The Singleness of Purpose in a Closed Meeting – Tom I.

Hi, folks. Tom Ivester, an alcoholic, member of the Primary Purpose Group of A.A. in Southern Pines, North Carolina. There is a pine bluff, as it says on the program, but I've never lived there, so I had to go check it out. My sobriety date is Groundhog Day of 57. I'll tell you, that's a lot longer than I ever meant to stay sober. I'll just continue to be amazed at that. I swear to God, this has been just a wonderful kind of a thing. I was so proud of my buddies that I could just bust. And solid stuff, good across the board. And I swear, I feel like a buzzard at an Eagles convention after listening to those guys. That's been something else. They've still got Sandy and Sharon. So shoot, man, we're just rolling. I'm the change of pace guy. You want to get somebody from the deep south to do the change in pace? At a minimum, I'll slow it down. And with any luck, I'll dumb it down a little bit. And the other thing I like to do is sort of pick up on some stuff that my buddies were talking about in terms of real action in the program. And so those two things of unity and principles of I don't know if we've ever talked about the principles of service, but what the heck, why not? principles of everything that we do. I could just talk about traditions and concepts, and we'd be talking about the principles of service and principles of unity, but I'm not too much for just sort of haranguing about those things. I'm an experienced guy. I really like to base everything in experience as much as I possibly can. I haven't experienced everything, but I'm working on it and not too much left. So I'd like to talk about this whole issue of unity in the program. And I'll visit the tradition just to make the point there's some of them that very specifically address unity. They all do. The traditions are about unity, about how to use principles in our relationships no matter what they are. And I'll tell you, I found as much utility in the traditions as I have in the steps, and I've used them as much in my life as any other part of the program in every aspect of it. I used it in my professional life more than I ever used anything I learned in college. They've been wonderful principles to make organizations work where you're trying to get people to work together. And so I'm a great believer in tradition. I do like the idea of experience though, and I'll visit these things and just share some experience that I think builds unity. That's kind of an important thing for me in terms of both unity and service because borrowing Farrowing from what the guys were talking about in the steps, I'll just visit it this much and just say that I was a guy just like every other human being that was a product of my environment. And sometimes environments have positive results, sometimes they have negative. But everybody's influenced by their environment, of course, and I was. It's interesting to me that I grew up in the same home with my sister. her. Everything about it was the same except the result. She responded very well to the experiences of our lives and did well. Poor soul has never been in jail in her life. Something wrong with a red-blooded American who's never been to jail. Held a job for a disgustingly long period. My God. I mean, she's just a pure loser in terms of life and fun. Still lives in the same place that I grew up and hated from day one. Only time I get homesick is when I go home. And I get out of there real quick because she grew up just great Amazing thing. But instead of responding and developing in keeping with my experiences, I reacted to them and internalized a lot of things that went on in our lives. And just one example, and I won't biz this too long, but my father deserted the family when I was four years old. And that was a no-brainer. or I know the day he left, I remember, hazy to be sure, but I remember that wherever he was going, I knew he wasn't coming back. And if you had asked me about that any time during my formative years or early adult years or early years in AA, I would have just blown it off and said no big deal. If you'd asked me About My Dad, I'd have said there ain't none. But I would submit to you that when a father leaves a four-year-old child, that is not without damage. and there's some real things that occur with that. You know, a lot of things like guilt, fear, insecurity, anger, dishonesty, an awful lot of thing ensue from that to sort of make up for the absence and I could go on with a whole litany of things that form but that's just one significant thing and so those things were extremely important to me because in response to them, what I developed was some coping devices that we call character defects. I developed some very handy kinds of techniques of dealing with life that became ingrained in me as a way of life. I became an inveterate liar. I didn't have to make up lies. I just spontaneously would spit out one on any occasion. And I put it in the past tense, but I tell you, that's still my basic reflex When I get into a tight situation, if somebody asks me a sudden question, I have never blurted out the truth in my life. It's not in me. I have to sort of work up to it and rehearse it. Lying is just second nature. It's like breathing. And so that's why there's defects of character. Well, and just a whole bunch of others. But why are those important? They have a great deal to do with getting to a point of feeling unity with a group of people. You know, I grew up as a very isolated, very private, very stand-back type of guy. I wouldn't mix it up with people. I would if I had the right mix of stuff in me. But by nature, I was not that way. So when I came into AA, I wasn't a natural joiner. And so there were a lot of things about the program that were extremely important not only in the steps but in the traditions to help me get in so that I could be one of the players and be on the team. And so those are traditions that I value a great deal. The steps are fairly obvious in terms of starting to cut through and to get some of those things addressed, as my buddy talked about so well today with Clint with the A's and I's step, the very powerful healing forces in that. But then traditions are very important. And I'd just like to point out a couple of them. The first one, you know, I think the first tradition, just like the first step, is the fundamental grounding of all of the program. Everything else builds out of that, all of things of recovery build out of the ashes of defeat and surrender that's embodied in the first step. And the first addition is the same function that the recognition that our common welfare is paramount. No offense to the group in L.A., but it's important, fundamentally important. Michael told me to say that, and no, he didn't. But it's fundamental, you know, that welfare is very, very important. Now, when I'm doing traditions, I like to personalize it. And I find out that the traditions are far easier for me to understand if I look at them from a personal perspective. The more, the bigger the issue to which I try to apply traditions, the more difficult it is to comprehend. But I can break it down, and I break it done in just sort of a real simple, down-to-earth kind of way. My welfare comes first. it really does I had an old buddy that used to travel the sawdust trail and doing a lot of talking and I know that what he said was a rhetorical thing and he didn't really mean it like he said I don't think not sure but he would say to the group if one of us you the group or me the speaker has to drink again I hope it's me instead of you. And every time that guy said that, I thought, what is he smoking? I mean, come on, man. That's nice, and I know that's in keeping with Brother's Keeper, but you ain't going to find me saying that. Now, I know none of us ever have to drink again, but if any of us do, I want to be the last dude standing. Now, that's just the cold-blooded facts of it. My welfare comes first. And so what does that mean in terms of unity? I recognize that my group, my home group, is where I stake my life. I count on that group to be my ship in a stormy sea. And therefore, I take care of that group like a mother does a child. I take charge of that. that group. I pay attention to that group because my welfare depends on that group, and what it breeds is a great deal of unity in terms of getting along. I'll give you a couple examples of things that I thought since I'm a high-bottom drunk I'd bring Perrier to drink tonight. See how many I can fool with that. A couple A couple examples of that, that kind of get at common welfare. What some of you know, thanks to comments from some of my L.A. delegation, that I had some experience in the Grey Rock Hotel. And when I was finally drummed out of there, I went back to North Carolina not at my behest but at theirs. And I left the state of Michigan and went back North Carolina and went to what was to be my home group. And I swear to God, it was the worst meeting I'd ever been to in my life, ever. If we'd have had a meeting that bad in jail, somebody would have got hurt. It just didn't happen. And that plain thing just pure sucked. And I thought, my God, what is this? You know, and I lived 20 miles from the big city of Charlotte. And I though, man, I'm getting out of here. I didn't want to come back to Mayberry anyway. Anyway, and so then I thought a disturbing thought occurred to me. I'm the second oldest member in that town. Now this was a long time ago, and AA was not exactly rocking and rolling there. And the only guy older than me was an old man, no offense to any of my dear friends, but that dude was over the hill. I'm pretty bad But he was a wonderful old guy He was I just loved him dearly And he loved me dearly And He was a fine man He was the treasurer of the group And had been for seven years And I'll guarantee you He was good He was always a good treasuer The biggest thing He would have done To violate trust Would have been To slip money in Not take it out And So he was He was a loyal guy. And so we got looking around, and we started trying to make some motions to get a group started there instead of just a gaggle of drunks. And so started working on it. And it doesn't take too much, you know. Just as soon as you show a little spark of leadership, if you're making sense, people will follow you. And so folks started to pay attention a little bit, started forming a group. and after a couple of months, now keep in mind the old man I'm talking about. This is the guy that took me to my first meeting the first day I had stepped into North Carolina. This is a man that tookme to every meeting I attended because I had no driver's license. This was a manthat loved me as much as his son. But what I'm going to talk to you about is common welfare. So we started to form the group and we had probably the first election in the history of that gaggle And it was a little more somber than the average AA election, but it had pretty much the same kind of ingredients that nominate somebody. Yeah, okay, close the nomination. So it sailed smoothly through chairman, secretary, and then it came to treasurer. Now, the air was full of awareness of the tension for what we had to deal with, and it was obvious we needed to make a change in his treasury. Nobody in that group could have hurt the old man more than me with a nomination other than him. But that was the quietest AA meeting I have ever seen in my entire life when we called for nominations of treasurer. I don't even think people were breathing. Well, I'm sitting there and there come times, and if they haven't with you, they will. There come times when you have to see what you're made out of. When you say that you're committed to the common welfare and you mean that, you'll get a chance to prove it. And that's exactly what happened that night. I'm sitting there praying that somebody will nominate somebody. Well, somebody did, but it was me. And I nominated and it passed and we went on. I wish I could tell you that the old man got over it. He never did. It hurt him. It took away part of his identity, but what he'd done over the years was he'd gotten possessive of the job. That's what happens when you don't rotate and when you have one person in the job forever. And so he got protective, and he got to a point where somebody would buy a package of cookies and say, well, Mr. Mack, those cookies cost $2. And he would say something like, boy, those puppies are sure getting expensive. Well, folks are sensitive, you know. So it was a loaded thing. And so when that thing happened, it just crushed that old boy. He didn't quit. He didn' t get drunk. But he was never the same. But what happened, and it wasn' t just him, but it was the thing of starting to operate with some principles to get unity where people are pulling together to get something done. When I left that town two years later, there were 60 members in that group. And so unity and getting things out in the open so that alcoholics are pulling together, sometimes it calls for tough stuff, but in the long run, the common welfare has to come first. Our recovery depends on a unity. There was one other one that I just wanted to mention. I jotted them down, and it's dark in here. By the way, there's a green light in here somewhere. Every time speakers got up today, you remember the incredible hunk? I'd see this ripple of green go across people's faces, And I can just see that big money. I bet my jacket even looks green. Just one second here while I get this in focus, and I can tell you what the other one was. Well, shoot, let me just skip over a minute, and I'll come back. In fact, common welfare. What am I talking about? Welfare. Well, anyway, let me move to a couple others that need to remind me. I want to mention this. Oh, I do. Yeah, I did. One that's kind of intimately personal. I know that spiritual giants don't get aggravated with stuff, but I'm not one, so I do, and so a while back. Now, I'm a strong home group guy. I'm no longer a spiritual giant. I'm now a maybe. today. I was out of town at one time, and I missed a business meeting. And I know that none of those pilgrims in my group would do this, but they made a motion to do something that they knew I would disagree with vehemently. And so when I came back and was greeted with But the information, the spiritual giant was hot. I mean, I was flat hot. And what's that got to do with common welfare? Had I wanted to do it, I could have gone in there and had some kind of a duck fit with the folk and probably, I don't know if we could have gotten it turned around or not, but had I done that, I would have done a great deal of harm because I was too mad to be sensible. I was two mad to rational because the decision that was made took away a fundamental part of what makes that group have a well-rounded program, and so that decision was made. So I'm too hot to say anything, so I never said a word to a soul. So I'm thinking, that's dangerous, but I'm thinking and what I'm doing is trying to evaluate what is it that I'm mad about. Am I really concerned because of some principle that threatens the integrity of that group or am I just angry because somebody dared to do something that I wouldn't like while I was out of town? Well, I have a kind of point of view about business meetings, if I'm not there, whatever they vote for, I voted for it because I voted with my absence. And so I just sat quiet and I thought it through and absolutely satisfied myself that I was concerned about the principle and the integrity of the group and not just my feelings and my anger. The first business meeting came up about a month later and I was too mad to say anything. thing. I was still mad. And that's not the way to solve problems if you're interested in common welfare. I bit my tongue. God knows, that was hard. Waited another month. And then the time came. Sitting in the business meeting and there came a little place for new business and I just simply said, guys, we made a decision a couple of months ago to fix something that that I don't think was broken. And I'm not going to make a motion, I'd just like to request that we reinstate that portion of the program effective tonight. Amazing thing about the sense of a group and the response of a groupe. One guy asked one little question and then overwhelmingly voted. Well, see, common welfare means more than me just imposing my will. And coming at people full force, it means to pay attention to what folks are doing and make them part of the decision-making and not just subservient to my will. And so common welfare comes out in an awful lot of kind of ways. In the whole business of leadership, you know, that whole thing is tied into the kind of stuff I'm talking about right here. One other one that I'll mention that has to do with unity is the third one that has a great deal to do with unity. I don't know about you, but I'll tell you what was going through my mind right before I got up here tonight. Wouldn't it be something if we could get to a point this weekend where every person in this room committed to go back to wherever you operate in AA and do something to make a difference in something you're concerned about wouldn't that be a wonderful thing wouldn't it be a powerful kind of a resource and I'm going to invite you to one that you're part of whether you want to be or not and it has to do with third tradition the third tradition simply says that well the short form is a little oversimplified It says the only crime is to desire to stop drinking. Long form says problem with alcoholism. So it's not wide open crapshoot on just anybody who's ever had a drink. It's for folks with a drinking problem. It's single-use of purpose. And if there's anything that, and I know most of my buddies here travel around the country a great deal and probably run the same thing as I do. I rarely get out of the airport that that subject doesn't come up. Man, we've got a lot of trouble here with that. We've got whole sections of this country that have just given up any pretense of singleness of purpose. Make no pretense out of it. Well, that troubles me. That troubles me a great deal. I've got great friends who are drug addicts, but they're not members of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was sitting at a – I sponsor a prison, and that's probably one of my strongest commitments. And so I was just sitting there one night, and now a sponsor is not a visitor. A sponsor is a guide. And so it's more than just sort of sitting back and watching what happens. So I'm sitting there watching. And there was time – it was time for election of a chair. and so they opened it up and they nominated a guy named Mike who's a nice man but he's a drug addict he's not an alcoholic he's just kind of dropped his head because he is a nice man and he just didn't have the thing to say no I'm not going to do it and it wasn't well defined and so I spoke up and I said whoa whoa hold on guys You can't nominate Mike Mike's not an alcoholic He's a drug addict And he's not a member of the group For God's sake You can do that And so they just said okay fine And then got somebody else They got to the end of the meeting And the chair Before he closed the meeting Said Tom A lot of guys are troubled about The kind of thing you addressed When we were doing the nominations And really don't understand Would you elaborate a little bit it on what you're saying. And you know how it is sometimes when you get put on the spot and you've got to respond quickly, you have to resort to the truth because I don't have time to make up any nice thing. And without fail, when I reach in to what I come out with is what I truly believe. And so I just responded almost automatically and I said, I never said said this before. I had never said it. I said, are you guys familiar with how AA started? And most everybody was nodding. And I said all right, do you remember what happened when the physician who was still drunk was visited by an out of luck stockbroker and the stockbrokers shared with him about his alcoholism and his recovery. And when he got through, the physician said, finally somebody understands. Well, I think something momentous happened that day. You may or may not. But I think Something Momentous Happened That Day in that the basic tenet of Alcoholics Anonymous was formed. And that basic tenet is that when one alcoholic talks to another alcoholic and shares about his life, it gains the trust and confidence like nothing the world has ever seen. And that principle was the fulcrum upon which Alcoholics Anonymous was formed. Now I think what you and I have to look at, and I hope you will, that somewhere along the line we have got to deal with this rampant kind of ignoring of singleness of purpose. That tenet is right or it's wrong. And I think it's important for everybody in this room to think it through and form your own opinion about what you believe. And if you believe that, Ken, it is right, that that is basic principle of Alcoholics Anonymous, then you and I who have found recovery here have an absolute responsibility to be sure that the next person who comes in that door finds what we found. I think it's a basic responsibility. Now, that's just one guy's opinion. opinion. But thank you very much, love. Thank you. I was about to say thank you for that ovate, but I appreciate that. But I do think the whole fellowship is going to have to do a sort of a global group conscience about this thing and come to a reckoning that that's either an important principle or it isn't. If that principle is not true, it doesn't matter. It couldn't matter less. I'm one who believes it's true. And so, important for unity. Very important for unity. I think it's very important when I say that I'm taking somebody to a closed meeting that they can count on it being a closed meeting. That it's a group of alcoholics in whom they can invest some trust and if we don't provide that environment we are abandoning an omission of trust that's been given to us and so I think it's an awfully important thing in terms of unity you know, so that we've got who we say we are. In the real world they call that integrity. We're who we stay we are I just mentioned a couple more and then well probably more than that but I'll mention a couplemore just anyway way, but not too many. Fourth one is one that's kind of important to me about unity. And, you know, unity is each group is autonomous, should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other groups or as a whole. Well, that's good. Let me break it down a little bit. Each member is is autonomous. Practice AA any way you wish, provided it doesn't interfere with other members or the fellowship as a whole. I have the right to practice Alcoholics Anonymous any way I wish and so do you, as long as I don't interfere somebody else's opportunity to do it. I think I think it's a real responsibility goes with that in terms of how I conduct myself in Alcoholics Anonymous. Now, I'm a pretty straight-up guy. You know, I am a pretty clean guy. No, I m not pretty clean. I m very clean. I m a very clean guy because I have no clue who is sitting here tonight. Somebody might have brought their mother to a meeting. This is open, I believe. Somebody might've brought their mothers here. Somebody might have a child that's within earshot. I would never use this podium as a place to humiliate or embarrass somebody who had ventured into our environment. I'll give you an example of that, one of many that I can give. I was out in your state, Scott. It wasn't close to where you live, but in Tennessee. seat. And I was speaking at a little conference, and the fellow who spoke Saturday night thought he was supposed to be a stand-up comedian. And he wasn't funny. I mean, the guy was not funny. And poor soul was, you know how it is when you're going down the tube, you paddle harder. You know, oh, geez, got to come out. And so the more he went down the cube, the The harder he tried, and then the more gross and the more vulgar and the more obscene that he got trying to pull it out. Finally, after about an hour and a half, he gave up. And I was sitting right behind the lady who was the program chair. She's the one who invited all the speakers. And I'm kind of watching her squirm. And she had a guy sitting beside her that I assumed was her husband. And he was an interesting man. His neck looked like a thermometer, but you could just see the red going up. And I tell you, that old boy's ears were glowing and I said, I don't think he likes that much. And so after it, the guy finally gave up, thank God. So he finally gave up and I was milling around and I saw the gal that was the program chair. And And I said, I don't believe your buddy enjoyed the meeting too much tonight. And she said, my God, Tom, you'll never know how humiliated I am. I've never been more embarrassed in my life. That was not her husband. That was her minister at his first meeting of AA to find out if this would be a good place to send lost souls. I'll guarantee you it was his last meeting of AA And he wouldn't have sent anybody to AA He would have sent somebody to hell before he had sent them to AA See what I'm talking about? Autonomy doesn't give me that kind of license Autonomy gives me responsibility That I don't have the right to impose my values or lack thereof on other people I've got a responsibility responsibility. Darrell may get run out of Vegas if I come in here and make a fool out of myself tonight. Don't come to North Carolina. You're too quick for us. But that's, to me, is an important thing for unity. And dealing with those things that, I'll give one other just a quick example on that thing, but sometimes it's very sensitive kind of stuff that we had a guy come in our group. I didn't really know what Tourette's was, Tourettes syndrome. I'd heard of it, but I'd never seen it really up close and personal. We had a guys come in out group, and he had a pretty bad case, I guess, because during the meeting he would sit where Sandy is right in front of the podium. And what he did was uncontrollable. I watched him when he would do it, And that guy was in anguish trying to keep from doing what he had to do. And so he would let out these anguished yowls, you know, and sometimes we'd forget to tell the speaker. And it's a little disconcerting when somebody goes into one of those things right in the middle. Well, what do you do? I mean, you go throw the guy out of AA because he's got a sensitive situation. situation. And so we did a little group conscience on that. You know, some things call for more than just a huddle. They call for a group conscience and that's prayerful consideration of an issue that jeopardizes our primary purpose. Andso we did that and decided it was a real problem and that what we decided to do was to get him to sit unobtrusively in another part of the room and I think we could have pulled it off. And they asked me and another fellow to be naturally, since we We were the ones who brought it up, that me and another fellow to be the ones to talk with him. And I don't know if God's just generous or what. He sure is with me. But the guy moved next week, and we never had to say anything. But see, sometimes those things, now, we would have done it, but we'd have done het as lovingly as we were capable of doing. And so sometimes if you're interested in unity, It's more than just getting together and singing Kumbaya. You know, sometimes you've got to deal with the issues that trouble us. And you either deal with them or you ignore them. They're either important or they're not. And so a whole bunch. And then the fifth one, then I'm going to quit on that. No, I'll do one more after that. Fifth one is really the place that's the rallying point of all of our colleagues. Every group has but one primary purpose, including this group. including the international convention, including every time we meet. It only has one primary purpose, and that's to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. We may do it in a variety of different ways, but that's the purpose every time мы встречаем, is to carry that message in some way or shape or form. And it's the great rallying point. I personally have never seen a fight over the primary purpose. Never seen that. I've seen it over money, power, position, you name it, but never over primary purpose. That's the point where we come together without any question. I'm going to share one little thing that a buddy here in the group tonight shared, we shared together. No, I'm not even going to go there. I'm only going to skip that. It takes too long to tell it. Now, I've got a lot of other stuff I want to tell you. but anyway i think you get the point that you know when it comes to unity those traditions are such powerful powerful instruments for giving the guidance and direction for dealing with really naughty problems and uh enormously enormously helpful and just like i said i've used i you not only have i do i use those things in every aspect of my life and uh i'll give you one what I will give one other example just about there to bring it into a little more generic thing in life. A couple of years ago, two or three years ago something like that, far enough back that I can't remember. I was fed up with what we did at Christmas. I mean I didn't mind eating turkey and candy and old fruitcake and stuff. I mean, I could put up with that. But I didn' t like what we d i d. In my home, we made a sort of a spending orgy out of Christmas. And we would just burden everybody down with dumb gifts that nobody wanted. I thought they did, but I didn't. And so I just didn't like it. One day, and our families used to talk in tradition. We do that every once in a while. And so, I said, let's have a little talk. Only four of us, you know, two kids and two old folks. And so we sat down in a hotel room somewhere and started talking. Would you believe that out of four people in a family, all four despised what we were doing? Despised it. But we were caught up in that. And what we'd done was letting that financial thing become the driving force as a replacement for love. and we're trying to bribe each other into some sort of feeling of love. And everybody hated it. I thought my wife was the primary cheerleader. She despised it. And so we made a group conscience decision that we wouldn't do that anymore. And what we did, put a $50 limit on gifts. Any gift could be over 50 bucks, and now we adopt a family. And that's in the spirit of Christmas, and what a difference that makes, eh? And so what we were doing, we were caught up in things like the sixth tradition where money, property, and prestige divert us from our spiritual aim. That's not just about buildings. That's about the relationships with people and about my relationship with stuff. And so unity is built into everything in that thing. And so there's just a whole bunch in this whole business of unity. But let me get into the, well, I guess I need permission. I'm going to do it anyway. I'll get into service stuff. I heard it loud and clear in all of the presenters last night and today. Sometimes I have the disturbing feeling that we get so caught up in our romancing of the steps that it's almost like a tender trap where we get so caught-up in working on ourselves that we make a life's work of it rather rather than moving that into real movement into life and so that this program starts to happen. I'll tell you what my basic belief is, doesn't make it right but it's mine, is I believe, and it may be selective reading but I believe it anyway, that as we go through the steps there comes a place and everybody's hit at it a little bit And it's the first time I've heard it dealt with so across the board with this notion that the cadence of the march has to change a little bit if we follow the dictates of the program. And my belief is this, that you can size it up a lot of different ways. I think the first three steps are basically what my buddy Clancy said. and it's basically a foundation for springing a program of recovery. It's a good, solid foundation. I know many people who have done no more than that and died sober. The good thing about AA is that there is no passing point where if you don't get that, you fail. Here, you stop at whatever you're willing to settle for. I know people who've done no steps who died soberer. I knew a guy in Raleigh whose claim to fame was that he'd never read the big book. He would bring newcomers, and instead of saying, here's the coffee pot, he'd say, you know, I never have read that book. And he looked like he'd ever read the book. I don't know if he drove anybody off or not, but he's free to do that. There is no pass-fail thing here that shows up if we fail. Well, but there's no real thing that says you've got to go. The first three are basically a foundation. The next four, which the guys dealt with so well today, with four through seven, basically deal with causes and conditions. Those things that disable me in my function in life, those things that give me that mind that will turn irresistibly to the thought of a drink, that thing that makes me restless, irritable, and discontent, And I think it's caught up in those causes and conditions that come in the inventory and then that huge decision stuff of six and seven when we start to do something about it. Then in eight and nine, it's still basically a selfish action. We do amends primarily to get off our side of the street, but it does start to get us in relationship with folks to whom we've done damage in a lot of it. So it does starts to move us in the direction. And then I think there's a very clear point of demarcation that comes right after the promises. And when you get through the promises, and there are astounding things to say that will start to happen before you're halfway through. And then once you get though that, it's really interesting to me what happens when we move into step ten. And if you were here last year, you know that that's one that I have a little fervor about, so I won't go at it full barrel. I don't think. No, I won't. But I think there's an important thing that happens in Step 10. And if you read it off the wall, if you just read it on the wall that it would continue to take personal inventory and we wrongfully admit it. Well, that's pretty clearly inventory. But if you look at it in the text in the book, it goes beyond that. Certainly it deals with that, but there are a couple of things in there that give me great pause in terms of seeing the transition that I think is sort of a product of 10, 11, and 12. It's a strange thing when we deal with a self-centered condition by intense focus on ourselves. That seems to be a contradiction in terms. and so that's what we do at this point it's intensity focus on ourselves and then in 10 everything from 10 forward has a focus on others everything and so you know what it says is of course we continue to take personal image of course we continue to take out the things that we goof up on what we're restored to is human we don't transcend life we just get restored to being human beings and like any other we're going to have good days bad days We're going to goof up. But the real spirit of the book, to me, is that we don't go into Freudian analysis just because we goof. I mean, that's just life. And we don'T need to do some extensive inventory unless we're really bogged down in something. It says so many words that I can't see that when we goof and when we let these sort of defects get out of whack, In fact, we deal with it at once. We discuss it with somebody. We take care of business. We apologize. We do whatever we need to do. And then what? And then we immediately turn our attention to someone we can help. And so the whole tempo starts to change from this excruciating examination of myself and a course of action to deal with as occurred forth. This is about real quick hitting, quick hitting. Take care of business and move on with life. And so it starts with a little term in there that has come to mean a great deal to me. Where the heck is my watch? Oh, here it is. Somebody turned it over. There's a little line in there that has really impacted my thinking. that it says what we've entered the world of the spirit now. When we get through it, we've entering the world of the world and spirit. Our function now is to grow in understanding and effectiveness, to grow in understanding and effectiveness. I don't think that means more focused inventory. I think it means in understanding the things around me where I do my work so that I can do it better give example that I for a long time I like many people have been trouble with the revolving door of Alcoholics Anonymous I swear to God it looked to me like for a while that we were having more people come in the door than ever and even more going out I mean and it looked like just a musical chairs thing of coming in and out. And that troubles me, that when people come in here and get exposed, that they're not able to grab enough to get hold. And I'm worried about that, still do. But I got thinking, what on earth can I do about that? I started looking for stuff to do. Now, I've done stuff taking people through the steps about ever since I've been in AA. I've doing it Marine Corps style, do it in three months, do whatever way you think. think I've done it. They all work. There's nothing that won't work for somebody, nor is there anything that'll work for everybody. But it'll all do something. But I never had found anything that really felt like I could put my teeth in. And then I stumbled into something where a guy was doing some work taking folk through the book and intensive work in the book. And we were somewhere at a conference and he was telling me about it. And I'm a pretty visual person. I said, show me me what you're talking about. And we grabbed a few folks and sat them down in a hall in some chairs, and he said, here's what we do. And he opened up the book and said, started reading, and then he said how do you identify or relate with that? Now those were good questions, not what do you think or what's your opinion or, you know, how do you identify or relate? And the minute he said it, I saw what he was getting at. You know, and so that That made sense. I'd never seen anything like that done, but I thought, my God, it's not rocket science. All you're doing is reading a book and keeping two things in mind. So I got a bunch of stout-hearted alcoholics that were hungry for something and did the first one that I've ever done. And a strange thing happened. And what I'm talking about is understanding and effective. It's not enough for me to demonize the person that comes to the door and say, well, he wasn't sincere. He didn't mean it. You know, he's fresh meat when he comes in that door. It's my job to grab that sucker if I can get him. And so that's what I want to do. I want them to understand how to do that more effectively. I had one come in a group of wives. Well, he made an attempt to come in, and I just happened to see him. I don't know if he knew me or not, but I saw him come in the door, so I made a beeline for him. I headed for that boy. He's mine. And so I'm going, here's a bad-looking drunk. And the guy bolted out the door. Well, I wasn't going to let him get away, so I went out after him. And I swear to God it looked like the Keystone Cops. Yeah, and I'm out here chasing this fool. Well, one fool was chasing another fool around the bushes and all that, and he got away. That sucker got away, and then I got him later. You know, but I mean, I think there's something if he shows himself in here, that dude's ready for something whether he knows it or not. So I don't like to just demonize folks. I want to be sure instead of wasting time demonizing or analyzing that person, I wantと be sure that I and anything that I can have any influence on gives that guy the best possible shot at recovery. And so that's what I did. I grabbed onto that thing. I took 15 people through the book. It took forever. God, that's a laborious process. And an amazing thing happened. When we got through, I'll tell you one miraculous thing. The first night, I didn't know who was coming. I didn' t care. I didn''t scream to anybody. Just 15 stout-hearted souls. Got a few people I sponsored and said, bring anybody you want to. And somebody brought in a gal that I swear I just didn' T like. I mean, I flat didn' Te like her. She was a really, really arrogant, intellectual, atheist gal. And I thought, oh, my God. When she came in that door, I said, man, I'm going to be fighting for the next year with this gal. And I thought, oh, boy, debating society. But, I mean, what are you going to do? It was an open door. She came in. So she sat down. And for the first little while, she did about what I expected. You know, she would have a little quip about everything, you know. But I started watching. I love doing that kind of stuff in a group. If I had the luxury of time, I would not do it individually. I would do it in a group because the group gives an extra dimension of strength and the group becomes a resource. And I started to watch, you know, people will sort of find their element when they get in a group. They look around who you're sitting with. And so she came in and she sat down between two other aggravated cases. And so I'm watching them while they're going and doing their thing. And a funny thing happened. As we went along, I started to notice a bit of mellowing. And I thought, isn't this something? So we got up to the third step prayer, and it wasn't any matter of chance. I planned it that way. I planned this so we would end that night on the third-step prayer. And I said, all right, we're going to close out tonight and do the third‑step prayer, and I'll give you three options. You can either join hands with us and we'll do it, or you can hold our hands while we do it or you could step back and watch us do it. I won't tell you exactly what she told me she said to herself but it was not nice. A Boston grad could do better than that but she said, well anyway she just said something ugly about stuff and she stayed in the circle did the third step prayer And it was an absolute turnip. Well, it wasn't a burning bush, but it was a huge breakthrough. And that gal turned into the finest female member in my part of the state. She became my backup person. If I had to be away, she was my backup. Powerful, powerful thing. And that convinced me that when people are intensely involved in this program of recovery, there is barely room for relapse. There's barely room for failure. It's when we get loosey-goosey with it that trouble comes. And so here it is, and I'm not a magic bullet guy, but of the people who have gone through the workshop, going through the book, doing the steps, not one single person has drunk. And that's going on for a long time. So it's not a Magic Bullet, But it just proves that if you can get intensely involved in this thing, there are things to do. And that's why I say I hope that you leave here tonight or tomorrow, leave here with some passion to do something to make a difference because there are all kinds of ways to be of service, and that's just one of them. But there's a rich, rich load of work to be done in our group settings. In service, my God, there's a natural product that comes a little further on that step. It says, somebody mentioned this thing, and it reiterates it several times in the book. Of course we're working on ourselves, but our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and those about us. And that's our function. And as we do that, what we learn is this strange, enigmatic truth that we get most out of this thing when we're doing our best to give it away. And we learn that truth that you cannot give away more than you get and how true that is. And that whole world of service opens up. And I think everything from 10 on is about service, that whole thing of getting equipped to deal effectively with reaching out and starting to be an instrument in this battle for recovery for alcoholics, a powerful kind of thing. And there's just a huge amount of stuff that we can do. I'll give you just a couple of things that maybe stimulate a little bit of thinking so that if you do go home and you've got some real desire to do something, and some stuff you can do. There was a, I was sitting, Bob reminded me of this. I was back when I was still working. I'm unemployed now, but when I Was still working for a living, I was in a meeting one day in a community, and I had done a little presentation in this little conference. It wasn't an AA thing, but there were some AA friends in there that I knew. They were in there. And so I'd finished it, and the last panel right behind me was a mental health type of deal. And the last fellow who spoke was a psychiatrist from one of the institutions there in a local area. And I swear to God, that guy went to the mic, and that was the most tired-looking, discouraged man I think I've ever seen. I mean, he just kind of drug up to the podium. He started telling with wonderful undertones what he did. And so he got through it. He said, my worst thing to deal with is alcoholics who have a second diagnosis. He said I know logically, I know that AA is the place to send them. He said but for the life of me I don't understand. It seems that when I send them they come back worse than when they went. And he said, I need help. Now, this is a sincere man. This guy was not clowning. This was one deadly, earnest professional, and he said I need help. Well, he didn't know who was in the audience, but I did, and I knew there were some A guys in there from that community, and I'm from the other end of the state. And so I'm saying somebody say something. Nobody did. It was kind of like voting for that treasurer. Somebody, that man wanted some help. And so I waited as long as I was willing to, and then I said, I stood up and I said I'm sorry to be coming back at you, I just got through. But I understand what you're talking about. And I said I wish I could tell you that everything that flies the AA flag was the same thing, that you could count on consistent quality. But that's just not right. Everything that flies the flag is not the same thing. There are meetings that I go to if I'm out of ignorance, but there are meetings I go to and when I come out, I'm worse than when I went in. There are meeting that I come at and I feel like I need a meeting or a bath or something. And so I said you've got to understand that. And I said, I know you won't help, but what I would suggest is not for you to make a big study of AA so you can do an assessment of where to send people and where not. I said just get to know two or three people that you trust. And then when you've got somebody that's borderline schizoid or paranoid or scared to death or just barely hanging on, naturally there are meetings you don't want to send them. So call one of those people and tell them what you've got and let them tell you where they can go safely. And see, that's just a very responsible thing. We call that CPC. Now, CPC is not making speeches at people. It's trying to form cooperative relationships. So here's a concerned professional trying to do something, And what he's talking to is totally unresponsive people in a community. And so I would just hang that out. If you know people who are dealing with alcoholics and they're frustrated or unsure about how to go, for God's sakes, go tell them how to do it. They don't teach that in medical school. My son's a physician. He learned more in three or four AA meetings than he did in all of his medical training. They don'T teach it there. They don't teach it in social work school or the ministry or nursing. You get a little bit of just flickers of stuff. But if you think that's a valid problem, do something about it in your community. Talk to some professionals and ask them. That's something that can readily be done about. And so there are just enormous, enormous opportunities to be of service. If you're sensitive to it, you know, the book spells it out very well. You know, if you're concerned about this stuff, get acquainted with some people, a doc, a minister, and so forth. Get acquainted with them. Take the initiative. I'll tell you what, in my view, what happened with us, and I won't be quitting yet, but I'm going to head toward it. I'll tells you what I think happened is that's had a huge impact on our fellowship. you. Now, I predated treatment and detox and all that kind of stuff. So it was an emerging entity during my recovery. And I'll tell you one thing to start with. Everything I'm concerned about in Alcoholics Anonymous happened on my watch. There is nothing that I inherited. Everything that I'm concerned about was on my watch. And for that reason, I feel some responsibility to try to deal with it the best I know how. And they call it service. And I think what happened was when treatment came in, I go back far enough that I remember a time when 12-step work was a lonely vigil. And God knows how many 12-step calls I've made and given booze. I carried it with me all the time because I was doing 12-stepped calls all the time, and that was the closest we had to medical. There was no place in the county that you could take an alcoholic without them calling the police or something. We had one doc in the entire county that would see a drunk, but you literally had to take him to the back door. and then he would come out to the kitchen and shoot him in the rump, and that was the sum total of what was available, and that Was hard to come by. And so I remember those days, and I'll guarantee you when treatment started to emerge and I saw dignified treatment of alcoholics in proper settings, God knows I was thrilled. I was absolutely thrilled that, man, Man, I tell you, it's a whole lot better to welcome them off of a van cleaned up and smelling good than have them throwing up on you at 3 o'clock in the morning. By the way, I'll tell you one of the finest ways I ever kicked off a CPC project. One night I had a 12-step call, and this guy was one of those guys who was oneof the first high rollers I really had, and he was high rolling with everybody but his wife. And he called me to get away from her. I knew that. But I always made it a practice, which drugs still do, not as much as back then, but I would mess with them and wouldn't buy them a drink until I was convinced I couldn't help them. And then if I was convincing I couldn'T help them, I'd spot them a drank. And so I got to that point with this guy. God knows I beat him with every tool known to man, and then finally I just gave up. And I said, Where's your favorite bootlegger? And he told me, the only one I had never been to. I don't know how I missed that thing, but it was a really bad place. Looked like an opium den in Calcutta or somewhere. And so I took him in there, and that guy got him a bottle of stuff that had never seen a tax seal or anything else, and sold it to him. And of all times, all at once, police cars came from everywhere. And they'd come around there and surrounded this place. Well, I'm standing over there against the wall like a young Ivy League lawyer, you know, and obviously was a little out of place there. I wouldn't have been a few years ago. But he came in there and started dragging drunks, and this one cop kept looking at me, and finally he couldn't stand it anymore, and he came over and he said, what are you doing here? I said, you wouldn't believe it. He said, try me. So I told him what I was doing. And I tell you, man, this CPC thing works. He gave me the drunk, he gave me the liquor and it was as illegal as you can get and from then on he gave me hell. Every time they'd get a wild crazy drunk in there tearing up the jail I know who to call that CPC were rolling in that town and oh God wonderful days but I remember those days and so God I was thankful to see finally some dignity for this condition. And so I was a great fan of it. And what happened, I think, the way it looked to me was that as treatment emerged, I don't think we did a good job of relating to its emergence. What I sensed going on in the fellowship was that, say, alcoholics were coming through this door. Well, when treatment emerged they started coming through this door, but we didn't like that. So we kept watching that door. And when they didn't come in that door, we'd say, look at that, they're stealing our stuff. They're doing stuff for money that we do for nothing. And you started getting all kinds of little attitudes about that. And you started getting some kind of brittle relationships in AA. You started getting some defensive kinds of attitudes. There were and are groups that will not allow a treatment facility to bring their patients to a meeting. We're in awe. That's a far cry from what I was greeted with when I came, and you probably were too, that to say to the new person, I need you more than you need me. When I get to a point where I'm sitting back like I'm doing a favor to reach out to somebody, I'm way off that spiritual base of what this is about. And so I think that's what started to happen. And so we just pretty much shut down as treatment just got – I never thought I'd live to see this day when treatment became available in this country almost on demand anywhere in the country. Never thought I would see that. It was in the platform of a presidential campaign one time, deal with problems with alcohol and drugs. I never though I'd see that." And so what happened was that the success came and that had an enormous impact on AA. And a lot of our vital outreach things where we'd go get them no matter what time, to go get him no matter What conditions, those things started to wane. So that now, unfortunately, there are huge segments of our fellowship, if you say CPC, have not a clue what you're talking about. not a clue, or P.I., or why you would do it. You know, that's our loss. That's not somebody else's loss. And so what I'm talking about is I think those things need to be revived because treatment didn't replace us. They do something different in us, and it is in decline. There probably will come a day, I don't know if it will be in my lifetime, but there probably will comes a time when we'll, I don' t know if we'll ever go back to those old days, but we start moving in that direction. And so I think it is a very clear and cogent kind of a need that we have here for that kind of stuff. And I hope you'll take a look at it. I hope You'll take A Look At, and I have to hurry now because he didn't give me much time. Take a look At, one of the things that's happened in keeping with the formalizing of interventions and all that has been what I call a capturing ethic. And it is a real ethic in this country of capturing folk under any, name a profession and it's got a capturing body in its professional ranks. Pilots, doctors, teachers, name it, drunk drivers, on and on. We've got more capturing things going on. And they are interesting kinds of things. I'll just say it this way, and then maybe if you want to pursue it some, you can think about it. A lot of these things have overdeveloped primarily because of our absence. What am I talking about? Docs – well, take lawyers. I'm doing some work with lawyers in North Carolina right now. You know, what they've done in the legal profession, they've got some what I call drunk lawyer programs. But they just sort of capture folk and they put them through treatment and all kind of mandated stuff and mandate them cradle to grave almost. And it creates an interesting dilemma. What they do is take, in areas where it's available, they take sober lawyers and then they recruit them to be sponsor monitor. monitor, I would submit to you that those are mutually exclusive terms. They have no compatibility whatsoever. And so what they've done is very legitimate about getting people, getting them into treatment, getting them help, that kind of thing. But what they're done is extended that so that it starts to become intrusive in the recovery process. And they do that out of necessity because we're not there. And so they overextend. It creates a really problem. I spoke to the convention of lawyers in North Carolina a while back, and they invited me to stay and listen, and I was intrigued with listening to what they were doing in their workshop. What I saw was a group of lawyers who were in this kind of thing who were as bewildered and confused as humans can get, trying to figure out how do I find the right ground to operate on and they're in an untenable position. So we're trying to put together a thing now. I met with the director. I just happened to run into him at a luncheon. I met the director of this thing, and he asked me what I'm doing since I was unemployed. And I told him, well, I find some stuff to keep me busy. And I said, I've got one thing I'm interested in that you might be interested in. I told them about my interest in drunk lawyers. And I says, do you get calls from people who are kind of lost in the process and don't know what to do? He said, my God, Tom, that's my day. That's all I do is answer the phone with people who are lost. And he said, what do you got in mind? I said, well, not much. I like to keep it simple. I'd like to get a table and put a bunch of you guys on one side and some of us guys on the other side, and let's talk about how we can cooperate. Cooperate means work together. They may join each other. We cooperate. And they capture them, do whatever we want to with them, and then have our tender mercies come in there. So that's what I'd love to do. The only thing that's holding us back right now, they're willing. They are raring to go. What holds us back is when you look at the stability of the fellowship and what that psychiatrist was talking about, when you start getting into an agreement like this with a profession across the state, you've got to have a resource base to respond to it. That's a challenge. That is a huge challenge, but that's what we're working on right now. So there's just enormous kinds of ways to get involved. And some of that sounds complicated, but it's really not. We did a simple thing, and I won't elaborate on it, but if you want to know something about it, let me know. We did little thing that we – I was bugged with the court paper stuff. I was talking with some guys here about it. And so we just took it on one time, see if we could eliminate that in our little jurisdiction, and we did. We came up with a plan. We met with the people, told them it was a problem. It didn't work. We reached an agreement. We have no paper whatsoever. We have a better solution. So people will work with us. We've just got to take the initiative and reach out to them. I think one I'll close up on is you never know what's going to happen. If you've got a heart to serve and you're willing to serve, you're going to be busy. I guarantee you that if you give it your best shot. And I got a call a while back from the General Service office. And the guy, I knew him, and he said, Tom, we've got a situation I think you might be able to help with. And I said, well, it will for candidates. What is it? And he said we've Got this guy down in Kenya on the continent of Africa. We've Got This Guy Down in Kenya Who's Interested in Trying to Get Something Going in the Prisms in Kenya. And he said he wrote to us, and we sent him some material. I tell you, if you're in the service structure, you'll know how important this is. He did exactly what a staff member ought to do. That's what we employ those folks for. That's why we send them material. That's that's what they contribute money to do they contacted him. He answered the call. He sent material that we bought out of our collections, sent material to this guy. And then he said, I'll put you in touch with somebody. And he was saying about folks he knew had an interest in penal stuff. So he called me, and he said, would you be willing to talk with this guy? I said, well, I don't speak Swahili or whatever they've got down there, but I'd be glad to talk if he could speak Southern. And he said – oh, he's got great English. And so he put me in touch. And, you know, thank God, two conferences ago we talked about sponsorship, self-support, and service in a changing world. I don't know what we did with that of any moment, but it was a great agenda item because it is a changing world where you've got stuff that's capabilities and they're both friend and enemy. If it weren't for the technological world, I would have been at a real loss how to deal with a fellow in Kenya. But it so happened this guy had far better English than me, and so we started to communicate. And so I've got the wonderful, thrilling opportunity to work with a guy to get a foothold in a nation that has nothing in that whole area. What a wonderful opportunity. And it doesn't require any momentous work, you know. He's a wonderful guy, very brilliant guy. And I've Got to Check His History. But he's a – I said, tell me about your system. He said, well, write me some questions and it will be easier for me. He would email back and forth. And so no strange number, I wrote 12 questions. And he responded, none of the usual stuff, you know, just how many bridges you've got, who runs them, where are they, do you have any money, you've Got support, do you Have a resource base, you Got people calling, is there transportation? Well, those answers didn't surprise me much. The family expenditure per day is less than a dollar in Kenya for everything, for everything. So the answer to transportation is that few people got cars can't afford gasoline or tires. And so interesting challenge. And so I told him about, I said, you need to do a little bit of work with the officials of the institution, find out if they're interested in it, and do some informational stuff with them. And he said, okay. He just misunderstood just a little bit what I was talking about. He sent me a picture. Thank God for technology. He sentme a beautiful color picture of 600 African prisoners squatted on the ground. And my guy was standing up on a platform doing a presentation to these 600 guys. And he says, well, Tom, I've got them. Now what do I do with them? That's a great question And so what he done Is just herded up folks and started blasting at them So anyway I mean it's just logical stuff You know, just sort of separate sheep from goats See if you got anybody to do a group And just go at it That is simple stuff But what a great opportunity Of just getting out of that little isolated tunnel Of me and just going my little route Yeah, but to be open And, my God, the opportunities that come are unbelievable. The rewards that come Are just absolutely unfathomable And there's no limit to them There's absolutely no limit And that's why I hope very much That we've had a good weekend here And we've been able to do this And we're going to have some good step work And I hope that you'll put this together This is a good crowd When I said I'm meeting with a bunch of eagles I wasn't just talking about the speakers My God, it's like a family reunion for me. I know 80% of this crowd, and I know who's here, and there are some real eagles in this crowd. And I hope that you'll use this weekend as a time to come back and just kind of reflect on who you are. Reflect on what you've got going for you. Reflect upon what's been given. And then look at things that you're concerned about. Make a difference with it. Make a different. And you don't have to invent a brave new world. I'll tell you the last thing I'll hit on. At a minimum, you could do this. I say it succinctly. I think of all the things that I have concerns about in AA, and I have a number of them. I don't think to earth the sky is falling, but I think we've got some really troubling kinds of trends that are going on. That seamless purpose is only one. I think the other thing that's probably my greatest concern is the unbelievable proliferation of just little old simplistic one legacy, if that, little gatherings that really have no connection to AA. It's just a gathering of alcoholics who come together and meet usually at a time of convenience. But they'll come together to meet, and the sum total of the value of the meeting is what happens in the hour. Nothing precedes it, nothing follows it. And they may be relatively harmless, I don't know. But they sort of romance the notion that the solution to this problem is make meetings. Well, making meetings is an activity. It's not a program. It's an activity and so those things kind of lull us into some complacency complacency that produces troubling stuff, like the stuff that we bought to send to that guy in Kenya. I say we, I'm talking about us. To send to the guy in Kenia, 42 percent of the registered groups in the United States paid for that. Fifty-eight percent are not even spectators. So you're talking about troubling kinds of things. So what I'd say is if you don't have, in easy striking distance of you, a group that has all three legacies in place and firing, for God's sake, start one. Start one because that home group truly is the heartbeat of AA. It truly is The Fundamental Place. And without it, we're almost a ship adrift. And so I think that's the biggest concern I've got, and it's one that would be immediately available. If you don't have that kind of a quality group that's really got a service ethic in it, I hope you'll pay attention to that thing and go for it. Well, this probably hadn't been the most amusing Saturday night talk you've ever heard, but that wasn't my mission. That was not my mission yet. What I want to be here is just share with some people who are thoughtful enough to spend a weekend in trying to get a better hold on that recovery. What I'm challenging you to do is take that recovery and then use that thing to be of maximum service that God knows about us. Read that declaration of responsibility. I'm responsible, not us, not we.