Step 8 and the 28-Page Immoral Inventory – George

About This Speaker Tape

A 28-page immoral inventory. That was the first attempt—a document of self-deception and garbage. George G. recalls the paralyzing fear of the fifth step, the terror of sitting across from another human being and illuminating every dark cranny of the past. He describes the grit of the process: the sweating, the nervousness, and the realization that he had spent his life looking down and out, never in and up.

He speaks of the "boogeyman" and the chains of childhood devastation, and the heavy wreckage of a gun given to a friend that ended in suicide. For George, humility wasn't a Hallmark sentiment; it was the brutal recognition of acting like an idiot and the decision to stop. He credits the process of stripping away isolation and "puke parlor" secrets to a Higher Power. To avoid the cardboard box of the streets, he chose the discomfort of honesty over the safety of the drink.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Discussion on the Fourth Tradition and the 'right to be wrong' within the group conscience.
• 2:15 Reading from the Big Book regarding the 'life-and-death area' of the Fifth Step.
• 4:10 The shift from looking 'down and out' to looking 'in and up' after the First Step.
• 6:30 Laughter: The realization that he and his Higher Power were not on talking terms during early sobriety.
• 8:45 Defining humility via the 12 and 12: a recognition of what we really are versus what we could be.
• 11:20 The 'puke parlor party' comment regarding what belongs in the rooms versus what belongs with a sponsor.
• 14:10 A memory of an old-timer, Mike M., challenging his fear of the Fifth Step by asking if he saw any cops outside.
• 16:45 The experience of a five-and-a-half hour Fifth Step with Larry L. at Palmetto Park.
• 19:30 The heavy admission of responsibility for a friend's suicide.
• 22:15 The anecdote about the gambler and the dice table as a warning against self-delusion.
• 25:00 The process of doing a specialized Fifth Step for his time as a roadie in the rock and roll business.
• 27:45 The 'cardboard box' as the ultimate deterrent against returning to old behaviors.