The Difference Between a Higher Power of My Understanding and Higher Power – Stevie B.

About This Speaker Tape

East Coast Convention - 2020

Stevie B. maps out a life defined by a desperate need to be 'more'—a drive that started with childhood fantasies of having big brothers to gain 'juice' on the playground and evolved into a series of elaborate lies and substance abuse. He recounts the wreckage of his early years including a childhood accident where he convinced a peer to shoot at him with a gun resulting in the loss of an eye. After a period of 'settling for sober' and a relapse involving six felony car crashes Stevie B. finds a turning point through the mentorship of Russell. He describes the shift from a superficial recovery to a spiritual life navigating the grief of a lost pregnancy and the miracle of adopting his son Joshua despite a criminal record that nearly blocked the process.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction by a friend; laughter regarding Stevie B.'s tendency to overwhelm groups with his people.
• 4:15 Stevie B. discusses the feeling of being 'less than' on the playground and the lack of 'juice' without big brothers.
• 8:30 The story of the 'shoot at me' game and the loss of his right eye at age 12.
• 13:45 Description of early substance use as a 'cure' for being restless, irritable, and discontent.
• 18:20 The 'spring break' arrival in Minnesota: wearing balloon pants in a February blizzard.
• 24:10 The 'fine wine' experiment and the subsequent six felony car crashes.
• 28:40 Meeting Russell and the impact of the Good Samaritan story from the Bible.
• 34:15 The grief of losing a baby and the struggle with the phrase 'Higher Power only gives you what you can handle'.
• 38:50 The adoption process and the miracle of his son Joshua's red hair and green eyes.
• 43:10 The buffet metaphor: 'Settling for sober' vs. being 'happy, joyous, and free' with a Higher Power.