The Difference Between Saying Sorry and Making Direct Amends – Gary T.

About This Speaker Tape

February 16, 1994: Gary T. is sick in the toilet at noon, wondering for the first time if this isn't normal. He spent years as a "rifle and bell tower kind of guy," just waiting for the snap. He entered AA convinced the rooms were full of homeless people with no bank accounts, while he clung to his $7 in savings and a car held together by wire. He describes his drinking as a prize fight where booze always leaned down after a lucky punch to tell him, "Come on, you can take me."

Through a series of sponsors—a cranky carpenter and a few ex-cons—Gary learned the grit of direct amends. He recalls the wreckage of stealing money from his father's wallet the day he died, a debt he eventually repaid by slipping cash into his mother's Bible so she would believe her father was still taking care of her. He warns the new arrivals that there is a world of difference between saying "sorry hun" and making a direct amend.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Gary T. opens with his sobriety date and a joke about his missing coffee pot.
• 3:15 Laughter: Gary describes his early misconceptions about AA members being homeless and jobless.
• 7:40 Gary recounts his first drink at fourteen and the chaos of his early drinking days.
• 12:10 The aspirin overdose and the conversation with the psychiatrist in the hospital.
• 16:50 Gary's period of self-diagnosing medical conditions like Tourette's to explain his drinking.
• 21:30 The 'bell tower' fear and the moment of clarity on February 16, 1994.
• 26:10 The 'wet couch' stories and the experience of walking into his first meeting.
• 31:00 Discussion of the Big Book and the feeling of 'terror, bewilderment, frustration, and despair'.
• 36:40 Sponsorship: Gary describes the aggressive, high-meeting-count approach of his early sponsors.
• 42:15 Step 4 and 5: The 'code' in his inventory and the realization that his sponsor had 'topped' his secrets.
• 47:30 The story of the stolen money and the amend made via the father's Bible.
• timecode Closing story about the lady with the fork at the potluck.