Sex Inventory – Sponsorship Workshop – 2024 – Part 6 of 16 – Ali H.

All right. All right, we're back. Thank you very much. Sane and sound ideal. I believe it is the point of this inventory. It is a spiritual point of this inventory? I have been showing up a certain way in romantic relationships that is not working, that hasn't been working for me or anyone else hurting people. God, I need your help to help me show up a different way. I need you to help to let me show off the way you want me to show up. sane and sound ideal is a point of the sex inventory again if that is not your experience i just humbly ask for the remainder of maybe this session or maybe this workshop just set that aside the beautiful thing about setting aside it's so beautiful i just put it on the shelf i didn't go over put on the shop i give some time i try a new way if this new way becomes a new truth beautiful if it doesn't i pick up what was on the show and i continue with it beautiful just satisfied okay so same as sound ideal we said normal yellow we subjected each relation to this test was it selfish or not in pink please a prayer a prayer we ask god to mold our ideas and help us to live up to them that's pink remember all prayers and promises and meditations we're doing in pink? We ask God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. Again, prayers all over this book. I am praying throughout this thing. No more pink. We remembered always that our sex powers were good, were God-given, and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly, nor to be despised or loathed. Whatever our ideals turn out to be, in yellow grab the yellow highlighter the important statement highlighter please highlight from we must be willing that we must be willing to go grow toward it continue in yellow we must be willing to make amends where we have done harm provided that we do not bring about still more harm and so doing all that in yellow okay so I'm not at the amends stage yet but just a little foreshadowing exactly so when I'm making amends in especially in the romantic relationship area but in any area I don't make an amends if in making this amends is going to cause more harm again I'm not going to be the judge of that I have a sponsor I run things by my sponsor I pray to see if that's that the case or not right so one example in this area is romantic relationships is uh I don'T know that like you hear a lot if if um um two people a couple maybe married couple someone's making an immense it's talked about in immense pages right and some that one person has committed adultery you know throughout the marriage right so um it says in the immense page later on should i should we tell the person well maybe not that's between after prayer meditation uh consultation with the sponsor maybe the direction is do you want to change are you willing to change you're not going to do it anymore then meet you telling your girlfriend is going to devastate her maybe maybe who she is right so we're not gonna again if no one's to be the arbiter that through prayer meditation solitude sponsorship and this work it's revealed okay that's one example that's for example it could there could be many examples okay so uh no more yellow we're at the bottom paragraph there in other words we treat sex as we would any other problem any other problems i treat it just like i treat sex in this way in pink please in pink place the rest of the paragraph it's a meditation it's prayer in meditation we ask god what we should do about each specific matter the right answer will come if we want it that's a medication it's the prayer okay so now before we go on to the rest of this chapter just quickly i wanted to share just just quickly couple one thing okay with sex and there you go so you could just do this yourself i'm gonna i'm going to email this kuna has put it in the chat he'll do it again all the big book directions from beginning to the end whenever this workshop finishes um and also all the inventory issues this is sex inventory she's exactly like the big book if you see here so number one word had i been selfish dishonest and considered we put it in one question what i heard not just supplyably aroused jealousy suspicion of bitterness i put in one had i've been fault what should have done instead right so now sane and sound ideal this instructions this is what i have found best so after completing all the sex inventories we use the answers to question five which is what should i have done instead and but it's going to be emailed to you okay so don't worry about writing it down as a starting point to write a saint and sound ideal for my future sex life romantic relationships okay so i use that question if i have five romantic relationships i've written inventories on i have five answers to five questions of what should I understand, I use those answers in meditation as a starting point of my sane and sound ideal. As the big book has directed, I pray and meditate. God, can you please show me? Can you please shape this sane and solid ideal for my future romantic relationships? Now, if I am in a romantic relationship currently, so I have been of the lineages that we recommit to first nine steps once a year once every year and a half once every two years so i've been loyal to my wife right i've married coming up to 11 years of marriage so it's my romantic saint and son ideal for my current relationship with afsi moving forward moving forward okay so it is important to remember that this ideal this important okay is not about what i want in the other person or or about what the relationship should be like. I have met some men that they have believed or they've been taught that they don't sound ideal kids. So now you write down, what do you want another person? Oh, I want a person who is spiritual as well. We can take long walks on the beach. This is not the dating game. I'm not giving God a list of my... I'm giving Santa a list of attributes I want in a romantic partner, okay? I want to relationship which is calm and peace and we pray together. That's not what this is. I'm not saying that's not good. So there's programs out there, visualization and prayer. Please do them. Amazing. That's not what this is. That's Not What I've Been Taught, okay? This is simply another way to, if someone is confused, what does it say in a sound ideal? Okay, let's just keep reading. I think it's here. It is about how I need to show up in a relationship or in my current relationship moving forward. So a sound and sound ideal is the best way to ask myself is okay this is how i've been showing up in black and white how would god want me to show up in romantic relationships moving forward or my relationship with my wife from today forward how would God want me show up me me it's about me inside out not about the other person it's about me insider as always before approaching the same sound ideal I say prayer so I'm like god please hold mold my ideals to help me live up to them okay so that's that's a little i think that was important to touch on saint and sound ideal and i pray about it by the way i have as part of my prayer rituals and meditation rituals every morning there's certain set prayers that i have one of them is the saint and son ideal i need help to show up in that way in a selfless way in relationship with my wife this illness is too powerful for me it's rooted in myself god has to be in the middle of this relationship with afsi and i if either god is everything or else this marriage will become nothing and i make it nothing and then i'll blame her i am a good case maker i build cases for people to make them wrong okay now listen i'm not saying people are people everyone has ego everyone gets blocked off it's not even reasonable or correct to say one person is 100 at fault but this is not about fault this is Not About I am wrong and you are right we are transcending the world of right and wrong this is about the realm of the spirit I need to grow in understanding effectiveness I'm walking with God now I have I've learned a new language that I try to speak more fluently in the 10 step, in this work now with you guys helping me, my relationships, whatever capacity in my life, including my wife, Apsi, how they end up, the experience that I have is my responsibility 1,000%. 1,00%. That's the kind of spirit I want to bring up to this. That's a kind of freedom. How much of God do I want no? I'm responsible 1,0%. God show me how can be better. And I feel and that's okay god doesn't make too hard terms for a broken soul like me now when i take that stand let me tell you i am more free i am moral lovable i am at peace and if god sees fit that the partner that i'm with no longer serves the purpose he has for me he will make it abundantly clear i don't need to worry about being a doormat i need to be a doorman i need to worry about that kind of stuff. I need to worry about boundaries. I need to worry about being taken advantage of. I'm a servant, man. It will be made abundantly clear this person is poisonous. Let's part ways. Don't you worry. Don't you worry, all right? Okay, so let's get back. That was a tangent, sorry. Okay. Where are we? Okay. Oh, okay, okay. So sane and sound ideal. So in middle of page 69, one more note for the new person, so we're very clear for that. We have highlighted, remember, sane and sounds ideal, and we have made a circle around it with pen. So from that circle, sane, and sound, ideal, if you would please put a line to the right margin. You know, if he has some room in the right margin, that would be fantastic. Please do that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. To the bottom margin, to the bottom margin, please bring it to the little thing and we're going to write at the bottom margin across. Okay. So I hope we can fit all this stuff here. Let's see. This was a new person, right? But guys will have the sheets as well so please write this right at the bottom margin make sure there's lots of room right small right two three four lines maybe after writing all sex inventories oh shoot okay no that's good that's gonna kill you after leaving all sex and mentories karma use all answers to last question which is we don't write this but that's what should have done instead right so after writing all sex inventories use all answers to the last question comma after writing all sex and mentories thank you kristen for putting in the chat use all answers to last question comma pray and come up with sane and sound ideal pray and comes up with saying a sound idea this instruction isn't the template just in case pray and come up with saint and sound ideal okay after saint and sound ideal put a bracket try to fit it there somewhere whatever margin you can the last thing i'm going to write is, put a bracket. Please write in those brackets, how would God want me to show up in relationships? How would God Want Me to Show Up in Relationships? I hope that was clear. Sorry about that. How would god want me to show in relationships from the beginning last time after writing all sex inventories use all answers to last question comma pray and come up with saint and sound ideal bracket somewhere there which the brackets after that means this is what satan's sound ideal is how we're looking at it how would god want me to show up in relation in relationships Okay, how would God want me to show? Beautiful. Sounds good. So God alone can, we're reading now, God alone kan judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. In yellow, reiterate again, very important. Again, look what it says. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice. We avoid that. we avoid historical thinking or advice okay you are not allowed to date for five years in Alcoholics Anonymous hysterical thinking or advise you are now allowed to be for the first year hysterical thinking advice notice I also give you an example at the beginning where the spirit guided that after a few years that was the advice I gave suggestion I gave right but But to say to someone, you, you're not allowed to. If you do this, I'm not sponsoring you. In my experience, hysterical thinking advice. Nothing wrong with sharing my experience. Hey, listen, so-and-so, you like that girl? Just a suggestion. You may want to hold off till we get through the 12 steps a little bit. You know what I mean? You do what you will. My suggestion, you know? But I'm NOT giving anyone a hard line rule, okay? it rigidity is the prison in which my soul dies in in yellow suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble okay so now sex inventory is written ideals been revealed right i have an ideal i want to be honest i want you to be loyal i'm going to be caring considerate whatever right suppose i fall short this with my wife and i stumble that's a yellow normal yellow does this this means we're going to get drunk some people tell us so but this is only a half truth it depends on us and our motives if we are sorry for what we have done and have the honest desire to let god take us to better things we believe we will be forgiven and we will have learned our lesson okay in yellow please the rest of the paragraph this important part in yellow If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are sure to drink. Please continue in yellow. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience. So, Mr. Newcomer, do I have to be perfect? I don't. But God doesn't make too hard terms. as long as i clean it up i try to be better god reveal i will stay sober but just like any other area of life in this area romantic relationships if i continue to harm others i'm sure to drink facts out of our experience i think one of the traditions that talks about right we don't have policemen in alcoholics anonymous policing you have to abide by this tradition you have divide by the spiritual principles because alcoholism is the greatest policeman himself herself if somebody veers too much about spiritual principles they are sure to drink same with here they're sure to do okay to sum up about sex now they're going to sum up about sacks please grab the pink it's now a prayer another prayer beautiful prayer okay we earnestly pray for the right ideal for guidance in each questionable situation for sanity and for the strength to do the right thing i highlight all that and think please put a little arrow to the left margin right long ways or however you want sex prayer i mean you could say right there's three kind of prayers on this thing but this is the most comprehensive in this in these couple of pages sex prayer it's a sex friend i use that prayer i use it in a lot of different areas of life lives like my life at times okay sex prayer so if you grab the pen please we're going through the pink that we highlighted again we're gonna number things okay here they ask us to pray for four things okay we earnestly play for the right ideal above right ideal please write the number one and circle it i pray for the right ideal for guidance above guidance put the number two and circle it little to a little circle right above it so guidance in each questionable situation or sanity above sanity number three and i circled it and for the strength to do the right thing above strength right number four and circled it they asked me to pray for four things i can memorize this prayer i can voice it the wording doesn't even matter as the big book tells me right as long as i with conviction from my heart i talk to god a lot god i'm broken can you help me on this one i'm a little afraid i don't know what i'm doing god doesn't make too hard things okay perfect very nice in yellow now the next one two three sentences and yellow if sex is very troublesome we throw ourselves the harder into helping others i'm telling the new person now right we think of their needs and work for them this takes us out of ourselves in yellow finish at out of our selves so if sex is very troublesome look just like any other area in life throughout this book it's been peppered this message my freedom comes from my desire to take some actions to be of service to this loving power and his other kids to the best of my ability my freedom from self from the situation right sex is no different so when sex is very troublesome um when a newcomer is obsessing over some girl that that he met over the coffee pot and they exchanged smiles and pleasantries and he's in love he's already made babies with them right and married throw yourself into helping others right in my life afsi and i got separated a couple of times by the way this beautiful deep loving marriage a couple times almost ended god had different plans and design he doesn't make too hard terms for broken souls like me like us right so um one of the times that we were separated man my brain it was killing me and torturing me right inventories prayer talk to i would be newcomers in coffee shops and taken to the big book and and i would feel at peace all of a sudden all my problems were so magnified they become right in size and i and i'm able to act more kindly towards my wife to be more loving in a marriage that wasn't working why because of an attempt to get out of myself help someone else okay now somebody who's at this stage let's say they're newer they may not be at the 12th step but there's many different ways that we could try to serve others right many different ways and we all know about okay so no more yellow it quiets the imperious urge when to yield would mean heartache when to be able to mean heartach i throw myself helping others helping others helping others is the foundation stone of my recovery the reason this workshop is here so we can help others more effectively, more efficiently. Everything about this program is about helping others. My relationship with God has deepened. I'm talking about me, okay? Has only deepened the way it has compared to where I was a few years ago as a result of my desire to try to serve others. That's it. That's that. And I've walked this program pretty ugly at times. People that are close to me know it and I try to share it too. i try to share it too so um last paragraph if we if we have been thorough about our personal inventory we have written down a lot we have listed and analyzed our resentments we have begun to comprehend their futility question mark after futility please write the wise next to the question marks in there futility use have i missed a newcomer after writing these inventories and Maybe I'm just giving them directions. She hasn't written their sex inventory yet, but up to now, are you starting to realize the futility of these resentments and their fatality? The deadliness of it? We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness? Has that been my experience so far? And why close to the question mark somewhere there? We have begun to learn tolerance, patience, and goodwill toward all men, even our enemies, for we look upon the domestic people question mark again where this mean maybe at this stage not so much i haven't done a fifth but a little bit okay just where does it meet you to any degree yet we have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct and are willing to strain out the past if we can okay in pink please promise in this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves promise continue in pink we hope you are convinced now that god can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from him pink promise okay no more pink face if you have already made a decision and inventory of our grosser hand of your grosser handicaps you have made a good beginning that being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself question mark after writing these four inventories have you swallowed and digested at least some big chunk citrus allow yourself i have i usually do okay so okay beautiful fantastic so those are the image there are three inventories into action now we're going to interaction There are three inventories in this big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Three inventories that I have been taught, okay? I'm not saying any other interpretation is wrong, okay, so remember, we are out of the world of right and wrong. That's the third dimension world, that's the world or the isms and the ego, I want to stay out of that. I'm in the world what works and what doesn't from my experience. What has been working more effectively, what has been less effectively, okay. So three inventories. Resentment, fear, sex conduct inventory in this big book. Some friends have the experience of there's a fourth inventory, which is a harms done inventory. That's not my experience. Harms done inventory is the immense step A list. okay it does it does ask the question in in that sex inventory whom had i heard and some friends have interpreted that okay everyone that i've heard harms on inventory that just hasn't been my experience it doesn't mean it's wrong it hasn't meant as effective when i've done it that way three inventories harm is done is a step-by-list there's a way to do that as well so again not the only way just all right so before we go on to the next few pages um actually i'm gonna okay so before we go into the next few pages just wondering if there are any questions regarding any of the inventories for today's session no comments please question no comments yet i'll stay for an hour hour and a half hour after for any questions and comments uh so any further questions any questions at all any questions that are and then so um And if you don't have any questions, we're going to... Okay, perfect. All right, Barb, come on up.