War Stories and Identification – Big Book Workshop – Montgomery, AL – Part 1 of 8 – Chris R.

Howdy. Can y'all hear me okay? Everybody in there? All them speaking, I don't know what I can tell you. I won't have a voice tomorrow if I've got to scream too loud. Everybody back in? My name is Chris Raymer, very grateful recovered alcoholic. I'm delighted to be here. Thank you guys for coming back after Myers beat you up. There you go. He's my brother. I've got to tell you guys, it's so good to be in the South. I mean, we can talk about shooting people and squirrel turds and get laughs. You just can't do that in part of the country. That's just the way it is. So anyway, we're delighted to being able to do this. I'm going to reiterate some stuff that Myers said, and hopefully we cannot cover too much of the same area. But, gosh, I would so enjoy doing these kind of deals because it's exactly the same reason that Myers says. A lot of times you go in and you do an hour talk and you never get a chance to visit. You know, what did you hear me say? You know this, that, and the other. And it's like I'm sitting there thinking while Myers is talking, and a lot of time over the years, I got sober November 13th, 1987. I ended up speaking from podium soon after, and it's just like been nonstop ever since. And I get a chance to do a bunch of this, and I'm honored to do it. I'm going to try to slow this down in the next couple of years. But getting a chance zu do these workshop-type deals where we can slow down a little bit, we can talk about this, and we can visit at the breaks, and all day tomorrow we can spend and answer some questions. We're going to do Q&As tomorrow after each one of these steps we're talking about. So if you guys have some questions, but it's just so much nicer than just doing a talk and then leaving. I want you all to understand exactly what Meyer said and exactly what I'm going to say. We're not up here just bashing AA and trying to be controversial. This is not. The only thing that we can do is try to share our experience, and I'd like to really make sure you all understand that. In the morning when we get to talking about first-step stuff, I'm gonna reiterate because there'll be some people that weren't here tonight that'll be here in the morning, and I just want to make sure y'all understand. I want to share my experience. Y'all know I was in an old Vietnam bar one time. I've talked about it from podiums before, and I knew the lady that owned it. And I could go in there and drink for free. And I had this – some of y'all might have noticed that I'm blind in one eye. I got a black eye patch. I think some of you all think it's a prop. Yeah, don't start the pirate stuff. I'll crawl right up your butt. I just, I don't like it for shit. Anyway, anyway, we'll go to one of these little guys with a cane and say, wait, what's up, peg leg? You know, wait, nobody's going to do that, but the pirates always get the heat. You know? Anyway, I'm in this bar and we're talking and it seems so convenient to present myself as a Vietnam vet, you know, because I'm in this far and I've got a black eye patch and they're buying free drinks and it's like, but, you Know, it's like Myers talking, I can't shut up, you know, and so I'm talking and he becomes quite obvious after a couple of beers that I'd never been out of the state of Texas at the time. And they didn't appreciate me misrepresenting myself and I had the worst butt whipping of my life. A guy in a wheelchair beat me up. You'd think all you'd have to do is move, you know, but it kind of caught me on my blind side, don't you know? Y'all think I'm lying. Yeah, I can still hear him say, the guy's egging him on. Roll over him again, Jackson. That was a fine bar. But I learned my lesson about talking about stuff you don't know nothing about. And we got a lot of people in AA, got a lot of People in the World, period, that want to talk about something they've got no experience with. It's what drives me crazy. Y'all ever sit in an AA meeting and they were talking about the four-step and the little guy first thought Well, you know, I haven't actually done a four-step, but in our group we'll shut you down in a heartbeat. We'll stop you in a heartbeat because we want to hear about it if you've had an experience. If you don't have an experience with it, then be quiet. Knowledge versus experience. We're not here to listen to you ramble. Share your experience with us. My experience is that I had a real problem getting to Alcoholics Anonymous. Once I got here, I dang near died, and that's just my story. And I've got to tell you now, I've worked in the treatment center industry for a long time. I do clerical work for a treatment center, and I have for 20-plus years. We contact alumni. We network a whole bunch. And I'm not a marketer. I'm Not a clinician. I'm an administrator for this place I work, and that's what I do. And some of us that speak from the podiums, you've got work someplace where they'll look the other way while you're gone all the time. So I'm grateful that these guys let me do it. But one of the things that I saw over a 20-year period in the industry is a lot of people coming into the rooms. I've seen it a million times. These little guys will come out of detox, and they're all fried pie. You know how it is in treatment. You get there, and if you're not loaded, they'll get you loaded. They're going to get you a baseline and medicate you like a dog. And after a couple of days, you start coming out of the haze a little bit. And I usually grab them, take them down, get them something to eat, get to know them a little better, see what they're about, where they're from. so maybe I can hook them up with some people like you when they get out. That's part of what I do, and for free and for fun with that nonsense. I've done it a thousand times, and they'll get up there and they will start looking around and they Will see the steps on the wall and the traditions. We are all 12-step stuff in our treatments. And they Will say big books laying around. He says, oh man, no. I figured for this kind of money we would do something besides AA. I said, brother, I'm a whole bunch of years sober in AA. I mean, this business works. He said, no, no ,no. I know it works for some. I've tried AA. It doesn't work. And then I got to talk to them a little bit, and without exception, I get the same story. I went to 90 meetings in 90 days, and I got drunk. Okay, but you didn't try AA. And a lot of people of you are not nodding your head because you're not digging what I'm saying. So we got literature out there that contradicts this left and right. Guys, this is what I did for seven years in Alcoholics Anonymous. Go to meetings for a while, relapse, follow my butt, come back in, and get blamed because I didn't want it bad enough. Do it again, do it again do it agian. Guys the last time I picked up a desire chip, and I'll tell you a little bit about it nobody applauded. I bet you I've got some of you in here the same damn thing you know used to be you know oh welcome back you know about the millionth time of the internet. Buddy could you bring some of them chips back you're bankrupting this group. And I gotta tell you Every time I came back, guys, I wanted it. It's one of the things that drives me crazy. Every time a newcomer relapses, it's because he didn't want it bad enough. Could it possibly be that we're doing a lousy job in some parts of the world conveying the message of hope that some of the old-timers got? I'm just saying. I'm juste saying. Bill Wilson, there's a great little – I've got some stickers later. I'll drag them out if I can find them. It was in a letter, and as Bill sees it, there's a little excerpt from that letter. And in that letter, in 1942, he wrote it. Bill said, our chief responsibility to the newcomer is an adequate presentation of the program. I'll say it again. Bill Wilson, 1942, is writing this letter. That's why I put it on these stickers. We stick them on our little books so that we can remember. Our chief responsibility, we get to do a lot of other stuff at AA, but my chief responsibility is to guarantee that newcomer has an adequate presentation of the program. What's an adequate representation mean? Adequate presentation needs to mean more than keep coming back. It works if you work it. That's not adequate. That doesn't tell me anything. I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I'm just trying to say these little one-liners cause my hair to catch on fire sometimes if that's not inadequate. Adequate is, I mean, I'm sitting around Alcoholics Anonymous in and out for seven years and I can't get sober and I don't understand that it's about the 12 steps. I don'T UNDERSTAND IT'S ABOUT A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE. I JUST THINK IF I KEEP COMING TO ENOUGH MEETINGS, I'M GOING TO GET SOBER. AND AGAIN, IT'S WHAT MYERS SAID AND I'LL JUST WANT TO REPEAT IT. THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT GET SOBRE THAT WAY. WE'RE GOING TALK ABOUT IT TOMORROW WHEN WE TALK A LOT ABOUT THE FIRST STEP STUFF, BUT THIS IS A PROGRESSIVE ILLNESS. AND I KNOW LOTS OF PEEPLE EARLY ON IN THEIR ILLНESSES. Guys, how many of y'all remember when you could drink with pretty much impunity? I could drink. I wasn't getting arrested. I wasn'T taking my clothes off. I wasn' t doing any crazy stuff. Y'all follow? I eventually did some of that, you know, especially the nudity. What is that about? What is it about when you... It's just... Wouldn't do it now. Wouldn't be able to do it. Wouldn't wouldn't do It now. I don't... Oh, my God. Anyway, we want to share a little bit with you about our experience. And like I said, guys, I've said it from a thousand podiums. I know I've shared the podium with Larry in here and Amanda and a bunch of y'all in here. We've got a chance to, Dennis and Sissy over here and all the crazy. I mean, y'All hear me say it. If you can't reconcile it with a big book, hold it suspect at least. You're so free to agree with what we say from this podium and tomorrow in the workshop. If your sponsor is sitting up here and telling you one thing and we're telling you another, your sponsor's right. I don't have any truck with it. You're going to die if you're not careful But I'm just, you know I don't have a truck I mean it No joke It's the same thing Our experience is And some of y'all can jive with it I've got a counselor at this place I work Just recently He said Chris, people on this campus They mimic your story He thinks what they're doing Is hearing my story And then sharing their story To match mine And it's like Are you nuts? Guys, you don't realize how many people can relate to what we're talking about. Seven years in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous. I mean, how many of you guys have relapsed a time or two? Raise your hand. It's not a requirement. There's a lot of you. How many ofyou came one time and stayed sober from the very beginning? There you go. A bunch of us. That's ideal. That's what we are supposed to do. But understand some of us, you know, thousands of emails thousands of phone calls over the last 20 years of people who can identify with what we're talking about again, I'm not taking cheap shots at AA I'm saying if you're getting a clear message of hope out of the big book what is the message that we're supposed to be carrying is the 12 steps and the ensuing spiritual experience that you can that you CAN recover from alcoholism And if you're not getting that message, then it's what we call, the big book calls, middle-of-the-road solution. And it's okay. If that works for you, rock on. I've got a guy that I've had run-ins with over the years, thousands of times. He's just the nicest guy in the world. And he loves AA as much as I love AA. I guarantee you there's nobody out there that loves AA more than him. He's been in a meeting every day for 30 years. How cool is that? I don't know if he has a job or a family. I don' t know. I don''t know. But I think the message sometimes that we carry, and we' re going to talk about it this week, is if all I'm carrying is the message of go to meetings and don' d drink, then we' r giving, that' s middle-of-the-road hell right there. That's not adequate presentation of the program. You might be able to do that, y'all follow? But the real alcoholic, and that's who I'm talking to, that's the person that I care about, is the little cat that can't get sober. Listen, if I'm talk to this little cat, Myers alluded to it earlier, if I're talking to this guy and he's brand spanking new and he wants to get sober and I don't tell him the solution, shame on me. If I tell him The Solution and he doesn't do it, shame one him. Y'all agree? But guys, I've said it from a gazillion podiums. getting sober under the best of circumstances is a bear. Can I get a witness? I mean, it's just crazy. I mean you finish the detox and exactly what Myers was talking about, all this crazy stuff starts coming up and that person that you didn't want to be all along raises up and Bill Wilson talks about the bedevilments on page 52, you know, the irritable, restless discontent, the trouble in personal relationships, the low self, this feeling of uselessness, no sense of direction, fear, worry, depression. Oh my God, that's sober. That's tough. Best case scenario, this is a bear. I don't care how good your treatment is. I don'T care how thorough your detox was. I don' t care how cool your group is, how big it is, how fancy it is. Whatever. If you don't get the solution to know what to do in order to participate in your own recovery to get spiritually connected you're not going to stay sober. I've got to tell you guys Guys, if you can't hear the solution, I just agree with Myers in this deal. I think that somebody needs to take some responsibility when a newcomer comes in and we don't tell him how to get well. Like I said, a lot of thousands of people will come to our fellowship, hear the Solution, say it's not for me, and leave. I've got no problem with that. I understand. My heart goes out to the people that I've treated a thousand times who come back in the room and say, I've tried AA. It doesn't work. And then you talk to them and you find out all they ever did was go to a lot of meetings. Meetings don't treat alcoholism. For the recorded record and for everybody in this room, did anybody in here hear me say meetings are not important? Because I didn't say that. I would never say something so stupid, ever. The fellowship is such a big part of my life. We're going to talk about it. This little circle triangle business, I want to get out of the way tonight and tomorrow we're going to talk abut this physical craving and the mental obsession. So we're gong to talk about what alcoholism looks like and help some of you guys maybe who are sitting in here on the fence for heaven's sakes. But the opportunity for us to get in there and actually help somebody understand their truth. Bill Wilson was so crystal clear when he understood and conveyed the message to us that those of us that have been through the ringer are the ones that are most likely to be able to get the little cat's attention. We can help alcoholics, and listen, let me get this out of the way in case I say drugs too, because I know some of you little dope fiends snuck in the back door, and I just know it. I can tell by looking at some of them that you've got a lot more going on than just alcohol. Right now we're seeing thousands of people relapsing around prescription medication. I mean, our fellowship is just riddled with them. So we're not going to get specific about that, but I just... If you're a little dope fiend in here, welcome. That's all I is. We love you too. Thank you. The solution is the same for you. We'll move on quick. Like, I happen to qualify for a whole bunch of fellowships and 12-step doesn't. And gosh, guys, the last count I saw, I saw a list the other day. Somebody sent me an email. There's over 260 12-stepped fellowships out there that use our 12 steps. Alcoholics Anonymous, these are the ones that AA has given permission to use the 12 steps on. I mean, 260 fellowships, guys. I mean if you're having trouble molesting chickens, listen. I got some good news and bad news. Good news is you can get well too. Bad news is we ain't going to lunch. Sorry. Why would so many of these fellowships be trying to use these 12 steps if it didn't work? Because, guys, we know it works. My problem sometimes is that we use the language that presents this as an option. You see, if I could get spiritually connected without the steps, I would have done that in the church. And I know some people that can do that. I didn't have much luck doing that. If I could do this just by sitting in a room, then I'd shut my mouth. And I've got to say this real quick because I may forget later. Some of the stuff that one of the things that Myers said that was so telling to me and so specific is why people are always talking about our passion. Oh, Chris Raymer, you and Myers, you're so passionate about recovery. And we are. And let me be the first to tell you, it's not because we're not drinking one day at a time. Not knocking that. I'm just saying not drinking doesn't fill me with this kind of passion. Why I'm so excited about this is the simple fact that... See, let me paint a picture to you. If what we do in our room is the only thing we have to do in order to have a successful day is not drink, then I'm painting an incorrect picture for you. Because I could stay sober for periods of time. Early in my illness, I could put weeks and months together and not drink. Give me a job or a woman. Oh, my God. I could stay sober for two weeks for the ugliest woman in the room. I couldn't stay sober much longer than that for the prettiest woman in the room, come to think of it. But still, you know, given sufficient reason, I can stay sober for short periods of time. We'll talk more about that tomorrow. But guys, I've got to tell you, sobriety without ease and comfort, sobrietry without freedom is not sobrieting. It's dry time. So that's why I have problems sometimes with some folks that want to argue about this recovered recovering thing, you Know. I've Got to be the first to tell You going in the door, guys, I'm a recovered alcoholic. A couple of weeks into this, I recovered. And the obsession to use Lifted and I'm still a bozo and I've got... I'm not a perfect example of what this fellowship is about, but I believe the promises that Bill Wilson tells us in the 10th step come true. On 132 when it says you have recovered, we have recovered and been given the power to help others is true. Treatment centers are the ones that started this. We'll always be recovering. And some of you are not laughing because you're saying it still. And I'm just saying there's a big movement out there, a lot of people. Guys, I was sharing this from the podium 20 years ago, and if you introduced yourself as recovered, you'd have a lineup of people come up and say, You're wrong. And now we get one or two. It used to be a whole half of a room. Y'all make sense? Some of the best hope we can give the newcomer is that by God, you can get well. We've got to at least start claiming the gift. I think if Bill Wilson meant that every day we're going to be sick and every day's a day we could relapse and we're gonna be recovering the rest of our lives, I think he would have written it in the book. He didn't. Title page of the book, story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism. And everybody thinks, oh, what's the point? It's a big deal. It's not a moot point. I think it's valid to start this with a clear understanding that this is for keeps. Guys, I could stop doing the work and get sick. I've watched dozens of circuit speakers, Larry, some of the guys that I speak with, We know, all of us know people out there who have gotten sick and relapsed. I'm not taking a shot at them. I could get sick again. But if I keep doing what I'm supposed to be doing in this circle triangle we'll talk about in a second, I'm going to stay on rock-solid ground. That's my story. That's mine. That's how I experience with the hundreds of men I've sponsored. That's why I'm here today. That's where I'm from. That's what I do. A lot of hope there. Treatment centers don't want you to hear that. you're a good customer if you come back six or seven times one of the reasons I say it from the podium too is I get a lot of new people coming in we got a lot young people coming and I gotta tell ya one of problems with young people is getting them to understand who wants to be a part of the fellowship that requires you to be sick the rest of your life I don't want to be apart of that I want to be well. And Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob wrote extensively about that. So don't come up after him, the daily reprieve and all this. We've all been through it. I don't want to talk to you about it. If you want to stay that way and introduce yourself that way, that's perfectly okay with me. The big book tells me on page 92 to introduce myself to the newcomer as a man who has recovered. Those are exact marching orders in the book that tells me what to do. Just saying. Myers and I, we were born out in Odessa, out in the oil field. My father was a printer, one of the finest craftsmen I've ever known in my life. And my mother was a professional artist. She's still alive today. She's 90, and she's amazing, just absolutely amazing. and we've got a little sister and a half sister and we caught the genetic bullet like he alluded to my pops was an alcoholic he was the kindest, nicest guy I don't think I ever saw him get crazy but he was like what we call a periodic he would stay sober for long periods of time he did some stints in AA and stayed sober for periods of times and then something would happen the barometric pressure would change it didn't seem to matter what would happen and he would twist we were in for a siege because he would go and buy a six pack not a case He would buy a six-pack of Slitz beer. As far as I'm concerned, you have to be drunk to drink Slitz gear. Do they still make that, Ralph? Do they? Okay, never mind. Anyway, that's what he would do. He'd buy a sixth pack and he'd come home with it and we'd say, oh, here we go again. Because he would start and he would be off to the stupid races. He never missed a day at work, never got arrested, never did a bunch of crazy... Y'all follow? But he was impaired. And I've got to say it without crying. And he was not a happy camper most of his life. He was uncomfortable in his skin. I don't want to be like that. We started drinking in high school. Family drank. You know, it was cool in the hill country. It was just my mom and dad, they said, well, you know, we know you're going to drink, so go ahead and go and you'll go out to the property and get a keg of beer and you all drink out there and, you now, just be careful. And we did. And we were okay. And I'll never forget my first drink was a bottle of Boone's Farm apple wine. Buddy, I speak all over the world and I get that same reaction everywhere. I know. You can feel the love. Come on, guys. And you guys that are not doing it, you've never tried it. Okay? I'm not encouraging you to do that. But next time, if you have the chance, it's not that it tastes good. It's just crap. But it's pretty. It's this color green that you've ever seen in nature. There's no grape in it. I don't know what kind of chemicals they put in it, but anyway, you can drink. We bought a little bottle like this. I don' t remember the... It was just a little small bottle, and I was going to split it with a friend of mine. This is the first time... I had sips at Pop's drinks, beers, and stuff like that. This was the first times we had some alcohol. This was ours, and we were going to go drink it, me and my buddy of mine, and we leaned up against a big old cypress tree up in the hill country, and he took a pull, andI took a pulled. He spit it out, and he didn't like it, and then I took another pull, I said, don't spit this out. If you're not going to drink it, but don't waste it. I mean, this is all we got. Already greedy. Oh, my God. I hadn't even discovered drugs yet. That was one of the deals when we were growing up. Now, I've got to tell you real quick, guys, because we made a commitment. Our high school friends got arrested for smoking pot. And I made a deal at that time with God. I says, if we don't get arrested this summer, I'm never going to do another illicit drug. And, buddy, I've got to tell you, for a whole bunch of years, I didn't. I had the power to not do that. But I never could do that with alcohol, despite the deal. Anyway, he left. He didn't want any more of it. And I finished the rest of it and went home. And I'm walking across that field behind our house and walking back to the house. It was about 11 o'clock at night, big old full moon up, colder than hell. It was January 1971 when I took my first drink. The year Bill Wilson, the co-founder, passed away, I took mine. My first drink, I would love to have met that man and I'm walking across that field and I remember thinking still to this day I still remember how that felt and I still Remember exactly saying these thoughts now I know why pop strings you'll follow and I went home and again I didn't I just knew that I was going to do this every time I had every weekend whenever I could opportunity to drink I did guys and then for years I didn' t pass out I didn''t I didn ''t do a bunch of crazy stuff And this is what so many people don't understand. I know some of you in here, I sponsored a guy one time that had two DWIs. He drank twice. I mean, it was just absolutely not... Where's the fairness in that? I mean... He had no social period of drinking at all. I mean I had a whole bunch of years. I was in the food business and as a professional chef or cook you could drink on the job. They didn't give a rat's butt. If you showed up and did your job they didn't care how much you drank. It was pretty cool. And the guys with the big white hats got laid a lot. Anyway, I'm just saying. And got free beer. It was heaven on earth. And I was pretty talented, guys, in that industry. And we left the hill country as soon as we could, and I went to Houston. And I got an apprenticeship program there at what back then was the Houston Oaks Hotel. and it's now at Weston and down at the Galleria and ended up a few years later in Austin and a few year later I ended up in Atlanta traveled around a whole bunch was pretty good at what I did as a craftsman most of the alcoholics that I know in this world are talented beyond belief except for that old alcohol thing we do a pretty good job and that's been my experience I'm not just saying that a lot of people in AA have never found that talent because they got sidetracked with the alcohol But it's one of my big soapboxes to try to help people get excited about their life again. And anyway, I remember calling my mom one time. I was in Houston just drinking. She didn't comment so much on it. I kind of held it away from her, what we were doing. And I wanted to get out. I wanted her to leave town. I was drinking too much. And she said, well, you know, I need to get sober again. And she says, where do you want to go? And I said, well, Austin, Texas. She wired me $500 so I could move to Austin. It's like there's no alcohol in Austin, Texas. Y'all understand? I mean, it was my first geographical cure. We were trying to do this and I watched so many people try to do it. Talking to a family member this afternoon, she said, Well, I think our daughter shouldn't come home. I think her daughter should go someplace else. Again, it's a geographical. Bop to your drop. It might work. But at the end of the day, you can't blame your drinking to your external circumstances. This little guy we drove up here, this is a little issue man. The little center spot up there is his little heart. This is the little spiritual malady that we need to talk about. I'm going to, here. Those little X's are little outside issues that we can't stop talking about. It's got nothing to do with my drinking. So, and we'll talk more about that tomorrow. Some of y'all absolutely will not agree with that because you believe your drinking is connected to that. And I'm just going to submit for your consideration. I got this counselor right he said buddy why are you drinking so much I said that girl what she won't go out with me yeah and then she married me Chris you're still drinking I've told it from a thousand podiums I'll never forget asking God out in front of a bar if you could let this woman marry me I'm going to be ok Hey, I'll quit drinking. Everything, I need to put some roots down. God, help me out here. Two weeks later, we're married. I got them old rented boat shoes in the closet. And I'm sitting there watching her eat them Cheerios and shoveling them in my eyes. She says, God, if you could just kill this woman, everything's going to be okay. She's a sweetheart. It had nothing to do with her. You all understand? But at the end of the day, I'm so uncomfortable inside, it's not even funny. And I haven't made the connection that it's the alcoholism that's causing the problem. Can we get on that same page real quick? Alcohol's not the problem. We'll talk more about it tomorrow. Alcoholism's the problem You think it's The same thing, it's not Because guys, most of us in here have been detoxed before When I stop drinking I get worse Not better Yeah And some of y'all want to visit about that We can sure share Because I'd like to I don't remember where we were I'd come back to Houston I always ended up coming back to Houston in the moves I still drive a pickup you know because you never know when you've got to move again I don' t know it's just inbred in me because I'm convinced if I can get some place then I won't be a problem and it's always me but I've got a great work ethic from my father and Myers can attest to that. I mean, I'm the first at work and the last to leave and I've never missed a day's work in all my drinking. Ever. Ever. Ever. I ain't robbing liquor stores. I ain'T doing all the crazy stuff. But I'm up in North Texas. We moved closer because I figured if I could get closer to Myers I could stay sober and I got a job at a country club and he turned out to be a lush just like me and was not a good match. Anyway, I came home. I'd been doing some outside issues one night and I was high as a kite. I'd done a bunch of stuff and I Was drinking a bunch and I came back and I said, I came to my mom and she said something and I pushed her. It was one of those deals. I'm in a West Texas boy. A guy's up on the front row of the Baptist church and you might get physical with some loud mouth in a bar but you don't touch a woman ever and I did. I used to pat myself on the back and I didn't punch her I scared her to death I pushed her against the wall and she'd never seen me like that she'd seen me drunk a bunch of times but she'd ever seen me that nuts after all the dust settled she said what was that about I said I'm sorry she said you know you got real clear here we're only together a few years now and I'm not going to spend the rest of my life getting worried about getting shoved around I'm nicht going to play this game I love you, and I'll stay with you, but we're going to have to make some changes. And I told her that night. I said, listen, I'm going to quit. And I meant it with every fiber in my body. I've got to stay there for a minute because usually somebody laughs real loud. I know alcoholics, you hear it all over AA, you know, if an alcoholic's mouth is moving, he's lying. That's not been my experience. My experience is, andI think it's disrespectful. I just do. Alcoholics are no more dishonest than anybody else. I mean, under the influence, we can be goofy. We can be dishonest. But I don't think there's any more propensity for us to do stupid stuff than half the people out there. You know, it's the way we're raised, just like what Myers was talking about, and that's the nature of the beast with drugs and whatever. We break the law. Y'all understand where I'm at? When I told her that I was going to quit, I meant it with every fiber in my body. See, what I didn't understand was and so many people that come to treatment don't understand and so many family members out there don't Understand so many People sitting in a a don't Understand is that I don't have the power to manage the decision to stay stopped If you can stop given sufficient reason You're not an alcoholic I Realized what I was doing to my kids and I put the plug in the jug and I've never had another drink How cool is that? I'm not going to question whether you are or not. I'm just trying to say what the book tells me is that if you can stay sober on a non-spiritual basis, you're not one of us. That's what the books says. Bottom page 34. We can talk about it tomorrow. I'm saying my external world exacerbates the daylights out of it. Do y'all follow? But I'm simply saying I quit for work before. I quit before a boss before. I quit after that wife before. Two weeks later, I came home and I'd been drinking. I didn't get drunk. It was clear. I was going to go to the bar with this guy, chef downtown. We were going to have a couple of Jaegers. That was it. Maybe one beer and we were done. I came home. I'd been drinking. She saw me get out of the car. I was not drunk. Y'all understand? I was under the influence but I was Not Loaded by any stretch of the imagination. I'm patting myself on the back because I didn't get drunk. And she went to the bedroom and packed. She said, my deal with you was that we weren't going to touch another drop of alcohol. And two weeks later, you come home and you've been drinking and she left. And I'd like to say I got sober. I didn't. But I did go to Alcoholics Anonymous. I had five more years of drinking. And I go to AA, my first meeting. I'm not going to beat it to death because Myers did a pretty good job explaining what happens. I went to the AA meeting. It was the same as like I've seen it. I walked in and everybody's sitting around the room and I remember it was real dark and there was steps on the wall. You kind of walked in and kind of get your eyes adjusted and it was, oh my God, it was just an old geezer laying in a recliner. You know, like one of those, what do you call them? I always forget what they're called. You know what I'm talking about, easy chair. He sat up real quick and scared the shit out of me. And it was like, had this light like psycho, ee, ee. You know hit it and the lights moving like that and I'm going, I've been drinking. I'm freaked out. I'm doing Alcoholics Anonymous but I think, I don't think I've ever shared this from the podium but I feel like I think we ought to go into every AA club and if there's an easy chair in there that you can lay down in like a bum, we need to get rid of it. You ever gone to somebody else's group and sit in the wrong chair? Oh. You can't sit there. Why? Because the poobah sits there. All right. Rock on. We don't tell the newcomer that sometimes. But anyway. This guy sets up and he says, do you have a desire not to drink? And I said, yes. What he's doing is not qualifying me as an alcoholic. He's qualifying me for membership in the fellowship. And he has every right to do that. This is back in the day, guys, in the 80s. We had all these little crack monsters coming into our rooms. And this guy wants to make sure that his meeting stays pure. Like a bunch of drunks is okay, but we don't want any of them crackheads in our room. I don't have any truck with us. But that's what he did. He qualified. Do you have a desire not to drink? I said well, I'm drinking now. He said that's okay, do you want to quit? I I said, yeah, I want to try to do this. And he said, okay, welcome. And I sat there and I got a little hope there for a second. My eyes adjusted and there was like six or seven other people in the room. Oh my God, who knew? Guys, when I say that room was dark, I meant it. It was like, oh my God. Anyway, they went around the room, some ladies having trouble with their husbands, so we went around and we talked about domestic stuff, you know, relationship stuff. How many of y'all ever been in a meeting where we talked about relationships? Except I'm the little guy that Myers talked about who doesn't want to drink tomorrow. But we're not going to talk about that because we're too busy trying to fix this lady's marriage. Isn't it amazing? I just love it. I've just got to take a chance with you. I'm not trying to be offensive, but can you imagine you go into a room with probably a thousand marriages represented in that room. You know what I'm saying? And you talk to them about relationships. This guy over here has been married six times and he wants to tell you how to have a successful relationship. It makes me laugh. Anyway, I went home that night and I popped a beer like that and she said, I thought you were going to quit drinking. She said, buddy, I'm working on it. I'm learning a bunch of stuff tonight. We need to go to therapy because our relationship sucks. They're hooking me up with a good therapist. Guys, listen, let me just tell you and I'm going to repeat one thing Myra said. There wasn't a person in that room trying to hurt me. You all understand that? Everybody's trying to help. Everybody's trying to be as kind and as... When did it become okay not to tell the newcomer how to get well? When are we going to get around to explaining that you've got to have a spiritual experience if Bill Wilson continues to use the word, if you're a real alcoholic? Because he knows that there are going to be people in here that are not real alcoholics. But if you happen to be the real McCoy, we only know one way to get wel. i'm in alcoholics anonymous for seven years and nobody ever took me aside and showed me that i knew it was about the steps in a nebulous sort of way but we never talked about the steps there were no big books in the rooms i was getting sober in i was seven years so seven years sober seven years in and out of the rooms didn't even own a big book had never had a sponsor you'll follow okay i'll take full responsibility but i'm going to tell you guys, at some point we've got to stop blaming the newcomer for not getting well. I sponsor little guys like that, buddy, and we got him a little big book, and he comes to me and he doesn't have a big book. It's not going to be, hey, buddy. Where's your big book? He says, it's going to real serious. Like, buddy we studied the book here. Where is your book? It's in the car. Go get it. Well, I don't think you need to talk to me Bye-bye. Bye-by. Blame me for loving you enough to be... Everybody tiptoeing around a little bit. We don't want to scare them off. What's going to scare him off? Well, the solution. But we're not going to... Anyway. Anyway, in and out, in an hour, in a hour. I can't get sober. I put together a little sobriety and then I twist. I get to that little place and my mind starts playing tricks with me. It's always that little voice. Two, three weeks out, this little voice starts talking. You could probably smoke a joint. Hate pot. Hate it. I'm sorry. I know some of you lie. It's the crappiest drug on earth as far as I'm concerned is pot. I'm a kid of the 60s. I should have loved it. Who wants a drug that makes you horny and paranoid all at the same time? Horny, paranoid, and hungry all atthe same time. Stand in the closet. You know, I can drink a case of beer. Literally, I could drink a 12-pack of beer and go to work. Y'all follow? And I can smoke a roach and I'm in a fetal position under the bed, you know? I hate it. But my head says, when I'm trying to stay sober, you can do that. In North Texas, we call it the marijuana maintenance program. There's still people out there today picking up chips. Well, man, thanks, man. I've been sober a whole year. Scratch, scratch. White smoke surrounds them, you know. If that's what you want, rock on. But anyway, I pretty much decided that that stuff wasn't going to work. And I ended up working for my twin brother. A cooking deal went bad and I was going to worked for him for a short period of time. If it hadn't been for family, I won't embarrass him because I always do from the podium. He's just like me. He doesn't want to hear any good stuff. But if it hadn'T been for some of our families, we'd have been dead. That's just all there is to it. I'm a professional chef. I'm a card-carrying member of the Chef's Association. I can get a job anywhere making big bucks, but I'm too sick to work. I can't stand that long. And they gave me a job working in the book bindery. It was just going to be for a short period of time. I was there seven, eight years, and I got sober in that bindery, but I am not a happy camper, and I am being very effective at work for him. I don't like where I live. I am driving an old beat-up pickup truck. He said he couldn't get a date with a shotgun. I couldn't get a date with a shotgun and a pocket of crack. I couldn'T get a day. We're not that homely. I don't know what it is about, but I'm just lonely. I remember one time in Atlanta, Georgia, in a park. I don'T remember where the park was, but I had an old beat-up Toyota Celica that I'd wrecked the front end on a little bit. Let's just say parts were missing off the front of that old Toyota. That was a great little car, though, And I drove it all over the South, and my first time through this state was in that car. But I went to this park, and I was sitting there, and I'm drinking a brewski in this park. And I'm looking at the families and all the little kids playing. And guys, I don't know, I'm probably 23, 24 years old by now. And I start crying, just exactly like what Myers is saying. It's like, I am never gonna have that. I mean, to be in your early 20s and to just give up. I know intellectually that the alcohol is part of the problem. But I won't get down to that it's all of the problem. Because there's nobody going to explain what alcoholism looks like. Because we're too busy trying to scare each other into recovery with these stupid war stories. And I'm going to hit this one more time and I'm gonna walk away from it. Guys, I gotta tell you, there are ID meetings we just talked about and they're all very important. But I gotta say, I tell you who we kill the most of in this fellowship is women with these stupid war stories. This idea that we're somehow going to scare... If you ever find yourself sitting in a meeting saying, you don't want to end up like me, do you? Stab yourself with the closest pencil. Come on, guys. The big book says you're not going to remember the consequences of even a week or a month ago. You're not gonna remember your own stupid war story. I've yet to have in all of my 26 years of sobriety, I've never had a single solitary person speaking for all over the world from the podiums. I've never had a single call, text, e-mail from somebody who says, I remember you talked about eating out of a dumpster in Houston, Texas, and it stopped me from drinking. Not once. Fear is not going to stop an alcoholic from drinking Fear might get them in treatment. Fear might gets them motivated and head them to the door, but it's not going get you well. I'm not knocking the story exactly what Myers said. Friday night from a podium, share your story. In a 12-step call, buddy, you've got to have a story. You can't just walk up and start talking about the big book. You've got do this real selective. You've go to go talk to him about your story. He'll tell some of his stories, and pretty soon he'll understand it. You've both oars in the water, and you know what you're talking about. He'll start to listen because sooner or later in the conversation, maybe five minutes, maybe 15 minutes, maybe a couple of days, he's eventually going to say, but you're not drinking now. And you go, no, easy. It's like fishing. You don't want to go too fast. Ralph, you can screw it up here if you go too fast. You don't want to sound too eager because he's inevitably going to say, well, but how did you do it? He's opened the door, counselor. Reel him in. You know, just hook, set the hook. Well, have you ever been to Alcoholics Anonymous? And then you can tell him he's, oh, that's heaven. Y'all follow? Reel them in, get him in the boat. All right, we're going to take him to a meeting. The last thing this guy, because he is pretty excited now, He thinks there's a solution in this book. He wants to go hear some hope, and we take him to the meeting, and they go, oh, we have a newcomer here. Let's turn this into a first-step meeting. Let's tell Johnny how we got here. Let me guess. You drank too much. Y'all understand? Y'All laugh when we go back to our meetings. The problem is our meeting formats. We need to change some of these formats. Some of these meetings are okay. ID meeting occasionally, I think that's fine. I don't have a problem with that. But guys, do we have to have every meeting an ID meeting? Every meeting we're going to tell our story. At the end of the day, the old timers, the newcomers, everybody gets tired of hearing the same story. Can you tell me how your life is better today as a result of working the steps? Can you show me how you're doing it now? How your life has changed as a resultado of that spiritual experience? Because I want to hear it. I wanted to hear It 26 years ago. I want To hear It today. Man, I'm fixing to turn 61. I got hair growing out of my ears. I want to tell you something. I need some hope shared with me. I don't know. It's right there. I'm kidding. What the hell is that, an antenna? Larry didn't have any hairs on his ears. Okay. Anyway, we end up with the women I was bringing back around trying to scare you into recovery. She's sitting there, and she's in trouble. She got a little sheet signed, so she comes in. We've got an opportunity because the court says you've got to come. So we've got a chance to really share some hope and tell you how your life can get better as a result of doing this one day at a time. We can absolutely set the hook with you because you're sitting in this room, but we're not going to do that because we're going to go around and tellyou how we got here, and then we'regoing to goaround and tell everybody. We're goingto one-up everybody, right? This last lady had a decent story, and that's okay, but this lady, she's got two DWIs, and this lady has had 1,400 DWIs and just got out of prison. and this lady killed her husband and she chopped him up in a bag and put him in like this. And this lady sitting right here, she's got a Louis Vuitton sitting in her lap. She's holding it closer by the minute. Oh, there's a guy with a black eye patch over in the corner. Oh my God, please don't let him share. And I'm going to talk about eating out of dumpsters in Houston, Texas. She lives in a half million dollar house on the hill. She's as much of an alcoholic as I am. But her story is different because she got here in a different way. So many of us guys look around the room We all come to this room in different paths. We don't have to all just hit this bottom. Some of us come through the judicial system. Some of you are smart enough and pretty enough and bright enough to avoid a lot of the stupid stuff that the rest of us had to do. So you're insulated by your beauty and your money. That's my one hope is that everybody coming to Alcoholics Anonymous gets stupid and poor and ugly all at the same time. Because if you don't happen to have that to fall back on, We're in business. Anyway, I'm tired of scaring women away. They get their little sheet sign and they leave and say, you know, I thought that might help, but I'm not like those people because all we shared with her was our stupid stories. Guys, tomorrow we're going to talk about it. If we tell the story and connect it to a symptom of the illness, we can do them a service. If I can tell you a story and explain the phenomenon of craving, I'm doing you okay. If I could tell you the story and connect it to the mental obsession, I'm doing okay. But if all I'm going to do is tell you a stupid story, you're going to give me all the information I need to walk out the door. I get tired of people. Eventually, you're gonna hear your story in AA. I've been around AA for 30 years. I have yet to hear my story. One-eyed ex-cook eating out of dumpsters in Houston. Not once. Y'all understand? I'm not trying to be sarcastic. Stop it. That's why I have a problem with the stories in the back of the book. That is not going to tell you what alcoholism looks like. It's just another story to let you off the hook. Nearly killed him because he's waiting to get as bad as me. He almost made it, I've got to tell ya. He did pretty good. Anyway, one cold November night, I left work. There was nothing going on at work. There was no big pressure, nothing. I went and picked up some mail. I picked up my mail at my little apartment. My sister-in-law co-signed for me so I could get this little apartment, and I pickedup the mail, and I did it once a month whether I needed to or not. Y'all follow? My credit was ruined because I just wouldn't pick up the mail. I mean, it's like out of sight, out of mind. Anyway, I picked Up these stack of return checks, and here we go again. And I'm 35 years old, guys, and I'm a mess. And I went to my little apartment over past cold November night and opened the return checks and had bounced a whole bunch of checks, including the rent check. And I am going to have to go to my sister-in-law, Londa, and she is going to having to give me some money so I can pay these checks off. Guys, I am just tired of doing this. I am tired of letting my family down. I can let me down until the cows come home. Who cares? I can't even look myself in the mirror. But I'm tired of letting people that I love down. I'm just done. There's nothing romantic about it. I just took a bunch of bottles of pills and fed the ferrets and watered up a little sick ivy and stacked up the element, tried to tidy up a Little Bit and down two bottles of bills. I'm Just Nothing Romantic, No Letters, Goodbye Crew World. I'm JUST Sick. And I've Tried AA. I've Been To Treatment. I've been in Therapy. I'm on seven medications a day, all doctor-prescribed for my various disorders. Some of them are great. You chop that shit up and snort it. Oh, my God. I'm not knocking medications. I'm just saying these are all doctor prescribed medications, and I'm abusing those. Anyway, I heard a voice that night that said, don't do this. Go back to AA. And it scared the day. I remember kicking the ferret's cage thinking it was the ferrets talking Because y'all need to understand, I'm impaired, but I'm not loaded. I'm just like, what is going on? But this was not a thought. Perhaps you should give alcohol. I heard a voice that said, go back to AA. And I've got thousands of emails from people that heard the same voice. Sometimes it was a guy's voice. Sometimes it Was a girl's voice, but this made myself sick, laid down on the side of the bed and conked out. And the next morning, heard it again, and I committed that that night I'm going to go to AA and I went to work because that's what I do. and I called a doctor and that afternoon I was running late from work and there was a meeting I'd never been to before. I'd been outside it because the guy that Myers was talking about at 12 Step he had showed me where the meeting was. He said, this is a big book group so don't go in there if you're not ready to do the big book which I made a mental note. Don't go on there. Something told me intuitively that I was not going to find a date in that room. But anyway, I was like, I was just running late and it was between me and the Kentucky Fried Chicken in my apartment. You know, and I was going to make that little U and go home and detox through the weekend. And the first part of my spiritual experience is that I got out of that truck and I walked in the back door. And I'm detoxing. I'm less than 24 hours away from that suicide attempt. And I walked into the back room and I'm coming apart. I'm shaking. I'm a mess. And everybody's laughing like we are in here. It's just like the room where Myers was talking about. It's smoking. Everybody's got six or seven cigarettes out of their mouth. and I walk in and the chairperson is seeing me up in North Texas picking up chips and he waves, welcome back. And I'm real self-conscious and the lady over here laughs real loud and I can't do it. I'm just like, man, I cannot do this. And I don't even get to the coffee pot and I turn around to walk out and a little girl hooked her finger in my belt loop. She said, sit down cowboy, you're not going anywhere. You know, God was just all over that. If it had been him, I'd have shoved him gently out of the way No, yes, I am going. Cowboy this and I'll be out the door, you know? But it was a girl that did it. She didn't sponsor me. We didn't date. Her sponsor couldn't get across the table to me. Old lady had been sponsoring everybody for a million years and she knew what she was looking at. She's got a runner here, you Know? The guy's not even in the door and he's fixing to split. Get him! And this girl knew her primary purpose. Primary purpose didn't say anything about gender. It just said help somebody that needs the help. she saved my life I don't know where she is tonight I hope she's well that's all she sat me down at a table and got me a roll of paper towels and a coffee cup and I kept spilling it they laughing at me I wish y'all could see the courage of this I mean I have a big old nasty full beard like Myers has got big old I got a bunch of weight on me right here you know it's just bloat it's a little stick with a gut I'm horrible I'm kidney damaged and liver damaged, diagnosed. I mean, I'm dying. And that was the big joke. I got to tell it. We couldn't tell if it was an eye patch or an ear muff when you first got here. I'm so self-conscious about that. You all see me adjusted about 4,000 times in talk, you know. I just like, but I mean at the day, I mean it's little things you don't worry about, you know. they went around the room and they shared how their life had changed as a result of the steps nobody told me a stupid war story that was the chairperson he said let's tell Chris how our life has changed as a resultado of working the steps and they went round and talked about getting her credit cards back and getting cool jobs and getting in cool relationships and buying houses there was a lady at the end of the table that had sketch pads I'm a frustrated artist and I come from a family of good ones best I can do is appreciate it she had gone back to school and she was a sculptor And I just like fascinated with this stuff. Guys, I'm 35 years old and I've just tried to commit suicide. And these people are giving me the one thing that I need. And that's hope. If they'd have told me another war story, I'd have shot myself. At the end of the meeting, a guy got up next to me and he said, Chris, I need to ask you a question. He had these old nasty glasses like this looking down over him. And he says, I've got to ask you a question because my book asked me to ask you real simple. I've Got to Ask You This Simple Question. Are you done? Well, I don't know. He said, it's an honest answer, but I've GOT to ask you, are you willing to try to be done? Because if I'd have said no, he'd have walked away. But I said, yes, yes. He said Chris, you don't have a clue how to do this. We're going to show you real quick how to do this. You haven't been able to stay sober because you continue to blame everything around you for your relapses. You can't stay sober, because you haven't worked the steps. If you'll sit with me a few minutes, here's one more time of exactly what Myers is talking about. This old guy didn't go home to his family to dinner. He sat with me, not long, but he spent a little time with me saying, Chris, we've watched you so many times relapse. You can get sober just like we did. Let me ask you some questions. Let me show you for just a second in the book why you can't get well. Wow. Man, I've been in treatment before. I mean, they, you know, I'm in therapy for ten years. I mean I know about inner child and I know all about low self-esteem and I'm not knocking any of that, but I mean I know why I can't stay sober. If I could get a job that paid me a whole bunch and maybe a good looking woman I could have, you now. He said, will you sit? And I said yes. and he sat down and he opened his book and the circle triangle on there and he said, this is back in the day we had the circle triangular in our books and this was 87. And he opened it up and he says, Chris, I'm going to show you this because this is what we're using. We've been using this since the early days, 55 and we put this in the book. Bill Wilson brought it to us at 50 and we talked about it and we finally got it in the books and don't get me started. We ended up taking it out about 93. We were trying to put it back and it didn't get voted in but anyway, he asked me and opened it up, he said, what is recovery to you? And I've been around guys hundreds of seven years in the program. He said, I said, it's the 12 steps. He said, buddy, that's pretty good. Yeah, absolutely. The 12 steps have you worked the 12 steps? And i said, well, i'm working those 12 steps to the best of my ability, which translates to no, i am not working the steps. Come on, guys. It's a yes or no question. And this guy got real appointed with me. He just chuckled. He said, chris, come on, buddy. Have you worked the steps. No, I've worked some of them. You get bonus points, but you don't, but they don't work. He asked it, you know, he said, that's what's unity. I said, meetings, the fellowship rock on. Do you go to meet? Yes. Meeting makers make it. He rolled his eyes and he gave me a little check. He said, okay, I'll give you that. You'll follow. I didn't have a home group, but I went to lots of meetings. Check. What service? Well, that's making coffee and emptying ashtrays. And he said, yes and no. Yes, that is part of what we do. We all do that. Somebody has got to set the chairs up. Somebody's got to vacuum the floor. Thank you for being of service with that. But our main service is what? Primary purpose, tradition five, we have but one primary purpose to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. One primary purpose. How many people have you sponsored in seven years? Well, none. I mean I can't stay sober. That's why. And he gave me an X. You've got a three-part program designed to treat a three part illness and you're in exactly one part and you wonder why. Guys, it's equilateral. I'm not taking away. People say from the podium, oh Chris is knocking meetings. He's bad mouthing this. meetings are so important it's not even funny my fellowship is the bedrock of this whole thing but the foundation stone that the book talks about is working with others bottom page 14 top of page 15 real quick look at it I'm watching the clock closer than y'all are my friend Ebby's in town's hospital with Bill and Bill was talking about Ebby he said my friend emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs he's working the steps with bill in the hospital we watch so many of you guys volunteer at the treatment centers where we work where we have acquaintances y'all bring meetings in y'ALL ARE DOING EXACTLY WHAT BILL WILSON DID THEY'RE NOT GETTING IT IN TREATMENT IN LOTS OF PLACES THEY GET IT FROM Y'ALL BRINGING THE COOL MESSAGE IN GIVING THEM SOME HOPE PARTICULARLY WAS IT IMPERATIVE TO WORK WITH OTHERS AS HE'D WORKED WITH ME FAITH WITHOUT WORKS WAS DEAD HE SAID AND HOW APPALLINGLY TRUE FOR THE ALCOHOLIC ONE OF THE MOST THE FINEST SENTENCES in the book. Here it is. For if the alcoholic fails to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again and if he drank, he Would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it's just like that. Y'all get it? Guys, I'm an A.A. for seven years and I don't understand that. If you want to grow spiritually, it didn't say you've got to pray every morning and thank God at night and do this. I'm not knocking that. Do it if you want to. That's not what the book says. The book says you've got to get off your butt and go help another drunk get sober. One of my biggest soapboxes out there is that we have a tendency in these meetings to slow everybody down. Not a day goes by I don't get an email from somebody, you can't sponsor. I can't believe you're telling people to sponsor and within a few months, they've got be sober for two years at our group to sponsor. Change groups. Don't know what to tell you. If there's a secret handshake, it's about this. and we're going to do a whole hour tomorrow afternoon about working with others. Guys, I know it's a scary deal, but that's what we're going to talk about. We're goingto talk about working these steps at a pretty good clip. There's great workshops out there, guys, where they take every sentence and break it apart and dissect it and write it down. Those workshops are wonderful. That's not going to be tomorrow. We'er going to go through the step. How can I get a little newcomer through the steps quickly? The problem with Alcoholics Anonymous today is we see it in our experiences that we go too slow with so many people. Everybody says, well, this is not a race. Yes, comma, it is. I've got to say, Harry Thiebaud was Bill Wilson's shrink. Bill was seeing him when he was working on the 12 and 12. There was a compilation I just saw in Hazleton's catalog. Somebody got a copy of it for me. A compilation of Harry Thibaud's letters and articles. This guy was brilliant. He wrote some great stuff. talked about the resurgence of the ego. This guy had a really clear grasp of the problem. If you get a chance to read any of his stuff or if you email me, I can send you. I've got a bunch of stuff in Dropbox now. I can click and it's the greatest invention in the world is Dropbox. Anyway, quick, fast, at an attachment, I can sent you this stuff and it used to take me forever to do it. Now I can do it real quick but I can't do it from the airport for heaven's sakes but Harry Tebow, one of the things he said is that you could hit a thousand bottoms but unless you surrender at one of those bottoms, you're just going to keep hitting bottoms y'all follow everybody says I'm done I've hit my bottom but unless you surrender and by surrender we're going to say that you're going to do the work you're just going to keep hitting bottoms there's always going to be something else that's going to reach back up and grab you in the butt and so that's the nature of the beast I mean we have to look at it how many of you cats drank and drugged when things were really good in your life how many of you drank when things were really bad in your life how many when you had a great relationship had a cool job how many of y'all drank at night I want y'ALL to be real careful when we leave here because I don't know if y'All noticed it but the sun went down while we were in here this is treatment center crap guys the cool part is when you do the work nothing out there can trigger you nothing the 10 step promises come true so got to mention it again we talked about being free to agree or disagree and so i know we've hit some high spots on this and i i don't want to be critical of anybody telling their war stories in meetings i don'T want to BE CRITICAL TO SOMEBODY THERAPIZING IN MEETINGS THERE'S PLACES FOR ALL OF THAT BUT I JUST THINK SOMETIMES THE THE RIGHT PLACE IS WHERE WE NEED TO DO IT AND IT'S JUST THAT SIMPLE I WORK WITH MORE MEN AT THE PICNIC TABLE OUT BACK HELPING them with their problems. That's part of what I get to do. I keep a contact list, and somebody asks me something, and I don't know anything about it. I've already collected numbers here of people that I can contact to help if I've got somebody coming back to this area. We'll talk about some more of that tomorrow. I'm not Mr. Answer Man because I've been sober 26 years. I have some experience that I could share with a newcomer, and some, it's above my pay grade. Make sense? But I know people in this room that could help them do that, and it takes a lot of humility to understand that you don't have all the answers. As a fellowship we do. I never knew a problem that this fellowship could solve. It's a pretty cool thing to watch. They asked me if I would commit to doing certain things, and we'll talk about that tomorrow. But at the end of the day, I'm working on a four-step. I'm two weeks out, and I'm sitting on the tailgate of my truck. These guys are teaching me the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. I've got a completed four- step. I're rocking and rolling. I've found a home group. I'm there on a regular basis every day. When I got sober, I was in a meeting at my home group, and I'm sitting on the tailgate of my truck in the same apartment complex where I tried to commit suicide, and it dawns on me. I'm standing there watching the big old full moon come up, colder than hell up in North Texas, and I sit, and it dawns on me that the obsession's gone. I'm surrounded by liquor stores, Circle K, Stop & Go, blah, blah. There's a dope dealer that lives in the apartment complex where I live, and I're sitting there. It's a Friday night. I've got some money in my pocket, payday. You'll follow? I'm by myself, surrounded by it, and I don't want to use. Not, I don'T WANT TO USE. Somehow in that period of time, doing that work, up to that point, the obsession to use had lifted from me and has never returned in 26 years. Ever. And I've watched thousands of people have the same experience. A lot of those same people are afraid to talk about it in meetings because they're afraid that they're going to catch flack from the other people in a group. That's why they won't introduce themselves as recovered. They don't want to take the flack, and I'm not encouraging you to do that. I'm just trying to say. Make sense? It changed me, guys. I've got to tell you real quick. My life hadn't been perfect in 26 years with some crazy stuff, and I got fired in sobriety. I've never been fired from a job in my life. I got canned at a place over a speakerphone. I mean, how uncool is that? And, you know, we had to go through some stuff around that. And there's been some illnesses and there's been some sadness. I don't know what to tell you guys. There was a marriage that went south in that period of time. God was always there to walk me through it every time. And I didn't go into meetings ever and talk about any of that. What I did was go with my sponsor and my brothers and sisters in the room and we went out and had coffee and I talked nonstop about it. I leaned on you. I let you help me get through it. I never had to drink over it. I walked through all of that with grace and dignity. And I've got to tell you, I'm sitting in a room full of people that have done the same thing. I listen to your stories and watch you walk through that stuff. That's what we need as representative of what Alcoholics Anonymous is. It's not the problems. It's the fact that we got through it with grace иndignity. Guys, we're changed at a cellular level. Just going to a meeting is not going to do that. by working the 12 steps like we're talking about tomorrow quickly getting from A to B you're going to have an experience like you've never been any speaker any AA or any buckaroo I know out there that's relapsing all I got to do is take them to the circle triangle and I can find out what the problem was some of you will absolutely disagree no I drank because my husband left no I left because of the I got it that exacerbated it and make it worse but if you're connected spiritually you're in all three parts of this program. It doesn't mean that you're going to a meeting every day y'all understand, I'm living in the steps and I'm sponsoring 400 people. That's not what this is about. Everybody's going to have their own equilibrium. The book says equal. As long as you're on all three parks, God's going to take care of your butt. That is my experience. That is not hypothesis. That is theory. That was what Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob knew. The old expression and we'll talk about it tomorrow and I am going to wind this down. It was real clear Dr. Bob's talking about it. You know, the old expression with the old-timers used to come and talk to us and he used to say, you've got to give it away in order to keep it. You all hear it? My experience is you've Got to Give It Away to Get It. What happened to me in 1987 after this suicide attempt, guys? I was no lower than I was when that woman left me seven years earlier. I was not lower than what I was now. I was nowhere lower than where I was when I was eating out of dumpsters in Houston, Texas. None. What was different was that somebody presented the solution to me. Oh, surely somebody in seven years told... No! They didn't. They didnít say, ìWhere are you at in the steps? Can I help you do this?î They waited for me to ask the questions and I didnít know what to ask. Iím not... I got sober and stayed sober. And I sponsored a whole bunch of guys and still do, and they're having some good luck. I would like to say everybody I sponsor stays sober. They don't. You know, you win some and you lose some. You'll follow? But at night I can go to sleep and say, at least I gave it a shot. At least I tried. And again, what Myers said is so true, and tomorrow afternoon we're going to talk about it a bunch about this sponsorship business. Guys, it's not fair for some of you Let me put it a different way. I just need to thank everybody in this room that's carrying a big book, that stayed around the program and been of service. Whether you're a service junkie, we think because we do it, everybody does it. And I'm just telling you, emails from – I got an email this week from a little girl up in New Jersey, a 22-year-old girl, and the best she can come up with is a 70-year old guy to sponsor because there's no women to sponsor. And I get these emails often enough. She's not making this stuff up. She's scared to death. She wants a female sponsor. She wants somebody to do the work with her, and she can't find anybody to do it. I'm just speechless. The one thing that we're supposed to do, we don't do because we're too busy watching out for our own butt. Make sense? We're going to talk about this qualifying in the morning. We're talking about first step stuff, and I'm going to ask you guys. I know some of you guys won't be able to be here I hope you get a copy of the tape so you can see kind of where we went with it. We're going to have fun tomorrow. We're also going to do these hour sessions, and we're going add a little five-minute question and answer at the end of each session. Instead of doing it at the beginning of the day when some of you guys have got to go home with babysitters or whatever, you've got to kind of miss that. But the questions that you all answer are so telling. We're doing groups of steps at a time so that you guys can ask specific questions about that. And we think we might be able to help. if we can share anything with you that might help you be a better sponsor a more productive sponsor that's what we want to do if what you're doing is already being effective man, let this stuff go in one ear and out the other you can't get better fellowship than we're having here this weekend it's going to be the coolest let's visit and have a good time bring some notes I've got those stickers remind me tomorrow and I'll get you those little stickers if you've got your big books and you want that little circle triangle stepped in your book any guys I sponsor I always sit down with them and we go through that circle triangle just a touchstone to see where they are. I'll be more than glad to stamp that for you. Y'all good? Y'ALL HAVE A GOOD NIGHT! THANKS!