The Daily Reprieve – Workshop – Part 1 of 3 – Peter M. and Simon C – Peter Marinelli and Simon C

Good morning everyone. My name is Peter and I'm still an alcoholic. Hi Peter. I slept well, how about you guys? Good. I was exhausted. Okay, right we're going to do three quick sessions and we're gonna look at 10, 11 and 12. Just kind of recap slightly and see where we are. I'll use Bill's story for this because Bill's story is very interesting. If we look on page 8 of the book, and there's some sort of chronology going on here. He was in Towns Hospital for the first time being treated for alcoholism. And he overheard Dr. Silkworth and his wife talking in the hallway. And Dr. Silkworth said that this guy there's no hope for your husband. If he carries on drinking he's either going to die or go insane and Bill said no words can tell the loneliness and despair I found in a bit of morass of self-pity, quicksand stretcher all around me I'd met my match, I was overwhelmed, alcohol was my master That's Bill's first step and it's around about the 11th of November 1934 A month or so later maybe a few weeks later Ebby Thatcher his old drinking buddy turned up and sober and Bill was drinking and they started discussing what had happened to Ebby and Ebby got sober on the spiritual program and Bill kind of took his second step it said it meant only a matter of willing to believe in a power greater than myself nothing more was required of me to make that beginning that statement that you can choose your own conception of God hit him hard, it melted the ice of the intellectual mountain I lived and shivered for many years I stood in the sunlight at last Bill took his second step drunk that's very interesting isn't it he goes into hospital and this is kind of a recap in what we talked about yesterday the insider in hospital for his third treatment around about the 11th or 12th of December 1935 he humbly offered himself this is on page 13 he humply offered himself to God as then I understood him to do with me as he would step 3 I placed myself unreservedly in his care and direction I admitted for the first time that I myself was nothing and that without him I was lost I ruthlessly faced my sins as he calls them there and became willing to have my new found friend take them away root and branch it sounds like step 4, 5, 6 and 7 my schoolmate visited me I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies I made a list of people I'd hurt and towards whom I felt resentment that sounds like 5 and beginning of 8 I expressed an entire willingness to approach individuals admitting my wrong step 9 never was I to be critical then I was to write all such matters the utmost of my ability step 9 I was test my thinking my new God consciousness within common sense and uncommon sense testing my new God consciousness sounds to me like step 10 I was sit quietly when in doubt asking for direction and strength to meet my promises that he would have me sounds like step 11 never must I pray for myself but except my request bore on my usefulness to others then only might I receive here's a promise I might receive in great measure and my friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my creation and all elements and I would have all the elements of a way of living not just staying sober all the element of a life a way of living which answered all my problems not just not drinking belief in the power of God plus enough willingness honesty and humility to establish and maintain the order of things with the essential requirements. Simple but not easy, a price had to be paid. The price has to be paid is the destruction of self-centeredness. We saw yesterday that our problem is selfishness and self-centredness. That is the root of our problem according to our basic text. This is a textbook. It's meant to be studied. I thought last night about a number of things that I missed out on. I've found over the years that this has layers this book has layers and layers and every time I revisit it I get to see something new around about the 15th or 16th of December he had this mountaintop experience and Dr. Silkworth came up to him and said if something has happened to you I don't understand but you'd better hang on to it anything is better than the way you were and his friend emphasised the absolute necessity of demonstrating his principles in all my affairs and particularly was it imperative to work with others as I did work with me so that's step 12 to me so Bill took somewhere around the 15th, so he went into about the 11th and somewhere around the 16th of December after looking through this programme and doing the best he could he had a spiritual awakening now my spiritual I've had a not an experience but an awakening a slow awakening over the years some of us have very large upheavals mine's been a very slow thank goodness been a pretty slow pretty slow thing and so just reviewing it it was very quick they did in the early days and the people who wrote this book worked the program very quickly the reason why they worked the program very quick is they couldn't guarantee how long they were going to stay stopped drinking because when I stop drinking I get worse my condition gets worse when I stop drinking because alcohol fixes what's wrong with me a week two weeks, six months after not drinking I'm nuts I'm falling apart I need something to fix me what the program does it accesses a power that fixes me and I get we talked we looked at the promises promises yesterday if we're painstaking about this phase of our development the ninth step if we are painstacking about the ninth steps we're going to maze before we're halfway through we're not going to regress the past or just to shut the door in it the past becomes my greatest asset to take to a new kind my past, what happened to me in my past is my greatest aspect to identify with another drug we will comprehend the word serenity no peace that's what I wanted really and it's interesting that the feeling of uselessness or self pity would disappear one of my problems is self pity selfishness, self pity we will lose interest in selfish things we ask for those to be removed in the sixth step they begin to get removed or sixth and seventh step they began to get removed by work in the ninth step that's how this works and it's very very interesting that the self-seeking will slip away our whole attitude and all that fear of people fear goes away we will suddenly realise that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves that I've got power now I've got power and it says here in the book on page 84 it says this brings us to the tenth step we get brought by that power to the tenth step I didn't get you on my own anymore which suggests that we continue to take personal imagery and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along we vigorously is another very strong they use very strong words in here vigorously, let's get a sweat up commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past don't wait step 10 is accessing the power every day it's very interesting it says that this looks like it's in the wrong order it says we continue to watch our next function so we've had one function is to, we've said yesterday that our main function was to be, to fit ourselves to be of usefulness to others here's another function our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness how do I understand this program, how much do I understand about this, what am I trying to achieve here and so it's telling me that I need to study, I need to find out how to do this and believe me anybody can do what we're doing. We're not special. Anybody can do what we do. Any member of the group synonymous with the knowledge and the experience of working this stuff can do what we do. It's not special. He says there's no overnight matter this continued for a lifetime. This should continue for a lifetime. This is what I do now. This is what I do for a lifetime. Now some people say 10, 11, and 12 are the maintenance steps. They're the growth steps. they're the growth steps I can't stay where I am halfway through my amends I've got to grow in effectiveness I've gotta grow in understanding and it tells me what to do now and it's during the day this next paragraph tells me how to do during the night and it tell me I continue to watch what for we've had these before selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear oh those are the things we were looking for in our fourth step in the journey well they haven't gone away continue to watch someone that I admire very much in Alcoholics Anonymous says that watch is a spiritual spiritual practice I watch I watch I watch for selfishness dishonesty, resentment and fear when these things crop up not if when these things crop up I ask God at once to remove them I don't hang around in my resentments I don' t hang around in my dishonesty I don´t hang around in my fear once I recognise them I have a tool now called fourth step inventory where I can write stuff down on paper I can write resentments down on paper I can write fears down on paper I can write my behaviour down on paper so we ask God if he wants to remove them next there's several instructions here the first instruction, continue to watch the second instruction, when these crop up we ask god to immediately ask him to remove third instruction, we discuss them with someone immediately a sponsor if you sponsor people expect phone calls and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone so that contains step 4 step 5, step 6 step 7, step 8 and step 9 during the day then another instruction sounds like next we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help love and tolerance of others is our code I'm supposed to turn up in life with love and intolerance now here's if you do that here are the best promises in the book and we have ceased fighting anyone and everything even alcohol that could be an instruction stop fighting everything I've got to be told I've gotta be told that because it doesn't just happen but this is amazing for by this time sanity will have returned what did we mention in step 2 was returns to sanity here it is in step 10 it's taken a while it's taking a while we will seldom be there's another promise we will seldom be interested in liquor if tempted we recoil us from a hot fire we react sanely and normally and we will find that this has happened automatically automatically no effort on my part only the effort of working the steps up to this point we have seen that our new attitude towards liquor has been given to us without any thought or effort on our own part it just comes now in my understanding that this is why I introduced myself to becoming an alcoholic before I got here to this point alcohol dominated my life it dominated my thoughts we're not fighting it either we avoid temptation we feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected we have not even sworn off instead the problem has been removed it does not exist for us that's recovery the problem has been removed we need the cocking or are we afraid this is our experience it is the experience of the people who wrote the book, they're not making this up they're saying that this is our experience. We can guarantee this. This is how we react so long as we keep in a fit spiritual condition. It now goes on to tell us how we stay in a fit spiritual condition It never leaves anything out of this book. It's easy to let up on a spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. Laurels meaning achievements We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol Alcohol is a subtle foe. Subtle means sly, clever, devious and difficult to detect. So I'm an alcoholic, my disease is sly-devious, clever and difficult to detect, when I'm in it I don't know I'm it. that's why I need a sponsor that's what I need is strong fellowship around me that can care more about my life than my feelings I like fellowship around me that cares more about my life and my feelings because they're going to tell me when I don't want to know when I'm acting out foe is a personal enemy it's not an army it's a personal enemy so I have an enemy here which is sly, clever, devious and difficult to detect waiting to get me personally we are not cured of alcoholism you see when I say recovered people hear cured I'm not cured what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition every day is a day we must carry the vision of God to all our activities how can I best serve thee thy will be done with mine these are the thoughts that must go with us constantly there's another must we can exercise our will our willpower along this line and all we wish is the proper use of the will oh my I've got willpower one of the things about resentment is that when I first saw resentment and equated it with anger it said that I sort of thought I wasn't allowed to get angry and I used to bottle it up and I ended up having rage attacks so that and it's fine getting angry as long as I identify that I'm angry and I can write down, I've got a tool now, Ive got a fourth step inventory tool if necessary I'll write it down I'm an angry act and I'll be writing it down quickly because I can't go through the day carrying that anger because if I go through that day carrying the anger I've got a tool here so I continue to watch for selfishness sometimes I can do it in my head sometimes I've gotta write it down if we carefully follow directions we have begun to sense the flow of God's spirit in us to an extent we have become God conscious we have begun to develop this vital sixth sense but we must go further so what this book is telling me that during the day from as early as I possibly can and I try and ask I try and ask when they get to step three to begin this idea of asking God in to the day every day, we'll look at step 11 and that's how it works in the old days in the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous in the earlier days they insisted on quiet time in the morning more than meetings the quiet time in the morning which is 10-11 was more important to them than going to meetings because that's where we get the power you see it says here that my I have a daily reprieve based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition, every day is the day when I must carry a vision of God's will into all my activities how do I do that? I start the morning quiet I start the morning quite and ask God in as we'll see in chapter 11, ask God in I very very quickly take it back now that I'm in the car and we're traveling you know, no one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to this but when I do it I am much calmer I am a much more able to do what I do I'm much more able to go into all my activities with this feeling of everything's okay and everybody else is okay too it's cool I can do what I need to do but it says here to an extent to some extent it doesn't say we're suddenly saintly it says to some extend we have become God conscious and we have begun just begun step 10 we've just begun to feel this vital extent but it says we must go further that needs more action this is action, action, action. It doesn't rest anywhere here. Here we go. This is momentum that moves on. I don't get a whip out and whip sponsors and say you've got to do this, you've got to be able to do this, do it at your time. How free do you want to be? How well do you want to do it? How quick do you want do this? You need power, access power quickly. You are powerless. If you really take a step one, Powerless over alcohol. You're powerless. If you really take a step when your life's unmanageable, you need power. Access that power quickly. That's what these guys did when they wrote the book. They accessed this power quickly and they knew how urgent this was. This is urgent. This kills me. This kills my life. It kills me and it may not kill me quickly. Somebody once said don't threaten me with death. Don't threaten with a long life drinking or a long live untreated alcoholism. that's hell I've been there, I know what it's like I don't want to go back you know, death doesn't frighten me it would have been a relief yeah and I can't live without this this shows me 10, 11 and 12 shows me how I can have a full and successful life again it's simple we both said it yesterday after we went through it it is so simple this is just so simple, there's nothing complicated in here they've cut it down to the bare minimum because there are no alcoholics alive these guys were alcoholics they had some kind of they had some kindof insight into by the time they'd done this insight into the way that they thought and I will complicate anything, that's what I do I complicate things if I can get the discipline to stick to what has been said in here one of the things, one of my problems that I find is you go to a step meeting and I have never been to a set meeting yet that doesn't use the 12 and 12 I've hardly ever been to a setting that uses the big book now in the foreword or preface to the 12 and12 it says something like the big book about Ars Anonymous is the manual if you like that tells you how to do the steps the 12 and 12 was a set of essays written by Bill W to pad out the essays that he wrote to publicise the 12 traditions he was persuaded to do it by the editors who said this is too thin what we need is a bit of a book couldn't you write some essays on the 12 steps from your perspective of something like somewhere between 7 and 12 years sober and that's what he did now there is no directions in the 12 and 12 on how to take the steps they are essays they're wonderful if you're down the line a while and you want to get some greater ideas and depth around each step but for a newcomer working the steps the first time I look at step 4 in the 12 and 12 and I am mystified. It confuses me. I can't do it. So why, I don't understand why we study it in step meetings. I don'T understand. There's like something like 40 pages here which give us all the directions that we need to work the steps and it is simple. If you read Bill's essays as he went on and on, he wrote essays on the, I mean Bill was an alcoholic. He was also a night school lawyer and if you read his essays on the, you read the book it's fabulous. You read the essays on 12 steps they start to get complicated. The traditions are fabulous.You read the essays that he wrote on the concepts of world service and you need a legal dictionary they are very complicated Bill was a very complicated guy and that's why this book is so simple because he sent out stuff to the other groups and they said this is too complicated Bill let's just keep it down this, just keep it simple. Dr. Bob's last words the last time Bill saw Dr. Bob was he said as Bob walked down, as Bill walked down the garden the old guy was leaning on the door barely able to stand up, said to him Bill let's just keep this simple simple but not easy but simple and needs to be simple. I need to be able to do this when I'm bouncing around the floor, just coming into an Thanks Peter, my name is Simon Plark, I'm a recovered alcoholic, I've been back this morning and thanks for turning up, I see a few of the same faces here from yesterday so that's good I echo Peter's words on the simplicity of the way of living in step 10 and if you look at pages 84 to 85 that tell you what step 10 is you will notice that there are four things I need to do on a daily basis and one prayer in a page and a half so with those four things I need to do on a daily basis which is continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear when they pop up ask God at once to remove them, discuss them with someone immediately, make amends quickly if I can't find anyone and turn my thoughts towards somebody I could help that's like a daily mechanism for me it becomes a way of living practice there are four simple things for me to do there on a day to day basis the rest of this page and a half is full up with promises there's a prayer here how can I best serve thee thy will not mine be done four simple things in a prayer with a bunch of very heavy promises for the real alcoholic it's very very simple step ten one thing that I've learned the hard way is that I've learnt to discuss Selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear During the day with someone immediately Not dump it And I had to learn the hard way with that I also learned that I don't go into a meeting And share my selfishness, dishonesty, Resentment and fear In one hour in the day when we have to talk About God on the steps I go before the meeting If I need to discuss selfishness Dishonesty, resentment and prayer Or I stay after the meeting to do it But I never share my selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear in one hour when we have to carry this message to the new come. I work daily with this. What I find is that the more that I am practicing 10-11 and the more I'm involved in 12 and the nightly, the more free of selfishness dishonesty resentment and feel I am when I'm working with others. when it comes up not if it comes up as Peter mentioned and you see ultimately my first action is to go to God I go to God at once before I go to human power that's interesting God could have anything of sort no human power can relieve my alcoholism you see where they're asking us to turn towards God first let me discuss this with somebody immediately so I go to the real power before I go to human power make amends quickly and then turn my thoughts towards somebody that I can help and that can be I have a job which I'm generally at between 8 o'clock in the morning and 7pm at night or sometimes a bit earlier sometimes I will pick up resentment or fear will arise within a business situation at work I go to God quietly and ask him to remove it I'll then call my sponsor and sometimes if I need to make amends I'll go and clean it up really immediately because I need to get unblocked of what's blocking me and you know when you're blocked because you start to become restless or a little discontent and I know when I'm blocked sometimes I turn my thoughts towards someone I can help in the business environment be it making my boss a cup of tea or making the assistant a cup of tea or trying to help them, asking if there's anything I can do to help them to get out of self, to get away from what's blocking me sometimes it was well in the home and it can be anywhere I can turn my thoughts towards somebody I can help the promises around the tenth step are for me some of the biggest in the book especially these two. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. What it doesn't say there is that you will always be recovering. And this is free and available for everybody. This is not exclusive. The book is Alcoholics Anonymous. This is why the success rates in the early days were so strong if you turn towards the forward to the second edition you'll see that the book was being sent out 800 frantic inquiries and then several months later 800 people on their way to recovery why because the book has been sent out to people people were following the instructions in the book turning around and working with others and the success rates were so high the book is Alcoholics Anonymous I'm a student and practitioner of the big book Alcoholics Anonymous. And I can tell you now from my own experience, everything that it gets promised in here, I have experienced and continue to experience. I'm here to share with you that if you are a real alcoholic and if you want this solution, you can experience the same deal. It also says that AlcoholicsAnonymous, it says it is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action. Alcoholics Anonymous is a spiritual program of action. Subtle foe. Yeah, I also heard it was artful and crafty. Artful and craftly. Someone else told me it was hiding in the shadows waiting to pounce. Great words for alcoholism, I understand that because when I'm in selfishness and self-centeredness I don't always know I'm here. Infantry will reveal to me that I am. Delusion will tell me if you ask me during the day, hi Simon how's it going? Yeah fine, I'm working with these guys. It's going well, it's going great. But when I come to do a nightly review that we'll talk about in step 11, the nightly reveal will actually reveal the truth. And I have to watch for this stuff. That's the selfishness I need to watch forward, the self delusion. Because I want everybody to see, you know, I put on my AA game face and isn't he a good group member? A good member of Intergroup, a great sponsee. Look how well he's doing in Alcoholics Anonymous and I'll predict what we read yesterday each alcoholic is like an actor who wants to run that whole show but I'll get to the end of the night in a nightly review and infantry will reveal something different but my pride will prevent me from telling you the truth I really have to watch for this stuff my experience has been that the more I practice this and it isn't discipline intent the more I practice it and incorporate it into my day the more free I become and the less full up my nightly review is in step 11 the less noisy my head is first thing in the morning and I like paybacks effort and paybacks you know, I love to feel free, I like to wake up in the mornin' with my head quiet I love tgo to bed at night with my heart at ease and my mind at peace feeling the presence of this power and I have to watch for this stuff sponsorship in 10 and 11 I've experienced first class sponsorship around 10 and11 it's not really the mistakes that I'm making that is the problem it's me justifying the mistakes that I am making I have to remain truthful about this you know my ego and my character will say I can't go to my sponsor with this because I've created the situation that I'm just a model sponsor and I can' t let him know that I' m suffering in this area because look at what I' M doing over here I have to level my pride I go and this is where I'm going on and ultimately As we've read in the previous page or two, it says our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. Step 10 unblocks me and enables me to achieve that. And as a result of that, I'm a much more effective employee at work. I'm much more efficient with Alcoholics Anonymous and Cocaine Anonymous. I'm mucho más efectivo en mis relaciones familiares. I'm much more effective as being a friend so I'm not stuck in me I have a way out of doing that during the day so that I can pack into the mainstream of life as it asked me to do in step 11 sometimes I'm not always able to pick the phone up and discuss it at once with somebody sometimes I am in a business situation and I am unable to do that that's why I go to God first that's what I do book asked me to go to first because my real reliance is upon that power I call God. We're not cured of alcoholism and I agree with Peter. I introduce myself as a man who has recovered. It's been my experience, it's what the book asks me to do when working with others. I'm not cured of alcoholism, I have a daily reprieve, contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Not contingent upon the maintenance on my ten years and ninety days. On the maintenance of my spiritual condition. And the reason I share things like that with you is because I'm talking from experience here of trying every other way of getting sober. Through treatment facilities, through a detox through therapists, through counsellors and through what I call middle of the road Alcoholics Anonymous which is information very contrary to the information that gives me access to God out of the vehicle of AlcoholicsAnonymous I'm a real alcoholic I needed the 12 step program of AlcoholicAnonymous and I tried every other imaginable remedy suggested to me by well being members of AlcoholixAnonymous I needed the spiritual experience in order to get sober it's the only thing that's worked for me and I'll challenge that information when I hear that information of just don't drink, go to meetings do 90 meetings in 90 days I will challenge that information because for the real alcoholic that type of information, it will not work I'm done with Step 10. Thanks. Thank you. It's interesting, I couldn't figure this out for a long time because it says that this is, it sort of says that we continue to watch for sufferers and fear. When we start to look at Step 11, it says which suggests prayer and meditation. It says when we retire at night and then further down the page it says on awakening and sounded like it was backwards to me but then someone explained to me they said well doesn't it say that after you've done your fifth step you go back home and you're quiet for an hour well if you've don't a really good fifth step, it's probably going to take you pretty much all day and so you go home in the evening and you sit quiet for a hour and you take your book down from the shelf and you read your bits and pieces and you do your sixth and you go to bed and you sleep really well probably for the first time in a little while and then it says the next day, next we go out and learn vigorous action and we start knocking on doors so this is now the next say now it says while we're knocking on the doors we continue to watch for selfishness dishonesty, resentment and fear so here we are in the day at the end of that day you see how quick this is at the ends of that we retire we constructively review our day now I didn't see step 10 as a practice that I should do every day for years in our lives for years I think if I'd have been watching for selfishness, dishonesty resentment and fear maybe at 16 years sober I wouldn't have got myself into the situation that I got myself in where I end up locking myself in a room and wanting to die dry completely and knowing that I couldn't drink and that's the other deal knowing that i couldn't drink because i was an alcoholic but there was some other stuff that was looking very attractive and i went to see a doctor and i said to the doctor look i'm an alcoholic and i don't want anything i don' t want to take anything for the way that i'm feeling but can you help me because I'm dying and luckily he was a GP who understood alcoholics and he sent me to see a cognitive therapist now what was very interesting after three sessions with the cognitive therapist in the meantime I'd gone back to Alcoholics Anonymous and someone in the room was wise enough to hand me this book and say about time you worked the steps again you see one of the things that happened was a long time ago I heard a tape by someone a guy called Clarence, Clarences and I do apologise this has been an open thing I've got to say that I actually mentioned some surnames of some members of Alcoholics Anonymous yesterday they are dead but I mentioned them and this is an open deal and I shouldn't have done that and I did apologise for that and Clarenced said you do the first 9 steps once you don't ever have to do them again and I believed that and I believed that but what I wasn't doing was living in 10 and 11 I didn't continue to watch, I didn' t continue to take imagery I didn''t do nightly review and what that happened was that I got into selfishness I got in to dishonesty I got into resentment I was in fear and in that fear I wanted mine and I went down this route and I was with this cognitive therapist and the third session I went to this cognitive therapist I had all this stuff all these handouts and stuff and in my pocket I had the little the little card that had the 12 traditions and 12 steps on it and I handed this to her and I said you know this is great but you see these 12 things here I think I ought to be doing these and she looked at them and she said yeah I reckon you should bye bye and I never went again I never went again and I haven't needed to change the way that I'm feeling since I got sober I've wanted to many times you see what happens is this look at Bill's story again this is great because this really tells me that he's a real alcoholic he's had this experience it's nearly kicked him out of bed he's been up on a mountain the wind's been blowing through him he's seen God he has seen God and it says that his friend emphasised the absolute necessity after he gets out of hospital he says that if an alcoholic failed to enlarge and perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice of others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he didn't work, he'd surely drink again. If you drank, you would surely die. Faith without works would be dead indeed. With us, it is just like that. I have to take action. And then he says, my wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm for the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution to their problems. That was an original thought of Bill's. Brilliant. I was fortunate for my old business association to remain sceptical for a year and a half, during which time I found little work. That was a bit of a gift really, so he could do a lot of work without our colleagues. I was not too well at the time, I was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. He's had this white light experience on the top of a mountain, yet six months later, he can't get out of bed. Seriously, he Can't Get Out Of Bed. he had imaginary ulcers and all sorts of strange stuff so this is what happens to us, so don't be surprised if somewhere down the line you get depressed somewhere down The Line you don't feel good but we've now got a set of tools we've just going to come to one of the most powerful tools we've got now got a set tools, a really big powerful tool for me is the inventory process because it gets me to see what's wrong the next one is this next one prayer and meditation step 11 I'm going to do it backwards I'm gonna go to on awakening because this is what they emphasised in the old days newcomers this is why this is how they emphasised they emphasise this it says halfway down page 86 it says on awakening let us look at the 24 hours ahead so as I awake yeah now again if you want proof that there's a power at work here unless you have an alarm clock that wakes you do you just awaken some mornings generally I kind of wake up now, I wake up around 6 o'clock I get awakened in the morning upon awakening let us look at the 24 hours ahead now again this is backwards it says we consider our plans for the day full stop before we begin before we give in what before we begin to consider our plans for the day we ask God to direct our thinking especially asking that there be divorce from self-pity dishonesty and self-seeking I do that in bed it's a discipline I do but I wake up and I say please God divorce me from self-belief, dishonesty and self-denial as to that then I have a little thing that I do I use the third step prayer I use the seventh step prayer I consider my day I sit quiet under these conditions we can employ mental faculties with assurance now, when I came here I couldn't trust my thinking I was insane it tells me in step 2 I'm insane this is restoring the sanity I'm nuts I couldn' t trust my thinkin now it's telling me in step 11 I can trust my thikin why? because I'm accessing a power I can begin to trust my thinkin we can employ our mental faculties with assurance for after all God gave us brains to use our thought life will not maybe, will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is clear with wrong motives inventory process, I find out what my motives are I'm selfish, I'm self-seeking I'm dishonest I want those taken away you notice that they keep on about this it's the same defects all the way through it's exactly the same for 4, it's the same defects to be taken away in 5, we're watching the same defects in 10, now we're asking them in 11 to be taking away. The same defects self-pity self-seeking dishonesty It says again, it goes back to that thing in the book it says selfishness, self-centeredness that we think is the root of our problem I have a disorder of self in thinking about a day we may face indecision I'm thinking about my day I'm planning my day I may face indecision would I do that scream a shout and rush about no that's what I used to do I used to go ah ah no it says no we may not be able to determine which course to take here is another prayer we ask God for inspiration or intuitive thought or decision we relax and take it easy we don't struggle we relax and take you easy we will be surprised how the right ones has come when we've tried that for a while so what I do is I sit behind I sit quiet, I learn to meditate I sit quiet I try and stop the noise in my head I can't stop it, I detach from it I sit quiet I think about my day ahead I think about what's going to happen in the day ahead sometimes I don't even do that I think well I've got to do this that and the other thing today ok just go just go I don'T get any great inspiration I DON'T get quiet very often I've GOT THE NOISY HAND but it tells that's what I'm supposed to do at the beginning of the day and in the early days they say set this aside set this time aside I timed it this morning it takes about 45 minutes I set aside 45 minutes somebody said a long time ago God's doing all this stuff for you keeping you sober, how much time are you spending with God that time was about 3 minutes in the shower or whatever and I was in my day yeah and it's asking me here that I consider my plans for the day before I start I look at what's going to happen, I sit quiet and I ask for the pattern as I say in the old days these guys were really keen on this and it says there's a warning here well the first one is a promise and what used to be a hunch or occasional inspiration will gradually become a working part of the mind being still inexperienced here's a warning, being still inexperienced at this seeking guidance stuff and having just made conscious contact with God and this is what we're doing when we're being quiet praying is asking quiet time, meditation if you like is listening for the answer it is not probable we're going to be inspired at all times we may pay for this presumption with all kinds of absurd actions and ideas when you sponsor a few newcomers newcomers' ideas, I love them they come along and tell me all their ideas wow, I'm going to go to India yeah, wow, terrific stuff I love it, that's a great lesson listen, God's leading me fine, go wonderful stuff really wonderful stuff but you see they know what's going to happen nevertheless we find that our thinking will as time passes be patient as time and time passes be more and more on a plane of inspiration and we come to rely upon it now the last thing on earth that an alcoholic is, is patient I want it now if not now ten minutes ago and usually I want yours whatever it is yesterday so I'm beginning to learn how to live I'm getting I'm starting to get the power to lose what was happening to me and learn how to live, this is a way of living and so this idea that you do the first nine steps and never have to visit them again as long as I'm doing 10 and 11 10 and eleven take me back to step one on a daily basis, I look at it and go am I powerless over alcohol? 25 years sober haven't touched 3 or 4 drugs in 25 years am I really powerless? am I not really powerless today? is my life unmanageable today? watch me watch me start to manage it watch what happens when I start to put my will into my life am I beginning to have a conscious contact sometimes I don't know but I'm beginning to get trust that something is there I'm getting to get trusted I'm starting to get guidance in all this and it says very quickly we usually conclude this period of meditation with a prayer that will be shown throughout the day what my next step is to be that we be given whatever we need to take care of our such problems and we ask especially from the freedom of self-will and are careful not to request for ourselves only we may ask for ourselves however if others may be helped I keep on asking for a bigger car so I can take more people to meetings. Hasn't happened yet. We are careful. You've got one with four seats now, not two. Oh right, okay. Had a van before, so I've got a real car now. We're careful never to pray for our own selfishness and many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that. It doesn't work in these, you see why. Because we're trying to lose selfishness. we're trying to lose self-esteem so that's what I do that's telling us what to do at the beginning of the day have you got anything to finish yourself on? absolutely I'll just cover what I did at night and tie that in with some stuff on the block of 87 that was excellent for you broken down like that I keep it real simple I do what the first 100 do and suggest me to do and my morning is religious and it is disciplined around exactly that at night the top of 86 says when we retire at night we constructively review our day will we resentful selfish dishonest or afraid do we owe an apology have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once notice the word discussed and at once were we kind and loving toward all what could we have done better were we thinking of ourselves most of the time or were we think of what we could do for others or what we can pack into the stream of life but we must be careful not to drift into worry remorse or morbid reflection for that would diminish our usefulness to others not myself, others we're becoming others focused after making our review here's the prayer we ask God's forgiveness and enquire what corrective measures should be taken it really makes no difference to me how I do that I have a step 10 and 11 nightly review form we can email you or I can email you if you'd like it which is basically these questions set out on a piece of paper. What I've done is I try and alternate between either filling this out at night and I make 10 minutes at night right at the end just before I go to bed and I sit quiet at times and I review my day. And it says if you are, if you've been resentful do a four column inventory on the back of this sheet. I'll do the four column inventory on the back of that sheet it gets me to consider certain things so we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once you know, I try and be with my sponsor he knows everything about my life everything that's going on every decision I'm taking what I'm doing most of the time because I need to be transparent for him to see my blind spot So if I'm progressing in a relationship, I will be open and honest with him about that. This is what's happening in my life right now and I try not to hold it, keep it to myself. This is constructively review our day. It's not a weapon to beat ourselves over the head with if we've had a bad day. And I have to ask myself these questions. Was I kind and loving toward all? Not 100% of the time, no. You know, I was a little bit quick with the assistant at work today. I was just going to say thank you. I was always a little short, I wasn't open with her, I was too consumed with what I was doing. Okay God, here's the prayer. God please forgive me. Please show me what corrective measures should be taken. Generally it comes immediately. Maybe tomorrow Simon you can be a little more relaxed with her. Open and tolerant and helpful. On that nightly review form it also asked me what did I do for others today now one thing that's really interesting is if I'm in self I'll have a full four column inventory at the back of that paper and very very little in the column that says what did i do for other alright if I am in fixed spiritual condition there is very few or literally no resentment but the column asking what I did for others is packed. Interesting, huh? Selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of my trouble. I need to be working with others, which we're going to go on to in the next session. As a result of that, I become freer. I'm not so in self. But when I'm in self and that column, what I've done for others, is empty, I'm In Trouble. And I try and do that. Now it doesn't make any difference to me whether I do that written or if I sit on the edge in my bed if I'm absolutely wiped out and I honestly answer myself these questions, and if there is an amends that need to be made for the following day I'll just write the person's name down and then the following morning I'll get up and I'll either get on the phone or meet them face to face and make an amend or there's some stuff that's come up I'll bring it into a discussion with my sponsor the following week but again, it says here we go to God after making a review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken there is our real reliance and our real dependence I don't need to hear myself say that too real dependence is upon God that's what I do at night and I try and do that every night and I'll try and maintain this 10 and 11 practice as a discipline and as I say I can either write it down or I can sit on the edge of my bed and just answer these questions i won't recover what peter covered because he covered that in such masterly detail but the bottom here of 87 um if you if you were like me i was not part of a religious denomination um i was Not a catholic a christian a muslim or anything like that um i wasn't i'll be honest with you i was arrogant and selfish and i turned my back on that stuff at a very very early age didn't want anything to do with it ok, it was arrogant and it was selfish and even back then I was playing God didn't need God somebody once said to me I treated God like people and people like God I treated God like People and people like God turned my back on it and I knew that there was a power out there because it had done for me what I couldn't do for myself It removed the obsession to drink and it had taken away this spiritual malady that had been living and breathing inside of me since day one. And I knew that there was a power out there. I knew I'd recovered from alcoholism, but I needed to seek in understanding and effectiveness. I knew there was power out There, but i needed to grow in understanding an effectiveness around that power. and it also says at the bottom here and this is why I'm mentioning it there are many helpful books also I've been taught by my sponsor and by other good teachers in Alcoholics Anonymous where to go to find these books and I'll share it with you today if it helps you there is a spiritual author by the name of Eckhart Tolle or Eckhart Tol there are two publications that I've read and that I continue to read one is called The Power of Now and the other one that I have recently read and lent out again is called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle there are also another author by the name of Anthony de Mello where I've read a book called Awareness I'm reading a book called A Contact with God I'm reading a book called Conversation with the Masters by Anthony DeMello he also wrote Sadhana and I've read a lot of these books and continue to read these books because it gives me an understanding around this power that I call God, and it helps me to grow in understanding and effectiveness and I need to continue to seek my understanding and effectiveness of that power. Those books have helped me to gain insight and to seek where this power is and what this power means. As a result of that, that's helped me. There are also many spiritual practices in that book that I have done at the time but I need to keep, I find it useful to do and again I've learned this in Alcoholics Anonymous by good teachers, to do along with the 11th step not instead of the 11st step and I have seen, I've worked with men who have got to the 9th step they're quick to see where religious people are right and they're gone and one of those individuals Wednesday just passed telephoned after 18 months of not being in contact with alcoholics and he had drunk again he was very quick to see where religious people were right made use of what they had to offer 100% of the time not along with step 11 he got drunk I remember Peter sharing with me he's seen people at 11th step out of the program I've now experienced and seen and watched that happen it says as we go through the day we pause when agitated, doubtful and ask for the right thought or action I'm an alcoholic most of the time I'm agitated and doubtful it's quite a natural state for an alcoholic to be agitated and doubtfull again we turn to God we ask forthe right thoughtoraction we constantly remind ourselves that we are no longer running the show humbly saying to ourselves many times each day by will be done we are then in much less danger of excitement fear anger worry self-pity or foolish decisions this is conscious contact with this power throughout the day sometimes I lose it and I'll share with you that I do fall short of this by thought, word and deed but I grow in understanding and effectiveness we become much more efficient and I'll share this with you this morning as well my efficiency within the company that I work for today has increased so much after doing 10 and 11 practices, I'm a much more effective employee I'm much more effective with the people around me during the day I'm mucho more effective with people in the building and the apartment that I live in much more effective. And it's absolutely life-changing, these practices. Which means I'm less on the phone to my sponsor, which frees him up, and I'm more effective with everybody else around me. We don't tire so easily. How many times have we got back from AA meetings at 9.30, 10 o'clock at night? I'm wiped out, I'm tired, I'M TIRED, IM TIRED. I was in the first couple of years of my sobriety, I was shattered. Because I'm still making decisions based on self. I was still running on self-will. Tired all the time. It amazes me today. I'm up at most mornings at 7am most mornings and I try and spend 20 minutes to 30 minutes with God immediately. My day goes so fast and my days are so packed that I generally sit down and do a nightly review and it's like 1.30am. I've been effective in my employment with people during the day. Generally, I'll have a prospect or protégé around my apartment most nights at the moment, not all nights, but most nights doing step work. I'm being effective in one group that evening. I'll come back, I've paid attention to a relationship that I have at the minute. I pay attention to my family. I paid attention for things that need to be done in a day and it's like 1am and I'm now surviving on 6 hours sleep a night, I used to meet 9-10 hours sleep a night now I run on power and I get 6 hours sleep a day and I feel great and I thank God for this replenishing sleep I also work with this we were in Texas in March visited a friend's treatment centre in Texas and they were thinking of the spiritual prayer book that they'd use up at that facility in Texas and there's some great prayers that I can incorporate in my prayer life in my meditation life great prayers, really simple prayers I'll just read this one as well I know there's some new people in this room this morning and I'd like to welcome the young girl back who we saw yesterday and welcome you back this morning as well but listen to this for a beginner's prayer Lord I want to love you yet I'm not sure I want to trust you yet I am afraid of being taken in I know I need you but I'm ashamed of the need I want to pray but I am afraid of being a hypocrite I need my independence but yet I fear to be alone I want to belong yet I must be myself take me Lord yet leave me alone Lord I believe help my unbelief Lord if you are there You do understand don't you Give me what I need But leave me free to choose Help me work it out my own way But don't let me go Let me understand myself But don' t let me despair Come to me Lord I want you here Lighten my darkness But don''t dazzle me Help me to see what I have To do and give me the strength To do it Help my unbelief Amen There's some really simple prayers in this book, and again I can make copies and send them to you or email them to me as well. But there's other stuff that I incorporate in with this. Very simple prayers. Just before we close, I know it's just about time to finish this session. We're undisciplined so let God discipline us in the simple way we've just outlined. But that is not all. And oh no it's not. There is action and more action. faith without works is dead the next chapter is entirely devoted to step 12 and that's something we're going to be talking about with enthusiasm and passion in the next session so thanks a lot