Self-Will Run Riot – Big Book Workshop – Part 3 of 4 – Katie P.

Charlie Alcoholic. Hi everybody. Boy, this is so much fun. And you know what's funny? We never know when we're doing a conference how far we're going to get or that sort of thing. But this self-chunk that we talk about, it's so big. And like Katie was saying, whenever I'm talking to a new guy and we're talking about selfishness, they nod their head like they know what we're talking about. They don't know what we're taking about, you know? Because at 34 years sober I'm still shocked by the level of selfishness and self-centeredness that goes on in my brain. A lot of times I say if you don't think you've got any lingering untreated alcoholism or selfishness how would you like to have a loudspeaker connected to your brain that transmitted your thoughts as you're walking through the world? Does that send chills up your spine? You You know, because if they knew what was going through my head in the Starbucks line, you know. And of course, all they had me my coffee and I go, you have yourself a great day, you know. But in the meantime, I go. Oh, now she's got to have the frappa loppa smoppa poppa, you know, and I'm just judging and judging and judging all the time. But, you know, when we talk about this one time, Katie was speaking at this outdoor picnic thing. It was hilarious. But we were at this. It was really funny because we were out by the lake and the whole time she's talking her heels are digging into the sand while she's Talking and I just watched her kind of sink back away from the podium, but I wasn't doing anything I was with her and they go hey as long as you're here Do you want to do a workshop on something or something? I said sure I'd like to do something on the third step and this guy came up to me from Alaska And he was 38 years sober and he goes how do you do a Workshop on the 3rd step and I said well what do you mean? And he goes, well, I mean, what is there other than the third step? And I was like, oh, I understand the question. I really hope you come because that was me for a long time. The third step was the third-step prayer, period. And I Was doing a workshop in Idaho, a men's retreat one time, Lava Springs, Idaho, and it was a great time. and the taper, we were all sitting around and there was the guy that was recording the thing and we were in this little break room and we're sitting around this big round table and somehow Katie's name came up and he gets up and he goes, this guy's wife did a one hour talk on the third step and never even got to the third-step prayer. And when he said that, I'm thinking, we do that all the time. You know what I mean? And I did some on the third step. Katie did some. We're not even halfway through it yet, you know. But if your experience, it kind of baffled me until I got to thinking, if my experience with the third-step is the third‑step prayer, how could you talk for an hour about the third–step without getting the third‑stepped prayer? Does that make sense? So, you Know, there was a lot more available there. And it's funny because, you KNOW, when I say that some of my sponsors go, oh, no, youknow, my sponsors only read three pages out of the big book, because we spend so much time in 60 to 63 and 84 to 88 but we cover a lot of stuff but I have this we're going to talk about extreme example Katie we got to it but I've got to really move but there's this one sponsor that I just love with all my heart because he is just untreated unfiltered, I mean not untreated he's just unfilpered alcoholism coming at you full no shame in his game he just comes, I've always said I should take him around with us and just have a little playpen set up over here, you know, with Chris in it as an extreme example of self-will run riot. You know, wherever so often I could go, hold on, Chris, what are you thinking about? Well, what am I thinking about, I'll tell you what I'm thinking about. I'm talking about how I got screwed around on this, you know, he's just like, it's all the time. And when I was working, and I love him, I mean, you know. A lot of times I have guys that will do inventory, and we hit them with all this stuff and they just feel terrible you know you hit them with stuff out of the fourth column and they're like god i just feel so you know and you're like dude wouldn't it be worse if you came to me and said i'm not doing very well and we did inventory and at the end of it i went god dang man i just can't see anything you could be doing different you know uh yeah maybe god's just pissed off at you i don't you know in our you know so you Know I mean we want to be digging this stuff up. That's where when it says we avoid worry, remorse and morbid self-reflection because the ego is fine whether I'm thinking I'm wonderful or if you rub my face in selfishness in the inventory process and I just go all the way over to I don't even deserve to be drawing air on this planet. And the ego ist fine with that because it's just another form of self-obsession. It doesn't care whether I am thinking I am wonderful or I am think I am worthless as long as I'm thinking about me. It's got me right where it wants me. Does that make sense? So Chris, the guy I was talking about, about a year into it, and you know, they're working. He's great. I mean, he's got seven or eight years sober now. But one day my phone rings and I look down and I go, hey, what's up, Chris? And he goes, when does the selfishness stop? Because when we started working together, he's like, no, I don't think this selfishness that you're talking about I don' t really have it. And he said, in fact, I was an honest dope dealer. And I'm like, let's just reconstruct that sentence, you know. But he called me and he goes, when does it stop? And I said, I'll never forget it because it had to have been seven years ago. Because I said brother, I don't know the answer to that question. But I know it's more than 27 years. Because it's still all over me, you Know. I mean, sometimes especially my first thought can be so selfish. and what we're talking about and then as we start talking about another term that I like to use I think Katie said it is I like to say that I have a tendency to judge people really harshly for not knowing something that I learned about 30 minutes ago you know, it's like once I start having a new awakening in this work and I start seeing selflessness, I'm like how can you not know this? I sit in the discussion meeting and go why are you guys talking all this watered down stuff And I'm going, like you did for 17 years? Well, we're not going to talk about that right now because I've been in the work for 30 minutes. So it's like, and I was talking about this during the break. In the 10-step promises, it says we have entered the world of the spirit. And then it says our next function. And when I looked up function in that old dictionary, it was unbelievable what it said. It said expected duty. Something's function is what you expect it to do. And it says our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. So when I'm working with people, how can I be more understanding? How can I being more effective? How could you have approached me when I was struggling in a way that my ego would have heard it without shutting you down? So that's what we're always trying to talk about. How can we present this thing? So back to this third step stuff. It's amazing that we're still on it. But okay, well, you definitely recap. She used to wear me out for recapping her, and she went over everything I said there. But okay, admitting I may be somewhat at fault, I'm sure others are more to blame. Anybody got any identification there? I mean, are we pretty sure that, yeah, maybe a little bit, but I think it's mostly them, you know. And it says, I become angry, indignant, self-pity. And the thing is, that's not like I'm angry this week and I'm indignant. So angry, you know, I can't believe they're going to treat me like this after everything I've done. Indignant, after everythingI've done for these people, this is the way they're gonna treat me. This is the thanks I get for everything I have done for them. And then self-pity, what's the use? I mean, I'm surrounded by idiots. I can' t work with these people. And so it's not like angry this week, indignant next week, self-pity. It's like boom, boom, bum. You know, just right in the next thing you know. And it says, what is my, here's that word, what ist my basic trouble? My fundamental trouble. Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he nicht ein Victim der Verlust, dass er die Satzfurchung und Glück aus diesem Welt haben kann, wenn er nur gut verhält. as well and i remember sitting there at 17 years seeing that line going my god i am managing my tail off and i'm just about to drop you know i mean i cannot you know that just falling into bed exhausted you know it's like oh god you know if in the delusions if i could get satisfaction and happiness if i Could just manage a little bit more and see how we're tied into that delusion that if only you people would have done right everything would have been a lot better And so the biggest movement I can get a guy to do when I'm working with him is moving him from the point of my problems are coming at me to my problems that are coming from me. I spend my whole life thinking that if my problems are coming out of me, if I could just get everything in order then I'll be less selfish and then I will probably go to the soup kitchen or read the whole Bible or something but if I can just get all this stuff in place, you know, everything would be different. And so I've spent all my time focused out here when my problems are really a demonstration of my inward condition. You know, it turns out that, well, I'll talk about it on the next page. Isn't it evident to the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? If we're in this play I was talking about with George Clooney and Julia Roberts and everything and you see me trying to get to the front what's everybody else going to do? They're trying to get to front. They're going to try to get the lines you know and so and we got chaos you know it said and do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate snatching all they can get out of the show is am i not even in my best moments a producer of confusion rather than harmony okay now i want to keep in mind that over here at 60 it said just what do we mean by that and just what we're still talking about what we mean we haven't switched to what we do yet it says our actor is self-centered egocentric boom There it is. Now, my problem is I didn't, like Katie said, when you said selfish and self-centeredness, I thought you'd been stingy and conceited. It's not that I think too much of myself or too little of myself. I just think about me too much. All I think about is me. All of my childhood memories are about me. I don't have any memories of the struggles my parents were going through or what my sister was dealing with. It's me, you know, and we're going to talk about that a lot. You know, it's just go to the top of the next page on 62. Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think, and now remember who we is? We is the original 100 that we of Alcoholics Anonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of body. They're right. So most of the time when it says we, It's those people that are on the far side of a spiritual awakening saying, this is what we did. This is what мы learned. This is wat мы figured out. And it says, that, we think, is the root of our troubles. In Bill's story, it talks about taking away my problems root and branch, right? We're not just trimming the branches of my problems now. We're going to get down to the rootof the trouble, and my basic trouble is selfishness and self-centeredness. Driven. Now, Mark used to say driven means I'm not choosing to act that way. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self seeking, self pity, I step on people's toes and they retaliate. But it says seemingly without provocation, right? I didn't do nothing and they just went off on me, you know? And there's a really ugly word here. It says, but we invariably find that at some time, invariably turns out is more than half the time. we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be harmed. Decisions based on me and my selfish thoughts and it says, which later place me in a condition to be hurt. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. Mark Houston, one time when we were doing this, he said, Charlie, this is one of the biggest promises in the big book. It says, so our troubles we think are basically of our own making. I was thinking, now why would that be a promise? And he said, because if my problems are of y'all's making, the only way I'm ever going to be okay is if I can get all y'al to act right. Right? I can say all yal down here, right? That's the plural form of yal for our friends from Boston. I say all ya'll. But if my problems are of everybody else's making, the only way I'm ever going to be okay is if I can get everybody to act right. And I have very little experience in my 62 years on this planet of getting everybody to ask me to do it. They just don't act right, right? They just doesn't act like that. Because the thing that took me a while to figure out is that when Phil gets up in the morning and writes his little play for the day, for some reason he doesn't list me as the lead role. you know it's not like everybody gets up in the morning going what could I do to make Charlie's life better today, you know so I can't get people and it says so our troubles we think are basically of our own making they arise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot though he usually doesn't think so now let me tell you what that means we came up with a great graphic Let's say that, as an example, we're going to say that this panel right here, this big double panel right there is a graph that's representative of the entire population of the United States. You with me? This is all the people in the United State. Now what we're gonna do is we're go out into the population and we're gonna round up all the people that are self-will run riot. Alright, you with me. And what we are going to do is over here We're going to build about a 25-foot high chain link fence with barbed wire and razor ribbon and guard towers and stuff. And we're goingto herd all the people from the population that are self-will run riot, right? Not my self-willed run riot. 17-year-old boys riding the fence. You know, I mean, you know, just, you Know, I came one time from putting a fire out. A friend of mine's house had caught fire, and I ran into the house with a fire extinguisher. We put the fire out, oh, my God. And I'm telling the whole story, you know, when I was meeting Katie for dinner right after. And I mean, this whole story is like, wow, you should have seen how many flames were boiling up over the three walls of this kitchen and with the fire. And her son is sitting there and he goes, this is getting really big. I go, what? He goes, there's a bump on my chin. And I was just like, that's my boy right there. You know, so we're going to take everybody that is self-will run riot and they're in this fence area. So do you have an idea of this population now? Okay, now what we're gonna do is we're go into that fenced in area and we're gunna pluck out the extreme examples. These are the people that are driving the other self- will run riot people crazy. You know even the other Self-Will Run Riot people are going oh this brother here, god almighty. So we're going to pluck out all of the extreme examples of self-will run riot. Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous. But the problem is, I don't even think I belong in the fence, right? When you come to pluck me out, I don' t think you' re plucking me out as an extreme example. I think, you know, it looked bad there for a while, I know. But now you've heard my story and you understand that really wasn't as selfish as it looked there for a while. So, really, you've come to get me and move me back into a big house out in the main population. But really, I can't see. It is an extreme example of self-will run riot though he usually doesn't think so. Heavy line right here. It says, above everything we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. And I'll never forget it. Mark Houston looked me right in the eye across the table about this size and he goes, what do the words I love that man he says what do the words above everything mean to you Charlie and I'm like I guess it's paramount importance you know it doesn't even say above everything I gotta stop drinking it says above everything I gotta get rid of this selfishness there was a story in Chuck Chamberlain's talk new pair of glasses where he told about this guy Tex that had been afraid of dogs his whole life and he was inventorying it and he remembered when he was little this neighborhood dog had bitten him but when he inventoried it a little further he realized he'd been chasing this little neighborhood girl across her yard when her dog came out and bit him and he said all my life I've been running from dogs and chasing women and dogs never were my problem you know that's kind of the way it was with alcoholism. I'd been working a program like the problem was alcohol and it turns out alcohol is the only thing I'd ever found that would ease the discomfort of a life based on selfishness and self-centeredness. It produces such a discomfort that I'm eventually going to need relief and when I need relief, it's going to come and you know, eventually in the form that I treat a lot of things otherwise you know what I mean? It can be food, pornography, gambling, collecting, spending money, all these things, but it says above everything I've got to be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us. Now over and over in the book, the book brings me to a place where it says, okay, here's the problem. Are you aware of what the problem is that we're talking about? Is it objectionable to you? And I go, yeah. And they go, by the way you can't do a darn thing about it. You know, over and over the book bring me to a point so here's the problem, here' how it presents itself. Oh, and guess what? On your own power, you can't do anything about it. He does it with alcohol. He does it with selfishness here. But it says God makes that possible. And that's why it's here in the third step. We're still moving me towards the need for this power. And it says because a lot of times when I do a third step exercise before, all we talked about was God. Do you believe in God? Do you not believe in god? Look how much deeper this is going here. And it often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without god's aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we couldn't live up to them even though we would like to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help. It's not like I can come here and talk and go, you know what? That knucklehead from Texas was right. I am going to be less selfish. You know, I'm just going to, I're going to start handing out sandwiches under the bridge, none of that is bad stuff but it's not like a little decision for me it's in my DNA. When we start telling stories about selfishness oh my God we can have so much fun with it but I mean the level of self that I carry around I had a guy just yesterday, I've been working with him for a year and he's like man I'm just having to get to where I can accept the level of selfishness I got in me because I always thought it was everybody else it was my boss, it was my wife, it wasn't my ex-wife he's like it's me man and Katie says if I'm gonna be free the problem's gotta be me because if it's them you know and here's a clue you ever find yourself mad at everybody well when it's everybody it ain't anybody it's just me running the show again and you're asking me to set down the only tool I got left When we talk about this second surrender, the first surrender in Alcoholics Anonymous is a surrender to alcohol and whatever brought me crashing into this program. But it's fairly easy to surrender when a gorilla's got his foot on your throat, you know? I mean, none of us comes into AA on a winning streak, you Know? It's like everybody in this room, and for the new people, let me just promise you there are people with varying lengths of sobriety, but everybody in this room has had day one every one of us knows what it's like to not be able to get through a without drinking and and you know and so but the surrender to you know kip collins is the first one i heard say god bless him but you know he said it's easier to get an alcoholic to quit drinking than it is to get them to quit playing god and that's what we're about to switch into because right here you know it switches over to you remember when i said just what do we mean by that? And what do we do? Well, over on 60, I wrote no, up to there I wrote what we mean. Right there where it just says we had to have God's help. Now it switches over to what we do. What do we mean by that and what do they do? Remember when we said those are fair questions for the new guy to ask? Okay, I'll turn my will and my life over to the care of God, but what do you mean by THAT and what do YOU want me to do? We've been spending all this time talking about what we MEAN And hopefully now it's got some meat on the bone. That selfishness and self-centeredness, it means something to me. And then it says, what do we do? This is the how and why of it. First of all, this is what I call the deal. The deal in step three. And throughout the book, you know how when you look at an airline route map, they have like hub cities and all these lines drawn back to the hub city. You know, like Delta's got Atlanta. And if you look at their whole route map, there's all these lines from St. Louis and Kansas City and Chicago that draw back to the hub. Throughout the book, I picture these lines drawing back to this place right here, the deal that we make in step three. It says, first of all, we had to quit playing God. How do I play God? Well, one thing is I know how everything ought to go. Am I the only one that walks into the grocery store? And now here's the other thing. I've noticed that I like to form a strong opinion based on limited information. So one of the things I've been working on lately is the sound of an alcoholic changing their mind. You know what it sounds like when an alcoholic changes their mind? We go, huh. It's like that. I got a strong opening. You know, like I walk in the grocery store. Why would they put the potato chips over here and the bean dip is way over there? I mean, for God's sake, why would you put the bean tip close to the, you know, They explained to me, well, we have all of our condiments over here, Mr. Parker, and we like to keep the chips here. And I go, huh. Okay. You know, I mean, you know, over and over again, you Know, and I know how everybody, but it says we're talking about quitting playing God. You know? It's like, I know, I know how everything should go. I know where the potato chips ought to be. I know when something is an outrage. I know which jobs I should get, which jobs I shouldn't get. I even know who should be alive and dead. I know, you know, if somebody dies, it's an outrage, you know. And Chris Schroeder, one of my favorite guys, he goes, you know you're dealing with a selfish statement when the sentence ends with on me. You know, it was like, you Know, I had a pretty good sponsor and then he died on me, and you're like, on you. You know? It was like he's dead, you know? I mean, that had nothing to do with you, pal, you You know, it's like, oh my God. I was giving a talk out in Oxford, California one time and they do great receiving lines out there and there's this long line of people that just say thanks for coming, thanks for covering, really enjoyed it, thanks for becoming. And I'm really late on this 60 to 63 during this talk and so during the receiving line up, we're going along and I look over and there is a guy standing right here and he goes, hey man, I'm not into lines, I just wanted to say thanks por coming And I go, hold on. Did you hear the piece about selfishness and self-centeredness? And he's like, yeah. And I goes, do you think these are all people that really enjoy standing in line? You know, I mean, it's like. And he was like, hmm, wish I hadn't come up here. You know what I mean? But, you know. I mean I have sponsors that will go, my uncle died. But I'm not going. I'm no longer a sponsor. I'm going to go to the funeral. So I'm, I'm now going to the funerals. I'm like, could you be any more self-obsessed? I'm like, show me the guy that can't wait for his next funeral. It's like we go because we're supporting people. It's actually getting out of self for a minute. It's going to freak you out. Because when we start looking at the way self shows up, it is everywhere, everywhere. And that's what we're going to look at. But it says, we had to quit playing God. Why would I do that? What are the next three words? It didn't work. If you're running a show that's working out real awesome for you, then rock on. You know, you don't have to change anything, right? But if you feel like you're running up against the wall, if you're getting knocked to the mat every time you step into the ring, it could be that there's more available and it might be from a different perspective around this self-peace. It says next, you know, all the third step prayer is is an affirmation of the decision I make right here at the bottom of page 62. The third step decision is right here. Next, we decided, there's the decision, that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our director. All right? He gives three examples where I'm not running a show anymore. The main deal is that I am no longer in charge. That's, you know, the deal is, I like to say, I am No Longer in Management. You know, sometimes I go, that's a management level decision and I am no longer in management. And it says, he's the principal, the head of the company, and I'm his agent. Somebody that's authorized to work on his behalf, but he's not the principal. He is the father. We are his children. Most good ideas are simple. And this concept, what concept? The concept that I am No Longer In Charge, right? A lot of this stuff is above my pay grade. You know, and it says, this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we pass to freedom. You know arch, you know the key stone is that one stone at the very top that's triangle looking and it's different from all the other ones. It's the one that holds everything together. And the key tone of this arch that I'm going to walk through is the idea that I am no longer running the show. That's the deal I make with God in step three is I ain't running the shows anymore. Right? And then back on page 46, it says we find that God doesn't make too hard terms for those that seek him. Here's the terms of the deal I make with God. The deal is that I'm no longer running a show. Listen to the termsof it. When we sincerely took such a position, what position? The position that God's in charge and that suits me just fine because I am beating my brains out here. But the thing is, when we talk, I started to say this earlier, when I'm running up against the collapse of self-will in this second surrender, it doesn't feel like, oh, usually the second surrender takes after, happens after I've been sober a while and I'm trying to manage this deal as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous for a while. And I'm still running up against the wall and stuff. And when you're running up against that second surrender believe me, the collapse of self doesn't feel like, oh boy, I'm about to have a new spiritual awakening. It feels like everything I've based my life on up to now is blowing up in my hands and it feels about as secure as if I was free falling backwards into black space. I don't know what's going to catch me. I Don't know how far I'm going to fall. And the ego will tell you, you might as well kill yourself rather than surrender to this thing. I see it all the time. You You know, the ego is like, we're not giving up, you know, control of this thing. And you're asking me to lay down the only tool I've ever had. Self-will says self-will was good as far as it went. I can get a lot of stuff with self- will. But not everything, you Know? And that's why I didn't understand why I kept blowing up those marriages. If we're going to talk about some of that stuff, how am I doing? Oh, no. No. Yeah. So she's terrible. She goes, you're about done. You're about done. I want to talk about the terms of the deal. When we sincerely took such, all sorts of remarkable things happened. We had a new employer. Now here's the terms of the deal this is super simple because you've got to keep it simple for a guy like me. It says being all powerful he provided what I needed. Is that an okay deal? Under two circumstances. It says if we stay close to him and perform his work well. What'd they say? God being all powerful will give me what I need if I stay close to him and performance work well, those are the two terms of deal. Now, what I didn't know for a long time is that that's all there. There ain't nothing else from the rest. The rest of the book is about one of those two things. It's either about staying close to him or performing his work well. Everything we do in the step work from now on is satisfying the terms of this deal that I made with God in the third step of staying close to Him and performing His work well, and then it gives the third-step promises, but it turns out I can't stay close to this power until I get close to this power, and I can'T get close TO THIS POWER WHEN I'M BLOCKED. So that's what we're going to talk about in the later work, but it says established on such a footing, and footing means the same thing as what? Basis. Established on such a footing, I become less and less. Now one time, you know, I didn't realize it but when he called me and said, when does the selfishness stop? I didn' t realize it but I had to call him back later and go, you know what, the book never implies that I'm going to be free of self. It says we established on such afooting we become less and less interested in ourselves. More and more we start thinking of what we can add to life. As I feel new power flow in, as I enjoy peace of mind. I mean, is that any appealing? Do I want peace of mine or do I want the chatter of a thousand monkeys? As I discover I can face life successfully, as I become conscious of his presence. That's another powerful word that I see Bill use over and over. The book is not trying to move me towards a belief in God or a faith in God as much as it is a consciousness of God. There's places where it says the consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you. Not just your belief, but it's part of the way I move around in the world is a consciousness of this power and how I react to people and how I see things. Does God have anything to do with Tuesday? I'm moving towards this. There's a thing on page 51 where for years it said here are many hundreds of people worldly indeed who flatly declare, who are able to say for years I thought it said that the presence of God is the most important fact of their lives I do the set aside prayer one morning and I'm reading it and it says when many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the presenceof God is today the most importan fact of our lives and I was like whoa that's different it turns out it's my consciousness of the presence of god it's not like when I did the third step prayer God picked his game up a little bit, you know. It wasn't like he was sitting there reading the newspaper going, whoa, whoa, I didn't see it coming, hold on, you now. You know, it's my consciousness of the power that changes in this work, you know, and so it says the consciousness of the presence of God. And so I look for that word consciousness just as much as I look för the word basis in the book. It says when we were now at step three, and I call this an affirmation prayer, right? But now can you see how much we covered in pages 60 to 63 and i skipped it for all that time and i used to feel bad about saying that till i realized how much company i had you know the bulk of the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous is not living in this awareness of selfishness and self-centeredness and to me it seems like it's all over the book you know i mean maybe one day i was chris was talking he goes you think one day we might look up like 15 or 20 years from now i go god remember when we were and all that selfishness stuff we were way off you know but 17 years now I've been living in this and it says we are now at step 3 y'all want to do a third step prayer together many of us said to our maker as we understood him God I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as you will relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them would bear witness to those I would help of your power, your love, and your way of life. May I do your will always. That's awesome. When I do a third step prayer with somebody now, we've spent about an hour and 15, hour and 20 minutes talking about 60 to 63 and now when we get down on our knees and do a third step prayer, he does a third-step prayer and then I do a third-stepped prayer afterwards. And I tell you sometimes I promise you I'm feeling it more than he is because now there's something to it. The first time I did the third-step prayer it just sounded like a bunch of churchy talk, you know, relieve me of the bondage of self that I made. But now I understand what it means that I am so wrapped up in self and I'm asking God and it says relieve me of the bonding of self. Why? So I got it easy He says, no, so I can better do your will. And it says, you know, take away my difficulties. Oh, good. Is that so I could chill? And he goes, no. It says that victory over them would bear witness to those I would help of God's power, God's love, God's way of life. So you find yourself going through a horrible problem thinking how am I going to get you. You work through it with spiritual principles and reliance on God. and you look up two years later and you got a guy coming to you with the same problem that victory over them would bear witness to those I would help of God's power, God's love God's way of life wow now this self peace is really starting to mean something we thought well before we've taken this step, making sure we can at last abandon ourselves utterly to God. We found it very desirable to take the spiritual step with an understanding person such as our wife best friend, spiritual advisor but it's better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was of course quite optional. I've changed all of these and nows to use I say you know that I could better serve you and you know do your will. Do whatever you want but it says the wording was quite optional as long as we express the idea of voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made an effect, sometimes a very great one was felt at once. Okay, is this a good time to hand it over? Hi y'all, Katie Parker, alcoholic. I know he's just choking up like crazy these days. The older he gets, he just cries like a big old titty baby. I love it. I love it. Is that an ugly term? Okay, you cry like a big old bear. Is that a do-over? I'm sorry. Let me do that over. Oh my God, he's just so wonderful. He just cries like a big old bear. We do spend a lot of time on the third step and if you're out there thinking, wow, that took a long time, it really needs to be talked about and talked about and talked about. I think we do misunderstand that. I don't want to miss my opportunity to say that I have a sponsor and her husband that are here from Boston, Amy and Dave. But raise your hand so everybody can see you guys. Is that not awesome? They flew in. I got two little bitty kids. They flew In and Amy and I have been working together for nine years, seven-ish. And we met her at a workshop in Nantucket, Cape Cod. There you go. I'm close enough, kind of in that area. And I just get blown away sometimes by that, you know, when I think about it. You guys are just, oh, I just love these two so much. Yeah, big pocket of enthusiasm. Yeah. And then I took on Cody. Cody, raise your hand. Cody's back there. She called me and I typically don't take people on to sponsor. I have just too many, and I'm real clear it'd be ego only and all of that stuff. And I usually will hook someone up. If they want to just go through the work, I'll hook them up with one of my sponsees. They'll take them through thework on the phone, and then they get on the firing line, and they take that message and carry that message. And in the midst of talking to Cody when I had already told her that I was not going to sponsor her, but I'd get one of our girls at the very end of the conversation, I went, oh, I'II do it. And she's like, what? You just spent 15 minutes telling me you wouldn't do it. And we, it was just so clear that God said, no, no. You need to take this girl too. So that was a very exciting, very special to me. What we're hoping to get you to is to where you're open to hearing the undeniable voice of God speak to you. That's the whole basis of this deal. Be your God of your understanding. We don't make that decision. Thank you, honey. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. And I know, golly, the thing I love so much, you see, I kind of just kind of like, so we don't like that. But the thing about this is, you know, in Alcoholics Anonymous, we throw the gate so open. It could be any God of your understanding, but you need a personal intimate relationship with this. When we were drinking, we heard the undeniable voice of God. God loves me drunk or sober. Say, don't do that. Stay. And that same voice, we're trying to get that voice consistently happening. And you have to get unblocked. These steps are designed to get us unblockged so that we can hear the voice, the sunlight of the spirit, the book calls it. But in order, we misunderstand and we get blocked and we can't, we couldn't hear God if he had a bullhorn, you know, because we're so blocked and мы're just going through life frustrated. Next time you're sitting there talking to somebody, say you're having a conversation, See who dominates the conversation most. That's an interesting way to do it. Now, don't lose sight of this, though. There's the ego turned inward because we're doing the fourth step now. The ego turned outward is like I am clearly the extrovert. And so if you relate to me, well, it's just because you're an extroverted. But the introvert is the ego turn inward. They kind of walk around like Eeyore. Yeah, well it's me. Anybody seen my tail? No, no, no. Y'all go have fun. I'll just stay here. You'll never hear me utter those words. Yeah, so you're like the drone that flies into the party, right? You land, you kind of, you're examining everything, then you're up and out. Nobody even knew you. They don't know you. They don'T know your name. They DON'T know anything because that's the way you like it. It doesn't make you any less alcoholic than me. It's just a different way that self shows up for you. See, so that's why, you know, a lot of people see my personality and go, oh, she is clearly an extreme example. But so are you. That's all I'm saying. This is not just me. See, for the longest time, Charlie was my best friend, still is my best friend, but, oh, my God, it was so obvious that Charlie was so self-centered. And I really believed I wasn't. And I know that that happens in AA. People really believe they're not self-centered. That's the very first way the ego is going to win. Okay, so now let's turn to looking at the bottom of page 63. It says, at the top of the page 63, the bottom two lines, next we launch out on this course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal house cleaning. Now here's some really interesting perspective. A course of vigorous action, and then it says the first one is doing the fourth step, right? The fourth step is three, clearly three pieces of inventory. The resentment inventory, the fear inventory, and the sex inventory. Now I like to look at the sex inventory more current since obviously, you know, I'm not out there using my sex powers. Well, I am using my six powers to get a lot in life. Don't be fooled by that, you now. I mean, I think you can look at me and go, oh, she has got, she is working that well. Are you with me on that? yeah, I'm not working it in that we're going to be taking some action on it, but I'm working it to get attention. Okay. So, but the, the, that particular inventory is more of a conduct inventory. See sex is just the emphasis on sex, but that inventory where it says, so we take sex like anything else into our meditation. So that if you look at it as a conduct inventory, we're looking at it as, how do I show up as a neighbor, as a sister, as a sponsor, right? Have I aroused jealousy, bitterness, suspicion? So we'll get into that when we start to talk about that inventory. But we're looking at resentment is the number one offender. This course of vigorous action is four through nine. I used to think it was four and five. Then I thought it was fourth through seven. I didn't realize it's four through nine now I'm going to throw this out there. Oh, I had a little surgery on my back and the stitches are healing. I just wanted to scratch it. Thank you. Oh, it's killing me. Killing me, home's killing me. Okay, so one of the things that I'm going to throw this out there, if you like it, great. If you don't, fine. But when I'm working, if I'm workin' with a new guy, I typically work with people that are in untreated alcoholism. I don't work with that many new people because new people are, they require so flippin' much time and I really don't have it. So I'll hook them up with somebody. I never say no. I say, I can't do it, but let me hook you up with Mary. Let me hook You up with Jane. So you're not going to be flapping in the wind. I think anybody that comes to you and says, can you sponsor me? And you say no, and you don't help them out. That is wrong, right? Straight up wrong. So this course of vigorous action, if I'm going to take the new guy through, I like to do 10 resentments, 10 fears, and 10 sexual harms. And when we do these 10 and you only have like two weeks to do your inventory in. So when I do that third step, right, we take an hour on step one. I let you go home and think about it. Are you willing to do the work? If they say yes, then I do the third step. That takes about an hour. So we sit down, we do the first step. I line them out on the fourth step. Now most people are like, oh this is too much coming at them. No it's not. Bill and Bob were doing it just quick, quick, quick. There's no slowing down. So I line them out on the fourth step and they're going to be calling me three times a day because that's what the new guy does, right? He's constantly talking to you and he's getting directions and clarity on this. So then I tell him when I'm doing the third step with you after we're done, I look at my calendar, you look at your calendar. They must have a deadline on that fourth step. Don't ever give a sponsee an open-ended do an inventory. They'll never do it. So they have to have, I tell them two weeks. It's going to be a Saturday. We're going to meet for four hours. So earmark that day and time. Now, I don't have anybody cancel on me, but I think it's because I've laid out the terms of the deal. If you have people cancel on you, I really believe it's a first step issue. So when you bring those to me, then that's the course of vigorous action. Have you ever sat down and somebody's got 45 five resentments, and then they got 15 fears and 15 sex behaviors. You'll never get through that fast. You're going to have to meet them again. And then you're goingto meet them again. We lose this momentum of a course of vigorous action. So then once, and I give you about six weeks to go make those 10 amends, right? And there could be more because of the sex and the harm. So we could have 15 amends. I giveyou six weeks to make those amends. And then by the time we're wrapping that up, you do another 10-10-10. Does that kind of make more sense? I know you're looking at me like, what? It is not in the book, but I am trying to streamline your spiritual awakening. Because otherwise, I'm telling you, you'll get destroyed. You bring 72 resentments, forget it. I'm not doing it.I've heard people say, well, I group them. What? what's grouping them mean you when they go to make the amends i don't need a group of people that i did poorly i need it specific what this amends is going to look like so that's what i do and uh so now it says in the book that we are on a life or death errand right this fifth step life or dead therein that's how important this inventory is this is designed to get me unblocked so i can have the first spiritual awakening which is the drink problem we need the drink problem to be removed. It says it begins to happen after the fifth step. Why would I want somebody to wait four months to do inventory? It baffles me. Now, this is after I've learned all this stuff. So on the front end, I was basically a life coach when I sponsored and I always sponsored. I was very much a life Coach because I've got a lot of life experience, got a lot of therapy background from being in group therapy most my adult life. This is a totally different ballgame. And so, it's talking about...so we flip the page. So now you're on page 64. And it's interesting because...now listen to what it says. Though our decision, top of the page, though our decision...what decision? This third step decision was a vital...vital means key to life. Though our position was a crucial step, it could have little or permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. That's blocking us from that sunlight of the spirit. Our liquor was but a symptom. That's the first time I'd ever read that was at 17 years and saw that line. Our liquor is but a symptoms. I'm like, I thought booze was the problem. I worked a program based on the abstinence of booze. Just seeing if you're listening. remember when Chad got his chip and he said, I came here to pick up my chick? I thought, the whole group, okay, I'm back with you. Okay, what had been blocking us, right? Our liquor was but a symptom. So I worked a program based on the abstinence of alcohol for years. So we had to get down to causes. There's column two in conditions. There is column three, how I show up. Then I love where it says, the first paragraph, no regular inventory. We usually go broke. So this is where it's telling me, you guys, you got to continue to take inventory. Ask yourself the question, turning statements into questions, when was the last time you actually wrote an inventory? I'm telling you, the average person in here hasn't written inventory in years. I hadn't written a piece of inventory in five years. I mean, 15 years when I did my first inventory. I didn't even remember how to do it. I'm not ashamed of that. I've got a lot of I'm here to tell you, I got great company in that squad. So it says that I'm on... Now, here we're just going down the paragraph. I'm a fact-finding and a fact facing mission. Today, I understand that the fact finding is the person listening to the inventory. Fact facing is your job. So when you come at me and you got mom in column one and then you got, you know, she loved my sister more. She never showed up for me and she just always talked to me terrible, right? Those bullet points. Mr. Brown's a perfect example, right? His attention to my wife, told my wife I had a mistress, and Brown wanted his job. My God, he has threatened the two worst things you can threaten is my money and my relationship. You know, they call it crimes of passion for a reason. He got 19 words. That's it. The reason why is that second column is designed to be bullet points. I'm not interested in, you know, a novel. Just three bullet points. We're going to talk plenty. I know you guys have probably seen this T-shirt. It's my favorite in AA where it says Mr. Brown needs his ass kicked. Only an alcoholic would get that. But what we're looking at here is I want you to sit. Inventory is to be written quickly. It's not to be pondered and thought when you and I sit and talk. So we've got our three bullet point, right? So now the fact-finding is when I'm going to go into this inventory and say, okay, so how many brothers and sisters did you have? Where did you fall in the family? Was this your mom and dad's first marriage? How old were they when they got married? I'm making the picture so that I get an understanding of what you're talking about. You believe what happened happened. And, of course, I'm not talking about sexual abuse or physical abuse. Those are horrific. They're a whole different ballgame. I'm just talking about you feel like your family didn't love you, okay? That's common, abandonment issues, that kind of stuff. So I'm going to get a picture of this. And then what we're going to do is it says, and I love what it says. It's an effort to discover the truth about the stock in trade. Isn't that interesting that they say it's an effort because it is when you sit down with somebody. I'm gonna be asking a lot of questions. You certainly get to give me your storyline but after a while I'm gona be doing more talking than you are, right? I'm going to start to begin to see what's going on. Now, interesting enough, when it says it's an effort to discover the truth about the stock and trade, this is where you're going to be swallowing and digesting large chunks of truth about yourself. A perfect example is I sponsored this girl who is a very, she's just a very powerful woman, a lot like myself. You know, she demands, she really demands a lot of attention as to who she is and she runs the show. Well, somebody had sent her a very ugly email. Very, very ugly e-mail. It was really, I heard it and I couldn't believe it. And then they signed it anonymous. So we see a real chicken, fill in the blank, right? You know, not going to even stand up for what you said. And she said, you know, I've read it to my husband and he was appalled and, you now, la, la. After I told her that was just terrible. I'm so sorry that you had to experience that. however, is there any truth in what they said? And that's where she just went, yeah, yeah there is. I go then let's talk about that. I said wouldn't it have been nice if they could have sent that email just all sugar and sweet and then let me just tell you what I see but that's not how the world treats us especially if you're a personality like mine. It's like every time I've done inventory if I do it with Lorenz he always goes Katie what's so surprising is you challenge people, and then you're shocked when they take you on. And he said the only one in the room that's shocked is you. That was an awakening for me. It's about looking at this from an entirely different angle. What angle is that? The angle of the person in column one. Let's see what your mother had to do with putting up with you, your black hole of emotional need. Nobody could have given you enough. And let's not forget, I left home at 15. My dad, I would have told you I left home at 16 because my dad was this and this and this. I lost my mom when I was eight and he remarried several times and all of this stuff. What I was was a pain in the ass. That's what I was. My sister wasn't. And they had a great relationship. I challenged my dad on everything. And it's interesting, you'll find that personality. You'll either marry that personality or somebody that you love is that personality and you'll find you don't get along with them well either. You want to challenge everything they do? I mean, the work is always going to show up. You quit a job, you're going to find that same problem at the next job you're at. If you don'T take care of the problem where you are through this process, you'll continue to repeat over and over and again. So then it says one object is to disclose damaged or unsaleable goods to get rid of them promptly and without regret. This is really important that you understand what that says, what that's trying to tell us. You see, we want to uncover it, discover it, and then lather ourselves in it. We want to just stay in self-pity all the time. I'm telling you, if you can hear one thing that I say is when you do this inventory when you're doing the observation of yourself, do not judge yourself. They say in spiritual literature that's the highest form of spiritual pride is when you beat yourself up. God's like going, man, I am trying to teach you something here and you just keep beating yourself up, you're missing it. It says, and then, you know, several pages over and I'll point to this one more in the fifth step. It Says at the end of the fifth Step we will be delighted if after you've heard inventory, you're not delighted, then you have gotten yourself into self-pity. Most people go into inventory with a resentment, which means we're self-righteous and we come out with self-pitty. Obviously they didn't understand what I was trying to tell them. You know, it was just terrible. And we just, you know, just spin out, spin out. And so, and then it says if the owner of the business is to be successful. So this is just us guys that want to be successful. He cannot fool himself about value, the last line in that paragraph. What is value? Value is our old ideas, our belief systems. I'll read that again. If the owner of a business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. Family, work, AA, every one of us has strong values. You heard me, you know, I mean, I got issue with the millennials. You know, I have millennials. They're my children, okay? I mean, I have issues with we're breaking tradition, bringing politics into AA. I have, you know, first you have the babies, then you get married and you do everything, you knows, backwards. I mean I could just throw out tons of stuff. There's so many controversial things that I have issue with. Thank God I come to my sponsor and I get to talk about this in inventory process and get to see this from an entirely different angle. So where do these old ideas show up? They show up in the third column of a resentment inventory, my self-esteem, my pride, my ambition, my security, okay? I know a lot's coming at you. This will all be on tape, so you'll be able to sit down with people, listen to this. I think it's a good idea to get with like three people after this event and make a commitment that we're going to meet every Tuesday for one hour. There's no screwing around here because I'm telling you, you get away from this after about four or five days, it just, you just go back to sleep. And so you're going to get your three or four buddies. You're going sit down, you're gonna listen to this CD for about 15 minutes. You stop it and then you ask each person, what'd you hear? You get about a minute or two. What'd you Hear? What'd You Hear? Would You Hear?. And what we're doing is we're not talking about experience. We're talking about directions. What did you hear them say? I just heard them say that the old ideas are in the third column of a four-column inventory. I'm not 100% clear on it yet. See, I don't want you to go into your experience. There's a place for your experience, it's just not right here. So when we're talking About Self-Esteem, I just ask the question how? if this four-step is designed to tell me my DNA I need to know exactly how Katie shows up that's why I think sometimes we go to the twelve and twelve because we don't really understand the process twelve and twelves a good piece of literature never designed to take the place of the big book as a matter of fact if you really look at it the 12 and 12 will start to list all these character defects I may or may not have some of those I just laid out my inventory oh my defects are glaring let's talk about me so self-esteem you would start it out with an IM statement it's the value I've put on myself now most defects of character come out of good character did you get that so by now I'm not saying you know the F word in the line at Starbucks I know better now right it's not even gonna sneak out because I'm just no better I'm spiritually fit in that way so my character defects are going to come out a good character so I'm a good mother but I'm the better mother than you are I'm good AAA but I really better than you are I'ma good driver but I am a better driver than your you see how that turns into a defect so we take this good character and it the ego gets it and turns it into a defect. Because the problem with self is it's a shapeshifter. So all of a sudden, you're looking for this fear or this resentment or this deep, deep character defect. And the ego has shapeshifted it. So now it shows up just a little differently. Oh, I know. Look at them, honey. They are like... I am so on it. I am still on it and I love that. That feeling I just got right there was really where you're, you're taking it in. It's, it's fantastic. No, that was not an opening for you to start talking. It was just, just look at him. No. Hey, I'll take a digit right there, mister. So, and to some people you're like, no, you read that wrong, Katie. It's going over my head. It will begin to make sense. This is like wearing two left shoes for a while. Before you know it, you start to, you know, trust me. Same feeling I had. So your self-esteem is an I am statement. I am a good mother. You know, and this is all based on whoever's in column one. So right, you write inventory down, right? Mom, skip a line. Dad, skip a line sister, skip align, right. That's how you write imagery. Then you come back up three bullet points. Don't think too hard. Just do, do, then you come back up. Now's where we're going to start putting some, some writing on the page. My self-esteem. How do I feel when my mom does this? I'm a mother myself. I am a good mother. I am responsible. You know, she treats me like I'm just nothing, right? This could be how it goes. Then in pride, now pride always starts with no one should, could, or would. No one should ever talk to me like that. No One Should Ever Treat Me Like That. Noone Should Ever Question Me. How about that one in alcoholics? I like that one. I still like it today. And that's the one that will get me in some serious trouble. Now, once again, I blend well, but you have no idea what's going on up here. Right? We think we blend well. We really don't. Now, ambition is what I want to have happen. See, in this situation, I wanted them to apologize. in order for me to be okay. Everyone has to do as I wish. My security is I need to be okay. I need them to tell me they love me. I need all of us to get along. Now this is going to be hard to understand, but you'll go back to the CDs and listen to it. My self-esteem, my pride, and my ambition must be met. And what I will do is my security will never happen until all three of these are met. See, the bottom line is, say you're mad at your sister. You've had a resentment towards your sister for eight years. We haven't spoke. You really want to all get along. You do want them to behave differently. But the truth of the matter is, is in your security, I just want us to all gets along. Well, it will never happen based on your self-esteem, your pride, and your ambition. That third column has to be met before I'll be okay on self-reliance. Okay, I'm going to assume you got that. Okay now personal relationships. This one's interesting. These are your deep-seated beliefs on how relationships should be. This is where I said mothers are, children should, all of those. Oh you'd be shocked at old ideas. You get somebody to write an old ideas list, and no wonder they're having so much conflict. It is just all over the place. Your old ideas lists will only be on the situation you're in. I had a girl do it on husbands, and let me tell you, husbands are losers, you know. That was unbelievable. Men are, husbands aren't. And I said, isn't that interesting? I said you didn't put anything in there like men are strong. men are uh compassionate men are doers they like to get stuff done they're hunters and gatherers men aren't very deep emotionally but you know what i'm saying so it was interesting and then when it was women are oh well women are stellar you know so she had all this what women are and i mean she had just glumped all men this isn't an unusual uh old ideas inventory but it was it began to get you to see how you if a guy did show up and and became did something good for her she couldn't see it because it's still a day late and a dollar short that's a that's another one well it's too late now oh my gosh we could just go on and on so then sex relationships and pocketbook are pretty self-explanatory, right? My person has been threatened sexually or pocketbooks. My self-esteem, oh, I just said that. My self esteem, pride, blah, blah. Now, I want you to see on page 64 where it says, oh, I think it is middle of the page. We searched out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failures? Okay, it's on the paragraph second down that says we did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. You can't imagine how many places in the book it says that we have to be honest. Is that not just almost embarrassing? We're like, oh, this is where you want me to tell the truth? Okay. Go ahead. Keep going. I'll do that. I love when a sponsor will start a statement out with saying, I'm not going to lie. I go, that's good. we kind of don't want you to lie. I really think we're the only people that do that. I'll be honest with you then, okay? Yes. So it says, we search out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure. Being convinced that self-manifested in various ways is what had defeated us, we consider itself common manifestation. Now, do you see the word being convinced? Okay, go over to page 60. Hold page 64. Go over to page 60 and after the A, B's and C's it says being convinced we were at step three in italics, right? Now you flip over here and it says now that we have been convinced. We hope we've convinced you in these two and a have four... Oh, I'm sorry. I was looking at that and I was thinking this is not working, Charlie. Okay. Go down one more paragraph. The first requirement is that we have to be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. So we have to be convincing. Over here they're convincing me by saying being convinced that self manifested in various ways is what caused our failure. We have to get down its common manifestation. Okay, does that make more sense? I probably really screwed you up on there. Yes, those four pages are designed to convince me. Okay. You can't keep correcting me now. Thank you. Okay here we go. I know I do but you know what I've got I'm working out of a new book because my old book is so I can't even figure out where I am it's so marked up and everything and so that's where I screwed it up but it's all good okay so now page 66 flip over to that and once again I apologize I thought I had a to conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got it's about three or four lines down to conclude that others we're wrong was as far as most of us ever got. We did column one and two on the barstool, right? I mean, honestly, do you remember drinking and people say, what are y'all talking about? We're solving the problems of the world. I mean we are know-it-alls. It's unbelievable. We know everything and I'll let you talk but you don't. I'm the know-It-All. It says the usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. That's the key there, guys. Most of us really are resentful at a lot of things in life. And then it says, and I believe once again, I apologize, I thought this, I had these notes, but the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph are short-lived. so what the word seems is italicized why because it's a delusion have you ever beat somebody to a pulp with something that you believe in and they finally go okay fine you were right and it just doesn't it just isn't you just just knew that was going to feel better my dad and I I'm telling you we fought like cats and dogs everything we fought on and I remember telling him, after my mom died, my dad remarried three times in 18 months. And I know Charlie likes to say, boy, he could close a deal. And we had four live-in housekeepers. It was 1967, you know, it was a totally different day and time. He'd get on a plane on Monday, go up to Pittsburgh to U.S. Steel and, you Know, come back on Friday. We had, it was seven women in our home. We had three kids. And one of the things is, is I wanted to blame my dad for everything that happened that he just really what he was, was a stellar man, but not from my perspective. So we're sitting there and I'm probably 10 years sober and we get in this huge fight. And I said, you know what, dad, you Know, this is what happened. Blah, blah, blah. I said things I should never have said to a father. It was really bad. And he looked at me and he goes, You know, Kate, I effed up. Okay, I effed up. He said it like three times, and I remembered. I'm in untreated alcoholism. I remembered thinking, God, I thought that was going to feel better. And then I come out of untreated alcoolism some almost 10 years after that, and i read that line, and it was as if that story just came right through. And it was like, oh my god. You see, if you're having conflict conflict with a family member, our whole mission is to heal that. Our whole mission is to, we don't get to say I'm estranged from my sister. We just don't. And wait until, I know, I can't even begin to tell you, by the time we get to the 11th step you're going to be blown away by some of the stories. This takes a long plowing of the ground. This isn't that you just go and start visiting them every week. We're going to bring this all together towards the very end. We only have about seven more minutes, guys, then we're going to take a break. We turn back to the list for it held the key to the future. I think we're still on page 66. I'm not sure. Yeah, yeah, okay, good deal. Thank you. It says we turn back the list, for it helped the key of the future, we were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We begin to see that the world and its people really do dominate us. In that state, the wrongdoings of others fancy to real had the power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than we could alcohol. This is a crucial line. This was our course. We call this the sick man prayer. We realize that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick, though we did not like their symptoms, column two, and the way they disturbed us, column three, they like ourselves were sick too. We ask God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we grant, cheerfully grant a sick friend. You know, people always say pray for the other person. That's a story in the back of the book. We're actually asked, we got to pray for us. We've got, this was our course on any resentment you have. This was our force on any fear you have that when we do this prayer, this prayer of asking God to help me see this differently. Now we've got the fourth column and let me tell you what, we really put some meat on the bone on this one. So the fourth column, because now we're getting ready to look at this at a different angle. Charlie and I do inventory a little differently. He spends more time in what I call the sick man prayer. I spend more time in the third column than he does. We both get to the top of the mountain, okay? But now the fourth column, it tells us where we have to look for selfishness over on page 67, that first real paragraph. Selfishness, dishonesty, self-seeking and frightened. Right? Now we avoid argument and retaliation. If you sit down to do inventory with me and you start to argue, well, it just doesn't happen. If you start to argue with me, I've already told you, we're not doing that. We're coming here for freedom. I've only shut the book twice on people in inventory because they continued to argue and I said, I'm done. And I shut the books and they're like, no, no, I don't want to do this. No, no. I'm sorry. I'll pay a consequence in my world. We're done. I'm now telling you when this deal's over. And I make them wait about a week because I'm not doing it. I gave you two warnings and you still continued to argue with me. You start to argue with the alcoholic ego, you will lose every time. You will not win. You'll walk away, the spiritually fit person walks away more disturbed because we're spiritually fit. The other person's like, well, I told them. So this fourth column and we'll revisit this but I just want to hit this, get this on CD. It's how selfishness shows up. we do five ways of self. Self-righteous, self-pity, self reliance, self centered and self seeking. You probably won't be able to write these all fast enough but because it's a lot coming at you. Self righteous I'm better than you. self pity I'm less than you self-reliance how you're running the show. Self centered why you want the show to go your way and self seeking is how you make getting your way happen. Remember what I told you? I want your DNA. I don't need to know that you're selfish. I don'T need to KNOW that you'RE self-centered. How? What happens when Charlie embarrasses me? What happens when Charlie doesn't pay attention to me? You see what I mean? I need to see these things so that when I'm walking around in that 10th step, I know exactly what I'm watching for. And then in dishonesty, there's three forms of dishonesty. flat out lying, don't tell the whole truth by omission, and then believing the delusional lie that I'm telling myself. Those are the three different ways that dishonesty shows up. Afraid, afraid of not getting what you want or losing what you have, right? That self-centered fear. And the example is, oh no, I've got that fear happening. So can you see how much more you've got written about yourself. So when we're coming into this inventory, it's unbelievable how clear you're going to be when you walk out. You don't need to go to the 12 and 12 for gluttony and sloth and all those things. If you were lazy, we're talking about how lazy you are. See, you're not lazy when you're interested in something. But if I need you to do something, you become lazy see and you'll be amazed at how it shows up if I end on fear inventory are you gonna go back to the fort oh I know it okay okay so what I've got I've got about a minute the fear inventory Charlie will be able to send this stuff to you I have a fear inventory that's straight out of the book, but this is an example of how to do it. Now you may be doing a fear inventory, great. I never did fear inventories because I'm the kind of girl who takes a step forward. I don't see fear. You scare me, I take a step forth because I am pissed. So I don' t see fear, does that kind of sum it up for some of y'all? So when one of my sponsees said, oh Katie I love the fear inventory and I said well then show me how you do it, But because, see, I don't ever want to remain the teacher. I want to remains teachable. And so she did this for me. So if you're interested in this, you can shoot me until we get our stuff out with Charlie. You can shoot an email that just says send me the fear inventory. I'll send you the third column, the fourth column of a resentment inventory, what I just read. The fear inventory, a couple of spiritual laws and stuff. My email is much smaller. And so but we're going to take a break and then we'll come back to this. lunch. Thanks, guys.