Steps 6 and 7 – Awakening Workshop – Part 13 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

we're going to get started here in a little bit. We're going to do our prayer and then we're gonna do some meditation. I don't know why I'm looking at Buddy like I'm going to do a prayer or I'm look at Buddy because Buddy, we need prayer right? We need some prayer Absolutely. I'm gonna lay some hands on you boy Yes please. And it will not be gentle No, it'll be good Let's get started here. So what prayer are we going to do? What do you guys want to do? Third step. Third step prayer? Okay, let's do a third step prayer. All right, ready? God, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, and victory over them. May there witness to those that help, of thy power by love by way of life and i do that always do we get someone to turn off the lights back there okay perfect all right pet alcoholic i heard last week was terrible with tyler was it awful fabulous wasn't that great man i wish we could have i could have been here and that'd be great to hear hey so just general so how did everybody feel about the uh tyler's step five conversation do you guys was it was it helpful yeah i mean do you feel like you got a better understanding of We're going to do a little bit of a review on 5, and then tonight Leanne and I will be talking about 6 and 7. So let me sort of give you a schedule because there's a couple emails going around and Leanne, and Tyler and I, we've switched it around two or three times. So what we're going tell you tonight is the schedule from now until the end of the time, okay? So let's go over for a second. So tonight is 30th, and we're talking on 6 and seven, okay. Next week, which is the June the 6th, and the following week, June the 13th, there's no meeting here. The purpose of that is to be able to get your fifth step done with your sponsor, your step buddy, and then also to begin to write your cards, all right? So we'll be talking about that as an assignment for step eight. We haven't done it yet, so don't worry. yeah Michelle's going cards we haven't talked about cards eight and nine and so the next time we'll be back after tonight is on the 20th of June sound like a long way off but it's going to go fast so if during that period of two weeks you know you need to get a hold of us or whatever else you know my is my name on the is my number on the website and all that yeah okay good and just call Do what we need to do, but stay in contact. You don't want to miss the next parts of this stuff. All of what you've been doing up to this point is, I mean, this is like the good stuff. This is like The Money tonight. Six and seven, this is The Money deal. This is the good staff, right? So when we get back on the 20th, we'll be doing eight and nine. So we do six and seven tonight. When we get Back on the Twentieth, we're doing eight and nine on the 27th. We're going to do 10 and 11, and then 4th of July is actually on a Tuesday. So we have access to this facility on Monday the 3rd. Is everybody cool with coming here on a Monday night for Step 12? Is that possible? Yes. Is that all right? Yeah. Now, it would be the same time. It would be at 7 o'clock. So that would be Monday the 3rd. And Leanne, because she is the web princess, will send out a reminder. Princess. Princess. But I just want to – so is everybody sort of clear on what we're trying to do here? Yeah. So tonight, 6 and 7. What are we doing next week? 8 and 9. 8 and nine. No. Skip, skip, 8 and 10. Buddy. I'll be playing comics. Buddy's killing me. So again, so we're skipping two weeks, all right? Matt. Do you have any of those handouts that Tyler gave out? For the 6 and 7 or the 5? If anybody was missing last week, I've never seen those before. They're on the website. Yeah, they're onthewebsite.com. And I might have some with me tonight. I mighthave some. I think I do have some. So if you didn't get the handout from last week I thinkI got some in my bag. Okay? Nothing for the next two weeks. Nothing forthe next twoweeks. Well, you'll be doing your fifth step. You'll bedoingyourfifthstep. Nothing here. I mean, nothing down here. Nothing here, And the reason we're breaking that two weeks is for that express purpose because, you know, sometimes people are getting busy and it's hard to schedule up a time. And I don't know about you, but sometimes when you're going through your first fifth step, it's going to take more than two or three hours. You might be meeting with whoever you're meeting with two or три times over the next two weeks, all right? So don't think you're getting off easy. You're not, all Right? You don't want to cheat yourself on that deal. All right, so that's the sort of logistics of the schedule. And again, one more time, 6 and 7 at night, no meeting next week, June the 6th, no meeting June the 13th, back together on the 20th for 8 and 9. And then we'll be doing 10 and 11 on the 27th, and then we will have July the 3rd, we'll do step 12 in a party. Hey! All right? That's the deal. Is that when it ends, July 3rd? Yep. July the 3rd. So by the 4th of July, it truly is a freedom day. What a cool thing, huh? That worked out pretty cool. It really did. All right? That's pretty neat. He's writing it on his pen. Are you writing it in his hand? This is great. I love it. All right. So let's do a recap. And this is not, I'm not trying to be super thorough, but I want to hit on some high points on step five before Leanne gets up here and shares on step six. If you guys got your book, open up to page 72. And out of the first paragraph, when you go into your fifth step, and it's really... The reason we have five, six, and seven as far as the teaching, if you will, the sharing on those steps before you actually do your fifth-step, it gives you perspective on what you're looking for when you're doing your fifth step and if you don't have the perspective of what we're trying to get after the fifth step becomes much more of a you know it's like you're telling your dog your deepest and darkest secrets and you get all done and say well that felt good and then you go on about your business and you don't get a lot of you don't get a lot of effect the whole purpose of the fifth step is to address the issues in this first paragraph and it says having made a personal inventory what shall we do about it we have been trying to get a bunch of different things going on the first thing a new attitude a new relationship with our creator and and a big end to discover the obstacles in our path all right we had certain we've had admitted certain defects we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is we put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory now these are about these are to be worked on really worked on you know see how we could fix ourselves because we're this is a self-help program right how's that working for anybody right cast out think of it as a freaking you know back in the middle ages one of those things that launches the big boulders and it's shooting over you know just just launched that thing like a super big slingshot and the stuff that's blocking you off from god from having sunlight of the spirit power in a free form a free flowing basis in your life that's the whole purpose That's the whole purpose of this thing. So remember, when we started this journey together, the spiritual malady creates a sense of unbelievable discomfort in our soul. And we use three little words, restless, irritable, and discontent. But the bottom line is I live in that place too long inside, no matter what's going on on the outside, whether everything looks all dressed up, dolled up, and pretty, or it's a frickin' train wreck. Either way, it's what's going on inside. And if I don't have some kind of power shift, new power in me to deal with that uncomfortability in my own skin, what am I going to do? What does my alcoholism or my addiction tell me to do ? That's my solution. I've got to have a bigger solution than what I've ever had. And see, the problem with my alcoholismo or the addiction is that it's a progressive illness. and it keeps getting worse and worse and worse and so for me to go back to the drink and I know this in my core every cell of my body is death and I'm not I'm Not even exaggerating and so if it's progressive and that's where it was for me almost 15 years ago for me for me to go back to that if God I mean if something happens spiritually where I'm unfit and I live in that place of being restless irritable and discontent too long there is I don't there's no hope There's absolutely no hope. I don't have this attitude of, yeah, I go in, I can crank out a good weekend and get some relief, then I'll come back into the program. Are you kidding me? That's just not the truth. That's not the way to do it. That's really not the case. That's literally not the thing that we're talking about. That's the truth that we've got to find real relief. And what the fifth step is telling us is that we did all this work up to one, two, three, four, now five to get to a place where we can have a new attitude have a relationship with the living god of the universe yeah god and be in a position where believing in god which may many of us had coming into the program which was not enough to keep us sober but now we're going to have a place where you actually have access to power of god in our very lives how does that translate it means something that'll give you comfort and it'll give you peace and it will give you power inside in the worst times in sobriety in the best times in sobriety and you're going to be fine I'm telling this living proof you're fine, more than fine, you're powerful and you are looking for opportunities to help other people chokes me up a little bit obstacles in our path, what are those things? obstacles in our path are old ideas remember bill story he's talking about you know hey i've got i've gotta have these new conceptions about how to approach life i have to have these New Beliefs I have to be away from the old silkworth talks about this complete shift this complete un you know everything that i used to believe used to think used to live by is being pushed aside set aside for a brand new set of beliefs, concepts, motives to approach life. That's where we're going. And if I could have done that on my own through a self-help exercise through enough cognitive behavioral therapy and tell myself the right words enough and go in enough little encounter groups and all the rest of this stuff I tried I would never have needed to have access to the living God but it didn't work. And the scary thing about step 5, 6, and 7 is you're going into no man's land. You're going to a place that you've never been before, that I've never seen before. Every time I do a new fifth step in a new six in a new seven, I'm going into a place I'd never been. And there's always a little bit of anxiousness like, you know, gosh, what if this doesn't work? A little bit agnosticism hanging out there going, I don't know. I believe there's a God out there, but I don' t know how powerful God is. Is God big enough to take me to a place I've ever been? Is God big enough to take me to freedom that I've never known? And either what we're talking about tonight is real and it works, or it's all a pile of crap. I'm here to tell you it's real. It's real." So then it talks about in these ops, we're looking at these defects, and you're going to hear people say from time to time, I'm going to make a list of my defects of character, I'm gonna work on them. Have you ever seen the game Whack-A-Mole? I'm going to work on not telling lies. Then they're not making such big lies, and then I'm not going to lie to you, but I'm gonna lie to somebody else. And so I'm whack-a-mole over here, and then it pops open over here and I'm telling lies over here. Or I'm in a work I'm being prideful about whatever it is I'm being pride full of, and I just not be prideful of that. And then I go, wow, that's pretty cool that I'm not prideful bout that, whack-em-over here. And I get all these little defects going on, and I can't control them. And if anybody's ever sincerely tried to work on defects of character, it's a lost cause. And we find that it's not the defects of characters that we're supposed to be even dealing with. It's the nature of the defects. And we get to that true nature what these defects of characteristics are in step five because it's the thing in our column four of the inventory. It's this fear that is generating all sorts of garbage in my head. It's creating some delusions that I've got to buy into. And it's creating Some Attitudes That I've Got To Live By. And it' s Creating Some Actions I've Gotta Do To You To Make Myself Feel Okay. Because In My Column 3, I'm All Out Of Whack Because I Think I'm God. Because God Is Not Big Enough To Take Care Of Me. I've GOT TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. It'S Going To Be Me Against The World. god doesn't count make sense everybody with me on that all right so when these when we sit down with a sponsor or step buddy what we're looking for is a couple of things it's not about whose story and whose fifth step has more drama and all the rest of stuff that goes on in fifth steps But it's about what do you, what do I as the person going through this work, what do i find objectionable? What do I find objection about how I'm behaving to that person in my column four? Do I find it, let me back it up even further than that. Do I fine, take away from step six tonight, but we're going to be talking a little bit tonight about what do we find objectionable about our discoveries in step one? What do we found objectionable about our discovery in step two? What do you find objection about our discoveries of step three and four and all the way through five? As we go through this, your sponsor guide is going to walk you through and you're going to be saying some inventory. They're going ask you, do you found that objectionable that that same kind of behavior, That same kind of crap keeps going on and on and on over and over and over again, and you can't seem to do anything better. And if we're truly in a position of taking a step five, our answer is going to be pretty much, hell yeah, yeah, I find this totally objectionable. I want to have something different happen in my life. Does that make sense? Okay? Does this sound pretty familiar from what Ty was talking about a little bit last week? A little bit? All right. Are we supposed to go through? what's that we're going to talk about that so the last part of just some recaps there's a bunch of stuff we can be talking about but our purpose when we're going through this is to be as honest as we know how to be with ourselves and for God to set us free in ways we never even dreamed possible of with enough humility, honesty, open-mindedness to what God's going to reveal. Okay? So I am going to turn it over to Leanne and we're going to talk about step six. You ready? Yep. Alright. It's so good to be back again. Again. Leanne, a recovered alcoholic. Okay, so I know that some of you are probably wondering why some of the recordings aren't up yet, and I'm going to get those, and I should get the majority of them. I should Get Most of Them Up Tonight. Some people were asking me about that, and we'll be able to get Those Up Tonight, and we're going to start getting the emails back out again, too. so um all right so we're going to talk um i'm going to talk a little bit about six and um and one of the things that was always interesting to me is that people i hear people always say that that um step six and seven are like the forgotten steps that they're only a couple paragraphs in the big book and um i gotta back up a little bit because i do have to talk a little bit about five in order for me to, to go into six. But when I, when I'm taking somebody through the work, one of the things I have to remember, because it's really easy for me to be sitting there and listening, and for some of us to play the role as therapists, because you know this is not therapy, right? We're sitting in there listening to somebody's life story, right, and their life story comes out in their resentment inventory, their fear grid, their sex inventory, their sex ideal, take it to the grave. That is their life story. And as I'm listening here, one of the things that I do, and you don't have to do this, this is just what I do. But I open up in a prayer and it's just kind of a prayer that comes to my heart where I ask God to be able to reveal to the person sitting in front of me the things they find objectionable and that they see that on their own power they couldn't have done any different. And if there's anything God that they're clinging to that could be removed and that they could just have an awakening and a spiritual experience is going through this work because see i am no different i'm no better than the person sitting that i'm sitting in front of i'm just someone else who's been through this walk and had an experience with this work that's all i am and i have to remember that role because it's really easy to be able to sit across and think you know well you know i've got this much time or blah blah blah and it's not that for me and i never want to make it that i want to make it so that this person can have an awaking and to be able to look at these things that they find objectionable because there's nowhere in the book that it says we write down our character defects. I think it doesn't talk about writing down our defects. We don't do that, and I don't know where that ever came about or why I ever did that in the past before, but you know, I'd write a list of my defects, and I didn't know what good that did me, but it's the nature of my effects like Pat was talking about. And the nature of my defects kind of show up in that fourth column, right? Because it's sort of like my alcoholism. Like I think the alcohol is the problem, right, but the alcohol is removed and the problem is still there, in which the problem is me, right. And so I have to get down to this root and branch. I have to remove the tree that's growing, producing. If I've got a tree in front at me and I'm cutting off the leaves, it's going to keep growing back. Right? So like Pat said, like, I'm just going to work on my defects. I've never known, you know, if I'm beyond human aid, how can I work on defects? That's like trying to work On My Fears. You know, and I see that because I'm riddled by these fears, and these fears are what's blocking me from God. These fears are what's locking me from exactly what it says in this first paragraph into action. Having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our creator. And the one thing that's been blocking me from this relationship with my creator, from blocking me From the things that I have an assignment here to do on earth that I believe that God has sent me here to do is are these fears, right? And some of these and these the nature of my defects. So when I take when I'm taking somebody through the work. You know, I don't, I'm just here to listen and to be a mediator to maybe help them realize some of these things that they find objectionable. And that's why when we do this work and you're sitting in a, that's where we don't have you go through a fifth step with someone who hasn't done the work this way because there's going to be questions that someone who's already done the work is going to know to ask you. And there's three questions that come up and they're in the big book awakening and it's what do you find objectionable that's the one thing that you want to find out and sometimes you'll find a lot of things objectionable sometimes well usually i find my whole fourth column objectionable in the realization objectionable i find it objectionable that i'm full of fear you know and it was whatever comes to you and don't feel you know i don't i tell the person don't feels like you have to get every single one of them right the first time Because when you go to 6 and 7 and you're sitting in 6 and 7, more may be revealed to you. More may come to you because that's your time with God. See, because all I'm doing as your step partner, sponsor, whatever, is trying to get you prepared to go into that same kind of inventory that you're going to do alone, one-on-one with God in 6th and 7th. So I'm just trying to help you prepare all your paperwork and all the things that you find objectionable and to let you see that, do you understand that on your own power you couldn't have done any different? Me on my power is the front side is columns one, two, and three. That's me on my Power, those seven areas of self. That's what I look like. Me on My Power is I need this to be okay. I need you to behave this way. I need others to see me this way for me to be okay. That's me on my own power, right? But then when I turn it over, I have a realization that I see this person may be sick like me. And then I see the nature of my defects in that fourth column. Does that make sense? Okay. So when we get to six, you could turn to this page here after we've gone through and listened to all of your resentment inventory and then we hear your fear grid and in the sex inventory, the sex ideal I usually ask somebody is there any take it to the grave because some of these things that won't show up it says here on the top of page 73 all their life story and that is all their live story withholding nothing on page 75 is take it to the grave so is there anything that you know you have to ask yourself how free do you want to be you know I mean to be able to be rid of that and the person that you're confiding to is someone that you have some trust in and I know that when we read 5 I'm sure Tyler covered this but finding that right person is not so hard these days not like it was you know they talk about if the right person isn't around you can go to a minister and we don't really have to do that I mean we just look around we have thousands of people to choose from today there's really no excuse to put this off you know and so when we reach so as we go through this I always just like to keep in mind that this person in front of me is I'm just trying to help them be aware of what it is that they need to take to God in 6 and 7. What it is that they needs to ask God to be rid of. When we read this chapter up into the second paragraph of page 75, one of the things I ask people to do before they go into 6 and 7 is to listen to, and it's on the website which you were talking about, the um the six and seven it's actually dan sherman is you can either read it or you can listen to it whatever you want i like people to listen to its but you know it might be different than what you're talking about because that's like a couple paragraphs yeah this is more just like bullet points for fifth step consideration oh yes the fifth step considerations yeah that's that's on the website too if you want to go on the website you can go on to the under tools and you can print that. Do you have a question, Michelle? Tyler said that the audio or the transcriptions of the audio are too advanced for us. They're too advanced. She did? No, we're not ready yet. Are you serious? She didn't tell me anything. She didn' say it was too advanced yet. She said go through it first. Oh, brother. No, she was like, do it one way through and then next time. And then if you want to listen to it I, well, everyone that I've done a fifth step with so far, I've told them to listen to it. So listen, it's pretty good. You can listen to It. We're basically covering everything Dan Sherman's talking about. But it's just nice to hear someone else's perspective. The person who wrote the big book Awakening. So I think that, I don't know why she would tell you not. I've never heard her say that before. Have you ever said that? Do you find that under tools? Under tools. Yeah, if you go under tools and then, you know, where you download the idiot's guide, that page, keep going down and it's numbered by steps. And then it'll say Dan Sherman's, and you can actually, there's a, it'll stay Dan Sherman 6 and 7 and it'll actually, if you click on it, it will lead you to the recording or you can click on the transcription which is verbatim word for word what he says so you can just read it either way. All right. So back to page 75. Last paragraph. it says returning home when we return home i know some people who are who are literal about this those of you that know joe c he says he actually puts the book on the shelf and then he comes and then he takes it put down from the shelf like he like he goes like come i don't know i think that's a little overkill returning home we find a place where we could be quiet for an hour carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better. And I think the process of going through that fifth step, right? We can see that on our own power, this is me on my own power. And if I'm on God's power, I don't behave that way. I don' t have those resentments. I' m not full of fear. We thank god from the top of our hearts and the bottom part of our hearth that we now him better taking this book down from our shelf. We turn to the page which contains the 12 steps carefully reading the first five proposals and the first 5 proposals of the first-five steps carefully reviewing them we ask if we have omitted anything and by the way the only step you really need to get perfect at this point is step one the rest is a work in progress for we are building an arch through which we walk a free man at last is our work solid so far I don't know any other way to do inventory that is more thorough than the way that we've done, the way that we do it. Alright? I think our work is pretty solid by the way that we're doing this. I've done inventory before so many different ways but never as thorough as this way. And I'm not saying that this is the only way to the work. Don't think that we are here to promote BBA as being the only to have a spiritual experience through the work because it's not. But I do know that going through the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, like it says, and this is the way that we have found that has been effective for us to have an experience with the work. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have you tried to make mortar without sand? If we can answer to our satisfaction, we look at step six. By the way, has everybody got all the transcribing done in their big book? Nope. What? Look at you all as people. Nope, definitely not. Because when you get to this page, it's like so written, it's hard for me to read everything on here. But try to get that. Listen, try to gets caught up on that too. With the two weeks off that you have, try to getting your transcribing and your big book done. All right, so it says step six. We have emphasized the willingness. Yeah, it is going to look like this. Seriously. Buddy, you don't even have a big book. I have the papers. Okay. We have emphasized the willingness as being indispensable, right? We've asked you, is there anything that you're clinging to, right, are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? That's why we ask that question. That's why you write OBJ on your resentment inventories and your sex inventory, your fear grid and whatever else. That's Why You Write OBJ On There because now you have it ready to go so that when you sit with God in this quiet time, in this hour, however long it takes you, you already know what you find objectionable about each inventory. I don't know about you, but I have never been asked what I found objectionable when I sat in a fifth step with anybody. I never knew to look for that. even when I read this before many times before I started to do the work this way, I never even considered what I found objectionable and the first time that you're asked that question when you're sitting in five it kind of throws you off guard like wow, what do you mean what do I find objectionable, help me out here and that's when that person sitting across from you can help you discover that so after we've gotten one or two done, now they're just like you're picking it out left and right and you're seeing OBJ, OBJ. You know, you're writing it everywhere, okay? What we have found objectionable, can he now take them all, every one? If we still cling to something, we will not let go. We'll ask God for help. I'm sorry, my book is written all over. We ask God to help us be willing. That's why we ask, is there anything that you're clinging to, right? Is there anything that you are clinging to is the second question, right, in that when we're in our fifth step okay and then we're gonna go into seven so let me see if there's anything else that I wanted to so I can't work on my fears I can work on mine my character defects but it's the nature of my defects that I need to look at it's an it's what's deep inside of me that makes me react and act that way and that only God can remove that from me and that's why that time in 6 and 7 because the step is we admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs ourselves, we wrote our inventory another human thing another human Being the person that you're sitting with in the 5th step and then to God when you get to 6 and 9 now you're admitting to God and this time that you have one-on-one with God what I like to do when I sit in 6 is I sit there you don't have to do this either I like to light a candle, and to me it just kind of gets the mood in a nice quiet place where no one's going to bug me. And I don't have little kids anymore, so I don' t have to worry about it. But I can find a quiet place, and I imagine God sitting in front of me. And I take that first inventory, andI look at that, and I look at what I find objectionable, and I ask God to remove that in prayer and also in meditation. And then I go to the next one, and then I read that again to God. And then the same thing with my fear inventory. I take my fear inventory and I look at my fear Inventory and I see that I am Riddled with a hundred forms of fear Self delusion self seeking right And then I find all of that objectionable I look in my sex inventory I see there is a pattern I see I have dated the same Guy just a different body You know over and over And over again and if there's a pattern There and some of the things That I find objectionable why I got involved You know I don't have to worry about that anymore because I'm married. But there are things that I do find objectionable that keep me blocked from God. And this is my time in six when I ask God to help remove these things from me, because the book talks about casting it out, right? It doesn't say now these things are about to be worked on by you or now these Things you need to go to your therapist and talk to him about it. These things are about To be cast out. And it's funny this morning in my in my devotion, I kid you not, I opened up my devotion, and it said, love casts out all fear, and only God can cast out fear. Something like that. I was going to pull it up, but it's on my phone, and my phone's recording. But it was beautiful, and It was appropriate for tonight. So anyway, I'm going to let Pat finish on seven, so thank you. That's awesome. Yes? So let's say there's some objectionable things that I'm clinging to. You pray for the willingness to not be clinging. you continue to pray until you are willing I'm in 6 you could be in 6 sure but I can't go into 7 until when ready Pat will talk about that it says when ready so any other questions yes objectionable with ourselves objectionable with ourselves because what because the because the inventory isn't about the person in the first column it's not about them it's about us right it's about me it's my fears it's right well don't you want you don't want to cling to that then right but there are some things I know it is but there aren't but seriously like I wanted to I thought that I was ready to be rid of my mother-in-law and clinging to like the things that she did to me and i'm like okay i'm but yet i still found myself you know like like she would go everywhere with me you know what i mean and i wanted to be rid of that i thought i wanted to be right at that but it took some time everywhere with you roll mama from the train throw mama from a train okay i've done get mom out of here Leanne thank you good stuff one through six you are in a burning building okay one through seven one through six you're in a burning building step six going into step seven is jumping out of the burning building and God is saying, jump, I've got you. And you're going, it's a long way down there. And that's what we're going to be doing. So let's talk about this objectionableness, okay? Step one. Step one, do you find it objectionable, do I find it objectable today, currently, that I have a lack of control over staying stopped from drinking and that I can't control the amount? Do I find that objectionable that i had that condition absolutely do i want god to do something with it you bet do i find it objectionable that when i look at the bedevilments in my life on page 52 that with my best attempts i still screw up personal relationships i cannot control my emotional nature inside i can't stop from getting burned up getting jealous getting scared, getting in fear, getting all the stuff that goes on. My emotional nature. And I can't stop the whipsaw of misery and depression. I can'T seem to be a real usefulness. I can'T seem tobe a real helpfulness. I can''t seem to get it together to live a life that I want to live. Life's not successful. Do I find these things objectionable that with my best efforts in life, I can't pull it off to get a good result? Yes or no? I find it objectionable. Step two, do I find an objectionable that I have a lack of power in that the only hope I ever have on my own to beat all these things that I just saw in the bedevilments is some, hopefully, some newfound idea, newfound way, new human aid to try to fix my condition. How'd that work for everybody? Not so well. Do I find that objectionable? Do I fight against the fact that I find it objectionable that my mind will take me back to the insane thought that this time the drink's going to work and that I have no defense against that mental blank spot? Do I find it objectionable that I don't know what to do? Do I have any control, no power, no control, and no choice? Step three. Do I fight an objectionable and do I see that any life lived on self-will, my best ideas can hardly be called a success do I find it objectionable that I basically turn life where I live on my own power into a riot a step in the toes of my fellows I cause harm I leave baggage wherever I go I stink it up do I find that objectionable do i find it objectionable that me playing god couldn't do the very core things i needed to be okay playing god how was i being a father to myself did i keep myself safe could i eliminate all fear and feel a sense of ease and comfort inside hey it's okay daddy's here could i pull that off my own abilities how about principle how was i playing god as the principal of my life in other words i am i'm empowered as a principal to do all these things and live out this way and cause you to act and operate a certain way back to me was i able to pull that off was i able to pull it off do i have enough power to make you guys do what i wanted to do for me to be okay my answer my inventory was not so much my third column is all about how my principal activity didn't work out so well make sense how about director how'd i do as a director of my life did i find that objectionable that i couldn't get everybody to get their lines square I couldn't get everybody to come in on time, leave the scene on time and everything else on time right? I couldnít get that done did I find that objectionable? how about employer? you ever run out of resources? money time, emotions, energy psychological ability to endure one more minute of it Do I find it objectionable that I'm going to live my entire life on finite resources that are constantly going to put me in a place where self-reliance is going to fail me and drive me right back to fear, right back to the core of my problem? Do I find that objectionable? If I'm not quite convinced of playing God, fourth step takes me into the inner burning inferno of just how bad it looks. I've got to come face-to-face with what do a hundred forms of fear, self-seeking, self pity, the delusional thinking. I start to see this stuff. Do I find an objectionable? I can't even see the delusions, right? Tonight God is my witness. I don't know what my delusions are. God does. I can't on my own power find out my own delusions. Does that make sense? On my own power, I can eliminate fear. I cannot intellectualize it away. I can't make myself be at peace and at ease with you. I can't do it that's a god thing so this whole journey step one seeing my problem step two you know seeing this lack of power that's my dilemma step three seeing that me playing god is never going to work except for getting real up tight and close and personal with how it really shows up as selfishness and self-centeredness and then i can't doing a darn thing to remove it there's nothing I could do to remove that stuff oh sure, I can make it show up a little bit prettier sometimes but it's always there and do I get to a place where the tape going off of my head is saying Pat, so help me God if this continues another day I'm going to put a bullet in my mouth maybe not literally, hopefully but figuratively I start checking out i start shutting down i start withdrawing i start isolating anybody ever do that and i start putting on the act how you doing i'm fine how's it oh good i quit being authentic why because when i start detaching from god i've got to put up my stage character and it's got to last and now thoroughly am i do i find it objectionable that the stage character that I'm putting up isn't getting the job done. Step one, two, three, four, five and six is all about the realization that living on my own power is death. Make no bones about it. It is a living death. Step 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12 is about the cosmic shift in the heavens, in the universe, when each of us open up our heart to God and God comes in in a miraculous way and changes the rare fibers and cellular structure of us and we alight to a whole new being. And the result is life-changing. It's a miracle in process. what would it look like to actually start caring more about other people's needs than your own what would it look to lose interest in your own situation and gain interest in you fellows what would look like not to worry about your step column 3 issues could you imagine God really truly removing your difficulties see that's the promise So here's where I bring that up in the detail. Step three, prayer. God, I offer myself to you. I'm going to let you do what you need to do in me from here on out. I'm gonna trust that you're gonna free me from a bondage of self because I can't do it. And I'm Gonna ask you to remove the difficulties that I come face-to-face with in my step four, in that column three, with my self-esteem, my pride, my ambition, my security, my personal, my sex relations, my pocketbook. I got difficulties all over the place, God, because I'm playing God and it's not working. I don't even know where to turn. All I know is it's all jacked up. Please remove these difficulties and then victory over them. That's a promise, by the way. That's not a suggestion. Victory over them, I'm going to bear witness. That means you're going to share this message of what God has done in your life to people around you for the rest of your life. You're going take other people through this work. This is not a passive deal. You get a chance to let other people in on the secret that's happened to your life. Victory over these difficulties so you could bear witness to God's power, that's cool. How about God's connectedness to you now? It's called love. How would you like to be really connected to the people you love the most in life? I mean really connected at a deeper level than you ever even dreamed. how about the ability to look yourself in the face in the mirror and go you know what i don't hate you today i actually have some self-love if you will because it's viewed through god god's power god's love and god's way of life does that this burning building is scary it gets scarier the longer i go into it step one i am totally screwed i can't beat this disease step two i've tried to access god i've never been able to successfully do it and i'm insane and i need a power bigger than me and now it's life and death and I can't access it, how am I going to do this? Step three, I've got to quit trying to play God. All my self-reliant attempts are failing me. I'm a riot. Self-will is a riot, and I'm under the delusion that I could pull off happiness if I just manage your life and my life well. How's that working? right and then so man i'm just getting tighter and tighter and tighter inside then i go to that step four and i see all the stuff and you know some people say when they're first doing their first inventory wow is this all about me feeling really bad about myself no it's about seeing the stuff that i was afraid of all my entire life that i wanted to put away in the closet lock the door chain it barricade it so i never opened it up and we go into step four and God says, open it up. Fact find and fact face. Fearlessly go after it. There's no reason in the world to fact find and act face if there's not an answer on the other side. No reason. It is scary stuff going into step four and seeing that you couldn't have done better and that it's going to repeat itself again and again and again and again. So that fifth step, I get it all out. Sixth step, am I ready to have God remove all this stuff? Am I ready for the jump? And you know what? No one knows what's on the other side of that jump until you do it. There's no retreat. You're at the point of there's no more retreat one through six up to this point that's it man the life of living on my own power my own steam my own schemes my own thoughts trying to make it all work out it is over god scares a holy loving bejesus out of me to think about jumping into your arms since i've never done it before and you're asking me to trust you and i don't know you that well yet but you're telling me that if i do this you're going to save my sorry ass and you're gonna make it better i have no other choice there's no retreat that's what i gotta do so now that i'm ready step seven completes the prayer that started in step three. Notice in the step three prayer, it doesn't end with an amen. Step four and five and six are all done in prayer. All of that's three, four, five, and six are all down there. All done in a prayer. Seven is the culmination. My creator, I am now willing for you to have all of me Because now I know, as much as I know this time, all of me. Good and the bad. I don't even know what that looks like. Please remove from me. Don't work on it. Remove it. Anything that's standing in the way of my uselessness to you and my fellows, grant me strength as I go out from this place and do your bidding. Do what you would ask me to do. carry the vision that you put in my heart but how it looks to show up in life now with God power how does that feel that's the deal that's where we're going so that's it for the night on 6 and 7 that's what I got but that's the stuff man that's your stuff so here's what we want to leave you with Here's what I want to leave you with. If this was about self-help, leave and don't come back after two weeks. Don't even bother. It's sort of like just throw the book away, you know, it's no good. Because it ain't no self-help. But if God truly is in the business of doing miracles, then you owe it to yourself to do a thorough fifth step, sit in meditation like Leanne was suggesting in your step six. Take your inventory after you've met with your sponsor and you go through each sheet and you say, God, what do I find objectionable? By the way, don't worry about being perfect. No one ever is. I've never had a perfect inventory. I don't even know what it looks like. And I've discovered all the truth. That's why I keep on doing this work for the rest of my life. I mean, I'm tickled pink if I get a few nuggets of truth in an inventory that are really life-changing. Okay? Because I'm pretty simple-minded. So I get a couple things. I don't want to get too much that will bowl me over. So if I get A Few Nuggets of Truth and God is setting me free, it's a good world. So that meditation in six. And when you're convinced that you're ready. And by the way, I have issues where I have to ask God's help. I'll give you a real quick little Vinette story. My father was on my inventory for a long time. a long time, and he's dead now. And we ended on a great relationship. But my inventory with my dad before I finally got it reconciled, which was, and I'm not exaggerating, it was probably three weeks before he died after like 17 years. We were doing a workshop, andI was doing an example, and this was like years ago. So I go, God, I'm still sideways with my dad. I hate that mother. That guy walked out of the bed today. He did all these bad things. And I realized what I was holding on to was all the things Dad didn't do for me. And God comes to me like a bullet in the night and he says, you know what? He isn't Satan himself. Think about some of the things that he did during his life for you that weren't half bad. And at first I couldn't get anything. I mean, like for a couple weeks I couldn'T get anything and slowly they started showing up and I wrote him this six-page letter and I sent him the letter on the outside of the envelope and said, dad, please don't rip this up, read it. I didn't know if he'd read it, I sent them this letter and in six pages handwritten God recalled to me from the time I was an itty bitty little kid to the time the last time I talked to him before I had restoration in the relationship some memories that i had that were legitimate authentic cool things most of them weren't about him never a hug and that kind of stuff but it was just proud moments with dad right dad read that letter who wouldn't speak to me for all those years and the caregiver that was working with him said it was like somebody took gray out of his soul and replaced it with sunlight and he started crying and sobbing like a little kid for hours and I was flying in on business into Denver the next day when he read the letter and I didn't know if he had opened the door or even seen me so I knocked on the door and he opens up the door and he hugs me for the first time since I don't even remember the power of what we do in this room and letting God set aside in us the good and the bad and letting God demonstrate through us what he can do is completely life changing miracles await so thanks Thank you. Was this stuff helpful tonight? All right. What do y'all call it? God, in the future I would like to be a person that has sex with people that I truly care about. I want to be involved with someone that has the same values as me so that we can help each other grow together. I want us to be together. I want them to be honest and selfless, caring as much about them and their needs as me and my needs. I want to be invested in the emotional side of the relationship as in the sexual side. Please help me to keep you involved in every area of the relationship so that the relationship can prosper. Please enable me to see women as daughters of God. My name is Michelle. I'm an addict and alcoholic. God in the future, I'd like to and please help me be a person who only gets involved in romantic relationships when I'm mentally and spiritually well. That would only open myself up to being in a relationship when I am whole with myself and my ability to provide for myself financially and that I have a place of my own to live. Help me avoid temptation to latch on to others for attention, comfort, or just for physical attraction. Help me not get involved with someone who's in a committed relationship or who my friend is interested in or who that might being with this person would unfairly hurt someone else. Please help that I don't rush in but to pace the relationship but also to commit in a fair amount of time. If I'm in a non-committal zone, that I not date this person and that I be honest with myself about my level of commitment zone, right? God, help me when I'm in a relationship that would be a God-centered relationship and that while in the relationship, I take care of my mind, body, and spirit so that way I can be a better partner. Please guide me to be with someone who is healthy as well. I would like to set healthy boundaries with my partner so that I strive to abide by them. Please help that I do my best to be patient and communicate honestly and kindly with an open heart and to seek understanding that I love my partner as they are and I never try to control or change them. That I respect them and consider their feelings and that I will not yell at them or abuse them in any way. God help that I never seek comfort from another person while in a relationship. That I communicate when there are times I'm having difficulty with myself or with the relationship. And if that relationship ends, that I'll do my best to end it respectfully and that I will not trash-talk them, but I'll speak to them kindly. Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! That was pretty identical. Anybody else? Mine was actually very similar to Buddy's, especially the ending. Good evening, family. My name is Mike, a recovering addict. I put out I'll be the type of man, I'll be open and honest and honor her and her wishes if they align with God in my heart. I won't get involved with a woman who is in a relationship on any level, and once together I'll be trustworthy and faithful. I will not hide who I am or change who I'm just to be loved. I will get my love from God, and whatever we build onto that will be an expression of God's love. I'll view her as one of God children and treat her as such. All righty. Semi-alcoholic codependent. Dear God, please help me make decisions about sex and relationships based on reality, not fantasy. Please help me acknowledge the need, heed the warning signs that you send to me that my partner is physically, mentally, or spiritually unavailable to me. Help me avoid the fear of being alone and rejected and trust that you are my only matchmaker. Please help me to bring God-consciousness into my relationship. I do not want to be with someone that I'm not fully spiritually connected to. Please guide me with my understanding that I am not defective and I should do your will, not mine. Please help Me avoid temptation to control others with attention, affection, love, or sex. Please helpMe to express Myself in a loving, tender, compassionate, and patient, underlined manner, not in desperation of companionship please help me to resist sacrificing my morals values and self-worth for the sake of any relationship with friendships and romantic thank you for showing me that my value does not depend on another's ability to see my worth also pointing out that it's not my role to fix a lover and that if i do i'm playing god i will not express my sexuality in order to be validated by his sexual responsiveness to me. God has shown me that it is not pain that I avoid, I can endure an alarming amount of pain. It's the unknown. When I am one with God, I have suffered no lack of affection or love. And God, you will provide me with acceptance, guidance, solace, serenity, grace and healing. I desire also from a loving partner. A man's or a married... Change my mind, Ben. Change my might about you? I need it. I've got some shit I'm trying to work through that's objectionable. Any guys want to do a sex inventory? Not the sex inventory, the sex ID. All the guys are like half a page. All right, fine. My sexual ideal is i don't know if you're star trek fan but seven of nine who are you i'm rich and i'm a recovered alcoholic but um i don'T KNOW LIKE IT IT WAS THE BORG AND THEY THEY YOU KNOW SHE GREW UP AND SHE COULDN'T LIE TO ANYBODY BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL THEIR MINDS WERE CONNECTED AND UH HER CHARACTER IS IS SHE'S JUST SO HONEST AND AND YOU KNOW EMOTIONALLY AND And it's almost like robotic and stupid, but I would like to be able to share and be open with every aspect of my life on a comfortable basis and not have to go back six times and say, well, that's not really what I meant and just be able just to be fully open to that honesty in every, you know, of who I am. Anyone else? Tiffany wants to read her story. You need a glass? She raised her hand. Who did? Yeah, come on. Tiffany. Tiffany, you want to read yours? Come on, Tiffany. Come on. Here we go. here we go all right i did raise my hand but then i heard everybody's and then i felt like a loser especially overachiever over here hi tiffany and i'm an alcoholic okay dear god my love letter to you on my sex ideal is that the next man i have sex with be my husband i pray that this I pray that this be thy will, not mine on whom my husband may be. My sex ideal will be with someone who loves me and I in return. My body is your temple, and I want sex to be the bond that ties together my husband and I. At this point in my life, my sex ideal will be the blessing I will receive from a covenant made with my husband. sex will be intimacy with my husband and nobody else i will no longer view sex as a self-seeking pleasure leverage or something that will hurt others i pray that when i am weak in this area you keep me strong and teach me how to establish healthy boundaries have clean desires and walk and strength. Amen. So one of the questions I asked people, if we asked you to write a sex ideal while we were in step one it would have looked a lot different and that is the miracle of doing this work and going through this inventory like we do and writing an inventory and writing our sex inventory and everything. It's amazing what comes out of this, and that is truly from God because I don't think that any of us would have been able to write something like that without God helping us write it down. So that's definitely so good. It's definitely something that has to come from above because I would have never written a sex idea like that had I not done the work this way. Okay, all right. So, beautiful, all of you. So here's how it's going to look. Pat talked about it at the beginning. I'm just going to reiterate. We are off for how many weeks? Two weeks. All right, very good. During that time, you're going to do what? Fifth steps. Fifth steps, okay. After you've done your fifth step and you're going to also do what, two steps after that, six and seven? When you're done with six and six, six and five and seven, what I recommend that you do is call the person that you read that, did your fifth-step with, call them and let them know, I've completed six and seven, just kind of like a, I do that just kind of like to let them know where I'm at. Because then once you've completed that, what we want you to do before we meet in two weeks, three weeks really, right? When we meet In three weeks, bottom of page on the sponsorship guide, page nine, where it says, see when you've completed step seven and get in touch with your sponsor. sorry I just said that. And then D, go over page 81 in the BBA with them. E, have them make a list. Okay, so now you're going to make a listen. This is on assignment 20. At the bottom of assignment 20, alright? Have them make a list, basically you're gonna start with your fourth step. And this is after 6 and 7? After 6 and seven. Okay. Okay don't do this until you've done 6 and7 because basically what you're doing is you're step 8 right now, you're making a list from uh from from your fourth step in prayer asking if there are any others not on the fourth step as per page 81 of the bba so in other words you're going to start with your resentment inventories for your list all the people that you may owe amends to may not be from a resentment come from the resentment inventory so you're gonna look outside the resentment inventory like for instance if i stole something from somebody i don't have a resentment with them right? So I have to look and see, do I owe that person an amends, right? Or if I was mean to somebody or said something, but I don't have a, but they're not on my resentment inventory or my sex inventory. I haveと look around my situation in my life to see if there's anybody outside of my four-step that made me to be on that list. Now, I want you to know something first. Don't think that you're going to owe every single person an amendes, all right? We're going to get more into that. I just, just make the list. Okay. Just start off with the list because typically you're going to own amends to most of those people, but not everybody. So don't freak out. Okay? Just make the fucking list like Tyler would say. Put them on cards so you could put each one on a card, each person on a car. That's the easiest way. The reason why we have you do that, I believe maybe this is why Dan Sherman did it, is because there are some that you're going to owe amends and some that your going to rip up and you're not going to know what amends too because we don't want you going out there making stupid amends and we'll talk more about that in a couple weeks you know what i mean because there are some stupid amens like there really are all right and then and then it says do the plus and the minus meditation you know what just don't don't you don't need to worry about that right now just make the list get and make a list and then put each person or institution or whatever it is on a card alright and then when we meet you'll bring that list of those cards with you so you're going to bring some index cards with you when we meet again in three weeks okay everybody good? alright let's pray it out oh yeah we got this money oh yeah hold on a second so I'm going to bring dinner for our last unless somebody else yeah filipino food i don't i yeah but he got someone else got that right you want to bring some filipeno food oh my god it was so good and that's this is coming from a filipano it was really good okay on the 20th yeah that'd be great filipiano food on the 28th Ponce de Lumpia, what else? Adobo? Ponce De Lumpio, vegetarian Lumpias. And fried rice. Okay, so wait, let's let the basket is going around right now. The basket is for our dinner next week, in a couple weeks. So good! It's so funny because I was at this thing and the guy came up to me and said, and I was just like I want to do that so bad and I wanted to ask him seriously it seems like it would be a SNL skit I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen. Stay! Okay, I have a question, I've got a question. What a good crew! Question, question, question. A good crew. It's such a young thing to do. Hold on, let me make sure I do this right.