Mental Insanity – Book Study – Big Book Study – Part 1 of 4 – Local AA Speakers

Okay, now next we're going to look at Fred. Now, Fred is all in a different mood than Jim. And, you know, we can get drunk any way we want to. This obsession with alcohol is very strange. And it says that in other areas of our life, we might be all right, but when it comes to alcohol, we are insane, and I was in my life. I hate to tell about it, don't talk about it too much, I was in a nut house back in 1962. And while I was in a nuts house, my first counselor was a nut. He was certified nut. He'd been living there for ten years. But he was nuts in other areas. He had a lot missing. But he had his alcohol piece. See, I didn't have my piece. I had one little piece missing about alcohol. This nut had a whole lot missing, but he and he had his alcohol piece. And I was getting ready to leave and I was coming home and I wasn't getting ready to get out and he'd come up to me one day and say, I want to talk to you and I said, what do you want? Get away from me. They worried the hell out of you. And he was a nut and he said, Joe, I wantto talk toyou. I said okay, come over here what you want. He says, you're getting ready to go home aren't you? I said yeah. He said, Joe, when they let you go home If you don't drink, you won't ever have to come back here. And he was crazy. But he could see the truth about alcohol. He could seethe truth aboutalcohol, and I couldn't. I wasn't crazy, but I didn't have the peace he had, you know. Okay, now look at Fred. Now, Fred is a partner in a well-known accounting firm. His income is good. He has a fine home. He's a happy married father, promises children college age. Fred is doing good. No, Jim had lost his business and was working for somebody else. Fred is in good shape. If there was ever a successful businessman, it was Fred. To all appearance, he is a stable, well-balanced individual. Yet he is an alcoholic. We first saw Fred about a year ago in our hospital where he'd gone to recover from a bad case of jitters. It was his first experience of this kind, and he was much ashamed of it. Far from admitting he was an alcoholic, now remember Jim took three steps. uh fred and fred didn't want any uh he we he told himself he came to the hospital to rest his nerves i see a lot of them nervous the doctor emulated strongly that he might be worse than he realized for a day for a few days he was depressed about his condition he made up his mind to quit altogether it never occurred to him perhaps he could not do so in spite of his character standing fred would not believe himself as an alcoholic he would not take step one much less except spiritual to remedy for his problem he would not take step two we told him what we knew about alcoholism they told him about one he was interested in seeing he had some of the symptoms but he was a long way from admitting he could do nothing about it himself he was a positive that a humiliating experience but the knowledge that he acquired would keep him sober the rest of his life self-knowledge would fix it okay now fred went on out and got drunk again and he came back and down at the bottom paragraph let's start down there and he's going to tell us how he got drunk how did how did fred get drunk he said in that frame of mind i went about my business for a time all was well i had no trouble refusing drinks and began to wonder if i've been not making too hard of work out of a simple matter oh he was getting drunk right here already now we can see that one day i went to washington brazil some accounting evidence to a government bureau i had been out of town before doing this particular dry spill so there was nothing new about that now let's let's listen to listen to what was going on with friend physically i felt fine neither did i have any pressing problems or words my business came Well, I was pleased that you, my partners, would be too. It was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon. What a beautiful day this guy had. I went to my hotel and leisurely dressed for dinner. Now to squiggly writing. See, all the insanity is in squiggly written. He said, As I crossed the threshold of the dining room, the thought came to mind. It would be nice to have a cup of cocktails for dinner, That was all, nothing more. Don't that sound reasonable? Now here was a guy who went to Washington and presented the evidence to this government bureau. Business came off well. He was very pleased and knew his partners would be too. End of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon. He walks into the dining room of a hotel and says, Boy, I have had a beautiful day. I believe I'll have a drink and go back to the hospital. That's what he said. I mean, that's insane. That's insane." You see, that is the truth. But he couldn't drink on the truth His mind refused to see that a couple of cocktails would put him back in the hospital His mind believed a lie and said a couple of cocktails would be nice before dinner. That was all, nothing more. Now, based upon that insane idea, based upon the believing in the lie, he made a decision and he took some action. He said, I ordered a cocktail in my meal. Then I ordered another cocktail. Now we've got it inside of us. We've triggered the allergy and now we can't stop. After dinner, I decided to take a walk. When I returned to the hotel, it struck me a highball would be fine before going to bed, so I stepped into the bar and had one. I remember having several more that night and plenty next morning. I have a shadowy recollection of being in an airplane bound for New York and of finding a friendly taxi cab driver at the landing field instead of my wife. The driver escorted me about for several days. I know little of where I went or what I said and did. Then came the hospital with the unbearable mental and physical suffering. As soon as I regained my ability to think, I went carefully over that evening in Washington. Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. This time I had not thought of the consequences at all. I had commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. At least Jim vaguely sensed he wasn't being any too smart. But Fred didn't even sense that. Fred had no defense whatsoever against that first drink. So it doesn't make any difference whether we're low-bottom, high-bOTTOM. It doesn't matter whether we feel bad or feel good. It doesn' t make any different whether we know what's wrong with us or don't know what' s wrong with us. The time comes in our life, for every one of us, when we simply cannot see the truth about alcohol. We believe the lie, we become insane, and then we take a drink. And then after we take the drink, then that triggers the allergy. So the real problem is it the fact that we're allergic to alcohol, or is itthe fact thatwe become insane when it comes to thinking aboutalcohol? The state of the mind immediately preceding the first drink. On page 42, last paragraph. Once more, the alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense, his defense must come from a higher power. Now he has really convinced me in this chapter that I'm going to have to have that higher power, that I am going to need to have a higher defense. going to have to have that vital spiritual experience because of the fact that I am insane when it comes to alcohol. And I don't think many of us would want to go ahead with this thing unless we can really see and understand why we have tohave the vital spiritualexperience. Now, even though he sold me on the idea, and even though I realize that I've got to have the vital spiritual experience. That still doesn't mean that I like it. It still doesn'T mean that it's going to be easy, because before coming to AA, I had preconceived ideas about this God thing, about this spiritual experience, and about these people who have to depend upon a power greater than they are. You know, all my life we laughed at weak people. How many times did we go by the church house on Sunday morning? We see them walking up the steps, going into church, and we say, look at those weak suckers. If they're as strong as we are, they could stand on their own two feet, and they wouldn't have to be going in there praying to something they don't believe in anyhow. How many times have we sat around in bars and argued for hours about this religion thing? You know, one day I'm an agnostic and you're the atheist, and then we argue with that for four hours. Next time we meet, I'll be the atheist and you be the agnoc, we'll argue with each other. How many of us had that preconceived idea of a punishing God, one that sends you to hell for doing all those things we were doing? Now if you've got those ideas in your head, faced with the fact that you're going to have to find a power greater than you are, you're gonna have to have a vital spiritual experience, even though you realize that it still may seem an impossible thing to do. And Bill knew that because that's exactly the way Bill thought too. And thank God he wrote the next chapter. The chapter entitled, We Agnostics. AA has given me two tremendously, I think, wonderful things. First it gave me this thing called God as we understand him. It doesn't have to be the God of anybody else's understanding or the God of any particular religion. It's God as way understanding. him. But remember, my old understanding of God was hellfire and brimstone. Now how in the world can I turn it over to him when he's going to send me to hell anyhow? This little chapter gave me a new understanding of god. And I think that's what it's here for, to let me change my ideas, to let me change my views about God, about spirituality, about all of those things in general. I don't think without this chapter I could ever have gone to step three. I don'T think that I could have ever made the decision without looking at this chapter and getting a new understanding of God. It says in the preceding chapters you've learned something of alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. if when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. And we just love that statement. Two simple little questions. If when you honesty want to you find you cannot quite quit drinking entirely, that's one question. Or if when drinkin' you have a little control over the amounts you take that's the second question. then you are probably alcoholic. You see how the fellowship magnifies things and changes things? Hell, today we have a pamphlet that has 44 questions in it. And we only need two. Thank God Ebi didn't have the 44 questions when he walked in Bill's kitchen. He'd have said, Bill, has alcohol been bothering your reputation? Hell, he hadn't had a reputation in years. And then he said, Bill, has alcohol been interfering with your sex life? And he hadn't had any of that in years either. He'd have confused the hell out of old Bill. Two simple questions. Now if that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. To one who feels he's an atheist or agnostic, such an experience seems impossible. But to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he's an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face. See, I'm going to have to face one of those two. I'm gonna have to Face drinking until I die or to accept spiritual help, one of the two. Now, if I'm an atheist or an agnostic, that seems to be an impossible job for me to do. Thank God this little chapter explains, no, that isn't true. It said that it isn't so difficult. About half our original fellowship were of exactly that type. At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics. But after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life or else. Perhaps it's going to be that way with you. But cheer up, something like half of us thought we were atheists or agnostics and our experience shows that you need not be disconcerted. And to my amazement I found that when I read this page, that I really didn't know what I was. I didn't Know Whether I Was Atheist or Not. I Didn't Know whether I Was Agnostic or Not and I Didn'T Know whether i Was a True Believer or Not So again I had to go back to my source And I went to the dictionary and I looked some words up to see how I felt about God. And I find that an atheist is one who says, God does not exist. And if an atheist believes that God does Not exist, then he has no power greater than human power to turn to in times of difficulty. And the only person the atheist has to depend upon is himself, and he must make his own decisions, run his own show, and stand on his own two feet, because there's no power greater than human power. I said, Charlie, are you an atheist? And I said no, I'm not an atheist, because I've always believed in some kind of God. So I said well maybe you agnostic then. So I looked up that word and I find that an agnestic is one who believes that God exists, But since you can't prove it, he's afraid to take a chance and he acts like an atheist. He acts as if God does not exist. And he runs his own show and he stands on his own two feet and he is self-directed and he has the master of his own destiny just like the atheist is except the agnostic does believe that God exists. And I said, Charlie, are you agnostic? And I says, You bet your boots I am. That's what I've been all my life. It seemed I might have been born with that idea. I don't know, maybe it was taught to me, I don' t know. But it seems like always I have believed in some kind of God, but always acted as if that God did not exist. If I didn't believe in God, I wonder who it was that I talked to when I was in jail, and I said God get me out of this damn mess and I won't be back here anymore. If I didn't believe in some kind of God, I wonder who it was that I felt so guilty about and thought God would strike me dead for doing some of the things I'd been doing. You see, I've always believed in God, but I always acted if God was not there. Now a true believer is different than the atheist or the agnostic. A true believer is one who believes God exists and acts as if He does. The true believer doesn't try to stand on his own two feet, make his own decisions, and rule his own destiny. The true believers are one who turns to that God, asks for help, power, and direction in his life, and he receives it from God, and he knows that God exists. And there's a hell of a big difference between those three. Now the real question becomes, if I'm an atheist or if I'M an agnostic, How can I get from either one of those states to the state of being the one who is the true believer? If you don't believe, or if you've believed and acted as if you didn't believe. How do you get from that position to being the stateof one who can use this power and let God work in their life? I didn't think you could do it because of what we had been in the past. But my book says that isn't true. that it really isn't all that difficult. It says, if a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. Alcoholics are not bums. No, there's such a thing as a drunken bum. And the drunken bun is where he wants to be. And he's enjoying his life and he's not very interested in changing things. Alcoholics are people who may be with a drunken bum, but they don't want to be there. I've never seen an alcoholic yet that didn't have a code of morals. I've Never Seen an Alcoholic Yet That Didn't Have a Good Philosophy of Life. We all know that we're supposed to work. We're supposedto take part in our community. We'resupposed to take care of our wives,our children,our families,and etc., and we have a good philosophy of life. But the problem is, because of our alcoholism, we've never been able to live up to those morals or that philosophy of life. It says, but we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral. We could reach to be philosophically comforted. In fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient. they failed utterly. And I believe that's true. However much will we have, however good our morals and philosophies, our human resources as marshaled by the will failed us utterly. And the reason I believe that's truth is because we're sitting here today. You know, if we could exert the power outside of AA to overcome our disease, we wouldn't be members of AA today. This is the court of last resort. We came here because we absolutely had to. We could find no other way to stay sober. Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We just did not have enough power to do that outside of AA. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a power greater than ourselves, obviously. If our power could have solved it, it would have. But where and how were we to find this power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. Now it doesn't say which will help you solve your problems or which will enable you to solve your program. It says which will resolve your problem now up until page 45 in the big book. I've been concentrating on one thing and one thing only, staying sober. Staying sober, staying sore, staying sober. But the big book says that really isn't what this is about. It said the main object of this book is to enable me to find a power greater than I am and then that power will solve the problem. From this page on, we never talk about alcoholism and alcohol anymore. From this page on, we talk about one thing and one thing only. How do you find that power? Now, it doesn't make any difference whether we're atheist, agnostic, true believer, or whatever. If we can find that Power, then that Power will solve the problem. Now, there's a simple little formula that's been known to humankind forever, that if you go through it, you'll be able to find the power, regardless of what you are at the present time. I thought for we agnostics this would be impossible. I thought für people who live like I had lived, this would be impossible, but my book said that isn't true. A simple little procedure that if I'll follow it, I'll beable to find that power. Let's look on page 47. Okay, how do we begin? We begin this very simply, and this is basically a way we do anything. It's a simple procedure. On page 47 in the middle paragraph, we need to ask ourselves but one short question. Do I now believe or am I willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself? Now, the agnostic already believes, so he's ready to start. the atheist has to become willing to believe and if either of those people can do that then they're on their way it's as soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe we emphatically show him that he is on his way it has been repeatedly proven among us upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built Now, we don't have to. And I think that this is a practical program of action, it's something that any alcoholic can start with or work. It's not an impossible task and it says it's very easy. You know, I think one of the greatest mistakes that, one of difficulties that most people have is, you know, we all have the same pitfalls in working the steps. You know that I was pretty mixed up when I come into programs like all alcoholics, and always told me in order to use God you had to have faith. People say if you just had faith in God, you'd be all right. When I got near the bottom pits of my alcoholism, I even had some people have the audacity to ask me to trust in God. And thank God that's not in Alcoholics Anonymous. No one asked me to have faithfulness. No one had faith in God and no one asked me to trust in God. Alcoholics Anonymous said, can you believe? And that's where you have to start. See, faith comes after you use it. Trust comes after many years of using God. Believing comes before you start. Believing is upfront information. That's all you can start with is to believe. And if you don't believe, if you're atheist, you can become willing to believe All we have to do to start this program is to Believe. And how can we not look at other people and believe? And he said, upon this simple cornerstone, a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built. And you know, again, he's using that illustration that he started out in the first step. In the first steps, he said the foundation of this structure was willingness. And through the first set, we become willing to change. After all the pain, we've become willing the change. And upon this foundation, we're going to set a cornerstone. and a cornerstone is after you become willing to change the next thing you've got to do is you've gotta believe you can change and we'll put that cornerstone on the foundation and we're gonna build the spiritual structure but we don't have to have faith you have to believe see it ok I'm not but it's just like you know you see something on TV and the woman on TV, she claims she has faith. She's got that Tide on there. And she said, if you wash your shirts in this, it'll get them white as snow. Well, you ain't never used no Tide. You don't have no faith in it. But you can believe her. And if you believe her and go get you some Tide and wash your shirt and they come out white, then you've got faith in Tide When you go back and get the second box, you go Back on Faith. But the first box, you get it because you believed her. So believing is the beginning, and that's all we have to have to make a start. If you'll notice at the end of that paragraph where it said, A wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built, asterisk, bottom of the page, please be sure to read Appendix 2 on spiritual experience. You know, they want us to understand that spiritual experience And in making that reference, along with the wonderfully effective spiritual structure, then surely this spiritual structure we're going to be building is that spiritual experience. And as we go through this thing, we're gonna find more and more references. We're gonna be able to see how the spiritual experience, the personality change sufficient to recover, is being built as we progress through the book. The first part of it was willingness, which is the foundation. The second part of It is belief, which Is the cornerstone. And I always thought you had to have faith. And it feels real good to know that all I've got to have is belief. See, my minister always said, Son, all you've got To do is have faith, and it's difficult To have faith when you can just barely believe. It said that was great news to us, for we had assumed we could not make use of spiritual principles unless we accepted many things on faith which seemed difficult to believe. Now let's see how we can get from belief to faith. It's easy to believe, it's easyto become willing to believe because if you're dying from the disease, you desperately want some way out of there. But now, how can we get from belief then to faith, one who can use that power? Let's go over to page 51, and we'll see an example of what can be done on belief only. The middle paragraph says, This world of ours has made more material progress in the last century than in all the millenniums that went before. In other words, we have made more material progress in the world with inventions and discoveries in the last 100 years than all the men that lived on the earth before. Most of the things that we use in our material world, cars and airplanes and transportation and microwave ovens and all those things have been developed in the 100 years. We have developed more than all of the people that lived before us. He said almost everyone knows the reason. And really he's assuming that why is this? But I don't think we really see why we have been so progressive in the material world. Students of ancient history tell us that the intellect of the men of those days was equal to the best of the day. I always assume that the reason we have invented so much in the last one or two years is that we were smarter than other people that lived hundreds of years ago. But that's not true. They had the same minds that we have. Now, he goes on to say, Yet in ancient times material progress was painfully so slow. The spirit of moderate scientific inquiry, research, and invention was almost unknown. Now, He tells why. In the realm, materials' minds were fettered by superstition, tradition, and all sort of fixed ideas. Now, in the old days, these people had the same minds that we have, same intellect. But they invented nothing because their minds were shrouded by certain fixed ideas. They lived in societies that did not allow them to believe different. No, you couldn't believe nothing new in those days. You had to believe like everybody else. I could just see, you know, if some guy 300 years ago had been going down through the street with a box with some wire and stuff, and they said, where are you going? He said, I'm going down here to make a television. And they said what? He said well I'm gonna show some pictures. They'd cut his head off. You know, they didn't want you to do nothing new. You couldn't believe different. You had to believe like everybody else. Now if you believe the same, whatever we believe, we become. Whatever we have believed in the past is what we are today. So if you believe the same, you're going to remain the same. And what this thing is telling us, the only way you're going to change, you've got to be big enough to believe different. Because if you're believe the same, you remain the same. If you can believe different, you are going to become something different. So our society really encourages us to believe different so that we have made progress in the material world. And he gives us some examples. He says, Some of the contemporaries of Columbus thought a round earth was preposterous. And this is true back before 1492 and Columbus's days. Before Columbus everybody thought the world was round. They believed a lie was flat. They believed the world as flat. As a result of that, most of the people lived on one part of the earth, and they stayed there. And all the riches of the world was laid out here for us, and they were there because they believed the lie. And Columbus come along, and he was big enough to believe different. And he changed the world. He changed the maps of the World. He changed their lives of everybody on the face of the Earth at that time and probably everybody since then, he changed the world because one principle, he was big enough to believe different. He didn't believe like everybody else. He believed different from everybody else." Now we look at that story all the time, and we know Columbus was an alcoholic death, and he had to be an alcoholic. Now who else but an alcoholic? It had to been an alcoholic to believe against the whole world. So you had to be hard-headed to do that, self-centered. And his whole mannerism is one as of an alcoholic. Now, as we go through the story, we always look at what he did. Because when he left, he didn't know where he was going. We know that's a drunk. And when he got there, he Didn't Know Where He Was. And when He Got Back, He Didn't know Where He Had Been. But what really made him an alcoholic was a woman financed the whole trip. And he did die in jail. But he believed different and he changed the world, and it's a great example. This is why Bill uses those examples, one of the greatest examples in history of man changing the world by believing different. Now, he didn't know the world was round. He didn't have any faith in that. He just said, I believe it's round. And he was laughed at. Now, Charlie and I really believe in looking at the story, we kind of think some more things happened. We know that Columbus had these three ships. And on the lead ship, when he got these ships to leave at night, he hired one special sailor and put him on the leading ship. And he had a lantern on the bow up front. And he said, he told him, he said you know I believe the world is round. He said but if you see the edge of this damn thing tonight you holler out. You see there's a big difference between belief and faith. Now Columbus followed a little formula. That's right. which humankind has known forever, to have success or to change the situation where you are. Columbus first had to believe, and he believed that the world was round. He changed his belief. He believed it was round, no longer did he believe it was flat. Now that really didn't do him a whole lot of good, though, because he's still standing on the shore of the ocean, believing that the world is round. Some months or years later, he made a decision. He said, I'm going to go find out. I'm gonna see if this sucker is round or flat. But that decision didn't do him any good either because he was still standing on the floor of the sea. On the shore or the ocean. Some months or years later, he began to take some action He began to look for money. He went first to the king of Portugal, and the king, being an astute businessman, said, there's no way I'm going to let you have this money. He said, hell, you sail out there, sail off the edge of the earth, I'll lose it all. Eventually he ended up with the queen of Spain, and he talked her into the money with a promise that he would bring her back gold, silk, and spices. She let him have the money, and she took the money and bought these three ships. He hired the crews, he put the provisions in them, and they began to sail west. Now again, this is a drunk idea, because he was trying to get east, but he was sailing west. And they sailed day after day after way. Day after day. And finally they found land on the other side. Now they did not find what they were looking for, which was the East Indies. They found what today we call the West Indies. But he had proven to himself that the world is round, and he had proved that you don't sail off the edge of it if you sail out that way. Now he came back, and he went right back to the Queen of Spain. And she said, Columbus, where's the gold and silk and spices that you promised you'd bring me? He said, Honey, I didn't find any. But he said, If you'll let me have the money, I'll go back again. And this time I'll find them. And she let him have the money, and he went back on a second trip. But when he went Back on the second trip, he went Back on faith, not belief. Because Now he knew that the world was round. You wouldn't sail off the edge of it. He did not hire the special sailor and put him on The lead ship at night with a lantern looking for the edge Of the world. See, there's a hell of a big difference between belief and faith. Now, our twelve-step program of recovery is not anything new at all. We would like to think that it is. We would want to think this is an A.A. invention, but we are going to find that as we use the steps that we are gonna follow the same identical pattern that Columbus followed. The first thing we're gonna have to do is believe also, and that's what we do in step two. And then after we believe, we're going to have to make a decision. And that's what we do in step three. And then, after we make the decision, we are going to take some action. And that is what we will do in steps four through nine. Then, as the result of that action, we will get certain results. Those are called the promises at the end of step nine on page 83 and 84. then because of those promises then we are going to know and in step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps we tried to carry this message to others a very simple procedure that has been known to humankind forever Bill took it and put it in words that you and I can understand and, more importantly, in words that we could accept in our lives. And I think we'll find the same twelve steps at the basis of every great true spiritual movement in the world today, worded a little bit differently, but always with the same idea in mind. Believe, decide, act, and then we will know or have faith. And now that we know and have faith, then we can go back and help the next person come to believe. And that's what we can do as the result of the steps. So really, that's all we're after. Now this thing has told me some very important things. It has also shown me where I don't have to wait on proof. As an agnostic, I was always afraid to venture out because I didn't know what the results would be. Now, if you could prove to me that God would make my life better, then I was ready to turn it over. And my book shows me example after example where proof is not always right either. At the bottom of page 51, it says we ask ourselves this, are not some of us just as biased and unreasonable about the realm of the Spirit as were the ancients about the real world? The realm of material. Even in the present century, American newspapers were afraid to print an account of the Wright brothers' first successful flight at Kitty Hawk? Had not all efforts at flight failed before? Did not Professor Langley's flying machine go to the bottom of the Potomac River? Was it not true that the best mathematical minds had proved man could never fly? Had not people said God had reserved this privilege to the birds? In the early 1900s, the best mathematicians in the world had proven that you could never build a powered aircraft that would pick itself and the weight of a pilot up off the ground. And most people had given up entirely on the idea of powered aircraft or powered flight. Now here comes two guys called the Wright brothers, and it amazes me how they could believe differently than all the rest of the world. These guys were not mathematical geniuses. They were not flight engineers. These two guys were high school dropouts, and they were of all things bicycle mechanics. Now how a high school dropped out bicycle mechanic could believe that he could build an airplane that would fly when all the mathematical minds had proven that it could not is beyond me. But they believed they could. And based on a belief, they made a decision. And based upon a decision, they took some action. They emptied out the bicycle shop. They got in some more materials. They put a big table in there. They sat down and on paper designed their own airplane, and they built it, and they took it out to Kitty Hawk to fly it. And the first time they tried to fly It, sure enough, It crashed. And I can just almost see Orville turn to Wilbur and say, Damn you, Wilbur, I told you this wouldn't work. But Wilbur said, Let's take It back. Let's modify it. We'll repair it, and we'll try again. And after some repeated efforts, one day that thing flew with one of them flying it. And somebody saw that, and they ran to the telephone. And they called the American newspaper man, and he said, Quick, quick, put it out over the wires of the world. The Wright brothers have flown a powered aircraft at Kitty Hawk. And he said... You crazy as hell. He said, If I should tell that lie, they'll fire me tomorrow. Now, proof is not always right. So why wait on proof? Why not just start with belief? Even today, the best mathematical minds in the world today will prove to you beyond any shadow of a doubt that a bumblebee can't fly. A bumble bee's got a little short, fat, stubby body. He's got little short stubby wings. And mathematically it's impossible for him to generate enough lift to pick himself up off of the ground. Now, the only thing wrong with that idea is that the bumblebee can't read. He believes he can fly. And based on his belief, he makes decisions and takes action and just flies all over the place. He'd be in a hell of a shape if he ever learns how to read. Then he'll know he can't fly. So we agnostics who waited on proof, the book says you really can't have proof beforehand. Proof comes afterwards. We can only have belief. Oh, this is an important chapter. It told me what I needed is a power greater than myself. It told Me that the only thing I had to do to start the finding of that power is to believe that I can. And now it's going to tell me where that power is. And if I know what I need, and I know how to start, and I knows where it is, then surely I can find it. You know, I spent all my life looking for God. People tell me today, they say, you've got to find God, you're got to... We don't think you've Got to find Him. We don' t think He's lost. Now, if you've been here since the beginning of time, it's very difficult to get lost. We think if we know where He is that we'll automatically be able to use this thing. Now, in looking for G-d somewhere as a kid growing up, A picture developed in my mind that he was a tall elderly gentleman. He stood on a white cloud, and he had long flowing white robes and long hair and a golden hay roll around his head and sun rays shooting out of it. And I've looked and I've look and I never could see him. I looked for him in the birds and the bees and the trees and I could never find him. And I think the reason I couldn't is because I never knew where he was. My book tells me exactly where to find him. Page 55. It said, yet we had been seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world, people who rose above their problems. They said God made these things possible and we only smiled. We had seen spiritual release but liked to tell ourselves it wasn't true. Actually, we were fooling ourselves. For deep down in every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a power greater than ourselves and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives are facts as old as man himself. We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our makeup, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but he was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the great reality deep down within us. And the last analysis is only there that he may be found. It was so with us. And I think what my book is telling me is that God dwells within me. That God dwellS within every human being. And it seems as though deep down inside ourselves, somewhere, we seem to have some form of basic knowledge. We seem to has some ideas about how you should live and how you shouldn't live. We seem the have some ideas of what we should do and what we shouldn't do. And it seemed as though that knowledge had always been a part of ourselves. Now some people might call that common sense. sense. Some people might want to call it innate intelligence. Some may want to call it the conscience, and I'm sure others would prefer to call it the soul. And I don't think it makes any difference really what we call it if we can recognize that that knowledge and that power is there. Now just think, if God dwells within me then I've got my own personal God. I don'T have to worry anymore whether He's the God of the Catholic Church, the Baptist Church, the Hebrew, it doesn't make any difference. If he dwells within me, he is now my own personal God. And if I could get that knowledge to the surface, and if I Could begin to work on that knowledge, then chances are my life's going to become better. And all my life I've heard that little voice. You know, it used to say to me when I was getting ready to do something, they'd say, Charlie, I don't think you ought to do this. And I wouldn't pay any attention to it, and I'd go right ahead and do it and just get in all kinds of trouble. And then it would say, see, I told you not to do it. And it seems as though that's always been there. Now, in my chase for money, power, prestige, sex, and all those good things of life that I thought was so important, I just pushed that knowledge deep down inside myself and refused to operate on that. Now just think, if I could bring that knowledge out and start operating on it, maybe I could find a way to live where I could be peaceful, happy, and free. God dwells within all human beings. He dwells with me. He dwellS within you too. This is completely new for me. These are new ideas for me these are the things that I learned from this chapter that allowed me to go ahead without first demanding proof. Without this chapter, I could never have taken step three. I could not have made the decision because my old God, he wasn't very kind and he wasn' t very gentle and he punished the hell out of it. A completely new understanding of God. Okay, moving on. Let's take about ten minutes this time. A lot of information in the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters. We've been able to see what the problem really is. We've Been Able To See The Disease. We've Been Able TO See The Unmanageability Of Our Lives. we've been able to see that left on our own resources we simply cannot find enough power to overcome the power of alcohol. In chapters 2, 3 and 4 we've seen that there is no power where we've being allowed to see that this power greater than human power is the answer. We've been unable to see that that power comes in two forms One, the power we can gain from the fellowship. The other, the Power We Can Gain Through the Vital Spiritual Experience, where we will be able to have that personality change sufficient to overcome the disease of alcoholism. We've been able to look at a different kind of power for most of us. We've been able to develop some new ideas about God as we understand Him. Through the knowledge we've gained, we've been able to swallow some of those old aversions we had against God and against a power greater than human power and come up with new ideas. So really what we've able to see is where we are, powerlessness and why we're that way, and where we need to be, a power greater than human power. And we're going to be called upon in a little while to make a decision between those two things. And I can almost see Bill as he finishes up chapter 4, he says, well, I'll fool around with this long enough. that what I need to do now is tell them the practical program of action. And he wrote chapter 5 and he called it How It Works. And probably the reason he called It How It Works is because that is exactly how it works. And in How ItWorks we see the beginning of the practical programme of action necessary to find that power. necessary to get from a state of powerless to a state of one who can use the power. Now, they tell us that when Bill began on chapter 5 that he felt very, very inadequate. First, they had been using these tenets from the Oxford groups, which the Oxford groupers never had them listed, but the drunks had taken the tenets and made six little steps out of them. And Bill could see too many loopholes in those steps that the alcoholic mind could slip through. And he felt that they needed to be broadened out, and some of the loopholes closed. He didn't know for sure how many steps they needed, but he felt they needed more. And he would try, and he would trying, he would tried, and try as he would, he simply could not get started on chapter 5. And one night while in bed, leaning against the headboard, pillow behind his back, he loved to write that way, pad and pencil in hand, he gave up. And he laid the pad and pencille down and he said, God, I can't do this. I need your help. I need you to help me. I need to get your direction. Please tell me the things that I need today. And he said he meditated for a few minutes and he picked up the padandpencil and he always said that he felt as if the pencil had a mind of its own. And as the pencil raced across the page, in about 20 minutes he had written this thing called How It Works That We Read at Every Meeting. Absolute miracle. Almost a perfect design for a living. Now you've got to realize that Bill had only been sober about three years. Bill was no great spiritual giant. About the only thing Bill knew about spirituality is what Ann, Dr. Bob's wife, and Henrietta had read to him out of the Bible. He was a conan, manipulator, New York City, speculator, alcoholic, just like all the rest of us. Yet he managed to write in that 20-minute period one of the greatest spiritual pieces the world has ever seen. Certainly there must have been some guiding hand behind this. Now what we're going to read to you in the starting of how it works is not what you have in your book today, but we'd like to read you the original How It Works that Bill wrote that night that appeared in the original manuscript before changes were made to it. We've got to remember that that first 40, which later turned out to be 100, had demanded of Bill, that he let them see the chapters as he wrote them and they would add to, delete from, and change around. And what we're going to read is the manuscript before they got hold of it. And I think in doing so, we can see exactly what Bill's intention was and the great design that he had and what he had been using this doctor's opinion in the first four chapters for. As we read this, we're going to try by a change in tone or voice To point out the differences And if you'll follow with us through your book I think we'll realize some great differences Anything you want to say? Okay, Bill said Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our directions Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not Completely give themselves to this simple program usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates, they are not at fault, they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a way of life which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, then you are ready to follow directions. At some of these, you may balk. You may think you can find an easier, softer way. We doubt if you can. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas, and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that you are dealing with alcohol—cunning, baffling, and powerful. Without help, it is too much for you. But there is one who has all power. That one is God. You must find him now. Half measures will avail you nothing. You stand at the turning point, throw yourself under his protection and care with complete abandon, and now we think you can take it. Here are the steps we took which are suggested as your program of recovery. Number one, admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable. Number two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Number three, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care and direction of God as we understood him. Number four, made us searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Number five, admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Number six, were entirely willing that God remove all these defects of character. Number seven, humbly on our knees, ask him to remove our shortcomings, holding nothing back. Number eight, made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make complete amends to them all. Number nine, made direct amends for such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Number ten, continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admit it. Number eleven, stop through prayer and meditation and improve our contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Number twelve, having had a spiritual experience, as the result of this course of action, we tried to carry this message to others especially alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs you may explain what an order I can't go through with it do not be discouraged no one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles we are not saints the point is that we're willing to grow along spiritual lines the principles we have set down are guides to progress We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas. A, that you are alcoholic and cannot manage your own life. Step one. B, that probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism. Step two. C, that God can and will. Still step two. If you are not convinced on these vital issues, you ought to reread the book to this point or else throw it away. That was pretty hard hitting, wasn't it? It was plain. I love that version of how it works. As Bill wrote that first night, it was so plain and simple. Now remember, this is the way he was spiritually inspired to write it. Now as Bill, as Charlie said, as Bill wrote these chapters, they would be typed, and Ruth Hawk, God bless her, she said she typed this manuscript, I think, 44 times. You know how many, how much you're a drunk? You know how drunks are. You know, we do a lot of changing. I know recently here about a couple years ago, a group in my neighborhood and my neighbor at home, they had a meeting for four hours and decided whether they wanted a Coke machine or a Pepsi machine. But each time, you know, she would type these chapters. She would make three copies of them. She would send a copy to Akron and a copy in New York, and they would keep a copy. And the groups at that time, while the book was being written, the groups would have their meeting on these chapters. And they would argue and go through them and straighten them out and then give them back to Bill. So Bill had went through this with four chapters. And the first four chapters, those first 40 people at that time, they had given Bill's work a complete maul. And every chapter they went over it. So it was kind of frustrating for him to write with them approving it but it wasn't nearly as bad as what was going to happen when bill wrote how it works and today we love this and read it at every meeting but they really hated it you know they really the book almost stopped when they saw how it worked uh bill had just as a story ago and i get into bill had just finished the chapter that night. He was inspired as he wrote it, and I know how he must have felt just seeing the 12 steps for the first time. And he had just finished it when he got a knock at the door, and one of the New Yorkers was leaving a meeting and came back to visit Bill with his pigeon and brought his new prospect by. And Bill was really enthused. Oh, God, what a great opportunity. I'm going to show someone else the 12 steps for the first time. And he showed it to Howard, and Howard hated it. He said, where in the hell do you get all that from? Who in the world wants all this shortcomings removed anyway? And you know how Howard was kind of offended. We're alcoholics too. Now when Howard, when he came into the program, before he seen Bill the last time, they had six steps. And now they've got 12. Now, how would you feel when you left your group last week? You had 12. Oh, you went back and had 24. How would you fear? I mean, he said, what in the hell is all this? And so the argument began right there. And Frank, I hope, talked more about it tonight. There was a great separation of these people. Remember, we had the conservative people and the Akron people, were the people out of akron ohio dr bob and his bunch these were people that the spiritual things were great for them they loved it they even wanted some of them even wanted expressions of god and the bible and christ and everything else in the book and then we had the liberals coming and they didn't want no discussion in there and then they wanted a kind of a psychiatric book and then we have the radicals you know the the atheist uh jim burwell he didn't want god mentioned nowhere in the book and so these people begin to argue and they argued back and forth and back and forth bill got caught up in it and some of them said you're going to change it bill said i ain't they said yes you are and they had a big squabbles and the book almost collapsed so finally they had a great compromise. The compromise was we were able to say God. Some of the conservative people got to say, God. And some of the radicals got us to say as we understand you. All these compromises were made. The steps were changed to get the version that we have today. And this is the story of really what happened to this part of the book. And as we noticed, we'll talk a little bit about what happened after this because Bill didn't make a deal with them. And I think he come out with the best deal. Bill was pretty cunning. He knew more about what he was doing than they did. So he boxed these guys in and he was able to finish it without them having a lot to do with it i think it's quite clear as we read the original version of how it works that bill did not intend for this to be a set of suggestions he said directions at least three times and how it works and whenever the rest of the members saw the directions they said oh hell you can't have this you can'T give directions to alcoholics if you do they'll just bow their neck and they won't do anything at all and they began to fight against that word directions and bill said i do not want to change this but i wrote this after prayer and meditation and he said i believe this is the way it ought to be and they kept saying where he says you you you they said don't be telling people what they have to do and where it says must must must they said dont be that emphatic and they argued and they thought about this for days, weeks, months. And finally, at the suggestion of a non-alcoholic psychiatrist, Bill agreed to change a few words. The psychiatrist said, I think if you would make it suggestions instead of directions, more people would accept it in their life. He said, well, you keep saying you, you,you. If you would say we, we,we, don't tell them what they've got to do. Tell them what you did. And he said, where you keep staying must, must. He said, use the word ought-ought. And he said, probably more people will buy and use your book. Now today we have no idea. You know, if they had left it like it was originally, maybe instead of a million and a half today worldwide, we'd have 10 million people. But also if they hadn't changed it, maybe Instead of a Million and a Half Today, We'd Have 10,000. Who knows? None of us will ever be that smart, but we do know this is the particular history of the book. and Bill intended for it to be a set of directions. Now, the compromise that he made with them was this. He said, all right, I'll agree to these changes under one condition, that from now on I'll be the final authority on the rest of the book. He said I don't intend to go through this stuff anymore. And he said if you want me to finish it, then you give me the authority to do it. Well, they didn't want to give him the authority, but they didn' t want to write it either. So they reluctantly agreed to let him do that. Now, what he knew but what they didn't know was two pages later he was going to put directions right back in the book. And he uses directions all the rest of the way. You only see suggestions in how it works. So it's evident that he meant for it to be a set of directions. I think another thing we've got to realize is at that time, everything that was going on was one-on-one, face-to-face. And when they would find a new person to work with, they would go to that person wherever he might be, hospital, jailhouse, or wherever, and they would sit down with that person and through the telling of their story, they could teach him about the disease. They could teach them about the powerlessness, about the unmanageability. and through the identification process they could help that new person see their disease and the unmanageability of their life. And then they'd say, can we come back and see you in a couple of days? And they would leave him to mull that over and a couple days later they would come back and then they would begin to talk about spirituality. They would feel out about how he felt about God and then THEY would talk about the need for the power in their lives and how they had to have that to overcome the disease and through the telling of their story again, they could convince him that he needed a power greater than himself also in order to recover. And when they were convinced that that person was convinced that they were alcoholic and needed a Power greater than themselves, they would then bring them to a meeting and then they would tell the group, we want to sponsor this person into this group. We think he knows he's alcoholic. We think he bleeds in a power greater than himself, and we want to sponsor him. And the group then would vote whether to let him in or not. Sponsorship then was just like it is in the Rotary or the Lions Club or the Eastern Star or any organization where you have to have a sponsor. That's what sponsor originally was. Then when the group accepted him in, three or four of them would take him upstairs. They would all get on their knees, and he would take step three. And then when it was all over with, they would vote on how well he took it. And if he didn't take it good enough, they'd say, we believe you better take it again. But the first step that they had in those days was what we know today as step three, all the information for one and two they gave to this person on the 12-step call. Now, they knew, though, when the book was written that the guy in Georgia, they couldn't see him one-on-one. And they wouldn't be able to convince him through their own story about the disease and the need for a power greater than they are. So the book had to do that. And the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas. A, that you're an alcoholic and cannot manage your own life. That's step one. They did it one-to-one up there. The second idea is probably no power on earth can restore us to sanity. That's step two. And God could and would if he were soft, which is the last part of step two They did it one-on-one up there. Here we're doing it through the book. So we should by now be convinced of the three pertinent ideas. And if we are, then we've already taken steps one and two. You see, there's no work involved in one and three. One and two are conclusions of the mind that we draw in our mind based upon the information given to us in the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters. Now, the book says, being convinced, we were now at step three. And I used to read that statement and I'd say, well, where in the hell did one and two go? You know, from three on, the Book tells you why you need to take it, how to take it and what the results will be. It never mentions that in 1 and 2. So 1 and 3 are not action steps. They are information-gathering steps. They show us where we are. They show me where I am. They show where we need to be. Powerless over alcohol, came to believe that a power greater than herself can restore us to sanity. Now if we're convinced of that, then we're ready to go to step three. And the book says if you aren't convinced, you ought to go back and re-read the book so you can become convinced of those things or throw it away, one of the two. You see, it recognizes you can't do three until you've got the information for one and two. And we can see that. We can see the design. We can See the Plan. And we Can See Where the Doctor's Opinion in the First Four Chapters Fit in There Exactly Where They Belong and What Their Purpose Really Is. Joe? Being Convinced We Were at Step Three. Now, as we look at these two things and looking at your other handout, we can see where we are. We have taken the first step, and because of the allergy and the obsession, we are powerless over alcohol. So there's two parts to the problem. And if we're powerless, then the obvious solution is power. And we found out in those earlier chapters of that power, in Chapter 2, that that power was in the fellowship and the power of the spiritual experience. So if we have those two things, we are ready at step three to make a decision. And we have a decision and we stand at the turning point. And we two facts. The word decision comes from the word dissect, which means to choose a course of action or gather facts and choose one to act upon. So we have two facts, and we can either go one or two ways. We can continue to disbelieve and continue drinking, or we can believe and accept spiritual help. This is the decision. This is our choice. Each individual, if he has these first two steps for the first time, he has a decision in what happens to him. You see, we could never make this decision without the information in the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters. It has taught us about our disease. It's taught us that we're not going to die. It's told us about the power greater than human power. Now, based upon that information, we can now make a decision. And we've got one of two ways to go. He said there's no middle-of-the-road solution. One road we can go down is to continue to drink until we die, in sanity or death. The other road is to accept spiritual health, sanity and sobriety and a peaceful life. And only we can make that decision. Nobody can make it for us. I wish we could. But each of us will have to make our own individual decision. But surely, with the knowledge we've gained now from the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters, surely that decision is going to be much easier to make than it would have been before we looked at, read, and studied those four chapters. See, the guy that tries to start in how it works, chapter 5, has to start with that decision. And he doesn't have the information to base that decision on. That's why it's so important that we look at the first part of the book, read it, study it, understand it, and absorb it. And then we can make our decision. Okay. Being a visceral is step three, which is that we decide to turn our will and our life over to God as one. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do We do? And this is the real confusion of it. Step three, this is a first step in recovery. As we said, there's not any recovery in the first two steps. They just put us in position to begin recovery. And it's like going to the doctor. When you go to the Doctor, the first thing the Doctor does is make a diagnosis to find out what is the problem. now once he does that you know and that's not it's not in therapeutic is it any therapy you don't feel any better when he says i believe you got the flu well you still feel the same you don't feeling it better but he tells you that and and then after he finds out you got the flu once he identifies the problem then he writes out a prescription and he gives it to you now you got two things you got your problem and he got your answer in your hand but you don't feel any better you know when you get that prescription you don t feel any better in fact you might feel worse because he s going to get some of your money charlie finally told me what those prescriptions said i didn t know what they said i can t read them too well he s pretty good on that he told me they said they say i got sixty dollars from this fool. See what you can get out of him, you know. Send it to the drugstore. But anyway, see, you won't start improving any until you go get the prescription filled and go home and take the medicine and carry out the planned program of action. You've got to carry out the treatment plan. But those two things put you in a position to begin the healing process. And so step three is the first step in recovery. All the rest of the steps now, from now on, are going to make some improvement. Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine. Gradually, as a result of these steps, we're going to recover. And so Step 3 is the First Step in Recovery. And he says, you know, just what do we do? As we talk about these steps as going through them, I think Step 3 is a very intricate step. It's based on the first two steps, and it says we make a decision. And again, we know a lot of times in the fellowship and over the years we get things really clouded up. And it says that we make our decision to do something. A lot of time people say, well, you know, I don't know what's wrong with my life. I've been in AA two or three years, and I turned my life and my will over to God when I took step three, and I don't know what's the matter. Well, you know, you don't really turn your will in your life or care of God at step three. It says we've made a decision to. And decision means further actions. You know, if we could turn our lives over to God at steps three, our lives would be so good we wouldn't need any more steps. We would be perfect. But the only thing we can do is make a decision to do this and it tells us you know exactly what to do make a decision and it tells us what we what what what does this decision talk about to turn over and it shows us what specific item to turn it or turn over our will in our lives and it tell us over to who a God of our understanding is a very intricate maneuver and a lot of times we get mixed up on what but this is just the beginning the only way we can turn our will and our lives over care of God is by the actions that come in the 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. Step three is a decision to do 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9." My wife Barbara and I decided every fall of the year that we would go to California and visit some relatives in Los Angeles. But we never did get to California because we never took any action based upon that decision. And year after year after years, we would make that decision every year and do nothing about it. One year we made the decision, and I took my car down and had it serviced. And Barbara packed the clothes, prepared a little food, we got in my car, and we drove from my farm to Tulsa, Oklahoma. And then we drove to Oklahoma City. And then мы drove to Amarillo, Texas. And then We went to Albuquerque and then Flagstaff, and you know we ended up in California visiting relatives. not because of the decision, but because of the action we took to carry out that decision. I think that's the one thing that we need to realize right off the bat in step three, that we're just making a decision. Very important. We could do nothing without it, but the decision itself does not do the job. And again, it's tied up in words and a proper understanding of words. What is it we're going to turn over? What is what we're doing? What is that we are going to try to turn over. Well, we're going to turn over our will. Now what's our will? Well, our will is nothing more than our mind, our thinking apparatus, this thing up here in our head. A common use of the word will is this, that if I'm approaching the end of my life and I've gathered up a few material things and I want to be sure that they go where I want them to go, I'll normally go to an attorney and he and I will sit down and he'll have a piece of paper in front of him and I would tell him my thinking as of that day. I'll say, I'd like for my wife to have this. I want my son to have it. Now this is to go to my daughter and my brother should have that. Now he'll take my thinking as of the other day and write it down on a piece of paper. Then I'll sign it. He'll sign it. Probably his secretary will sign it as a witness and he will put it in his safe. And then the day I die, they rush me out to the cemetery as fast as they can, put me in a ground and hurry back to that lawyer's office. And he gets that piece of paper out and he reads to them what my thinking was the day we sat down in his office. They call that a will. That's what a will is. It is our mind or our thinking. So the first thing I'm going to try to turn over to God is this thing up here in my head. okay what else am i going to try to turn over i'm going to try to turn over my life to him too and what is my life well my life is nothing more than my actions what i am today right now this moment is the sum total of all the actions that i've taken throughout my entire lifetime has determined what my life is today now all action is born in thought And if my thinking is faulty, then chances are my actions will be faulty also. And if they're faulty then chances are my life's going to be a living hell. Just think if God could direct my thinking then maybe it'll get better. And if I'm thinking gets better then maybe my actions will get better and in my actions get better maybe my life will become better, and maybe I can find a way to live where I can be peaceful, happy, and free. Oh, I was scared to death of step three. I went to my sponsor, and I said, don't believe I can take step three? He said, how come? I said because I don't know what God would have me be. See, this is the agnostic in me that says I'm afraid of what God would want for me to do. Well, if I turn it over to him, he may want me to be a missionary in Africa, or he may Want me to go to China, and sure don't want to do that, and he just laughs. He said, well, at least, Charlie, it wouldn't be in the hands of a complete idiot, would it? He said look back in your life. He said you have been a self-will person all your life You've always thought the way you wanted to think You paid no attention to God's will or anybody else's will You've already done what you wanted You've done exactly what you want to do whenever you want And he said now the result of that is That you got to become a member of Alcoholics Anonymous He said, there ain't no way that God can make it worse than you have made it yourself. And he said, if God directs your thinking, it'll be better. And then your actions will be better and then your life will become better. And he explained it to me in such a manner that I could realize what this step is really wanting me to do. But now this is extremely difficult to do because the book says the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. Now, there's only two wills. As far as we know, there's Only Two Wills in our world. One of them is human will or self-willed and the other is God's will. Now, we are the only animals on the face of the earth that has this thing called self-well. they tell me in that other book that big, big book that God became lonesome and he wanted to make something in his image so he could enjoy some companionship also and he said that he created the human being in his own image not physically but in the mind he gave us human beings this thing called intelligence he gave up this thing that allows us to think this thing that allows us to make decisions, this thing that allows us to make choices. Now he didn't do that with any other animals. The other animals on the face of the earth are purely God directed. Now since God directs them and controls their life, then God provides for them. He provides them with all the food, clothing, shelter, everything that they have to have in order to be peaceful, happy, and free. And I never see any of those other animals in the psychiatrist office. Hardly ever see one of them in there with an operation for a stomach ulcer, because they are God-directed, and they're satisfied, and their happy, and they're peaceful and serene where they are. Now, God told the human race in the beginning, He said, if you will do my will, then I will treat you as I do the other animals. He said I will provide you with everything that you need. I'll give you the food, the clothing, the shelter, everything you need to exist I will provide for you. And he said, what I'm going to do to you and this was a couple, I think their name was Adam and Eve he said I'm gonna put you over here in this little garden over here. Now Joe and I refer to that as Serenity Park. He said I'm gon' put you in Serenite Park and as long as you do what I tell you to do You'll never have to worry at all. You'll have everything you need there to be happy, peaceful, and free. But he said, I need to tell you something. Since I have given you self-will so that we can have companionship together, you can make a choice. He said, you don't have to do what I tell you to do. But if you don t, then I m not going to take care of you anymore. And he said if you do what you want to do, then you ll have to provide your own food, clothing, shelter, and everything else. He said, there's only one thing that you can't do here in Serenity Park. He said you see the tree over there? And they said yeah. And he said see the apple on the tree? And they say yeah. He said You can't eat the apple. He said. You can do anything else you want to do and you'll be okay. Now they really didn't know what this self-will thing was. You see they had never used it before. They had no idea what the results would be and what it would bring about. So they lived in Serentity Park peaceful, happy, and free. didn't need a thing. He had all the food, clothing, shelter and everything they needed to be happy until one day the snake came along and the snake he sidled up to Eve and he said, Eve, why don't you all eat that apple on that tree? And Eve said, we can't eat that Apple. He said, how come? And she said, God told us we couldn't eat it. He said don't know you've got self-will. He said I can't get it because I don't have self-willed but he said you can eat it if you want to. You can make the choice. And he said, I didn't know that. He said, you sure can. Well, she could hardly wait to get to Adam and tell Adam. She said, Adam, we can eat that apple if we want to. Adam said, oh, God said we couldn't. She said yeah, we cannot. We've got self-will. We can eat it if we wanted to. Now based on that, Adam picked the apple and they ate it. Now that was a bad decision. But you can't really knock him because it was the first decision mankind ever made. He had no experience at all before. And God came along after a while, and God looked up in that tree, and the apple was gone. And he turned to Adam, and he said, Adam, where's the apple? Adam says, We ate it. And God said, You ate it? I told you you couldn't eat that apple. He said, How come you ate it?" And we believe that probably this guy was a little alcoholic too because he turned and he pointed at her and said, She made me do it. We think maybe he was the first compulsive overeater in the world ever since. Now, the end result was that God said to them, well, if you're going to exercise self-will, then you're gonna have to take care of yourself. He said, I'm sorry, you have to leave the garden. He said go on your merry way. You make your own living from now on. You provide your own food, your own clothing, your only shelter. But he said, i'll make a deal with you. He said, the day you get tired of providing everything for yourself, you give self-will back to me and then I'll provide for you again. But he said, I'll never take it from you. You will have to return it to me. And if you will return it for me, then I will again put you back in the garden and I'll give you everything you need. A life run on self-willed can hardly ever be a success because when we're on self will, we can't be on God's will. And for on self-will, we're always in conflict with people, places, and things which robs us of peace of mind, serenity, and happiness which always causes us to go back and take a drink just in time.