Sponsorship and Dependence on Higher Power – Step BB Workshop – Part 2 of 2 – Bob O.

God, I'm now ready that you have all me good and bad. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do thy bidding. What is the rest of it? No, that's part of the third step prayer. Yeah, take everything that stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. So, you say that and you mean it. Now, what's God take away? what he wants to take away. So you may think that part of you should be taken away and God may find that useful. And I can't explain that to you, but I'm pretty confrontive most of the time and God hasn't seen fit to remove that. although I'm willing to not be confronted but I just don't maybe that's not what I think it is maybe candid yeah, I treasure candor in other people because I treasure single agendas in other people. It's really confusing to me to get together with somebody who's got six agendas they never know what the hell one they're working on before I forget it I want to talk a little bit about dependence. The book says that we place our dependence squarely upon God. Now, what's that got to do with? We were just, during the break, we were talking about sponsorship. And some people sponsor from their egos. and that means that you will talk to them all the time tell them precisely what you're doing they will make your decisions for you and they will essentially direct your life you got a sponsor like that get rid of them they're sponsoring out of their ego if the first thing your sponsor tells you is not, place your dependence squarely upon God. I'm just another drunk. They're doing you a disservice. The thing to remember here is that sponsors are not infallible. None of us are infallable. So if I place my dependence on some other drunk, I am a fool. If I ask them, you know what sponsors are? They're guides. And that means they're going to walk with you. And if you ask them questions about their experience, they will answer you and you can benefit from their experience. But my sponsor refuses to answer questions to me about how I should live. And when I call him up and say, tell me what to do. He'll say, pray about it and do what you think. It took me two years to figure that out because we'd have these long-winded conversations and the last comment in those conversations was, why don't you pray about and do whatever you think? And after two years of that, I finally figured out that we could have abbreviated that whole conversation and gone directly to that. Remember that our dependence is squarely upon God. And I'm not trying to take off on sponsors here. I just want you to know in no uncertain terms that sponsors are guides and that they can be extremely helpful and if their intent is good especially. But if you've got one that's operating out of their ego, which is that they want to start telling you how to run your whole life, you may find that unfulfilling. And the one thing that you will not do in those circumstances is you will not learn to depend on God. And you will walk around in AA asking everybody what's the right thing to do when you ought to be out there testing the water and testing your intuitive thought to find out what you oughtto be doing. Thank you. So, the book says that we made a list of all persons who we had harmed became willing to make amends to them all We did it when we took inventory. If you write your inventory out of somebody's idiotic guide, you know, well-meaning people write little things you can put checks in. It's like filling out an order for, you know it's like It's like ordering a magazine, basically. I don't get it. If I don' t see it with some degree of clarity, what' s the point? So my opinion here, again, which is not worth anything, is that if it isn' t in the big book, I don''t want to do it. Now, that may be very close-minded in your view but it saved my life and as soon as i start doing something that somebody else designed i start running into trouble i think this program is perfect i think it's god inspired and i think anybody that tries to put his thumbprint on here is doing us all a disservice okay um and i've been able to stay sober for a long time on the basis of believing that and i'm inclined to think that if you take the same attitude which is I'm just going to do what it says, that you will get sober, you will stay sober, and you will help other people become sober. So we made this list. It's not particularly difficult. The reason why you have a sponsor in this deal is so they can give you perspective and clarity. So we go ahead and we make this list of all these people we've harmed, and then the next thing that's important is that we write down the harm. Now, I thought I knew that. Well, I just harmed him and him and her and her and him and my sponsor, when I went to review it with him because he made me review the ninth step with her, the eighth step with him, said, where's the harm? And I said, well, I must have harmed him. I mean, I was around him. And he's going, oh, you must be pretty powerful. You know, I didn't harm all the people I was around. And I don't harm them by being next to them. And sometimes I harm them in ways that I may not understand and I have to get some clarity. And there are a lot of situations that are garbaged up with my own emotions and so I cannot get clarity or perspective about what the harm was. And that's why I sit down with my sponsor and say here's what went on, here's how it went on. Here's what I think. What do you think? and then we will come to a conclusion about who I've harmed, what the harm was and how to take care of it. Now, the whole business, first of all and let's just talk about writing the list most of our amends a list will occur in our inventory which is precisely why if you write it by someone else's design you won't have that list so you short yourself that way so considering that we've done this inventory based on what the book says and we have this list of people we will find most of the harm that we have created in that now we'll probably have to add some people to it so we do that and then we get clear on what the harm is because my sponsor told me he didn't want me going out and bothering people about stuff that I made up. You know the part in the book about we can't differentiate the true from the false? It has to do with where we were and what we did, and all of a sudden, sometimes we tell ourselves the same lie so often we start believing it. And sometimes we think something happened and it didn't. And sometimes we hope something didn't happen and it did. So we go through there and we find harm in each one of those things and then we become willing to go make amends to them if we don't harm them further by making the amend. How can you do that? How can you make harm by going to make amend? Huh? Classic example is messing with somebody else's spouse. Well, I'm sorry I was in bed with your wife. And now that you know, I feel much better. Well, come on. You know, we just try and do the best we can. Some of our amends will appear to be insurmountable. sometimes we have done things which will create more harm by trying to amend. You know, amend means to change, don't you? So, so we try and find a way to balance the books. This is about bringing everything back to even, okay? This isn't about overbalancing the books so when the book talks about not bowing or scraping before anyone they're right we're not over there to be subservient do you understand we don't go in there and go beat me beat me i've been terrible that isn't what this is about this is a this the book describes our attitudes when we go into amends and the way it describes it is calm, frank, and open. That means I'm not excited or agitated. If I can help it, sometimes that's pretty tough in amends. That I'm clear. That I talk about the truth. I talk abut what really happened which is about being frank and about being open. One of the first things I do in every amend is say I'm an alcoholic like it. And this is part of the recovery process for me, and the book suggests that we do that. And I do what the book suggest. So we need to be calm, frank, and open, and then we go out and repair the damage. Now sometimes if we owe people money, you pay them back. If you've harmed them in some other manner, you try and make some sort of reparation for what you've done. You do whatever is necessary to balance the books. Sometimes people will ask you to do things that overbalance the books If they're really not very unreasonable, I will generally do them because I'm the one that created the harm and if they want a little more and it's not too offensive, I'll just go ahead and do it. if it way overbalances the books, I tell them that's unreasonable. And they went, well, you came here. And I went, yes, but that's unreasonable. Okay? So we go to these people in a helpful and forgiving spirit. And we are calm, frank, and open. And we do what we need to do. i know an awful lot of people that drank because they didn't finish their amends and they did everything else that was asked of them now i'll give you someone else's experience but then this is a friend came to me and said and person i sponsor he said i i can't make this him in. And I said, which one? And he said, well, I faked an accident when I was working on a construction company. And they spent $40,000. And he says, I screwed up my knee playing tag football. And then I faped an accident on the job. And He said, I can't to it. And I said, why not? He said, because they'll take me to jail. And I said well, should we take you to jail or would we take you to the cemetery? And he said okay and he was terrified. This is a big, strong, this is a guy that you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley before he got sober. So he went back there and he went to this company, and he said, I've harmed you. I faked an accident. You guys paid $40,000 to cover the medical expenses. I regret having done that, and I want to make it right. And the first thing out of this, when he called up and told these people he wanted to talk to him with a company that he had defrauded. They said, meet us here at such and such a time. And he was absolutely certain that the PD was going to be there. He walked in and it was the treasurer of the company and the president of the country. And when he said that he wanted to make it right, the treusurer looked at him and he said, are you in a 12-step program and he said yes and the treasurer said okay we're gonna talk about what we're going to do and you can come back tomorrow and we'll tell you and this guy called me up and said I got to go back tomorrow and I know they're going to arrest me and I'm going to end up in the state penitentiary and I said you don't know anything you know what you're afraid of but the truth is that the hardest thing about trusting God is trusting God and this is where you learn you can't learn to trust God if you never learn to trust him If you don't take that chance, if you don' t put yourself in a position of risk and allow God to pull you out of bad circumstances, you will never ever learn to trust him. So he went back the next day and he was expecting the squad cars to be in front of the office and there wasn' t one. And he walked into this office and the treasurer was standing in there and he said we' ve decided what to do and this guy said okay. the treasurer said, we would like you to contribute $400 to a charity of our choice and we want to see the receipt. Thank you very much. What the hell would have happened to this guy if he hadn't done that? See, it would have eaten his guts away until he lost his sobriety. But there's a thing in the fear inventory that talks about this. Men of faith have courage. Now, how much courage? All right? That's the question. If you're going to give me courage, give me so much that I can jump out this window and be unafraid. Okay? How much courage do you really get? Enough to get one foot in front of the other. That's it. There are some times when we have so little courage that it's almost impossible to move physically. But we have enough courage to move. And what we find is that God was there all along and that all we had to do was act. This is a program of action. Faith without works is dead. If we don't get up and participate in this and do those things that we have been asked to do in spite of our fear, we will never overcome this. There is enormous freedom in doing this and having it work because it does work. All right, so... So we go about the business of making amends. You have this list and you have the harm and you can arrange it in any order that you want but you start at the top and you go to the bottom and you just go through it in a business-like manner and one day you will be absolutely free. No, you will not as the book says have to cross the street to avoid anyone because you're clear and that day is just outrageous. I want to... Anybody have any questions about a man? Yeah. I'm from Ohio College. That's right. I've got one question. Say if you're a drug dealer, I mean, I feel like if I'm making amends with a drug dealer, that gives him more money to buy more drugs to give to kids that are, you know, negatively illicit. I mean should I give that to Terry or should I make amends with that drug dealer? Pray about it and do what you think. And I'm not being as smart as that. Well, I'm thinking that way, but what if I gave it to charity? Would that be my amends to them, Kara? If you think they're your amends, they are. I have heard that same question a dozen times. What about the money I owed my drug dealer? I know people who stole money from mafia figures and they went back and made amends. and you know what what the mafia guy told him hey I love you I see what you did give me the money back don't ever show up again so that's what he did okay I had to go make amends I was a bill collector on the north side of Chicago as a 240-pound psychopath. And so what I used to do is, and I not only collected money for loan companies, I collected money from the bank. I collected the money for bad guys. And so I would go kick in somebody's door and chase them through their house and throw them up against the wall and just keep banging them off the wall until they figured out how they were going to get the money. And I didn't care if they had to go rob a 7-Eleven. I told them I'd be back in 20 minutes and they damn well better have it or something ugly was going to happen to them. I need to go back and make amends to those people. That's fun. Oh, man. The first time I did that, I went in and I went, look, you know, you remember what I did. I just... I'm really sorry about that. I'm trying to live a different life today, and I want to do anything that's necessary to make that right. You know what that guy said to me? Stay the hell away from me. Oh, man. yes wait just first Alan then Bob how do you know the difference between the alcoholic mind when you use intuitive thoughts yes eleven steps and gradually become a working part of your mind yes how do you know the difference between intuitive and impulsive I trust it I trust it. What Alan's asking is what's the difference between intuitive thought and impulsive thought or self-directed thought? I've been doing that for so long I'm not sure of the answer I know I trust those thoughts that come to me about what to do even if they're weird I mean from my perspective or out of the ordinary um i also know when i'm just trying to get up on somebody so i think that that eventually is just the i mean that you can differentiate that over time and i that from a perspective of today and early on when i was trying to do that i was making mistakes but i came to trust what i thought this is a what alan's talking about is part of living a spiritual life and it's about part of trusting God. See, the book says that for groups, the way God speaks to us is through a group conscience. But as individuals, God speaks through our intuitive thought, which is essentially our sense of right and wrong. And sometimes you will feel compelled to go do something and it'll be out of the ordinary or uncomfortable or something like that and my inclination is to go do it. I was walking down the street in Los Angeles and this bum walks by me and I was compelled to give him money and I'm talking about damn near everything I had in my pocket which was several hundred bucks and i said excuse me and he turned around and i said here this is for you and then i walked away but i couldn't keep walking because i was too damn curious and so i turned around to see what he was up to and he was on his knees like this i don't know what that means but I know it was right and see that's weird why would you do that I don't know barking at people in meetings if you feel compelled to do it you should go do it and you learn how to trust this and you see the effects of it and you go oh that's why it happened and God was just using me as an instrument and that I've got my ego so wrapped up in the inside of this thing that I'm afraid to follow my intuition. But see, the more you do it, the more você aprende a confiar nisso. E aí quando você tem uma coisa que parece um pouco estranha, você vai fazer de qualquer forma. E aí você vê o resultado neto. É sempre bastante surpreendente. E nós ficamos adictos às experiências espirituais. Vá olhando eles. Okay? It's part of the spiritual world. It's almost like there's two worlds here, in my experience. One of them is the temporal world where we get up in the morning and go to work. And the other is the spiritual worldview. The spiritual world where мы идем и пытаемся быть в служении другим людям. И я очень счастлив сегодня потому что моя бизнес помогает инмейтам, 80% из которых это алкоголики и наркотики. and so my spiritual job and my regular job are the same what a wonderful combination so I had to be dragged into this business and it's extremely successful today and I kept denying it I kept avoiding it I kept thinking it was beneath my dignity I kept thinking that I didn't want to do it because I'd been around enough people that were causing problems and God kept saying that's what I want you to do Bob and here's what happens I go no sir and he goes go ahead Bob I really want you to do that and you go that's fine but I don't and he'll go no I'll make you do that Bob and I'll say like hell you will and he will say Bob, you let go of that or I'll take it away from you. And I'll go, why don't you go bother somebody else? And then he will rip it from my bloody fingers and he will give me something else. And three weeks later I'll be going, this is wonderful. Boy, am I glad I let go that. I didn't let go of it. It was wrenched from me, okay? And you'll get those messages sometimes. I did want to work with convicts. I just didn't. It's like no thanks. And God was saying you wanted a really good business. And I'm in a business nobody else wants to be in, okay. People know I get locked up in a room full of inmates. They go, I wouldn't do that they actually it's safest place in the city so so that's what happens anybody else want to talk about a man let's talk go ahead yes please I was trying to, I got to a point where I had to practice these principles as best I could in all my affairs. I need you guys to do a lot of clarity with my sponsors. A lot of problems with agreement, but not with clarity. And then I started to question myself. He knew an imperfect guy that tried, honestly, to be a perfect person in a perfect world, but the guy didn't quite do it. I said, well, that's a question somebody probably has to answer for themselves. That's a good question. And you live by principles, don't you? Right. Well, I had to find some principles I could live by on the other end of the spectrum. That's what I did. And I wrestled with the thing for a couple weeks, and then I called my sponsor if the wrestling match was over. And he told me, you know what, we decided yes, I'm going to quit this company in about 38 years from now. I retired, quit. Didn't know what I was going to do. I was 57 years old at the time. I'm familiar with that. And I went and I started a brand new company not to make money, I knew I couldn't sit around and think. That was in 1987. Our advertising budget in 1987 is still under $1. Our advertising budget in 1987 is still under $1. We have three employees, me and two other guys that work. One guy served 19 years, the other 18 years, right? The company has increased its net every year except one in 1987. Oh my! And all three of us, our main thing is carrying this message, The message of recovery through a spiritual awakening that can be brought about by the Twelve Steps. That is what we do, and we have evolved over the spires of faith, I think we have to share that with one another, but they haven't said it's done, it does work. I've made some errors early on, too. If you have to keep it up with that comment, it's part of the fact that... Right. ...the condition to do this stuff doesn't look very scientific, but it works. That's the only thing I doubt. That's fine. You can trust me. Right. I've written my heart. I can trust it. I don't have to mistake it. I can trustedly report it like there was other people. Thank you. Thank you? Tell me when you want a break. I don't know if you want to go. I don' t know what you want to do, but... Huh? Whatever you're comfortable with and then we'll just kind of get the rest of the way through. You want to do that? Okay. Go ahead. Which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commence this way of living as we've cleaned up the past. You all understand the promises are at the end of the ninth step? Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. At this point, that's our function. We want to become more understanding and we want to be more effective. We want us to become more effective We've entered the world of the spirit. The instructions on this stepper continue to watch for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear and when you see it ask god at once to remove it now you already know what that feels like because you learned what that feel like an inventory okay we talk to someone about it we make amends if we've harmed someone and then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help um the book says that we of cease fighting anyone or anything. Give up. You know what one of the virtues of this thing is? Quit defending yourself. Do you know what? If you know who you are, you don't have to defend yourself because you chose it. Okay? I don't want to fight anyone or anything. Fighting takes too much energy. It does. Why would I want to fight anyway? We'll seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we will recoil from it as a hot flame, as from a hot plane. Now, it's just, we react sanely and normally. yeah remember this is 10 and we will find that this has happened automatically we got this new ad toward liquor we're not fighting it neither are we avoiding temptation we feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected I've become neutral about alcohol what a blessing I can look at it. For me, it's like looking at dog food. I don't have a dog. We haven't even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. This is our experience and this is how we react as long as we keep in fifth spiritual condition. Now. I asked a guy one night, how long have you been sober? Actually, he was sober a year longer than I was. And he likes to go out and beat up people emotionally in AA meetings just to show off, show his knowledge. It's about spiritual pride. I know more about this. I'm more spiritual. I do all this stuff. You're just an idiot. That's the kind of approach he has toward it. And I said, the book says that by this point in our program that we react sanely and normally and because you don't act sanely or normally I'm assuming you have the choice and have chosen not to boy was he angry my belief is that by the time we have reached the tenth step or engaged in the tenth step that we can choose to be sane and normal. And I choose to be that. And I think if you're seeing people act in some manner that is contrary to that, that they have chosen something else. And when that's the case, I don't want to be around them. One of the beauties about knowing who you are and being able to pick your friends is that you don't have to pick vexatious people. vexatious have you ever heard the term being vexed getting angry vex that's an old word abrasive angry vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex vex You know, I've got about six or eight people that I'm really close to and I don't handle that very well. I try to and I think that there are responsibilities in being someone's friend. But I do not allow those kinds of people around me. And one guy came up and he said, we really ought to hang around together because we're in the same business. And I said, no. And he said, why not? And I said, I have no interest in that at all. And he says, why? And he asked me, why would you let him? And I answered, I don't need to explain that either. And that was the end of the conversation. Some people will try and impose themselves on you. Why would you want to let them? Most of the people who try and imposing themselves on you want something from you. They want credibility. It's like someone getting you as a sponsor, so when someone comes up and says, who's your sponsor? They can flash you in front of them, and then people think you're actually doing the work. You know, I've seen so many people ask other people to be their sponsors so they could hide behind them. And then if the sponsor isn't on the ball, they don't hold their feet to the fire. And what's the point? I mean, I don't want to be someone's sponsor in name because the only reason why I can think of being someone's sponsor is to guide them through the process. So we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear and when we see it, we ask God at once to remove it. You know how you do that? God, please remove this. I'm not kidding, right? That's how you deal with it. How do you do this? People will go, well, I'm not sure how to go about that. Well, God please remove this. And then you talk to someone about it. As I have mentioned on many occasions today, my life has been in some turmoil for the last year. I am tent-stepping my backside off every day. i call people because i lack perspective well i call up a friend actually i called up a woman and i said my ex-wife has got her boyfriend fully engaged in my kid's life is that okay because i'm thinking i ought to go over there and kill him and she goes that's perfectly normal if she is if she is vitally interested in that relationship she may want to make sure that the children see the same good side of this guy that she sees and because she wants to spend a lot of time with the children and wants to spend a lot of time with him, it's pretty normal to try and arrange things for them to do together. Oh. I'll just hurt him a little. I lack perspective. When I'm challenged by my own beliefs or by my circumstances, I have to have perspective or I'm liable to go off at right angles. And so I call these 10-step buddies. I would encourage each of you to have some. The arrangement is every time I call you, you will listen unless there's some serious circumstances to the contrary. And every time you call me, I will listen. on the same basis. And so I have three or four people that I do that to, with. And they talk to me about what they're experiencing and I talk to them about what I'm experiencing and I have daily contact with people in Alcoholics Anonymous even when I don't go to meetings. And for the most part because they are uninvolved third parties. They have good perspective. something I don't have. And I have to test the water when I am involved in these kinds of difficult circumstances. Some people won't 10-step because they're afraid of what kind of impression it's going to leave on the person that they 10-stepped with. It's like being afraid to 5th step with your sponsor. What's the point? i don't um i'm not afraid to be open about anything in my life if i'm talking to someone who's done the work nothing i i don'T I DON'T HOLD SECRETS um i'M NOT AFRAID OF HOW I LOOK I JUST AM NOT YOU KNOW IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT THEY'LL TELL ME AND IF THEY DO LIKE IT OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S ABOUT TENTH STEPPING IS ABOUT HERE'S WHAT I SEE WHAT DO YOU SEE tenth stepping is about clarity and tenth stepping is about being here now it's about get out of the past and get out to the future and get here now and keep your eyes open and see what's going on and keep your mind focused so you can see what you're up to and if you see something you don't like challenge it but it's about participating in life vigorously everyone I've ever met in my life has potential way beyond their own comprehension including me and these are people with skills and abilities that far exceed what they're involved in and what they need is clarity and purpose to go do that see what you get out of the out of learning the truth about yourself is the ability to challenge life god didn't make us sober so we could sit in a corner with our thumb in our backside god made us soberso we could go out and become active and effective human beings and if you don't know what your skills are yet you haven't tried enough stuff and just because you haven't done it doesn't mean you can't do it and if your life has been unproductive this far it's because you're unwilling to go out there and participate so you want to know what's really fun go challenge life good get out in the middle of it and risk and see what you're capable of and i will guarantee you that you're all capable of more than you can imagine you know i part of the process this weekend for me and next week is i am rewriting all the goals in my life you know why you have goals because if you don't have a target you don t hit anything okay if you dont have any goals you wander around in life getting what s left over and if you re sitting there believing that somehow because you re an alcoholic or you haven't achieved what you wanted to do so far, go out there and do it. What the hell are you afraid of? You afraid of looking bad? That's what most people are afraid of. I'll tell you the secret of the ages. Nobody's looking. They aren't. They're so caught up in their own stuff, they can't see you. Make life an adventure. Truly make it an adventure Go out there and try things that other people are so terrified of doing that they canít get one foot in front of the other. You know, I go out and start new businesses and start New Projects and people go, ìHow do you do that?î And I tell them, ìI just go do it.î And they go, I can't imagine. Aren't you afraid? And he goes, sometimes. They go, then why do you do it? And I went, see if I can do it. You know, God gives us the ability to go do this thing and then we cower in the corner. And if you've found the truth in this and you've been through this process, which is you've done all 12 steps just once at least, you can go out and challenge life effectively and you will amaze your friends by your courage and your production and your ability. So anyway, we watch for this stuff and we know what that looks like because we learned it in inventory and then we talk to someone about it and we make amends if we've harmed someone and then they say, And then we do what's pivotal in the 10th step and the pivotal point in the10th step is to resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Resolutely. with emphasis turn our thoughts to someone we can help it does not say go help someone it says think about helping them and you go well that's kind of that's kinda funny aren't you supposed to go out there and help them maybe but it says turn your thoughts to him and the reason why we turn our thots to him is we automatically turn away from ourselves cells when we do it right so we learn how to do that ten steps about being in the present moment okay that's what it's about and it's about getting out of self hi and it also about having a new relationship with alcohol if today I came into Alcoholics Anonymous someone would have said that I will become neutral about alcohol I would have told them they were smoking some funny stuff because I have never been neutral about alcohol and today I am neutral about outcome it just doesn't come up anybody want to talk about 10 I was just wondering, are some people's 10-step carpet cleaners so weak that they have to write a new story every year? I don't mean that. You know, people who've been in the fourth step once and then they settle up in 12. I've been both hands for eight and a half years. The danger in this program is the resurgence of self. I can't kill it. I beat it senseless, but I can kill it And as a consequence, my ego rebounds. And over time, it will become powerful again. And that somehow I have to find a way to deflate it because my ego will kill me. So I'm in the camp that says that I am not so faultless in the 10-step process that I can catch everything I'm up to. and periodically what i need to do is i renew i need to renew all this stuff and the first thing i do is i go back to the first step now well i've been sober since 1973 what the hell do i need a first step for first thing that i look at is it am i really an alcoholic people go oh god i want to look at that i've already decided that long time ago don't even bring it up well wait a minute do i today believe that I'm an alcoholic? Am I willing to believe that I am not? That's dangerous, huh? Uh-uh. Am I willing to believe that I am not an alcoholic and I have been deluding myself for 29 years? Yeah. Except there is overwhelming evidence to the contrary. And the fact that I somehow have metamorphosed from being an alcoholic to a non-alcoholic in this period of time is the height of absurdity. Doesn't happen. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. So I believe that I need to periodically deflate my ego. That I need to challenge what I believe. I pick up beliefs. I believe this. You need to wear that stuff like a loose coat because the truth changes over time. The only truth that I've seen that is absolutely constant through my whole sobriety is God is. That's constant. That has never changed. Everything else is. Eleven's about discipline. I don't think many people do it talks about what we do at night when we review our day and whether we put more into it than we've taken out you see right here in the book see this see where my books worn out right on the 11th step and that's because I read the instructions for years. When we retire tonight, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should have been discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving towards all? What could we have done better? Were wir thinking of ourselves most of the time, or were we thinking of what we could do for others of what мы could pack into the stream of life. But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection because that would diminish our usefulness to others. Sometimes it's hard if you had a day where you didn't do real well to drift in to worry, remorse and morbid reflections. Oh hell, I'll never get this right. I really screwed up. Da-da-da. It's useless. It's the best you could do today, so you try and do better tomorrow. After making our review, we ask for God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures can be taken. Should God? Please forgive me. Show me what correctives measures should be taken, that simple, right? awakening we think about the 24 hours they had we consider our plans for the day can't do that unless you got some plans so I write those the night before I write them a night before I go to bed all right 10 or 12 things that I want to do tomorrow you know this is the best business procedure you can imagine because you write down everything you want to do and then the next day you You have all these things to do, and what happens is essentially the net result of all of this, because the plans don't always work, is that you get up with a plan in the morning which is the first thing you don't think is what the hell is going to happen today. And the second thing that happens is you are focused on what you want to do. You've got targets, and you're out there doing them. As soon as you getup with an idea of what you're going to do your anxiety level goes down about 50% when you have a plan. Because otherwise, you feel like you are subjected to whatever whim comes along during the day. You see? So you have this plan and you get up and you go do it as much as you can. And sometimes I don't get any of it done. And the day gets interrupted by other things and that's fine. But I had a plan when I started. And Sometimes I carry over because some of my plan for the day includes things I want to do every day. It's always on my 11-step list. Try to make someone's life better every day Be happy Now, why would you do that? Absolutely You know what? I forget it's a choice And so I get so damned intense that I forget that I can be happy. And I love to be happy, but I forget to do it. Carry the vision of God's will into all your activities. That's in the tenth step. So sometimes you can segment your day out. And if you're driving to work, you say, during the time when I'm driving to work, I'm going to carry God's will into all my activities. The vision of God's will into my activities, driving to work, whatever that means. Which means I'm not going to get in somebody's face or give them the finger or whatever it is because I get cut off in traffic or whatever. I'm just going to try and carry the vision of god's will. And when I get to work I will segment out another portion of my day and say how do I carry the vision of gods will into what I'm doing here. And I try and keep that constant through the day as part of the tenth step. We consider our plans for the day. Sometimes I rewrite my plans in the morning because I think of extra stuff I want to do. That's fine. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, and self-seeking motives. That's what you say, God. Please direct my thinking. Especially that it be divorced from self pity, dishonesty, and self seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance for after all God gave us brains to use. We are not mindless automatons. We're not robots. We are in God's army, but God gave us brains to use. And one of the things... Well, there's more about that. Our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives and thinking about the day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, intuitive thought, or decision. God I feel like a broken record please give me inspiration and intuitive thought or a decision we relax and take it easy we don't struggle a lot of people when they get in these positions where they don't know what to do they get hyper God's going to tell you what to just relax so you can hear it incidentally in my experience God doesn't whisper if you're listening intently to hear some faint sound coming to you as a message from god you're wasting your energy god wants you to know something i guarantee you you're going to know it we are often surprised how the right answers come when we've tried this for a while what used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. We've been talking about that for a while. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it's not probable that we're going to be inspired at all times. It implies that we are going to be inspired part of the time. And it also implies that as our experience grows, we will be inspired more of the time. We may pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it. And I have. And, you know, you've got to go through the process. It's like learning how to catch a football or anything else. You've gotto go out there and practice it to find out what it feels like. We usually conclude this period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we're given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others may be helped. We're careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us waste a lot of time doing that. So there is a description of what we do in the evening as we retire and what we don't do. What we do on the morning upon awakening. Now I used to... I wake up wired. I mean, I don't need coffee. I wake up wired in. My inclination is to jump out of bed and I won't let myself jump out of bed until I do the 11th step. That's the way I force myself to do it. This is about discipline. The book says in this way God disciplined us. And then it talks about attitudes. Thy will not mine be done and I'm not running the show anymore. I know a guy that had one of those little watches that beeped every hour and every time that thing beeped, he said, I will not buy and be done and I'm not running the show anymore just to remind himself what he was supposed to be thinking about. The book says we pause when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action. That's a wonderful exercise and you can teach yourself to do it. And the way you do that, you know what agitated or doubtfulness feels like? You know, people make a lifestyle out of that if I get agitated I know what it feels like I didn't and it has to do with either emotionally or physically stepping back sometimes if I'm confronted I'll do that I'll just back up emotionally or physically and say God give me the right thought or action yeah I need to know what's going on here. Show me what's happening. Show me what to do. And I can do that in a matter of seconds and your intuitive thought will tell you what to do most of the time and it really is a good way to stay out of trouble because my inclination has always been if somebody gets in my face, I get closer. And if you challenge me, I'll give you a good reason why that's a mistake. and that's not the right thing to do. You know, it's answering aggression with aggression. Not a very useful thing. So, I would be amazed if 10% of the people in Alcoholics Anonymous do that. And I don't know why that would come as any surprise to anyone in this room. It's like any other part of this program. there are enormous benefits in submitting to the process. There is clarity, this is understanding, there is effectiveness. There are all sorts of benefits to having done this. And I don't want to sell you on it, and none of us do this perfectly. It's almost a joke around my home group about how some of us fall off of that track every once in a while. And we stay off it. And we're usually driven back by some sort of problem. So, as useful as it is, I don't see a lot of people doing it and I would certainly encourage all of you to do it. And if you do it for a while, you'll see the benefit of having done it. So let's talk about 12. So we carry this message to other alcoholics. What message? What are you carrying? Huh? Yes. So you've got this new person there, and you want to carry the message to them. Well, what do you say? yep what's the next one how are you done right then what okay you can say that any way that you can see that effectively okay we each have a different way of approaching that I suppose you don't have to live that way you don't have to feel that way, you don t ever have to drink again. And I can tell you that there are a lot of us in this room that were in as dire straits as you are and we don t drink anymore and our lives have changed and we would be willing to show you how to do that. Okay? But then you better know what you re doing. First thing you do is you sit them down and you explain the 12 steps to them that's the first thing and then you ask them if they want to do it and if they do here's the deal here's what I tell people and you certainly can choose to tell people whatever you want I tell them this is the deal I will guide you through this process and I will teach you everything that I can teach you about what I know know about this process in sobriety. Your responsibility is to show up on time, every time. My responsibility is that you be available each time that you show up if you continue to do that. So if you maintain your interest and you have agreed to do this and you show up without fail. I will try with every fiber of my being to help you get sober. If at some point you lose interest, I'm out of here. If it's sometime you change your mind, I am My life is full. I have wonderful things to do with my kids, but I will take time away from a busy life to help save your life if you're willing to do it. And as soon as you lose interest, all deals are off. Now one of the things that I do that other people don't do sometimes is I tell them this is the other thing that you need to understand. if you ever, ever take a drink while I'm sponsoring you I will never, ever sponsor you again. Oh my. You know why? You know on the doctor's and I can't remember in the front of the book there somewhere it talks about people seeing other people drinking and then it says drinking with impunity. Alcoholics we all think that we can operate with impunity. Impunity means without consequence. And what I'm telling these people is you may think there are no consequences, but the consequence that you can count on as sure as the seasons is that I will never ever sponsor you again under any circumstances. And that may not be a big thing to you, but if you choose to drink, you can guarantee that that's going to happen. Okay? That's the deal. And then we sit down and we start at the forward of the first edition and we do everything and sometimes I do it right with them. And I will stay there, hell or high water, till they're done. And that's my responsibility. I think that practicing spiritual principles in all our affairs is difficult. Sometimes it's just too easy to take advantage of people, and sometimes it looks like a good deal and it's not. And sometimes we have these opportunities to get over on people, but that's not the right thing to do. And if I am truly living a spiritual life, my sole responsibility is to do something that will improve the life of that person and help them recover from alcoholism. That's my responsibility. I have been given the gift of clarity about this program, and it is my responsibility to communicate that clearly with the people that I help. you have a choice about how engaged in this you want to be. It scares me when the book says half measures availed us nothing because ideally they would avail us half. But it says if you only do it half-assed, you don't get anything. So it means I have to be fully engaged. If I am fully engaged, an awful lot of questions come up. And the questions have to do with who am I really? What has God got in mind for me? What am I capable of? What are my talents? How far can I carry this? Does it work in business? Does It work in relationships? Does it work in every area of my life? Spiritual life isn't a theory. We've got to live the spiritual life. And that means we take this into every area of our life, even when it's difficult. It's most difficult in relationships in my experience. And if we get knocked down, we get up. And if you think that you're going to go sliding through this like it's some kind of happy time, you're wrong. You are going to face life's difficulties whether you like it or not. The trick is you will come through it unscathed. We have this enormous opportunity to be part of the legions of God. And God will give us the ability to become things that we never dreamed of. You all know who you'd like to be. you all have dreams you want to go chase them you can do it with a clear mind you can deal with you can go and do them with God on your side and God will generally give you things that are better than anything you've ever asked for what are you going to do what kind of message are you gonna carry you gonna stand up for yourself you gonna stay stand up for this program Are you going to practice what you preach? What do you stand for? What are you going to do? You got the courage to go do this? I hope so. Think about it. Thanks a lot. I'm glad you were here because I'm really happy I was here. Thank you.