Identifying With Similarities – 12 Step Workshop Weekend – Part 3 of 4 – Theresa F.

Yay! All right, what do we got going on here? Okay. We good? I gotta... You need me to be talking the mic? Okay. Good morning, my name's Teresa, I'm an alcoholic. Teresa! How y'all doing? Like big book study. Ooh, ooh, okay. I always start off Big Book Sunday like that. Stretch, get ready. Here we go. Can we start out with the serenity prayer? God, grant me the serentity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thank you. We're going to go through the steps. I'm going to utilize the big book And I may also refer to the 12 and 12 We'll be looking up words in the dictionary And if you We're going to have questions And we'll be taking a couple of breaks It's good to stretch out And let your brain decompress for a minute And also If I'm gonna ask from time to time When I'm looking up Words in the Dictionary If you need it Translated in Swedish No, it's not called Swedish Swedish Yeah Because I also feel, you see, Spanish is my first language. And there are certain things that when you translate it in English, I don't feel it the same, the way I understand it in Spanish. Or there are certainly words in Spanish that you can't really explain it in English. So if that's available to you, I want you to be able to take it in. What I learned about the 12 and 12 and the big book, that it was personal and that it wasn't as technical, that it's something that I needed to experience through my heart. And then as I read it and studied it, that I studied it for me. So someone always said, don't let anybody else read the big book for you. And so even though I attended meetings, we have 12 and 12 meetings, big book studies or listening to someone else read it, I need to read it for myself. And so we'll take our time. I'm not in a rush, because we all plan on being sober for a while. And this is a process of uncovering, discovering, and discarding. So I understand that how I understand the work today will change tomorrow, right? Because our consciousness changes, my understanding, my experience changes. So I don't take everything so literal in that sense. It's just the way it is, and there's no... I got to keep an open mind. And so each person is free to explore and understand it the way they need to for right now. So it really doesn't matter how much time you have, if you're old, if your new in the middle. Just hopefully as I'm going through it and sharing it based on my experience that again, you're able to identify with similarities not differences. That is the greatest thing that has helped me in Alcoholics Anonymous. Not get caught up in the literal story, but the feelings I identify with. For example, I haven't been to jail. Jail is a yet for me. And I used to hear the word yet means you're eligible too. So even though I haven'T been to jaiL, that does not mean that that is not something that will never happen. Perhaps one day it will. So because of that, when someone is sharing about jail, I listen to the similarities of the feelings to be able to identify what they're talking about. I've been in bondage. I've Been In A Place That I Couldn't Get Out And I Wanted To And That's What I'm Listening For. I May Not Have Iron Bars But I Know What That Is To Be Somewhere And You Want To Get Out And You Can't. I Know It Is To Being Somewhere Where You Feel Restricted And The Freedom Is Taken away and how uncomfortable that is or someone else dictating what I should do with my life and I don't have the power to make choices. And that's the similarity. And I know what that feels like. So therefore now I do the nod with the other alcoholic who's been in jail because I get it, which then helps me in what way? It helps me because I don'T want to go to jail now because I know What it feels like I DON'T need to go To jail to find out what you were talking about, because you did it for me. So I go cool, I don't want to go there. So I think I'm gonna keep coming back. So I hope that you're able to apply that as we go through the book and the steps. Because it's a workshop, I'm just going to kind of braise over them, I guess like a little summary to give an idea. Because certainly it's broken down in the book so intense that we'll be here Like for days, if we really went through each step, just kind of like dug our teeth into it. So I'm nervous as usual. Again, I don't really like talking to people in front of people. But here we are. And I get to stay sober as a result of it. I always like to begin going into the book by the very first page. I like to take everybody there, which is the cover page. Here. Everybody can go here. The cover. Anybody at the cover? You need a book? Anybody need a book? Do we have some books to share with anybody? At least temporary. You can't write in it, but you can follow. Are there any books over there? Okay. Just can't write in it or anything unless you want to purchase it. She needs one. Do you want one? She over here? Nicole. Oh, you want to share? Okay. Anybody else book? Did we find a book in Swedish? A big book? Okay. Anyone have one? No? Okay. Hi. I'm like everybody needs to have a big book that's scary all my sponsees poor thing as soon as I start talking I'm page so and so they scramming around looking for their book you don't know what your big book is it's not a coaster what you doing i had one sponsor she couldn't find it i was just reading and reading talking so she went online so you always can find the big book online so that was funny as i was talking it was in hawaii she was like okay i'm with you so the cover page everybody there right here always thought i always start out going into book here they told me open it up to the very first page, cover page is blank, correct? That means you don't know nothing. They told me to read that. They said, read that I said, it's blank. They Said exactly. You don't know nothing So we look at that for a few minutes. I tell people let's read that shall we so that you look at the blank page, not close your eyes. I'm not asking you to go into a meditative state. I am asking you to look at the blank page so that you can let go everything you think you know, everything you think you believe that you can set aside so that you can have an open mind to a new experience. It doesn't matter how many times I go in this book, I go in with a new experience as though I never read it before. It doesn't matter what happened before you got here. It doesn'T matter what's going to happen when you leave here. Only right now, this moment. Leave your resume and your IQ at the door. We're not interested. I don't care how brilliant you are. You're not that brilliant because you're in AA. couldn't work that one out could you so so let's just take a few minutes to read our blank page Thank you. Thank you. And let's take a deep breath in and out. All righty. Let's see where we get started. I want to first start, you know what I have? You guys have the fourth edition, right? So you help me out. I've got my third. but uh forward to the first edition tells me exactly what this book is for originally what's funny originally the book used to have they don't have it anymore because i think we learned we lost the trademark but in the very beginning of the book where it says alcoholics anonymous it says the story of how thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism the story of how not just the story but how many thousands of men and women have recovered ed from alcoholism and i want us to look up look up recovered for me wendy recovered and they used to have the circle we have the cycle in the third edition and the circle of the circle in the triangle and it says unity service and recovery but they've taken it out in the fourth edition i think we lost the trademark but i like that circle recover regain possession uh use control return to a healthy consciousness or to a normal state or position obtained or secure by a legal process so what's the return to the consciousness again Return to health, consciousness, or to normal state or position. Return to health and a conscious... So that means that these thousands of men and women have returned to health. They don't stay sick. I need to say that. Because we get that a little twisted. We walk around here still sick. And if you're still sick then we're missing something. I'm an alcoholic, but it says alcoholism, which is kind of interesting. That is saying we recovered from drinking. Alcoholism, which is spiritual, physical, and mental state. That's why you have unity, recovery, and service, the three legacies of our program. We were gained and restored to health. Thousands of men and women, and how? And I don't know about you, but that gave me hope. The very beginning of this book gave me hope. This is how they did it. And I don't know about you, but I wanted to be restored. Somebody restore me. Do something. Because what I'm doing ain't working. That's the very beginning of this work. And this is how they did It. Now they pretty much say, I don' t know what you're going to do, but this is what we've done. And this Is our experience. In which I love It. It's not their opinion, It's their experience. how thousands, and it's real funny. They'll say actually when Bill did this, he put in thousands because it sounded better, but it was really hundreds. But it sounded juicier. Thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism. Then it also says Alcoholics Anonymous, World Service, Inc., New York City. I got 1976. What you got? 2001. 2001. I got the third edition. Also, I'd like to point out the beginning of the book before i get into it they have other books they have these other books listed i learned in the big book everything was important the entire book the pages didn't type on it just to have them there just to kind of fill in the blanks so these are the books i have listed is the 12 steps and 12 traditions alcoholics anonymous comes of age as bill sees it dr bob and the good old timers pass it on booklets came to believe and living sober what else you have uh daily reflections experience strength and hope aa in prison inmate to inmate came to belief so that means these are other books i need to get like any textbook when we read a textbook in school they give us reference books and it's important that I get those books. They have them listed there for a reason. You want to find out more about who you are and what you are and what your doing? We got it in other books. Just thought I'd make a little FYI of that. So if you don't have that in your library, I think there's a table over there. I hope you have some of them. You might want to get them. It's available to you. Okay, I just want to go over real quick. Forward to the first edition. I got X-I-I. What do you got? This is the foreword as it appeared in the first printing of the first edition in 1939. We have Alcoholics Anonymous of more than 100 men and women who have recovered, E.D., from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Seemingly hopeless state of mind and body What's seemingly? I like looking up words. Webster keeps me humble. I think I know what it means. I have seemingly apparent but perhaps not real. Apparent but perhaps not real, so I may feel like I have a hopeless state of mind and body, but really I don't. Isn't that cool? I think I'm all jacked up, but really, I'm not. A seemingly hopeless state of mind embody. There is hope. Once I come from, I thought there was no hope, but they're telling me there is hope it appears as though you're hopeless, but you're not your experience may tell you that maybe you're hopeless because you've tried everything possible and it hasn't worked out but perhaps there's a better way a way in which now you have hope mind and body my mind and my body it says to show other alcoholics and it's an italic Anything that's in italic is very important. That's why they put it in italics. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered. Precisely, what's that? Accurately expressed, definite, exact. this is exactly the way they have recovered how they have recovered meaning they didn't write this book about something that sounded good but they did something else which is important to me that's why i'm particular about how people tell me how they have recovery have thousands of men and women recovered the way you did i don't have room for chances i don'T HAVE THAT KIND OF SPARE ROOM I DON'T HAVE ROOM FOR OOPS OH MY GOD THAT DIDN'T WORK UH-OH I DONT HAVE THE LUXURY OF THAT SO THIS IS REFRESHING FOR ME WHEN IT SAYS PRECISELY HOW WE HAVE THIS IS EXACTLY HOW THEY DID IT I don't know about you, but that's important to me. It says the italics in the Swedish translation are not there. Really? So it's just typed regular? Yeah, just regular. Oh, I guess they thought that that wouldn't really capture you. That's a good idea. Okay. No, but you don't do that in Swedish. Oh, you don' t do italics? Not unless it's a quotation. Oh, do they have it like that, quotations? No, but if you're, for instance, referring to a book title in the text, then you have time. Oh, I see. To stress something. Really? You can. How exciting. Oh, so underline it. No, no, but it's not true. You can do that. But underline it then. If you don't have it in that book, underline it. Yeah? Because that's a very important piece. Precisely like exactly how they did it you know that's not something that i can just brush through oh this is how they Did It that's nice it's like this is exactly how we did it maybe they weren't quite sober when they were translating she's serious look at her face she was like that ain't funny i'm serious It says is the main purpose of this book Is why they have it in italic The main purpose Of this book is to tell you how Exactly how they did it Is the main focus of this Book so if you want to know exactly How they did that is the purpose Of this There was a time that they saw They had was this book All you had was the big Book when Bill and dr bob in the first hundred they would send this big book out to people in a village in a town in a country that had no aa meetings had nobody all they got was this book it talks about an vision for you so that in this book you're able to go through this exactly the way they did it and recover just with the book you have it in the jails today there are places today that's all they got is the book. And then from the book, they gathered together and began helping other people and found one another. And that's why now we're in 90 countries and you have thousands and thousands of meetings all over the world. But it started out just with this book. Now that doesn't mean that today we just take the book and I don't need to go to meetings. I don' t need to talk to nobody. Let me just make that clear. People are like, Teresa to say we just need the book. Because it's about one drunk talking to another and that's how it must room but it started with just the book but this is the main purpose of the book I'm reading this so that we understand why are we going through the steps in this book because it's in the book because this is how they did it. The steps are outlined in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Bill did the 12 and 12 after he was 15 years sober. The purpose of the 12 and 12 was to give everyone, including the general public, an idea of what the 12 steps were because a lot of people didn't know what are the 12 sets? What does this program do? And he came up with the 12th and he had 15 years of sobriety by that time. And when he did it, if you read the 12and12, it's just the same thing that's in the big book. He just elaborates a little bit more that's about it it wasn't like 15 years later he found out a whole new idea of the steps it's the same exact thing for them we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further love that word what's that word authentication how you say that Authentication will be necessary. So convincing, what's convincing? Firmly persuade. FirmLY persuade. And no further... You got authentication? Proof. Proof? Undisputed origin, genuine, reliable or trustworthy. Reliable or trustworthy, undisputable origin, right? Thanks. These pages will prove so convincing. that means that I don't need to change nothing it's so convincing what do I need to change it won't be necessary doesn't need to be altered I don' t need to add to it that's important for me I don''t need to change it I got the kind of mind that I can read this and go that don't sound right I don'T think so you know what I'm not going to do that part I think I'm going to do this other part. My cousin explained, she said, tell me this story. She says you love her cake. It's called the Sunshine Cake. That's her name, Sunshine. She makes this beautiful sunshine cake and you come to her house and you have a peach. You go, I love this cake. Can I have the recipe? She writes out the recipe for you. You go home and you look at it and you go, mmm, eggs. I don't really like eggs. I think i'm going put something else instead. Milk? Eww. I'm lactose intolerant. Milk makes my stomach turn. That's very uncomfortable. I don't like the taste of milk. I'm going to add water. Flour? Ooh, that's messy. Messes up the kitchen. You start changing her recipe. When you're done, you don't have sunshine cake. You got some other cake. The same thing with the program. I followed the recipe because this is precisely how they did it. I don't need to change it. You can change it, but I don' t know if you' re going to get the same results. And I want their results. We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Will help everyone to better understand, that includes the non-alcoholic the family members the wives, the employers co-workers, neighbors friends to better understand the alcoholic including the alcoholic to better understand myself because I'm confused about what's wrong with me many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person including me I have a disease that tells me I don't have it I won't dare say that I'm sick oh no later on in chapter to the wives it's funny how the wife says we always said our husbands were sick we didn't realize how close to the truth we were we thought it was a different kind of sick it says many do not comprehend many do not understand that the alcoholic is sick if I understand that I'm very sick then perhaps I'm not trying to figure out how to make myself okay it's like having this horrible disease and I don't want to accept that I have this disease I can't go get treatment if I don'T want to accept the fact that I HAVE diabetes why would I go get incident? Why? I don't have diabetes. I can eat apple pie all day long. It's until I accept the fact that I have diabetes, I go to the doctor and I follow the doctor's prescription. It doesn't say anything in here that I half to like being sick. It just says to understand that I'm sick. Is a little different. And besides, we are sure that our way of life has its advantages to all. Their way of Life. They say their way of LIFE has its disadvantages to all that's important that I start out with that so that we understand what we're doing. Then when we go into these steps is not just some cute little thing for us to do. And it also emphasizes the importance of the steps because this is how they did it. This is how They recovered. I don't know about you, but I want to recover. I didn't want to hang around here going. I'm so sick. My life is just miserable. I can't drink anymore. That's such a the wives call it a killjoy. The worst thing to do is to be around an untreated alcoholic. Scary. Or I want to go take it to the bar and buy you a drink so bad. Scary an untreated alcoholic. You're welcome, though. We can't throw you out of AA, but my goodness, we'd be praying for you. We practice a lot of patience and tolerance around here with the untreated alcoholic. We like him to keep coming back. Poor thing. Lord, we want you to be happy one day. I'm opening up for questions Any questions of what I just covered Questions I'm curious about one thing In the beginning The alcoholics didn't have anyone Like you You break down the book for them You know what I mean Like we have right here How did they manage How did They see this How did They see it coming they had me and charlie did they do like this like have meetings and bill sat down and break it down like later on they did a lot of people would send for bill and build a lot of traveling uh especially on the 12 traditions later on when they came out to help the groups people because it's it made them available what they said earlier on also in the book was that I hope that you can send us letters as about, about your experience. So they wrote a lot to Bill and the first hundred people asking a lot of questions. So, they did a lot of correspondence. Uh, they also, the grapevine came out later, which people had an opportunity to learn from one another through the grapevine. And people began starting groups among themselves. But it tells me earlier on in the foreword that this is what actually ended up happening. Uh. Later on, I'm just going to read it to you, but it says AA group grew by leaps and bounds. I'm on the end of the forward of XX for this, for this. There were two principal reasons, the large numbers of recovery and the reunited homes. These made their impressions everywhere. Now this is the numbers they gave me of alcoholics who came to AA and really tried 50% got sober at once, 50%, and remained that way. 25% sobered up after some relapses, and among the remainder, those who stayed on with AA showed improvement. Other thousands came to a few AA meetings and at first decided they didn't want the program, but great numbers of these, about two out of three began to return as time passed. And they started to have meetings. So the beauty of this program is that it's a daily living and a practice. So when someone took the book, they began to do what was written and their experience, and they began practicing it. I think that for them, the dedication and the commitment to doing that because of their desperation and honest desire to want to stop drinking allow them to focus more on what was written as opposed to today we can get lost kind of in the meetings so i see it as a different time and a different place where this is all i got and so i'm going you know i mean i'm just like eating this like air and so immediately after they've done all this and they get to 12 they're running out looking for another drunk like in hospitals and bars and just kind of like i help you people because it says here you know, that I got to help you as well as I'm excited because something's happened to me. That's what happened to Bill. And then eventually the numbers grew and some people probably went to the book and drank again and that was okay too. It's funny in a chapter working with others it says that you should loan your book to somebody. How many people have done that? We don't want to give up our book. It says we're supposed to loan our book, loan it to this new friend and let him read it. We're scared we might not get it back. so i hope that answers your question that people i think there was a sense of desperation uh where they immediately was like i'm gonna do whatever this is and see what happens and i'm sure some didn't make it and that was okay and some did are you out in any treatment centers doing this do i do treatment centers uh no i do a big book study every Sunday morning at 11 a.m., and treatment centers come to the big book study. Wow. Yeah. Because if the treatment center is, I think many treatment centers would just, you know, go to hell if people knew how much health you have in this world. Really? There are some treatment centers in the Los Angeles area, and they're still going to hell. There's some places that'll tell you they paid $30,000 for a big book. Alcoholism, as I begin reading the book, alcoholism is an insidious disease. It's amazing to me. Even equipped with this information, we still get loaded. There are some treatment facilities that aren't 12-step models. And today there are treatment facilities that have at least planted the seed and and i believe in planting the seed that later on in the step 12 and working with others it tells me i am not on a crusade nor am i a reformer and we're not looking to reform people and people don't become charity projects uh where i need you to recover i just need to focus on what i'm doing and i was in a treatment facility i went to the 12-step mini house, there was 20 women. And they told me out of the 20 women, only one of you are going to stay sober. And do you know what? I'm the only one. Now, I don't think I wanted it more than any other women that were there. I don'T remember me having a worse situation than them or even more dedicated. I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT WAS THE CASE, BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE. SOME HAVE RETURNED JUST LIKE THE NUMBERS. SOME have died. I sponsor one of the women I was in a recovery home with and it's all good so I hope that helps it's all good any more questions before we get in we're gonna jump right into step one yes as well it was for us to understand the steps further and more in depth, as well as for other people to understand more. What do we do? People ask a lot of questions. What is AA exactly? And what are these 12 steps and 12 traditions? And so Bill wrote them out in more detail, especially the 12 traditions, which has saved us. The 12 traditions has saved Alcoholics Anonymous. That's my opinion and what I've heard because the Washingtonians and you had the Oxford group, you had a lot of other groups that were doing similar thing. And what the area in which they failed was the structure that the 12 traditions have given us. You imagine a bunch of drunks trying to run stuff? How scary that would be. I love the 12 Traditions and the 12 Traditions has helped me also to apply those to my life. In my work, in my family. i love the 12 traditions it helped me to keep coming back to hey why would it cave in here without the traditions this would have been so dysfunctional this would've been a mess i can have that in my house i like we're all trusted servants you know you can't run nothing nobody's in charge no dues or fees like this has amazed people how much an organization like this has grown all over the world different races denomination religious practices it's amazing that doesn't happen that's the miracle miracle is something that's unexplainable this is unexplain able we're a group that don't normally mix what are we doing in here with each other we're talking to one another you know what i'm saying that's crazy it's because of the 12 traditions. That's nice.