Mental Obsession and the First Drink – Sponsorship Workshop – 2024 – Part 15 of 16 – Ali H.

Morning everybody. Morning everybody, Ali Alcoholic, grateful alcoholic. Thank you so much for being here for the third week. I truly appreciate all of you taking the time to come and allow us to be together here and also the team as well. Thank you very much for this amazing team that we have. So we're going to jump on as I promised. I'm not going to spend too much time setting the table today. The last couple weeks I did. we're going to just jump right in there's a couple of small announcements so i'm gonna put uh share on this screen while i make the other small announcements i'm going to share on the screen our flyer for our in person this is the ninth or eighth annual in-person fellowship of the spirit toronto conference um all the information you don't need to write this down it'll be in on the website there says triple w dot thoughts fots like fellowship with spots.to as in toronto so if you go on there you're going to get all the registration programming residences hotels and all that information we'd love to see you guys i know we have a lot of people coming from all around so we'll love to seeing you guys there just to make an announcement there about that um and then kristen has been kind enough uh to leave the chat open so everyone can communicate for the first 10 minutes that's so if haven't already partnered up or partnered up with one or more person so you can catch up in case you miss anything. So you guys can go ahead and exchange numbers here for the next 10 minutes, and then for security reasons we turn the chat off just to co-host for the rest of this session here. Let's see what else do I want to cover? So at the end of each session, I encourage you to please just, from the first session we sort of invited you to um to start a table of contents or directions for yourself at the end of your big book the first blank page just start a Table of Contents what we cover each session so because at the beginning we're going to jump around a lot and when that time comes if god sees fit that you take in a new man and you move to use this method you're going to forget what we did at the Beginning right so and then so in order to help you with that i've asked everly everly just email to everybody basically what we've covered so far you should have received the email already if you're not on our email list yet because we're going to communicate stuff like this throughout the next few sessions that we have left together if you not on an email list i'm gonna ask everly to please put in the chat the email that she wants you to email uh email us to let us know to put you on a email list okay so if you haven't received the email from us yet up to last night then you're not on our email list just put your email list either um either put it uh just a message directly to everly she's the co-host you'll see everly okay and then she'll take care of that or she can let you know what email she wants you to email your email too um that's that and then oh okay so before we begin let's begin before we begin if i can have anybody that's moved to do any version that's on your heart of the set aside prayer would you please put up your hand electronically and the first person that puts up their hand here we go vera any version of the satisfied prayer please and then we can start the session thank you so much okay thank you god help help me set aside everything i think i know about you everything i think I know about myself everything i think i know about my fellows and everything i think i know about my recovery all for a new understanding in you god new understanding of myself a new understand in my fellows and a much needed new experience in my recovery god thy will be done oh man thank you very beautiful okay here we go so um the first just a little quick little overview uh the first uh session we did that we covered three two and a half i think two and half to three pages which was a great i call it the pre-qualification right it's a great intro for any new person just to catch them right if they're really one of us they're going to be really intrigued and then we did the circle and trunk which is the map of this program and then We did a contract at the beginning uh the the previous session week the second session we covered the only chapter of the step one chapters that we're going to cover its entirety which is the doctor's opinion such a foundational chapter in the spiritual text of ours today uh if you start off at page 23 please this is where we're jumping around again right remember we're gonna be laser-like in trying to keep the focus on what the newcomer needs and identification um and as always please ask yourself these questions if you can relate to these and then ask yourself sort of see do i believe the newcomer would benefit from this you know that always makes the makes it much more powerful when i'm when i find myself in the pages of this book so page 23 on the top top left top margin top left as always please write small but big enough so you can see okay please write step one dash i'll repeat it a couple of times powerless over alcohol dash mental obsession or mental blind spot excuse me mental blind spot. Step one, dash, powerless over alcohol, dash mental blind spot step one dash powerless over the alcohol dash mental blind spot and then below it somewhere there please write page 23 to page 43. page 23 to page 43 so step one the first half of the first step from the from the one could say many that came before me have had decades of experience some giants in aa that have passed on their years of working with this sacred text what they've come up with and i agree with it is that from the doctor's opinion to the end of the chapter three more about alcoholism 51 pages there's a lot covered in that but the main focus is the first half of the first step that's a that's big deal right if one step is given about 51 pages it speaks to the importance of that step right so from the doctor's opinion to to the top of this page we wrote at the top top of doctor's opinion this it was for It was step one dash physical allergy. What happens to me when I first take a drink right up to this page from this page, from the top of page 23 to page 43? The focus is going to be on the mental obsession, mental blind spot. So the second thing that makes me an alcoholic, what happens to mean when I'm sober either for one hour or two hours, two weeks ten years away from the drink yet my brain takes me back to the drink they want to discuss that with us this is the baffling part of alcoholism okay so let's go these observations so up to now we have been we made the observations of they made with us what happens when i take a drink then my body reacts abnormally i lose control of how much i drink right these observations would be academic and pointless if our friends never took the first drink thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion highlighting yellow now important important statement therefore the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than his body it would be academic like studying a textbook like a school work you know i'm pointless if i don't relate to this it's just pointless doesn't even matter right so what if i have an allergy to alcohol let's say i have analogy to peanuts right i i won't ever suffer the repercussions of that the consequences if i never pick up a peanut right so they're saying oh well you have an allergy to alcohol that's pointless if you never pick out the first drink in the first place therefore in yellow therefore the main problem the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than his body okay no more yellow if you ask him why he started on that last bender the chances are he will often try to see yourself in these okay the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis 100 reasons why sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility my mother passed away i got fired she she dumped me but none of them really make sense and the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bow creates now would you please grab the yellow we're going to highlight the next sentence they sound like the philosophy of a man this is yellow they sound like the philosophy of the man having a headache beats himself in the head with a hammer so that he can't feel the ache i love that analogy it's so true right out out hold on it'll be different this time put a question mark after egg please put a questions mark after eight and if you can relate to that going back to your step one experience put a y to the right of the question mark if you know like we could turn almost every statement into question but we haven't because some of them are similar right we want to move the newcomer through this laser light and what we're highlighting is really focusing on the mental obsession okay if you no more yellow if you draw this fallacious this wrong reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic he will laugh at all or become irritated and refuse to talk question mark have you ever been there again why or yes somewhere there once in a while he may tell the truth and the truth if you grab the yellow highlighter now start highlighting yellow from truth the truth strange to say is usually that he has no more idea where he why he took the first drink than you have That's an yellow, important. Okay, no more yellow. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts, they really do not know why they do it. Question mark after it. So after this page, I'm going to ask some friends to come and share laser-like on specific questions. Question marks. Because that's true for me. in my heart i had a thousand excuses you know sometimes i lost my job and sometimes i was depressed and if i'm honest with myself sometimes i was just celebrating something that that happened in my life and i was very happy right but i had a brain that told me a drink is an option once this malady has a real hold they are a baffled lot question mark were you baffle mr newcomer you baffle do you know where you do it there is the obsession that somehow someday they will beat the game question mark have you ever had that experience that'll be different this time it won't be as bad i'll show them i'll come back from this one easily but they often suspect they are off this they are down for the count question mark deep down within you have you haven't feel like man i'm this is i'm never going to beat this thing. I think I'm always doomed to be this way. So just on the question marks, okay? Just on the questions marks, can I please get some friends, if you are so moved, to put up your hands electronically, if also moved, and just be very laser-like, Okay, this question, this is how I relate. Very specific from my drinking. If you're so moved. Thank you so much and beautiful. If you put up your hand if you have your video on. Okay, Monica, hi, come on up please. Frank would you unmute Monica, please? You guys go ahead. I thought I was just identifying. okay thank you monica michelle laser light specific on any questions thank you michelle i'm trying to find a question but um i always said i would not grow up and be like my father yet i did the exact same i was the exact same length so i can't remember which question it was but that's it we don't know really why we do it right that's right Thank you, Michelle. Mary C in Boston, come on up please. Hi, I definitely can relate. I've been in over 30 treatment centers and each time I was physically sober and I just couldn't understand why I drank because of the situation I was in. I was miserable but still drank anyways. Thank you for your service. Thank you Mary C. Linda H., come on now please. i like to comment about not knowing uh about why i take the first drink i was um at a place to have just a sandwich in that and i don't know how it happened a beer appeared before me and there i went for the races thank you thank you linda mateo come on up with it please you know when it talks about uh laughing it off and becoming irritated before i came into aaa uh that's exactly how i was people were concerned and trying to tell me things and i was just like no i don't have a problem i just really enjoy doing this it's fine until i started throwing up blood and then i was like oh then i have a problems and then going down realizing i'm down for the count thinking that i can do this on my own and then having no solutions it took me a long time until i came into aa thank you mateo leanne come on up please good morning ali good morning everyone i'm leon alcoholic and i can definitely identify with why i had no defense i didn't know why i'm one of us thank you thank you so much sandra come on please okay now i'm in oh sorry this kind of goes i'm sandra i'm in woodstock ontario and i'm an alcoholic it kind of goes with all of the questions but i was in alcoholics anonymous sober for almost two years and um i was out of town on a holiday got really stressed out um i decided that i was gonna drink just while i was on the holiday and when i got back i'd be fine and i wasn't so i you know i don't know if that's part of beating the game or whatever and i got back it took me six weeks to get back in and and stop thank you so much sandra thank you everybody so the people that have your hands up please keep your hands off we'll get you on the next batch of questions coming up we're going to dig deeper so as we said at the beginning from this page to page uh to page 43 20 pages it focuses on the mental blind spot basically when i'm sober what happens to me right but we're going to be very efficient this in this we're going to cover those 20 pages and four pages today four pages of powerful big real real deep and some some people some friends here may may be really challenged in in your understanding of the mental blank spot right so just please set it said everything aside let's have a new experience together okay so we're going to continue now um how true this is if you realize in a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal but everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer arouse himself from this lethargy and assert his willpower question did your family members or did you yourself think man i just gotta just assert my willpower here the truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic please circle real alcoholic circle that with pen and then also highlight it in yellow or whatever important statement highlight you have this real alcoholic yellow and and circle it okay that's it for the yellow the truth is that it can then be a really man or woman be a real alcoholic the happy day may not arrive i may never be able to assert my willpower there may never been enough power in me or anyone else to help me stay stopped please grab the yellow highlighter important he has lost he has all he has lost control that's in yellow he has loss control we're going to continue in yellow okay at a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail yellow up to there okay we did a yellow highlight important from he has lost to absolutely no available and after avail please put a question mark and put a leave the left margin totally empty please we're going going to need it for writing put a why somewhere around the question mark if you relate to that do you relate that that the most powerful desire to stop drinking was absolutely no avail love of children love of parents jails institutions absolutely no available health scares at a certain point of every alcohol he passes into his state okay perfect no more yellow The tragic situation has already arrived and practically in every case long before it's suspected. I don't see it coming. I don' t see when I'm in it. I don''t see when i've crossed it just can't see, it that's what makes this cunning baffling and powerful part of the reason. If you grab the yellow highlighter now all right here we go this is such a beautiful, powerful paragraph right by the way, besides the fact that we're highlighting what we have. We perceive to be some important statements. statements the whole book is important right anytime this for the newer friends okay that may be new into the program at step 12 and i know sometimes a lot of times i'm preaching to the choir so anytime you see italics on your friends in this big book that means they have deemed it important originally so super important okay so this next entire italic small paragraph please highlight in yellow we're going to come back and really unpack it and dive deep into this the fact is that almost most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure we don't know yet have lost the power of choice in drink we're going to come back to that choice idea our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent we are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of in a week or a month ago we are without defense against the first drink that's a powerful paragraph that paragraph right there it covered 20 pages right there of mental obsession that's it right there that paragraph okay let's go back so you've highlighted all that in yellow important statement let's go back to the beginning the fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have we're going to make it stand out even more please circle these words like an oval lost the power of choice in drink lost the power of juice and drink to the left of this circle right there in the text so left of the circle outside of the server you have circled please put an asterisk please put an asterisk and put brackets around that asterisks to the left of that circle. Okay, we're going to come back to this. Asterisk but we're gonna come back. To this asterisc okay perfect. So So our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. So this is not, this analogy always helps. And like, as I said, I think in pictures sometimes and analogies dump things down for me and I get it, right? So this analogy almost helps me. So when it says lost the power of, what does it say? Oh, our willpower become practically non existence. Okay, it's like this. It's not like, imagine if there was a heavy table here and you tell me to lift it and it lifts and it weighs 200 pounds, okay? It's not that I'm not strong enough to lift a table, okay. It's Not that my willpower is not strong enough to do this. It's That I'm in this analogy. I'm Not physically strong enough. It's that I don't have arms to lift the table. Our willpower becomes practically non-existence. My arms don't exist to lift that little light laptop for you it's not a nothing to say about my lack of moral character my intelligence my sexual preference my religious leaning my political lean my socio-economic background my intelligence has nothing to do with it in fact intelligence seems to be the worst thing for me or i if how smart i think i am what i think I know right so it's that I don't have arms to lift the table willpower non-existent okay so we are unable at certain times so check this out this is how cunning baffling this this illness is so at certain time i don't have the power to bring into my consciousness the suffering humiliation a week ago but at certain terms i do and you know what this disease does it makes me highlights the those certain times that i can and it tells me i'm not an alcoholic right that's how cunning baffling it is that's like that's like for me that's this okay imagine if i'm playing russian roulette you know with both old western six shooters right you see sometimes people play russian roulette where you put one bullet in one of the chambers and you spin it right and you put it in your head so this to me when i'm honest with myself and i see the history of what drink has had done in my life for 20 years the destruction that it caused right it my brain would tell me hey do you remember that last time you said a couple drinking that's it you're making a big deal that's like me putting a bullet in that chamber and saying hey at certain times when i pull the trigger this it doesn't fire at certain times that's how insane it is okay at certain times unable a certain time so bring to our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago put a question mark after a goal and put your yes right to the right of the question mark please leave the left margin totally blank we needed to do some writing there it says we are without defense against the first drink we are are without defense against the first string, okay? So we're going to go even deeper into this paragraph because this is paragraph basically all we need to help someone identify with the mental obsession, okay, but before we do that, can I, the people that have their hands up, would you please laser-like, very specific 30 seconds talk, share on this from your personal experience. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week of a week or a month ago sorry to put you on the spot but wendy come on up please thank you uh yeah it's been a really long time since i had some of these memories but i do remember over and over and again you know being so sick in morning and so uh no clarity about where i found my i mean i'm waking up in somebody else's bed like i don't know where i am and who i was with and you know so ashamed and the next night i'm in the same bar looking for the same mr goodbar looking for the same you know hit so uh yeah over i even eat yeah that's enough thanks Thank you, Wendy. Beautiful. Thank you so much. Let me come on up please from London. Thank you very much. I remember I'd been in a job for at least 25 years so it was very difficult to get rid of me. They gave me two months off to sort my act out and the morning that I came back to work I still took the morning drink even though i knew my family and everybody depended on it and i still took the morning drink on the way to work thank you so much leslie by the way i so enjoy listening to you guys and i think it just it's so much better for the workshop to listen to you guys because it really it really talks it really i think shines the light on why we have uh such great interest you know that the numbers that we're getting the first few sessions because it has nothing to do with the messenger has everything to do with what we're talking about we're all seekers here right so i just love listening to you guys thank you stacy come on up please hi everyone good morning stacey and george park bridge illinois um alcoholics and addicts uh what this is bringing to me is that i want instant gratification i don't remember i don t it just at certain times I don't remember the pain, the remorse because I want what I want when I want it and it's probably selfish and it is instant gratification. Thanks. Thank you so much Stacey and George. Sandy come on up please. Thank you Ali. Yeah I very much related to this. I have been in the program for a long time and I had just celebrated my first anniversary. And I was at work, I got out of work, we were going on vacation. I got Out of work and I drove to a package store and bought a six pack of wine coolers and stuck them hid them in the car because so my husband wouldn't see it. And I have absolutely no idea. I was strong in my program, I was doing all the right things. And yet, without any thought, without any thought in my mind, I drove, bought that. And for six days, I went back out there and thank you. God brought me back within six days because I did remember the humiliation. But during that initial drink and those six days I was gone. Thanks. Thank you so much, Sandy. Last person, Lisa. Please keep your hands up. We're going to continue. Lisa. Hi. hi guys um yeah i mean lost my kids over and over it wasn't enough just went back because of the instant gratification and and it's the liar the liar tells me i can do this it's not that bad but it's all bullshit when it says the last power of choice and drink i i also think i replace drink with think because my thoughts pattern is is is not right it's just not and uh i was with a historian of aa the other day and he told me that um the italics back when they made the big book cost a dollar a word and that was back in 1935 or 39 when they wrote the book that's so important they wanted these italics to be that they spent that kind of money on a dollar a word if you can so i pretty friggin strong attention to the italics when they write them thanks ali thank you lisa nice to see you uh please keep your hands up we're gonna keep going okay here we go so lost the power of choice and drink right we've circled that that paragraph has highlighted we've circle did it and we put an asterisk right outside the circle with a bracket around okay so now what i would like you to do please pay attention okay um your the left margin turn the big book clockwise 90 degrees so your left margin is now facing you okay you're gonna begin writing to the very top left of that long left margin we're going to go long ways across right so we're gonna go longways across i'm gonna go long ways across okay so that asterisk that you've put on right beside lost the power drink you're going to put the same asterisks you're gonna put an asterix on the top left and put brackets around it what that means is that when you're reading this with the new person you're gong to highlight and then when you see the asterisco you're goign to come and turn the book around and read the notes okay so asterisc bracket everyone's good with that i hope yes okay good now please write small but big enough so you can uh so you can read it we're gonna have to write re-small here we have a bit of writing and we got about four lines here potentially okay the first question you're going to ask yourself okay did i choose to drink on any of my last relapses question mark so right small it should cover just like maximum one line did i chose to drink in any one of my laps relapsed did I choose to drink on any one of my last relapses? So, I'm going to take some quick, okay. So, how are we going to do this? I don't want people, okay. The people that you have your hand up, keep your hand up. I don' t want you to lose your place. Just a show of hands, okay? People that believe today, okay, just think about your last relapse or the last few, last couple of years or last two months of your drinking, right? When you just wanted to stay stopped and you relax. Wanted to stay there with the time where you got pissed off at your girlfriend and you drove to the liquor store and you put your bank card in the bank machine, took the money out, went and paid for it, came back, opened the bottle and started drinking. The question to you is, did you choose to drink? If you believe that you chose to drink on your last relapses, please put your hands up electronically. Yeah, please. Just put your heads up electronically Fantastic. Thank you very much. Got it, got it, beautiful. Okay. The people that put up their hands electronically because of the last question, please put it down now. The people had their hands up originally, leave your hands off. I want you guys, you're in line to share if you wait. Beautiful. Thank you Very Much. So, okay. Now here's, I want you to ask yourself this. Remember we're setting aside everything that we think we know, right? Just for a second, just ask yourself this, if you had the power to make the choice to go to the liquor store and drink, then how is that lined up with what the big book is saying? What we circled there, how does that line up for you? Where it says the alcoholic have lost the power of choice in drink. How does that line up for you? Just think about it, sit with it. Here's a question I have for you. If you have the power, if you believe you had the power to choose your drink or not, like I can choose to drink or no, right? Then why didn't you make a choice not to drink when your kids were taken away? after the fifth suicide attempt in my case when you ended up in jail how come you didn't make the choice if you had the choice if you chose to go to drink just do something to think about right now this may seem like a like we're doing a philosophical discussion no no we're not this is very true and real and important and potent spiritual truth to look at in my life, what alcoholism is. Does that make sense? I am logically, sanely, soundly making a choice to go to the liquor store to pick up the drink, and my kids are going hungry. They haven't seen daddy in about 10 days. Does that makes sense to you? Is that a rational human being, sane human being making a sane choice? Something to consider, right? I don't know. I don' see when I woke up to this, when I will come to this that perhaps I just consider that perhaps Ali you were never involved at all. Perhaps you are not making a choice. Perhaps there is a power. Perhaps this disease is so powerful that i was making the choice for you perhaps i was not involved the whole time because if i can truly get when i truly got that's how powerless i am next to this illness man my recovery took a different turn man i had a step one experience and i dove in the rest of the steps like my life depended on because i'm powerless what choice right that's like to say now please i hope i hope you guys are offended i get a little passionate sometimes please i get it i was the same i understand right so we're not at all attacking the person where we're trying to dismantle ideas that don't work shine the light on ideas that are false that have me sick right so it's an analogy like this okay so if i imagine in this in this made-up hypothetical world that i have this made up hypothetical disease of the mind mental illness that this mental illness has me grabbing a hot stove burning hot stove ow ow Ow, ow, how he stop? How he stop. I end up in jail, third degree burn. I can't work. My wife makes fun of me. Friends start to leave, start leaving. I'm never gonna do this to you again. I'm not gonna grab that muscle because it burns my hand. I know it, I know and I know. There'll be different this time, ow. Would you say that if you had me as a friend and I had this insane dis-ease of the brain, would you say to your other friends, would you just say, look at that loser. He's making a choice. keeps making a choice stop choosing right you wouldn't say that after some point of observing you would say man this guy's got really something wrong with his brain it's almost as if something in his brain is driving him to self-destruct it's beyond his choice or power is everyone with me on this one yeah right that's that's a deep conception to unpack right so did i choose i drink did i chose to drink on any of my last relapses i had to conceive now i go through this with a new person i ask them to give me examples i give them examples i start to question question the reasoning right if i'm honest with you guys no the sane and sound mind was not making a sane and sound choice it was as if as if something inside of my brain was has hypnotized me and is driving me to self-destruction of everything good and let go pick up the first drink i have no choice it's choosing for me if i have a choice that means i'm not powerless if i had the choice that i don't need the 12 steps because i have the power within me if i believe i made a choice to drink that means I also believe deep down inside of me, not that I know it consciously as a new person coming in and out. If I think I made a choice to go drink, the deep down belief system inside of means that I have the power to stop. That's why for years I dibble-dabbled in the steps. That is why for years I came into and out of the meetings questioning your God and your steps. That is what for years that wasn't teachable. That was what for years, I went after the romantic relationships thinking that'll fix me. That's where the power of sobriety and happiness lies. That is why for years I went out to accolades and school and jobs and looking good. Because I truly thought that I have the power somewhere inside of me because I made a choice to drink. I hope this is clear for a lot of friends that put up your hands. Just at At least, I just humbly ask that at least you consider. Consider what we just talked about and sit with it for a couple of days and consider because it'll change your life, man. It'll change the experience you pass on to the new person. 20 pages they try to hammer home to us that very point that you don't have a choice, you never had a choice. You'll never have a chance. You're powerless. Seek the power now. 51 pages on the first step of the first step on identification, on powerlessness. Why? Because if I don't identify, then really step two is mute, pointless. It'll seem like hocus pocus. I'll argue with it. I'm on the debating society. God, no God, Christian God, Muslim God. But if I truly get what this disease is and also match my experience with it, you know what I mean? When I reach the second step, there isn't much debating in me. i may not agree with it totally but at least i can okay i'm willing to believe fine because okay fine now also i want to bring up this point otherwise taking me where it's taking me so um so just because we take a new person through these pages and they sort of doesn't mean now you have the information now you have to get it no because it's not just the information this book this paragraph all of a sudden becomes thousand kilometers deep for me when this information i get it in my own experience i can lay my experience next to it oh that's what alcohol is this is what made me identify to two men who couldn't be further enlightened from dr bob and build in who I was and who I am today but I got this do you mean I'm an alcoholic like these guys were so maybe this program can work for me too okay so now again I mentioned this the first few right it's difficult you know the spirit invokes conversations with a group which is a little bit different from conversations with an individual and I'm taking through someone through that right? So when I'm taking someone through the one-on-one, I may not, you know, it might be a little bit different, but basically the message is the same. The message is just the same, so now perfect, okay, beautiful. So here's the next question, okay? So below the first question on the left margin, okay first question took a line, it was very small, we're going to try to write four lines if you can if not we'll fit it somewhere there so right below did i choose to drink on my last relapse write small start from the very left right below that on the left margin in the left margin we're going across please write this did i chose to stay sober this morning question mark flip side of the other point who is powerful did i choosed to stay sober this morning question mark thank you so much kristen if you're kristen is kind enough to put the questions what we say in the chat as well so check out the chat too did i choose to stay sober this morning okay so now i want you to ask yourself please this question in these two ways okay either and i'm gonna ask just think about it i'm going to ask friends that believe they did make a choice to put up their hands okay electronically so ask yourself this so this morning when i woke up did i choose to stay sober did i make a choice and if that doesn't quite resonate ask yourself this okay go through your experience in recovery in sobriety okay the time when i went to a barbecue at a friend's barbecue, or when I went to that wedding, my friend's wedding, and the waiter came to me unknowingly, brought a glass of wine from me or beer from me. And I said, no, thank you. I don't drink. Did I make a choice? Was I, did I make your choice to say, no thank you, I don' drink? Did I made your choice not to drink at that time? Okay. For the friends that believe that they stay sober this morning because they made a choice to, or would they, when somebody offers them a drink, they're making a choice not the drink, please put up your hands electronically. Yeah, I made a choice. I made the choice not to drink this morning when that waiter came to me and said hey here's a bottle of wine and I said no thank you I don't drink I made a choice to not drink. Thank you very much beautiful fantastic Thank you so much Okay, so please put down your hands except for the people that had their hands up at the beginning that would like to share. There we go. We're going to challenge that one too, okay? So let's go back to the line. Let's go Back to the italics that we circled and put an asterisk beside. How does that line up against this idea though? Lost the power of choice in drink? If you decided this morning or the last time the waiter came to you and when you were sober here's a drink no thank you i don't drink if you believe if your deep belief system is that you are now you will not have the power of choice to drink you're now choosing to drink then how does that match up with this luster lost the power of choice in drink throughout this book throughout these next 20 pages it will be peppered in different places the alcoholic is is a man who's lost his legs he never grows new wants he's lost the power of choice and drink we've never had a power of choices throughout this book how is that your belief system line up against it just ask yourself because i used to think that right i would like you to consider set aside what you think you know consider i just propose okay that perhaps okay i'll talk about me so i got that i didn't have to i finally got that man it wasn't me choosing to drink it was alcoholism choosing for me to drink i was just a vessel of destruction and drinking right like a puppet master had his hand up my butt drink drink drink drink take a reason to drink uh i have no power to choose to drink okay now i get sober i'm in recovery and that question is asked to me and and i had to really think about this so if i have the power to choose to drink or not then why do i need to tap into a power greater than me where does god come into this if it's ali the human being making a choice because it happened to me my sister's uh one year wedding anniversary three four years ago we were at a restaurant 30 people this person restaurant the waiter comes brings us i like i used to like stella to stella or heineken i forget what it was right cold like sweat coming off a couple few beers and we just here's your stella no thank you i don't drink if that was me choosing to drink where is god in this if i believe now i have the choice then why do i need to tap into a power why do I need to continuously be in the middle of the circle and triangle to deepen this relationship with this power greater than me i like you to consider i invite you to consider the friends that believe they made a choice to stop well no that's not me no no i don't drink anymore that perhaps it had nothing to do with you still perhaps this power has given you a spiritual defense perhaps this power gave you spiritual clarity and took away the desire to drink and the choices made for you when i truly opened up my heart to that concept the concept that i am powerless and i don't have the power of choice and i never had it and i never will it's either two things happen for me either alcoholism will drive me and eventually choose for me to drink power greater than me or i try my best on a daily basis to tap into and develop a relationship with the power greater than me this power and this power will give me spiritual defenses and it will choose for me it was such a humbling consideration for me i was so humbled by that you mean of myself i am nothing it's the father of life you mean either there is two forces on my left alcohol isn't driving me or the power of god and i just gotta seek god and he or she or it will give me spiritual defense just just asking you to consider i'm not asking you to swallow it and accept it just consider try it on take take it on sit with it contemplate on it because when i truly awoke to that, it changed my recovery. It changed my life. I am powerless, man. I'm not making a choice. I need this power. I don't want to... I hope our friends here, you guys realize I'm trying to have an argument about semantics. That's not what we're doing here. You know, there's a deep spiritual undertone here about powerlessness. There's a reason why 51 pages are spent on the first half of the first page. There's no reason why any old timers that you talk about, they say in their own ways, the only step you got to get 100% is the first step. There is a reason what you see some people, why I see some people, men breathe this way of life and they shine the way they do. because they had a profound step one experience that's driven them to this path like only a drowning man seeks a life preserver that's why because that's how powerful this concept is to get and it's gonna and it'll challenge your own deep belief systems some some friends right but i tell you it did me and when i truly woke up to that when i conceded to my innermost self, that I'm an alcoholic. That means I'm powerless. I never had the power of choice when I was drinking. I don't have the power choice to stay sober. There's either the power of alcoholism or the power God. I became really humble. I become really, really humble by the way. I got a little bit embarrassed now. I apologize. I felt like I went somewhere else the last 10 minutes i just got back i'm sorry i get a little passionate sometimes okay okay okay here we go so so the left now we're gonna take some hands okay i want to see here so i'm sharing so the lap margin again back to the same left margin um page 24 clockwise so the left margin is facing you you have two lines in there the first line is that i choose to drink on any of my last three lapses question mark the second line is did i choose this day sober this morning question mark we're gonna have two more lines under this okay so the third line is please write small basically what we talked about okay i'm going to put it down so you have it so you can talk to a newcomer about it so you can contemplate on it okay so if i have the power to choose to drink or not, comma. If I have the power to choose to drink or not comma if I have the power to choose to drink or not comma then why did I not choose to stay sober before question mark then why did I not choose to stay sober before question mark there's one more question after that so you got to fit it there somewhere if you can't there the bottom margin maybe put an arrow do what you got okay I'll start from the beginning if I have the power to choose to drink or not karma thank you so much Kristen then why Did I Not Choose To Stay Sober Before so when we say choose here we mean we make a choice and I stick by it I'm not talking about the choice I'll never do this again and then my wife divorces me then why did I do it before if I have the power to choose right I gotta ask that last question then why do I need to access power through the 12 steps question mark then why do I do I need to access power through the 12 steps question mark then why do i need to access power through the 12 steps thank you kristen for putting in the chat so those are the questions we're putting on the left margin right then why do i need to access power through the 12th side those are some powerful step one considerations there's a reason they spent 20 pages on the first on the first half of the first 43 pages and 20 of them are in the mental obsession okay now beautiful and i really hope friends are have already gone partners and groups that they can in case you miss something can catch each other up so let's go back to the big book see we just took that paragraph and took a deep dive into it right really deep dive really deep time so now the almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us question mark you're going to put the why very close to the question mark right because the left margin is taken already has that happened to you that almost certain concept don't even come to the mind that deter you if these thoughts occur like man it's not a good idea they are hazy and readily supplanted replaced with the old threat bear idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people question mark after people So, question mark after people. Grab the yellow highlighter. The last two sentences, two lines in this paragraph is yellow important. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on the hot stove. That's the analogy that we already use, right? The complete failure. I hope, I hope it'll be different this time. Okay no more yellow highlighting. The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way it won't burn me this time and here's how or perhaps he doesn't think at all question mark. We're in the middle of page 24. so that question mark covers both the all the statements that came previous to it right the alcoholic may say to himself have you ever said to yourself in the more casual way man that drink won't hurt me this time or you know what if the thought doesn't even come to my head it didn't come to my head at all he's picked it up question mark how often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way and after the third or fourth drink pounded on the bar and said to ourselves for god's sakes how did i ever get started again question mark after again question mark only to have that thought supplanted with well i'll stop with the six string or what's it used anyhow question mark is already there please answer that with a y to the right of that It's already there. Okay, last paragraph here and I'm going to come back and I want to take some laser like sharing for a few minutes please around the concepts we discussed. When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, grab the yellow highlighter now. Highlighting yellow, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid. Only that part in yellow. He or she has probably place themselves beyond human aid. Search your own experience. Was love ever enough? Love of kids, love of parents, love of the open stacks, love of wives, love of children, love of boyfriends, was that ever enough. Courses ever enough, degrees ever enough jobs ever enough encouragement search your own experience churches, police courts, beyond human aid, no more yellow, and unless locked up may die or go permanently insane. These dark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history. But for the grace of God, there would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop but cannot. So many want to stop, but I cannot. Okay, beautiful. On the top margin of page 25, please write this question for yourself and answer it, okay? Top margin, page 25. Start from the top left. right. Do I believe I am powerless over staying sober on my own? Question mark. Do I belief I am powerless over staying sober on my own? question mark. do i believe i'm powerless over staying sober on my own question mark and answer that for yourself so the first alcohol i keep repeating myself alcoholism only two things make me an alcoholic mr new person right one is when i pick up the drink what happens to me in terms of controlling how much i drink we covered that already in previous sessions in this session we just basically covered when i'm sober that's the second thing that makes me an alcoholic when i am sober the thing the brain that takes me back to the first drink so now do i believe i'm powerless over staying sober on my own question if i believe that you put a yes over there very good okay so now some i want to take some please laser like sharing around those two concepts that we that we questioned uh we sort of talked about earlier the first question is the belief system that my last relapse or my last i had i was choosing to drink and the new idea that perhaps it wasn't you perhaps alcoholism was choosing for you because that's an insane choice right that and then the other one either or both the other one is that the times in recovery when you refuse to drink well how does that sit with you the idea that maybe you weren't even choosing to drink there was a power greater than yourself those two ideas i hope that's clear laser light sharing uh lorraine come on up please hi loraine alcoholic um i was i had raised my hand to the part of um no mental defense against the first drink i drank around the clock for five weeks i managed to stop with sedatives it was a killer week to get off that alcohol and two months later i just got up and went and got a six pack of beer one day and everything occurred to me what happened to me in that five weeks and how bad that week was it didn't even cross my mind thanks thank you so much living so around those two concepts of making a choice to drink when i drank do i believe i chose or was that alcoholism tools in me can i concede to that and when i'm sober i'm refusing the drink do i still believe that i have power to choose or can i can i consider what does it sit with me that perhaps i'm not involved but there's a power greater than me dan come on up please brother i'm down i'm recovered alcoholic uh so many so many times i sat in front of the liquor store wondering what i was doing there and uh my wife and a child had said quit drinking or leave and i walked out because i knew i couldn't stop drinking not because i didn't love them and the last most clear time was when i got out of the hospital the doctor told me i'd die if i drank again and i had absolutely no intentions of drinking again i decided that no matter how much how bad it hurt no matter hoe painful it was i was not going to drink again and I didn't make it home. I was sitting in the liquor store wondering what I was doing there and I thought, I'm crazy. There's something wrong with my brain. And this morning, my only choice this morning was to live a spiritual life or die an alcoholic. And I chose to live spiritual life and that's why I'm here. Thanks. Thank you so much, Dan. Thanks, brother. So if you do have your hand up, please put your video on so we can ask you to share. Otherwise, we're going to skip you and come back to you when you have your video on maybelle please come on up or mabel hi i'm mabel i'm an alcoholic um i really want to thank you for the way you went through this uh paragraph today because i did raise my hand when i was saying yeah i chose um and with all with everything that you said i thought oh my god here i am still trying to have control i'm still trying to have control and say yes i chose that even though i know it wasn't now i say oh my god it really wasn't a choice it wasn t i didn't choose why would i choose that who would choose that but you know i'm like yeah i chose it i still i'm still blaming myself versus accepting the fact that i am an alcoholic um and i'm this is you know i'm over two years sober i'm not new to this and i still have a hard time giving up my will and saying okay it isn't my will and giving it over i am so thankful that i got on this morning i've got a terrible headache and i thought i can't miss it and i wasn't i wasn t going to miss it i was meant to be here and to hear this word these words i've read this many times but it's never hit me the way it's hit me today and i really want to thank you for that that was beautiful and i'm so thankful i'm here thank you thank you mabel god bless you thank you so much if that's come on up please hi good morning my name is evan i'm an alcoholic thank you ali for demystifying this particular part of this chapter i went out to uh for dinner last night with my sober sister and we were asked if we wanted something to drink and we both said we don't drink and thinking about what you said about why tapping into a higher power you know is drinking a choice it wasn't it i had to think is my higher power really spiritual or is it me am i my own higher power and it takes me into other parts of the book about being the director of your own show and things of that nature so i really appreciate clearing this part up thank you thank you for that thank you that we'll just take two more and then the rest of the people please keep your hands up we'll come to you after and matthew come on up please hi how are you matthieu uh alcoholic thanks for your service i didn't raise my hand due to on either of them due to my last relapse it was evident to me i never even have a choice i get woke up in the morning i get woke up there's so many people that don't wake up today and this morning i got woke up so i know it's two power greater than myself and uh i have to get down on my knees every day and surrender i realized i was never gonna stop drinking on my own it was a gift and my day starts and ends with grace so thank you thank you matthew thank you buddy for being here sonata hi hi there um ali hello everybody uh alcoholic samantha i two examples i was nine years sober i was in a pub to have dinner and i excused myself from a table and i went and got a drink um that was over 10 years ago actually it's more like 11 years ago when i'm and i'm over 10 years sober now but um i didn't have a plan to drink that day i had gotten on my knees in the morning to stay sober i'd read the daily reflections you know i'd done a bunch of things but i wasn't connected i was disconnected i was in my own power and and that power led me to the power of alcoholism and um and it was a good lesson a really good hard lesson i was just at a resort and i was handed a drink with alcohol in it and that was it was a surprise i'd asked for something with no alcohol and um i i put it to my mouth i could smell it and a power greater than me put it down you know a power greater than decided that i'm sober and then i need to continue to walk this sober life and that i have a god of my understanding in my life that i build a relationship with on a daily basis and it's a beautiful thing thank you for your service sally thank you samantha beautiful beautiful beautiful examples thank everybody for sharing okay perfect beautiful now let's i always i have an agenda what i want to cover and god does what god does okay so we're going to cover what we're gonna cover as with the last two weeks my intention is to have a q a during our a lot of time but it's just not happening but i am more than happy and willing just like the last two weeks i'll stay for about an hour after that any questions that you have i'll be more than Happy to be here with you okay so now if you go to page 30 now we're going to skip everything else that's enough let's go to page 30. so that's two pages of a deep dive into what happened the mental obsession right and now page 30 the first page is more about alcoholism chapter three chapter three right so okay most of us have been willing to unwilling to admit that we were real alcoholics question mark yes and you come with that right look search with your own experience when you were drinking did you ever have times where you're just unwilling to admit that you're a real alcoholic from the understanding that you have now no person likes to think he's bodily and mentally different from his fellows therefore it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people question one if you please grab the yellow highlighter the rest of that paragraph in yellow important the idea that somehow someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is a great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing that's in yellow Every single word, to me to me just to me, it says my experience This big book was not written by a human being like I know I understand Bill Wilson Bill Wilson was the vessel it was inspired in spirit it was written through him and and edited to the first almost 100 but however many they were this is the spirit giving us a message here every word in this has depth and weight and meaning astonishing man all that in yellow please so if you go back grab the pen now what we just highlighted in yellow okay just keep your pen with you so we highlight it in yellow the idea is that somehow someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession circle the word obsession want to make a stand-up circle the world obsession of every abnormal drinker put a question mark after drinker was that your obsession in the past right the persistence of this illusion circle the wood illusion illusion like you know illusionist like I don't know any new ones, but I remember David Copperfield. He makes you think the lady's disappearing or the Eiffel Tower is disappearing. It's just an illusion. It makes me think that it's not real, right? The persistence of this illusion that I can control my drinking like other people is astonishing. Circle illusion, question mark after astonishing. Okay, perfect. No more yellow. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. we learned that here we go oh so important here grab the yellow highlighter now from we had to fully concede that's in yellow we had to fully conceive to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics this is the first step in recovery that's all in yellow the delusion this isn't yellow too the delusional that we are like other people or presently maybe has to be smashed all that in yellow grab the pen please we're going to come back to this very yellow we've highlighted in yellow we had to fully conceive please circle fully conceived we want to make a stand out even more for the new person and talk about that fully conceived to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics this is the first step in recovery see that so the first step in recovery is not the knowledge so this is how i occurs to me okay i'm not saying this only way to look at this right the first step in recover is not just the knowledge that oh alcoholism physical allergy mental obsession it's not just that it's that i can lay my experiences next to that information see myself in it to the point where i had to fully concede to my innermost self i'm powerless man i'm an alcoholic notice it doesn't say fully conceived to uh to joe to kuna to michelle to my mother to my wife to the court no animal cell and look that's it that's the first step in recovery that's when you've taken the first step when you can do that understand what alcoholism is and fully concede to your innermost self that with your own experience man i'm an alcoholic that's the first step in recovery okay the delusion circle delusion the illusion my mind tricks my mind it'll be different this time you're not real alcoholic it was just a phase that suicide attempt the delusional delusion that we are like other people and installing yellow we all like other people present maybe have to be smashed circle the word smashed so put a question mark after that ask yourself has that been smashed do you relate to this okay perfect so no more yellow we alcoholics are men and men who are men and women who have lost the power of choice but sorry have lost their power to control our drinking question mark there it is no control no choice no power no right do you related to that okay question mark after drinking grab the yellow highlighter, please. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. No real alcoholic ever recover control. That's in yellow. Early on one of the first sessions we read about that certain type of hard drinker. That certain type of hard drinking can recover control, that certain type of drinker looks like me and you, the real alcoholic out there when they're active But given a good enough reason, love, warning of a doctor, new job opportunity, they can stop or moderate. They can control, but no real alcoholic ever recovers control. Okay, no more yellow. All of us felt that time. See if you can relate to this. All of our all of us thought that times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by less control, which led in time to grab the yellow highlighter. Ooh, this hits home. Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Pitiful and incomprehensible demormalization. Oh man, that's painful. Put a question mark after demoralized and put a yes there. Now if it's a new person, so what I'm doing is I'm, I'm going to do a lot less. I'm more direct. If you relate to this, can you give me an example? if they can't well here's an example for me you know what i mean so but we're going to go through this year before the sake of time pitiful and comprehensible normalization that's powerful okay no more yellow we are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness or with any considerable period we get worse never better question one never better search your own experience when he started drinking did it get worse or get better for me it was like i just when i stopped drinking or when the when it was like i put pause on this scary movie and then when i picked up again it just unpaused and it just started to go even faster to the structure it wasn't like i went back to the first day when i started drinking i enjoyed it for a little while question mark after better yes we are like men who have lost their legs here it is they never grow new ones i never have the power of choice will never have it i don't have it today neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which may which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men and women we have tried every imaginable remedy try to see if you can relate to this now in some instances we have been briefed there has been brief recovery followed always by a still worse relapse question one you relate to that physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there's no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic science may one day accomplish this but it hasn't done so yet from the word yet in that little space put a little line and arrow please write this not today either in case mr mrs newcomer you're wondering science still hasn't accomplish that, accomplish that. Let me know if that happens, okay? I may consider it, but given the beautiful life I have today, probably not. Not today either. Sorry, we're picking up the speed a little bit. I hope everyone can keep up. If you can't, use your groups. Highlighting yellow. Two more paragraphs in this page. We're almost done, eh? In yellow, the following sentences. So when I stop reading, that's you stop highlighting yellow in yellow despite all we can say many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they're in that class by every form of self-deception and experimentation they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule therefore non-alcoholic the yellow stops there put a question mark after non- alcoholic if you can relate to any of that in any form but a yes to the right margin or somewhere there from despite how we can say one two three four and a half lines down is yellow up to therefore non-alcoholic question okay if anyone who is showing no more yellow now if anyone was showing inability to control his or her drinking can do the right about face and drink like a gentleman our hats are off one heaven knows we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people notice here no one in alcoholics and honors has ever told me and i hope will never tell any new couple no one who really understands this program will never say to anybody just stop drinking you gotta try hard enough someone who's arguing no I think I can do it on my own what I will do if I move to just gently ask them questions about their own experience with that idea share my experience and if a new person is contained to argue they have the belief system that they can control it the big book tells me very I don't want to ruin a different later opportunity to help this person hey brother if you think you can do it have at it man and let me know how it goes okay because i want to know if you can't do it let me know maybe you can share the secret with me our hats off to him next paragraph okay so this paragraph is the last paragraph we're going to cover on this page and then we got two more paragraphs and that's it okay we're gonna put a question mark after the end of this paragraph i want you to as you're listening to this, ask yourself, what does that mean? What does that mean? Have I had that experience when I was drinking? Here are some of the methods we have tried. Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drink during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, soaring up river with and without a solemn oath, taking more physical exercise reading inspirational books going to health farms and sanitariums accepting voluntary commitment to asylums dash we could increase this list at infinite infinite put a question mark after internet do you have experiences like this for the big yes on the right margin everybody good so far yeah we're good all right beautiful beautiful we're almost done we almost done step one mental obsession instead of 20 pages literally three or four pages we're done we're done okay now for our friends for our big book um what's the name purist big book purists big book enthusiasts i am one of you guys okay so check this out my experience has been the last 12 years of doing it is that man when the person is ready they just this is enough for them to really identify we dive into the rest of the steps now this is the process say when we go through the rest the steps as outlined in the big book what i do with my new person is when they're at the 12th step we come back to the forwards we cover the preface we cover the four words uh we cover everything that was missed here and they just love it they can relate to the history they love it if it acts it's like it reiterates step one experiences while they're making amends practicing 11 and 12 try prayer meditation trying to find sponsors trying to sponsor people while they are doing that i'm still walking with them once a week we have a big book appointment we stole the ones once every two weeks right we covered everything that was missed to our big book purists right so don't worry about that but if you never covered those things that were missed it's totally fine too the newcomer will eventually go to a big book study that will cover all that for them okay so don t be afraid okay so let's go to page 34 please page 34 we're going to cover two more paragraphs and we're done okay the second full paragraph on page 34 which says for those who are unable to drink moderately the paragraph starts with the words page 34 not page 35 page 34 it says for those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether we are assuming of course that the reader desires to stop question mark mr and mrs newcomer we've gone through all this do you desire to stop there's so many outs in this book it's beautiful right because the desire has to come from within i can't force anybody i can coerce anybody i cannot manipulate i don't have a magic wand i just lay down my experience from my heart ask them to question their own experience the person has to come to their own conclusion so at this point if a new person is saying i don t know if i desire god bless you i shake their hand i stay friendly with them let's go to meetings together continue to examine your relationship with alcohol but we ain't doing this no more so waste the time desire to stop question mark put it yesterday whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose please circle loss the power to choose lost the powerful truth the same concept that we unpacked earlier in those italics earlier today on page 24 comes again here lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not question mark after that do i now can i now believe that i've lost the power to choose that i never chose to drink and i don't choose to drink to stay sober today okay so choose loss of power to choose circle it and now grab the yellow highlighter you know i can make it stand out even more highlighting yellow lost the powder to choose weather he will drink or no lost the powers to choose whether he would drink from Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There was tremendous urge to peace forever, yet we found it impossible. Question mark. Do you relate to that? See how much is hammering home that idea that when I'm sober, I don't have the power to stay sober? Question mark after impossible. Grab the yellow highlighter. We're going to highlight the rest of that paragraph in yellow important. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism. As we know it, this utter inability to leave it alone no matter how great the necessity or the wish." Beautiful. Beautiful. In yellow, this is the baffled feature of alcoholism as we know it. This utter inability to leave it alone no matter and the last paragraph we're going to cover to end our step one first half of the step first step if you go to page 43 we're gonna skip all the more about alcoholism we just covered one and a half pages and now the last paragraphs on page 43 okay so 20 pages now they hammered home to us but we didn't cover the full 20 because we don't need to we're trying to be efficient right so they hammered home to me what it looks like when i'm sober and the insanity of picking up that first drink how much powerless i am right if that wasn't enough the last paragraph look what it says once more ali because they know once more in case you missed it the last hour and a half once more okay grab the yellow highlighter highlight that entire paragraph after once more I'm sorry, not the entire paragraph. Highlight this in yellow. The alcoholic at certain times has no mental defense against the first drink. Just highlight that in yellow, that's it. The alcoholic as certain times has no metal defense against a first drink They say once more, you don't have the power to choose whether you will drink or you will not drink. Not within your alcoholic at a certain time. Lost the power of choice and drink. Don't highlight this except in a few rare cases. now highlight this in yellow neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense neither he or any other Human Being can provide Such a defense neither he not any other Humane Being can Provide Such a Defense in yellow please grab the pen circle any other humaBeing circle any other HumaBeing we're almost there we got one minute left we're it any other human being circle that from a human being from that circle please put a line and an arrow to the bottom margin we're gonna list some groups of human beings that we've tried to use to stay sober and hasn't worked okay for the newcomer okay please right so we're going to put an arrow at the bottom margin doctors karma no group of human being never was able to keep me sober therapists come up well let me not make against therapists god bless them we need them i use them in recovery just don't have the power to give me silver romantic relationships love is not enough family romantic relationships karma family no any other group of human beings check this out okay a a members write that one down Comma. AA members don't have the power to keep me sober. Any other human being. And the last one, this may shock some friends, maybe some friends. Ready? Sponsors. Sponsor. Any other human be. Sponso doesn't have a car to keep you sober. The sponsor helps me perform a certain number of actions that helps me tap into a power, okay? After sponsors put three dots that means we can increase this list if we wanted to right any other human being okay can provide such a defense beautiful finish the last sentence we're going to read together don't highlight it his defense must circle the word must his defense much there's many months in this book by the way must come from a higher power circle higher power higher power my circle higher power circle so at this thank you guys at this point in time before i pass it on to mickey and i'm staying for an hour for questions at thispoint uh if this new person that i have met now took us three sessions right usually big book purists would say when i when i used to take someone from the beginning it should take like weeks a couple of months before we finish step one right so in three sessions usually when i take on a new person especially at the beginning i make sure i can give them two or three days a week in three sections in one week i'm taking them to the first step we're trying to get to inventory quickly right so uh if after this session the new person says to me i don't relate to this it's obvious that they don't i'm shaking their hand i'm staying friendly with them i'm walking with them a little bit more in a asking them to examine their own relationship with alcohol but i'm not doing this with them this is reserved for somebody who can concede to their innermost self okay thank you very much guys love you guys make sure you go on up please thank you so much ollie and i am mickey and i am an alcoholic and since we're doing this efficiently and helping others through ollie's facilitating i've picked the saint francis prayer again so we can all be vessels lord make me a channel of thy peace there where there is hatred i may bring love that where there wrong i may the spirit of forgiveness that where there is discord i may harmony that where is error i may truth that where there is doubt i may bring faith that where there is despair i may bring hope that where there are shadows i may bring light that where there's sadness i may bring joy lord grant that i may speak rather to comfort than to be comforted to understand and to be understood to love then to be loved for it is by self-forgetting that one finds it is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life. Amen.