The Urgency of the Steps – Bb Workshop – Part 9 of 10 – Local AA Speakers

You don't want to do the set-aside prayer again? No, you don't have to read it. You're just explaining it. On the set aside prayer, one of the reasons that we do the set aside is to try to dismantle the ego to some extent because probably not for you guys but for me my ego is not my amigo and and what happens is what I think I know can stand strongly in the way of the truth, because what happens for me is I transmit what was transmitted to me. In oral tradition AA, especially, I'm going to transmit what my sponsor told to me, my sponsor's transmitting what his experience was. You can't give away what you don't have. But that puts a limit on how much information I can gather, because it's only based on what their experience was and what they transmitted to Me. What I see, though, is when the ego comes into play is if you come at me with something that differs from my belief system, especially if you say something that contradicts the advice I've been getting from my sponsor, who I love and am very loyal to, my ego goes into self-defense mode, and it starts fighting for its life. And now we're not arguing about that issue anymore. We're arguing if life or death. And I either have to look at changing my beliefs or blow you up, and more often than not, my choice is to blow up whoever's coming at me with contradictory advice. Does that make sense? So sometimes, and it can come up in a lot of stuff about AA practice and how we do things, and do men sponsor women? Some of the controversial topics do, how long do we take putting somebody through the steps? Just a lot of the stuff, if it wasn't my experience and you come at me with it, then sometimes it gets – so that's why I think it helps to be able to just set that stuff aside. We have – I've got to tell you, before we get going today, we have had such a good time here this weekend. You guys are great, and this setting is unbelievable. We don't – I mean, you know, this lake, this frozen lake behind us is like something seen out of a glass dome or something. And, you know, we don't get this in Texas. You know, I mean, Friday when we were here, I was looking out there and I went, good grief. Look at that. And Glenn goes, well, you don't have ice in Texas? And I was like, not in the lake. You know? I mean. We got it in tea. But I was, like, there's a rock on the lake, you now. I mean how does that happen? You know. Somebody slid a rock out there. It's just sitting out there on top of the lake you know. Well, it's a beautiful scene, beautiful people. Going into this deal, it is really funny. You know, when we were looking at doing a workshop for the whole weekend, we are used to going someplace and speaking for an hour. And then when you give us the whole week, there is a lot of fear. It is like, well, what are we going to talk about? It is Friday all night, Friday night, and then all day Saturday. This is his fears, not mine. Yeah, Katie's fears are different from mine. And Sunday morning, and what are We going to do? And then Chris put together the schedule, and he emailed it to us. And I looked at the schedule and went, we're going to need more time. You know what I mean? Because I knew we'd be fighting over the microphone. And there's some urgency. There's a lot. You know, when you're trying to go through the steps, there's a lot to trying to do it. And one of the things, the beauty, though, of it being a workshop, when you give a talk, you always sit down and in a conversation lady go oh i meant to say this and that and well at least with this you can kind of recap a little bit and go back you know to something like the steps we just covered because you never can get through all of them in an hour and 15 minutes one of the things i wanted to say that i forgot to say about the eighth step last night is that in the best aa i've ever been involved with is that my kitchen to our kitchen table on thursday nights we call it the common solution it's a group of men that have discovered a common solution, a way out upon which we can absolutely agree, upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. That's straight out of the book. But we get together on Thursday nights and make sure we're all delivering the common solution, that we're always together. We're all coming out of The Book, and we're all telling people the same thing, hopefully, to a great extent. But one of the things that came out of that was that when we first sat down, it became obvious that everybody at the table had a pretty good list of unfinished amends. Everybody there, when you got to talking, have you finished all your minutes? Well, no. And what developed out of that was we made a decision to let's all write out our eight-step list and then next week let's sit down and read them. That is an experience that if you've never had it, I highly recommend it. If you don't have a little group like that, put a little grup together and get five or six people together and say let's write out Our Eight Step List and then we'll sit and you read yours and then I'll read mine and then you read theirs and keep your pencil handy because you'll sit down thinking you've got a complete eight-step list. My experience was I sat down thinking I had a complete eighth-step list and then, you know, the first guy goes and he says, well, I bought gas and drove away without paying. I went, oh, oh. Okay. You know, write that one down and then the next guy says and I used to eat in restaurants and run out without paying and I went oh I forgot about that one too so leave a little room on your list but it's a powerful experience and it's also really powerful to once you've made the cards to check back in with each other where are you at with your events have you made any approaches how did that go or do you have an upcoming approach that you want to discuss really doing the deal It's a great thing. I wanted to say one other thing. A lot of what we're talking about, it's funny because you hear us talking and you would think that we never read the book until we had 15 years of sobriety. But there was a thing that happened in my experience. We were in the book. We were reading the book, I went to three Joe and Charlie big book studies. I used to go to our Tuesday night big book study meeting every week. If I'm just going and studying this stuff, you know, you come to a weekend like this, it's inspiring, you know, and you see there's a solution available. There's this way out that we can do it. And I go, God, that's really comforting knowing that that is there. And I mean, I'm like right up against it. And then I go home and I can go off of that glow for about a week, you know, but I got stuff to do, you So come Monday morning, I don't really have time for meditation. And so what happens is if I'm not careful, a lot of this information just becomes self-knowledge. And the book tells us where self- knowledge is going to take us. It's comforting to know, but if I am not taking this stuff that we are learning and actually putting it into practice, it doesn't have the effect. and I can still wind up with the experience like we had where at 15, 16, 17 years, I realized that my program has gone completely flat. And that's when we kicked it back up again. So I kind of wanted to talk about that. Now, this morning we're going to try to do steps 10, 11, and 12. And I'm going to start. And, you know, all weekend we've been – she said last night, she goes, I'll do 10,11, you can do 12. And I was like, no, absolutely not. And so we may try something a little different this morning. No, we agreed that you're not going to do that. I don't remember that agreement, darling. I'm going to 10, 11, and 12, and he's going to do 10,11, and12. He said, why don't we just both try to talk? Well, you see how well that went. So I don' t think that's a good plan. I may have some interjections. No, okay. So I'm supposed to go about 40 minutes. 40 minutes, 35, 40 minutes or more. Okay, so. When I gently place my hand on your arm, That means I have an interjection. Okay, we... Okay, yeah, gotcha. Okay, I'm Katie. I'm a recovered alcoholic. And, yeah it was funny. We were sitting in that little room and you know you assume when you're out at a place like this where there's, you know it's where the priests live that they're probably each room is a little ordained and we were going at it in that back room back there. It was like I am not doing that. No, you get, no, forget it. I am NOT budging on this one, Charlie. I do not like it like that. And he goes, you will do what I want. And I thought, oh, has that ever worked for you? Has that statement ever made me just jump to? Yeah. Because I'm the man. I'll be the man! Oh, yeah. I can talk her into doing whatever she wants to do. Absolutely. Well, before I forget, there is a couple of things that are important, and that is we have a lot of handouts. We want to be darn sure you guys get a hold of these handouts, and I think we have some extra ones, which if you're okay, they could possibly take their sponsors. Good. Electronic. And this is the missing piece on the spiritual malady. It's actually from someone in this area, West Orange, New Jersey. Mike L. Mike L., I love this little piece. It's a good read. You know, it's good stuff. Okay, so we're going to do 10, 11, and 12. Now, one of the things, and this is, you know, once again, it's a controversial point. There's a lot of controversy on AA because it always goes back to suggested. These are suggested. Well, you now, if I went to a doctor and I'm dying of cancer, I would hate to have him say, we suggest you take this treatment. You know what I mean? I want him to go, youknowwhat, your life depends on this treatment, Granted, the decision is yours, but I'm going to put a little pressure behind it. And so I'm real big about putting a little pressure behind the urgency of getting through these steps. It's urgent. You have got to get a psychic change, right? We all know that that is a crucial piece of this work and I don't see anywhere in the book where it tells me that I get to take two years, you know? I mean, I sit there and watch people go out all the time or else they're just about their heads about to blow off and so i if you're working with me i'm gonna i'm going to pretty much beat in the urgency of getting this done and besides that you're a lot of work for me as a sponsor if i don't get you through this this work you're you're really blowing my phone up you know and and so keep in mind on that list if my if the problem in this room is selfish and self-centered. I'd love to say you are the most important person, but I would be lying because you're about third on my list. I am up there first. I'm operating out of that level of self-centerness. So if you're blowing my phone up, that's really bugging me. And so I'm going to get you through the work so you don't blow my phone off. But what I'm saying, I can make that look like you are so important. And the truth is, I got selfish and self-centered all over me. And so when we come in, it says this thought brings us to step 10. It's what thought? What thought brings up to step? It's always talking about the previous thought before, right? And it's talking about that they will materialize if we work for them, which means we must continue this action. We've already beat Indy all the problem. We've beat into you the solution, and now, you know, the program of action is I like this because it kind of works along fitness. You know, that's my cup of tea. Fitness is my world as far as my profession goes. So I know how to get you fit. I cannot get you – I can teach you how to GetFit, but I can't get you Fit unless you'll get out there and do the work, right? So if all of a sudden you say you want to lose 20 pounds, I got the knowledge for you to lose20 pounds. Absolutely no doubt about it. But if you don't take the action, you're not going to lose 20 pounds. Everybody knows that, right? If you want to quit smoking, you are going to have to quit lighting that first cigarette. It's a little bit more than that, there is such a deeper part behind that. But if we don't do it, we are going If you don' t take the acton to try, then you are not going to get anywhere. This is what we've just done. We were explaining the program of action. If you are gong to be in 10, 11 and 12, you've got to have cleared away that wreckage, right, you gotta clear out that river, you gotta get those logs out of the way. well here's the deal then i see people working on their ninth step and they never move into 10 11 and 12 and it's like so you you think you're going to complete this whole ninth step deal and not live in in the daily work of 10 11 and 12 that's got to be a part of it right the minute i've got somebody beginning their amends they're already in 10 11 12 and about two weeks i've got them sponsoring because they are very they can by the time they get that person through that inventory they're well into their work right i mean there i think you should be sponsoring personally within about a six month period but uh you know and once i said that's controversial but i'll tell you that's it's like holding back the real magic of this program it's now you don't get this the best gift yet you know till you're ready and i just i don't really get that because the truth of the matter is, is I'll do this work for you. See, if you got a problem, I'll look in the book for it. But if I got a program, I won't look in a book for me. See that that's kind of how it works. So yeah, and a lot of that's driven by pride. Oh, I'll be the best doggone sponsor you've ever had. You know what I mean? And so hey, whatever, whatever makes you get in the books. So it says, this thought brings us to step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set any right uh set right any new mistakes as we go we vigorously commence this way of living as we clean up the past so it's telling me that we're still cleaning up the pass while we're going into the 10th step now the 10 step is a spot check inventory a lot of people misunderstand they think the 10 th step is an evening review a written 10 step and i and and where the confusion came is in the 12 and 12 because the 12and12 is a it's a wonderful piece of literature but it's never been designed to replace the big book period and so um the the 10th step in the 12 and 12 gives you all the inventories right it tells you talks about the four-step inventory talks about the spot check inventory talks About the evening review and then all of a sudden you sit in an open discussion meeting or in an AA meeting people are talking about a written 10th Step and it's not the 10 step it's the 11th step and it you You know, people may say, oh, what's the big deal? Well, the big detail is what's it going to be in 60 years? Is it going be whatever those steps are? I mean, we, it is our job and our responsibility to keep this thing intact, right? And that's what that's about. That's the purpose of letting, so whenever anybody says they do a written 10-step, I always correct them. And I don't correct them because I'm right. I just correct them so that down the lineage, you know, down the years and 100 years, people got it. and so um so it says we have entered the world of the spirit that's pretty cool huh now why would you not want somebody to get there no it doesn't let's keep you let's keeps you working in that fifth step i mean this is this is big stuff this is what is going to keep them sober our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness well if we are to grow we know what that's going to take right more action more flex in that muscle this is not an overnight matter it should continue for a lifetime now this is where the book really begins to give us some some clear-cut direction continue to watch for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear it says when not if so these are going to crop up every day would you guys agree that you get mad at somebody you have an opportunity to be dishonest and that can be three different ways right believe in the delusion sin by omission or just flat out lying people assume dishonest always means flat out lion and the truth is is look in in watch yourself at how many times you don't tell the whole truth well i mean yeah i was i'm sorry i was running a little late because you know there was a little bit of traffic truth is i left 10 minutes later than i should have right it's always sin by ommission sin by commission and so it says um resentment right and fear fear drives the longer you're sober you'll see that fear drives everything i'm scared to death of everything and it says when these crop up we are given four directions okay and this is a really important part of the book it says we immediately ask god at once to remove them remember i told you guys that when you do the disciplines you will immediately set back to default setting. Your default setting will be prayer. It will not be try to think this problem through. See, how many of you guys agree that you think you got a problem? All of a sudden somebody calls you, you got to problem. I got to think. I think what am I going to do? Who, who, who, who? I'm think, think, thing, think. And then somebody comes up to you and starts talking to you. Their lips are moving. You can't even, you don't have a word that they're saying because you're in the problem right and so when the default setting is prayer and you ask god's guidance you get this because the truth of the matter is is there's no there need no action immediately unless the house is on fire and you need to call 9-1-1 you know what i mean and it says so it says when these crop up we ask god it wants to remove them we discuss them with someone immediately doesn't say in four hours immediately and make amends quickly if we've already gone ahead and blown it, right? And snapped someone's head off. And then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. And it says thoughts. And I always tell my sponsees, especially in this situation is if you're at work, you can't really pick the phone up and call a drunk, but I can darn sure pray. And we were talking about praying for, and what was your son's name again? I'm sorry. Dan, I was going to say Don. Dan her son she was telling me some stuff about her son and I said I'll text all my sponsees because I always let them know that when they're doing their 10th step they need to have a list of people to be praying for. That's what that's about. My thoughts need to turn to her son. And I always remember these moments where I talk with these people because I think that's what I'm going to be doing in my 10th step when i have this this situation happen you know because i don't know about you guys but i think i made it to this program because other people prayed for me i don'T believe it was because i was praying for me because my prayers were very selfish god help me get me out of this one now i'm going to probably do it again tomorrow but just now you know and so the rest is everybody was watching katie go down the tube see so i believe there's a lot of power in this prayer of i mean our book is all about prayer and it says love and tolerance of others is our code that's a promise trust me, that's not who Katie is Katie by nature is not going to have love and tolerance. My first reaction is usually going to be a lot of pride unless I do this work. We've ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol so it talks about the insanity it talks abut recoiling as if it were a hot flame. There's lots and lots of promises and the one I love is it says we will, up on page 85 it says we will be placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected now that's from alcohol and then once we've got the we've got to the spot where Chris is real big about the recovered explaining that as if you're ill this means now that we're also in that position without the alcohol being at our backside right we don't have the flamethrower every day at us drugs and alcohol or we're not are not my problem today but to live in a position of uh to live in a place of a position of neutrality safe and protected i gotta ask yourself do you feel that way in life right i'd love to say yes but with our current situation i don't feel safe and protective i don'T feel like i'M IN A POSITION OF NEUTRALITY BECAUSE I'M DRIVEN BY FEAR OF WHAT WE'RE GOING TO BE GOING HOME TO THIS SITUATION RIGHT WITH the child deal. So I always have to be able to be that honest with myself. If I'm the guy in AA who's always in that position of neutrality, safe and protected, I don't really know if I want what you have. You know what I mean? I want somebody who's got, you know, families and issues and jobs and I need somebody who is going to tell me because otherwise I'm going to always feel inadequate. Does that make sense to you guys? That perfect AA person who you couldn't, you You know, you can't rattle their cage for anything. It's something for me to drive to, but I always like a little bit of that. So then it says a littlebit farther down that paragraph, this is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. Once again, there's the word fit. I get that. You absolutely cannot be fit unless you're willing to exercise at least five times a week. Is that bad news for some of y'all? Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, the old American Heart Association used to say three times a weak. Forget it. It's five. It's really six, but I'm trying to lighten up on you all a little bit here. See, and a lot of people that don't exercise at all, that's not good news, is it? See, that'S not good newS, and that's what this program is about. There is some work involved, and we are lazy. The book tells us we are not, you know, we are Lazy Individuals, and THAT is not good work. So this fits spiritual condition, but here's the deal, is you get yourself in the fitness world, you get yourself into this place when you're not working out and you're not taking care of yourself. You're not eating right. The way you feel is just the way you feel. That's just what you think is how you should feel. You know you could probably feel a little better if you exercise a little and ate a little better. Probably. Well, see, you have no clue. You have no clue how good you feel when you take care of your body, right? And this is not about guilt, shame, and remorse. If you got it, it's not my fault, right? It's just merely the facts. I live with it. I know. And so here's the deal is in order to, so what you do is you wrap your brain around the way you feel is just the way that you feel. And it's just okay. And I'm going to be okay with the way I feel. The truth is, is you have no idea how good you can feel. You kind of have a little bit by same thing is about this program is where you are today you can be so much better i can't wait for another 10 years of sobriety and i'll listen to these tapes and go oh my gosh where i was then and where i am today is incredible see because there's always that growth going on and it's the same you know you can't be as fit as you want to be or not you You know, you do get to make that choice. But there's a lot of work that goes with it. It says it's easy to let up on this spiritual program of action. It's easy. It's not easy to set up on the spiritual program of action see that's what Charlie and I are saying is we were all about the book when we got sober. So if you think that we never touch this book absolutely not we were All About The Book running conferences starting AA meetings yada yada that is absolutely no guarantee that you're going to keep this deal see i'm fit today been fit for a long long time but if i quit exercising tomorrow started eating bad in two years you saw me went whoa what happened to her man she puffed up like a toad right am i am i capable of that absolutely see that's what i'm saying is this thing is no there's no guarantee in this program because you've got to keep doing the work I walked away from the work because life got great started having another baby you know Joe and I our businesses took it was just great and wait thank you for getting me sober man Charlie got beat to the mat the bottom line is we both ended up in untreated alcoholism didn't matter that life got good or bad see so it says it's easy to let up on this spiritual program of action and rest on your laurels you can i just i i i give you a challenge in one month everything you've heard this weekend about the importance of prayer and meditation the importance OF getting this work done the importance Of working with others in one Month ask yourself where you are from this deal right say how much of this deal did i really take and put into action or did i just coast on the good feeling of this conference it says um we're headed for trouble if we do for alcohol is a subtle foe at 17 years the compulsion to drink came back the mental obsession let me tell you that is a scary how many of you guys relapse with a lot of time in this program anybody in here yeah that's a scary place isn't it that's the place where you go that's it was frightening frightening And Charlie never got the mental obsession back. And he still thinks he wouldn't have gotten the mental obsession back, but we won't argue that point. I got the mental obsession back. It scared the dickens out of me. So it says we're not cured of alcoholism. That's what Chris was talking about last night. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. And then it goes into talking all about that. And I love this because it says that we're going to sense this flow of god into our life right then it goes into the 11th step the last line though before this step once again it says but we must go further and that means more action there's nowhere in this book where it says we mustgo further when whenever you decide you want to right it says more action so it says step 11 suggest prayer and meditation now this is i mean no controversy when I make this statement. The word meditation destroyed me in the 11th step. To sit still in Katie's brain, I'd really rather put a bullet in my head. I'm telling you, it is not an easy task. I did codependency recovery. I didn't do that. I was not able to do that because I family of origin. I hugged the tree. I cannot sit still and quiet this mind. It's not for lack of trying, okay? I didn't give it three days. I tried and tried, and I decided that part of the step would be erased. I'm not going to do it. Then I find out, what, two and a half, three years ago, that in 1935 this is a 1940s dictionary, listen to the definition of meditation. Deep continued thought, reflection. Where is the other one? Ponder, contemplate. Interesting, right? So what I did is I took the 1960s when the Eastern religion of meditation came in into the lotus position and the home... I took that as what meditate meant only. And what I learned is it is so personal. that prayer and meditation is so personal and if that is what floats your boat man have at it but if if you absolutely cannot get to that eastern religious meditative state i don't think you have to at least i don t i have a fabulous relationship with my time in the morning and there may be maybe a moment or two or maybe a minute or two where i'm in that deep thought of listening okay and so what what ends up uh happening i think is and i wanted to give you some examples because once again that's what we do in this program is we give you what works for us and what works in this area and what doesn't i do um i i got involved in a positive prayer uh which i love it's the prayer where you set um things out there in your world how you would like them yes and people say well it says thy will not mine be done I understand that what I say is that my daughter has a close relationship with you God she has a job that she loves she's a wonderful mother she has peace and calm in her life I don't go I hope she has the big home on the hill and you know the nice fancy car I'm not praying for the material things I'm praying for this person to grow an understanding and love of what I'd like for them You know, if people were praying for me to get help in AA, you know, God, if that's your will, let that be done right at the end of it. And so these are the things I pray for. I pray för Charlie and I's relationship to continue to grow in love and peace and that his health be good and that he be 200 pounds and a few other things, you now. And these are The Things I Pray For him because I want us to grow old together, right? I don't want to bury another husband. And so these are the things I set out there. And I get into this level of positive prayer. I read two pages out of Sermon on the Mount. I love this book, and that's the book. I don't like to read 9,000 pieces of spiritual literature because I know Katie. She gets way too confused. And some people do, andthat's fine if that works for you. But I like my simple little world over here. There's a page on page 48 of these promises in here that says that if we live this way of life, you will be blessed to meet men and women in remote places like New Jersey. And men and women whom you've never heard or met will come into your life. That's pretty cool, huh? These are the promises I read. I put that out there. And then I do a little writing to God. And in this writing, I say, I, you know, I always, it's the listening to God, which is out of the Oxford group. I go back into our roots and I just write a little paragraph of some of my fears. And then I go into those couple of moments of quiet time with me and God and sit with that. And then, I write the answer that God would have. And this takes 20 minutes. And this is how I start my day, period. My day starts this way. When I was in untreated alcoholism, I grabbed a little quick Hazleton meditative book and read it and went, whew, wow. Sometimes I threw it in the car because I'd read it at the red light because I needed to get my meditation and prayer time in, right? And that was it. And so that's kind of one of the deals that is very, very important. And then when we go through the book here, it talks about all the stuff when we retire at night. See, it's very interesting. And I didn't even know this was in the book. When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? It goes through eight questions, you know. A lot of people go, I hit my knees and thank God that I'm sober. Well, it doesn't really say that. It says you better ask yourself eight questions. You know, so when you say you're doing the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, I guess you're dealing with a lot of alcoholism. You're doing an evening review too. I hadn't even seen it in the books. You know? That's pretty shocking news to me. And I do like writing it, and if I don't do it at night, I do it in the morning. Then it comes down here, and it says, upon awakening, let us think about our 24 hours a day. Once again, there is no thanking God for my sobriety. If you want to thank him for your sobriete, that is fabulous. But it says immediately we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced, that's a pretty powerful word, from self-pity, dishonest, and self-seeking motives. because and it says self-pity first it doesn't say divorce me from fear you know why how many of you guys wake up just in a great mood take on that world this economic crisis is exciting why don't we just flip on cnn first thing and fill ourselves full and see so what we do is it says self pity has got to be the first thing out hey first of all the older you get you don't even want to get out of bed most of the time right it's warm it feels good you know the dishonest and the self-seeking motives which would be the manipulation right once again that we talk about so then it keeps going it talks about our thought life and then it says in thinking about our day we may face indecision and then when you face indécision guys every day you face indecission like myself right it gives me clear-cut direction when I am confused should I call her should i not should i go there should i not my kid needs this should i do this well i better do follow the direction and and then it says we relax and take it easy and i love on the next side i'm almost done do i have two three okay uh the uh and let's see he robbed me of my 10 yeah he robbedme in my 10 minutes in the beginning here and so then it says over here on the bottom of page 87 it says as we go through the day we pause when agitated well let me tell you something if you're not working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous there is no pause button we're just agitated and watch out today may be the day i shoot my mouth off today i might not right it's a crap shoot and so unless i am working this program i don't even have a shot at the pause button and people are always saying well you know i paused at that moment you paused but how many of you guys have just shot your mouth right off oh absolutely matter of fact you sit in open discussion me that's all you hear is people shooting their mouth off you know this is actually a promise that we will pause when agitated because we've gotten ourselves into this god consciousness so then the last thing i want to end with is it says on page 88 says we alcoholics are undisciplined so we let god discipline us right that's what we're talking about is that level of undisciplinary so when we come over to working with others and i'm gonna let charlie do the the a lot of this too is is there is two lines in this part that is so crucial that i never once again even heard it says for you guys that are not sponsoring it says practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intense work with other alcoholics intense work not one sponsee intense work with others it works when other activities fail what that means is you lose your job you break up with your husband or wife those are those are mind-blowing yes i mean you know those are the things that man they're consuming every waking moment of my day you go work with a drunk period because prayer and meditation is not going to quiet this mind right writing an inventory is Not going to quiet this mind, but all of a sudden I jump in my car. I go down to the 24-hour club because, see, if you're thinking, if you are waiting for them to come to your home group, you need to go to them. You go on down to that 24- hour club and you say, who in here is hurting? I need a few minutes of your time. And you bring them over and you start explaining the doctor's opinion. And you walk out of there with your problems are gone for the time being, right? I am not saying they are completely lifted, but let me tell you, it is remarkable. And then the last part, it says on page 102, it says your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others. Remember we talked on page 20. It says our lives depend on the constant thought of others and by the time you get to 102 and you do this work, that's what will be happening. So never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives, and God will keep you unharmed. I want you to know that when it says keep on the hiring line, people like Chris and Charlie and I and other dear friends of ours, Chris R., Mark H., we're taking some arrows. You know what I mean? We're taking someros from a lot of people who don't like what we have to say because it talks about a firing line as far as I'm concerned. and it's going to tell you right there that sometimes when you step out there and you stand for what you believe in Alcoholics Anonymous you're going to knock some people down and you're gonna take some arrows and just remember you just stick with the pockets of enthusiasm and we'll continue to support it as long as we're not hurting anybody you know what I'm saying and so that's all I have Thanks Katie Thank you Good stuff We had decided we're both going to try to do a little bit of 10, 11, and 12. She covered it really well. Now, I'm not recapping what she said because this time we actually did decide that we were both going to try and cover it, but this way I can just go back through some quick bullet points of what she covered. One of the things we talked about is the timing of this. And keep in mind that we've gone through the work. We've made our list of amends, and we're cleaning up. One thing that she talked about was where it says when to do step 10 and waiting to meditate and everything. Right here on 84, it says continue four times in this paragraph. We continue to take personal inventory. We continueto set right any new mistakes as we go along. And we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. There's a key line right there. When do we start doing this stuff? As we clean up the path. There's the timing. I don't wait until I find little Timmy from the second grade to make my last amends to start praying and meditating. You know, we vigoriously commence thiswayoflivingaswecleanedupthepast. So if I've got it, you know, remember when we talked about how fast this stuff starts rolling? When a guy does a fifth step, they go home and they spend the hour. They do six and seven. They make their eighth step list. They're starting to make amends. They need to be doing 10, 11, and 12. So, I mean, look at how much ground we covered in a pretty fast period there. I don't see it taking a step a month. I don'T even know how that makes sense. It'S not one of the things that I believe in. It says we've entered the world of the Spirit. That is a huge promise. I have been let in to a world of the Spirit, which I had nothing to do with before. But my next function, and I looked up a word this morning, function here means a duty required in the course of work, required and expected activity. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch. Now there's four things it tells us to watch for, and then there's three things that it tells you to do about it. we're going to watch for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear that's all over the book it's in the resentment inventory it's all that stuff tells us the four things to do when we crop up about them ask somebody ask god to remove it talk to somebody else about it make amends if i need to turn my attention to somebody that i can help that's the big piece of it so i talk to god i talk to chris or somebody and then i make amens if i've made any damage but the thing about turning my attention to somebody I can help re-centers my spirit. It takes me out of that fear, it takes me outof that resentment, it take me out of whatever selfishness and it gets my spirit centered because now all of a sudden I'm out of self. Remember that the whole focus of this work is trying to get less self in my life, get a little less me on me. You know when I turn my attention to somebody i can help it completely changes where my thought pattern is. It says, and there's an interesting word in there where it says our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane. Well, love and tolerance of others is our code. Now, I have a very interesting little exercise I like to do with these promises at the bottom of page 84. If you go back to what it says on page 24, remember how I described this guy that's in a hopeless condition of mind and body? Let me show you the effect of this work we're talking about. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. Is that the way anybody showed up here? You know, I mean, that was me entirely. And now look at what happens. we get over here and we do the third step prayer on page 63 but now we know what the deal is that we're making at step 3 we're going to quit playing God he's going to give me what I need if I perform his work well and stay close to him now check this out look at what it says at the bottom of page 84 and see if this sounds like the guy we just described on page 24 and we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol for by this time sanity, thought and action I looked up sanity, and it means soundness of mind and judgment, showing good sense, rational, mentally healthy. Was anybody accused of that when you got here? You know, soundnessofthoughtandjudgment. It says sanity will have returned. I'll seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recall from it as from a hot flame. I react sanely and normally, and I'll find that this has happened automatically. Here's a line that used to throw me. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. And I used to read that and go, what do they mean without anythought or efforton our part? I've been working my tail off here. I've done, you know, a third step. I'vedone an inventory. I'm making all these amends and stuff. What do theymean no thought oreffort on ourpart? You know what they're talking about? Remember when I said the book takes a right turn in 60 to 63 and all of a sudden we're talkingabout selfishness and self-centeredness? We focus our work on the reduction of self and getting closer to this power, and we pop up over here on page 84 in a position of neutrality. I haven't been going, how do I not drink? How do I nicht drink? How do ich nicht trinken? I've worked on selfishness, and I pop up here on 84 and I go, good grief. I'm not obsessed with drinking every day. That's what they're talking about when they say that it's happened without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes. That's the miracle of it. We're not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We've not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. I've got in my book right here, Is It Yours? Is that your experience? That's how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. The thing that blows my mind is from the third step prayer, being this person that is without defense against the first drink, to this person who's been placed in a position of neutrality. We're talking about that much work. We're taking about going through 21 pages out of the big book. And that is the one thing that we will not do. You know, I mean, I come in with this chronic hopeless condition. And I get a little relief, and I'm like, well, that seems a little extreme, you know, doing all that. But how do you know what you don't know? That's the story of my life. When Katie talks about looking back on this stuff and seeing different experiences later, I fully expect that because the book says the best years of our existence lie ahead of us. It's not like the book tells us this is going to go really good for about 20 years, and then it kind of flattens out, you Know. If we stay in this work, it just gets better and better, and my understanding gets deeper and deeper. But how do I know what I don't know? If I don'T get into the work, if I DON'T trust the people and get with somebody that's done the work out of the book, it says in there you can't give it away if you don't have it. I think it's a fair question in Step 12 when it says, haven't had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. We try to carry this message to alcoholics. In my mind, if it's saying that the only answer for a drunk like me is this psychic change, and step 12 is saying it happens as a result of this work, to me it's a fair question if I'm shopping for a sponsor to say, have you had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps? And if the guy goes, oh, I'm like, rock on, pal. I'm going to go get some coffee over here. You know, I mean, the guy I'm looking for is the guy that's going to say absolutely. Absolutely, I've had a psychic change. If you're sitting in a room and you're trying to decide whether or not you've had a spiritual awakening, you probably haven't. You know, it's, well, I was going to say it's like an orgasm, you know. When you've heard of it, you're like, oh, my God. If you've ever had one, you've known something has happened. You know, if somebody's sitting there going, I think I had one one time. It's like, probably not. Did we tape that part? Yeah, thank you. But this whole, that's the driving force of this whole work. And it even goes even further to say it's easy to let up on the spiritual program and rest on our laurels. Laurels are our past accomplishments. months you know my work in the program in 2008 is not going to carry me in 2009 i was real busy in 2008 but i still don't it's not goingto carry me through this year you know i gotta keep in the work and it says i'm headed for trouble if i do every day is a day when we must carry the vision of god's will into all of our activities what all of her activities the vision of god will now we're talking about God consciousness. Now, we're talking about being conscious of God. That's what God consciousness means is it's part of my walking around. It's partof my experience in all of my decisions. When a problem pops up, I think about God when I'm thinking, you know, how has God a part? Where's God in all this actually becomes a working part of mine? That'swhat it's talking about it when it says we have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. Vital means necessary or essential to life a source of support of life and it's indispensable for existence this vital sixth sense for a guy like me is that thing where katie's talking about going to prayer as a default reaction not think think think i love when she talks about you know why it says think think think on the on the wall in aa clubs because three thinks is the limit you know yeah it's not think, think, thing, think and then I call Glenn and check my work here's what I've been thinking think,think,think and then go to God with it that becomes a default reaction well it's an interesting thing because it is a little but it says if we have carefully followed directions right here in my book I was like suggestive only It says, if we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. That's a pretty big promise. That's an open discussion meeting. You don't go in these open discussion meetings and hear people talking about, have you begun to feel the flow of God's Spirit into you? To some extent, have you become God conscious? That's the kind of stuff I like to talk about. You know, I mean, these are huge promises. And one of the things, you know, it's funny because in oral tradition AA, for lack of a better phrase, I come in and I start hearing stuff. I don't know, right? I'm just a drop walking into a meeting, you Know, and by God, I think I'll go to AA. And if I walk into AA and I hear something two, three, four times, it must be AA, right ? I mean, they said it at the A meeting. The guy looked like he knew what he was talking about, you know? And one of the things that I hear is people saying, well, you know, this is a selfish program. And I heard that enough that I thought, you know, it's a selfish problem. And I can't find it in the book, you know, and all throughout this book, it tells me that I'm a selfish person and this is selfless program. This is all about trying to get out of ourself. There's nothing selfish about our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs or thoughts that must go with us constantly. You're like, what? So all through the book, I'll write little things where it goes, selfish program with a question mark, you know, like questioning that belief that I carried around for so long. That's one of those things that when I first heard somebody say, no, it's not, I thought, well, wait a minute. At the noon meeting for the past 12 years, they've been saying it's a selfish program, you know? And I kind of liked that, you Know? Well, step 11, another thing I kept hearing was people talking about doing their 10th step review. You know, doing a 10th Step at night. Doing a written 10thstep. The 10thStep is a spot check inventory that we do as we're going through the day. It's to keep me on line because when I get away from the Spirit, I turn back to the line. I turn my thoughts back. I turn, but I have to keep turning back. because if I don't, by the end of the day, I'm pulling off this way. If I don' t do any evening review, I don''t know it, and I get up the next morning, and we're going that way, you know? And then by midday the next day, I don ''t know where we''re going. I don.''t even know when we left the path, right? Well, the Spot Check Inventory has these four things. Now, there's something interesting about the evening review. But it clearly says, Step 11 suggests prayer and meditation. The next page says, when we retire at night, we constructively review our day. It's part of Step 11. Here's the interesting thing, though, about Step 11, the evening review. It looks for the same four things that I'm supposed to have been looking for in the spot check inventory as I go through the day. Remember the four things we were going to look for? Selfishness, resentment, dishonesty, fear. Look what it says here. When we retire at night, were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? How did I do on my spot check inventory? Do I owe an apology? Remember the four things that said we were going to do about it? One of them was make amends. Do I own an apology, talk to somebody else about it, have I kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person who wants? Did I do the spot check imagery? was i kind in love and towards all remember it says love and tolerance is our code what could i have done better now here's you might ask yourself why do they have it in there twice if it's the same thing why would they put it in their twice because in the evening review we're going to bring god into it and it says here what could I have done better was I thinking of myself most of the time or was I thinking of what I could do for others or what I could pack into the stream of life i must be careful not to drift into worry remorse or morbid reflection why because that makes charlie feel bad it says no because that would diminish my usefulness to others so there it is again you know it's it's all about being in a place where i can be the most helpful after making our review here's the part that's not in the spot check inventory. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. So the stuff that leaked through my spot check inventory and the stuff that came up on it, now I'm taking it to God. And that's why I'm going to bed at night in this evening review. If you're like me, it's easy to think evening review must be at midnight. You know, if I stay up till a minute, it can be at dinnertime. I got in the habit of saying, you know what i can't grab the remote for the tv until i've done evening review i like to watch tv at night so it's like a little indicator to go oh wait a minute you know we can't turn on house or whatever it is you know until uh world poker tour or whatever you know until until i'm done my evening review and it doesn't take but a minute to sit there and go have the day go all right then i love what katie said and you remember how we i keep talking about how the book promised me clear-cut, specific directions on exactly how we recovered. If you really look at these instructions, they lay it out, I mean, action by action. They tell me what can you do in the morning? What do you do throughout the day? What doyou do at night? Other than that, I'm on my own. And when we get up in the mornin', it says on awakening. Well, let's see, when does that mean? Does that mean between the second and third cup of coffee? or does it mean on awakening? So when I wake up in the bed, I'll go, God, please help direct my thinking today. Divorce it from self-pity, dishonest, self-seeking motives. Divorced means to turn or go different ways, to completely separate from. So I need to completely separate from self pity, dishonest or self- seeking motives. See how we're setting up the day now? It sounds like a lot. The first times I looked at it, I remember thinking, you do this crap every day? You know, I mean, I got stuff to do. You know what I mean? I need to get out of the house, you know. But you look back later and you go, it's just part of what we do. We may be undecided. We ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought, or a decision. I looked up decision this morning. It says a judgment or conclusion reached or given. so if i can't make up my mind about how something should go today i ask god to give me an idea a decision about it and then it says chill you know we take we relax we take it easy we don't think think think think we relax and take it easily we're often surprised how the right answers come after we've tried this for a while it really does become a working part of the mind after a while inspired thought is something you start to rely on, you know, at first. But it tells us if we make this presumption, I looked up presumption. It means to take for granted, to overly rely upon. If I assume that I'm going to be inspired all the time when I'm new. I had a new guy come to me and he said he had some money from a settlement. He goes, I'm thinking I should give all my money to the Bill Gates Foundation, the $29,000 I got from the back settlement, and go work for them. And I went, well, that's admirable. But I don't know if Bill Gates is going to know that that's all of your money. You know, I mean, he might think you're one of the Rockefellers and that's just one of your little philanthropic wings, you know. But let's sit on that one for a little while. But he was inspired. I mean he was ready to stroke the check. The funny thing about it is when we've done all this, and it's like what Katie says, When I'm going through this word by word, it says we usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer. And I'm like, conclude the Period of Meditation? When did we meditate? I thought we were going to assume the lotus position and do 15 minutes of something. Now, I like that stuff. I do like it. And I tease people. I tease People like Katie. They go, well, I don't know how to meditate. You know, I just don't know how to meditate. And you're like, oh, really? Well, did you know how to do a four-column inventory when you got here? You know what I mean? We learn how to do it in here. You know? I mean, we don't operate on the tools we got here with. Just because I don't know how to meditate doesn't mean, so therefore, I don' t jack with it. But the way they're describing it here in the book, I really do think it supports that directed thinking, that deep thinking of setting up the day and, you know, getting God involved in it. Does that make sense? You know, and now if I want to do some silent meditation, rock on. But I think it augments the meditation process. I don't necessarily think that Bill and Bob and Ann Smith, when they were sitting around on Ardmore Street in Akron, were doing alms. You know? I really think that was a lot of that Eastern influence that came in in the 60s, And it came to be what our belief in meditation is. Great stuff, though. As we go through the day, there's even a piece of 11 that talks about going through the day. I call it, good, I call het pars, like in golf, P-A-R-S. I like acronyms. And pars is what I do as I'm going through the day. I pause, I ask, I remind, and I say. Now look, there's several. Remember the deal in the third step? The keystone that was going to hold everything together was the idea that I'm not playing God anymore. I am out of the God business. I'm no longer playing God. I'm out in management anymore. It says, the book takes me back to that position many times in the book. There's several places in the books where it takes me to that concept of I'm now in management. Here's one where it says, we pause when agitated or doubtful, ask for the right thought or action we constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show humbly saying to ourselves many times each day thy will be done i'm not going to ask for a show of hands but i mean how many people are many times each day saying thy will-be-done you know i mean that's what it's asking that's why it's You see how he keeps trying to take me into that God consciousness and keep me in that position of the third step? It slips by me occasionally. I know that many times each day part is a little tough, but that's the target. See how it's keeping me in, you know, that's what's driving force of this stuff. We're then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We don't tire so easily. We're not burning up energy foolish as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. And here's something cool. If you go back to page 62, when we made that deal with God, why are we going to quit playing God? I'm going to need a good reason. It says, first of all, we had to quit paying God. It didn't work. If it's working for you, rock on. You don't need this program. But if playing God's not working, look at what it says over here. It works. It really does. It really doesn't. They're like, we're not jacking with you here. This really works. And it says we alcoholics are undisciplined, so we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. The discipline means training that develops self-control, character, orderliness, and efficiency. Acceptance of or submission to authority and control. Not our long suit. You know, it says we alcoholics are undisciplined. So we do these disciplines. And my sponsor, I'll never forget the first day I met him when he kept saying, if you're not doing the disciplines of steps 10 and 11, you're nicht practicing the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you're niet praying and meditating on a regular basis, You're not working the suggested program of Alcoholics Anonymous. How's that 10-step program working out for you? And I was sitting there in untreated alcoholism going, I smell more. There might be more available. Ten minutes to do step 12. Well, you know what? Chris is actually ending with working with others who want. Good. Chris will nail working with others. The thing that I love that Katie talks about is that thing where it says it works when other activities fail. That thing I put in there about selfish programming is all through the border of working with other people. There's lines in here. I'll read you a couple of them. To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self-sacrifice and unselfish constructive action. What? Suggest how important it is that he placed the welfare of other people ahead of his own. Wait a minute. What happened to my selfish program? Never avoid these responsibilities, but be sure you're doing the right thing if you assume them. Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. It's unbelievable. It's all the way through here. Do not think of what you'll get out of the occasion. Think of whatyou can bring to it. But if you're shaky, you'd better work with another alcoholic instead. But it doesn't say you better get to a meeting or you better call your sponsor. Or it says you better work with another alcohol. It works when other activities fail. If my girlfriend breaks up with me and is sitting across the meeting room making out with the new guy, don't tell me to go meditate, you know. I mean, I'm going to stick a gun to my head, you Know. It's like working with others works when Other Activities Fail. You know, that's what we're talking about. Well, just turn it over and let it go. You know? Oh, yeah, okay. It says here your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed. You know what, honey? There's a couple of questions too if you want to. We'll do those off the mic. Do you want me to? Yeah. So I wanted to close with a couple of things. I didn't really have much time to go into working with others, but there are some very specific instructions about meeting with the new man, about how to do with him. It says find out all you can about him, relate to him, let him talk about his drinking, Again, make it clear to him that working with him is part of your own recovery. In the first six or seven pages of working with others, there's specific instructions about the first visit with a new man, what to do with the first visi. And it implies that there's going to be a second visit. During the first vise, you find out if he's a drunk. You let him know you're a drunk If you're convinced that he's alcoholic, which implies to me that you're going to qualify this new guy, find out if he's alcoholic. We're quick to assume that everybody that comes to AA is alcoholic. It's important to find out IF he's got this deal. And if he does and he wants to quit, if he makes any inference that he wants to quit then we lay out the program of action for him, we ask him if he is willing to go to any lengths, we give him an idea of what that's going to look like and then we leave the book with him and we go away. And it says, suppose now you're making your second visit to the guy. He's read this book and he says he's ready to go through with the program of action. That's what they're talking about over here when it says of alcoholics who came to AA and really tried. Now listen, if we follow the specific instructions that are in this book, listen to the kind of success rate they're getting. Of alcoholics Who Came to AA And Really Tried, 50% Got Sober At Once. and remained that way. 25% sobered up after some relapses. That means 75% of the people that were coming to them, they were alcoholics that came to them on that second visit and really tried. They were getting a 75% success rate with them and of the ones who stayed on with AA, they showed improvement. That's not the kind of success rates I'm seeing in the open discussion meetings out there. I'm not seeing three out of four new people that come into the fellowship stand sober. That's why I love this book, and that's why i'm drawn to the solution that's in here. It says keep on the firing line. Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum service and helpfulness to others. There's a thing in here where it says... Where did I put it? it's in a vision for you and it says thus we grow and so can you though you be but one man though you be but one man with this book in your hand we believe and hope it contains all you'll need to begin both you and the new man this is on page 100 both you and the New Man see if there's any promises in here both you and the man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress if you persist remarkable things will happen When we look back, and it's a key line there that when we look back, because sometimes when I place myself in God's hands, it seems like I'm about to get gypped. But it says, when we looked back, we realized that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God'S hands were better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a higher power, and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances. I want to express our deep gratitude for you letting us come in here this weekend and talk to you it's been a great group Katie it's been a joy to be up here with you and I know you got something you want to close with too thank you I'm glad y'all have picked up on my personality oh thank you yeah Charlie that was great that you know there was there's a couple of things there's never enough because I mean I think you guys especially when we get to spend the weekend with you. You can tell that Charlie and I are extremely passionate about this program because what ended up happening is, you know, when you're around for 24 years and the last five you're on fire, not to mention we hadn't been before, but it's pretty remarkable and we don't want to see people sitting here missing it and so if our passion comes across as things you don't agree with or whatever, please understand what we're coming from. It is truly we're come from a position of help and trying to get you to where you need to go. It's kind of like children. I mean, how many times are you trying to help your kids and they fight you the whole way? And two things I wanted to mention. One was Chris had said something last night about he couldn't understand sometimes in life why some of his worst situations ended up to be blessings. And I have a take on what I think that's about is that sometimes some of our worst situations are self-will. and the minute I'm in self-will and I am burning it down like the book promises I will and I'm the train running into the wall and I get to that place where I'm on my knees and I're begging God for help that's when he picks me up and he brings me to the second half of the third step prayer which is he takes away my difficulties and victory over them are to help you I don't believe he was at all involved in me wrecking the train I believe the train wreck was all my doing so I believe he carries it That's how he's like, he's just so full of love. And then the other thing is about self-pity. I use self-pitie. Have you ever been around people in the program where you talk to them and oh my God, all they got is problems. And you're like, oh, you just puked on me, man. It got all over me. And I have been that person. Trust me. I know it well. I view self- pity as like glue and you're trying to wipe it off your arm with a Kleenex, you know? And when I am in self-pity, I am of no value to anyone. So do look in the book and see how many times it talks about us being in self pity. And then I want to end on something that I love. Charlie ends on page 100 and cries like a big old titty baby all the time, doesn't he? Just like a bigger weenie crier over here. Cry, cry, cry. He likes to call it as like a little girl in a pink dress. I call it big old titty baby. But Daily Reflections has, and I love this particular reading out of Daily Reflexions. It says, although I don't read Daily Reflection in my meditation, it's happened to be something I picked up out of the book that I love. It says it's talking about paradoxes, and such is the paradox of AA regeneration, strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, which doesn't look good, right, when we're in it. The loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one is an A.A. comes of age, but I love the way it explains it. What glorious mystery paradoxes are, they do not compute, yet when recognized and accepted, they reaffirm something in the universe beyond human logic. Once again, we're going to have to go outside of what we wrap in our brain around it. When I face a fear, I'm given courage. When I support a brother or sister, my capacity to love myself is increased. So when I help you, I love me. When I accept pain as a part of the growing experience of life, I realize a greater happiness. When I look at my dark side, I am brought into a new light. When I except my vulnerabilities and surrender to a higher power, I am graced with an unforeseen strength. I stumble through the doors of AA in disgrace, expecting nothing from life, and I have been given hope and dignity miraculously the only way to keep the gifts of this program is to pass it on and we thank you so much for having us thank you Chris and Karen for all your hard work