Home Group and Full Measures – District 5 Area 74 Service Workshop – Part 1 of 3 – Dick N.

Okay, we're going to get started. This panel will be on AA Home Group, and they'll share their experience in that area. Dick, Neil, and Adam, so please welcome them. Well, my name is Dick. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Dick. Interesting how I got here. I wanted to thank John. And I can't remember who mentioned to me. I was thinking about coming over here and bringing Dave along, and I think about doing a lot of things, but I seldom do them in AA. But I was Thinking, okay, well, and then someone said, I think they might need someone for a panel. And I was saying, well I remember that John, he was kind of, do I have his phone number? And I kind of looked at my phone and I didn't have his call number and I was wondering about that. And within the next five minutes, John called me and asked me to come here. So I want to thank John for calling me when I was thinking about doing it and may not have done it on my own. But I just wanted to share a few of my experience and the experience of some others as it relates to – I've been – the other thing that John did was inviting me. For the last couple of years, I've Been Making a List in My Head about things that I have done, things that i watch other people do that seem to work so i've been thinking about the list and when he talked to me this just prompted me to finally do something about it and i sat down i had a lot of other resources i've been listening to a lotof other people about what to include on this list and the list that i've been trying to create in my head is common practices of structured home groups and things that we do that seem to work. And this by no means is all inclusive, it's just been my experience that I've seen and seen in my home group and really what it helped me develop an appreciation for what role does the home group play in my sobriety and my recovery. To me, the home group, my home group again did for me what I could not do for myself in that I finally went to a meeting. I got a sponsor and the sponsor said well we'll read through the book, we'll go through the steps. It was sort of like me and the sponsors doing what we needed to do but he kept telling me that I had to do a lot more, and right from the very beginning he said, watch what they're doing and just try to do what they'RE doing. Just do what THEY'RE doing and you'll be fine. So that's what I realized is even if I had been able to watch what they were doing and thought about doing what they were doing, I probably still wouldn't have done what they were doing the home group and seemed to make it okay for me that it seemed possible for me to do what they were doing because I was watching them do it it wasn't just there wasn't a list that someone made up and handed to me I multiple times a week I got to watch these people and I and he said pay attention and watch what they're doing so that's what I did so with that I was able to overtime to start to take the actions that they were doing because I finally got to part well if they can do it I guess maybe I could do it so that helped me move way beyond this just working with a sponsor and going through the steps the other thing that this kind of what I learned from my home group is uh there's some issues involved related to this is that statement in how it works. Half measures avail us nothing. Well, the big book doesn't really have the list of what's full measures then. Half measure don't work. What's full measure? It doesn't really say. And I think what I interpreted and what my sponsor said is all you have to worry about is full measures is what they're doing in your home group. Just do what they are doing. So that's whether it's true or not or it doesn't matter is that's how in In my head, I started getting this picture of what full measures or what measures did I have to take to not just recover or not just be sober but to recover. And that's the other thing they taught me is they said there's a big difference between sobriety and recovery. And you can go to some meetings during the week, and you can talk to a sponsor, and you might stay sober for a lot of years. But are you going to be happy, joyous, and free? and I didn't know what they meant really by that. But what I learned from my very first meeting is they were laughing, their eyes were sparkling, they were alive, they were talking about doing things outside the meetings and looking forward to doing them and a lot of excitement and enthusiasm. And that's what I've learned in doing these things is how to bring about what I guess it's defined as recovery so that I have some of that joy in being sober rather than just being sober. This kind of list comes, again, from my experience in my home group, and that's primarily where I got watching what they did. But it also comes from a lot of other similar home groups that have been doing this for 40 to 50 years. And so I have a lot of others to thank, Dick M. from Nebraska and Clancy from L.A., stuff like that. So anyway, these are some things I kind of jotted down that for me, these are the things that many of the people, most of the People in My Home Group do, and I try to do these things to the best of my ability. I don't do them all, but the more I do, the happier I seem to be. One is right from the first meeting my sponsor told me is attend at least three meetings per week. One that studies the big book, one that studies the steps and traditions, the 12 and 12, and one that's an open speaker meeting where I hear the whole story. So that's what I did. Number two is one of those three meetings is my home group. You get importance of a home group and what he said was, what I learned from the others is I always always attend the home group meeting every week, unless there's a death in the family mine. So I'm always there unless I absolutely, and oh, if I can't be there, call my sponsor and explain things, and then he usually lets me know whether my excuse is good enough or not. The third one is the same goes for the other two meetings. So, I thought, well, wait a minute. If I always, always, always have to be at the home group meeting and the same for the other two, you know, anyway, that was another way of getting me to all three meetings. So that's what I do for all three meetings. I got a sponsor. I use that sponsor every week, multiple times a week. I do what that sponsor suggests to the best of my ability. Another item is we study, I study with him and with these groups, we study the AA literature. That goes back to number one as far as the Big Book meeting, the 12-in-12 meeting, Steps and Traditions. Every week, multiple times, we studied the AA Literature. And I was also encouraged to attend Big Book seminars, which they did, so I went along. Another one is he kept saying become part of the fellowship. Get as many names and phone numbers of the people in the group, and don't just get them. Then start calling them, and then do things with them outside the meetings. And I thought three meetings a week plus meeting with a sponsor was a bit much, and then I got to do more with them too. And one of the first things I did outside the meeting was with the home group members and we help each other move. And I believe it was my first three weeks of sobriety, we had two moves. And I didn't want to move me, let alone move you. But I did. It says 8 o'clock Saturday morning. I went, oh, 8 o'. And my sponsor said, she said, just be there. So that's what I did, and within that first three week of sobrietty, I was laughing at the moves. I was having fun moving them, and after a number of moves, I remember one member held the record for the most moves within the group, and someone said it was the eighth time, and I thought, well, talk to your sponsor. What's wrong with you? Stop moving. So anyway, I started doing a lot of things outside the meetings like he suggested, But he said, pay attention to other home group members. And he kind of said, judge them. Not in a negative sense, but he said pay attention to the people that seem to be happy. Pay attention to the people, if you're interested in someday being married again, pay attention to the married people that have happy married relationships. Pay attention to people that seem to have good, happy, productive, healthy relationships with their children, with the people they work with. So he said pay attention to the people, and especially those that seemと be having good experiences in those portions of their life. So that's what I did. I was told, and it was an example, at our meetings one person talks at a time. Okay. I always have an opinion, and I'm sure you want to hear it. So it's always, anyway, just one person at a time. Part of the name Structured Home Group comes from our meetings start on time, they end on time. People don't get up during the meeting to go to the bathroom or get extra coffee when someone's speaking because that can be disruptive to the speaker. And I thought, well, when you've got to go, you've Got to Go. I mean, he says, just go before the meeting or after the meeting. Can you hold it for an hour? Okay. I was told to have commitments at all meetings, the small jobs just to help the meeting out. And this gets back to one of the other items. Why? To get all these names and phone numbers because if you can't make it to the meeting, therefore you can'T do your commitment, call someone so that they can do your committment. Well, to do that, I need names and phone numbers. Plus, I've got to talk to some of the other members. And then, of course, I made myself open that they would call me and ask me to do their commitment, and I always said yes, so I did that. And another big thing was, unlike what we had done, as I had done as a very self-centered alcoholic, was do what I said I was going to do when I said it was going to do it. And if I can't, call and try to solve it. If I'm causing a problem by not doing it, I call before that to the people that will be impacted if I don't do it, in other words, to be responsible. I was told to become involved in my own recovery, and my sponsor, I thought it was kind of harsh. He said, I have to care more about my recovery than him. You're supposed to be my sponsor, you're supposed to really care about... He says, yes, but you've got to care more than him In other words, when I meet with my sponsor I drive to his house he doesn't drive to my house Then I was told to try to act better than I feel. That was a hard one He says can you just do it today? Okay, tonight He says, can you just do it tonight? Okay, I'll try to do that tonight. Of course, take the steps and don't just talk about them, but actually to do them on an ongoing basis, routine basis. And my sponsor is always asking about that. He's asking for the details to find out if I am taking the steps or if I need to take more of the steps. Many of you have heard this one from a long, very old timer in AA is to clean up my act, to uncover, discover, and discard that which was of no use and harmful. Another thing we do is I was told to dress up to honor AA. Not all the time, but once in a while. My home group meeting, many of us, it's not a requirement, but many of US dress up once a week. There are other meetings, anything goes, but we try to dressup once. If we go to conferences or roundups, usually Saturday night at the banquet, we try to dress up just as once in a while as an honor to AA. We're told to shake hands with the speaker and thank them. So if you've ever been to a big, big conference or roundup that I was just at one month and a half, two months ago, and there was about 2,500 people there, and after the speaker speaks, and this is your only time to go to the bathroom, you've got to get in line with about 2 thousand people to thank the speaker but we do it or we run go to the bathroom come back the line's smaller but you go and you thank the Speaker this kind of goes back to acting better than I feel is be friendly with people we even when I don't feel friendly another hard one to do I was told to talk to newcomers then converse with my friends but always always looking out for the newcomers and try to go over to them right away and talk to them. And then I was told, I was always told be on time for my commitments, stuff like that. And then they were told being on time means 20 minutes early. I was suggested that I do the dos and don't do the don'ts, and I knew what they were because I'd done them many times. It was suggested that I speak the language of the heart, let people know that I care through my actions and my words. That was very hard for me. But thanks to the people in the home group, I am now better at that. I was told to have suggested that I accept the seemingly bad with the seemingly good because many times they're switched in my head. Seemingly bad things that occurred in my life ended up being the best things that occured in my live. So accept them all, because I can't make sense of which are bad and which are good. I was told to learn to be square, make my bed, mow my lawn, and get a haircut. At district, I was suggested elect trusted servants that I know can and will do the job, not just because they happen to be a friend or something like that. It was also related to district as practice the principle of rotation is to whenever possible rotate out of positions, take new positions, make room and opportunity for others. At our meetings we try to talk about the solution not the problem and always to remember that the problem is me. So what do I do about me if I'm the problem? That's what I hear at the meetings. I try to live the traditions in AA, in my relationships and in my work. And that has worked wonders both at work and in relationships. It was suggested or I was told I have to surrender. And if you're new here and you haven't quite surrendered yet, it's I can't tell you how, just that you must and I can only share how I did it, what happened. Like other old comers, I was told to trust God, clean house, and help others. Summarizing the 12 steps. It was one time suggested to make sure that I always put something in the hat. Even if I'm out of work. But something. Even if it's a quarter or something. Because it's the act based upon my self-centeredness and my selfishness. It's my act of putting something in the hat that benefits me and benefits others, no matter what the amount is. On my AA birthday, I give a dollar for each year of sobriety and send it to GSO. Everyone in our group does that. I would suggest that I take actions beyond the group, service positions at district area. I help sponsor workshops just like this one. Roundups, our group organizes the Chippewa Valley Roundup. I always have a job at that roundup and help with that. And I always try to remember, I was told to remember that if I take the actions, I will change, but I can't think myself into acting differently. I have to act my way into a new way of thinking. And there's another one I didn't want to hear is when things get rough, go to more meetings. I mean, when things get really rough at work and really busy, I'm traveling or whatever, I don't have time to go to more meetings. He said, no, when thing gets rough, go to moor meetings. And last of all, I was told to try to do all of these with great enthusiasm. And many people talk about pockets of enthusiasm, and that's an example of today is this workshop is an example of that. So anyway, that's a work in progress. the list of the things I've tried to do that I learned in my home group and how important the home group is and I certainly will continue to try to do it but that will pass I'm a neo-alcoholic before I get started I want to thank the lady that spoke here before was really thorough and I really enjoyed it. And this gentleman here, you know, what he had to say, I'm going to keep it really simple because I think the longer I stay sober, the more I have to keep It simple. And, you Know, I sound like I don't know if anybody's here from Eau Claire or the Pacific Group. I don' t know. I'm new in the area. I've moved here. We retired, and I also live in L.A. And we bought a condo out here, and I'm getting involved. Got to know Gary and a few other people. And John invited me here to share about Home Group. And all I could do is share my own experience, strength, and hope of what I went through. I am a product of the Pacific group from West L.A., and the Home Group was Pacific Tuesday night at Ohio when I got sober. And then they moved into Wednesday night at the synagogue. And I had a sponsor then. I had been out of the group for a few years because I moved away then. But I did exactly what they said. I had an old friend who was a pastor. He had a home group, which was the Pacific group. And I has a sponsor. And his name was Keith C. And his sponsor was Clancy. And I am one of the people that was the spotter. I don't know if anybody knows what a spotter is, but when the goats would come by, I would have to spot because Clancy had goats in the backyard and there were people that had the wheelbarrow and all that. When you're newly sober, you just do what you're told, and that's what I did because I wanted to stay sober. I did what I had to. I was in the yard, and he has what is called the yard And my sponsor, he says, Neal, just act as if because I had a very hard time when I came in Alcoholics Anonymous because I still have the obsession. It was really strong with me. And thank God for the group and God put me in that group because I needed that structure. And I did everything that my sponsor said like the gentleman here. And the Pacific Group, if you know, if there's anybody here, they shake hands a lot. When I came into Alcoholics Anonymous and Pacific Group my sponsor had to ask the people to shake my hand in the Pacific group because I was not a likely person. I came in with long hair and a beard and that lasted one day if you know what I mean. You know Clancy says oh we got the house of David here you know and I had a resentment I went at them I cussed at them and I said I had to pay like 50 cents at the yard or something like that and I say here's another dollar yo and I didn't know who he was so that's the way I come up Keith C. was my sponsor I don't know if anybody knew Keith Carpenter he passed away a few years ago but him and Clancy were real close with a lot of the guys like Johnny Harris and all that. But the whole deal is they taught me how we had, Tuesday night, we had the big book study. I stuck with the group for over seven years. And I also had to wear a tie. As you know, I'm not in the Pacific Group anymore. But the whole thing was, I had to learn what happened was my first year of sobriety, I stayed busy. Action was the magic word. My sponsor said, don't open up the big book. You can't even comprehend for 15 seconds. And so my first year was mainly action in the group. I didn't start getting involved in my first years of sobriety. What happened was Keith says, well, why don't you go work at central office on the phones? That's where I started in my sobriete. I got involved in there. I stayed there for a year. Then in two years, I got involved with GSR, and I learned the traditions. You know, when the lady was speaking, I remember that we had, believe it or not, there was a meeting that we had that they were going to film in the Pacific group. And what happened was, what they did, they filmed from behind. They filmed the guy who read the Chapter 5 and the 12 traditions, and that's all they did. And we had a really hassle at that time, you know, and I remember Clancy and all that, and I was involved with GSR. And I stayed there, and i'll be honest with you, the traditions is really important, but I got involved in more than that. In those days, there was central office in central L.A., and I would go to meetings incognito that wanted to be listed, if meetings had any problems, and they would send me there. I don't know, being the big guy, if I got in any trouble or something, they started swinging at me. But that's what I did. I got involved in a lot of the GSR, the central service. I was zone F delegate in the group over there in West L.A. And I would go to meetings, and that was part of what I learned in alcoholics. It helped keep me sober. And I got enrolled with hospital institutions. All this is because of the group, my home group. See, my Home Group, it was structured for me to do that. And then after I did that, when I moved away, I kept a lot of that. And it's true, you know, resentment, a big book and a pot of coffee. Start a meeting. And that's what I did. I moved to Escondido in San Diego area. The main thing is that for this alcoholic, I enjoyed a lot of it. But I'm more or less on a one-to-one basis. And I learned that over my years in Alcoholics Anonymous. I live the steps. But everything that I have done, you know, right now I'm in a home group. I moved back in the Hermosa Beach area. My home group is Sunday morning Happy Clam meeting in Hermosa Beach when I'm over there. And we started the meeting because the guy owned a bar called the Happy Clams, and he wanted to get sober. And I figured the only way to keep the guy sober is to start a meeting there. And the meeting's huge there. And that's what we do. We start a meet-up. We start the meeting with a resentment or a big book and a pot of coffee. I went to another meeting I started about six months ago. I walked in, and they changed everything. damn people the whole format I haven't been there for 3 or 4 years and they didn't know who I was and it kind of ticked me off and they looked at me and I talked to the guy and I said what are you doing and he said well we had a group concert that's what Alcoholics Anonymous is now that I'm over here in this area in the River Falls I like the Wednesday night But we call it a lano. I hear they go, how do you say it? Lano? Alano. We call it alano club. But Wednesday night in River Falls, alano Club, al-ano Club. And I met Gary and a few other people. And that's really it for me. I really keep it simple. But I've gone through all of it. I've enjoyed probably more than anything is I enjoy the central office part because I got to get on the phones, and I like working with newcomers. And that's what was taught to me. Keith Carpenter taught me, he says, you always grab a newcomer. You feel like in a 20-year sobriety when I almost got drunk, the guys were there that I sponsored. They pulled me out of that. And that'S what we do here. It doesn't matter how long. It's what we do, and that's the fellowship. In a home group, I vote a lot. If we have problems in our home group we'll vote on it. We like to give a certain time. We're supposed to give two weeks over there. But the main thing is over in GSR is the main things are traditions, is to uphold the traditions. And that's really important. So I don't know if I touched on it. I wasn't planned. I just wanted to come up and just talk because I'm a Rule 62 on the fourth edition, boy. I'll tell you. You know what that is. Thank you. My name is Adam, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Adam. Thank you, John, for asking me to be here today. I got sober five years ago last Saturday and five years ago last Saturday was a Sunday and an awful day I didn't like it very much at all Monday I didn'y feel much better and I didn''t know what I was going to do but drinking didn't look like a good solution to me this one day so I found a phone book and in the phone book was a number for Alcoholics Anonymous. They had an answering service that gave me a web address. I went to the public library, looked up the website and I found my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous on Monday night in Eau Claire. When I got to that meeting there were about a dozen people that weren't interested in what they wanted to talk about that night. They weren't interesting in anything other than there was a guy who looked pretty rough at their front door. They took him in and they did a first step meeting. They shared their experience with alcohol all, their lives sounded a lot like my life. But they didn't look like I felt that day. I felt rough and they didn t look rough. They looked like pretty good people who had things together yet they said everything that was on my mind and in my heart. They did that for me. It turns out as I have gotten into this thing that they did it for them too but I didn't know that then, and it felt pretty good to be a part of that. So they didn't ask for anything except that maybe I had another meeting. So I had Another Meeting on Tuesday, and they suggested that I get a sponsor, and I did because they, again, sounded like I sounded but didn't look like I felt. And so I did what they did, and they asked me to go to another meeting, and so I went to another meaning. And I started cleaning garbage cans, I think, was my first commitment. And I've been a greeter and changed, made coffee, cleaned buckhands. And what all of those things did for me at the beginning was get me out of me, right? Because my head was a disaster area. There was fear. There was insecurity. There was a whole lot of things going on. And if I was worried about the garbage cans, even if I Was complaining about the Garbage cans, it was something other than me That I was thinking about My sponsor Was involved in service, I got into Some service But what I found I'll talk just a little bit about that, I guess The first thing, I think I guess by being a part of Other things, by being apart of things Other than myself I'm looking out for other people. I'm not worried about me, and I'm becoming useful. One of the things about me is that I was completely useless. Like Dick, I had all sorts of ideas and all sorts of thoughts, and they didn't produce a lot of fruit, but by being involved around people who are working with other people, it gives me a chance to be useful in some way. even if it's just for coffee, which I also know now is very, very important. Coffee. I dipped my toes into service work, and by doing that I found out that I heard at a meeting not too long ago that this guy shared that he wasn't 12-step. We were talking about the 12-stop. He wasn't12-step, nobody 12-stepped this guy. It was a billboard to 12- step this guy, right? And that's what I thought. No one came to my house and got me to AA. It was a phone book, right? It was just a phonebook that was there. What I found out by being involved in more than just myself is that there were people that worked very hard to get that number into the phone book. There are people that make a lot of phone calls, that make all the calls, that make lots of trips, that make lot of visits to make sure that all of this information is out there for dudes like me to find it. When Mary Jo talked today about the service structure, which I've, again, had a little experience working with, But what I have found is that everything that those people at the district level, at the area level, at New York, in theory at least, everything they do is aimed at getting guys to our meetings so that they can find us. That's what it's for. And so my role as a member of a home group is to have some say in what they find when they get there. And what I want them to find when они встают к нам. I've had the privilege of attending a diverse collection of groups. And what I have found is that no matter how they're defined, no matter what each home group does differently or alike, what we're there for is the new guy that comes in that door. They were there for me and that's the one thing that mattered. Which group I went to, they were there für mich. I wouldn't be here had they not been there für mir. and as a home group member I have some say in how my home group welcomes the new guy that walks through that door I believe in sponsorship I was sponsored and I was helped to understand the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous by working that with a sponsor because that was valuable to me because I believe I'm a better person for that than when I attend my home groups I need to raise my hand when they ask about sponsorship if anyone here is willing to be a sponsor I have to put my hand up because that's huge for me, and it can be huge for other people. By being involved in service, I've learned that a friend of mine from Eau Claire pointed out saying that service work in AA is like a professional football game. There's 22 people on the field who are working very hard and could really use a break and 65,000 people watching who could probably use some exercise. and that's really it's a brilliant saying but it's true there's a lot of people watching this Mary Jo said that we have to have thick skin to do this and that is a shame it's very small percentage of people that stand up to do this and they get whipped for it but what's important is that we provide a nurturing environment for the other people who maybe wouldn't be willing to do this because it has changed my life It's made me a, people would argue about how youthful. But I have a feeling of worth in any case. And that's been huge for me. I had a huge ego where I believed I was capable of many things. I had no problem going places and shaking hands. And I had always expected you'd remember me. But I didn't feel like I was worth anything. and that's been huge for me to feel like I've done something today that maybe helps somebody besides me in our book I'm lucky enough to be working with a guy right now and we just started working with others and it says in there and I never quote anything accurately but basically the point is is that what we have to do what I have to go through what I need to do in my life is put others' interests before my own that the welfare of other people needs to come before my own. The people who put their own welfare aside. My sponsor gave up nights, he gave up Sundays. Sometimes he gave a football Sundays to meet with me and he didn't ask for anything except that I extend my hand to the next guy in the home group is the first place I do that. Um, none of the rest of this service work as possible. I don't believe I never would have found any of the of this fellowship. I wouldn't have found the people. Most of the people I know here I know through this service work, and I wouldn't have found that if I wasn't a part of a group that cared very much for my welfare. That's it. Thanks. All right. Do we have any questions on the home group for these three gentlemen? See how well you did, guys? Oh, yeah. Okay, Mike. Well, it sounds like a lot of you guys ended up being the home group was the first meeting you went to. But if I was moving or just come back in that box on this and I was looking for a home group, how would I find a good home group? What do you think is a... Yeah, I'm looking for an important home group. My name is Adam. I'm an alcoholic. But that question is going to vary, I suppose, by who answers it. But my personal belief is that, especially if you have some sobriety, looking for a home group should be second to what you can offer a home group. If I go to a meeting and I think it's an okay meeting, then I go there and bring to it what I think I have to offer and make it what they want me to do. That's what I'd like it to be. And if they don't want it, then I can look other places. But if I go to a meeting and they don't raise their hand for sponsorship or they're not interested in sponsorship, I can leave it and let it be a place that isn't interested in sponsorships or I can be the one hand that goes up so that if people were there looking for sponsorship, there's at least one guy that's got his hand in the air. I took all of my life from wherever I went. I was a parasite on the lives of other people and I don't want to go the rest of my Life being a parasite on other things as well. If there's something useful for me, thank God. If not, I should probably try and bring something useful to it. That's fine. Dick Alkoholic. From my experience, if I moved to a new area, I would start going to as many meetings as I possibly could, especially with some sobriety. In traveling, I had two brothers out near Seattle, and when I'd go out there, and there were so many meetings, and I didn't know anyone to ask, well, what are good meetings or big meetings or little meetings? I just had to take a shot at it based on time of day and what day of the week. And so I went to a number of meetings out there, and all the meetings were good but some were very small and were kind of just read a little something out of the book or the 12-in-12 and share a little Something In. And yet I went through this one meeting out of The Three and I knew within 10 minutes that if I was moving to that area, i would have been comfortable with that group because um it was very similar to what i had experienced when i got sober they had someone who was reporting on going to the district they had some one that was mentioning to the group about don't forget the two weeks friday is our monthly campfire meeting up on the mountain and everyone goes oh yeah yeah bring your brocks you know they were doing they're active doing fun things outside the meetings they were very animated in the meetings they were i heard right away that they're involved in service um they uh the few people i talked to right away we're talking about the key focus on sponsorship and being sponsored and commitments they each had little commitments at the meetings to help the meeting so anyway i just would encourage people go to as many people many meetings as you can and at least my experience was i kind of knew right away probably what which one of those meetings would be a good fit for me i'm neo-alcoholic classic example when i came here i went to a few meetings and i felt comfortable in that one meeting simple as that and uh it was it seemed like it was active and the people were you You know, when I did go years ago when I moved to San Diego, my sponsor always told me, he says, you know, I don't know about this meeting, man. I don' t know. He says, well, why don't you make it your meeting? Do what you have to do there. And I did that and I still felt uncomfortable. So I started my own meeting. That's what I said, a resentment and a big book and a pot of coffee. But over in River Falls, I feel very comfortable. And God works in mysterious ways with me. If it feels good, don't fight it. Go ahead. Hi, I'm David. Hey, Dave. I have a question. So the question is if you go to a meeting and you find it clickish or standoffish or not inviting, what do you do? I'm a neo-alcoholic. Well, I'll tell you what I do, as simple as what I've been taught over the years in Alcoholics Anonymous. I put my hand out and go shake it if they like it or not. You know, that's what I'd do. And to make myself, because I'm a type of person, an alcoholic feels odd going to maybe meetings. And when I first got into Newcomer, you know, I didn't feel, you Know, I felt odd. And now that I've sober for a while, I mean, that is what we do. I've gone to a lot of meetings where they're always over here and over there and they look at you, they look up and down at you and they stare at you and I just go up there and just smile. Because, you know, I've earned my seat in Alcoholics Anonymous. It's as simple as that. And for some reason, most of the time it warms up. I'll just throw it out there one more time. My name is Adam Ongaholic. Like if I go to a meeting worrying about what I'm going to get out of it, and this isn't for newcomers because newcomers obviously should be worried about what they're going to Get Out Of It. They're there to get sober and get clean. But if after a little bit of sobriety I'm gone, they're worrying about What I'm Going To Get Out of It. I haven't changed. I'm the same guy who went to everything else I did worrying about WHAT I'M GOING TO GET OUT OF IT. It's not easy. I've learned a lot of things since I've come to AA. And one is I can't expect people to act how I act because we're all built differently and we're all wired differently. Neil can throw his head around. I can sometimes throw my head around too, but most importantly is if you get to a meeting and there are people in groups, clusters, Dick and Neil both talked about it that newcomers come first. And if they're not doing that, that's their business. I'm not there to take their inventory, but my job is to make sure my hand gets out to the new guy who comes through the door. Be the change you want to see. John? Hi, I'm John, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, John. What's the difference between meeting home group and group? I'm Dick again, an alcoholic, I can share what has been shared with me of what the difference is. First of all, as the reading said, any two or three alcoholics that get together can call themselves Alcoholics Anonymous Group. but what I was told essentially is in the terminology, I don't know if it really matters, but a group is one who registers with GSO and who elects a GSR, who then that group is participating in the structure where it shows the AA group there and how it links to the district, to the area, to the delegate and everything. There are a lot of meetings that are not registered, don't elect GSRs and, therefore, do not participate in the service structure. But there are still meetings. You can still – the message can still be carried, but that's kind of the difference. Home group, in my experience, is home group is where I'm held accountable. I've known people that have and especially in larger metropolitan areas and I've heard it and they're trying to recover they keep going to different meetings again and again just all over the place because they just kind of keep going to different meeting and they never ever truly held accountable they never essentially get involved in a group as Adam said they do not look for a way to contribute to that group to help people that come in the door. And, you know, I went through a long list of what the home group members and my sponsor try to suggest that I do. If I were to move somewhere else all on my own and went out, I am not inclined to do all of those things on my home. And if I went somewhere else and just wandered around, found a good friendly group and they're reading the book, and that's nice, and I feel comfortable, and I feel good. But geez, they're not doing all these other things, and Iím really kind of busy, and I donít really want to go to the district and all that. I could easily become not accountable, and it would not be as useful. So my home group helps hold me accountable through their example. The majority of them are doing all of these actions, or many of these options. If I donít also participate like that, I start feeling like I'm not part of. And that's at the source of my problem. So involuntarily or something, I don't know if you want to call it mob psychology, is I tend to do more because I'm going to a home group and they're very active. Thank you. Any other questions? The question is how long should you wait to pick a home group or how long do you have to be sober to find a home group or be in a home group or something of that nature. Go ahead. Adam Alcoholic. Hi, Adam. A relationship with a sponsor is going to be key probably in finding a home group and picking a home group but for those people who haven't found a sponsor do so um but again my own experience was that day two i was pushed out of my shell and helping for other people um it doesn't mean i was sponsoring people on day two but i was trying to you know what day two is probably still eating cookies day three day three i think i was put to work changing garbage cans right and again um just a simple task to be useful to somebody else. As far as picking a home group goes, what I have learned again in my recovery is that wherever I go, even if it's only changing a garbage can or maybe putting away chairs or whatever it is, wherever I Go, I should try and be of some use. My answer is that I wouldn't put it off any longer than you have to, but wherever you go in the interim, be of use. Be of some purpose. Don't passively attend meetings waiting for the right one to hit you over the head. Be a part of it. Get out of yourself and then hopefully get a sponsor. Ask that sponsor what's a good place for me to be of maximum service to AA. Where do I exercise my vote? Whatever it is that we use to define our home group, involve your sponsor with that. Pick one soon. Just let those people take care of you. But offer whatever you have it is to offer that day. Thanks, Adam. Other questions? We're running way behind. We're really organized in Alcoholics Anonymous, so if not, I would like to thank these three gentlemen. Thank you, everyone.