The Internal Condition That Makes External Circumstances Better – Chad P.

About This Speaker Tape

A broken jaw, a wired-shut mouth, and a hip shattered in a wreck. Chad P. swore off the bottle in a hospital bed, only to vanish back into the void two days later. He spent years in the "quitting years," a cycle of short-term abstinence and homelessness, eventually landing in AA. For a while, he played the part of the "good member," hiding in the middle of the herd and using meetings as a temporary relief valve for a day spent in resentment and self-will.

He describes the delusion of the alcoholic: the belief that if he could just arrange the external wreckage—the money, the reputation, the relationships—he would finally be okay inside. He calls this "self-will run riot." Through the steps and a Higher Power, Chad realized the internal condition must change first. By destroying the self-centeredness that blocks the channel, he found that as self goes down, God consciousness automatically flows up.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Chad P. introduces himself and mentions his 23 years of sobriety.
• 3:15 The hospital wreck: broken bones, wired jaw, and the failure of a two-day sobriety attempt.
• 6:40 The 'middle of the herd' phase: attending meetings without working the steps.
• 8:20 The uncomfortable two-hour conversation on a clubhouse porch that led to a spiritual awakening.
• 12:10 Discussion of Step 3 and the necessity of understanding the spiritual malady.
• 16:45 The 'common sense' vs 'uncommon sense' paradox.
• 21:30 Laughter: Discussion of the 'weird people' at a meditation retreat.
• 25:10 The price of a new way of living: the destruction of self-centeredness.