The Difference Between Being Physically Sober and Emotionally Insane – Tim H.

About This Speaker Tape

Thursday Night Speaker - 2006

A 45 automatic in his mouth was the only way Tim H. knew how to surrender before he found a program that actually worked. He spent decades cycling through psych units and state conservatorships convinced that alcohol was his solution to a lifelong burning cramping sensation in his stomach and a mind that wouldn't shut up. After killing a child in a car accident at seventeen he vowed never to drive again living in a state of physical sobriety but emotional insanity. It took a sponsor who was 'bigger than his ego' to smash the lies he told himself and force him back behind the wheel to make a living amends. Tim H. moves from the wreckage of dishonorable discharges and institutionalization to the quiet head and calm heart of a man who no longer needs to sleep with the lights on.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Tim H. welcomes the newcomers and warns the non-identifiers.
• 2:45 Discussion on the necessity of a sobriety date and the decision to move his from '91 to '96.
• 6:10 Tim H. describes his childhood in Milwaukee and the 'burning, cramping sensation' in his stomach.
• 11:20 The 1979 car accident and the subsequent vow to never drive again.
• 15:40 The 'unfortunate incarceration' and the cycle of using psych units for food and attention.
• 19:15 The moment of surrender: a 45 automatic in his mouth and a plea for help.
• 23:50 Meeting his sponsor, Johnny H., and the realization that he needed a sponsor bigger than his ego.
• 28:10 The process of returning to driving as part of his amends work.
• 31:45 Reflections on the 'quiet head and calm heart' and the gift of sleeping with the lights off.