Step 5 and the Abuse She Finally Stopped Carrying – Sandy H.

About This Speaker Tape

New Orleans, the streets, selling herself for the next drink. Sandy H. describes a life of wreckage where she used pills to stay awake for work and others to come down, all while drowning in liquor. She recalls the raw terror of being shoved through a treatment center door by an Al-Anon lady, pressing her face against the glass, praying the woman wouldn't look back and realize a mistake had been made.

Sandy speaks of the "2 a.m. crazy" and rejects the "9 o'clock rule," insisting on being available 24/7 because she knows the desperation of the void. She recounts the friction of early sobriety—the "big book thumper" who screamed about his hemorrhoids to keep her humble, and the struggle to learn how to be a woman, from buying bras to wearing dresses to show respect for the program. From the "Tarzan" method of swinging from one relationship vine to another to finding a Higher Power, Sandy emphasizes that her seat in the room was earned through the grit of the steps.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sandy H. opens by discussing her nervousness and the influence of Herb and Kip's workshop.
• 3:15 Laughter: Sandy discusses the '9 o'clock rule' in New Mexico and her identity as a '2 o'clock crazy' drunk.
• 6:40 Sandy recounts selling herself on the streets of New Orleans and the drug bust that led to treatment.
• 11:20 The experience of being shoved into treatment by an Al-Anon lady and her initial hatred for the program.
• 16:30 Sandy describes her lack of 'girl stuff' and the help she received from women in the halfway house to find her clothing size.
• 22:10 The 'Money Man' and the decision to stop selling herself to find a Higher Power.
• 26:45 The 'old fart' Big Book thumper and the lesson of principles before personalities.
• 31:10 Identifying with Bill W.'s story in the Big Book to overcome the feeling of being 'different'.
• 36:20 The 'ugly separation' from her first AA marriage and the refuge she found in Narcotics Anonymous.
• timecode The story of her mother moving to Idaho and the peace of being a 'kind living daughter' before her death.
• 42:15 The transition to Albuquerque and the commitment to be of maximum service to 'sick women'.