Asking Higher Power to Divorce His Thinking from Self-Seeking Motives – Joe H.

As I said, my name is Joe. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, I'm Joe. I was told to start practicing Step 10 and 11 as soon as I started making amends. I also used what I could that I had learned from Step 10 or 11 from the very beginning. I mean, prayer was an important part of my sobriety before I got to Step 10. 10 and 11. Meditation was an important part of my sobriety before I got to step 10 and 11, and I tried to do that to the best of my ability. I sometimes have a hard time saying that because I believe I was given more than my best ability all the way through this process because my bestability got me here. I did it with the amount of power I had at the time. but to really practice step 10 and 11 I don't believe I had the awareness and I don' t believe I have the power to really do what's in here on step 10 and 11 until I got to step 10 and they told me to start practicing these two steps as soon as I started making amends it says here that there's a thought that brings us to step ten on page 84 after the promises and i think this that thought is that these will always materialize if we work for them and i once again had to resolve something within myself when i got to that question because that question brings up a part it brings up something in me that doesn't jive with my conception of God that I chose as the second step and that is do I have to work at this to earn these promises they will always materialize if we work for them that sounds like a condition like if we were if we worked at this we get this and I had to once again say to myself that does not fit in with my conception of God because that's too that's two much like my own conception you have to earn these promises if you do this and I had to once again realize that they will always materialize if I work for them and I work for them to clear away the stuff that blocks me from his love that's been there all the time not to earn anything I mean this whole deal is an absolute gift and it's not about they will also always materialized if I worked for them doing something to earn it I'm doing this work to clear away the stuff from what's been there all the time. But I think that's the thought that brought me to Step 10, that these promises will materialize if I work for them and continue to clear way the stuff that blocks me from that power that's always been there and always loved me. It's just all the garbage that I've put between me and that. And I think that's what Step 10 and 11 are all about. Can I use everything that I've learned from the first nine steps on a daily basis to continue with my life and to continue clearing away the debris? I think everything that we've done from step one to nine is encompassed in step 10 and 11. i guess my only warning that comes to mind right now from what i've learned about step 10 and 11 is that one of my greatest mistakes in the beginning was to see those two steps as one and that 10 kind of has everything that 11 has and 11 has kind of everything and i saw that it was kind of like one exercise and i really didn't start to benefit from step 10 11 until i saw that they were two separate steps for two or more separate things. Step 10 suggests that I continue to take personal inventory, which tells me if they're saying continue, I should continue to do inventory the way I did in step 4. Now for me, sometimes that's written and sometimes I use the guides that are in here at step 11 if i find something is still gnawing at my craw at the end of a week and it's been there every night i sometimes need to write about it some people take that statement literally and write daily 10-step inventory i have no problem with that i'm not that well disciplined yet to write a written 10th step every night the people i know that do that are sure very clear and they don't seem to get the accumulated garbage that I do I would like to start learning how to do that and I guess when they say continue I would write a daily inventory the same way I did at step four resentments fears everything they ask me to watch for here in this step and continue to set right any new mistakes as I go along this next statement is the one that tells me to start doing this as soon as I start to make amends. We vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. And now a very, very important statement for step 10. And I think this is the difference between trying to practice step 10 before I got to it and being able to practice step 10 when I got there having done the work in the first nine steps where it says we've entered the world of the spirit. Now for a long time I thought that just meant enough was cleared away to be able to find that quiet place within I also see that that means step 10 is meant to be taken out into my life but I don't just see the world of the spirit out there anymore either I have tried to practice from step 10 and step 11 how to go to that place within once the stuff is cleared away that blocks me from it on a daily basis and then bring that out into the world, into all my activities. I guess I hope that can go on for the rest of my life. The next statement tells me why I'm doing this step as they have probably since the fourth step or the third step. My next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear when these crop up we ask god at once to remove them this we discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help love and tolerance of others is our code i mean there's so much in that one paragraph that you could go on forever and i think that's what it says there. In the beginning, I learned the difference between asking God at once to remove those things and asking God to remove them at once. And I need to be reminded that it doesn't say when one of those things crops up that I ask God to move it at once, it says that when one those things dishonesty, selfishness, resentment or fear, when one of those things crops up i ask god at once to remove them there's a big difference there i have also learned in the last and experienced in the past last year the difference between watching and waiting thanks to the help of a lady in denver when i was having some trouble with step 10 and we talked about what I did on a daily basis when one of those things cropped up. Dishonesty, resentment, selfishness or fear and I described to her what I did and it was pretty much what it said here except for a big difference. It was like I was going through my day putting one foot in front of the other and doing what was in front OF me waiting for one of THOSE things to crop up like with some kind of a shield up IN front OF ME waiting FOR dishonesty and waiting for fear and waiting for selfishness and then when one of them would crop up I would like fight it and she reminded me of two things that we're no longer fighting anything or anyone including our own defects and that there's a difference between going through your day waiting for one of those things and going through your day watching for one of those thing she says kind of like going through an intersection when the light's green and you're continuing on through the intersection with your life you don't stop at the green light and wait for some cars to come you go through you continue on you move through the interception watching and to experience the difference between waiting and watching what made this step a lot lighter than it used to be that's really the only way i can describe it so i look at the idea of what does it mean to grow in understanding and effectiveness. I hear a lot of people describe these next three steps as maintenance steps. And I'll tell you this, I would not want to maintain what I had the first time I went through the first nine steps because it's gotten so much better. I think these next few steps are about growth and daily maintenance. Maintain means keep things the same. I mean, I want to continue growing closer toward God. I wantto grow in understandingandeffectiveness. I guess understanding for me would cover every area of my life and the understanding that I pray for the knowledge of God's will in the 11th step and effectiveness would be out here in my life with others in whatever I'm doing friends, relationships, etc., etc. So I'm asked to continue to watch not wait for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear these things will crop up I ask God at once to remove them discuss them with someone immediately make amends quickly if I have harmed anyone and I think well the truth is my experience has been that I don't always do that it seems it's very easy for me to turn to God at once and I do that pretty good and ask and ask for it to be removed but if I can move on through whatever that is that cropped up and go on with what I'm doing I don't always have to stop and discuss it with somebody immediately and the way I see if I'm going to do this if I am doing that or not is if I turn my thoughts to somebody that I can help if a resentment crops up and I ask God at once to remove it and I can't turn and I think that's the key word here in this paragraph learning the techniques involved in turning from these things when they crop up if I can't turn my thoughts to somebody that's around somebody that I can help I've also learned from this lay there's a big difference between somebody that you can help and somebody that she can help and I guess that's probably for each of us to experience I always thought that meant I had to search out somebody that I could help. What that means to me is that I can turn my thoughts to somebody that I care about. Does that mean leave work and go find a drunk that you can help? Then you're causing harm to your employer because he's got you hired to be there at work. I learn how to turn my thoughts to somebody that I know that I'm going to help. If I can't do that then I need to use the other techniques here. Discuss it with somebody. See where I'm at fault. Use the same technique from the fourth step. How have I brought this resentment on? Can I do anything about this fear? Where was I dishonest? How am I being selfish? Get clear with somebody then go to God and then I'll see that I can turn my thoughts to somebody I can help. These same people that have helped me with this step have also taught me when being new at this and i am to take certain ideas from these steps and center in on them for a certain period of time and i spent quite a period of time on this next statement that love and tolerance of others is our code to the point where i left a little mark or a little symbol somewhere so i could be reminded of that throughout the day as i went through the day along with the idea of watching for those things when they crop up and all of a sudden i had a new experience with that to where I wasn't it wasn't so heavy and it wasn' t so rigid and it was' n't like I was fighting those defects when they came up and then having to learn how to turn back to love and tolerance of others it was like I was more centered on love and tolerance of others and I noticed when I started to turn away from that rather than constantly getting sucked up in the middle of a resentment or dishonesty or fear or selfishness and having to turn back to love and tolerance It was a totally different experience. And now I think the next part is some of the greatest promises in this book, and they're very seldom mentioned, these 10-step promises, the ones that happen when we enter the world of the Spirit. On the previous tape, I described the promises as they were shared with me, how a lot of those on page 83 and the top of page 84 happened when alcohol and drugs were working. Okay? these are the promises that I never experienced because I've never lived in the world of the Spirit. We cease fighting anything or anyone even alcohol for by this time sanity will have returned. What a promise. That where alcohol is concerned sanity will return. That's the promise from the second step. That was the big bet a long time ago. Do I believe there's a power that can do that? Now they're saying that that should have happened. We'll seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recall from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us to gift without any thought or effort on our part. And I want to say, what do you mean without any thought or efforts on our parts? I've done all this work and I was reminded none of that work had to do with my attitude toward liquid. I didn't write inventory about my attitude toward liquor. I wrote inventory about resentment and fear and relationships and my work in amends. I never sat down and worked on my attitude about liquor but it happened through this process with very little thought or effort on my part about my attitude about liquor. It just comes. That's the miracle of it. We're not fighting it neither are we avoiding temptation can I go into bars the ninth step told me I should be able to if my motives are right can I come into these places where people are drying out and they're still talking about the drugs and the alcohol to someone that still has an alcoholic mind that would be really gnawing that would really bother me when I was brand new see they tell me I should not I don't have to avoid temptation you know why because I feel as though I've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. I haven't even sworn off. Instead, the greatest promise of them all, the problem has been removed. The problem has being removed. That's a miracle. And if the problem's been removed, there is no choice. Because the only time there's a choice is when there's an accident. There's a problem. In any area of my life, to the most simplest thing, every time I have to make a choice it's because there'sa problem. if the problem's been removed and I stay and I can blessed to stay in this 10 step place on a daily basis it's a daily reprieve I'm not saying I can't slip back into insanity but in this place that they're describing here there is no problem there is no choice it doesn't exist for us we are neither cocky nor are we afraid this is our experience this is how we react so long as we keep and fit spiritual condition it has been easy for me to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on my laurels if I could say one thing that I really want to see change I hope in the next few years is that I don't have to keep going back through step 1 through 9 but I've had to because of my lack of commitment and discipline with step 10 and 11 I believe there's everything I need in step 10, 11 and 12 because it's all there from step one through nine. I have not learned how to do that on a daily basis to where I don't end up with another big inventory and another list of amends back at the first step about every year and a half and I've gone through the work this time from a different place and I'm in the middle of an inventory no, it's not as long as the first one and I did go through the worked this time from a good place I usually wait till everything falls apart right up against the wall so maybe maybe it is getting a little better but I would like to believe from the people I've learned from that I don't have to continue to do that it's easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels we are headed for trouble if we do for alcohol is a subtle foe we're not cured of alcoholism when I say that there is no choice or that I am a recovered alcoholic and I've recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, that doesn't mean that I'm cured. And when I say that you can get well in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, that doesn'T mean cured. We're not cured. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities. that's another one of those statements in this step that I can take and look at for center in on for an extended period of time to have a new experience with that how can I best serve thee? thy will not mine be done these are thoughts which must go with us constantly we can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish it is proper use of the will now there's some drastic statements in these last page and a half that are pretty different from what they told me right at the beginning. Sanity will have returned. Problem will be removed. There's such a thing as proper use of the will. How can I best serve God? Thy will, not mine, be done. Proper use of it. Proper use to the will isn't serving God what I'm doing or is it my will? Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration and direction from him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions we have begun to sense the flow of his spirit into us. To some extent we have become God conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense but we must go further and that means more action. It seems like every time I got to one of these steps and there was a little bit of relief and I thought now I can stop for a little while and rest and relax they always said and now there's more action if I go back and I look in the directions in that first paragraph on page 84 I see that it sums up everything I've done continue to watch for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear That's the same thing I did in the fourth step. Ask God to remove them at once. No, ask God at once to remove that. I'm sorry. That's what I did in steps six and seven. Make amends if I've harmed anyone. That's why that's what I did in step eight and nine. And here I am shown a way to do that on a daily basis once those big chunks of stuff are done in 1 through 9. Now I get to learn how to do that on a daily basis. I get to learn how to get free, to get unblocked, to be able to continue. I think probably the first word in the 10th step, the way it's written, the written version that we mislead people with by having them think that what's up on the wall is the 10th step. Taking these steps out of this book and putting them on the Wall was a terrible thing to do because people think the directions for those steps are up on The Wall. They're in this book, and there's a whole lot more to Step 10 than what's written on The wall. But I think the first word in that 10th Step, continue, is what it's all about, continuing with my life. When I first read 10 and 11 off the wall I thought they were about continuing to do inventory continuing to make amends and prayer and meditation you see those are the directions and those are the gyrations but I've learned that 10 and 11 are about being there for my life out here in the world you know can I do that I always thought step 11 was about what went on in meditation and prayer my God what step 11 is about is what goes on after I get out of meditation and off my knees growing in understanding and effectiveness in my life then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help and there I am at step 12 10 and 11 have once again shown me what to do to see the garbage ask for it to be removed get back to God and then be out here in the world to do His will, to serve God. There's a real hunger that comes in me when I see and experience the depth of Step 10 because although it's only a page and a half there's so much there. There's so many so much and although some of the stuff they taught me about Step 10 was good when I was new I don't have the kind of power to work step 10 until I really get there through the first nine steps until I've entered the world of the spirit because there's so much there step 11 suggest prayer and meditation we shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer better men than we are using it constantly it works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. You know, how long could you spend on what's the proper gratitude? I think they begin to talk about some of that, the proper magnitude of prayer in this step. It would be easy to be vague about this matter, yet we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. Now they give me the nightly review. And I do. I try to do this nightly review every night, and I would say the greatest thing that's foremost in my mind right now is my experience with the nightly review a year or more ago and my experience with the Nightly Review in the last year because I think I've touched on what they mean by constructively reviewing your day. Because for a long time, the nightly review was very destructive and I would beat myself up for what a rotten, terrible person I was during the day. And that's not what they're asking me to do here. They're asking you to do this They're not asking me to constructively review my day. How do you do that? When we retire at night we constructively review our day. Was I resentful? Selfish? Dishonest? Or afraid? Now what are the ideas that I take into my nightly review so I can do it in a constructive manner so I'm not beating myself up in a destructive way. One that's really helped me is when I answer those questions, where was I resentful? Where was I selfish? Where wasI dishonest? Where was l afraid? In reviewing that through the day, I ask, did it work? Not, was it right or wrong? good or bad did it work does my selfishness work is being resentful work for me does being dishonest work i heard a guy say one time that if any of us in alcoholics anonymous ever get to heaven it'll be because we're backing away from hell and I also have learned a lot from a lady who talks about that reviewing these defects I don't think she really even likes to call them defects, at the end of the day is like imagining a boat on the shore and remembering that you have to have something to push off from and although I do not like my defects when they harm other people and I'm not using my defects to justify that I do NOT like to continue to cause harm but I am trying to find a way to thank God for my defects because they are what give me back to Him every night you know if I went through these steps once and all this stuff was removed and I never had any more of this stuff again that I'm asked to look for here and every defective character was removed I wouldn't be here anymore I would have gotten two or three hundred of you and led you off to Mecca somewhere and started some new movement and I would've been so holy I wouldn't have been any earthly good to new drunks I also don't want to use that to justify my defects because I don't like it when they continue to cause harm but I think part of what I'm learning to constructively review a day when there has been these things and believe me there's never been a day without one of these things I'm learning how to thank God for those things because my defects are what get me to a place where I'm once again backed up to the corner to do what I have to do to get me back to God do I owe an apology have I kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once was I kind loving toward all now if I close my eyes and I watch the direction consciously that those questions take place and how those questions take place when I ask them of myself. I have a kind of experience where those questions take place in the back of my head and I can watch the direction of each of those because I'm looking at my day and I'm asking myself those questions but I think it's the next question and I've even been taken through an exercise where we were then asked to center in out here by putting our hand out in front of us straight out in from the front of me from my chest straight out and centering in on my fingernails for the focus of the next question that I see that this next question takes place out here rather than in here looking at myself and that is, what should I have done instead? No, I'm sorry. What could I have been better? You see, part of that is looking at what I did during the day and part of it is looking at what could I had done better out here. Was I thinking of myself most of the time or was I thinking of what I could do for others? Of what I can pack into the stream of life out here? But I must be careful not to drift into worry what I should have done was it good was it right was it wrong was it bad remorse or morbid reflection for that would diminish my usefulness to others after making my review I ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken go to sleep need to stay up all night and dwell on this stuff beat myself up it's not constructive to do that is to see once again what did I do that blocked me from God and does that work for me to get back to him and ask for his forgiveness do I owe an apology what could I have done better was I thinking of others what could i have packed into life not my life for me my life so i can continue to exercise my will along the line they describe thy will not mine be done I mean there's there's another one paragraph that contains enough for somebody's life now they give me what to do in the morning on awakening well let's think about the 24 hours ahead consider our plans for the day now I always wanted to get up and do that because I thought that was first until I read before I begin, I ask God to direct my thinking especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity dishonest or self-seeking motives that can be used as a prayer God please direct my thinkings let it be free of self- pity, dishonest and self- seeking motives then I think about the 24 hours ahead and consider my plans for the day which means I should probably have some plans for the day. One of the greatest exercises my sponsor ever gave me that I didn't think was in this book but it really is was to make my plans for the day before I go to bed or after I do my nightly review. You know, the stuff you've got to do tomorrow. 10 o'clock here, 11 o' clock here, 12 o' clock here 4.30 thing, the meeting to make my plans for the day and do my nightly review and go to sleep. And to wake up in the morning, ask God to direct my thinking and then ask is there anything that separates me from doing what I'm supposed to do today? And see if there's any fear or anger or anything that blocks me from what needs to be done on my schedule today. Consider those plans. Ask for that stuff to be removed and see considering my plans I also learned that my plans can change and I can be flexible I'm not bound by that and it's not a real rigid exercise it's just another one of these 10 and 11 step exercises that helps me be more understanding and effective in my daily life so on awakening I ask God to direct my thinking especially asking me to be divorced from self-pity, dishonest and self-seeking motives I think about the 24 hours ahead and I consider my plans for the day under these conditions asking God to direct my thinking I can employ my mental faculties with assurance you mean I can really start to depend on my own mind? you told me that was what got me here so obviously there's been some kind of change here for after all God gave us brains to use our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives in thinking about my day I may face indecision I may not be able to determine which course to take here I ask God for inspiration an intuitive thought or a decision see then I think I'm supposed to work on it or think about it no it doesn't say that or try real hard to figure out what he wants me to do if I'm in indecision. No, it says relax and take it easy. It's a great time for meditation after I've done these couple simple things. Don't struggle. I'm often surprised how the right answer comes after I tried this for a while. They promised me that what used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration will gradually become a working part of the mind. But, being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that I'm going to be inspired all the time. I have paid for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we will find that our thinking, as time passes, will be more and more on the plane of inspiration. I will come to rely on it. And there's some great promises there. And a warning. I remember somebody said at this time when I was new at this, as I still am, to be careful for the messages I get from God because they might be in my own handwriting. And this is where we all start to play the game of what's God's will and what's mine. And I say game because I believe that's a futile exercise. And you get those that say, but the 11th step says we pray for knowledge of God's will and the power to carry it out. But I believe most of these exercises in 10 and 11 have centered me in on where has my will gotten me. My selfishness, my dishonesty, my self-seeking, my fear. And I think that's how we learn about God's will by learning about what God's Will isn't. I do not spend a lot of time on what is God'swill. Most of these exercise center me in on what's been my will today. And I think the more I learn about what God's will isn't, the closer I get to what God'S will is. Now, of course, there are some obvious things of what Godís will is, but I feel through the exercise and the directions and the discipline of Step 10 and 11, I get closer to what my will is seeing it on a daily basis, what GodÕs will isnÕt, and I get a little closer to the knowledge of GodÔs will. I also had a friend one time who forgot part of that and prayed for knowledge of God's will but forgot about the power to carry it out and he was overwhelmed by awareness but he didn't have any power to carrying it out and I think that's what we see a lot of people in this program doing when they get to a place where some major freedom has come they now go off into all kinds of things for new awareness and even though the book does say other books be quick to see where religious people are right I need to remember the warning that I not only need awareness and knowledge I need power we're seeing a lot nowadays people running off at this point or sooner which is even more dangerous to now I need to do this and now I know I need to do this and now I need to do this and none of those things by themselves are bad or wrong it's just that an alcoholic needs to remember that wherever he might go to do along with this the most dangerous thing is when we see people at this point go and do things instead of and we lose them but any of that stuff they might go do along with their a program is wonderful and fine they're going to get a lot of interesting awareness about themselves or whatever it is they're looking at but they need to remember they better be doing stuff at the same time that will give them power along with that awareness or one day they will just be immersed in the problem that they've been searching looking at you know mommy and daddy and all this other newfangled stuff you need to be careful i mean there's great stuff to learn in therapy there's Great stuff to Learn some of these new programs there's a great stuff too to learn an outside reading and great books and great meditation techniques but if i don't remember that i'm an alcoholic whose problem is lack of power and whatever it is i'm learning along the way i better be doing what exercises i need to do to acquire power at the same time if i'm looking back at my past or if i'M LOOKING BACK AT PROBLEMS OR OR IF I IF I'M getting too carried away with this or that even that's positive uh you know meditation can even become a self-flagellating thing of spiritual make-believe you can reach great heights in meditation and go to wonderful places and get very very intoxicated but if it's not helping you be more effective in your life for an alcoholic that's really dangerous and if you're looking at some past stuff where it was a lot of problem stuff from your past or your childhood or this or dat and you're looking at the problem you better be getting some power along with it as you're doing that because there is such a thing as spiritual greed and there is such a think as self-willing your own spiritual growth rather than letting the process take you to whatever it is you're supposed to see I guess where it says we relax and take it easy we don't struggle takes me into a morning meditation after those first few directions because at the end of that paragraph it says we usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that I be shown all through the day what my next step is to be. That I be given whatever I need to take care of such problems. I ask especially for freedom from self-will. I'm careful to make no request for myself only. I may ask for myself, however, if others will be helped. Now you can play some real games with yourself with that one. We're careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. I mean, you know, if I had a million dollars I'd be able to help a lot more people. You know, there's some real dangers in that statement. We may ask for ourselves however if others will be helped. We're careful never to pray for our own selfish end. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why. I think these are the ideas that go into what was said about that prayer works if we have the proper attitude. I think some of this stuff is beginning to tell me about a proper attitude for prayer. If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives, our friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest minister rabbi be quick to see where religious people are right make use of what they offer they're asking me to look out here in life there's wonderful stuff now it gives me some great stuff to do as I go through the day I mean the simplicity of these two steps is incredible this step has told me what to do before I go to bed what to do when I wake up what to do throughout the day as I go through the day I learn to pause one of the greatest techniques in the 11th step learning to pause when agitated or doubtful my pattern is when agitated or doubtful is to think real hard retaliate argue fight struggle or work on it here's another place where we're a lot of people, including myself, think that when you get agitated or doubtful or resentful or afraid, you've got to get in there and you've gotta work on it. You've gotta dissect it, figure it out, impose it on somebody, get to the root of, you know, all that stuff. It asked me here to not do that. It asks me to pause when agitated or doubted and ask for the right thought or action. I constantly remind myself that I'm no longer running the show. humbly saying to myself many times each day thy will be done I am in much less danger of excitement now that's an interesting idea that excitement can be dangerous but I think every alcoholic knows about that fear anger worry self-pity or foolish decisions we become much more efficient we do not tire so easily for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. It works. It really does. We alcoholics are undisciplined so we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. See, now I think I get to rest. This is not all. There is action and more action. Faith without works is dead. The next chapter is entirely devoted to step four. I guess, as I said before, I have experienced that each step takes me to the next. I did not have the power at step four to make amends to those people I was able to go to in step nine, but when I did five, six, seven, and eight, the power was there. Now, to really practice ten and eleven, I didn't have thepower until I was into step nine. When I commenced to try to start to do this, the power to follow these directions and use these disciplines has always been there there is an experience definitely to be had with step 10 but I think the miracle of step 10 is when I'm back to God again in step 11 not centered in on myself from those things they asked me to watch for and I think there is definitely valuable numerous millions innumerable experiences to be had at Step 11. But I think the miracle of Step 11 is when I get up off my knees and I'm out in the world practicing these principles, carrying the message to other people.