Step 9 and Making Amends – Sponsorship Workshop – 2024 – Part 5 of 16 – Ali H.

Thank you, Nisa. Hey everybody, Ali Grateful Alcoholic. You guys can hear me okay? Yeah? Yes? Okay, good. Okay, the videos are doing some funny things and moving slowly. I hope my internet connection is okay. Nisa, just let me know anytime, okay, then I need to adjust something. Okay. Grateful to be here with all of you on session 11, what was supposed to be out of 12 but we'll see now um so just to address a couple of things that i was overhearing um one is the recording so um seeing how um it looks like um the spirit's plan wasn't for us to finish what i intended to finish in 12 sessions and understanding that uh you guys many of you have planned for 12 sessions so what we're going to do is as i mentioned before if we go on beyond 12 sessions so i think next week we'll cover step 10 and that's it that's all i'll be able to cover um so um i will stay on and whoever is able to stays on and so that this means that we're going to release all the recordings okay at the end for sure because it's not fair to people that are planned for all sessions now they're not gonna hear right so i'm gonna release all the recordings that's one thing um the other thing is that i overheard is excuse me confusion about um what to use like the session directions or i just want to share something with you so the very the very last email that you got and what kuna posted in the chat last week is the most updated big book directions so please disregard this session notes like this session we did this and just because the sessions may not always match like we didn't cover everything that we wanted to cover necessarily in every session for example if you notice look at the first three points um you know the first session usually what i get to do is cover the three pages in the middle uh with it with a new person and then do the color coding and the circle and triangle right and i may even get into the doctor's opinion a little bit so that could be first three could be one session you know so just go but with this this is the best most updated directions that we have on what to do and if you notice here let me just see oh there it is so so like when we get to the inventory stuff there's a little bit more detail what the assignments are for example number 12 right what the assignments are approximately how many days to give and all that stuff nothing's rigid okay all that stop is the spirit will guide you what you need to do right just sort of a guideline really mainly this is for the beginning where we jump around a lot right so you know where to go and then if you notice at the end i think we talked about this last week last week see number 20 no number number 29 like we're covering chapters 8 9 10 and then chapter vision for you 11 and then dr bob story 31 and 32 it just says traditions out of the 12th so that's what i've been doing is through the big book and the traditions and then we mentioned also last week that sometimes a lot of times especially these days there isn't really time uh to do that so i encourage i either do a group thing with the men that i sponsor with the traditions like a zoom thing group together or i encourage them to search out a traditions workshop there's plenty out there right now right i don't need to be the be all and end all right and along the way um because because i have a weekly appointment or every week and a half every two weeks depending on where this person is in the steps with them to continue in the big book i get to in that conversation talk about what's going on in life applying spiritual principles and then you know talking about in those conversations traditions conversations usually come up you know so i don't know i just need to share all that okay um all right session we're continuing the amends now so i had what if you notice i have noticed this the two um steps where they are they're the biggest and most it seems like profound and deepest promises gathered together are steps nine and 12, right? In step 12, you know, it says nothing ensures immunity from alcohol except intensive working, right. And then after you to see people recover to watch a fellowship grow up about you you don't want that's a huge promise, right and then the step nine promises everyone always thinks about the promises like the step 9 promise, right their promises all over the big book but the step nine probably is so many of them i believe the reason for that is those are the two steps with which really get me to practice and and live up to the commitment i've made in the third step with god those arethe two steps that get meto start to fulfill my desire of usefulness every other steps prepares me for that like the first eight steps before that they prepare me to start being useful to God's kids. That's why there's so much freedom in the ninth step. And there's so many profound promises in the nine steps. Now, if we just go to page 77, we left off on 78. Page 77. At the bottom of the page, at the bottom margin of page 77, we're going to do a little bit of writing to the step nine process okay so i'm gonna show you if somebody can spotlight me just just so you guys can get an idea of how much space and how small to write can somebody spotlight me thank you see it says step nine progress i highlighted and there's like a it's hard to see it's blurry but that's you get an ideia how much so at the bottom page 77 to the top left of the bottom please write step nine process and then highlight that in yellow and i'm going to give you a five-step process okay stop the highlighting page stop the spotlight thank you step nine processed underline highlight and then colon after that there's five steps okay so below that line where it says step nine process write one circle it please write small make approach we're doing everything short form right so make approach we're going to write everything come back and talk about it make approach below number one please write number two confess exact arms done that i'm aware of confess exact harms done that i that i am aware of okay number one make approach number two confess exact harms done that i'm aware of number three express regret from my actions and their impacts express regret for my actions and their impacts okay so number four try to fit it somewhere at the bottom and if you can't no problem just go to the right margin and write long ways from the bottom number four and number five can you just fit it somewhere there and he says my internet connection is unstable can you still hear me okay yeah okay okay terry you have your hand up is everything okay with you i i was i just um didn't remember the set aside prayer thank you very much as you put your hand off i remember we didn't do it would you please do it for us there you go unmute yourself oh okay yes terry alcoholic god help us set aside everything we think we know about ourselves about this program about the big book about everything give us a new attitude and a new outlook about ourselves about this book and about you god amen amen thank you so much terry I don't want you to put your hand up, I realize. By the way, I'm feeling a little off today, but it is what it is. Thank you, Terry. All right, so number three, express regret for my actions and their impacts. There's two more, four and five, okay? Fit it wherever you can, lots of room there. You can put on the top margin if you wanted to do it, wherever you care. So number four, I am going to put in quotation, that means I say something like this, right? It doesn't have to be exact. So did I leave anything out, question mark. Did I leave everything out, question mark? did I leave anything out question mark and then number five the last one again in quotation mark I ask something like this how can I set things right how can i set things straight and then we're going to go over it together okay number four no is did i leave anything out question mark and number five how can i set things right okay so we're going to go over if you missed it we're gonna go over it right now one by one just sort of unpack just a little bit so um again and some friends here may be familiar with this right so um if if you've been doing another another approach and it's been working for you beautiful again in the spirit of what terry reminded of as a set-aside prayer just you may want to just set that aside for a little while and then see if there is anything um spiritually beneficial uh that that may come to you from just trying trying something else you know trying to turn something new so uh step nine process make the approach okay so what does that look like when i make the approached i pick up the phone i send the email for example i don't know however i send the text however i'm just making the approach in my approach i'm not making the immense okay so for example um i don't know if you guys had that it had this experience or not but if you had this experienced or not um you know uh i was about to i was about to many years ago i was able to speak and then somebody says next to me and they just start making their amounts to me right before i didn't have time to like digest one of the very few times somebody's made an amends to me but that's okay um or um you know call someone up and i just and i Just just blew it out right I just want to get off my chest well that's not the point of the immense the point in advance is to fit myself to be a maximum service to God and the people about me so in this spirit of being concerned of others and hard on myself I want to see if they're in a place to receive it, if they are open to have such a conversation. It's not about freeing me of my conscience and my guilt or whatever I feel. That's all self-centered stuff, right? That's not going to get me anywhere. So I make the approach, whether it's a phone call or a text or an email, however I can reach them, I literally just make the approch. Hi so-and-so, however you want to do it. do it if you want to admit you're drinking fine if not you don't have to or if you know just you know i've been i've Been contemplating uh the last the last of the while uh uh you know on my life and my actions and and I've come to a couple of realizations and one of them is that I've harmed some people you're one of Them I was wondering if you would be give be generous enough to give me the opportunity maybe for a phone call or face-to-face so I can just make an amends to you. Right? Leave it with them. If they say no, then it's no. They're not ready. That's what my spirit says, not for you right now, right? I just make this. So the approach is just the approach, okay? I ask their permission. Number two, confess exact harms done. So I made the approach. Yeah, sure, let's go for coffee. You can call me this day at this time or you can do it right now. Okay? So number two is I confess exact harms done as I'm aware of. So as through my inventory and my step eight list, and I make a step nine, like, you know, remember we were doing three a week or however many, right? So I have bullet point exact harms done that I'm unaware of. I've run it by somebody, a sponsor, somebody I trust. Is my ego getting in the way here? Am I talking about their faults? I want to make sure. What do you think of these harms done? Am I going to make more harm in confessing these things, right i've already run it by somebody and i prayed on it right so then i confess the exact harm is done exactly i stole from you i yelled at you last time i was really inconsiderate and cruel in this occasion whatever it is right confess exact harm is on now if you hold on to that if you go back to just up the paragraph page 77 the last just the second last paragraph we highlight and yellow at the bottom it says we go to him in a helpful forgiving spirit confessing our former ill feelings and expressing our regret notice someone i think asked i'm not sure if it was after the meeting or not a very good question do i go to them and tell them how i felt about them right that makes not in the context of what this book is talking about right i don't go and tell him i hated you that's gonna hurt though right that was the that was the ego that was the bondage of self that was the lies right the truth is in my fourth column okay so um i go and and confess exact harm's done one thing that i've done in the past and i made a mistake what i don't do is read my fourth call them to them that's not what i'm doing the fourth the fourth column is a revelation to me out of that and prayer and sponsorship, I got to extract exact harms done. Exact harms done, right? The fourth column could say something like everything I'm accusing him of doing, the stealing or whatever, I've done in my own way. That's a revelation for me. I don't want to talk on that, right, so exact harm is done. Number three, express regret. It says I'm expressing our regret. express regret for my actions and their impacts so an apology is a small part of an immense process all I used to do is apologize to people and then repeat the same thing over and over again my words became really cheap people want to see some actions right but in the amends I want to formally compensate somebody for the harm that i've done mend the relationship or men like the harm that I've done with a sincere desire not to do it again we wrote that note last week right so express regret for my actions and their impacts number four and five are not in the big book okay so but we're not going to do anything that's going of the opposite of what the big book says but through the years decades now people our friends some spiritual giants been doing this work somewhere on this call for decades now right and through the decades spirit has revealed a little bit more you know god will reveal more to us right these two questions if i'm correct they actually come from don pritz and that whole fellowship in the spirit of lineage. So the question is that I leave anything out because I never want to assume that I covered everything. There's no way that I can remember everything properly. There is no way I see everything clearly. I'm going by my memory. I'm not in their shoes. I've never felt the impact of Ali fully on people's lives as like a tornado, right? So that question is a humbling question. And I asked them, what has been your experience? Did I forget anything? Did i miss anything? did I leave anything out? Did I leave any thing out? Right? However you ask that question and in that question after I asked that question, I am quiet if they need to browbeat me for however long they need to they do it i close my mouth i may be praying underneath for god to remove my selfishness that's coming up as i'm hearing things about me that i don't like that i've missed or hearing things that i may not agree with i don' t think i did that doesn't matter it doesn't matters to walk with God. Did I leave anything out? I just listened, okay? Now, so forget that. So number five, this was also, this is not on the big book, but it's been passed on through a lineage of big book people, some giants there, and it really makes the amends really complete for me. It has. How can I set things right? Because that's the point of an amends. I want to set right the harm that i've done and i can't assume for the other person i can be so arrogant to know what they've gone through that have covered everything and i'm not going to be so elegant to tell them this how i'm gonna this is what i'm going to do for you to set things right how can i set things away i'm really glad ali that you're doing better in your life i want you to never call me okay thank you for the opportunity no problem never called them it hurt for a while it was uncomfortable i had to continue to pray about it but the amends are not there for me to feel good instantly but i've been free i'm free and if that person ever wants they'll come back to me um how can i set things right keep doing what you're doing baby i love you okay mom i want you you know what i really like it when you're happy every time i go to my parents house i'm happy i don't care how i'm really doing i'm happy big smile I bring food I'm happy because that's what she wanted me to do um how can I set things right I want you to pay me back the money you owe me sure no problem we'll get to the money thing no problem okay is everybody clear on that yeah okay perfect okay so that those are the immense process there's a very powerful way if you haven't done that to try it it really covers all the bases okay now if we go to page 70 now if you notice on 77 we start to number in these next few pages so beautifully that the spirit through bill wilson and the first however many they were covers any possible angle of general situations for an immense dude right number we're going to number them number one we've numbered question of how to approach a man we hated will rise to give us some suggestions some instructions flip the page space to 78. the last thing we we highlighted last week was um it should not matter however if someone does throw us out of his office we've made our demonstration done our parts water over the dam but it doesn't matter i've done my part right that that was the first general area mess now we come to the second general area of the next please highlight in yellow more alcoholics most alcoholics own money please highlight that in yellow most alcoholics hold money okay right to the left of the m and most immediate left of it write the number two and circle it that's a second general interview events okay so now we're going to speed up a little bit today and then also if you don't mind i would like to ask you as we're going through the general areas and numbering them please pray and see if spirit brings any examples that you can share with us in any of those areas okay i'm going to ask for hands later on we're going to cover just one person one area and succinct to the point okay so most alcohol is so money in yellow no more yellow we do not dodge our creditors telling them that what we are trying to do we make no bones about our drinking they usually know it anyways whether we think so or not nor are we afraid of disclosing our alcoholism under theory it may cause financial harm. Dr. Bob was afraid of that, remember? Bill met him, he got sober for like a couple of weeks or whatever it was. He was afraid to make his amends because he thought the little business he has is going to lose if people really know. Meanwhile, everyone knew that he's a drunk, right? And he went and drank and came back and one day made all his amends. And then he stayed sober and AA started at that time, right. Approached in this way, the most ruthless creditor will sometimes surprise us. Arranging the best deal we can, we let these people know we are sorry. Our drinking has made us slow to pay. So above where we said best deal, arranging the Best Deal, please circle Best Deal. Please circle that. please circle best deal okay from best deal put a line to the left margin a little arrow line to that left margin a little error turn the book clockwise 90 degrees so the left margin is facing you from the very top left margin for the one bullet point we're going to have probably two or three lines maybe no probably two lines bullet point please write the following this is in regards to best deal okay so when it says a best deal it's not again i'll explain that to the newcomer right it's now saying well listen i'm not wheeling and dealing with the person i borrowed 2 000 from you how about i just give you 500 we call it another reason the best dealer that way okay please write this make a payment plan, make a payment plan that you can honestly afford. That's the first line, first bullet point line. Make a payment plant that you cannot afford. Honestly afford. Thank you, Kristen, so much. Make a payment planet you can only see it for. Okay. Again, below the first bullet point, second bullet point right below it, we're going to write across the left again? Remember, comma. Remember, comma. You are not giving up your money, period. There's one more sentence after that. Remember, Ali, you're not giving off your money. Period. you are giving them back their money period oh okay thank you for that reminder remember comma you are not giving up your money period you are given them back their money so two bullet points we had first bullet point make a payment plan you can honestly afford second bullet point remember you are not giving up your money period you are giving them back their money period okay thank you Kristen so so meaning uh arranging the best deal we can okay so um what it sounds like is so if I'm working and if I have whatever my income is I gotta set aside money for rent let's say for food right I gotta for some essential bills and anything after that. So that's a conversation I have with the person in a very humble way. You know, I have $50 a month left after I pay rent and food. Would it be okay with you if I make a payment plan for, I don't know, $20 a month for now? And once I start working, I'll increase that amount. Is that okay with you? You know? It's a very humble conversation. So I can't take away food from feeding my baby to paying amends. That's not a spiritual thing to do either that's me trying to look good and get rid of my guilt that's not what i'm doing at the same time if i have a if i've 200 a month extra i'm not buying my i'm not buying myself a pair of shoes either and not pay the amends i'm now setting aside entertainment for myself monthly i need to go to uh whatever twice a week but no i'm going to do it again you know again with the sponsor okay with this whatever the sponsor does okay perfect beautiful and then the last sentence the last two and a half lines of that paragraph please hide that in yellow important we must lose our fear of predators no matter how far we have to go for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them we are reliable to drink and we are face to face that's in yellow very important creditors i pick up i don't have any I pick up, I'm honest with them, right? Oh, I'll share something with you just quickly. So for me, it got so bad. I wasn't so much that maybe not to someone else. Maybe some people are millions though. For me, it was so much that I tried. I couldn't get my head above water with my sponsor, with prayer. We decided, I don't know what you guys have in the States. In Canada, we have like certain bankruptcy laws. I had to. Legally, I had go to bankruptcy, consumer proposal. i had to there's no other way legally i have to take steps so i can keep my head above water and start feeding a family you know what i mean then for my not personal stuff personal stuff i made for business and credit stuff because there's things in place that they get paid what they get paid there's write-offs whatever that they do but i tried and i couldn't right so perfect so that's that okay so please keep in mind the people that are going to share get two areas so far question of a man a man or woman we hated if you have an example of that what that looked like and then to financial minds what that looks like let's go to the third area okay we're going to move a little bit so the next paragraph to the left of perhaps immediate left right the number three and and and put a circle around it highlighting yellow perhaps we've committed a criminal offense which might land us in jail if we were known to the authorities this is the third general general area of amends they presented to us in this book like an immense that if i make it it's gonna be have some severe consequences you know jail or you know criminal or just some severe consequence okay normal yellow we may be short and they give us two examples on this area okay we may be short in our accounts and unable to make good we have already admitted this in confidence to another person but we are sure we would be imprisoned or lose our job if it were no see some severe consequences that i'm sure i'm gonna lose my job in prison get maybe it's only a petty offense such as patting the expense account most of us have done that done that sort of thing maybe we are divorced and have remarried but haven't kept up the alimony to number one she's indignant about it and has a one out for arrest that's a common form of trouble too although these reparations these paybacks take innumerable forms there are some general principles which we find guiding in yellow now important reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any length for a spiritual experience please stop your yellow right at experience experience okay grab your pen please circle to go and then sir we just highlighted it to go and then circle the entire line there to any lengths to find this spiritual experience you want to make it stand out even more remember the why legal i kept on repeating there's three places the first 164 pages of this big book the solution portion of this fake book where they present to me the idea of are you willing to go on new lengths right and how it works we do a contract together a contractor but that's not part of the vehicle and how it works in the step eight paragraph we just with the last week and then in this one step nine remember ali you you you this that you have decided to go to any length for a spiritual experience isn't that interesting i guess the spirit knew some of the hardest actions to take would be the ninth step twice in the ninth stuff or eighth and ninth right twice in the nine steps guess what that's why it is there's so many promises around the ninth step because soul freeing is so freeing when i get to set right the wrongs i've done to god's other kids and be humble about it in the eighth and not in the nine step is when i watch god remove and tweak the defective character that are blocking me from the son of the spirit and then nine step is when god gives me the courage and the honesty my desire to to cooperate with god to not be dishonest anymore to not be judgmental so much you know what i mean it my cooperation is in the actions of the nine step because the reactions are nice and the rest of this stuff so grab the pink please it's a prayer right after experience please highlight in pink for the rest of this sentence it's a prayer we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences may be we ask that we'd be given strengthen direction to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences may be and to the right of that pink please write in small step nine prayer number one step nine below a prayer below it number one if you're writing long ways uh if you writing if your big book is facing you straight for the right step nine player number one in this step nine pages they give me two prayers this is the first one there's so much in there i ask that be given i don't have the strength i want strength and direction god to do to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences are to me because i'm always worried on some level what's going to happen to me the self-centeredness is the death of me is a root cause of my problem step nine prayer number one okay no more highlighting we may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. These are some powerful directions, eh? A little bit scary, right? In yellow, please, the last sentence, we must not shrink at anything. We must not shrinking anything. we must not shrink anything oh no you don't have to make that amass that's gonna you're gonna go to jail don't make that a mess no we must now shrink at anything you want such trickery okay now now that's a tall order right that's little bit scary especially for a new person and now they give us two live examples of what that looks like on the ground we're not going to be so rigid with that right two live examples of number the general area of number three that if i make an amends i believe there's going to do really big consequences okay so to the right of the next paragraph where it starts from usually however please write example number one example number one okay i found like dividing the step nine pages in this way it's made it so simple it just unpacked it so easy right stop stop sorry example number one highlighting yellow usually however other people are involved therefore we are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself from the alcoholic pit that's in yellow right so the exact directions are that i might not shrink it i must not shrink i go to absolutely any length Right? The spiritual container of the amends is that the amens process is for me to fit myself to be a maximum service to God and the people about me. So what I do is I consult my sponsor, I pray and meditate, I consult whoever I need to that is in this work, that knows what I'm doing. I take it to prayer and meditation, and then I do the next indicated direction. So in this example, look what they say. A man we know has remarried because of resentment and drinking. He had not paid alimony to his first wife she was furious she went to court and got an order for his arrest he had commenced our way of life and secured a position and was getting his head above water it would have been impressive heroics if he had walked up to the judge and said here i am we thought he ought to be willing to do that if necessary so the willingness to go to any length is there right well let's be sensible about this let's bring god into this but if it if he were in jail he he could provide nothing for either family he's so therefore if he went to jail his current family wouldn't get anything and his former family wouldn'T get anything either he's just doing that to save himself from his guilt that's a self-centered thing to go to the judge right away and say hey I'm willing to go to jail with consultation with the sponsor and others look what they came up with we suggested he write his first wife admitting his faults and it's an asking forgiveness he did and also sent a small amount of money he told her what he would try to do in the future he said he was perfectly willing to go to jail if she insisted of course she did not and the whole situation has long been adjusted since has long since been adjusted right so the willingness was there the spirit provided a solution in which is best for everybody involved okay beautiful fantastic let's flip debate. We'll cover one more example, then we'll take some sharing, please, from the floor. Top of page 80, to the left of the top paragraph, please write example number two. So the first example they gave me is the wife, right? Former wife, go to jail, wrote a letter, right? Example number two, highlight in yellow that top small paragraph, all of it, please hide it in yellow before taking drastic action we might which might implicate other people we are we secure their consent if we have obtained permission i've consulted with others ask god to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink okay sort of the same thing right i if my actions are going to affect others or implicate others i consult with others i consult with the people involved. I kind of consult with my sponsor, pray and meditate. And then if the action is indicated that I go ahead. But here's the example they tell us. This brings us no more yellow. This brings to mind a story about one of our friends. While drinking, he accepted a sum of money from a bitterly hated business rival, giving him no receipt for it. He subsequently denied having received the money and used the incident as a basis of discrediting the man. He thus used his own wrongdoing as a means of destroying the reputation of another. In fact, his rival was ruined. He felt that he had done a wrong he could not possibly make right. If he opened that old affair, he was afraid it would destroy the reputation of his partner, disgrace his family and take away his means of livelihood. What right had he to involve those dependent upon him? How could he possibly make a public statement exonerating his rival? okay so if he were to make that amends his current family would be affected because he couldn't make money his current business partner would be infected because the business would be ruined right so he has no right to just go make the amends consulted with them it doesn't quite say but i'm assuming obviously consulted with spiritual elders and sponsor okay after consulting his wife and partner he came to the conclusion that it was better to take those risks than to stand before his creator guilty of such ruinous slander. He saw that he had to place the outcome in God's hands or he would start to drink again and all will be lost anyhow. He attended church for the first time in many years. After the sermon, he quietly got up and made an explanation. His actions met widespread approval and today he's one of the most trusted citizens of his town. This all happened years ago. okay beautiful fantastic would you please highlight in yellow for some reason i highlight this should be highlighted okay highlighting yellow we just read this he saw that he had to place the outcome in god's hands from the top of that paragraph one two three four lines down he saw that he had to place the outcome in god's hand so he would start to drink again and all would be lost anyhow highlight that in yellow the middle of that paragraph that we just read okay so they don't give me any rigid directions of what to do i have to consult a sponsor consult people involved pray and meditate and maybe the indicated action would be to go and it anyways maybe it'll be something like we'll write a letter write a ladder first and see what happens okay perfect beautiful okay one more one more general area and then we come to sharing okay the next paragraph to the left of the beginning of the next paragraph please write the number four and circle it Thank you guys for your patience with this session. I know we're doing a lot of circling and me reading. I appreciate you. Just try to get through the immense pages. Highlighting yellow, please. The chances are that we have domestic trouble. Now they're going to cover the general area of domestic trouble, relationships, romantic relationships, marriages, girlfriend, boyfriend. The chances that we are going to have domestic troubles is that we don't have domestic problems. Highlight that in yellow. That's the fourth area, number four. okay no more yellow perhaps we are mixed up with women in a in a fashion we wouldn't care to have advertised we doubt if in this respect alcoholics are fundamentally much worse than other people but drinking has complicated does complicate sex relations in the home after a few years with an alcoholic the wife or husband gets worn out resentful and uncommunicative how could she be anything else? The husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for himself. He commences to look around at the nightclubs or their equivalent for something besides liquor. Perhaps he's having a secret and exciting affair with the girl in quotation who understands. In fairness we must say that she may understand but what are we going to do about a thing like that? A man so involved often feels very remorseful at times especially if he's married to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone to hell for him, okay? Domestic troubles, affairs and cheating, right? That general area they touch. Okay, highlighting yellow, the first sentence in the next paragraph, important. Whatever the situation, we usually have to do something about it. Whatever the solution, we usually had to do some things about it, okay, no more yellow. If we are sure our wife does not know, please listen to these words, they're powerful, eh? If we are sure our wife does not know, should we tell her? Not always, we think. If she knows in a general way that we have been wild, should tell her in detail? Undoubtedly, we should admit our fault. She may insist on knowing all the particulars. She will want to know who the woman is and where she is. We feel we ought to say to her that we had no right to involve another person. We are sorry for what we have done. God willing it shall not be repeated. More than that we cannot do. We have no right go further. further though there may be justifiable exceptions and though we wish to lay down no rule of any sort we have found the best course to take okay so again in the spirit of this not a workshop where we unpack a paragraph and all that kind of stuff this is so we can pass it on to the next person right um we're not going to really unpack this pretty self-explanatory okay but for the people that have had this immense experience please put up your hands right it's one of the areas we'd to hear from you we'd love to hear it from you um notice they don't say that the big book never tells me in rigidity you must do this not another sponsor i have a right to anybody that i must right that's not up to anybody else sponsor guides me directs me we pray we meditate and then we see what the writing is right i've heard of examples uh you know that the sponsor has guided rightfully so after prayer and meditation it has come that you know what um if if you have a real sincere desire to not continue with with cheating and you want to make this marriage work and it looks like if you make this amends if you bring about what she doesn't have no clue about it's going to destroy her then you just keep this to yourself right now let's change our behavior i've heard of that it's not my business right and i've heard it the other way as well really it's between god right and and the person so please circle our design for living we're almost there we're going to have some sharing now please circle the next paragraph our design for living please circle that from this circle put a line to the bottom margins curve a line and an arrow to the bottom margin please write this it's sort of off topic this note but really on topic okay please write the note the 12 steps are a design for living the 12th steps are designed for living they're not a design for not drinking they're not drinking happens as a byproduct it's a design for living my problem is not drinking my root my problem is i don't know how to live that's a real problem the surface is not the surface injury okay so the 12 stops are designed for living our design for living is not a one-way street it is as good for the wife as for the husband if we can forget so can she it is better however that one does not needlessly name a person upon whom she can vent jealousy perhaps there are some cases where the utmost frankness honesty is demanded no outside see what was talking about that no outsider can appraise such an intimate situation it may be that both sides decide both will decide that the way of good sense and loving kindness is to let bygones be bygons each might pray about it having the other person's happiness uppermost in mind keep it keep it always in sight that we are dealing with that most terrible human emotion jealousy most generalship may decide that the problem be attacked on the flank rather than risk face-to-face combat if we have no such complications there's plenty we should do at home sometimes we hear an alcoholic say no no that's it face-to-face combat that's where that's where that'S where we're ending right now okay perfect so beautiful so in the interest in the interest of this workshop it'll be much more beneficial if we hear your experiences the five areas without you can go through the pages see what comes to you the five areas that I'm asking please not one person share five areas one person one area okay The question of how to post a person I hated. Do I have that specific immense example? Owing money, making the amends the approach do I have? That good criminal offense or an offense that was gonna have read higher consequences and the process, and I went through that. Do I? Have that example number 4 domestic troubles and affairs? have that example, okay? Fantastic. Please. Barbie, come on up, please, if you have an amazing example. If you don't mind, please keep your video on. No? Okay. Marilyn, please come on out, please. Who's supposed to unmute you? Okay, there we go. Perfect. Thank you. Good morning, Marilyn, alcoholic. Okay, I want to make sure that I'm on point. The first one being someone that you hate but could it be someone that you felt owed you an immense not that because my question my point is in regards to you you saying to ask them is there anything else that i may have left out and it was with my sister who owed me an immense and i did not want to give her an immense did you do you have an example of you making that immense yes okay perfect yeah perfect man so in any so but so here's the thing okay so i don't want to really go deep so i have to it has been it has to be revealed to me through sponsorship and the spirit that doesn't matter if i feel they also mean a mess that i owe them in advance i'm not just faking oh i owe you and then i'm going to make something up to make an amends as a as a manipulative tool to get them to talk about right I have to it has to be revealed to me that I actually they may be 99% wrong is revealed to me by my sponsor and the spirit one percent I own amends exactly so that's part of it do you have an example I'm gonna make it really brief that so so that so that don't take up too much time okay so I felt that I owed her amends because of my alcoholism and me not being a sister and available to her right but she had tortured me my entire childhood and i still suffered from uh traumatic stress disorder based on that childhood trauma right so it was very difficult for me to make this amends but i was it was led to me and through ralph's workshop and through my sponsor that you need to make cover your part of the street and not worry about that so i did that right and felt good about doing it once i did it because I do love my sister right but then when I asked the question is there anything else that I may have forgotten she came up with something that was so harmful to me another harm she had done to me and I had to sit there as you and bite my tongue and cringe because it was another horrible torturous thing that she had done and she blamed it on me so then I got a new resentment beautiful a new opportunity to be more free new opportunity there you go right beautiful beautiful thank you Marilyn so I'm in the so incredible see what an example what an example what a beautiful example that i have ideas how i want amends to go right i do i do it especially the difficult ones right and the spirit has has ideas for me right because me making the amends is not for me to feel good it's not for me to go take for tack and make sure they realize how much they've harmed me and they heal me my walk is with god god is going to heal me because my motive in making amends is to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people about me and it may not be to that person Marilyn it may be through this I'm squeezed and more more old belief systems come out of me through this process and I apply spiritual principles and I get healed and I healed and God uses me to to be a service to someone else that I had no idea of And in the process, I look back and I'm like, man, that thing with my sister is gone. I'm more free. Do you see what I'm saying? So thank you for that example. That was a perfect example, perfect example that God's in charge. So what a delusion that I, at times, all of us, me, I'm talking about me, I suffer from that the issue is on the outside. It's very plausible. I make a case for it. Any other human being will look at it would say, it was your dad who beat you. You didn't deserve to be beat. You have a right to feel this way at the age of 35. Of course, it's his fault that you can't really be successful in life. But that keeps me in the bondage man. You understand? Beautiful. Thank you so much. Kit, come on up, please. Thank you, Madeline. Hi, I'm Kit and I'm an alcoholic. I'm going to talk about the domestic troubles. I cheated on my husband and before that I cheated with married men when I was single. um and so i spent time with my my sponsor on this quite a bit of time because this was probably my biggest amend to make and i the the first time i addressed it in step nine i i followed the book exactly i spoke in general terms and the reason was because i knew he suspected and And I didn't name names, I didn t go into specifics and he seemed satisfied. And in my amends, I did say to him, Is there anything you want to add? Anything I left out? And we talked a little more about it, but again, I d n't get into specifics. Four months later, I found him going through my stuff. I said, Oh, what's up? What are you looking for? had been acting very withdrawn from me he was convinced that he knew i who i cheated with and um that i was still doing it so he asked me specific names and events and so forth so i did come clean it was not pretty at all um and we almost got divorced however what he said to me. He said, I don't know if I can ever get over this. How do I get over this? And I said, you can't ask me how to fix this. I can tell you, if I don t drink, I'm pretty convinced I'll never do this again. Anyway, short story, long story short, God bless him he got a therapist and he went to al-anon and this was five years ago and we are stronger than ever before and we talk about it now and then uh because we'll be watching a show or something i wanna i wanna cry but like the nine step promises say i will not regret the past and never not shut the door on it and so i've been able to use this example many times uh with sponsors and as an example here so thank you wow thank you so much kid for your generosity so what kids shared just brings up one thing that i need to so um as a sponsor i don't know is a very profound spiritually powerful answer if i haven't had the experience that kid has had and the man that i'm sponsoring is is coming to that i talk about what the big book talks about and i encourage them to find someone a member or i know people that would talk to kid about this she's had the experienced i don't know it's a really good answer man okay thank you kid for saying okay break come on up please hi break hi sorry about that um hi everyone my name is bray i am a recovered alcoholic so my example is um you know when it says on 77 harder to go to an enemy than a friend you know this person so it was an ex of mine and did not want to go and talk to this person and make the amend at all. In fact, it was the number one person top of my resentment list, but I knew I had to do this. So I went to them and this person had cheated on me, had just really wronged me. And it was not a good situation, but, and this was, had nothing to do with me. It was my higher power that kind of nudged me along because I would have never decided to do this on my own. And I was able to go to her and say, you know, here's my part. You know, I robbed you of your peace of mind. I caused you sleepless nights of worry. I remember I was not there when her stepfather was like on his deathbed. I was out drinking all of these things that I did. And i was just able we i'll say me and god were able to set aside everything else that this other person had done to me and i was able to make that amend you know sorry i didn't show up to funerals all the stuff and it was just so incredibly freeing and when i was able to say you know is there anything else have i left anything out that you'd like me to know it was as you had said earlier ollie was just like just keep please keep doing what you're doing not necessarily want me back in their life but like please just keep doing what you're doing and it was so freeing so that's it thanks thank you ray for that for that example thank you so much michael come on up there brother hi everybody i'm melchah my name is mike um hello um so i'm going to talk about the amends number three says perhaps we've committed a criminal offense um so So, when I was in my alcoholism, I was a thief, okay? And then I came into recovery. I went through the steps. I took part in the steps, and I was working for a company I got let go, and I got this phone number given to me, okay, so this guy just out of nowhere gives me his phone number. I take the phone number I needed a job so I call this guy up okay I call him up he's a contractor he says I'm looking for framers I said okay no problem he goes can you frame us yes so I work with this fellow for a month or two we're at a job site and there's a bunch of tools that were outside a compressor I said you might want to put that compressor away he said maybe if we're in simcoe we would because it would probably get stolen and i'm like i'm thinking i said oh where were you working going he said a street and i could place myself at that street where he was working when i was in my alcoholism and i said all i said i said do you remember meeting a guy there or actually i remembered i'm late oh my god i stole from this guy and i tried calling my sponsor i paused and then it says remembering ourselves that we decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience that was very much stressed to me from my sponsor we asked that we would be given the strength and direction to the right thing no matter what personal consequences might be that prayer i had to say i couldn't call my sponsor that day i said that prayer and uh i was guided to make the amends okay so i went to this fellow's at lunchtime and he says i said to him i go do you remember meeting a guy that rode up to your site on a bike he goes yes or and asked you for a job he goes yeah I said that fellow was me he says oh I didn't even recognize you I said well I stole a lot of things from your site I was at a bad place at that time and I'm not that person anymore and I'd really like to make things right and he sat there and he paused and he said well I said if you'd like make a list of what I owe you and I'll try to make that immense I'll try and fix make this right by paying back he says well I can't believe that you said that and uh I said well I just want to do the right thing and um he said I'll come up with a list and came up with the list and um He gave me a list of how much money I owed him and he gave me time period to pay it and I paid it and that was an amends that I didn't even think about it was brought up to me because of the his his phone number was given to me out of nowhere so i believe that god did for me what i couldn't do for myself okay and and i could talk all day about the immense process but this is the one that i've been pushed to talk about and the freedom that's come from this whole design for living is so amazing i'm very grateful thanks beautiful thank you so much mike thank you brother what a beautiful beautiful example of what god does it's on god's time right and in that example he didn't have time to talk to his phone that's okay right i pray what the spirit guides me to do beautiful fantastic um two more hands we're gonna and then we're going to jump sarah come on up hi sarah Hi everyone, Sarah alcoholic. I too was called to talk to number three. You know like the big book says at the end of my drinking I couldn't differentiate the truth from the false and my abnormal life became the only normal one. I committed crime on a daily basis to survive, to get what I needed. And by the time I walked back into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was in a lot of trouble financially, emotionally, spiritually, but legally as well. And I come from a good family. I was taught good morals and values, but untreated alcoholism just didn't take me down a very good path. And I remember when I walked back into the rooms of aa um i walked into a meeting and they were talking about this and uh a member shared you know my sponsor told me that if i'm guilty i have to plead guilty and i looked at the person who brought me in and i said i'll never do that like i was in a lot of trouble like they were asking for seven years on one charge and three on another and i looked at her and with every bone in my body i was like i'll i'll ever do that um you know but through good sponsorship and these 12 steps and time in the rooms by the time i had to go to court to face all that, I had gone through the steps and I had started sponsoring others and I pled guilty. And it's weird how quickly we can take things for granted or forget what this power really can do and how many people I've been able to share with and help with my story when people are scared of criminal and what's going to happen. But I went from a seven-year offense that they were asking time for to a six-month house arrest from pleading guilty you know and that power just took care of me the whole time and that experience ended up being one of the biggest blessings in my life you know one of things i thought would be the worst thing that happened to me became the best thing that ever happened to me and in those six months i had to learn how to be alone you know to stay in um you know too to not be so defiant you know to take some direction which I could never do before Alcoholics Anonymous and it taught me so much and we've talked about it a lot um through the last sessions but me too you know like I was obsessed to be in a relationship before Alcoholic Anonymous before I found this relationship with this loving God I could Never Be Alone um you know through the power of my higher power I've been alone for quite a long time because I'm never alone now you know but that was the first step spending those six months by myself um you Know where I actually had an opportunity to not seek outside and and it became a major blessing and just so grateful thanks for letting me share amazing thank you so much sarah beautiful beautiful example just reminding me uh i didn't have this experience i never had the pleasure of jail even though i should have maybe uh but uh another member of alcoholics and i'm shared a while ago i remember he was sharing that he ended up going to jail for he pleaded guilty ended up going for five years right and he was scared and all that you know and what ended up happening that in jail he started an aa meeting in jail sorry in jail other alcoholics became sober and free and he had the most profound experience in those five years and walked out he was free behind bars and he walked out of jail just a free man you know so we just never know what god has planned for us because my purpose in this life specifically in the immense process is to try to fit myself to be of maximum service to god and the people about me nothing else everything's a byproduct you know it's beautiful such beautiful examples everybody thank you so much last person and we'll jump back in carrie come on up please Hello, everyone. My name is Carrie. I'm an alcoholic. So mine is kind of more like a 10 step because I was sober. You know, so I was over when this happened. And just for anybody that's new out there or anybody that's not new, I my first instinct was still to do the wrong thing. you know i backed into a car nobody saw hit and run like there was no damage to my car and i just wanted to like i was financially strapped at the time and i didn't want to like i didn'y want my husband to know about it if anyone knows my husband glenn ryan in the wheelchair yeah so i don't want him to know about it and i'm sober now for a long time longer than he was at this time and my first instinct was still not to tell anyone and to just you know go about my business and um so i ran you know did my business or whatever came back and i looked at the car and it was damaged and it was an older car so i'm like you know financially i walked in the house and uh glenn was doing a book study with one of his sponsees and they were going over this exact part and so when i walked into the house i hear that you must go to any lengths you must not shrink it you know um if it's a criminal offense you must not shrink the financial you must i'm like oh right god you know so i ended up putting a letter on the car and the guy was really really grateful that i had done that and i was it ended up being like not that much money and we were able to i never even met the guy but he was just really grateful that i uh owned up to it when i could have just kept going and not done it so um and then it made me feel better and it was just funny how they were covering this exact part in the big book when i walked in the house after i had done that it's like oh god god has plenty a sense of humor that's for sure all right thank you thank you carrie for our newer friends that are younger in sobriety and at the 12 step in this workshop all of us most demands are made during recovery anyways if you're sober a couple of 24 hours you know we don't have to be perfect it's all good right we'll talk about the 10 stuff next week right beautiful okay fantastic thank you so much everybody let's get back in the big book page 82. the second full paragraph from the top it starts with if we have no such complications what they just talked about right the domestic troubles there's plenty we should do at home sometimes we hear that an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is keep sober certainly he must keep sober for there will be no home if he doesn't but he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated passing all understanding as the patients mothers and wives have had with alcoholics had this not been so many of us would have no home today would perhaps be dead okay pretty self-explanatory what I got next paragraph in yellow please I love this part the alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others continuing yellow hearts are broken continuing yellow sweet relationships are dead continue please affections have been uprooted selfish and inconsiderate habits have been have kept the home in turmoil yellow up to turmoil put a question mark after turmoil please answer to the left margin do you relate to that in recovery yes when you were drinking but also ask yourself in recovery have i ever been this person tornado roaring through the lives of others hearts were broken so relationships is that selfish and considerate in turmoil question mark i have last week there was a day I fell asleep spiritually really bad ask thank God for this process that I get to make amends continuing yellow we feel the man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough we feel the man isn't thinking sobrietry is enough all you gotta do stay sober that's good enough that's not what the big book says sobriety is a byproduct of the right way of living right away okay no more yellow so the last thing is we feel a man is unthinking when when he says sobrieties enough no more y'all he's like a farmer who came out of his cyclone cellar to find his own ruin to his wife he remarked don't see anything matter here ma any grand the wind stopped blowing this was the attitude that i originally had when i approached the immense process towards my family members my mom my dad my sister you guys should be happy are you kidding me isn't enough that i'm sober and i'm not and and i am not causing turmoil in your lives why don't you heal on my time you should be forgiving me how dare my sister continue to be a bee to me right selfish self-centered i'm like the farmer who comes out of the cycle and seller hey look everything's good i'm good now i'm drinking everybody heal on my time everybody forgive me make me feel good make feel better treat me with kid gloves because all about me and how i feel really like a tornado in people's lives and i can't be today sometimes not as often not as intense not as intensely thank god doesn't last as long thank god i'm trying to be better you know but certainly when i came in page 83 top of it in yellow please yes there is a long period of reconstruction ahead we must take the lead that's in yellow another yellow a remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fit the bill at all that's it for the yellow important okay to the left of yes there's that top of the paragraph there to the left of that yes please put the number five in circle this is the fifth area general area of immense with family members they talked about uh relationships romantic relationships now family members where there's a long period of reconstruction ahead where there is a lot of sense of entitlement expectation on me sorry on that my point no more yellow we ought to sit with the sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it being very careful not to criticize them the defects may be glaring but the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible so we clean up so clean house with the family grab the pink now it's a prayer it's the second step nine prayer that they introduced me to prayer starting from asking each morning asking each morning in meditation that our creators show us the way of patience tolerance kindliness and love it's a prayer i you i have used that prayer i use that prayer asking each morning of meditation that our creators show us the way of patience tolerance kindliness enough to the right of that please write step nine prayer number two do the right margin step nine below a prayer reloaded number two step nine prayer number two asking each morning and meditation that i created shows the way of patience tolerance kindliness and love beautiful they cover everything in yellow the next sentence important the spiritual life is not a theory we have to live it the spiritual light does not appear we have to live it it is very arrogant of me when i used to think that from one immense and three four five two three five six years of sobriety my mother would be at peace with me and she doesn't have to check up on me to make sure that i'm okay how arrogant to me come on mom i've been sober for five years you gotta stop this micromanaging how arrogant to me to tell someone else your wounds should be healed on my time for my comfort how arrogant do me it says the spiritual life is not a theory you have to live it my actions shout much louder than my words i have to live this program with the family there's a long period of reconstruction ahead i'm not going to go into too much examples for the sake of time but i've had that with my family my sister with my dad with my mom with close friends unless no more yellow oh sorry please put an asterisk on either side of that yellow so throughout this big book some there's certain some yellow highlights that we put a asterisks on either side of the column of the line right because they're super super important this is one of them spiritual life is not a theory i gotta live it this not as homework assignments and textbooks got to be on the ground i gotta live it i gotta breathe these steps they have to become a part of the fiber of my being no more yellow unless one's family expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles we think we ought not to urge them we should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters they will change in time in yellow please we just talked about this our behavior will convince them more than our words our behavior will convince them more than ours no more yellow we must remember that 10 or 20 years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone okay I will share it so my sister um I had made an amends to her when I was four months sober um with the expectation she'll forgive me everything will be okay that wasn't the case um and I could make a case like Marilyn that she had done a lot of harms as well well I'm not going to compare to Marilyn so it wasn't like the way you're describing maryland the torture it wasn't but i'm just saying my own name so then god put us we ended up getting to business together open up a store uh god put as that's a whole thing about that but no god put in a car driving to montreal from toronto toronto it's a five-hour drive right to go to see some investors we wanted to franchise this store let's get some investors grow the business at that time we went there the business the meeting didn't end up the way i thought they should have i thought we could really benefit whether she didn't from it on the way back we sort of discussed it a little bit and she disagreed with me and that was and then she continued to be angry with me i remember on the way back um just just really mean-spirited you know in her tone and just which i thought it wasn't warranted and what i wanted to do is just push back and just tell her um all the things that she's doing wrong and still annie after a year and a half you're still doing this aren't you ever going to get her that's all i want to say right what about the things that you've done right so you trained me well so i sat in this car and i just kept on praying god please please show me please remove this offices from me show me what do you what's my assignment here what do u want me to see your god i know i'm being selfish i'm just praying under my right hand side right and then the thought came really strong you never asked her what it was like for her did you you've never asked her what her experience was with you you just made these assumptions so i asked her told something she was talking about the business she was pissed off at my whatever and i said to her saying you know that so i talked about the stuff that had happened you know i made demands that i made to you of you know how i found you in the sleepless nights and the chaos and all that kind of stuff and stealing of your money and just you know what i never asked you and i'm really sorry that i didn't that i never ask you what your experience was and did i really leave anything out you know it's a five hour drive she proceeded for the next hour and a half crying crying telling me exactly the depth of the wound that my act of alcoholism cost her. Hour and a half. And I sat there, tears coming down my eyes, not responding at all. Just praying. Mouth closed, hand over my mouth, just praying. Listen, something will come up. There'll be a pause. I would make an amends for that. I Would acknowledge that. A couple of things she said. A Couple of things She said I'd never done. It was a figment of her imagination. I'm sure of that you know what the spirit revealed to me why do you have this need to be right Ali it is going to make you feel better right now to tell her that she's wrong about that memory why do You have this Need to get your spiritual fulfillment from another broken human being rather than God so I just shut up and I just listened and I Just prayed for an hour and a half she did that and I cried because she cried and then we became free after that drive Now, there's a little bit more to this. Now, since then, man, my sister and I were like this. There's so much I can say. She got married. She got two kids. I'm the one she comes to for everything. Just recently, three, four months ago, a few things came up. And she's done some things to our parents financially that have come up that I approached her with about. and she didn't react very humbly right and her and i went at it went at it so i'm in the process the last few months of step 10 clean up when i've done harms pray write inventories because she's not my issue the ego tells me that she's the problem but what what is happening the spirit is giving me a gift because the valley in life with her squeezing me from my old belief systems to come out so i can address them spiritually so i can be more free and i'm becoming more free and more free and more fee and you know what's come to me is that she could be however she wants to i just do what's the right thing to do after she swore at me and told me she never wants to see me i just brought up something calmly kindly the next day i had promised her to go to traffic a red light ticket for her court. Everything inside of me wanted to say, F you, you take care of this. But you know what I had to do after talking with the sponsor and praying? It's between me and God. I had go to that courtroom the next morning for two hours wait, resentful, praying the whole time and do the right thing anyways because my walk is now with her, it's with God. And I've become free and more free and recently what's come is that she's wounded i'm not going to change her i keep her at a distance right now and i keep doing what i gotta do and god will reveal more so that's just one example there could be so many right and we all have many many examples i know i'll just move to share that with you guys okay our behavior will convince them more than others because if my goal was for me to have a happy relationship with my sister her acknowledge me and her she she hasn't made any amends for anything that she's done she does some terrible things eh if my goal was for her to make all the things that she has done for me to be free man i would be dead in the water because she may never she may not heal the way i wanted to heal but my walk is with god my freedom is independent on what anyone else does is depend on my relationship with God and the steps that I take to set right things with his kids to the best of my ability. And then the step nine promises come true on a deeper and deeper level. So I shared that with you guys. I'm in the process of that. I don't know if there's, I don'T know what's going to happen. I got to do the right thing. I have a set of principles to help me do that. Have a sponsor and elders around me to help me do that to suggest things to me number six the next paragraph highlighting yellow please there may be some wrongs we we can never fully write to the left of that number six fully this is the last general area my apology to everybody we may have to go two minutes over but we're going to go quick okay There may be some wrongs we can never fully write. That's in yellow. To the right of the, in the right margin, please put a little from fully right. A line and an arrow pointing to the right margin. Turn the book counterclockwise 90 degrees. Please write only the span of that paragraph. Please write people that are MIA or have passed on. Maybe you could do it two lines. people that are MIA, missing in action, MIA or have passed on. Those are just for example right some rights I can never fully write. Two examples are just people that I don't know where they are other they passed on I have no idea I can't find them right. So what does the big book say? It says no more yellow we don't worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would write them if We could. Some people cannot be seen we send them an honest letter and there may be a valid reason for postponement in some cases, but we don't delay it if it can be avoided. Again, I don't let my brain dictate to me what I can skip or what I cannot skip with a sponsor. There are still people on my amends list from my original amends many years ago that I haven't been able to find. I tried to find them, but you know what came to me just a few years ago? i tried to find them a few years ago i couldn't but then i just sweep it on the on the carpet and i've never made an attempt to pray and try to find him again after a few hours so god said you know what it's time again it's Time Again to make an attempt To Try To Find Them Some People Have Passed On um You Know There's There Are Things That We Suggest To Each Other That Sometimes It's Grave Sites Right Letters At Grave Site Sometimes The Grave sites are An Ocean Away I can't do that i write a letter i light some candles in a space and i just with the spirit of this person i make an amends i read my letter from the heart exactly like it's followed right by the way i've actually asked the question can you reveal to me grandma if you see fit if there's anything that i've left out and how can i set things right with you and it gets revealed on God's time. On God's time. It's beautiful, man. It' s beautiful. So highlighting yellow. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble without being servile and scrapping. That's in yellow. In my immense process I should be sensible, tactful. All this spirit guides me. Sponsor guides me consider it of the other person humble but without being groveling servile that's that has nothing to do with the person that's about me wanting to look good wanting them to forgive me why wanting to you know it has nothing to do that's a manipulative tool grovel I don't do that but I'm humble about it there's a difference though right there's different so or scrapping I believe that means I combat it right i forgot i looked it up long time ago i'm not doing that either perfect no more yellow as god's people we stand on our feet we don't crawl before anyone i've uh i've had a you know how we all have sometimes sometimes we the disease that the illness in the in the soul and the brain takes lines out of context in the big book and tries to make a case right so because let's start before i don't crawl before anyone right that that my the disease in me has used that as a as a reason why i shouldn't make an amends or an approach no that's not at all what it is that's all what it's not in the context of this book okay so we're gonna finish with you with the promises if you can stick around to be fantastic if we are painstaking please circle the word painstaking. Painstaking means thorough, diligent, right? If we are painstacking, circle pain. If we have painstaken about this phase of our development, grab the pink now. Here are the famous step nine promises. Highlight in pink. We will be amazed before we are halfway through. Halfway through are a man's yes, but that's not rigid. It may be at any time. We're halfway through right we are going to know all in pink we are going to a new free know a new freedom and a new happiness please circle with pan the two news new new new view so today that we are here right now today moving forward if there are any immense owing please consider that the spirit speaking to you right now through this sacred text you're gonna know a New Freedom Abby a new freedom and a new happiness continue pink please we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it we've had plenty examples not enough time we will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace no matter how for this all in pink no matter how far down the scales we have gone we will see that our experience can benefit others we are all living examples of that this program is about that is about brokenness It's like shining through brokenness. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. Notice it didn't say, economic insecurity would leave me. The fear of people and fear of economic insecurity will leave me. Most of the last few years of my sobriety, I have been economically insecure. Most of The Last Few Years of My Sobriety I have had no fear of it. Most ofthe time, right? There have been times where I've been in a fear of fetal position at home. Most ofthetime. There's been a freedom right now. Right now. There's a freedom around it. This life is not mine. This is God's life. He gave it back to me as a gift and he made a deal with me. I'm going to use you to help my other kids are you ready for that to give up everything to my care and you know what I felt nothing short of bliss and joy and freedom when I have performed this assignment to the best of my ability despite not having money despite not sleeping despite depression spells despite so many things, man. Separations. Doesn't matter. Fear of people, have we read that? We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. Beautiful. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. God did for Michael what he could not did for himself. God did for kit what she could not do for himself god is doing for us what we could not too far you continue to do for me right we suddenly will start to realize that oh my god right no pink for this sentence okay no pink for the sentence are these extravagant promises we think not now finish up with pink please highlight they are these promises they are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly sometimes slowly they will always materialize if we work for them always materialize if we work for them sometimes quickly sometimes slowly the promises always materialize that we work with them so for this sake of time the last thing we'll do is if you just please turn the book on page 84 clockwise so the left margin is facing you just please use the span span of this of this top paragraph there please write 12 promises of step nine Notice, if you count them, there's 12 promises of the ninth step. I don't know, just interesting fact. 12 promises to step nine. 12 steps, 12 promises. They will always materialize if we work for them. Okay. Fantastic. Thank you, everybody, for staying a little bit longer. I appreciate you guys. So next week is one of my favorites, step time. it is so deep and powerful this next page a couple of pages it's like holy moly um and last next week is our official last session official as i said i'm gonna stay on for whoever wants to continue and then we'll release the recordings for whoever cannot okay god bless you guys thank you very much i'm going to stay on today for another hour for another hour for questions and or comments and mickey would you kindly just close the meeting and And then say a prayer, close the meeting, and then open up the floodgates for everyone to say their goodbyes to each other. And then we'll mute everyone and just do Q&As and sharing. Thank you. This is a nice step.