The Rigorous Honesty Required to Stop Bullsh*tting Himself – Dick M.

My name is Alan. I'm an alcoholic. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope for each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership. We are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA does not ally with any sect, denomination, politics, organization, or institution, does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. AA anonymity, there may be some here who are not familiar with our tradition of personal anonymity at the public level. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV and films. Thus we respectfully ask that no AA speaker or indeed any AA member be identified by full name or photograph in published or broadcast reports of our meetings. The assurance of anonymity is essential in our effort to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share our recovery program with us. And our tradition of anonymity reminds us that AA principles come before personality. I want to take this moment to thank the entire committee for helping put this on. On the back of your programs, on the very bottom it says, a special thanks to all the helping hands whose names are not listed. And that's who really worked hard today. And I really want to thank everybody. Sheraday is a committee of Nassau Intergroup, just one of other committees in Nassaut Intergroup. And today to share with us we have the chairperson of Nasser Intergroup and I'd like to introduce Stanley E. Good afternoon. My name is Stanley, and I'm an alcoholic. And I'm really glad to be one, especially at a time like this when I can get together with a whole bunch of other sober alcoholics. And all of us ought to be dead or half-dead or drunk or in an institution or in jail or in a hospital. And instead of that, here we are, home free, you know? We come out here and enjoy a beautiful day, and we eat sandwiches and drink coffee and go to workshops and all kinds of stuff about how we got changed from dying to living. And that's pretty fine in my book. And it's really a dream. I like the theme that was chosen this year, Come Share Our Dream. And when Alan was telling about thanks to the members of the committee, named and unnamed, all of those who worked on this, I guess that's been the thing that's guided their work. They wanted all of us to come and share their dreams And the only one, of course, that Alan didn't thank was Alan. And I think we want to thank the chair of this committee for the fine job they did in inviting us to come and share the dream. And in a way, also, that's the guiding theme, if you will. It's the work of NASA Intergroup is saying to every drunk who isn't here today, we want you, wherever you may be in whatever kitchen or closet or bar or basement we want YOU to come and share our dream so that informs the work of Intergroup as a whole we have a unique chance to do that as Intergroup General Service helps to form the conscience of AA in North America and at inner group we have the chance to reach out to the drunks that are living the nightmare instead of living the dream and so whatever committee it may be at the inner group whether it's the people that put together the 12-step lists and harass your group about getting the names in I our group had the night book this past week and I called up a woman and there was a long silence And she said, I thought you all knew Kevin had been dead a year ago today. And I said, I'm sorry it's important to get the 12 step lists up to date. The reason for that is not just to fill out paper. It's so that somebody with the night book can make a call and you can make a call. And the drunk can come and share our dream or if it's a cooperation with the professional community, which reaches out to doctors and union workers and clergy and professional alcoholism counselors so that through them the drunk can hear our invitation to come share our dream. Or with it through public information where we inform but don't publicize personalities but we inform the public about our work and invite the drunks that are out there to come and share our dream. And whether it's the work of the Speakers Bureau, if you're available during the day to go into the schools, to churches, community clubs, and through maybe the wife or the mother or the grandma or the child or to the drunk him or herself to say come and share our dream, that's what it's about. And I thought for a bit about what is this dream that we share And for that, I can speak personally. When I was living the nightmare, coming down to the end, it was to have some kind of peace. And I didn't care much where it came from. The most familiar place to get it was from the bottle. But that wasn't peace anymore. It was just sickness. The other place that I looked for it was from what I called the river leaf, you know, 22 in the mouth, to sweet forgetfulness, to die, to go to sleep and perchance to dream but not too likely and the other which I really didn't see as a place of sweet dreams was Alcoholics Anonymous I thought that would be my worst nightmare but by the grace of God I ended up in here you people in your ways invited me to come share your dream and then once I saw it in here, I saw people that were living the dream and things like this. My sponsor had me at one of these a couple of months in sobriety and then I began to have the dream for myself, a contented, permanent and somewhat useful sobriete and I said that's what I want. I don't want to have to drink again if I'm going to have it. If I'm not going to be able to get sober please God let me stay sober and if I am going to not drink I don' t want to be miserable My pop went that route, and I don't want to live that. But a contented and maybe even a useful sobriety. And for that today, I'm very grateful, and I'm glad that all of us have come here today to share the dream so that drunks yet to come can share the Dream. Thank you. Thank you, Stanley. And like Stanley said, there are a lot of committees at Intergroup and Share-A-Day is only one of those committees at Inter group and Share a Day itself as a committee has a lot of committees too we have 13 committees in Share-a-Day and they're all listed on the back of your program so if anybody sees one of the categories that might be interested in maybe it'd be doughnuts or literature or young people or a program come to our wrap up meeting would be the second Wednesday in May I think it's May 10th at 8 o'clock o'clock at the intergroup office and we'll find out how we did this year and we're going to have elections for Share a Day 18. And one of those committees at Share a Days is young people. And from the young people's committee, to read how it works, we have Mary R. Hi everybody, my name is Mary and I'm definitely an alcoholic. How it Works, Chapter 5 from the Big Book. How it works. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this sinful program. Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. but we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely Remember, we deal with alcohol cunning, baffling, powerful Without help it is too much for us but there is one who has all power That one is God. May you find him now. Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked his protection and care with complete abandon. Here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery. Excuse me. One, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. Two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Three, made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understood him. Four, made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Five, admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Six, we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Seven, humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. Eight, made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Nine, made direct amends to such people whenever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. Ten, continued to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Eleven, sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him. Praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. Twelve, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Many of us exclaimed, what an order, I can't go through with it. Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our description of the alcoholic and the chapter to the agnostic and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas. A, that we're alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. B, that probably no human power could relieve our alcoholism. And C, that God couldn't would if he was sought. Thank you, Mary. And on your program, you see a lot of typos. I'll take blame for those because I did the proofreading. if there's anything else about the program that you want to discuss with anybody else I'll let you talk to the program chairperson her name is Joni to read the 12th edition I can't see over the podium hi I'm Joni I'm an alcoholic the twelve traditions one our common welfare should come first personal recovery depends upon aa unity two our group purpose for our group purposes but one ultimate authority a loving god as he may express himself in our group conscience our leaders are by trusted servants they do not govern three the only requirement for aa membership is a desire to stop drinking. Four, each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole. Five, each Group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Six, an AA Group ought never endorse, finance or lend the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise. Less problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Seven, every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. Eight, Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers. Nine, AA as such ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. 10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues hence the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion we need to always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions ever reminding us to place principles before personalities And as program chair this year, I really would like to thank especially those people who came out to share their experience, strength, and hope with us by serving as moderators and speakers for all our meetings. And I was given the privilege today of introducing our guest speaker for this afternoon's program. Dick is one of those people who put his hand out to me when I came into the program when a lot of people wouldn't I was a very angry young woman and I didn't like people and I did not want people to like me I did NOT want to be there I didN'T want to BE one of you some people stayed there with me and they helped me by showing me that this program works they also taught me to give away what I have been given so freely and Dick is He's one of those people who always has his hand out, who always shares his strength, his hope and his experience. And I'd like to welcome Dick from the Freeport II Group. Dick McKay Good afternoon, friends. name is Dick McKay I'm a recovering alcoholic and a very grateful alcoholic I love the theme for this particular share a day come share our dream you've heard it said in these rooms beyond our wildest dreams someone told me when I first come into this program that in order for a dream to come true first there must be the dream and while I was out there drinking I had many many dreams and there remain just dreams and fantasies. I never followed through on anything. I know when I attended Sharaday number one it was beyond my wildest dreams that someday I'd be up here speaking to the assembly. I feel today that, you know, I've been shortchanged. I don't come from a dysfunctional family. Neither one of my parents were alcoholics, and I'm not cross-addicted. I'm just a garden-variety fall-down drunk. But that doesn't mean that I can't identify with those of you who are cross-adicted. I never knew if that meant you liked to carry crosses or duly addicted. Because when I bounced in and out of these rooms for five and a half years, the people in AA used to tell me, stop comparing, Dick. Identify. They said identify with the feelings. The feelings of remorse, guilt, fear, loneliness. These are common to almost every alcoholic to some degree. And I don't care if you're an alcoholic or you're a Dooley or you's a Crossy. Your feelings are the same as mine as a fall-down drunk. Fear, I realized in sobriety, kept me from doing many, many things. I'm really not going to talk too much about my drunk-a-lot today because I believe that AA is about recovery. Someone told me when I first came in these rooms that sobriery is not a destination, it's a journey. And what you make of that journey is up to you. It can be the most boring, tedious, horrible journey you ever want to encounter Or it can be The most exciting adventure you'll ever embark upon And I chose to make it an exciting adventure And it certainly has You know they've told you beyond your wildest dreams But keep in mind that nightmares too Are dreams There's been a few nightmares along this road but most of them have been very pleasant, pleasant dreams. I came in here after bouncing around for five and a half years in and out of the doors of AA. When I first started going to meetings I went and made my first meeting at the Old Flatbush Group in Brooklyn and I went there because my wife thought I had a problem with alcohol and I wanted to get her off my back. I moved out to Freeport about six months later stopped going to meetings and there was only one group in FreepORT at the time and I used to wear a beautiful blue three-piece suit with a gold chain across the vest there was nothing on either end of the chain but it was impressive as hell and I always arrived at nine and left at amen the people in the group would offer suggestions to me and I was one of those complete wise asses that you see come into these rooms they made a lot of suggestions to me they told me to go to beginners meetings and I told them I've been drinking for 25 years I'm no beginner they told me to get a sponsor I looked around the room and I said I told him there was really no one intelligent enough to be my sponsor you'll understand why I say that I mean Ron Pinero was a member of the group they told me to make coffee I suggested they hire a cook they suggested I clean up and I suggested they get a porter I was your typical wise ass you know I had all the answers unfortunately I didn't know what the questions were people would offer to drive me home, and I'd say, no, I love to walk. And it was true, I loved to walk However, when they asked me, we were in the middle of a blizzard or a typhoon But you see, I refused that ride because if I took that ride, I owed you one And I didn't want to owe anybody I mean, Beneficial Finance, HFC, you know, Citibank, that was okay But I didn' t want to own anybody Secondly, if you gave me a lift, you might get to know me And if you got to know me, you wouldn't like me. And of course the most important was if you drove me right up to my door, I couldn't stop at the bar and have a couple of quick ones. And so I refused all rides. I used to sit in the back of rooms at meetings and compare, not identify. And I'd hear these stories and there were great old horror stories in those days and I'd say, I never had an accident, never had a DWI. I was never hospitalized for alcoholism I had never lost a job I had ever been in a relationship I had not lost a family Ergo, I can't be an alcoholic Unfortunately, I was using Alcoholic logic For those of you who aren't familiar With alcoholic logic It's commonly referred to as bullshit And that's what I did I did that for five and a half years when I no longer bullshitted anybody not my family not employers certainly not the people in these rooms I continue bullshitting myself and the reason I say that is that I never had an automobile accident and I never got arrested with a DWI I never drove a car in my life I got tickets for drunk while walking I had never lost a job because I could smell a firing coming and because of the nature of my job in the engineering field in those days I could pick up a phone and get a new job go to the new job get more money and then I'd say well it serves them right they didn't realize what a genius they had working for them and yet looking back had I stayed in any one of those jobs I would have lost those jobs I had not I had ever lost my family due to the patience and tolerance of that family My wife was a member of Al-Anon. My children were in Alateen and Posteen. They were all doing something about the drunk in their life, and the drunk was sitting in the bar getting drunker. I had never been hospitalized due to the grace of God. In the five and a half years that I played with this program, and I say played with it, I bought every one of those jets and bought them in spades, with the exception of the driving, because I still didn't drive. I went to work for a mainline engineering company, and they told me that everyone was on 90 days probation. And at the end of 90 days, they told Me that the chief engineer wanted to see me, and I assumed they were making me a supervisor. You know the punchline, don't you? I went in to see him, and he told me I was the best designer they ever had. But unfortunately, I was a drunk, and They were going to let me go. And over the years, I was hit at many, many times. Until finally I was blackballed from the entire engineering profession, and I don't mean Manhattan and Long Island. Manhattan, Long Island, Southern Connecticut, and all of Jersey. In 1973, I made my first trip into Freeport Hospital. I went to every AA meeting, went to ever lecture, and I walked out of there, and once again, I had all the answers without knowing the questions. Six months later, I was back for my second trip. Three months later I was going to be in the U.S. I was coming back for my third trip and it still took me another 11 months before I came in and got sober and in that 11 months my wife kindly invited me to leave home. Actually, she didn't phrase it that way but if I remember correctly it was you Irish bastard get out before I get you arrested and I could take a hint So I left. I went to live at the Hotel Collingswood in New York. I won't tell you that story, it's too long and it's too raunchy. But eventually I came back to these rooms because I had no place else to go. In the meantime, the Freeport group became two groups. And so over this period of time, I used to go to Freeport 1 and they'd put up with my nonsense and then they'd suggest I go to Freepord 2 and then Freepard 2 would suggest I could back to Freepart 1 I became known as the bouncing ball of Freepot I used to still wear that three piece suit and newcomers would come up to me because they figured I was well dressed and they warned them stay away from him he's a loser and that's one of the reasons I don't like that expression, winners or losers, because I was a loser for too many years. I heard John Murphy say it one time. He said, there are no winners and there are no losers. There are only survivors. And if you didn't drink today, you're a survivor and you're winner for today. I've seen winners become losers and I've seen losers become winners. If you didn'T pick up a drink today God bless you. You are a winner. I remember that song a pocket full of miracles. Well, I want you to all look around this room because today we have a room full of miracle. Each and every one of us are a miracle. We are miracles because every morning of our lives God gives us two gifts. He gives us the breath of life and he gives us the gift of sobriety. And that's his gift to us on a daily basis. What we do with that day is our gift back to God so each day I go through in sobriety if I can go through that day without purposely hurting another individual and I don't pick up a drink it is a successful day and that is my gift back to God I always say that I'm a grateful alcoholic and one of the other reasons is as I said my children were in Alateen and my youngest daughter somewhere along the way in Alephine realized that she too was an alcoholic and a pill head and she made a promise to herself one that I didn't know about and that promise was I will never ever get sober until my father gets sober and six months after I came into the program and got sober my daughter Debbie came into The Fellowship at the age of 16 and a half next month she'll be celebrating 19 years of sobriety And I was glad and grateful that I got sober so she could keep that promise to herself. And yet I have no illusions, had I not gotten sober, she would have gotten sober. This program has done so much for me to change my life around. As I said before, fear motivated much of my drinking life. I was that egotist with the inferiority complex I wrote or started to write 33 novels none of them ever went beyond the first chapter because you see if I never finished anything I didn't have to submit it and if I didn' t submit it I couldn' t get a rejection slip I also painted since I was the age of 9 and I would never show my work. If you came to my house, you might see it hanging on the wall but I would not show it. I would always never go to a show because I was afraid you would ridicule it. You wouldn't like it. They told me in early sobriety that the only man who never fails is the man who Never Tries. And so in sobriete I've had poems published. I had a short story published. I exhibit most of the major art shows in Greenwich Village, Mystic, out here on the island and I really don't care whether you like it or not I do it because it's me and I never knew who me was the greatest gift you'll find from sobriety is finding out who the hell you are it's an exciting journey we find out that as alcoholics active we don't even scratch the surface of our potential the good things far outnumber the negative in my sobriety I have five children all five of those children have gotten married since I've been sober I've had I've never been able to go to their weddings pick up the toast and then give it to somebody else and let them get drunk I have 13 grandchildren that have a Spanish and an English speaker at their dinner dance the English speaking one got sick and they asked me to speak and so I spoke in Costa Rica and I made a new family of friends in AA in Costa Rico and I go there as often as I can only because I don't pick up the first drink I've learned to live my life on a daily basis not just the drinking but everything involved I've lost both of my parents in sobriety and when my dad passed away I was about two years sober and at that point I still made at least one meeting a day and here I was going into Brooklyn and I knew I couldn't make a meeting I had to be with my mother and I really didn't know what I was going to do without my AA and I didn't have and I don't know I really didn't have to worry because the people in AA made the long trip from Freeport from Baldwin into Brooklyn to make sure that one drunk didn't have to be alone I remember Pat McSee who's here today he was still on the force at the time and he used to come up and have them wait in the patrol car and come up and just talk to me I found out a very important lesson at that time we promise you only one thing in Alcoholics Anonymous that you don't ever have to drink again but I think there's one that's maybe unwritten and that's that you don't never have to be alone again unless you choose to be and the people in Alcoholics Anonymous at that point brought this home to me and I've never forgotten their love and their caring and their sharing to me at that time a number of years later my mom passed away and I was able to go down to Maryland she was living down there at the same time as my older brother and my older Brother had called me about four years previous to that with his drinking problem and I got him in rehab and by this time he was now sober and so two brothers sober in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous were able to lay their mother to rest and talk about the good times that we had as children because I came from a loving happy family and we had a good childhood had we both been drinking it would have been an entirely different story and these are gifts that you can't even count there is no money involved two brothers sharing the love that they had for their mother and the love that we had for our family these things you can't buy these are one of the other gifts that the higher power gives to us I was two years sober when my wife started to drink and pretty soon I was living with an active alcoholic I asked for advice people gave me advice and after about two years I told my wife that I was leaving because I didn't have to live with a drunk she asked me if I thought she was really an alcoholic and I said you'll do until another one rolls around sweetie and about a week later she committed a fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and got sober so now I was sober my wife was sober my daughter was sober and it looked like the perfect dream with the house with the white picket fence and we were I was sober ten years my wife was sober six years and she asked for a divorce after 32 years of marriage and I remember when she asked me I asked her if she'd be any happier and she told me 100% and I told her well neither one of us got sober to be miserable or unhappy do what you gotta do so she did she divorced me and this brought on a new part of the adventure being single and they changed all the rules on dating in 32 years it was like being thrown to the barracudas I also found out very quickly that young ladies didn't like driving me home from dates so I went out and bought an old heap of a car and got a permit and taught myself to drive and now I was driving So at the age of 52, I learned how to drive. There are people in this room who taught me how to drive. They still regret it to this day. I had four relationships in the last ten years. I thought I was going to get married four times, but they didn't work out. so I ended up with the broken hearts and I remember after the last one I finally decided that you know God maybe wanted me to write and paint and take care of drunks and that's about it and so I finally accepted it and I told him okay God you got it you know I heard your message and a month later I met a young lady in the program I was speaking at one of the people I sponsored's anniversary and she liked what I said and she asked me about it and two weeks later I invited her out for coffee we got engaged last Christmas we're going to be married in September believe me beyond your wildest dreams even old dogs you know I've done a lot of things in sobriety The engineering field has left this area And for about the last three years I've worked about six months in engineering And I've done all kind of wild and crazy things To make a living I've been working in construction I've sold bonsai trees The guy who didn't drive Went out and got a hack license And drove taxi cabs Today I drive a courtesy bus For a hotel and I take basically 90% of our people are airline personnel and a lot of times I wear my AA medallion a lot. A lot of time I'm talking to them and they ask me how I met my wife and I tell her I met him in AA that I'm an alcoholic in recovery and they'll go yeah, me too I'm from California I'm von Vermont I'm form New Hampshire and now I've got a whole new network of friends who fly to friendly skies and they say can I give you a call when I come in can we go to a meeting I say sure can you leave me a meeting list in my box sure I'm one of those people who aren't ashamed of admitting that I'm an alcoholic I don't go around with it tattooed on my forehead but somebody told me a long time ago that there really is no shame in being an alcoholic the shame is not doing something about it And I've done something about it. You know, I don't drink and I go to meetings. I'm still active in my group still active Sponsoring people and I love the sponsor young people. I love to young people in the program One of the sayings that was very prevalent when I got sober was stay green because green things tend to grow An easiest way for me to stay green is to stay close to the newcomers stay close with so many young people and I hear them talk and I heard them tell me their woes and their troubles and the traumas they're going through and I laugh inside you know because I went through them all and it makes me feel young it makes my it makes me feel new in the program AA isn't my social life but this is where most of my social life comes from most of the people that I associate with are in the rooms of AA. One of the greatest gifts I got in sobriety was rediscovering a higher power. I had walked away from my church ten years previous to getting sober. My church was going through change, the Catholic Church. And anything an active alcoholic doesn't like is change. When they finally turned the altar around, I took a walk. It was easy. because I was an active alcoholic I was one year sober and a man in my group convinced me to go to a Matt Talbot retreat and I went and I had another spiritual awakening and I came to terms with my religion and my God and my god today my higher power isn't the one that the nuns told me about that fearful punishing one he's a loving caring god however I remembered what the nuns had told me that I was made in the image and likeness of God and if that's true there's got to be a little alky in God what are you laughing about who else but an alky would change water into wine so my definition of my higher power my God today is he is my ultimate sponsor and I talk to him as I would my sponsor when I hurt I tell him I'm hurting when I'm confused I ask him for guidance and I thank him every day for this gift that he gives me called sobriety I come in here with a lot of guilt a lot a lot of hurts and I learn from the people in this program that this sobrietry is a gift and it's given by God and God doesn't give gifts to anybody he doesn't love and if he loves me he's forgiven me and if He forgives me who the hell am I not to forgive myself so I forgave myself for what I did when I was drinking I really wasn't probably aware of half of what I did I'm accountable for it I've made my amends to the best of my ability I say I'm a grateful alcoholic and I am and I'm truly grateful that I am an alcoholic because if I was not an alcoholic I would have never had the need to change because I realized that if I didn't change I would pick up a drink again and I didn' t want to do that and because I had a change I did and it was tough it was painful sometimes but had I not had this desire to stay sober I would have remained that same arrogant egotistical Irish bastard that I always was so God made me or allowed me to contract this disease called alcoholism so that I might change so that I might realize that there are people out there who share the pain and the dreams that I do. Why did I come in, finally come back? It wasn't physical pain. It was emotional pain. I think the best way to explain it is the first lines of the Daytop Philosophy. It says we are here because there is no refuge finally from ourselves and that's where I was. There was no refuge for myself and somewhere else in that daytime philosophy it tells us that we can become men once more not as the giant of our dreams nor the dwarf of our fears and that was me giant dreams fantasy and the dwarf of my fears fear kept me from doing any one of them there is nothing that I can do today within my physical capabilities if I put my mind to it we used to have a woman that worked in Freeport Hospital Pat L who was very responsible for my emotional and spiritual development and I remember one time at a meeting I was half drunk you know it's like being a little bit pregnant and she was leading the meeting and she said she was talking about self-esteem and I figured I'm going to get this one when it comes my turn and I said how do you know if it's self-esteem or ego and she thought about it for a minute and she says you know Dick if I say to myself gee Pat you did a great job she says that's ego but if you can say to yourself gee Pat God allowed you to do something well that's self-esteem sharing whatever you do well with the man upstairs whatever your definition of the man upstairs is recognizing that if you paint well write well dance well whatever you do well is a gift from God too God gives us many, many gifts I know I misused them back in my drinking days in sobriety I try to use them to the positive and this is a program of positives versus negatives beyond your wildest dreams find your dream and go for it nothing is outside your grasp set your mind to it invite God in as a partner and say help me with this help me make this dream come true it will come true if God wants it to things never worked out the way I planned them even in sobriety they've always worked out according to God's plan I don't always like his little surprises and when I don't I yell at him and I'm sure he's sitting up there laughing like hell my God has a tremendous sense of humor. I don't believe that God got me sober to be miserable. I believe he got me sore to be happy and to enjoy life probably for the first time. So I attack each day with as much verve as I possibly can. I try to find as much happiness in each day as I can and I try not to give that happiness away. Like the gift of sobriety, I give that away and I try to give away the happiness I know we have a lot of more meetings to go so I'm not going to talk too much longer however to any newcomer if this is your first share a day if you're just coming around the program and it seems completely impossible it isn't you don't have to give up drinking for the rest of your life you just don't drink today on a daily basis. The rest of your life could be tomorrow, so why sweat it? None of us knows when God calls us home. He gives you today. Take it and enjoy it as much as you can. I'm the guy when you come to the Freeport group that's in the kitchen telling jokes, laughing, flirting with girls. But when the meeting starts, I'm in there sitting, listening, learning one more thing about this journey of sobriety speaking about girls they tell you men with the men and women with the women and that's according to sponsorship however if you're a man in this program don't cheat yourself out of the wisdom that you can get from the women in this project that were here before you I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for a lot of the women that were in the Freeport group when I came here. And for you women, talk to some of the men. Listen to what they have to say. Don't let them feed you a line of shit, but you know. This is a sharing and caring program. Listen to what's being said. Don't always feel that you know everything. The FreepORT group used to have a sign of which I loved. it said the most important things that we learn in life are those things we learn after we know it all and that was me let me tell you in spades I'm really happy to have been asked to speak and share with you here today I close every time that I speak with something that I've been doing for a little over 19 years and it goes like this I am responsible first and foremost for my own happiness other people places and things can add or detract but my basic happiness must come from within and that's my wish for each and every one of you here today that you find that happiness within yourself and within the fellowship I want to thank you all God bless you Thank you, Dick, for coming and sharing our dream at Share Day 17.