Physical Allergy and Mental Obsession – Workshop – the Lost Tapes – Part 1 of 8 – Mark H.

Mark, imagine yourself going into a liquor store, buying booze and see what would happen. And I did that. It was an interesting exercise. I pull up to the liquor store. I already had a cooler in my car and a glass about three times bigger than this full ice. And I went in the liquor story and I used to like to drink vodka and grapefruit juice when I felt it necessary. and i said to the man i want a half gallon of absolute vodka i didn't say a pint and i didn't see a fifth i said a half gal didn't blink an eye paid for it i was a little nervous walking out what would my friends in a say right i get out to my car and i pop that cork and i filled that glass up and took a drink and you know what i realized i don't have the slightest idea where i'd be in one hour let alone in 10 days see i needed to get in touch with 11 years five months away from a drink alcohol mark what would happen to you if you put alcohol back in your system again those you've been sitting there for a while i want you to think about something else i realized snapped in one day my alcoholic ego actually thinks it knows what the day looks like when i'm going to take a drink again you know what it says circumstances are bad or she left you or he died or you lost a job. You know what I've come to understand? You know when I'm in the greatest danger? Probably when it's going fantastic. My ego also wants me to think that because I got a lot of distance between me and a drink, there's a lot of distance between me and my next drink. You know what the work showed me last time? Those of you who got some time between you and alcohol think about this. what i saw this time through the work is the more distance i have between me and my last drink the closer i am to my next drink what my alcoholic ego does around this thing called alcoholism is absolutely incredible turn over to the next page xxvi this is one of the most important paragraphs in the doctor's opinion It says, we believe, and so suggest a few years ago, the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. That the phenomena craving is limited to this class and never occurs in an average tempered drinker. Highlight the word never. These allergic types can never safely use the alcohol in any form at all. Give me a volunteer. Ram, I'm going to ask you a question. Did you form the habit of drinking alcohol and found you couldn't break it? Did you lose your self-confidence? Did you loose your reliance upon things human? Did your problems pile up in you? Did they become difficult to solve? That's how I turn statements into questions. He answered yes to every one just like I do every time. We tested this down at Corpus Christi last week. I was doing this with a bunch of people. We had some people in the room who didn't have our illness. I asked them the same questions. You know what this woman said to all those questions? No, no, no. You know why? Because she's not allergic to alcohol when she puts it in her body. You understand? You see the series of questions we went through? If you're sitting in this room and when you take a drink of alcohol, You answer yes to these questions, you are powerless over alcohol physically when it is in your body. And in the doctor's opinion, we are told that will never ever go away. Let me read something. And I'm going to mention the name because this is newspaper clipping, so this is public information. I'm not breaking anyone's anonymity. actor don johnson is being treated for drinking as publicist said after making a mess of himself on a miami radio show while promoting a planet hollywood opening last week johnson slurred words and he swore at his hosts who asked him not to use dirty words i can do whatever i want the actor responded i'm rich i'm famous and i'm bigger than you when he threatened to slam the host one of them piped up and said you don't know how fast we'll beat bleep you pretty boy said johnson's publicist don was sober for 10 years at some point last year he decided he could handle an occasional glass of wine with dinner he can't that is an awesome article that speaks to me of the disease of the body and mind 10 years away from alcohol and let's assume he's done the work if you've done the word you know you absolutely know you can never put alcohol in because you'll break out in craving. But we're going to find out having that information doesn't keep us away from a drink either. I want to read one other article, also in the paper. 37-year-old man, married, two kids, did make, he's dead now, a little over $3 million a year, famous baseball player. And I'm coming back from doing a workshop and I'm reading this. This sums up this disease to me. Eric Scholl was buried Saturday afternoon in a private service and the teammates utilized him as a man with courage, etc., etc. A color photograph of Scholl in his San Diego Padres uniform was propped up above his green coffin in the Harvest Christian Fellowship Chapel while ballplayers and friends spoke of his zest for life, inquisitive intellect, and deep religious beliefs. Scholl, 37, who died Wednesday in a drug treatment center from a drug overdose, this disease is powerful given sufficient reason knowing i have the craving of the body will that keep me away from alcohol given sufficient reasons do i think i have any choice when it comes to me and alcohol and putting alcohol in my system the next paragraph in the doctor's opinion frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices And does everyone know what that means? That means all your loved ones who came up and says, will you please quit drinking? Or if you're dying of untreated alcoholism, all the husbands and wives who said, God, will you go to a meeting or get a new sponsor? It says the message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. A man sat across from me 15, 16 years sober who drank like I did and he had been changed and he told me he didn't do anything about that change. Another great lie in Alcoholics Anonymous, I hear it all the time. Just heard a meeting the other day. I've got to change everything about myself. I can't change anything about myself and until I met that, God can't come in and change everything. We hear it over and over again. You've gotto change everything about yourself. We support the self-help book industry and it's an absolute joke and a lie. Why? Because lack of power is our dilemma. Now, does that mean we can't get power? But Mark can't change. Mark, I know. I gave away reams and reams and boxes and boxes of self-help books. This was a great one. Managing your anger. Right? I don't have the power to change myself. I'm real clear on that today. I've tried. Tried many times. talks about in nearly all cases their ideals must be grounded in the power greater than themselves if they are to recreate their lives highlight that, that's an awesome promise and many of us in this room have manifested that we get to recreate our lives in this fellowship because there's a loving creator out there who wants absolutely nothing but the best for us and if we develop a relationship with him we recreate our wives bottom paragraph and I'm going to do something here that Don did and it's an exercise that I want to pass on to you when you read the book either use the word I or put your name in there and the reason is my alcoholic ego when it reads the word we it thinks it's talking about you it doesn't think it's talking about me so he had me read this book putting my name or using the word i and this book took on a whole new meaning so i'm going to read this mark drinks essentially because he likes the effect produced by alcohol the effect is all that stuff on page 52 that I talked about and when I drank I didn't have trouble in personal relationships and I wasn't afraid of misery and depression and I was not unhappy and I could make a living and I thought I could help everybody when alcohol worked that is the effect and it took away fear and tension and it also took away being restless, irritable and discontent it says the sensation meaning this effect is so elusive that while mark admits it's injurious mark cannot after a time differentiate the truth from the false to mark his alcoholic life seems a normal one mark is restless irritable and discontented unless mark can again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks drinks which mark sees others taking with impunity. After Mark has succumbed to the desire again, as he would so often do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, Mark passes through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. And this is repeated over and over, and unless Mark can experience an entire psychic change, there's very little hope of marks recovery. That is a very powerful paragraph that talks to me about why I drink. I love it when an alcoholic says, I love the taste of beer. B.S. The best taste and drink in the world is cold clear spring water but we do not sit down and drink a case at a time. You and I drank alcohol and did dope for effect. The effect was it treated my spiritual malady. The dilemma we reached is one day it quit working. Now I'm in that helpless place where I can't quit. I can'T quit. And it's no longer giving me the effect that it used to give me. That's another reason I go back through the work. What I did last year no longer gives me the affect that it use to give be. So I go back through because I want another new experience with this. I tell people this, if you're in AA and you have not done this work, here's the difference between me and you. You put an alcoholic into untreated alcoholism, the state of being restless, irritable, discontent, and you leave them long enough and they don't have any tools and I've got a whole toolbox full, at some point in time the obsession to drink will come back and they will pick up a drink. Those who have gone through and done this work have a whole bunch of tools they can pick up in those situations. We all have... How many of you in here think how you feel has something to do with your alcoholism? Raise your hands. Give me a show of hands. Nobody in here thinks how you feels has anything to do avec your alcoholismo? How many of you think circumstances in your life have something to do with your alcoholism? Good, you guys are sharp. Here's why. I felt great and drank whiskey and I felt miserable and drank whisky. It is not a feeling disease. My ducks were all in a row when I drank alcohol and they weren't in a roll when I drink alcohol. Now my ego wants to place my alcoholism out here. Remember I said something? My ego wants it. It wants to tell me that it knows what the day looks like when I'll take a drink and the way it does that is it says on this day your circumstances will get bad and then you'll take a drink or on this day you'll be feeling this i'm not an alcoholic because of how i feel and i'm non-alcoholic because of my circumstances how has raised the color of my skin i mean a friend of mine i love this stuff about the dysfunctional family he says i came from a dysfunctional family, and the reason it was dysfunctional is because I was in it. Yeah, I relate to that. This is an important paragraph because it tells me what happens. If you and I are restless, irritable, discontent, and have distance from alcohol for a period of time, we are going to seek ease and comfort, and if alcohol and or drugs was my only solution, I'm going back to it again. you see at two and a half years in this program i knew i needed something that was far more powerful than the effect i got from alcohol and drugs and just going to meetings and just reading the book and just not drinking wasn't producing the effect this disease is internal recovery is internal it has nothing to do with the external circumstances or conditions in my life it It has to do with my personal relationship with my loving Creator. And we're going to be given a set of spiritual tools to find out in the first step that we need power, that we've lost choice, that we're not going to have power that we lost control that we suffer from a spiritual malady and be given this set of tools to develop a relationship so that we are given power so that they aren't blocked from that power anymore and we can recreate our lives. So, let's turn over to XXVII, and then I think we're going to take a short break. On this page, they go into the different types of alcoholics, and I know for myself the paragraph I wanted to fit in, but I basically fit in all of them. The psychopaths, they're emotionally unstable, always going on the wagon. Yeah, that was me. over-remorseful and make many resolutions but never a decision. The type of man unwilling to admit he can't take a drink. Type of man who believes after being free from alcohol he can take a drinking spree. He can't drink without danger, we just read about him. Manic depressive. I wanted to be in the next paragraph but didn't fit. Types entirely normal in every respect except in the effect alcohol has upon them. They're awful able, intelligent, friendly people. all these and many others have one symptom in common they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving this phenomenon as we have suggested may be the manifestation of analogy which differentiates these people and sets them apart as a distinct entity it has never been by any treatment with which we are familiar permanently eradicated the only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence and then the book follows that up with this precipitates us into a cauldron of debate and it goes on to say the general opinion among physicians is that chronic alcoholics are doomed here's why dr silkworth told bill and 50 000 other people like him bill you're allergic to alcohol don't take a drink you won't get drunk and bill kept showing up at town's hospital almost dead in the doctor's opinion dr silkwood has told us what's wrong with us and then he also says the sad news is i can't do anything about it he told bill you have an allergy to alcohol we look at our own experience with alcohol to see is this me do i have this thing called craving are there times i want to have two and i have 10 and 12 are there terms i wanted to have to and go somewhere and i never made it and did i reach the place in my drinking where I could not control alcohol. Got to understand something about craving. It says the average tempered drinker has never had craving. Example, I did some work with a school teacher. Nine months out of the year bone dry. June 1 he'd go buy about nine cases of beer. By August 15 he'd be in the hospital almost dying. Says to me Mark, I'm not an alcoholic I go nine months out a year and don't drink I said listen dummy the big book does not concern itself with how old you are when looking at craving it does not concerned itself with gender doesn't care how smart you are how many degrees you got it asks one simple question when you take a drink you break out in craving does that happen to you I said do you think it's normal behavior to go buy nine cases of beer so that's all we've looked at in the doctor's opinion, one thing. When I put alcohol in me, do I break out and crave it? If the answer to that is yes, then you are powerless over alcohol physically. That will never go away. And then there's a little bit more information. I'm going to give you an exercise to do on Bill's story, and then we're going to take a break. I've read Bill's Story plenty of times. Here's the exercise I was given. Read the first eight pages of Bill's story and write these three words in your book, think, drink, and feel. And whenever in those first eight pages, whenever you think like Bill, drink like Bill or feel like Bill I want you to highlight that sentence. And what's always interesting and particularly I enjoy it with women, many times most of their book is entirely marked up. You're going to see why on page 17 we do this exercise. But before we take a break, I want to close with a paragraph on page 8 that described me when I came into AA, and this paragraph is all internal, not external. Here's what it says, and see if you can relate. No words can tell of the loneliness and despair that I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. quicksand stretched around me in all directions I had met my match I had been overwhelmed alcohol was my master that described me when I came into AA and that also described me two and a half years sober dying of untreated alcoholism that paragraph I related to every word because that paragraph takes place down on my stomach that part that wakes you up at 3 o'clock in the morning but you've been around AA for a period of time and you don't feel like you can call someone and say I'm dying and I don't know what's going on that was me when I came into AA and that was two and a half years away from a drink of alcohol so go through and do that exercise and highlight whatever you think, drink and feel And then in pages 9 through 16, which is where Bill talks about his recovery, go through that and highlight everything that you are unwilling to do that Bill did. And then when you get to page 43, go back through it, see if you've gotten a little more willing. I do that every time. i go through pages 9 through 16 and i highlight everything i'm unwilling to do let me give you an example there are two amends i've got to make this time i can tell i'm getting better i would like to take a rifle scope 357 and i've gotten better in in just sighting on these people now i don't want to shoot them but i'd like to have the round go kind of close and create a little tension in the sphincter muscle. So when I went through and read that, I said I'm unwilling to go make amends to these two people. And then I got up to page 43 and I went back again and said, I will be very happy to go made amends to these 2 people. So that's a good exercise. Go through pages 9-16, ask yourself, it's going to tell you exactly what Bill did and ask yourself am I willing to do that? That's where he talks about, I had to make a list of all the people that I felt resentment toward or that I hurt and I have to go make amends to them all. Stuff like that. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light. I must ask the Father of Light to take away my sins, all of them root and branch. All those kinds of things. Let's stop there and then we'll take a little break and we'll come back in and we're going to talk about We'll start on chapter 2. There is a solution. Here's Mark, and I'm an alcoholic. Page 17, chapter 2, there is a solution. It says, we of Alcoholics Anonymous know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill. That is where you turn that into a question based on the exercise I told you to do with the first eight pages. Was I just as homeless as Bill when I related to think, drink, and feel? and then the next sentence says nearly all have recovered now i think that's the fourth or fifth time the books use the word recovered hasn't it it's not using the word recovery says they've solved the drink problem next paragraph is a long paragraph and describes the fellowship and there's a couple sentences toward the bottom of that paragraph that i want you to highlight i'm going to give you some information on where it says the feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us, but that in itself would never have held us together as we're now joined. Make a note in your book, page 75. I want to explain something. What the book is starting to talk to us about is that you and I share a common parallel. What's wrong with this? and it says it's one element in the powerful cement this idea of submit is important on page 75 because if you go to page 75 you're going to be asked some questions about cement and if you've never done the work and sat across from a sponsor and they had this explained some of you may have had this experience when you get done doing your fifth step part of the fifth step is to go home and spend an hour alone. And I'd ask you some absolute insane questions if you don't understand this. For example, have you tried to make mortar without sand? What the hell does that mean? Okay? Is there cement in place? What does that means? So when they're talking about cement here, to make cement, you've got to have two components, mortar and sand. I've gotto know what's wrong with me and I've gotta know the solution. There's also a warning in here. It says, but that in itself would never have held us together as we're now joined. Meaning, our common peril, what is wrong with us, will not hold us together as a fellowship. Goes on to say, the tremendous fact for every one of us is that we've discovered a common solution. A common solution is one we can all use. Goes onto say, we have a way out on which we can absolutely agree and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. If I could ever pitch a convention, here's the one I would pitch. In Breckenridge, Colorado, July 28th through the 31st, there is a convention up there called the Fellowship of the Spirit. This will be the second year that it's met. And I went last year, and I've never had this experience. Everyone at that convention, some of you were in here, has gone through and done this work. Over half of them had made all their amends, and we all had a common solution on which we could absolutely agree. It was one of the most powerful experiences I've ever had in Alcoholics Anonymous, and this year there will be 450 of us there. You see, when you go from the title page to page 164 and do what the book says, we all have a common resolution on whichwe can now absolutely agree We understand our common peril. We understand the common solution. The sad news in the fellowship today is if you went into a meeting, there's 20 people in there, and here's the question. This is an essay question. Please write down the common resolution on which we can absolutely agree. Do you think you would get 20 of the same solution? No, I don't think so. because of what I mentioned the message in the big book and the message and the fellowship have gotten so dramatically far apart all right if you turn the page once again I want to turn statements into questions it says an illness of this sort and we'd come to believe it as an illness involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can if a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one's angry or hurt, but not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all the things worthwhile in life. Next few sentences are also excellent to find out if you're suffering from untreated alcoholism. Example, here's how I would turn this into questions. Mark, when you were drinking, did your drinking engulf all whose lives touched you? Yes. mark did your drinking and your actions from drinking bring misunderstanding fierce resentment financial insecurity disgusted friends and employers warp lives of blameless children sad wives and parents anyone can increase the list yes that's how i take statements and i turn them into questions now i told you about squiggly lines we're going to see a paragraph on page 18 it says the ex-pop and draker has found this solution who's properly armed with facts about himself can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours until such an understanding is reached little or nothing can be accomplished in a Few Hours With My First Real Sponsor I Begin To Get In Recovery And I Begin to get hope and until that time little or nothing was accomplished in my recovery those of you in here that i've done some work with know exactly what i'm talking about those of you that have relapsed know what i am talking about somehow it's almost as if i have to sit across from someone else and go through this process so they can explain these words which you would think that we could understand the next paragraph is an excellent paragraph to tell you what to look for in a sponsor that the man who's making the approach has had the same difficulty that he obviously knows what he's talking about that his whole department shouts at the new prospect he's a man with a real answer that he has no attitude of holier than now nothing whatever except a sincere desire to be helpful there's no fees to pay no access to grind no people to please no lectures to be endured these are the conditions we have found most effective now i get a promise after such an approach many take up their beds and walk again meaning find a man like this who's armed with facts sit across go through the work take up your bed and walk against become a part of life develop a relationship with god goes on to say in the in page 19 highlight this sentence we feel that elimination of drinking is but a beginning next paragraph and i had three little words because it fits if i keep on the way i'm going just not drinking there's little doubt much good will result because the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched that was me at two and a half years if you'll turn over to page 20 now again remember an exercise that you can do on your own you can go from the doctor's opinion up through page 43 and every time the big book makes a statement you can turn it into a question and you can answer the question based on your only experience all right top of page 20 says you may already have asked yourself why it is all of us became so very ill from drinking doubtless you're curious to discover how and why in the face of expert opinion to the contrary we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body if you're an alcoholic who wants to get over it you may уже be asking what do I have to do? Trying to get a drunk to do that ask that question is real tough. I heard it said in 8-8 the three hardest words for an alcoholic are I love you the people who say that never drank like I did you put enough booze in me and those words are real easy to say. The three hardest words for me to say are I don't know. I don' t know. Goes on to say is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically now the book has told us it will show us precisely how to recover now they're going to answer the question what do i have to do to recover specifically we shall tell you what we have done i always tell people this don't work with me if you don't want what i have if you want what i have you're going to have to do what i did if you don't don't do what i did now you get a whole paragraph of observations and things that people have said to us many many times and at times we've said to the alcoholic who's relapsed and one behind all those turn to the paragraph where it says these are commonplace observation on drakers we hear all the time back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding these expressions refer to people whose reactions are different from ours now keep something in mind we're looking at one thing all of us in here got booze in our body we've taken a drink we've activated craving that's all we're looked at now we're going to find out very easily and very quickly how many of us in this room are real alcoholics physically The first thing we're going to look at is we're going to see whether or not I'm a moderate drinker. So I'm going to answer a question. It says, moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it, they can take it or leave it alone. Is that you Mark? No, we'll skip past that guy. Now we go to a hard drinker says, we have a certain kind of hard drink I may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair me physically and mentally. That was true in my case it may cause me to die a few years before my time that also was true here's the kicker if a sufficiently strong reason ill health falling in love change of environment or the warning of a doctor becomes operative this man can stop or moderate and you can add some other things to these reasons so i fit the hard drinker and it says mark if a sufficiently strong reason don said to me did you have probably a list of sufficiently strong reasons why you should never touch alcohol again and i said yes and he said did that keep you away from alcohol and i said no then he said you're not a hard drinker are you and i said i guess not he said could you moderate and i says no he said can you stop and stay stopped and i say no then he said your not a drinker well mark if you're not a moderate drinker and your not hard drink guess whats left big guy what about the real alcoholic now look at this i may start off as a moderate drinker. I may or may not become a continuous hard drinker, but at some stage in my drinking career I begin to lose all control of my liquor consumption once I start to drink. If that is you, you are powerless over alcohol physically when it's in your body and that will never change. You are a real alcoholic. Have you ever been in a meeting and heard someone introduce themselves the real alcoholic those people who are doing that know what is wrong with them that's why they say i'm a real alcoholic i need to know am i a moderate drinker hard drinker or real alcoholic physically is there anyone in here that doesn't fit in the real alcohol category is there any one in here that can moderate their drinking that's kind of a crazy question for this group is there anyone in here that could stop and stay stopped so this room's full of real alcoholics and real addicts then isn't it if you're an addict just take the same criteria is there an attic in here imagine this right got a pile of coke laying here you got a lady sitting here a nice bottle of bordeaux when you say to her honey We're just going to do two lines tonight. We're going to save the rest over the next week. Right? A lot of you addicts could do that, couldn't you? That means you can't moderate them, right? I don't care whether it's alcohol or your drug of choice that you don't have any choice over. Prescription pills, what have you. If you can'T moderate, that's one piece. The second question is, can you stop and stay stopped? If the answer to both those no, then you're a real addict and a real alcoholic physically. That's all we're looking at now. What happens to me when I take a drink of alcohol? Or what happens to mean when I put dope in me? Okay? Now, let's turn over to bottom of page 22. and there's one paragraph that we're going to look at and then we're going to no longer look at the body here's what it says we know that while Mark keeps away from drink as he may do for months or years he will react much like other men now look at that months or year some of you who've been away from alcohol for a long period of time and relapse can really relate to this it says we're equally positive that once mark takes any alcohol whatever into his system something happens both in the bodily and mental sense which make it virtually impossible for mark to stop now here's the question make a note in your book top of page 23 looking at the body stops and here's The Question based on the doctor's opinion the first 23 pages in the book mark does your experience abundantly confirm that when you take a drink something happens to you both in the bodily and mental sense which make it virtually impossible for you to stop is there anyone in here that wouldn't answer that yes the big book from page 23 to page 164 will not talk to us anymore about alcohol in our system It will talk to us about the state we're all in right now. The book is through talking to us about having alcohol in our system. That ought to suggest something. Perhaps putting the alcohol in the system isn't the problem. If it was, I think it would have devoted more time. It's not going to look at it anymore. Page 23, here's what it says. These observations would be academic and pointless if Mark never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Here's what the book's saying. Mark, we've given you 23 pages of information to look at why you're powerless over alcohol once you take a drink. But that information is academic and pointless, Mark, if you never took a drink, goodbye, have a good day. Guess what? I can't do that. That's why it says, knowing that I'm powerless over alcohol physically because of craving isn't going to do me any good. It goes on to say, therefore, the main problem that Mark has centers in his mind rather than in his body. From page 23 to 43, we're going to look at something. And here's what we're gonna look at. why am i powerless over alcohol mentally before i take the first drink before i take the first drink those you relapse the problem is not the drink the problem is why am i powerless over alcohol mentally before i take the first drink all right and it's going to go on to say if you ask him why he started in the last bender chances are he'll offer you any one of a hundred alibis i want to tell you a little exercise to do that i did at this point in time in the work i was asked to make a list of the 10 most insane things that i ever did and i made this list and the 10 most insane thing that i ever did i did behind alcohol and dope and i got done and i showed that to my sponsor And he said to me, Mark, the most insane thing you ever did is not on that list. And he says, and when you did it, you were stone cold sober with no booze or dope in you. I said, what are you talking about? He said, based on what happened to you when you take a drink of alcohol, the most sane thing you could have ever done in your life is to take a break of alcohol. And I said my God. And he introduced me to what we're going to look at in the next 20 pages. And when you leave tonight, I suspect you're going to have the same experience I have every single time I go through that work. And that is that I get into a lot of fear and terror because in these next 20 pages, you're all going to understand something. We have forever lost power, choice, control around whether we will ever take a drink of alcohol or put dope in us. Ever. It's gone. We have lost power, choice, control. And that's what the next 20 pages is going to show us. They're going to use five or six examples to make us look at our own experience to see if this is true. Okay? It goes on to say that if I start on the last bender, I'll give you any one of a hundred alibis. I always ask when we get new people in and doing the big book study, why'd you relapse? He loved me. She loved me I got fired from the job. I'm Hispanic. The list goes on and on, right? Any one of a hundred alibis. And then I'll say, let's make a list of your reasons why you should never take a drink again. Well, let'S see, DWIs, the wife has left, the employer is going to fire you, I'm going to lose my license. We can go on and On with a whole long list, right, i'll say well aren't those pretty sufficient reasons to never pick up a drink again yeah but do you keep picking up a drinking game yeah don't you see that you got no power that you've lost choice you've loss control goes on to say once in a while i may tell the truth the truth strange to say is usually i have no more idea why i took the first drink than you have some drinkers have excuses which are satisfied part of the time but in their hearts they don't know why they do it once this malady has a real hold they are a baffled lot there is the obsession somehow someday they'll beat the game here's what that means there's the obsession that i can actually go out and have two or three drinks and get the effect that i used to get probably 20 years ago that's the obsession it's a lie it's an absolute lie think about this i don't know about the rest of you but when i came into aa booze had quit working for me years before i came in years what the book is saying is mark having that information won't keep you away from it either because i'm obsessed that somehow someday i can beat the game meaning i can drink moderately if such a thing i love this when drunks say they get excited right they're going to invent something allow me to drink normal what the hell good's that going to do us we never wanted to drink normally we drank for effect it took a hell of a lot of booze to get the effect i wouldn't take if there was something out there i could take to drink normal i wouldn'd take it i never wanted a drink normal and neither did you because it would not produce the desired effect that we need we i don't think it's unusual that alcohol is called spirits we suffer from a spiritual malady we drank spirits to treat our spirituality one day a damn near killed us and turned on us now we got to go through and find god to treat the spiritual mouth that's kind of interesting isn't it bottom of the page talks about how true this is if you realize in a vague way family and friends since these drinkers are abnormal yeah man but everybody hopefully awaits the day when mark will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power will tragic truth is if mark be a real alcoholic the happy day might not arrive mark's lost control how many of you give me a show of hands how many have you sat in meetings alcoholics anonymous and hear people raise their hands and say, I got up this morning and I chose not to drink alcohol. Raise your hands. Okay. I'm going to read this next paragraph in squiggly lines and I don't know how you all interpret it but it's pretty black and white to me but we'll see. Here's what it says. The fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice and drink, period. There's no nifty little subtitles in there that say because I'm 21 years sober i've been restored the power of choice it doesn't say because i do these steps i've been given the power choice does it it says i've lost the power-of-choice period lost the powerful choice period let me tell you the danger in an alcoholic telling himself he's got the power to choose whether he drinks or not i go through this work because in the first 43 pages i see you have a disease of the body and mind no human power can treat me the minute i start telling myself i got that power to choose whether i drink or not why do i need to go to meetings why do I need you why the hell do i need a sponsor i mean i love alcoholics anonymous i absolutely love drunks but i spend a lot of time in this program. If I were an alcoholic, if I had the power to choose, trust me, on a Friday night, I'd probably be somewhere else. So would you. It goes on to say, our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of week or a month ago we are without defense against the first drink we are without defense a defense means it works see how many of you raise your hands again how many have you been in a and heard this one think through the drink okay we'll see if the book smashes that one too goes on to say the almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the minds who deter us. If these thoughts occur, which implies they may not, they're hazy and rarely supplemented with the old threadbeater idea, this time Mark will handle himself like other people. There's a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps Mark from putting his hand in the hot stove. And in the next sentence, or perhaps Mark doesn't think at all. Look at the danger in thinking through the drink. That implies that you can think through the drink and look at the consequences. That is a lie. That is an absolute lie. I always loved to think about defense on the hot stove. How many of you have been burned in childhood on a stove? Almost all of us. I'll give you a little scenario, and this sums me up with alcohol. we all have gas ranges in our home and one time as a child the grass range was on we got a bad burn now every time that that gas range is on there ain't no way we're getting close to that puppy right here's what happens with me and alcohol pretend booze is that gas rage you know what i did i took put my hand over that gas ring burnt the hell out of me not once but a lot of times and what happens to me every time i go in my kitchen i'm compelled to go over turn the gas range on pretty soon i got stumps here stumps there yeah i'm trying to get my leg up in the damn thing we have no defense against the first drink for god's sakes look at the consequences we've all suffered drinking alcohol only i have never met a dumb alcoholic that's one of our problems. We're the smartest, dumbest group of people I've ever met in my life. We all have a long list of massive consequences suffered from drinking alcohol. If that list doesn't show you you have no mental defense, I don't know what will. Test that sometime. Take your list, walk up to a normie, say, listen, when I drink these things have happened to me and I'm thinking of maybe picking up a drink again. What do you think? they'll lock your ass up he'd say are you crazy why would anybody do that if that's what happened to you drinking i'll tell you why because i have no mental defense against the first drink i must get a relationship with god i must i absolutely must you know why the reason i keep picking up the drink in spite of significant consequences is because it is the only thing that treats what's wrong with me, my spiritual malady. That's why. And if I don't get a solution that is far more powerful and gives me a more powerful effect than what booze does, I'm going to drink again. I've sponsored men who are looking at going to the penitentiary. Sufficient reason? If on a urine test they show up dirty, they're going to penitentiary, they go to the penetentiary again. that's a fairly sufficient reason you think you got any defense against the first drink look at your experience and find out do I have a mental defense against the first drink bottom of the page 24 when this sort of thinking now we're looking keep in mind from page 23 to 43 we're looking at one thing why am i powerless over alcohol mentally before I pick up the drink that's all we're looking at we don't care if you're 15 or 90 male or female rich or poor degreed or not degree none of that makes any difference we're talking about you and booze mentally before the first drink bottom of the page says when this sort of thinking is fully established an individual with alcoholic tendencies i probably placed myself beyond human aid what is the fellowship comprised of human beings there are two powers there is the power of the fellowship and there's the power of God the fellowship was never intended to keep me sober I'll give you something to think about and I'll gave you the answer this little later on do you know there's two fellowships within Alcoholics Anonymous one of them we're experiencing right now that's called the spirit of the Fellowship you know there's another one it's talked about on page 164 it's called the fellowship of the spirit and I know a lot of men and women who I'm bonded with in the fellowship of the Spirit huge difference for two and a half years I was involved in the spirit of the fellowship since then having done this work many times now I operate with a whole bunch of people in the fellowship the spirit that part of your being that part of your bean that doesn't have anything to do with your head the fellowship of the spirit it goes on to say that unless i'm locked up i'm going to die or go permanently insane these stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history but for the grace of god there would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations so many want to stop but cannot now in the book in 25 pages look at what it's told me it's going to show me precisely how to recover from a hopeless condition of mind and body they're going to show me it says it tells me i've introduced to the idea of i got a disease in mind and body doc's opinion introduced me to craving does this happen to you we answered some questions we see we're real alcoholics physically now we've looked at the obsession of the mind so when it says there's a solution in squiggly lines i think i will pay attention here's what it says i love this next sentence because it starts out telling me immediately what i'm not going to like mark is not going gonna like the self-searching the leveling of pride the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for his successful consummation they just outlined the 12 steps told me it was a process and told me it's a requirement but mark saw it really worked in others and mark had come to believe even the hopelessness and futility of life as he had been living it when therefore mark was approached by those in whom the problem had been solved there was nothing left for mark to do but pick up the kid of spiritual tools laid his feet i was asked is there anything left for you but to pick up these kit of tools and i said no there's two surrenders most of us make an a the first one happens to us with booze here's the second one we come into a we do a little bit of stuff then we get involved with the heen and sheehan that'll fix my spirituality of course that only intensifies it because we got no power for healthy relationships then we try career become workaholics then we get burned out we go through careers money men women physical exercise uh you name it self-improvement books we go Through a whole nother gamut and then lo and behold we wake up maybe before we pick up the drink dying of untreated alcoholism once again and we get taken back to this solution right here d12 steps is there anything left for you do mark but pick up these skid of spiritual tools there was nothing left for me to do now the next paragraph i love because it describes to me what has to happen to me in the spiritual experience and lets me know why no human power can help me the great fact is this and nothing less we've had a deep and effective spiritual experience which has revolutionized my whole attitude toward life toward our fellows and toward god's universe imagine going to a psychiatrist here's what you say to him i'll pay you 100 bucks a week for a year if you can do some work with me that will revolutionize my whole attitude toward life, toward my fellows, and toward God's universe. I don't think that's going to happen, folks. And then it tells us what has to happen for that to happen. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we can never do by ourselves. Another great thing I hear at AA I love. I'm working the steps to the best of my ability. Bullshit! The best of My Ability has me drunk on a bar stool. I work these steps with the grace and power and love of God far beyond the best-of-My-Ability. I'm an alcoholic. The best-Of-My Ability, I am a selfish, self-centered SOB. God allows me through this process to do things far beyond the best Of My Abability. And I'll smash another one in AA. love this i hear this all the time today there's always you're around a long enough new stuff comes up right here's the new stuff i'm a people pleaser everyone says that till you get to the inventory and you do get to the fourth column because you know why alcoholics it says we are brutally selfish and self-seeking people even when our motives are kind in ellen on they ask you to do something it's impossible for a drunk to do do something good for someone and not get found out not us we got to have an airplane flying over hunt texas saying what a nifty guy we are right we are not people pleasers we are brutally selfish self-seeking people who when we do something kind for somebody we have a motive behind us we'll find that out when we look at inventory i always joke with some of the female clients who come here right because i talk about oh you're just one of those nice ladies that drank a little bit too much yeah that's me oh really we get to inventory what we find out is we got a chronic helpless hopeless alcoholic right whose ego says i'm a nice girl who just drank a little bit more alcohol all right it says if you're seriously alcoholic as we were we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. There is no middle-to-the road solution. Middle-to the road solution is anything that does not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience. Example, just don't drink. We just looked at the idea called craving. Just don't drink is the message to my body. But my dilemma is I can't pull that off. Don't tell me just don' drink. That won't work. or go to 90 meetings in 90 days well i might be safe in that one meeting but there's 23 hours out there what the hell do i do the rest of the time those are middle-of-the-road solutions but we hope that in the midst of doing all that we'll develop a relationship with god there's a man sitting here tonight who's wanted to recover from alcoholism a long time and did those five things that we talk about in aaa all the time he just had never been showing how to do the steps. He's on fire with what he's seen in here because he finally has hope. He finally has a solution. So that's a responsibility that all of us have, to go into meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous and show people what is in this book. It goes on to say we had passed into the region from which there's no return through human aid. That's the second time has told us that. Now, here's another exercise you need to do. Ask yourself, do I think there's any way that I can keep distance between me and alcohol based on my own power or for any other reason related to a human being? I.e., how many of you have children? A lot of you have kids. Probably one of the greatest loves there is. Can you stay away from alcohol based on loving your children. How many of you...