages all prepare me to come to the third step let's put first step preparation pages okay so i can't just you're ready for the first step let's get on our knees i can do that nothing wrong with that there's there's a experience in that there's a deeper experience in this because at this point i'm like yeah my life run on my can hardly be a success if you go back to page 62 now okay it says this is the how and why of it circle the word how the last paragraph on page 62 this is the how and why of it this is that circle the word how circle the word why first of all we had to quit playing God circle with playing God and then the next sentence circle it didn't work quit playing god it didn' work if you grab the yellow highlighter now please highlight what we just read only this part only this part we had to quit playing god it didn't work in yellow we want to make it really stand out we have to quit plain god it doesn't work and we're almost done okay in yellow, we have the quick plane god it better work if you grab your pen again so right now we have we have circled how we've circled why below it we circled quit playing god we circling it didn't work right right so from how if you from this house circle if you could put a little line and arrow to quit playing god that's how this is the how and why of it how do i take the third step or how is god gonna help me well first of all i gotta quit playing on how quit playing gone from the circle y put a little line and arrow to the circle it didn't work very simple the how and why of it how quickly in god why it didn t work not because not because kuna told me not because my mother told me because in these pages i saw myself it doesn't work quit playing god how it doesn t work the next next week we're gonna unpack this third step decision there's a third step decision do the third step together and jump right into inventory together so thank you guys so much my apologies i hadn't had much sleep if i was all over the place i hope uh i hope you guys got something from it thank you for being here god bless you and we'll see you next week okay i'm staying by the way i'm staying for an hour or so whoever has any questions and comments i'm staying for you guys okay thank you so much