Rigorous Honesty – BB Workshop – Part 6 of 14 – Bill L.

Hi everybody, my name is Bill and I'm an alcoholic. Why don't we open with the set-aside prayer. I guess not everybody has it in front of them, so let me just read my version of it instead of Smith. Why don'T we get quiet for a couple seconds and then I'll rattle it off. Dear God, please set aside anything I think I know about myself, about my disease, about the big book, the 12 steps, the fellowship, people in the fellowship spiritual terms and especially you God so that I might have an open mind and a new experience with all these things. Please help us see the truth. Amen. This week we're on How It Works, chapter 5 it's on page 58 and again we've sort of abandoned the reviews because there's just too much to review now but starting with how it works since we hear it so often to the point where most people don't really even hear it or listen to it anymore what we're going to do is in your packet on the second page is the original manuscript, How It Works which is what How It Works looked like before the last changes were made in it. As a matter of fact they went through How ItWorks 30 something times to hone it to the point where it ended up in the book today and what we're going to do is we're going to contrast what it looks like in the books now and what it looked like inthe original manuscript which was the last changes made before it ended up in the book and what you'll see is it's significantly different also I mean in most cases I'm really happy that they changed the stuff that they did but what you will hear is significantly different than how it ended in the books today for me it's sort of interesting in reading the original manuscript to see sort of where they were coming from in the message that they were trying to pass along as opposed to how it ended up in the book today. So Mike's going to read how it is in the book and how it traditionally is heard at a meeting and I'm going to point out what the differences are as we go through it. And again, there's some pretty interesting changes that were made last minute to end up in The Book the way it is now. Hi everyone, I'm Mike. I'm an alcoholic. Chapter 5, How It Works, page 58. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. And in the original manuscript it said, rarely have we see a person failed who has thoroughly followed our directions. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Now you might notice there something that's always been interesting to me. The first paragraph of the single most read piece of literature in AA mentions the word honest or honesty three times in the first paragraph. As a matter of fact, at one point it describes it as that our way of life demands rigorous honesty. So obviously for them to mention that in the third paragraph three times, honesty it must be important and something I like passing along to people is am I making honesty a priority and am I living that kind of a way of life also you notice there it says they are naturally incapable of grasping and developing for me how I would translate that is that on their own they're incapable of being rigorously honest that you know with their own power which sort of is another way of saying naturally they're incapable of being rigorously modest with themselves Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. In the original manuscript that said, then you were ready to follow directions. At some of these we balked. Also in that, I guess two sentences there, something that I think is important is it says if you, one, decide that you want what we have and two, you're willing to go to your lengths to get it then you're ready to take certain steps. Now, that's sort of alluding to the fact that we don't have to wait long to get into the steps and to get in to the program. Also, it says that if you want what we had, they're not talking about the average person in AA today. They're talking about the people that wrote this book and the people whose stories are in this book, that if you want what we have by way of what has been written in this book so far, and you're willing to go to any lengths to get it, then you're ready to go at any lengths. Then you're really going to follow directions. So again, we don't have to wait long. And they're talking about the authors of the book and the paper that are talked about in this book, and there's two points there that if you decide you want all we have, and then two, you're going to go any lengths to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. at some of these we bought and originally that said at someof these you may balk we thought we could find an easier softer way in the original manuscript that said you may think you can find an easier softer way but we could not in the initial manuscript it said we doubt if you can with all the earnestness at our command we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Now, we're talking about holding on to our old ideas. I know for me some of the old ideas I had to get rid of was that I can work out this alcohol problem on my own. I really didn't think that I needed other people. That was an old idea that I had TO get rid OF. I certainly didn't THINK that I NEEDED God. That was another old idea THAT I needed TO get RID OF. Another old idea I HAD TO get rID OF was that I can go to meetings and be good for an hour and be a total ruthless, dishonest, inconsiderate, selfish person the rest of the hours of the day. That was another old idea I had to get rid of. Notice it says there that the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Nil means nothing or worthless. So it's saying pretty strongly there that we need to let go of old ideas, especially in dealing with alcoholism and especially in dealing with just acting and living any way we want to. Remember that we deal with alcohol. And it says, original manuscript, remember that you are dealing with alcohol cunning, baffling, powerful and I always like to add, impatient without help it is too much for us and originally he said it is Too Much For You but there is one who has all power that one is God may you find him now And that last part there said in the original manuscript, you must find him now. A little bit of different wording there. And, you know, again, I'm not going to debate whether I'm happy with how it was taken out or not, but it's certainly a little bit stronger and a little more straightforward than how it is in the book today. Half measures availed us nothing. In the original manuscripts, that said, half measures will avail you nothing. And it's funny because somebody from our home group says that if half the measures avail us nothing, then no measures avail US less. We stood at the turning point. And that said you stand at the turn point. We asked his protection and care with complete abandon. In the original manuscript that said throw yourself under his protection and care of complete abandonment. And then it says, now we think you can take it. Because it's just given us 60 pages worth of material, so that's kind of where they're coming from with that. Here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery. In the original manuscript that said, which are suggestive as your program of discovery. One, we admit it, we're powerless over alcohol, that our lives have become unmanageable. Now, what's interesting is that I've always considered myself to be a pseudo-intellectual. And I, like most if not all alcoholics, tend to not read. We tend to translate. We tend zu internalize, filtering it through our mind to what we think it's saying as opposed to what it's seeing. Now, let me tell you how I translated the first step when I read it for many, many years. How I took the first steps was I admitted that I'm powerless over alcohol and while I'm drinking my life is unmanageable. That was how I internalized that sentence, and that is not what it's saying. Also, whenever there's a dash like there is one, it's basically saying the same thing as the beginning of the sentence but adding a second part to it. So basically what the first step is saying is admitted we are perilous over alcohol and admitted that our lives are unmanageable. There's a dash there just so he doesn't have to repeat himself. You know, English writing, that's kind of what that's speaking to. What's interesting in Step 1, later on it talks about, you know, in the ABCs that I'm perilous out of alcohol and couldn't manage my life. that includes today, that includes while I'm not drinking that includes even years after I've stopped drinking and I need to ask myself if that's true because if I'm going to be in the third step turning my will and my life up to this higher power that's what's going to make my life manageable, not me In the original manuscript the word we was not the first word or the first step it started out with admit it so maybe that's another one of those we things that we talked about the first or second week. Okay, step two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Now, the word sanity, again, is a word that probably could get five different definitions if you talk to five different people in AA. It's a little bit misunderstood, but words that I think that can replace the word insanity that still captures the essence of what the second step is saying are words like honesty, reality, peace of mind, truth, and balance. So the interesting thing about the word sanity is, you know, in looking at step two, I thought that this was saying that I'm crazy. And on some level I am. But me in my own mind, I didn't think that I was. but the word sanity means wholeness and what's interesting about the word insanity is that if 99% of my life is in balance or let's say if my thinking is completely clear or completely seeing the truth but there's just that one part of my mind especially in dealing with alcohol I'm not able to see the truth and that's one of the reasons why we keep going back to it is because we just don't see the truth about the problems that alcohol is causing us, then I do not have 100% wholeness of mind. Therefore, there's a part of me that does not contain sanity. So that's more to what the second step is talking about. You know, I always thought that, you know, the sanity they was talking about were all those crazy things I did when I was out there drinking, you Know What I Mean? But the interesting thing about that is that when I came into AA, hey, 90% of all that stuff went away. You know, I wasn't getting into fights anymore. I wasn'T being arrested anymore. A lot of that stuff, you know, I wasn' t getting into accidents anymore. A lot oF that stuff just went away, but the one insane thing that we all have in common was that again and again and again we turned to alcohol even though over the years it caused us problems. We again and yet again turned to alcohol even thought it was harmful and all that, so that's the sanity that we need to be restored to And that's just a little piece on the word sanity, that it's 100% wholeness. And if just that one part of our mind, and usually for most people there's lots of stuff that's going on with that, but it's not necessarily talking about those crazy things that we used to do. It's talking about being restored to seeing the truth about alcohol. Three, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. And in the original manuscript that said, our will and our lives over to the care and direction of God as we understood him. Now, there's three words there that I think are important, and there's an article in your packet that kind of talks about it. The three words are decision, will, and life. Again, how I internalized or how I translated step three was that I turned my will and my life over tothecareofgod. And that's not what it says. It says that we made a decision to turn our will and life over to the care of God. Now, the word decision means to make up one's own mind. So if everybody here made a position to come to this meeting today, but we didn't take the action that was required to get us here, that decision means nothing. So a decision needs to be followed by action in order for that decision to be carried out. Another way of putting it is that, you know, for years I've been deciding that I want to go to Hawaii but I've never taken the action necessary to actually get me there so that decision actually means absolutely nothing so in the third step we merely make a decision to head toward turning our will and life over to God the way we turn our will of life over is by doing steps four through nine and the way keep our will in our life turned over indefinitely is between ten, eleven and twelve so the third-step decision is nothing more than the decision to go on with the rest of the program And when we get into step three, you'll see that that's exactly what it says. Also, there's the words will and life. What's interesting about those two words is that they're kind of lofty and kind of up there, out there, over there. They're just too big to internalize or they're too big. The words I like to change those two works to that are just a little bit more bite-sized and a little more down-to-earth are the words that our will is our thinking and our life are our actions. that my life or all the actions that I've taken up until this point you know when I die I fill out a will of what I think I want done with all my stuff so how I internalize step three now is that I make a decision to go on with the rest of the program which is how I turn my will and my life over to God and then my will is my thinking so I need to start thinking more like I would think my higher power would want me to think and I need act more like how I think my higher power would like me to act but I can't really do that until I find out what blocks me off from doing it, which I find in my fourth step. I share it in my fifth step. I ask God to help me with that stuff in six and seven. I make amends, which also blocks me from actually carrying out God's will because I have a lot of guilt and remorse because there are things I've done in the past and in eight and nine I can make up for that. And then I'm now dealt with my past and I can just be here and now doing what I think my higher power wants me to do in the moment, each moment. So there's a whole lot going on in step three I mean, we'll get into step three when we get into it. But I just wanted to touch upon those three words. Four, made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. What's interesting about four is you'll notice it talks about a moral inventory and then in ten it talks abut a personal inventory. Moral inventory is sort of like a relationship conduct inventory. and then after we take sort of a general inventory and see that you know what 99% of the time I caused all these problems or I contributed to it in some way either by something I did or by the perspective or the way I'm choosing to look at it but by the time we get to 10 we've already seen that my actions or my thinking has contributed directly to all of these things and then in 10 now we're just taking a personal inventory because we only need to look at ourselves anyway because we can't change other people and we can change what kind of things happen to us in life but we can change our actions and we can change our perspective toward the things that happen and toward the things that other people do so it's kind of interesting in four we're just kind of taking a general inventory what we're going to find in an inventory is very personal and very revealing but then by the time we get to ten we're really only taking a personal inventory because that's really what the problem is anyway five admit it to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. I've been at meetings where people talked about, you know, I just did a fifth step. I went to see a minister or a priest or a rabbi or whatever and I confessed the things that I had done in the past. You know,I did confession or whatever you want to call it. And now I've done my fifth step so now I'm done. And what's interesting is that I think they've missed out on the major portion of four and five and it's mentioned at the end there in step five that we have to admit the exact nature of our wrongs. Part of it is that we admit our wrongS, but we also need to see why we did these things and what is behind it driving us to do it in the future perhaps. The exact nature or wrongS is a whole lot different than just admitting our wrong. We need to seY why we are doing these things and that's what we're going to find in our fourth step that we're gong to share in our fifth step. So it's not just admitting out wrongS. We need to see why we did those things, and then those are the things that we ask for higher power with in 6 and 7 to help us. Also, it's saying that we admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being. Something that I guess in the last probably year and a half or two years that I started doing, since it does say that we're supposed to admit this stuff to God. In taking somebody through a four-step, when they finish their four-stepped, just before they're getting ready to do their fifth step, I suggest that they either go to some place where you feel God strongly, whether it's in your own living room, whether it is out in nature, whether it was to a church or to someplace where you felt God strongly and sit there and spend an hour or two silently. Or I guess some people may do it out loud but that could be kind of weird. Or it could be cool too, to spend some time sharing their four-step and all the stuff they just wrote with their higher power because there's something that happens there when we do that. First of all, we're acknowledging God or our higher power as something that's real and that's somethingthat is in our life that we can sort of interact with. Also, what happens, we'll see a few more things may come to us that maybe we didn't see when we were writing it on our own. And when we write, we are going to ask our higher prayer to help us with it, but maybe we will get a deeper understanding and a little bit more insight as we do this, as we share with the higher power. what I've also seen in doing it and having other people do it they get a sense of forgiveness from their higher power they also get a sens of power that they now bring into their fifth step, it's sort of an accumulation of this power, this presence with you that you now bring into your fifth step when you share it with somebody else and I think that it's been kind of interesting in working with people and having them do some of the things that they've shared with me again, they did have a sense of presence and they did have a sense of forgiveness from this higher power we need to see for ourselves in 4 and 5 what's really going on here for understanding of how our mind and our ego works and we also need to share it with somebody else for humility so those are the three things I think that are going on there why we need share with God with ourselves and with another human being 6. We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character in the original manuscript that said we're entirely willing that God remove all these defects of character. Seven, humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. In the original manuscript, believe it or not, it said humbly on our knees ask him for help. Ask him to move our short comings holding nothing back. And for me, one of my pet peeves is that I don't believe that AA is a self-help program. I agree with you that well, I guess our books are in the recovery section But I think some of it also is in the self-help section, and AA is often referred to as a self-health program. I'd like to disagree with that, that if I could help myself, why would I need AA? That this step, especially 7, and throughout the book, it again and again and Again and Again points out that we have to go to our higher power, that it doesn't say we do anything here. It says that we ask him to remove our shortcomings. It doesn't Say that we Ask him to Help Us Remove Our Shortcomings. It doesn' t say anything like that. and says that this higher power will remove our shortcomings. Now, one of the things that I started with in regard to the concept of a higher power was that I start with the word God just kind of didn't go well with me. I came from a religious family, and I didn't have my own concept of God. I had everybody else's concept of god. Basically, I was told by my religion that this is what you must believe, and if you believe differently, you're wrong, and you're going to go to hell. Now, I don't know that anybody necessarily said that to me, but that was what I internalized and that was what I thought they were saying. As a matter of fact, I can almost guarantee that they didn't say that to be true. That was how I took it. Now, what I started using was the concept of love. Infinite love. And what I also started seeing was throughout this book, throughout every piece of spiritual literature that I've ever read, that any time there's a reference for a higher power or God or anything like that, if you were to take that reference out and put the word love, it would still make perfect sense. And here in the seventh step as well as all the other steps, if you put the word Love, it still makes perfect sense that we ask Love to remove our shortcomings. Now, I'd like to suggest that our shortcomings are the times that we're not loving. So, if we can replace, and like even the third step, that I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to Love, to the care of Love. That when I'm loving, I am not living in a shortcoming at that moment. that I had heard a great spiritual person say once that the only thing lacking in any situation is the love we are not given. And for me, that was an incredibly profound statement and I've repeated it a hundred times and I said it out to my email group probably twice a year because I come across it every once in a while and anytime I've ever chewed on it and meditated over it, there's so much truth in that statement for me. But I just wanted to throw out the whole thing of, you know, love and shortcomings. And, you Know, it's kind of interesting that they said on our knees. Also in the original manuscript in step three, just before the third step prayer mentioned being on our needs. So, You know, again, I'm not completely dissatisfied with them changing that and taking that out. But it's interesting in seeing where the original authors were coming from when they wrote this, that they did very much want us to have a certain posture, let's say. And I've talked with people that said, you know, you have to do this on your knees. You don't have to sit on your heels. I don't want to get into that debate. I don'T really think it matters. I choose to say prayers on my knees. But what I'd like to suggest is that we should be on our knees within, whether we're physically on our needs or not when we take prayers. It's kind of a heavy statement, but that's for me the posture that I think I need to take when I'm saying a prayer is that from within, with humility and love, before my higher power, that internally I should be on my knees when I say prayers, whether I'm doing it physically or not. He made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Originally that said, he became willing to make complete amends to them all. Now, you'll notice there in Step 8 it mentions all twice. I hope that's not a coincidence. And if you remember in Bill's story, when he was talking about Step 9, he referred to amends as, I was to write all such matters to the utmost of my ability. You know, I've talked with people that said that, you know, what they believe amends means is that we just say we're sorry. And I'd like to suggest that amends means a whole lot more than that and i like so much better how bill put it that we're to write all such matters to the utmost of our ability when we get into step nine there's some real specific clear-cut directions on how to deal with that um but i'd also like to suggest is going on in step eight as well as in step four and when we go to step four you'll see it is that there is a heavy dose of forgiveness going on here that in many cases these people that we are going to go make amends to screwed us perhaps even worse than we screwed them So we need to have a sense of forgiveness toward them for whatever they did because their faults are not discussed and we're not there to discuss any kind of problems that they've caused. We need to sort of have a posture of love and tolerance and forgiveness and to show up and make amends. But, you know, again, in step eight it does say all twice. Nine, may direct amends to such people wherever possible except when the do-so would injure them or others. another part of the word amend that a lot of people perhaps don't notice is that the word mend also means to change that part of making amends is I need to change my behavior so I'm no longer doing the things that I'm showing up there to apologize for if I've stolen money from my parents and I give them the $200 back and two weeks later I steal $20 from them that amend has meant nothing that part of the world of men like an official document when you amend it, you change it. So part of the setting right the wrong is also that we need to change our behavior so we're no longer acting that way. Ten, continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admit it. Now notice it doesn't say that when we are wrong we promptly explain it. Also, it says when we're wrong not if we're on. We will make mistakes. We will fall short. What you'll see in Step 10 is a way of life of trying to do God's will, and when we fall short, we have a way of cleaning that up in the here and now. You know, Step 9 is cleaning the wreckage of our past. Step 10 has been a great experience for me. Step 10 means cleaning the wrecks of our present. So Bill, in his infinite wisdom, and I guess sometimes lack of wisdom, certainly used the correct words there, that when we're wrong, we are going to fall short. We are human. We are not going to be perfect, perhaps, ever. We are going to fall short and we have a way to deal with that. Eleven, sought through prayer and meditation, not medication, to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. A word that I like sometimes replacing the word power there at the end is motivation. You know, Lord, please give me the motivation to carry out your will. I certainly believe that each thing that I think my higher power wants me to do, I believe that I have the power to do it. I don't believe that he has an expectation of me that I am not able to achieve. But what I like asking my higher powers is to please giveme the motivation to carry that out. I've heard people refer to the last three steps as the maintenance steps. it seems to me that if I maintain something I'm keeping it the same I'd like to suggest that the last three steps are not maintenance steps that they are growth steps there's no way that I can be you know in step 10 it talks about continuing in step 11 it talks about seeking and improving in step 12 it talks about in all of our affairs if I'm doing all of that there's no way that I can maintain whatever I am I will simply grow and I will continue to grow spiritually so and to be honest with you in the big book's dissertation about step 11 it gives us a question in our evening review that for me is the essence of spiritual growth that even if we had the most perfect day where we were loving toward absolutely everyone and did nothing wrong that in our Evening Review there's this one line that is the Essence of Spiritual Growth and that is what could we have done better? And even if found nothing wrong with our day we can always see you know what there was a person standing over there that I sort of felt like I should go talk to him but I was just busy and I didn't I could have done that better and next time if I get that situation I can go and talk to them so for me the essence of spirituality is that word sought and that word seek that we need to continually be seeking you know it talks about in the A, B, and C that God can and will if he were sought that's a pretty big warning there if he sought we will find the solution in the 11th step it says conscious contact. In the original manuscript, the word conscious was not there. They added that later. Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. In the initial manuscript, that said having had a spirit of awareness and a spiritual experience as the result of this course of action, we triedto carry thismessage to others, especially alcoholics and to practice these principles in all of our affairs obviously the 12th step kind of has three parts there you have the first part with the spiritual awakening as a result of these steps not as a results but as the result of the steps then carrying the message to others and then practicing the principles in all our affairs what's interesting about the 12 step which I guess is sort of controversial but I really love saying it because I believe that there is truth here that the goal of the steps is not recovery. The goal of steps is to have a spiritual awakening and a byproduct of the spiritual awakening is that we recover. So what's interesting about that for me is that I no longer say that recovery is the most important thing in my life. What I like saying now is that my relationship with God is the more important thing because that is what has given me recovery. and then it talks about try to carry this message to others especially alcoholics you'll see I think there's two or three references in the big book that it talks about you know what if you show up at somebody's house wanting to help an alcoholic there if that person doesn't want anything to do with you you can also carry the message to the family because if they can practice spiritual principles their life will be a whole lot better in dealing with the alcoholic so you know the original sort of practice in the beginning was, you know, if the alcoholic doesn't want it, there's other people perhaps that don't even have an alcohol problem that could perhaps implement these spiritual principles and work the steps and their lives can change. I know I personally have worked with people that had food problems, that have had drug problems, people that were in Al-Anon, people that weren't in any 12-step fellowship. I've been able to take through these steps and have them have a change of life and a better way of life. Simply in the beginning, I focus a whole lot more on sort of the spiritual feature and the mental feature that drives us to do things that we know we shouldn't be doing, which is our unmanageability. But then from there on, it's just all exactly the same. Everybody that uses the 12 steps, just the first word and the first step has changed depending on what their addiction is. The rest of the process is exactly the Same because the rest of The Process deals with what the problem really is, which is being blocked off spiritually. and then you know practicing these principles in all of our affairs you know something like asking people especially you know that step one unmanageability exercise talked about how am I treating the people at work how am I treating the people at home how am I treating the perfect stranger in the street that can do nothing for me how am I treating people in traffic we need to be practicing this in all of our affairs it's the essence of walking the walk instead of just talking the talk this is a way of life it's not just a way of not drinking many of us exclaimed and it says you may exclaim what an order i can't go through with it do not be discouraged no one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles we are not saints the point is that we're willing to grow along spiritual lines the principles we have set down are guides to progress, we claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. And notice there again it says the point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. It's telling us what the essence of all this is. Our description of the alcoholic. Step one. The chapter to the agnostic. Step two. And our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas. In the original manuscript that said have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas. So you can see this is a sales job. This is promotion. I agree that publicly we're not allowed to necessarily promote AA, quote-unquote, but in trying to help a newcomer, this is very much a sales jobs and very much of a promotion. Also, it says our personal adventures before and after. that could be taken in two different ways it could be saying that our personal adventures before or after this part of the book, that the stories before this part of the book and the stories after this part ofthe book are here to sell you three pertinent ideas what I think is sort of a spiritual essence which is a deeper meaning with that sentence is that our personal adventures before or after our personal ventures before we got sober and our personal ventures now that we are sober and for me I think that's more the meaning of what they're talking about there that, you know, sober or not, we are an alcoholic and we can't manage our own life. That sober or night, that probably no human power, including me or my sponsor or the fellowship, can relieve my alcoholism. That soberer or not that God can and will if he were sought. So, you Know, it's interesting how they threw in that. We'll sell you three ideas. I'm happy they changed that. Although, you Now, again, God has a plan that was taken out, I guess, for a reason. But for me, personal interventions before or after that. That's why when we go through the book, whether there are people here that have a bunch of time or not, do you agree today right now that you were an alcoholic and you're powerless over alcohol? What's your current state of mind about that? With some of the questions that we've been bringing up, what's your correct belief in that? Because as soon as you start drifting away from those basics, then all of a sudden now I don't need this power because I'm not drinking anymore and I can run the show myself. Now we're getting away from the essence of what the steps are supposed to be doing. And in the original manuscript, A said that you are alcoholic and cannot manage your own life. Step one. And that's where we are, so to speak. B, that probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism. Step two. And again, we're beyond human aid. And then C, that God can and will. Also step two. and that's a promise as well and again, you know, A is sort of step one, where am I B is step two which way am I headed I'm beyond human aid and then three, that God can and will and that is certainly where I am trying to head toward to have God restore us to sanity especially in regard to seeing the truth about alcohol and then right after that in the original manuscript it said if you are not convinced of these vital issues and they're calling them vital, which is really important. You ought to re-read the book to this point or else throw it away. A little subtlety there. And that's why in the big book, the very next sentence says, this says if you're not convinced, re-reading the book or throw it way. And then in the Big Book it says if your are convinced, now you're at step three. So that's kind of the lead into the whole step three part. And again, there's so much in how it works, but we don't necessarily even hear it anymore. You hear it over and over again. As a matter of fact, at some meetings it's kind of cool to just whisper to your friends for the next five minutes because everybody knows how it works so you don't have to listen to it anymore. And there is just so much in there. Being convinced we were at step three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood him, just what do we mean by that and just what did we do? And Bill covered earlier the three words that we like to touch upon, decision, will, and life. So I like to read it like this, and then I'll ask the group, including myself, a question. Being convinced we're at step three, which is that I decide to turn my thinking and my actions over to God as I understood Him. So I ask you, are you convinced that we are at this point at step three? Having covered the material in the doctor's opinion, having covered the materials in the first four chapters, we're able to draw conclusions for the first two steps. Now we are a step three. And they're also talking about being convinced of the A, Bs and Cs there. So are we convinced that I am an alcoholic and cannot manage my own life? Am I convinced that probably no human power could relieve my alcoholism? And am I convinced That God can, could, and would if he were sought? So just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do? The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. And when I usually go through the third step or take someone through the 3rd step I like to personalize it so from here on out I'll do that let me just re-read this sentence the first requirement is that I be convinced that my life run on my own self will can hardly be a success on that basis I am almost always in collision with something or somebody even though my motives are good how many times did we go into situations with what we believe to be truly good motives and the whole situation ended up blowing up in our face anyway. Most people or I try to live my life by self-propulsion. I am like an actor who wants to run the whole show and I'm forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in my own way. I always get the image of a chess game in my head whenever I read that. I'm going to arrange the whole show and I am also going to arrange the players in my way. I am going to move people here you should be doing this you shouldn't be telling me to do this You shouldn't be telling me to do that, and I'm going to move and maneuver you as I see fit. Another good word is manipulation. If my arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as I wish, the show would be great. And I really hate to admit to you that in some cases, presently, I still believe some of that stuff. Had an example earlier this evening. everybody, including myself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. It's amazing how it says that if I ran the whole show, if I'm the director who runs the whole show, in other words, or if I am the actor who wants to run the whole shows, in another words, I'm wanting to direct the whole show then everybody is going to be pleased I'm doing this for your own good. Don't you see that? In trying to make these arrangements, I may sometimes be quite virtuous. I may be kind, considerate, patient, generous, even modest and self-sacrificing. But on the other hand, I may being mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. but as with most humans I am more likely to have varied traits and sometimes I can be kind, considerate patient, generous, modest and self-sacrificing and other times I can mean, egotistical selfish and dishonest and usually it's whatever I think is going to work best for me what usually happens the show doesn't come off very well I begin to think life doesn't treat me right And as we're reading through this, see if you can identify with this. See if this is how, of course we thought like this and we operated our lives based on this mentality when we were drinking. But see if we have some of this stuff going on today, presently. See ifthis is our current experience. I decide to exert myself more. I become on the next occasion still more demanding or gracious as the case may be still the play does not suit me it becomes angry, indignant self-pitying what is my basic trouble am I not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind even when I'm trying to be kind to other people even when my motives are good even when doing good deeds even when I'm trying to walk an old lady across the street, isn't it because I have underlying motives? Isn't it? Because I'm a self-seeker. Isn't It? Because I am out for me. Isn't IT? Because I AM OUT FOR NUMBER ONE. Isn't I? Because I'M CONCERNED ABOUT HOW I FEEL OR SOMETIMES ABOUT HOW YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO THINK ABOUT ME. when I walk that old lady across the street? Am I doing it just to do it, just to help another fellow human being? Or am I doing for the kick out of patting myself on the back and saying, oh, what a great guy I am. Or am i doing it in the hopes that someone across the streets is going to see me or my sponsor or a member of AA and say, yeah, he's really on the program. He's really doing good. or am I doing it for the compliment that the elderly person may give me? These are things that I have to look at in my current situation, in my currently life when I go through the third step today. Am I not a victim of the delusion or lie that I can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if I only manage well or if I only control well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players or all the resto of people in my life that these are the things I want? And do not my actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? And later on we're going to take a look at a statement that says, my troubles are of my own making. and we're going to find out when we get to inventory that first I thought I had a resentment against for what the person in column one did to me, which is our second column and then I felt like a victim because in the third column what I thought they did tome in the second column affected my self esteem my pride, my ambitions, on and on but when I finally get to the fourth column of inventory, when I finally look at the truth when I see what I did to them and in many cases what I do to get the ball rolling what I didn't step on their toes and in many cases they had no choice but to retaliate against me so if we can see that now just in step 3 inventory is going to be that much easier for us am I not even in my best moments a producer of confusion rather than harmony Our actor, or I am self-centered, egocentric as people like to call it nowadays I am like the retired businessman who lulls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad stay of the nation The minister who sighs over the sins of the 20th century Politicians and reformers who are sure all would be utopia if the rest of the world would only behave And the outlaw safecracker who thinks society has wronged him and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. This paragraph is great because he gives us several examples, again, of the actor. The first one is the retired businessman. That's an example of an actor. That's a example of a persona I can play or an ego mask that I can wear to make myself look different to you than what I truly am. Another example of the actor is the minister. Another one is politicians and reformers. Another one ist he outlaw safecracker. And it goes on to say, and the alcoholic who has lost all is locked up. Whatever our protestations Are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity? And that's a good question I can ask myself. So selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. And I always thought alcohol was my problem. And also, this seems to be the whole key of the spiritual malady that we've been talking about for the past couple weeks. You know, this is the root. Selfishness and self-centeredness. This is the spiritual malady. This is The Things that, number one, drive me to behave the way that we're going to write about in inventory. selfishness and self-centeredness is all the reasons we answered the questions in the step one unmanageability exercise the way we did these are the things that drive the spiritual malady it's not going to be me physically picking up a drink that causes me to relapse it's no even going to be me thinking that I can drink successfully that causes me to relapse. Because if that was the case, then this would only be a two-fold disease of the body and the mind. But what's going to trigger the thinking into drinking is the spiritual malady, the selfishness and self-centeredness. That's the first time I said that. Write that down. and it's interesting that's that's something that in hearing fifth steps and in writing four steps that is always throughout is that they're not acting the way i want them to or i have an expectation that they haven't met that most often that's what i find in my fourth step but they're not actingthe way i wanted to and again that's a form of replaying god because i know it's best for you and you should be acting theway i want you to so here's a good question we can ask ourselves selfishness and self-centeredness um do i think that that's the root of my troubles whatever problems are going on going on in my life today whatever unmanageability i have going on is it because of my selfishness or self-centredness and if you haven't done a four-step yet maybe you could still perhaps debate that but believe me after you do your four step, you will not. You will no longer be on the fence with that. I am driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking and self pity and I step on the toes of my fellows and they retaliate. And I always like this description of being driven by my own self will or my defects if you will I'm being driven by the spiritual malady. I'm Being Driven by the Selfishness, Self-Centeredness, Fear, Self Delusion, Self Seeking, Self Pity. I'm Bein' Driven By That Stuff. And, you know, I used to think that I chose to do the things that I did. And when I'm bein' driven by self-will, I have no choice. It's kind of like me sittin' in a bus. and I'm not the one that's driving the bus. There's a bus driver in the front of the bus and I am sitting somewhere in the middle of the bus. Do I have any control over where that bus driver takes me? Yeah, I may say, hey, I'd like to stop here. But once that bus driver has control over the wheel I'm out in control. We're going where that person wants to take me. So I'm being driven around in that bus all day long by my fear, self-delusion, self seeking, self pity and my selfishness and self-centeredness. That's why in 5 it talks about the exact nature of our wrongs. This is the exact major of our own. Sometimes they hurt us seemingly without provocation but we invariably find that at some time in the past We have made decisions based on self, which later placed us in a position to be hurt. Now, for those who haven't written a four-column resentment inventory, don't pay too much attention to this. But I want to read this for those Who Have Written Inventory, and maybe this can make even more sense to you. sometimes they the people in our first column hurt us column two seemingly without provocation but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self and that's going to be our fourth column which later placed us in the position to be hurt and i also like to use the words that uses on the next page threatened or interfered with or burned up and that's my third column so our troubles we think are basically of our own making and uh that may sound that may hit us hard that may sound uh first of all we may not even believe it i didn't when i first got here what do you mean my troubles are of my own making i thought my troubles were of everyone else is making or at least I was willing to admit that the troubles I had were the result of the actions I took in my drunkenness but can I look at my life today can I look at the troubles or any problems that I have in my life today and concede to the fact that still today with X number years of sobriety under my belt still today having gone through the steps several times praying and meditating on a daily basis, doing the things that I think I'm supposed to be doing or thinking I'm doing the things that I'm supposed to be doing isn't this statement still true today? Any trouble I have in my life today is of my own making. And again it could be that we directly did something but a little more subtly that some people don't notice just the posture that I'm taking looking at my perspective toward the situation I've created that there's always a different perspective that perhaps I can look at a situation there's a really cool story that Anthony DeMello tells he talks about how there was a great spiritual man and a farmer that lived near each other and the farmer was always mocking the spiritual guy and talking to him every once in a while and the former had a lot of cows in his field and one day one of the cows broke through the fence and all the cows left and the farm was really pissed off and he went to the spiritual man and he said something really bad has happened all my cows left my pasture I have no more cows now my farm is going to fold isn't that bad and the spiritual guide said you know good or bad I really just don't know and the farmer just kind of shook his head and went back down to the farm. A couple days later, a herd of wild horses because the fence was open came into his land and now he had all these horses instead of cows which is so much better and the farm was totally psyched he fixes the fence, now the horses can't leave he thinks it's this great thing and he goes up to the spiritual guy and says you know what, a bunch of, a herd of wild horses just came into my land it's so much bigger than cows, isn't this great and the spiritual guide said, you know, good or bad I really just don't know and again he shook his head and he went back down to his farm and a couple days later his son was trying to break one of the horses and he was riding him and the horse threw him and he broke his leg and the father was really disappointed so he goes up to see the spiritual guy and says my son was thrown from one ofthe horses and he broken his leg isn't this a bad thing and the spiritual guys like good or bad I really just don't know and again he shakes his head and he goes back down to the farm and a couple days later the country breaks into a war and all the soldiers come through and they're collecting all the young people that because his son had a broken leg, the soldiers left and left him there because he couldn't go to battle. And the father is totally psyched and he goes up to the spiritual guy and he says, you know, they didn't take my son, we're in war and they didn'T take my sun, he had a broke leg, isn'T this good? And the spiritual guys, you knOw, good or bad, I really just don'T know. But, you kNow, we can'T necessarily judge, we can't necessarily see the big picture. Very often in talking to other people and praying and meditating, we can get a different perspective toward the things that are happening in our lives. You know, some of the worst things that have ever happened to me after the fact I saw were some of the best things that ever happened to me but at the moment I just couldn't see it and that maybe I didn't affect it directly with something that I was doing but I can by way I'm thinking and by their perspective and I'm choosing to look at it with create all the problems in our life I also like to look at this statement so our troubles we think are basically of our own making in another vein and I like to suggest that possibly this is one of the greatest statements It's a hope that this book offers, because it's saying that my troubles are basically of my own making. And it's not saying that My Troubles Are Of Your Making, because if My Trouble Were Of Your Makeing, that means you would have to change in order for me to get better. My TrOUBLES ARE OF MY OWN MAKING, so I'm the one that needs to be doing the changes. is I don't have to wait on you to change. Thank goodness. So my troubles arise out of myself, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must get rid of this selfishness. Again, Bill's being subtle. We must or it kills us. Now notice the next line says, God makes that possible. It doesn't say that I make that possible, and there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self, and that's the tenth time the word self is mentioned on this page or some form of it. There often seems No Way of Entirely Getting Rid of Self Without God's Aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness, that's the 11th time, much by wishing or trying on our own willpower, we had to have God's help. A sick mind can never ever heal a sick mind. Only God can heal a sickness. mind. I got 16. 16? On this page alone? Bill's right. So this is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. And this is The Essence of the Third Step. This is the decision that we're going to be making. It didn't work. What didn't works? Us playing God did not work. Next, We decided that hereafter, in this drama of life, again, conjure up an image of a play and the actor and the director and that whole business. They're saying in this trauma of life God was going to be our director. And that means that we're going to Be the actor. God is the principal. We are his agents. god is the father and we are his children and then over on the next page it's going to say to us that we have a new employer and i also like to suggest that if god's going to be our employer that means we need to be his employees when i go to work hopefully I'm not telling my boss what I want him to be doing he's telling me what I need to be doing so there's a relationship that the third step is suggesting to us there's an immediate relationship of God being the director God beingthe principal God beingthefather and God being thee employer and me being God's actor, agent, child, and employee. In the original manuscript, the next sentence after he is the father and we are his children said, get that simple relationship straight. So you can see they felt that this was very important. And again, this is the essence, what Mike just touched upon is the sense of what this third step decision is. This is what we're going to be deciding to do. So how'd that go? get that simple relationship straight no subtlety there you must find him now so this is the second point the first requirement is that any life run on self will can hardly be a success this is this decision we're going to make and then it's followed by promises most good ideas are simple And this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we pass to freedom. We're building a spiritual structure here. We're, we're building an arch throughwhich we pass through the freedom. We found out that our first step is our foundation of the arch. I don't think we threw that in the packet this time, but usually we do. So we have a complete foundation of willingness, which is our first step. And our second step is our cornerstone, and that's willingness to believe. And now we find our keystone, which is going to be the stone that holds all the other stones into place. so like bill said this is the decision so what i usually like to do with people is ask them if they're prepared to have this type of relationship ask that ask the person i'm working with or ask myself um is this what i want Is this what I would like to achieve, so to speak, by going through the rest of the steps? Do I want God to be my director and me be the actor? Do I Want God to Be The Principal And Me Being An Agent For God So I Can Do God's Work And Carry Out God's Will? do I want God to be the father or as I say now the parenting one and me to just be God's child that's it and as God's as God'S employee am I willing to go to work for God and let Him be the boss and I like to sit with that for a couple minutes and get quiet and think about what that would look like. Something that I heard someone say once that I wrote down in my book is this, anything at all that God has in mind for me is better than anything at All that I will ever have in mind. And I love that. I also heard someone else say that when the third step is worked fully that I'm deciding to live on terms other than my own. I'm deciding to live my life on terms other than my own because if this power is going to be directing me, I can't have an expectation and I can' t have a manipulation in how my life's going because who knows what my inner voice is going tell me to do next. It might be to go help that person. It might not be to. But I need to start. For me, the essence of the steps is really just one step, but it has 12 parts that we need to go from living out of our mind to living out our heart and to living at our inner voice. so it takes 12 steps to get to that point but it's really just one step with 12 parts ok top of 63 these are referred to as the third step promises when we sincerely took such a position what position? the position that we just got done explaining on the bottom of page 62 all sorts of remarkable things followed we had a new employer being all powerful he provided what we needed and here's a condition if we kept close to him and performed his work well notice the equation there too that he will provide if one, we keep close to Him and two, perform His work well so there's a little bit of an equation there and here is something that I believe it was in a meeting no, I was actually working with someone in my house and they pointed this out to me It says, He provided what we needed if we kept close to Him. And the way we keep close to him is by turning my will and my thoughts over to God and perform His work well. And theway I perform Hisworkwell is byturningmylifeandmyactionsovertothecaregod. So established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. Not take, but contribute. And again I can ask myself, are these promises true in my life today? Am I having a current experience with what's going on here? As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully. As we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, or the hereafter. We were reborn. Now we're at step three. And I'm just going to read the prayer and then I think what we're going to do is if you look at your packet, the last two pages of the packet this week. The second to last page says some variations of the third step prayer. There's one here that was used by Dr. Bob. There's another one here and there's one in here that was using by Clarence Snyder who was one of the early pioneers in AA. There's another variation here called the Prayer of Abandonment. And then there's a little translation of the Third Step Prayer. If you turn over, there's what we call the Third step prayer exercise. Wouldn't you know it? We had exercises for the first two steps and I'm sure everyone would be disappointed if we didn't have one for the third step. So you have homework again. And to be honest with you, when we do weekends, this is very often the most powerful part of the whole entire weekend when we actually go within and just say and write our own prayer to our higher power as a commitment of turning our own life over to this power. I've heard some of the most incredible prayers ever in doing this. It says on the sheet, try this exercise to be done after you've decided to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understand God. Write your own third step prayer. As the big book says on page 63, the wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we express the idea voicing it without reservation. And again, some other examples can be found on the previous page. Your prayer can be read with your sponsor, spiritual advisor or friend expressing the idea of voicing it without reservation before we say the big books third step prayer together as a group so like Bill said we can do this during the next week and then I know that Bill and I would like to share our prayers with you guys and then as a Group we can take the third step or we can affirm our third step decision by taking the third step prayer together on page 63, which I'm going to read now. And that will pretty much wrap us up for tonight. And there's a fourth part to the third set, which we'll also cover next week, which we had said earlier about where it talks about that the third steppe has little permanent effect unless we at once go on to four through nine. So stay tuned and we'll touch that next week. But Mike's going to do the third-step prayer. We are now at step three. many of us said to our maker as we understood him God I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love and thy way of life may I do thy Will always we thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him and it says we thought well before taking this step so I guess in essence by by us going home and doing this homework in this case thinking well is a week think really well I don't I don' t normally take that much time but like Bill said that would be thinking really well that's all I have with the third step it looks like that again we'll talk about the prayers we wrote next week we'll say the third set prayer on page 63 as a group and we'll probably cover the first couple columns of resentment inventory if not resentment inventory in its entirety. Do you have anything else you want to add? No, Papa.