It Is Easier to Build Boys Than to Mend Men – John C.

Without anything further to do, I'd like you to welcome, once again, John C. from Brownwood, Texas. Thank you very much, Howard. I introduce myself once. I guess that maybe some of you have just come in, I think the most everybody else has left. My name is John Carlton and I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety dates October 28 1951 and I have maintained that period of time without the the use of any alcohol or mood-changing women or any other things that might interfere. And in my belief in a power greater than myself, that I prefer to call God as I understand them. And some effort upon my part of time, and I help folks just like you, and some of you here. Now, the usual question that's asked anybody that goes out and does any talking as when you do, do you use the same talk? Do you have a manuscript? Do you fellas say the same things everywhere you go? Now I assure you I have no manuscript but I have a reason why that I don't write anything down because sometimes you don't sound the same as when you write it. I practiced this law for 21 years, and I know where others speak in that matter. But I come from Maine originally. Now, I don't want to mislead you. I've been in Texas for 31 years, but But I still cannot get that lingo of over yonder. And I reckon so. I'm fixing to leave. Y'all come. And I was out there 15 years before they got a pair of big boots on me and a hat. And by gary, they haven't got me on a horse yet. And they're not going to. so I'm a maniac by birth and up there back there we have some of these preachers that are pretty strong come on pretty pretty strong and one of these This man was an old-timer, and he was getting ready to retire. He was preparing a young man to take over his church, and he said to him, Now Albert, your first sermon, if you have a mental block, just pick up another passage of the Bible and go right on. the congregation won't notice it go right on but there's one thing i strongly urge you to do and that is to write down the activities for your week your week that follows and he stressed it very strongly and the young man on his first sunday got along very beautifully with his sermon and he said, and now I would like to read to you the activities for the coming week. And he picked up a paper and he read that the women's club will meet on Monday and Sister Smith will sing a solo entitled Put Me in My Little Bed she'll be accompanied by her preacher. On Tuesday the Little Mothers Club will meet and any of you ladies wishing to become little mothers, meet your preacher in the study. Now Now, on Wednesday, services will be held at both ends of the church, the north end and the south end. And all of the little children will be baptized at both end. Oh, it's better on next Sunday, a special collection will be taken up to help defray the expenses on the new carpet now any of you congregation wishing to do anything on the carpet please pick up your paper at the altar now he says we will close this meeting by all rising and singing little drops of water now if one of you good sisters will stand and quietly started we will all join in well that's why that I don't have anything written out I don but you know anything that is good is subject to criticism and And criticism sometimes is the lot of AA. Churches are criticized, able men are criticized. Medicine in general is criticized. Anything that is good is criticized Galileo was nearly put to death for his views. They said the Wright brothers never would fly, that the air was reserved for birds. And even Columbus was criticized. I don't know anything about Columbus other than what I studied as a young fellow in school, kid. kid. And I don't know whether he was an alcoholic or not, but by gory he had all the traits of one. He didn't know where he was going when he left home. He didn't now where he WAS when he got there. When he got back, he didn't know where the hell he'd been and a woman paid for the whole trip. Now before I say anything this morning, I don't know what they got me up here to talk for, starting with Beverly and then the two judges there, the man and his wife, my friend Cleve, and Nell, and Otto, and then a lady that I've had the privilege of being on programs with most all every part of the country, Louise. They didn't leave too much for me to talk about. I think about the only thing left is for Jimmy and his crew to start sweeping up we all go home but I would like to make a couple of observations now that I'm here that is that anything that I may say to you this morning is simply my own opinion I don't speak for Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole nobody's qualified to do that I've heard in some parts of the country many of these guys get up behind here and you'd think they'd written a book. The only thing that I know, the only thing I can tell you is that whatever I say is what I've heard someone else say or what I read or if I've taken the time to study and then put in my own words. And I'm only qualified to talk about one thing of that, that's me. I'm not qualified to stand here this morning and be the judge jury and executioner of a single one of you folks and because that I have 31 years and a couple of my friends with 34 or 5, I know that they the same as I are fully cognizant of the fact that we are just exactly the same as those two that come up here and got that book this morning with a few days we are exactly the same as they are in this respect where simply that length of time and still like they one drink away from a drunk and I hope to God that I I never forget it either. You know, when an occasion such as this gets together, I don't think that everyone that is responsible for this meeting this morning or since Friday was all done by alcoholics. I think that there were some of these gals and guys known as Al-Anon cooperated in this thing. And anywhere that I may go, as I always say, I always pay my respects to the Al-Anaans. For nine years, I wasn't interested in them. I had no one that was interested in them either and as far as I was concerned it was alright for you gals to come and bring the coffee and sandwiches and get over there in the car and sit down and keep quiet but I became interested in you after about nine years and I've come to learn to love and to respect you you, and I think that the best way that I could possibly do what I feel like this morning as far as you're concerned is in the words of our co-founder Bill Wilson who said to you at your first meeting in New York in conjunction with your Canadian brothers and sisters when you didn't have any idea whether you would ever get off the ground because you had met with a lot of opposition from us guys. We didn't want anybody going to tear down our dollhouse, we didn't know what you were going to do to us and you didn't have much cooperation from us at the beginning. But this is what Bill Wilson said to you at that meeting he said Al-Anon is the biggest thing that has happened, in my opinion, since AA was started. And the reason for your phenomenal growth is due to your determination to fill that vast vacuum of family relationship. And family relationship is the most important, as we all realize it is the most deformed. And I like to add these words of my own. I always say blessed be the alcoholic who has a good Al-Anon mate to come home to because some of us were not that fortunate. Now by these few kind words I don't want any of you gals to think you've got me snowed because you haven't. I know that some of you have used some pretty harsh language and pretty harsh word, some pretty harsh actions too trying to get that blubber head straightened around. Well I'd like to tell you a true story it's as true as I stand behind this podium that involves two of my dear friends or one is now passed away God rest his soul in Brownwood. Lance and Chris. Lance was at Vanderbilt University a couple of years before I was. He was an outstanding athlete, I didn't know him however until I moved to Brownwood. He weighed about 220 pounds and he was built like an oak tree and little Chris was a cute little thing you know she's about the size of Marilyn sitting down here wearing about 95 pounds with a wet pea coat on, you know. And Lance got hooked on this booze and every day practically that he'd come home from work he'd in half fractured or completely so. And little Christine was getting about to the end of the line. She wasn't going to put up with it any longer. And the spat started in the kitchen, continued into the living room and she's given it to Lance in pretty good shape. And Lance decides that he's taken all of the abuse that he is going to. He decides to commit suicide. So So without saying anything to Chris, he goes in the bathroom, fills the tub with water, and turns the gas on. Little Chris gets curious, of course, and she goes to the bathroom door, wraps on the door, tries it, locks. She says, Lance, what are you doing in here? And Lance says, I'm committing suicide. I got the gas turned on. She says, well put some towels around the bottom of the door. It's making the cat sick. You know, Herbert Spencer once said there was a certain principle which is a bar to all information and proof against any argument that may leave a person in everlasting ignorance and that principle is contempt before investigation. And you're looking at one of those individuals. Now I could stand here and talk to you for a time, it's allotted to me, and talk to you as a professional athlete or a former professional athlete rather, or as trial lawyer, 21 years experience. I don't know how the hell so many of these drunken lawyers got in here that they talk about painters. I've met more drunken warriors around here than painters. Or I could talk to you some of my experiences in the United States Marine Corps in World War II, not the Spanish-American, World War II. Or I could talk to you as a present-day businessman but that's not what my what I'm here for this morning. I want you to look at me as just plain John Carlton another drunk that found a way to stay sober through the teachings and the philosophy of this fellowship. I heard one of the boys say someone one of them during the program scoffing you heard he came to stop but remain to pray I wanted no part of Alcoholics Anonymous and I wanted no pot of anybody in it either now I've heard these people say well I started drinking at the age of 10 or 12 or 15 and I got drunk from the first drink I ever took and I all this. Not me. I never took a drink of booze in my life and I never smoked tea, I never smoke anything, any type of tobacco and never drank tea or coffee until I was 26 years of age. I trained all my life. And the last five and a half years of my career was spent as a professional fighter. Some of my friends think I stayed in there a little too long as it was, but that's the way that I had to earn my education. Now you know sometimes Sometimes, when you get a degree or two behind your name, you think that you are a little superior to people. And fortunately or unfortunately, I have two degrees. So I couldn't come among folks like you. I couldn'T come among folk like you because I was too intelligent. Now I'm going, if there's any of you intellectual guerrillas sitting out there today, I want to remind you of this. I heard somebody say when they were talking about degrees that they've got a lot of more degrees on those thermometers in your hospital up here at Grants Pass than we'll ever have. and you know where they stick those thermometers sometimes. Well that's what you can do with those degrees if you think those degrees are going to help you any more than anyone who's never even been graduated from grammar school because our program is written in plain cowboys language and it's not not written for these highly scientific and intelligent men and women. They're written for the benefit of everybody. And there's 164 pages in there that tells us the way in which we never have to drink again. But if you haven't got interest enough to read it, to hell with it. I'm not going to read them to you. No, this you do yourself. Intelligence is a great asset provided that you have some humility to go with it and that partnership can never fail to be successful provided that you keep humility first. Ego was one of my greatest drawbacks. I had held many positions of trust and so my ego began to drip off me, and I finally came to the full realization of the proper definition of egotism, after I came among you people. And the best definition of Egotism is that it's the best anesthetic to help lessen the pain of stupidity. So yes, I complained that roses had thorns instead of being grateful that thorns had roses. I knew that I was drinking too much booze too often and I know what the results were going to be if I kept at it just exactly the same as you who are alcoholic knew I've heard these people say oh yes when I came in after I came into AA. Why? All of my troubles were lifted from my shoulders. That's good, good luck to you. But that wasn't in my case. Now as I say I wanted no part of you and I wanted not part of anyone in it either. And I remember as a senior member of my law firm, picking up the story of Jack Alexander that was in the Saturday Evening Post in 1941. But he wasn't talking about me. He was talking about the fellas that were sleeping down on the dock, the guys in the mission houses, the fellows in the Salvation Army spots and the fellows that were riding the freight. He wasn't talking about the senior member of a law firm, he wasn't talking about a young lawyer who had held many positions of trust including being a special assistant to the United States Attorney General in the criminal division of the Department of Justice and he wasn't talking about a former personal political representative of one of our vice presidents the last two years that he was in Washington. He was talking about those fellows that I have already mentioned and I tossed the magazine one side and I went on drinking for ten more years and I'm not proud to stand here in Grants Pass today and tell you ladies and gentlemen that I traveled for six-and-a-half years under an assumed name. Nobody knew where I was and I sought succor and maintenance from exactly those same places that Alexander wrote about in his story. I know what it is to come through a little town like Grants Pass on a stormy night and ask if I could sleep in the jail. I now what it is to seek succor and maintenance from the Salvation Army and the mission houses? You bet. And I hope to God that I never forget that either. When I came to you people, I came to you, people devoid of all faith, devoid of all the confidence and devoid of all hope. People have said to me, John you're getting old what are you, why do you keep traveling so much? Now I'm not one of these so-called circuit riders I call them reciprocity boys you know. You ask asked me, you get me over to your place and I'll get you back to mine. And they've said to me why, why at your age you keep going? You know you're getting old. Well now I just look at life like this. Living a certain number of years you don't grow old may wrinkle your skin but when you lose that enthusiasm and desert your ideals is when it starts to wrinkle yourself and you folks call it what you will I don't care but through the God of my understanding and the only way that I understand it is that by working through people such as you you have restored to me, my faith and my confidence and my hope. And so long as those wires stay intact to my heart I will never grow old as long as I continue to try to carry the message to another sick alcoholic. The foundation stone of our program is the giving of ourselves to the service of others. But if and when, and God forbid, if those wires ever come down, and they come down as between you and me, and my heart becomes covered with the snows of criticism or the ice of cynicism, then Then and only then will I grow old. And may God rest my soul. That's what you folks have given to me. So why shouldn't I come here to Grants Pass, a place that I've learned to love in three years and all the boys know how I feel? Why shouldn't I come her if I'm asked before I came up here, before I left the motel this morning. As I always do before I ever walk into any group, large or small, I ask God to give me the power to say something that might help one person here today who is suffering from the same illness that I am. An illness and the only illness on the face of this earth where the patient is blamed when the treatment fails. Oh, yeah. I was so forced to stand on the curbstone of life and watch the throng pass me by during some of the most lucrative and productive years of my career because of one thing. I refused to listen. I knew it all. Just because I sat in the Mayflower Hotel that my sweet gal Louise, excuse me dear I couldn't think of your name I've only known you 20 years. That in the Mayflower Hotel with the Secretary of War, two of the presidential advisers and two of the leading politicians in America and I'm there in the advisory capacity to five New England governors. I knew it all so So what in the world could a thing called the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous? Christ, I thought that A.A. stood for Akron Acrobat, so I don't know. And I refused to listen. And as a result of it, you know how I wound up. Now, I'm not going into any morbid details in my drinking. you've gone through, you've suffered all the morbidity. You don't need that at all. So don't expect any any morbid details of my drinking or any Howard Cosell descriptions of my Drinking Bout because we'd be here till next week if you started that. I never was so disgusted in my life I was coming back from Tucson, Arizona to Phoenix. It's about 11 o'clock at night and I've got the radio on the car and I hear someone say one of these educated nuts, well there's been a great discovery made. Well I'm all ears relative to alcoholism. We We have determined that the American Indian body chemistry is no different than that of the white man. My God almighty, I never heard of an American Indian busting up three automobiles in one day. This guy with the two degrees did. did. I never heard of an American Indian go falling out the second story window of a hotel and if it had been 30 stories they'd have said I'd committed suicide. I've never heard of an american indian writing an acceptance speech for a very prominent nationally known politician and I'm supposed to have lunch with her and to meet her in the lobby of the a hotel with a party including a governor and a couple of congressmen. I joined them from the time that I finished getting this material ready and listening to her. Alcoholic, we know what the results are going to be if we drink it. So if you know what But the answer is, to a proposition, there is no problem as far as I'm concerned. But our problem is, and every single one of us sitting here today as arrested alcoholics and everyone in this world, our problem ist how do we handle our sobriety? That's our problem. and if you found a way to stay sober I say to you don't you let anybody change it I don't care a damn who they are keep this thing simple and then you'll hear them well, oh don't go with him if you do, you'll get drunk don't you go with her, if you due you'll be drunk just like saying which is the better exhale or inhale. Oh yeah, and you'll get there. Yeah it's surprising I don't know where it where it come from. Late years these water walkers you know these Amen carnivores they're all good. I'm gonna say to you newer members I'm going to give you a little advice this morning. You can take it or leave it. Don't try to to get too good too soon because it's only six inches from my halo to a noose. Geez, I'm not running for the Senate here. Now here's something else. If you think you're coming in here and bless yourself and that's all there is to it and stay sober. No, that isn't going to do it. But on the other hand I didn't come in here to get saved. There are members of the cloth that are far more qualified to do the saving than I am or any of my pals. But I did come into this fellowship as I say devoid of the things that I mentioned hoping to God that there'd be some way way that I could change my lifestyle. That's what I come in this deal for. And when I come through the door, I don't care, I come through the doors of this group or any other group, large or small, and I'm sober, and when I leave sober, where I go, what I do, and who Who I do it with, as long as I remain within the decency of this program, that's none of your business. And by the same token, where you go and what you do and who you do it with, as long as you remain within the perimeter of the decency. Don't hurt Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole. That's none of John Carlton's business either. And he's not going going to stick his nose into it. It tells us that if you read in the big book or in the tradition, that fifth tradition is explained she'll make a stick to thy last. Let the preachers preach and the doctors treat and the educators educate but let us remain with what we do best and that is trying to carry the message to that still suffering alcoholic. That's in the fifth Fifth tradition, you look over in the sixth tradition, you'll see where it's explained that AA cannot be all things to all men and neither should we try. This isn't a crusade movement. Of course not. But if that guy or that gal come through the door of your group and they tell you that they are being bothered with alcohol And that's all I know because I'm a rum head, I'm not a junkie. And they tell you that they're having trouble with alcohol. I don't care whether they think this is a lonely hearts club, whether they think this an employment agency or whether they think that they are coming in to make a touch like I did when I came in. If he or she tells you that they've got some alcoholic trouble, I beg of you this morning right here in Grants Pass, for God's sakes, extend that hand of kindness and consideration that was extended to me about 31 1⁄2 years ago. That's one of our obligations. I hear these people say, oh, well, we don't have any obligation to AA. The hell we don' t. You know, I've often said, I always say, when I come to a place, I always think, oh gosh, I'd love to come back and see exactly the same faces that I'm looking at this morning and those that I looked at last night. I thought of it last night and this place was packed. But I know that that's too much to expect because I know that some of you might go out and get drunk and if you do you might die with your boots on so I'll say goodbye to you now. We often say, well, I believe, yes, I believe. I have never known anyone yet who has had a continuous period of sobriety trying to defy and believe at the same time. Defiance is not reliance. and if it was necessary for Jesus Christ to say by myself I am nothing my strength comes from my Father in heaven who am I, as I said earlier to stand here and be the judge, jury and executioner of you of Kostner keep God at the steering wheel and stop using him for a spare tire higher and your chances are much better to make this deal. We often say, why does a person after they've been sober four or five years go out and get drunk again? It's very simple. After they take the drink, they rebel against good living when they've already failed at bad. They prefer that. As we sit here this morning in the God-given canopy of AA, or as Bill Wilson used to like to call it, the cathedral of the spirit, I wonder, and I couldn't help but doing it as I was watching the crowds the last couple of days, thinking what a magnificent thing that this is. You gals who stood by your guy when those clouds were gathering and when that terrible storm broke, you still stayed. And you gals and guys who have gotten together in AA and toss that sadness behind you. And you now sit in the sunshine of this fellowship. Yeah, I couldn't help but think of it. You know my Well, my dad was a contractor when I was a little fella. And as a matter of fact, if any of you folks have ever, you know, you're acquainted in Detroit, my dad and the Murphy brothers, Will and Sam Murphy, built the Penobscot Towers there and it's named for the county where Dad and the Murray boys came from in Maine. And I can remember Dad as he would talk about architects and specifications and laborers and foundations for his building. And a few 24 hours ago, I decided to build myself an imaginary AA building. and for my building I've got the greatest architect that's humanly possible to obtain and my God as I understand him the specifications for my buildings are the twelve steps and the twelve traditions of a deal called Alcoholics Anonymous I have no labor troubles I've get you folks hundreds and hundreds of thousands of you I can use more sand and water and less cement if I want to in that foundation I can used plastic instead of the good old fashioned two by fours but I don't want that I want my foundation to be strong enough and my building rugged enough to withstand one of those twisters or tornadoes that might come whistling against that building of mine in the form of one drink. There's one thing that I do hope and pray for that I will never think that my building is tall enough to put a roof on it. Now you know it's easy to come here and enjoy ourselves and I wish we could keep this thing going for another week, but we can't. AA is out there this is the tip of the iceberg in here and there are dangerous ladies and gentlemen that hang over our fellowship Louise and I although some of us have traveled in most all sections of America and Canada. And I'm going to tell you that, and I know that they would agree with me, they're better remote than they are. There are dangers that hang over our beautiful fellowship. One is placing personalities ahead of AA principles and And the other danger is complacency. Speaking of placing principles ahead of personalities, ahead of A.A. principles, I was talking someplace, I don't know where, I say when you get to be 60 years old you spend most of your time looking for a bathroom and trying to think of people's names. But I was somewhere. They invited me there to talk, not to speak. That's another thing, these speakers. I don't buy the speaking business. I was invited there to talk and this lady come waltzing up, very, very fine lady, just before the things started. She She said, John, I hope tonight you will mention something about placing personalities ahead of A.A. principles. We're having trouble with it here. Now, I learned at an early stage of my legal career that when you have a lady for a witness, it's a pretty good idea to get her on and off that witness stand as gracefully and as quickly as possible because you never know what the hell they might say, you know. So I'm giving a yes ma'am and no ma' am and I'm bowing and just about that time this gorgeous thing come down the side and they're some friends are keeping a couple of chair for her over here. And she comes down beautifully attired and as she came by she looked up and smiled, I smiled and bowed and as she kept going and I give her another look. It had a beautiful set of wheels on it, I'll never forget that. And evidently the old gal noticed me and she said, John, do you know her? I said, no, I don't, but she's a very fine appearing young lady, isn't she? She says, He says, John, her problem isn't alcohol. Her problem is sex. Well, I said, I wish to hell that was my problem sometimes. And the other danger, the other dangerous complacency. Now, I'm not talking about the guys that stood up there today, age stood in here with a 34 or 35 and 31 32 or 4 whatever years no I'm not talking about the guys with 15 20 years no, I'm NOT talking about the guys was 10 years now but I'm talking about these guys and I know where of I speak because it's happened to me I'm talking about these guys with a 10, 15, 20, 25 years that when you know them at one time they couldn't buy a roll of colored toilet paper but now they've got the wrinkles out of their belly. They got the wife and their families back. They've got the mortgage paid off and their business is going good. And you meet them on the the street and you say to them and you say to them ah that's all that's alright sit down go ahead sit down over there that's alright that's alright and you and you say to them and you say to them listen and Joe or Frank or Ed or Tom look we've got some new ones down at the place and we need some help down there you haven't been around for four or five years why don't you come down and give us a hand and here's the shot they'll give you usually well you know John my gory right I'm pretty busy now you know my and sometimes I have to mow the lawn and nice and by the way Helen gave me a new recliner for my birthday and you know it's just at that time that smoke stack what the hell is that gun smoke comes on and you know you know I I appreciate everything today he's done for me now don't don't think I haven't and I'm very grateful for it look if you need anything down there drop a couple of bucks in the and as he's walking away way again he repeats, well I'm grateful. I want you to know that. I appreciate everything that AA has done for me. Well is that so? If their idea of gratitude and their idea of gratefulness is turning their backs on the guys and gals that they've left behind them and the guys or gals still out there in the street, to hell with them. I don't care if they never come back I won't miss them you know sometimes and I'm going to circle the field now and come in you can be a sober blabbermouth just as easily as you can a drunken one you know but you know sometimes we feel important, you know. Oh yeah! I got a call and an invitation to come to Scotland and to England last December and I'm going to tell you all of a sudden that ego came, oh ho! And just as quickly as it came up it went right out because I thought of those days that I told you about. But we do have a tendency sometimes to feel they're fairly important in this deal. Well sometimes when you're feeling important and sometimes when your ego's in bloom and sometimes, when you take it for granted that you are the most important one in this room, and sometimes ,when you think by your going we'll leave an an unfillable hole, just follow these simple instructions and see how it humbles your soul. Take a pail and fill it with water. Put the hand in it up to the wrist. Pull it out and the hole that it leaves there is just a measure of how much you'll be missed. Now Now you can splash all around at the entrance and stir up the water galore, but just wait for a minute and it'll look quite the same as before. Now the reason or the moral for this quaint story is to do the best that you can. be proud of yourself but remember there's no indispensable man how true that is I would rather see a sermon than hear one any day and I'd rather that you walk with me than merely tell the way because the eye is quicker and it's more willing than the ear and at your example it makes it mighty clear. Now the best of preachers are the men who live their creeds, for seeing good put in action is what everybody needs. Now I can do it if you'll show me how it's done, for I can watch your hands in action but your tongue too fast might run. Now, the lectures that you deliver undoubtedly Undoubtedly wise and true, but the lesson that I want to learn is by always watching you. For I might not understand that high advice you give, but there's no misunderstanding the way you act and live. You know, God acts in many mysterious ways. And I don't say this, I don t say this in any note of sadness. I say this to point out to anybody here today that may still have some doubt of the spirituality of the program. I'll mention this and I'll sit down. you know when I was a great guy to get even I was always going to get even until one of you folks said to me it happened to be one of my sponsors I have two they said Johnny we've been hearing you mention you're always going to get evil and you remember who hurt you up there in New England and you're going to get even This fellow said, did you ever stop to think if you want to get even, get even with somebody that's been good to you. That took care of me in a hurry. Remember when we point our finger at somebody there's always three pointing back at us. Always remember. remember. You know, I was married and I married the daughter of the vice president of the principal power company in New England beautiful mother and a beautiful wife knew nothing about alcohol knew nothing about alcoholism she could drink it and go on about her business and on the thirteenth day of October when I had just come back from off the road that I was telling you about. I stood in the very same courtroom where I had tried many and many a major case, where I once stood with respectability and with dignity, as Louise always speaks about. I stood on the very same courtroom with my neck open needing a shave and I'm shaking because not from fear that I didn't want to drink a wine that morning. I'd long been relegated from the country club and the bourbon set and I'm shaking and I asked an acquaintance of mine if he would try or ask the court if he would entertain the idea of me having custody of my little boy who was about a year or two old then and he looked at me and he said now he is neither mentally nor physically capable of having custody of his son 30 minutes to say anything of 30 days that was on the 13th day of October and so I walked again I came into a a on the 28th day of October as I told you true alcoholic fashion you know weight left it's all over for 15 years and don't you let me hear any of you guys that think that you're tough try to say that you don't have to be a baby to cry because this ex-fighter for power five and a half years experience is ex Marine. Many a night I walked and I cried. I wanted to go home, but I couldn't. The sky was the two degrees, Vanderbilt University, Boston University School of Law and two years in a Harvard Graduate School. I was on the coaching staff there and I intended to be a coach instead of a lawyer. I wanted to be at first because I believed then as I believe now it's much easier to build boys than it is to mend men. That's why I love to see these young people in here. I got sober, and I'm sober three years, and I would go home to visit, and I began to get some breaks in the law, in the oil business. Don't get many now, though, but did then and I go home every year every other year anyway to visit Polly and Johnny and the 15th year that I'd go home we're walking toward the ocean we had our own home in Augusta and a summer home in Belfast you know it's an odd seeing when something happens you know that community property law I don't know why but that community Property Law he leaves the community and she gets the property but that's not it. But anyway we're down at the college and we're walking toward the ocean and for the first time in 15 years she put her arm around my back and I immediately put mine around hers. We walked a few steps and we stopped and she said John would you promise me something and I said of course certainly what is it she said if anything should happen to me will you take care of Johnny well I said why sure of course I didn't know Polly was dying The next day I came back to Brownwood, and a couple of days later the phone rang, and it was Johnny, he was a magnificent swimmer, missed the Olympic team that went to Mexico City by a scantless margin. He was a senior in high school, and he taught swimming back there in Maine. a phone rang and I answered it and who's Johnny I said how come what what's going on he said well I'm getting ready to go to college dad you know I said yeah we talked about it if you made up your mind where you're going he had a number of scholarships he said no not yet he said I'd like to come out near you to the man who hadn't been a father for 15 years. The next day I'm on that jet and I'm going back again, a hell of a lot different style. I'd go back and forth then when I come out in that panel truck sitting on an orange crate for a seat. I went back and we drove back together and I watched Johnny graduate. I was very proud of him. he's very successful now in the insurance business in Arlington, Texas through nothing that I ever did he gives me a hell of a lot more credit than what I really deserve and I know it but he his second year that he was in college he went back to Maine and we're drilling in Holbrook, Arizona and I want to point out to you how God acts in many mysterious ways. That's why that I'm such a believer in prayer today. Now we were, had our trailer parked between Twin Buttes on account of the weather and we could hardly reach Holbrook 14 miles away on the mobile phone. This particular day my partner said well let's go in it's about 2 o'clock in the afternoon never left a lease in my life in 26 years at that time of day always stayed a little dark or maybe later and I said alright and we go into into the trailer we go in and just before I said well why not leave the horn on maybe that thing will come in out there and we laugh you know I'm not in that trailer two or three minutes and the horn began to honk and I went out and answered it and I tell you today as this is as true as I stand behind this podium it was my son Johnny 3200 miles away in Belfast, Maine I could hear him as clearly as you can hear me now bear in mind we had trouble getting 14 miles here is 3,200 miles and it's clearly as I'm talking to you he said dad mother passed away this noon would you please come home and it was you folks, you folks members of Alcoholics Anonymous who made it possible for me to return to my native city in my native state and stand beside Beside my son, at the graveside of his mother, once more a useful and a decent person. My God, why shouldn't I come among you? And you still continue to help me. I'm a great believer in prayer. prayer. And I've heard many, many prayers. But the prayer that is so apropos to me was given to me by a full-blooded little Navajo fellow up on the Indian Reservation in Arizona. His name was Tommy Dwyer. And we're talking about spirituality of the program and Tommy He said, you may not believe this, John, but many of our braves are highly spiritual. And he said, my grandfather handed us a prayer and you might be able to use it in AA. This was in 1956. In 1856, it appeared in the grapevine years later over someone else's name. And I met this individual and asked if he wrote it. And Chief Judge said no, he never even heard of it. But it was so apropos to me. I don't know about you, but it was such a great thing. It was so appropo to me, I asked Tommy if I could have it. And he said, sure, of course. And I wrote it down. And it goes like so. Oh, great spirit, I hear your voice in the winds that breathes life into all the world. Hear me. I'm small and I'm weak. I need your strength and your wisdom that you have hidden under every leaf and stone. Let me always walk with beauty and my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset. Make me wise so I will know what you have told my people and make my hands always respect the things that you have made and my ears sharp so I shall always hear your voice. O Great Spirit, I seek this strength and this wisdom not to be greater than my brother but to fight my greatest enemy, myself And when my days are ending as the shadows leave the sunrise may my spirit stand straight before your eyes without shame game. And I know that when Dr. Bob and Bill and Ebi Satcher and the rest of the gang, they look down upon us today from their Valhalla, and I know they're there. If we could hear Dr. Rob and Bill, they'd be saying to Jack Johnson and Jimmy Johnson and all the rest who's had anything to do with this grand get-together. We would hear them say to those folks and to you folks who have attended this thing, good work. Keep going. Don't get discouraged. keep trying to carry the message to that still-suffering alcoholic. You know, I said briefly the other day, God must have been feeling very good when he made this part of the country and put folks like you in it and in closing may I say thank you for the invitation to come here and thank God for the creation of those two beloved men Dr. Bob and Bill and that little fella who went to Bill on that November night in 1934 Ebby Thatcher thank you and God bless every single one of you let's all join in Lord's prayer prayer. Thank you, John. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Amen. Thank you.