Step 4 and Resentments – Book Study – Big Book Study – Part 2 of 4 – Local AA Speakers

It, but she couldn't quite reach it. Okay. He's awful, ain't he? If you're sitting up here close as I am, you can see him turn red once in a while. Ain't he awful? Okay, now, you know, as we mentioned here, there's prayer in every step after the third step. There is a prayer in each section of step four. And it says, you know, the first thing we do, we analyze most of these resentments out. Now there will be some resentments that will stay with us. And if we can pray for these people, we can get rid of those resentments. This thing is 100% complete. We could be 100% completely free of resentments if we use the inventory in the big book. Now, you know, there is an illustration in the back of the book in Freedom from Bondage, page, what, 551? 551 in this book. I don't know, it's different editions. 560, if that's right. 560 in the second edition. And this is a great illustration of how to use prayer on a resentment. Down in the third paragraph, she said, I've had many spiritual experiences since I've been in the program. Many I don't recognize right away, for I'm slow to learn and they take many guises. But one was so outstanding I would like to pass it on whenever I can and hope that it will be helpful to someone else as it has me. As I said earlier, self-pity and resentment were my constant companions and my inventory began to look like a 33-year diary, for I seemed to have resentments against everyone I had ever known. All but one responded to the treatment suggested in his steps immediately, but this one posed a problem. All of them analyzed out but one, one state. And she said it was against my mother. It was 25 years old. I had fed it and fanned it and nurtured it as one mighty, delicate child. It had become as much a part of me as my breathing. It provided me with excuses for my lack of education, my marital failures and personal failures, inadequacy, and, of course, my alcoholism. And though I really thought I was willing to part with it, now I was reluctant to let it go. One morning I realized I had to get rid of it before my reprieve was running out, and if I didn't get rid off it, I was going to get drunk, and I didn' t want to get drunken anymore. In my prayers that morning, I asked God to point out me to be some way to be free of this resentment. During the day, a friend of mine brought me some magazines to take to a hospital group I was interested in. And I looked through them and a banner across the one featured an article by a prominent clergyman in which I caught the words resentment. He said, in effect, if you have a resentment you want to be freed of, If you pray for the person or thing you resent, you will be free. If you ask in prayers for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you willbe free. Ask for their health, their prosperity and their happiness, and youwill be free, even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don' t mean it. Go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and want itfor them and you will realize that where there used to be bitterness and resentment and hatred, you will feel compassionate understanding and love. It will work every time. Let me tell you something. If you've got a resentment and you don't want to get rid of it, for God's sake, don't pray about it. Because if you do, you're going to lose it. I speak from personal experience. I had a resentment like this lady had and I loved it and I really didn't want to get rid of it but the damn thing got to eating me up and finally I had to go to my sponsor and talk about it and he said, Charlie you've got to get rid of that thing I said, I don't want to get out of it I said don't make any difference he said if you don't get rid of it's going to cause you to get drunk whether you want to or not is beside the point I said okay how do you do that he said let me show you he took me to the back of the book, he showed me this example. And he said, go home, do what this says, and you can get rid of that resentment. And I went home and got down on my knees, which I very seldom did in those days, and I said, God, I want you to give that son of a bitch everything he deserves. And I hated him so bad, that's the only prayer I had for him that day. But I tried, and the next day I prayed, and some four or five or six days later I found myself saying something I didn't really mean. I said, God, would you give to him what I want in my life? Would you give him the same peace of mind, serenity, and happiness that I seek for myself? And after four or four days of that, I woke up one morning and that resentment was gone. It's never come back since then. And I think the irony of the situation is that today he's my next-door neighbor. And we're good friends. I visit in his home, he visits in mine. We laugh, we cut up, we tell each other we're really good friends once again. This thing really works. Now just think, if you could do this, what this book says, you could get rid of every resentment that you might have in your head today. That part of your mind, that stock in trade can be gone. Those shelves can now be cleaned up and prepared for a new stock in trading. Now God does not allow a vacuum or a void anywhere. If resentments disappear, they will have to be replaced with something else. And the only thing that can replace them is the opposite of them. And as resentments disappear, then you may find that that part of your head might be filled with a little tolerance, a little patience, a little understanding, a Little love toward other people. And that part Of our head begins to feel pretty good. And we are in much less chance of taking a drink than we were before we looked at resentments. This is not a negative process. This is a positive thing. And the personality change already begins right here in the middle of step four. As resentments disappear, we become different people. We do not have to look at assets. Now I know that may sound like blasphemy, but we don't have to Look at Assets. If God dwells within each of us, then all the good things of God are there. They have been depressed all these years in our search for money, power, prestige, sex, and everything else. We could not let them come to the surface. But as resentments disappear, I find that those things can begin to come to The Surface, and I can begin acting on God's will rather than Charlie's will. And I've already got peace of mind, and I'm not through with this inventory yet. That part of my store is now filled with saleable items. We need ten minutes to finish resentments. Do you want to do it now or do you want to wait in the morning? We'll let you make the decision. We don't care. How many of you want to do this? I'm going to do it now. Give me how many to wait until in the morning. I believe the nows have got it. It won't take but a few minutes. Let's turn the fourth column out now where we can see it. You know, it would do me no good to get rid of resentments if I didn't know how to keep them from coming back. Because if I got rid of all of them today and didn't learn how to get them out of my head, and didnít know how TO KEEP THEM FROM COMING BACK TOMORROW, I WOULD GET ANOTHER ONE. And another, and another, and another and another and then my head would be filled up again. So weíve got one more little thing to do with this fourth step as far as resentments are concerned. that's in the middle of page 67. Referring to our list again, you see we've got to have a written inventory. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others have done, we resolutely look for our own mistakes. Now this is brand new for us. We've always looked at what they did and not what we did. Where had we been selfish, selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened. Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to discard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults, we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight. Now then, we take each name And I'll use, for instance, my wife Barbara. Now, Barbara and I love each other today. And we've got a good life going today. And Barbara's in Al-Anon, and she is a black belt Al-A-Non. And she is good at it. We have a good live today. Eighteen years ago, that wasn't true, though. I hated the hell out of her, and he hated the heck out of me. And she would say, Charlie, you ain't nothing but an alcoholic. And I'd say, woman, you crazy as hell. It turned out when we came to A&L and on, we both were right all the time. And I had Barbara's name on this list. And the cause of it was that she filed for divorce three times the last year I drank. She was spending more money on lawyers than I was spending on booze and all the things that go with it. Now what part of self was affected by every one of them? My self-esteem, what are people going to think about me? This woman is filing for divorce. She's done it three times. Personal relationships. My material security, my God, if she gets a divorce, she's going to take it all. Emotional security. My sex life. My ambitions. All were threatened by that. And the only thing I could see all those years is what she had done to me. But in the fourth column, I look to see the exact nature of the wrong. Now, the wrong is the resentment. The wrong is what blocked me off from God's will. The wrong, the resentment is the incorrect judgment. And I didn't know my judgment was incorrect. And I looked to see that. I looked at the part I played, and I found that the exact nurture of that was this. the inherent characteristic of that resentment was this. I, because of my selfishness, had been out there doing some things I shouldn't be doing. I, Because of my dishonesty, was doing things over here that I never should have done in the first place. I, Beacause of my fear, was out there getting all of it I could before I got too old to get it. i because of my inconsideration of my wife and my children was doing things that placed me in a position to be hurt and i got caught at it and she filed for divorce i looked to see the part i played and for the first time i honestly looked at her resentment you see what we do with the And the reason we love them is because when we play that over in our head, they always get worse and worse. And we always get better and better. And if we play it long enough, we can transfer all blame to them and make ourselves as pure as the driven snow. Now, if you're a practicing alcoholic, you've got to develop those kind of skills. I don't think we could live with ourselves If we could truly look at those things We couldn't stand ourselves So we use our resentment To transfer blame to other people To rationalize and excuse ourselves So we can go on with the rest of our life And you know what I found out? As I looked at every resentment I found that there wasn't a one on this sheet That I didn't do something in the beginning That hurt them And they retaliated against me, and then I had used the resentment to excuse myself and transfer all blame to them. And when I realized that, I thought, my God, I'm also making a list of the people I've harmed as I make this list of resentments. Every one of them. Internal Revenue Service was on there. What did I do to them? Kind of cheated on my income tax. Yeah. This guy that I hated so bad, he and I went in business together. And he absconded with the funds. That's why I hated him. But when I read it on a right-hand column and looked to see the part I played in that, I realized I went to him to be a partner. He had something I wanted. He had some money I didn't have. He had som knowledge I didn' t have. And I needed him for my own selfish purposes. I could have cared less about him. Now, that doesn't excuse what he did. But it showed me where I put me in that position. And I didn't have a resentment that I myself had not started the ball rolling somewhere. Now, when I realized that and I looked at the exact nature of that thing, I could see that old personality of mine that was going to have to be changed if I want to be resentment-free in the future. Because you see, if I stay selfish, if I stay dishonest, if I stay self-seeking and frightened, if I say I'm not going to do this, if I don't stay inconsiderate of other people, I'm going to keep right on doing the things I've always done and I'm gonna hurt them and they're gonna hurt me and I'M GOING TO RETALIATE AND I'M GONNA BLOCK MYSELF OFF FROM GOD'S WILL AGAIN. For the first time I truthfully analyzed their resentment and I can see how it blocks me off from God's will. I can see what's within me that caused it. I can see the things within me that's going to have to be changed in the future if I want to live peaceful, happy, and free. It's not that easy, but it's very, very simple to see this. Joe? By the time we find the freedom in the fourth column, if we can't find it in the first three columns by analyzing it out, we get some freedom when we look at our involvement in each of these resentments. Now, I had one too and I'd like to share it all the time that I thought it was legal because it was against my ex-mother-in-law. You know, we like to keep those. And I really hated this woman and I could play this over and over sitting on a bar somewhere. I don't think about the many hours I wasted hating this woman. And she had broke up my marriage. That's the way it appeared to me. It wasn't the truth but it was the truth to me And I hated her. And finally, you know, I had to get to... That was one of those resentments I wasn't going to discuss with nobody. I was going to take it to the grave, you don't hide it. But finally it got so bad I had to list and analyze it so it was easy to put down a name and what she did. She interfered in my broken marriage. Which part of self did she affect? She affected my companionship, my personal relationship, my self-esteem. She affected my material security, my emotions secured in my sex life. She did bang, bang, bangs. She didn't miss none of it, you know. And I didn't really get any relief there until I looked at the fourth column. You know, I had never looked at this. Well, what did you do? Oh, nothing. I didn' t do nothing to that woman. No, I didn''t do nothing. But when I was really looking, what did I do? When I see my dishonesty, my self-seeking and my inconsideration for my family, for my wife and my two kids. I didn't hurt her, but I hurt the nearest thing to her and she only retaliated against me. She didn't dislike me. She wasn't trying to hurt me. She was trying to protect the people that she loved And once I seen that I was the main culprit, then I got rid of that resentment. Not only did I get rid of that resentment, our book says that we should be working the list for step eight while we're doing this. She came off the resentment list and went on the amends list. Many of the people that I had resented, I owe them as amends. And if we have done this accordingly, you take it off if we have done this according to the big book then we have all this information far as resentment is concerned for the rest of the program now for steps five six seven eight and nine in the first column we have the names we find out that some of those names in the First Column are going on the list for step eight We have the information in the last fourth column In the fourth column we have the exact nature of the wrongs We're going to discuss with another person We also have the things we're willing to let go of in step six And the things were going to ask God to remove in seven And a list for step eight In which we're going make amends in step nine So if we have done the resentment Like the big book says, do it. We've got all the information for 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 as far as resentments in our life laid out on one sheet. It's a little computer where we can list and analyze and get down to the information which we're going to use for the rest of the steps to work through our resentments. It's all tied up in words. People have argued for years. What's the difference between a wrong, a defect, a shortcoming? We're going to be able to see tomorrow as we progress on through the book where Bill didn't pay a bit of attention to these words. He used them interchangeably. That last column is the old personality, the old defects, the old things that we need to change. It doesn't make any difference whether you call them a defect or shortcoming a wrong, a mistake, or a fault. He used those words interchangeably. So we've got everything we need to complete the rest of the steps through step nine on this sheet of paper, resentment-wise. Now just think, we can be absolutely free of those resentments and we can keep them from coming back in the future by changing ourself. now if we've got a resentment in our head today that we don't want to turn loose up we need to look at it very carefully and see what we're doing with it and the first thing we need is not true it's true to us but if we list it and analyze it we may find that the truth of the matter is something entirely different and we may be doing what this lady did in the back of the book we maybe using that resentment to justify doing things that we shouldn't be doing or not doing things we should do. She used her resentment against her mother to justify her lack of education. Bull! She could have gotten an education if she had wanted to. She used that resentment to justify her marital failure. Bull! Mother didn't have anything to do with that. She used dat resentment to testify her alcoholism. My God, I love to use a resentment to justify doing things I want to do that I know I shouldn't do. And if we're carrying one with us and don't want to turn it loose, maybe we ought to look at it. Maybe those people in the past as we grew up did some things to us and maybe we didn't play any part in that. Maybe we were an abused child. Maybe we Were hurt in other ways and we didn' t play any part in them. But if we' re still carrying that resentment today, why are we still carrying it? If we wasn' t so selfish and wasn't using it, we could turn it loose. If we weren't afraid of living without that resentment, we could get rid of it. If we considered those people that hurt us then, maybe we could take that resentment and maybe we would turn loose of that resentment and develop a decent relationship with them today. If we're continuing with resentments, there must be a reason for that. And we've got a whole bunch of people in IA today that are sitting around in meetings and talking about the things that happened in the past and using those resentments to justify the way they are today. And what we need to be doing is analyze that resentment and then use the program to get rid of the damn things so we can live peaceful in the future. It doesn't make any difference why we became the way we are. The thing is, how do we get off of this mess? How do we find peace of mind, serenity, and happiness? Our book tells us how to get rid of every resentment so we can be peaceful, happy, and free. We just love this part of this little program because as we look at you today, we know that in the morning we're going to see you and you're going to be 100% resentment free. You're going home and do this tonight. Do it for us please with one resentment. And if no other, just try one resentment tonight and see what happens. And I think you'll be amazed. Now the next two things we're going to look at is fear and sex. We're tired. We've got a headache. You're tired and we don't feel like sex today. Let's get a good night's sleep and we'll have sex on Sunday morning, okay? Thank you all for being here. Bob, do you want to close? That story about that mule, I know. Bob is living in Kennesaw, Georgia, but he came from Tracy City, Tennessee. And he got a daddy up there just like he is. I was up there a year ago and got to visit with his dad. His dad was telling me about the old fellow that worked for the city all the time up there and said his main job was to bury the dogs that got run over on the street. and always he'd take the dog and he'd pull him off in a bar ditch and he would dig a hole, and then he'd say a little prayer and he put the dog in there and he said, ashes to ashes and dust to dust, if you'd stayed out of the road, you'd have still been with us. Every time I see Bob, I think about that. My name is Charlie Farman. I'm a very grateful recovering alcoholic because I'm member of the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and by the grace of the power that I found in the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I haven't found necessary to take a drink for 6,717 days today, one day at a time. And for this, I'm very grateful. Isn't it nice to be alive on Sunday morning and look outside and the sun is shining and the birds are singing and we can see it and we hear it also? Isn't that great? Isn't It great to know where we are this morning? Isn't it nice to know where our automobile is And again, isn't it Nice to know who we slept with last night And be able to remember Whether it was fun or not I woke up this morning And I heard a strange noise in the room Adjoining mine And I opened the door and I looked in And it was Joe And Joe was standing in the corner doing Hickory dickory i told you yesterday we had uh alcoholics have an extreme amount of willpower he just will not give up he's going to keep right on joe my name is joe and i'm a real alcoholic through God's grace because this program works each day of my life. I haven't necessarily taken a drink today, and for this I'm extremely grateful. As we start back this morning on the inventory, as we went through our resentments, and I'm very enthused about the inventory in the big book. I have, you know, as мы talked yesterday about all the confusion that we have done, And I think that of all the things that we have available, this thing is so powerful and so simple and so easy and so thorough. As we went through the resentments, we did everything we need for our resentments. We looked at, in the first column, we put down the resentment. In the second column, they put down what caused the resentment, In the third column, we found which part of self was affected. In the fourth column, we found out which character defect allowed the whole thing to get started. And for the first time in our lives, we can analyze. I love that word. Not only it don't do much good to list your resentments. In fact, listing your resentances really gets you kind of hot. That don't help a lot. But the word analyze is key. Analyze them out Get down to the truth And the truth will free us from the resentment If we have done this Then we should be free of these resentments And if we are free of These resentments from our minds Then God Can come in and direct our lives And if God can Come in and correct our lives Then we can see how step four We are carrying out The decision in step three because we've made a decision for God to direct our lives. And if we take the action of four, then we are carrying out the decision of step three. So we have all these things down for resentment, and not only have we completed resentments, we're beginning to teach ourselves something. You know, I'm beginning to see there is no way that we can work step 10 unless we take step four because we learn really how to take step 10. Now, you know, for the rest of our lives, as we get into step 10 later on this morning, for the resto of our life, when a resentment comes up, all I've got to do is say, what is it? What is the cause of it? Which part of self is involved? What's wrong with me? And I can look at that and get rid of that resentment right away. I can do that for the reste of my life. Each day for the rester of my live, I can process these resentments out because I learned this process when I did the inventory. You know, it's not only a tool we use once, but we learn a tool that we're going to apply for the rest of our lives on a daily basis. And as we listed and analyzed these resentment we saw what they do to us. We saw they block us off from the sunlight of the Spirit we could see where, with a resentment, insanity returns after a while and that eventually we're going to drink again if we don't do something about them. So the book not only showed me how to list them, how to analyze them, it also shows me how To Get Rid Of Them. As Joe said yesterday, 95% of them are going to disappear when we list them and analyze them because most of them do look pretty stupid when we really see the truth behind them. We don't like to appear as dumb people, so about 95% is going to disappear anyhow. Then those that remain through prayer, we're able to get rid of those also. So our mind can be completely free of resentment. Then as we did that fourth column, as we referred to the list again, putting out of our mind the wrongs others have done, we resolutely look for our own mistakes. Where would we have fallen? Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened and inconsiderate? And we begin to see that nearly every resentment that we had, we ourselves did something based on that old selfish personality that put us in a position to be hurt. So we were able to see the personality that created the resentment to start with and now we can see what we need to get rid of. And if I can get rid of selfishness, I won't be doing the things I used to do. If I get rid of dishonesty, I don't do those things that hurt other people. If I get rid of fear, I can start operating on courage. If I get rid of inconsideration, I can start considering what other people want. And that way, instead of being in conflict with people all the time, I could be at peace with people and I can have that personality change and be able to live in the future free of resentment. Now that's one stock in trade that's damaged, that's unsaleable. And as that old stock in trading disappears from my little business up here in my head, then it leaves that shelf open. And God does not allow a vacuum anywhere, period. Things are always rushing to fill it. And if resentments go, then that place will have to be refilled by something else and it can only be refilled by the opposite. And as they go, the resentment goes, I begin to find a little tolerance, patience, understanding, love for my fellow human beings. And that part of my head, God is now directing it and I'm in much less chance of having to take a drink. A very simple little procedure. Now, the second common manifestation of self, the second comment symptom of a spiritual illness is a person who is always running afraid. A person who has selfish and self-centered, running on self-will, is always doing things that put them in conflict with other people, doing things that put him in conflict with institutions, doing things that they have to be scared to death or what are they going to do if they find out, what's going to happen to me when this is once revealed, always afraid of what's gonna happen tomorrow, never knowing for sure what tomorrow will bring but knowing good and well that it won't be any good when he gets there. A person who runs on fear has no peace of mind either. A person who runs on fear, then fear is controlling them, whereas we want God to direct and control our will rather than fear. And if we make decisions based on fear invariably it puts us in positions to hurt other people where they retaliate and then we can experience more fear and more resentment. So if we don't do something about the second symptom of the spiritual illness, the fear itself, that in turn we're going to be blocked off from God's will. So the second unsaleable item, the second damaged goods that we're gonna look at is fear. Now I think we need though to make sure that we all understand that fear is a God-given thing and we're not going to be able to get rid of all fear because fear brings caution. You know, the fear of burning my rear is what keeps me from putting against a hot stove again. Fear is what helps me when I cross the street. Without fear, I'd get run over crossing a busy street. Without fear I would have no caution and without caution I couldn't live. But what we're really concerned about is the uncontrollable fears. Those fears that in most cases really have no basis anyhow. Those fears at cause us to do things we shouldn't do. And by the way, that's the same with resentments. I doubt very seriously if we'll ever get rid of all resentment. That's a God-given thing too. And resentment is one of the things that make us competitive as human beings. Resentment is oneof the things that causes us sometimes to get up off of our duff and do things that we ought to do that we haven't been doing. And resentment used right is a good thing for us. For instance, Joe usually tells a story about living in the neighborhood and all the old houses are all run down and he's sitting on the front porch rocking day after day after today feeling pretty good. And then somebody moves in across the street and buys the house over there. And the next thing you know, you look over there and the guy's got out a bunch of ladders and paintbrushes and paint, and he's painting his house and making it pretty. And we resent the hell out of him for doing that. Now who in the hell is he moving into the neighborhood screwing up the whole damn neighborhood? If we use that resentment right, though, that resentment will cause us to eventually go get ladders and paint brushes and paint and paint our house, and then we've got two good-looking houses there. And then the next-door neighbor resents me for painting mine and he paints his house, and the next thing you know, God's got the whole neighborhood looking good. Now that's the way resentments are supposed to be used. But we alcoholics don't use them that way. We sit in there on a front porch rocking, that guy mows in across the street, he paints this house, we sit there and we rock every day, day after day, resent, resent, resentment. Thirty days later at midnight, We go over and burn his damn house down, you know. So resentments used correctly are okay, and so is fear. But what if they dominate us and cause us to do the things that we shouldn't do, and they drive our thinking and they block us off from God's will? Then they become a bad thing. So we're not going to get rid of all fear, but we're going to gets rid of most of it. Bottom of page 67, Joe. Notice the word fear. It brought along difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employee, and the wife. This short word somehow touches almost every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and cordoning thread. The fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It's that emotion, trains of circumstances Which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve But did not we ourselves set the ball a-rolling Based on fear We make decisions and take actions That put us in a position To have fear To have to have fear And hurt people And letting the fear dominate the lie Fear starts within us We think fear ought to be classed with stealing It seems to cause more trouble. And then we're going to do the same thing we did. He gives us the same way to analyze these fears. You know, we all have fears, as Charlie said, and we're supposed to have them, but we don't know the truth. No, I don't Know the Truth. Only God knows the truth, and I can only see things as I perceive them. The truth to me is the truth is what I see, which is not the truth all the time. And, you know, these fears, I don't know when these fears are true or untrue. So we have to, in over a period of time, these things get out of whack in our lives. And now it's the time to sit down and enlist and analyze and get down to the truth of them. They said we reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper. even though we had no resentments in connection with them. And he says, We asked ourselves why we had them. We can see, you know, as he does, he changes instructions, but we can see the same thing. We put them on paper. We list the fears in the first column. And we have all sorts of fears as human beings. We have fear about the future. We have a fear about death. We have afraid about the economy. we have fear about the government, we have fear about our children we have all kinds of fears and just like we will never know how much fear we have until we put them down on paper because really you can't individually we can't see our fears because we just have one at a time but if we could put them all down on paper for the first time you can say, well, I didn't know I really had this many. We put all of our fears down from top to bottom. Who do I fear? What do I feel? And this is real simple to do, easy to do. Just sit down and let your pen flow, and just let these fears come out and look at them. And when we get that list, we'll be surprised how much fear has dominated our mind. Now, at the moment that we have these fears, then the things we fear is controlling our mind. God is not controlling our mind, we are not controlling our mind." You know, it's very enlightening to me how much a self-centered person thinks he's running his own life, but when we come to realize that the more selfish we are and most self-centered we are, the more we turn our lives over to other people. I had never run my life momentarily. I hadn't ever run my life. My life was dominated by the things I feared and the things that I resented. We could see yesterday as we did the resentment list that those people that we resented had control of our thinking. And if they had control over thinking they controlled our actions and they actually dominated our lives for us. Well, fear is the same way. If we have excess fear, then the thing we fear controls the way we think. And if it controls theway we think, it controlsthe way we act, and it controls our life for us." Now, we men like to say, well, you know, we're tough, we don't have any fear. But we're not talking about physical fears anyhow. We're talking about these fears of the mind. Fear of other people. Fear of the Internal Revenue Service. Fear of what my wife is going to do if she ever does find out what I was really doing back there about 18 years ago. Fears regarding my children, how are they going to turn out? Fears recording my brother who's still a practicing alcoholic. Fear of Internal Revenues Service. Fear, fear, fear and the same as with resentment. I didn't realize how much fear dominated my thinking until I put it all down on paper. And as I began to fill up sheet after sheet after sheet, I beganto realize that fear really does control my life. And we see the same instructions here that we saw for resentments except worded a little differently. He said we ask ourselves, why do we have the fear? If we go to column two on that sheet, we list the cause of the fear for why do I have it. Now this is not an attempt to psychoanalyze ourself. You know, I'm not going to say, well, the reason I fear the dark is because Mother didn't change my diapers right when I was a year old. Some fears are good. I'm supposed to be afraid of the dark. I don't have any headlights and I can't see at night. That's a good fear. I'm supposed to be afraid of heights. I don't have wings and I can't fly. I'm opposed to being afraid. But most of my fears, I can find a basic cause. And in most cases, I find that I myself set the ball rolling, which brought the fear later on. For instance, my wife Barbara's name appeared on the fears list also. And why do I fear Barbara? Because if she ever really does find out what I was doing, She may go ahead and file for divorce today. I fear the Internal Revenue Service. Why do I fear the InternalRevenueService? Because I cheated on my income tax. I fear the police department. Why do i fear the police departmenet? Because I'm always breaking the law. You know, I'm one of the world's worst when I get out here on the highway. I never, never drive the speed limit. I always drive 10, 15, 20 miles more than I should. And when I'm driving that way, I am filled with fear. I can't be comfortable at all. As I go down the highway, I'm always looking around the next curve behind the next sign over here to see if he's really sitting there, always having to check my rearview mirror and see if He's coming up behind me. Fear dominates the way I think, and it dominatesthe way I act. And we list fear after fear, and we list the cause, and we'll find that usually the cause stems from something we ourselves have set in motion. And I never realized that until I put it on a piece of paper. And then we look to see what part of self causes this. And the same is with the resentment. I cannot be afraid unless one of the three basic instincts of life are threatened in some way. If you threaten my self-esteem, what I think of myself or what other people think of me, it causes me to experience fear. If you threatened my personal relationships, my relationship with another human being, that creates fear. If you threatened my material or emotional security, that create fear. If you threatening my sex life, either acceptable or hidden, that creats fear. Now, if it created the kind of fear that caused me to take the right actions, it would be okay. But just like with resentments, I don't use fear correctly. I sit there and I fear and I feel and I hear until it begins to dominate my thinking and causes me to do things that normally I should not do. Just like a resentment can cause me to go over and burn that house down. Fear of material security causes me to become a very, very, I would say, tightwad person in my marriage. If I'm too afraid about money, I won't let my wife have what's needed to operate the family and operate the home. If I'M TOO CONCERNED ABOUT MONEY, I WON'T LET MY CHILDREN HAVE WHAT THEY NEED AND THE THINGS THEY NEed TO DO. and fear of economic insecurity can drive me to do things that I really shouldn't be doing. It may cause me to steal money. It may cost me to a lot of things that are normally would not be doing if it wasn't for the fear. And again, I begin to see how the basic instincts of life create these problems within me. And always in the fourth column, I look at the exact nature of the wrong and I see the same character defects. If I wasn't so selfish, I wouldn't be so fearful. If I weren't so dishonest, I wouldn'T be putting myself in positions where I have to feel the fear. If I warn't dishonest I wouldn'T be cheating the internal revenue service to start with. If I was not so frightened I wouldn´T be doing things that create more fear yet. If I were more considerate of other people I wouldn''T be dealing those things that create so many problems. If I considered my wife and my children, I would never have been out doing the things I did to create that fear anyhow. And I think the thing that really amazes me in this form is I begin to see the same names appearing over and over andover. Most of the people I resented, I did something to them that hurt them. And I find out that not only did I hurt them, but I find that I've been running afraid of them all my life because they're going to appear on the fear sheet also. I cheated the Internal Revenue Service and I resented the hell out of them because I used that resentment to transfer blame to them. I cheated on my wife. I used up resentment to transferred blame to her. And I had her on the resentment sheet, but also she appears on the fears sheet. So did Internal Revenues Service. And so did most of my resentments pop up also on the Fears sheet. Now, just like with resentments, when I really get them down and look at them and analyze them, 95% of these fears appear stupid as hell when I realmente look at it. And they're going to disappear. But there's going to be a few of them that I tend to hang on to that continue to drive me. So the book will also tell me not only how to look at fears and analyze fears, but how to get rid of those that continue to give me problems in the future. Joe? We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality is a way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is away of strength. The verdict of ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. they never apologize for God. Instead, they let him demonstrate through us what he can do. We ask him to remove our fears and direct our attention to what he will have us be. At once we've commenced to outgrow fear. And now we see the second prayer in step four. We have a prayer for resentment, and then we have a pray for fear. And if we have these deep fears that remain after we analyze them, there will be one or two that we can't get rid of. If we use prayer, and he says at once, we'll commence to outgrow fear. So if we can list and analyze these fears and get them out of our minds, clear them away, then, you know, again, we're carrying out that decision because God can come in and direct this area of our mind which was controlled by the thing we feared. So we're carrying out the decision in step three. Also in this process of doing our resentments, we have gathered all the information for the rest of the steps. We found out that some of the people on our fear list, we had done something to them, and that's why we fear them. So they go on the list for step eight. When we finish this, he says we should be making step eight while we're doing this process. Also on this list, we'll have the information in the fourth column for step five. What is the exact nature of our wrongs? We have the things we're willing to let go of in the fifth column. And the things are going to ask God to remove in step seven. So we have done it according to the big book. We'll have all the information for the fear. For the rest of the program, for the rest of the steps, we have gathered the information and we are carrying out the decision because God can now come in direct of our minds, which was controlled by fear. As we get rid of the fear we find, he says courage begins to come into our life. So, you know, step four is a very... Now, we always say step four was to look at things, but step four as a cleansing step is probably one of the most positive removing steps of the whole process once we really understand it in the big book. You know, fear does the same thing that resentment does. We can use that fear to keep us from doing things that we really should do or we can use fear to justify doing things we shouldn't do. If fear dominates us too much, it causes us to steal from other people. And when it does that, it creates problems for us. If fear dominates us too much, it may keep us from doing something we really ought to do. A lot of people even today would love to go back to college. But the reason we don't is we fear we can't make it now, we're too old, that we would have to face it with a bunch of young people. And fear can keep us form doing something we really want to do At one time in my life, I wanted to build a set of cabinets for my kitchen. But fear caused me to procrastinate. Fear that I wouldn't do a good job, fear that other people would look at them, and fear that others would laugh at my mistakes kept me from building those cabinets for a long time. Finally one day when I got rid of enough fear, I found I had enough courage to go ahead and build the damn cabinets. Now they still don't look very good, but it really doesn't make a hell of a lot of difference anymore. So if fear causes me to do things I shouldn't do or keeps me from doing what I ought to do, in either case, it's dominating my thinking. And I want God to direct my thinking, not fear. And if we've got fears that we continue to hold on to, just like with resentment, maybe we'd better really look at them carefully. Maybe we're using it for some reason. Maybe we'RE using it to justify doing something we shouldn't do. Maybe we're using it to justify not doing something that we probably ought to go ahead and do. Now, gradually as the fears disappear, then that's another unsaleable item. That's another stock in trade that goes out of my store. Now, as that shelf that held fears, asthat shelf is emptied, then the fear can be replaced with a good item or a good stock in traden. And the only thing that can replace it is the opposite of it. So I may find that my mind begins to now be filled with courage instead of fear. And I may found I can do a hell of a lot of things that I didn't know I could do. And if God's directing the part of my mind which was formerly occupied by fear, then I have a better chance of having peace of mind, serenity and happiness, and I'm in a less chance of going back and taking a drink, finding a way to live where I can be peaceful, happy, and serene. Now the third common manifestation itself is the harmful acts that we do that hurts other people. And it seems as though the fastest and easiest way to hurt other people is through this third basic instinct of life, or this thing we call sex. So at the bottom of page 68, it says, now about sex. Many of us needed an overhauling there. Now you older fellows don't get your hopes up. This doesn't have anything to do with physical sex. It's going to have to do With the way we think about sex, The sex life in human beings is different than it is in the rest of the animals on the face of the earth. Remember, the rest OF THE ANIMALS do not have this thing called self-will. Only we human beings have that. The rest of the animals on the face of the earth do not have the ability to choose, to make decisions and to decide what's going to go on in their life. When it's time for them to have sex, they have it at God's direction. God decides when they're going to have sexual intercourse. He decides when to have a sex in order to reproduce their race. He decides when they're going to have it. He decides where they're going to be. They're going to have it. He decides who they're going to have it with, and he decides how many times they're going to do it. And when it's all over with, they go on about their business. They don't have the ability to think about sex beforehand, nor do they have the ability to think about sex while they're doing it, nor do they have the sex after they're three-witted. That's all purely at God's direction. Usually when it's time for the other animals to have sex, God will signify that by certain physical changes in the female of the species. The male will sense those changes and the male prepares himself and the two join together and it's kind of like bang, bang, thank you, ma'am. And when it's all over with, they go their separate ways. They don't think about it beforehand, during or after. Very seldom do you see sexual problems in the other animals on the face of the earth. It is purely a God-directed thing. But he gave we human beings the ability to think. He gave us the ability to make decisions. He gave us theability to decide when we'll do it and when we won't do it. You see, with this ability to think and make decisions, we can use sex for purposes other than just reproduction of the human race. We can use it to reproduce, but we can also use it as an enjoyable, pleasurable thing. And because of the fact that we can decide when we're going to do it, and we can decided who we're gonna do it with, and we could decide what position we're gon' do it in, and we couldn't decide how many times we're gone do it. And we can't decide when and where we're goin' to do this. And we couldn' decide how may people we're go'n do it wit, that seems to create some problems for us. Most of our sexual problems are not physical sexual problems. Most of our sexual problems come from the way we think about sex. Because the way мы think about it determines the actions we're going to take. And that action determines whether we're gonna hurt other people or not. If we do it one way, we don't hurt people. If we doing things a different way, we end up hurting people. So the question is, have I been hurting people in the past through my sexual life, my sexual behavior? And if so, how can I shape a sexual life for the future where I don't continue to harm people? Because if I harm people, always they retaliate. And as they retaliated, that creates pain and suffering for me. and then I transfer blame to them through resentments and I find my mind filled again with resentments and fears which have been working all this time to get rid of. So my book is going to give me a way to look at this. It says, but above all we try to be sensible on this question. It's so easy to get way off the track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes, absurd extremes perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation. And we've heard that set of voice all of our lives. No, that's the set of the voices that say sex is dirty thing, that sex should only be used for one thing period to reproduce the human race and that ought you ought to do it in one position at one time with one person and to do it any other way is sinful and to to enjoy it, is bad. I've heard that set of voices over and over and over all my life. Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex, who bewail the institution of marriage, who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable as sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it or that it isn't the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. And we have that set of voices, and we hear them say that you ought to be able to do sex anytime you want to, in any position you want to, with as many people as you want too, any way you want tu, and you oughta be able ta enjoy it every time. And if you don't, there's somethin' wrong with you. I think today they would call that probably the sexual revolution. The only thing I really see wrong with that is it happened about 25 years too late for me to really fully participate in. God, if that had been that way when I was young, I doubt if I'd be here today. One rule would allow man no flavor for his fare, and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. And the book says we want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about them? And I read that with great relief. because I was quite sure this book was going to condemn me for what I had been in the past. I was quiet sure this books was going tell me how I was going have to do sex in the future. And I found when I read that they want to stay out of this controversy, they don't want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct, I read back with great relief. Now what the book is going to do is to show me a way to look at my past sex life and then a way to make decisions about what my future sex life should be. And it's going to leave the choice and the decision entirely up to me. I see the same set of instructions that I saw for resentments and that I sought for fears except worded a little differently. We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. where had we been selfish dishonest or inconsiderate that's column four whom had we hurt that's volume one did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy suspicion or bitterness where were we at fault what should we have done instead we got this all down on paper and looked at it. So we take the third sheet and we list those people that we hurt by our sex conduct in the past, and I think most of us will find that invariably some way or other we have hurt people by our sexual conduct to the past. If we're in a situation where we have a sexual partner or a marriage partner and we go out and do sex in places we shouldn't be doing it and they find out about it, surely we've hurt them. If we have children and the sexual problems creates a problem in the home, then surely we have hurt the children. If the partner outside of marriage I had sex with, if this becomes common knowledge, surely I hurt her. And if she has children, surely that hurt them. And if he has a spouse, then surely that hurt him also. Now many of us have not gone out and done anything outside of our marriages, but surely in some way or other we've hurt our partners within our own marriages. Maybe we hurt them by demanding more sex than is our fair share. and forcing them to have it with us when they didn't want to. Maybe we hurt them by being cold and callous and not giving sex to them when we should, and surely that's hurt them. Or maybe we use sex to create jealousy, suspicion, and bitterness in the mind of another human being. Sometimes our partners aren't paying attention to us like they should. So we'll begin to start some casual flirtation with somebody outside of the marriage with the idea of creating jealousy in the mind of our partner, and then perhaps they'll pay attention to us. And sometimes we get carried away in those situations and we start doing things that we really shouldn't be doing. And if so, we end up hurting people. Most of us have hurt people in some way or other in the sexual area. We very carefully make a list of all those people we can think of that we have harmed by our sex conduct to the past. We then fill out column two. What did I do? Did I go out and commit adultery and end up hurting my wife? Did I do this? Did I doing that? What are the things that I actually did that created the pain? And then I go to column three, and I see which part itself caused this. And I think this is the amazing part of this particular inventory. You would think that most of the sexual wrongs that we've done in the past would have been caused by the sexual instinct, and once in a great while that's probably true. In order to get the physical release, the physical gratification, the emotional gratification that comes with sex, sometimes we do it at the wrong time in the wrong place with the wrong people because of the sexual instinct. But I think most of us are going to find that most of our sexual misconduct comes from one of the other two basic instincts, either the social instinct or the security instinct. You know, as young boys growing up, we men learned at a very early age that you can use sex to build your ego. You can use sex to build your self-esteem. You can used sex to make yourself feel good about yourself. We found that the more members of the opposite sex we can attract to ourselves, the greater man we really are. Now, we boys call that John Wayneism. I don't know what you girls call it, but some of you tell me you seem to be afflicted with the same problem, that the mere members of opposite sex you can attract yourself, then the greater you can feel about yourself now. Now, if that's the reason we're doing it, then we're doing that because of the social instinct, not the sex instinct. You know, sometimes we're just lonesome. Sometimes we just want another human being to recognize us. Sometimes we're lonesomers. Sometimes we want a relationship with another human being, and we found that if we give sex, we can buy back emotional security. We can buy back personal relationships. Now, if we're using sex for that purpose, then most certainly that's not caused by that basic instinct of sex. We find that we can use sex to buy material security. Sometimes we're in sexual situations we really would rather not even be in. But we find that when we have become so overly dependent upon that other person for our material security that we have to give sex in order to buy back material security Now, if that's what we're using sex for, then that's not caused by the basic sexual instinct. We find that we can use sex to get even with other people. You know, maybe we have a partner in our relationship and we find out that they've gone out and done something they shouldn't do. And we say, by golly, we'll show them. We'll damn sure get even WITH THEM. And we'll go out and we'll do the same thing. Now, the fallacy in that is that after we've done it, we can't afford to tell them about it. But we were going out and doing sex then, not because of the sex instinct, but to get even with another human being. That's caused by the social instinct. Sometimes we use sex to force our will on another human Being. They're not doing what we want them to do. So we say, By golly, we'll show them. We'll just cut them off at the pass. We won't let them have any until they come around to our way of thinking. Now, we boys aren't too good at that. We only last two or three days. But I'll guarantee you, you girls have honed that to perfection. You know exactly how to do it. And I don't blame you. If I could do it as good as you could, I would too. But there, through the withholding of sex, we may be hurting another human being, not because of sex but because we want to force our will on another human Being. So I think we're going to find if we review these things that those wrongs, those things we do wrong sexually really don't come from the sex instinct anyhow. Most of them come from the social instinct or the security instinct. And when I found that out, I with great relief realized that I'm really not a dirty, filthy old man after all. That I'm just a sick human being and I've been using sex for the wrong purposes. And when I realized that, then most of the guilt associated with that stuff began to disappear. I always thought I was over-sexed. No, I'm not over-sexed. I was under-secure was my problem, and I used sex to build that security. And when i realized that Then the guilt began to Disappear And also when I realized that's what I use sex for, then the desire to go out and do it at the wrong time in the wrong place where the wrong people begin to disappear. I began to realize I don't have sexual problems. I've got problems in the social area and I've Got problems in the security area and the desire To go do sex to build those things up that became less and less and Less and I found that sex was an easier thing to handle in the future. Now, the book is going to give me a way to look at it. It's going to get me away to see who I hurt. It's gonna give me away to see which part of self caused it. And then in the fourth column it's gonna look at the exact nature of the wrong. The harm I did is the wrong, but what really caused me to do that? What's within the old personality that caused that to happen. I see the same character defects. If I wasn't so selfish, I wouldn't be out there doing it. If i wasn't too dishonest, I would not be out here doing it . If I was not so afraid that I better get it all in now while I can before I get too old, I will not be doing it in the first place. If considered my wife and my children and somebody else's spouse and children a little more, I probably wouldn't be doing those things in the first place. If I stay that way, I keep on doing the same old things. If I do the same ol' things, I'll keep hurting people and they in turn keep retaliating against me. The book does not in any way make this a moral issue. It does not tell us what we should do or shouldn't do. It does condemn us. It simply gives us a way to look at our sex life and see the kind of problems we're creating for other people, which in turn creates the problems for us. Joe? In this way, we try to shape a sound idea about future sex life. We subject each relationship to a test, whether it's selfish or not. That's the key question. Was it selfish or non-selfish? The book doesn't care how you do sex. If you want to do sex hanging upside down from a tree limb by your toenails, that's great with the book. But if you're forcing another human being to have sex with you hanging upside-down from a three-limb by their toenails when they don't want to, then chances are that's for selfish reasons and you're probably going to be hurting somebody else. We ask ourselves, we ask God to mold our ideas to help us live up to them. And we see prayer right through here. There's three or four little prayers in here. Remember always that our sex powers are God-given, and therefore neither to be used lightly, the selfish despise or loathe. Whatever our ideas turn out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be able to make amends where we have done harm, provided we do not still bring about more harm in doing so. And here we have a list that's talking about Step 9 in regards to this list. Now, we have completed this list and analyzed again, not only listed, we have listed and analyzed our sex conduct of the past. We've gotten down to the truth. And the truth, again, sets us free. We see the same process. You know, we had a lot of guilt and remorse and everything else, but when we seen what was causing this, we got rid of that. And now we're carrying out the decision because the guilt and remarks from the things we've done in the past block us off from God, and God cannot direct the mind. But in the first column, we have some of the people on the list quite naturally for Step 8. And again, we'll have the exact nature of the problem in the fourth column. So we have all the information from sex to deal with Steps 5, 6, and 7, and 8, and 9 for the rest of the program. And so, again, well, carrying out that decision in Step 3. What really blew my mind as I finished this list up Because I kept seeing the same names appear on this list that appeared on the other two. I resented Barbara, I was afraid of Barbara, and I hurt Barbara. And I began to see name after name after named appearing on all three lists. And that like to blew my mind when I saw that. And I could see how those things in the past had really destroyed any chance of me having a relationship with another human being that would be peaceful, happy, and free. When I saw those same names appearing over and over andover, I really began to realize how these character defects have dominated my life and created my problems for me. In other words, we would treat sex as if it were any other problem. Again, we see prayer. In meditation, we ask God what we should do in each specific matter. He's going to repeat this again. The right answer will come if we want it. God alone, God alone can judge our sex situation. Counseling with another person is often desirable. We let God be the final judge. And this is true. I think this is one area in human life where, in my particular area, that God has always been. We let God be the final judge. You know, we don't know who we're talking to. Even in AA, you can get a lot of it. It says in AA we share our experience, strength and hope. And we're always adding something. You know how we people like to add stuff to AA. We have added advice. a lot of advice in AA too. You know, we messed up everything, but we're always giving advice. And if you'll go around AA long enough and talk to enough people, you'll find a whole bunch of people to agree with you on whatever you want to do. So it says we don't accept advice in this area. We don't except advice. Who are we talking to? We don' t know who we talking to? He said, let God be the final judge. And we could just do that. You know, I look back at my life, even when I was running the show before I come to AA, I was never in a sexual situation. I was in a lot of sexual situations that were wrong, but I didn't know that he was wrong. I knew it was wrong, but I did my thing. So that's nothing new. He said, let God be the final judge. God has always been in my life. I've always known right from wrong. So he said, Let God be that final judge in this area of our life. And if we can do that, I'm sure that all of us will develop a safe, sound sex life for the future. One reason I loved to drink was that I'd get ready to do something in this sexual area and have a little thing inside me would say, Charlie, I don't really think you ought to do this. And I wanted to do it so bad. I found out that with a few drinks, I could depress that little voice and go right ahead and do what I wanted. And then when I got through with it and got sober, I think, Jesus Christ, did I really do that? I don' t think I've ever done anything wrong sexually that I didn't know it was wrong before I did it. We let God be the final judge. That thing inside ourselves tells us right from wrong always. Okay, so suppose we fall short of the chosen idea and stumble. Does this mean we're going to get drunk? Some people tell us so, but this is only half true. It depends upon our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done and have an honest desire to let God take us to better things, we will be well forgiven and learned our lesson. If we are not sorry in our conduct and continue to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We're not theorizing these as facts of our experience. You know, and I think that's the key thing. You know if it's a key thing, if anything that I do in my life, not only sexually but any other way, Anything that I do, and I don't know whether it's right or wrong, but I can look, and if it's going to hurt another person, then it's wrong for me. That's a good indicator that will govern my life. There's a sum-up about sex. It says we earnestly pray for the right idea, for guidance in these questionable situations, for sanity and for strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves in hard into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves and it quiets the imperialist areas when the year would mean heartache. Then he gives us an ultimate weapon to escape from self. You know, there's one thing about an alcoholic. When one alcoholic works with another alcoholic, we get so involved with another alcoholic that we get out of self. We get into his life and we get our own way. We get out as self. When we get outside of self, then God can come into our lives. It seems like that's the only way God sometimes can get into the life of an alcoholic is to catch him meddling with another alcoholic. And God can come in while we're not there. Now, I don't believe this means that you think of what others need and help them in the sexual area. I don' t believe that's what it means. No, I do' n't believe that. Some people tend to read it that way. Okay. Now we're going to do a summary. We're going to summarize, at this point we'll begin to summarize the inventory process. If we have been through our personal inventory, we have written down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. Now, we Have also listed and Analyzed our fears. We have also listed And analyzed our sex conduct of the past. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality if we have done it this way, the big books do. We have commenced to see their terrible destruction if we had done it in this way. We have learned to learn tolerance, patience, and goodwill toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. For the first time already, we see some personality change. You know, we didn't get anything out of the first two steps. They weren't even part of recovery. Step three was the first step in which we made a decision. They said that was just the beginning. We didn't getting anything out at step three. But now here is the first personality change as it begins as a result of these steps. Out of the fourth step of action, step four, the first personalities change. We have learned tolerance and patience and goodwill toward all men, even our enemies. And that's a lot of progress for an alcoholic. I mean, that's a lot of personality change. We have listed people we have hurt by our conduct and will straighten out the past if we can. We have made the list for step eight while we were taking step four. Okay. And we might want to add on some other names. On that last list, the sexual list, maybe it's the people we have harmed some other ways. You know, if you harm or you stole something, just put their name on the bottom of this list. People I have harmed. And not only put their names on this list, put down what did you do. And then look at what part of self caused you to do it. And then put down the character defect involved. List and analyze our harms to other people. Put them on the top of this checklist. Complete this list and set it aside when we get to step eight. Now, in this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now, and you should be, that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from him. Once we see the truth about this and accept it, then we begin to feel, oh, hey, God can take care of this. If you have already made a decision, step three, in an inventory of your grosser handicaps, step four, you have made a good beginning. That being so, you are swallowing and digesting some big chunks of truth about yourself. And we look at that word, grosser handicap. Step four is an attempt to get to our grosser handicaps. And I think that's all we can do at the first time we do this. We have another step ten later on in which we're going to continue to look at these things. We're goingto get deeper and deeper and deeper, but step four is to get rid of our grossier handicaps, and I thinkthat's the great mistake that most of us are making. I see many, many people around there come in and they wait. They're trying to sit around and wait for two or three years, and then they say, then I'm going to take my inventory. You know, they come in the program, they think you get well and take the inventory instead of you take the inventor to get well. And we're just looking for our gross or handicaps, and we'll be working on these things for the rest of our lives. I think many of us want to be so perfect, And we want to be sure we're going to get everything done just right in step four. That we continue to wait until we're sure we can do it perfect before we'll take a chance on doing it. And there's no way we're ever going to do it perfectly. The best we can hope for in the beginning is to get rid of those major things that block us off from God's will. Resentment, fear, and harms done to other people. Now, if we can get those out of our mind and let God direct that part of our life, then we're probably going to be able to stay sober long enough to get ourselves straightened out good enough that we can go ahead and work on the other stuff later on. But if we don't do something about resentment and fear and the harms we've done to other people, then that's going to block us off from God's will. And insanity returns, and we drink again. And as I look back in this inventory now, as far as I'm concerned in my life, this inventory is 100% complete. I really don't need anything else. Because as I Look Back in My Life Today, I realize that every problem I've ever had in the past has manifested itself in one of three ways. I was either mad or in hell at somebody for what they did, or I was scared to death of something or I had done something to hurt another human being. Every problem I've ever had has shown itself in one of those three ways. And I think every problem I'll ever have in the future will show itself in One of Those Three Ways. I'm going to get madder than hell at somebody or I'm gonna be afraid or I will be doing something that hurts another human Being. So I really think if we do it this way, we're going to find that this is all we have to have anyhow. And we'll be working on this for the rest of our life. As we go on through the rest OF THE STEPS, we're gonna see this process continue and gradually it gets better as time goes by. Now I don't know whether you all have noticed or not, but the majority of the information in the big book on sex is to be found on page 69. Have you ever noticed that before? I don't know that that means anything at all, but that is where it happens to be. Somebody had a sense of humor somewhere, you know. We heard a story not long ago about a young lady who had entered AA and been sober maybe three or four months. And she went to her sponsor and said, I'm having a hell of a problem with this sex thing. And her sponsor said, well, what seems to be the problem? She said, Well, sober. I don't seem to be able to do anything at all. She said I've never had sex sober, and I don' t have the slightest idea about how to go about having it sober. And she said I' ve never tried to attract a member of the opposite sex sober and I just don' T know how to do these things at all and I'm having a problem with this. And her spon sor said, Well, that's understandable. She said. I'll tell you what you need to do. She said, if you go home and get your big book out and read page 69, you'll find all the answers that you'll need to any sexual problems you may have. And the young lady said, fine, great. And she went home and got her big book and started to read page 59, but she got confused on the page numbers and instead of 69 she read page 96. Just for the hell of it, let's go to page 96 and see what she read. Thank you.