Service and the 12th Step – 12 Steps and Service Workshop – Part 4 of 6 – Don P. and Jerry E – Don Pritts and Jerry E

All most people ever want is for me to come and say I was wrong. They've been waiting for years to hear me just say that. Then you're pretty much on your own. Get on about it. If you wish, I will show you how I do the tenth step as soon as this. Tenth and eleventh and twelfth step kind of overlap, particularly the tenth and eleventh. I do not spend a whole lot of time showing people how to meditate. You really don't want to try what I do today. it's different than what I did last month it's been different all along the way I will share that with you if you wish but you're kind of on your own now as far as this program goes now you and I together will go out seeking I take one of the guys I sponsor to a prison meeting that I'm committed to third Tuesday of every month we drive for two hours talk to the lunatics for an hour and drive two hours back home. He's getting exposed to that. I take them through assemblies, I talk to them. We have a traditions and concepts meeting at my house every Wednesday night at 5 30. And we're going to go through that. They need to see the whole scope of the deal. I've become what's known as an elder statesman in service. I think I'm just a cranky understatesman my voice is heard through the people that I sponsor the very nature of the fact that I became a trustee and did all this public stuff I didn't get any prestige from it but you all think I did the people at the assembly think I am all knowing so we got a problem when I show up in an assembly there's a group of people who believe if I say it, it's gospel. There's another group of people who think if I said it, it's got to be bullshit. So I found out how to be really effective is to send ten people that I've been working with there and my voice is heard ten times and nobody knows I said it. not that I don't go to assemblies but not much anymore I'm still very active in general service and if I sponsor you, you must know that I will expose you to it you may not fit in general services you may fit in some other kind of service I'm like Tom service is where the rich part of recovery comes I know what I'm supposed to do here and out today with you guys. My real responsibility, my real job is to make sure that after I'm dead and gone 50 years from now, whoever comes through that door gets the same shot I did. That means I have to stay actively involved in serving the fellowship as a whole beyond anything that I want. I just finished taking on general service. People I love dearly. Some of them are really mad at me. And I don't care. This fourth edition big book has a statement in it that's so outrageous I could not sit at home and not say something about it. In the foreword to the fourth edition of the big book, there's a statement that says fundamentally the only difference between an electronic meeting and a home group around the corner is on a format. How many people are going to get killed by that one? So don't worry about it, it's been taken out. five people that's all it took was five people to write a letter saying this is outrageous put this on the agenda let's let the conference see this I don't think they're going to like it maybe right or wrong as a sponsor and as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous I don' t care how it goes the end result really truly doesn' t matter What matters is that we keep talking about things. This fellowship will survive only as long as we're all talking about this. And the longer we talk, the better chance we have of surviving it. If you need to vote, you haven't talked long enough. Okay? And the stuff we did in the 80s that solved all the problems are brand new problems again. We're trying to solve them all over again. That's as it should be. Each new group of people needs to re-solve the problems. We don't want solutions, we want resolutions. Constantly bring them in. Our group inventory covers that. The group I belong to had a closed meeting. I frankly think it should be an open meeting. So at every group inventory I brought up let's open it up and one of the guys that sponsored said no, let's keep it closed. And we engaged in the battle because the new people who would come during that period of time weren't part of the decision. They need to be part of the decision, okay? You become part of my family if you wish. You know my wife, you know my children. We get together in my backyard. You don't have to clean up dog crap because we don't have a dog. But we get together and we become part of Alcoholics Anonymous in our respective occupations, homes, and affairs. This is where it really happens. Gathering in the backyard. Some of you know about our Fellowship of the Spirit conference every year. It's held up right around 10,000 feet. It starts on Thursdays. So on Wednesday night, we hold a pop-up. Both so you can all get together, mainly so you could stay at 5,000 foot for a while so when you get to $10,000 you're not going to get oxygen. Depletion is sick and we get the benefit. The main thing sponsorship does is for me I'm constantly addressing my own alcoholism and I'm never very far away from it. I'm explaining to you what happened to me back in 1953 and in 66 and in 67 and it's fresh to me. I challenge every week, I challenge maybe I'm not an alcoholic because that's one of those rocks that there's a worm under in everybody's head. It's wonderful because I get to go through this thing over and over and I've made a host of friends. It's embarrassing where I go. When we take a vacation we can't tell people where we're going. Everybody gets hurt because they want us to come stay at their house. I love you but I don't want to stay at your house that's why I bought that van I'm going to go camping except for Broussard's I like BrousSard's got a lake out back and we can go fishing in the morning at 6 catch a sock of late perch and have it for breakfast I'll stay with Bobby mentor and protege more defines it now if we can understand that's what I mean by sponsorship then we can use the word And it's that way with many things in Alcoholics Anonymous today. The words have no meanings because they have too many meanings. I was at a meeting probably 15 years ago when it first hit me, and I started my little personal thing about not becoming ritualized. A lady was sharing in a meeting, and it was a good sharing. She came to the place, she said, I had this particular problem, I did a quick tenth and it's over. It's gone. It moved on. I said, whoa, wait a minute. What did she just say? She did a quick tenth. What the hell is a quick 10th? Now, I've been around a while. I know she meant she had done a 10-step inventory. What the hill does that mean? Did she do it the way the big book shows, the way Hazleton shows, the way some weird way? And if I'm a new person, what the hell's a quick ten? And I began to try not to get into the lingo but to describe the experience because you had to convince me I didn't trust anybody I stayed here because I watched these three guys after the school that talked so good and sounded so good I watched them on the yard and I watched him on the tears and I watching as they moved through that penitentiary I watched unselfish courage demonstrated by my sponsor, they were messing with our school one time And this was a shocker. This guy was cool. He was spiritual and never got upset by anything, and he was doing life. And all of a sudden the administration decides they're going to mess with our study school. And he freaked out. He got mad. That's what he did. He said, I'm going to go see Wilson, who was the associate warden of treatment. And he stomped down the stairs and headed for the warden's office. And I know he's headed for The Holds where he's at. you don't go stomping into the warden's office raising hell he's got a number on your chest he's going to the hole some period of time passed and he came back and he was happy and they quit messing with him somehow I understood I had just seen true courage in action it would have been so much easier for him to just say let it go then he wouldn't have to tie up Saturday and Sunday anymore he didn't need that thing for himself he did this for us he became a spokesman for those who had no voice and risked going to the hole and having all his privileges taken away from us that's the kind of courage I want that's kind of courage that I must have because I'm going to be asked along the way to go places that are really scary like church basements and Masonic halls The safest place I've ever been in town was at Harnett. I was in the middle of a, it's kind of a maximum minimum maximum security prison. The fences are all over the damn place. They don't want anybody out. And I'm in the center of it at night and my mother and I have been talking. My mother gets nervous because I do a lot of prison work I remind her, Mom, my time to get nervous is when I was one, not now. And I'm standing surrounded by the bad guys in the middle of the night. And a feeling came over me that I was in the safest place that I've ever been in the world. Nothing could happen to me there. So what? I want people to experience what I've experienced. I don't want you to have my experience, but I want to expose you to my experience. That kind of covers it. As you are where you are, that's all I'll take you. Whatever you want to do, do it. I actually have people come to me after I've shown them how to write inventory and they didn't write it that way. And I listen to them anyway. How do I care? This is the best way. They'll get back to this eventually. The big thing is they made an effort, and who the hell am I to diminish that effort? So I'll listen. I'll just listen. Nothing else to do. I'm retired. The reason that I've been able to do what I've be able to is because of sponsorship. When I was trustee, I was gone 50 weekends a month, many times during the week. 50 weekends at once? No, 50 weekends. That's what it felt like, Tom. No, I've never been so busy in my life. And at that time, all of a sudden, I had no less than five people I'm taking to the big one. I'm thinking, this is an overload, God. What the hell are you doing to me? Until I realized the reason I was able to do this other stuff was because I did this every morning. I shared my experience with a new person and helped them along the way. And that's why this job could be done. Without that, it's nothing. I get very disturbed when I hear service people say, well, I'm getting ready to rotate, so I think I'll go back to my group and make coffee. If you have to go back in your group, you're in trouble. And they don't let me make coffee, I make Navy coffee. Even spoons won't stand up if you want to see the hair just spurt out. I don't want to just wander on this if you're in service and you leave your group to do service let service replace your group activity neutral you need to be a member of your group and then serve from there not the other way around I've seen people who let service become their recovery. They're really hard to be around. For me, it depends on what you ask me about. Long-distance sponsorship. If this sponsor lives in Pennsylvania, how do I look on that rather than one-to-one? It's very difficult, for one thing. If the piece of sponsorship is me taking you through the step work, we have to do that one-on-one. That can't be done long distance effectively. If the sponsorship relationship is one of two peers who are needing a mentor or... I mean, I've gone some places you haven't gone and you're ready to go. We can do that on the telephone. I can sponsor people when we're talking about principles on the phone. But the step work has to be done face-to-face for me. It just doesn't work any other way. The rest of it, yeah, there's no problem with that. I have mentors too, by the way. I had a lot of different kinds of sponsors I've had. When I came out of the penitentiary, a little guy named Harry, I asked him to sponsor me. For one reason, Harry was elegant. Harry knew how to behave in one society. And I'm not stupid, and I wasn't raised in a hut somewhere. But in addition to his program, Harry took me to plays, to the symphony. He took me on the Broadmoor, where there's more silverware than anybody could ever use. Taught me how to behave in that environment. Gave me that really simple thing. How do you know which one to use? Well, you start from here and then work your way in. Geez, that's fun. Harry died of an overdose because Harry didn't like to use the program. But he was very good for me. Taught him some things. One of my other sponsors, he and I became such close friends within two weeks they fired him. as my sponsor, and we've been co-sponsoring each other for years. Let me mention one thing about the geographic thing. I mentioned earlier that as you get older in the program, finding somebody that fits the criteria becomes a real challenge. The last time I needed a sponsor was when my guy developed Alzheimer's and I had a little bit of lead time. I just started drawing circles about who was in catchment areas. I hit pay dirt 3,000 miles away. And I would prefer having somebody in my home group. But it's a matter of what are you going to compromise? And so in those cases, certainly there are times when I sponsor people in many parts of the country. I make it a point to avoid people in early recovery, like God was talking about, because it is tremendously important to have immediate access, to have that accountable relationship type thing. I wouldn't begin to take on somebody in early recover. But it's one of those things that becomes a necessity. Like right now, my sponsor is probably going to outlive me. but he may not and I already know who my next one will be if I have to now he doesn't know it nobody knows it but I know it because I don't want to be that one it's not because I'm hanging off a cliff it's just a part of what makes me a whole member and so when you get to this point you have to think that way otherwise you're going to be compromising something that's not compromised Let me mention one other thing for what it's worth. The thing that Don just described is a wonderful, ideal way to work with somebody going through the program. For a long time, I was really frustrated with the revolving door in AA, was just watching people come through here and not even get in touch much and just going back out. I was really hunting for some ways to more effectively grab folk and work with them. I was looking for anything. I've done taking people through steps a lot of ways. One-on-one, do it 14 weeks, you name it. I've tried it. All of them work to some extent. And then one day, in fact, Don and I He kept telling me about something he was doing that made sense, but I'm a kind of a visual person. I said, why don't you show me what you're talking about? And we sat down, literally sat down in the corridor of a hotel and grabbed four or five other outstanding alcoholics and pulled them in. And I know you remember. He just opened the book, and he said, well, here's what we do. and opened the book, read a sentence, and I had to break up the meeting because we just got going with the thing. It was that simple. And at that point, that made sense to me that you could take a group of people and do what he's talking about and you could do it in a group setting. And so I started... He was my mentor then and so I didn't have a clue about what you did other than hotel quarter And so when I had something I wanted to discuss, I'd get on the phone and say, now what do you know about this? And he'd tell me and we'd do it. Well, I've been doing that for several years now. I'm not a magic bullet thinker. I know better than that. But in all the years that we've beendoing that, we've never had a single person who's gone through the whole experience who's drunk again. Now, I'mnot a magic-bullet guy, But I do believe that it's almost impossible to get drunk if I follow this thing the way it's laid out and practice it. So, I think it's a powerful kind of a thing. Two reasons I've just mentioned that I really like about that. One is that I'm a pretty heavily committed guy too. I've got an awful lot of things that I've involved in, all of which are important. and so I have to fight for how to deal with the people I want to deal with and so this group approach really makes something realistic for me that otherwise wouldn't be I just can't afford time at this point to do the one on one and in all honesty if I had the luxury of time I would not do it the one-on-one, I do it in group. Because what I find is that the group magnifies the power and that you never know whose experience is going to be really meaningful. So periodically, I just finished one last year and a half and so I just periodically do it with people I'm sponsoring and others that might want to join in. The last one, a year and half we finished with 30 people and that's just incredible to me that gee whiz you couldn't think drunk could stand still that long much less make that kind of commitment so there are a lot of ways to do stuff and I'll always be grateful for that one because they've made a tremendous difference with a lot people you know where that came from? where? Max Shearer who was sponsored by his sponsor it's all here anyway it's a small family let's spend just yeah go ahead I'll just make a real brief comment I don't dismiss anything the that sponsorship like Donald was saying covers a multitude of sins and it doesn't mean you know they're all variations of sponsorship certainly the kind we've been talking about, classic sponsorship, where it's that one-on-one with Mr. Wonderful. That's the Cadillac. But in this day and time, we get an awful lot of people that almost overwhelm the resource. And so I think temporary sponsorship can serve a purpose. In our group, we do it. We make it available. What we encourage is that we do it for a set period of time, 60 days. And the function during that 60 days is to help the person get prepared to engage in sponsorship sooner the better. And at the end of 60 days, it concludes either with permanent sponsorship or movement toward that. And in the course of it, what we do is just the obvious stuff. We show them how to get to meetings, give them access to somebody they can comfortably call. So I think there's utility for it. We changed the words on a mic because we looked at that as an area because this was coming out of prisons and treatment. and the sponsorship relationship is almost a holy thing it's a spiritual thing it's not temporary so we change the word to temporary contact and the function is the same you get a contact then you get exposed to the fellowship in your area then you find a sponsor this contact will be your guide to your heart that eliminates that confusion that I'm being sponsored when I'm not good point Let me read a couple of quick things here, and then back to Tom. These are descriptions of a sponsor. Shift it when you get through and go into that medication thing a little bit. Okay. We search our acquaintance for a closed-mouthed, understanding friend. I'm on page 74, but I'm skipping. You know I've got to keep up with me. It is important that you be able to keep a confidence if they fully understand and approve of what we're driving at, then he will not try to change our plan. There are some of the descriptive elements of sponsorship. Close mouth, keep a conscience. I lost a sponsor once because I came to him in the midst of a genuine crisis, told him some things. He saved my life because after telling me about it, he said, that's insane. Go back and rescue your children. And so I did. In absolute confidence. It's something I talked about from the podium today. At that time, it was necessary that it not be. Anyway, I got back to town and I heard all about it. What he has done has made it impossible for me to ever tell him anything that I think needs to be kept in confidence. And that changes. But at the moment, I must be very careful not to pass on what you tell me in confidence and it may seem silly to me that you need to have that quiet but I don't care I'm not going to talk about it the medication thing is oh God some people need certain kinds of medication true manic depressive people from my own experience in the field and knowing some of it Some of them are helped by lithium, which is something that your body produces. And if it doesn't, then you need to take it. We've got a lot of old-time members who need that. It's chemical imbalance. The doctor I learned about it from said if you need it, it works. If you don't, you get toxic within days. And that's how they find out whether you need or not. In fact, that's all doctors find out, whether you needed anything or not Today's new medications need adjusted on a regular basis. I'll put it this way. My problem with people taking medication, particularly for depression, is that I can't work with them. Not that I won't, but I can. My experience is they can't show up. Even if they show up in the room, they can still be there. They can't really show up? Feelings are deadened. That's what this stuff is all about. and so we don't go anywhere. And I'm more than willing. I have dear, close friends who have to take certain kinds of medication. It almost always comes back to lithium. I personally believe, and this is just my belief from watching over the years and listening to my wife, who is a 30-year nurse, Prozac is one of the most dangerous drugs any alcoholic can take, period. I've watched nothing but devastation with that. I won't say get off of it. I think we're in bad shape if we tell people to get off the medication. We've killed some people here doing that. They need it, they need it. But if you're taking it, I will tell you this. The day is going to come, if you are here, where you will need to make that decision. The one case that I love the most about it, God works nicely with me. He softens me and gives me views. A little Monica up in Minnesota took on a little 18-year-old girl as a newcomer. And it wasn't very long until we discovered that this girl had 102 personalities. She had been raised in a satanic cult. Fragmented. She was on some really heavy-duty psychotropics and antidepressants and all kinds of stuff. And we just worked. One of the things Monica did was teach her how to have a good conscience. I'm serious, it helped. The psychiatrist was trying to get her integrated, and Monica just told her how she knew it. Let everybody talk. This is so real that one of the 14-year-olds who comes out burns himself with cigarettes when he's out. When he goes back in, the burn goes away. This is some real stuff. Anyway, this girl came to God as either everything or nothing in a long process it took. Eight of the personalities are alcoholic, by the way, so far. came to God as everything or nothing did her own praying, her own inner searching went to her psychiatrist and said I'm through no more psychiatry, no more medication scared all of us because no withdrawal either she functions is a very fine member of her community today, she's in her 20s does really well is fully the personality Personalities' shifts are still there, but she's not distressed by them anymore. She knows who she is and she knows who each of them are, and slowly she's getting better and better and bitter. But she got off her medication because it came from inside. Whatever that process was, I don't know, but it worked. The scariest time of all was when one of the personalities didn't know for sure whether they were alcoholic and wanted to take the test. We know she's an alcoholic And we know seven of the others are too So what are you going to do there? Okay She had group conscience All eight of the alcoholics said We understand We're going away While you take the test It wouldn't be good for us You take it And I don't understand any of this. I'm just reporting to you what happened. This particular personality did some controlled drinking, and it worked just fine. And when that was all over, the rest of them came home. And I Don't Know How That Works, but all I can tell you is regarding the medication, she survived it. We had a kid on methadone one time, 100 milligram methadol. This is an eight or ten week withdrawal, if you're lucky. He made the same choice. This is all or nothing. I'll take whatever heat there is. We had a friend out on a farm, a dog farm, out in the country. We figured that's a good place because when he screams and yells, the dogs won't care. Three days of mild discomfort is all he had. And it was over. Had another kid on the same dosage It took 10 years. Could not get past that fifth and sixth day. Couldn't have. So I'm watching this, and I want to be careful not to diagnose, but I'm very, very suspicious. I work with a psychiatrist, and he said the main problem that he sees, and he's an alcoholic, any confident psychiatrist dealing with alcoholics in their first six months of sobriety would have to necessarily label them as manic-depressive. In our meetings, we just call them wound swings. And if they're competent, that's all they'd have to do. He said the problem is we as psychiatrists immediately begin to throw drugs at it so they don't get to finish it up. So he's working hard now in the field to say let's let this stretch a little bit before we put him on medication. They may need it later. Some people do. The lessons don't automatically dedicate. The ones I have trouble with are the ones who are self-medicating. I don't feel good, so I'm going to find a doctor and he'll tell me what I want to hear and start taking these things. And the only trouble I have with that is I can't work with it. They don't show up. That's my own experience with it, Tom. We've dealt with a lot of it. We're finding a new thing you might want to watch. we found in the corrections particularly a large increase of amphetamine abusers and in tracking their histories back we found that they were once children on Ritalin and then it took them off of Ritaline and now these kids are self medicating because Ritalan is an upper it takes hyperactive kids and slows them down these guys don't get screaming goofy on amphetamines that calms them down. Watch for them. You're going to run into them. Let me just mention a couple of things that, well, one, if you really want to get hold of some information that I think is sound and solid from the professional field but fits an AA perspective, there's a guy by the name of Stanley Gitlow, G-I-T-L-O-W. And he's an internist from New York and Ross probably, I don't know if he has some tapes by him. He has a number of tapes that are out. Stanley Gitlaw. Do you have anything by hand? If you know how to get in touch with Dicoby, he can tell you how to gets in touch with Dikoby. They've got Gitlow tapes. and this guy does as fine a job as anybody I've ever seen of discerning that thing Don was talking about the sort of false diagnosis stuff one thing he says in his talk about that is that he will not make a secondary diagnosis you know like it's so common now when somebody goes to treatment they get a barrel full of diagnosis when they walk in He says he wouldn't even consider a second diagnosis until two years of sobriety because the false effects of what's happening are so misleading that you get these diagnoses that a guy has to live with for a long time. So Gitlo is a really good source if you want some outside objective information, best I've seen from an AA standpoint. The other thing that to me is awfully important is for us to remember who we are. And there is a lot of tricky ground in this whole business of dealing with folks with medication. And just as Don said, it can be tremendously dangerous to start yanking around something in an area where it may be life-threatening to a person. I think it's awfully important to remember who we are. Now, there are two things that I would point out that are kind of important for me to think about. When I'm working with somebody, I want to know from my just layman standpoint about the level of disability. You know, if I'mworking with somebody what I wantto see is whether they can actually track what we're doing. And if they can't track whatwe're doing, what's the point? and if you were there last night at the meeting and I told that kind of wild story very true story about the guy who came in and was so wild and nervous and I put him to painting a painting wall because if I had tried to talk with that guy or sit him down and get into any kind of stuff what a waste of time so I started with him where he was and let him work out his sort of wild and crazy gyrations. And then he settled in and became a solid AA member. Twenty-five years later, the guy's still sober. It doesn't mean that he was a hopeless case just because he came in zonked out of his mind. Sort of helping him work through that thing, get rid of that, and then he could go to work. And I think that's kind of important to keep in mind. If somebody is clearly out to lunch, I need to wait until there's somebody home before I start beating on the door. That's just plain old common sense. And the other thing is how to deal with it. What I do with my guys that I'm working with, when I know that they've got a prescribed medication, I set up a deal with them to negotiate with their doc about how to come off of it. If they can. Some people can't, but if they can, that's between the patient and the doc. And if I start messing around in it, what I'll do is mess it up big time. And it's extremely, extremely dangerous ground. One reason I think that's such an important issue, there are places, like he's talking about, we get around a little bit, And there are places in this country where there's a kind of local ethic in place that if somebody is on medication, the sponsor tells them that they have to get a new sobriety date. Well, that may not be mandating what to do about the thing, but think what pressure that puts on somebody. If you've got somebody that's hanging on by an eyelash and you give them something like that, that's a dangerous place to be. because I think there's some real, real reason for concern, some real reason for being realistic about who we are. We're fellow alcoholics and what we can help somebody do better than anybody in the world is to find recovery when they're in shape to be able to engage in a process and sometimes we have to step back and let them get through with whatever critical care they're undergoing before we can really start working with them. Doesn't mean that we can't you know, do the best we can with them. But we just don't need to start trying to get down to some nitty-gritty work and doing four steps and all that. You know, you've got to wait a while for that. So it is a tremendously, tremendously important area that can... I have personally didn't observe a suicide, but I have certainly been associated with cases where this kind of stuff got out of hand and there were actual suicides because of some kind of a sloppy intrusion in something where we had no business. So it's not nickel-and-dime stuff. It's about people's lives, and I think we have to take it very seriously. Sometimes all we can do for long periods of time, like with Chuck, is just love him and accept him. I'm going to set a standard. One last story about medication. Last October I had some surgery, and I know for a fact that when you go into the hospital you're at the mercy of well-meaning doctors I didn't pray to be protected because I know I am protected went in, the surgery went fine it was pretty weird I had a spinal block and I was awake and then I was asleep and then i was awake and I went to sleep with my legs like this and I'm back in recovery and my legs are like this I know they're there because I can see them, but in my head they're like this. The doc says, that's because the last time you were in touch with them, that's where they were until you feel them again. That's where we've got to stay. Went home. It was so successful. I went on home. Two-thirds of the morning they had to rush me back. I'm in bad shape. I started clotting and bleeding. We're back in the ER. and they're doing extraordinary procedures and all of a sudden my head went I said, what did you do? She said, well I just gave you a shot of morphine. So I threw up, that's appropriate. They go back to extraordinary procedures And about 20 minutes later, I said, did you just give me another shot of morphine? She said, yes. I said well you can stop, it isn't going to do any good. All I was doing was, so I'm not a drug addict. It's not going to have any effect, quit. The nurses apologizing, the one I remember most, they were all lovely people, I learned about kindness. The one I remember the most, though, is the one who has hurt me the worst, saying sweetie, I'm sorry I'm torturing you. I want her to say, sweetie, shit. Call me sweetie. What I remember the most what did me the most good was this. people are in crisis that was an awfully good session that Donald did this morning extremely well done I don't think I've ever heard a mens dealt with in a more sound spiritual kind of way and that whole process of restoration that comes out of that was good. And it does set up well for where I'd kind of like to lead us toward this morning. What he was talking about was that thing of getting ready to engage in life and he gave a lot of examples of how to do it. And I'd like to kind of focus around the last three steps of the program and particularly in terms of how that gets us into the business of living. Some people refer to those steps as maintenance steps. I don't, but I think they are tremendous action steps that spell out a real route and a direction for putting the program into maximum use. And let me just stick one little thought in your mind to worry you around a little bit. We used it last night in the discussion we had at meeting after the meeting, and it sort of has some meaning for me. And it's about, some people would call it thinking out of the box, But I like to think of the idea as thinking beyond the circle of my personal magic. Thinking beyond the cycle of, you know, so often we look at things in terms of what I believe, what I feel, what I do, how I work with somebody. And if we're going to really be effective in trying to be of maximum service to God and those around us, I believe that we have to get beyond that circle of personal magic of just what I personally do and start seeing how the fellowship as a whole, the group as a full, are part and parcel of what my effectiveness will be about. If I think of it only in terms of what I personally do, it'll be an extremely limited thing. And so I have to find ways to get locked in and married in to the things that make that effectiveness grow. And so just keep that in mind a little bit as we're going along. I'm not sure exactly how this is spelled out. I don't have it written up. But I want to get into some tangible issues that have to do with making that stuff happen. you know I like to just kind of hit the steps and then we'll get in it the 10 step to me is it does a number of things one I think one of the basic functions of the 10 step is slip prevention and it has a way of assuring that I'm on solid ground doing what I'm supposed to do so that I stay constantly aware of what's happening and don't let those things start cropping up that rob me of my sobriety, of my peace of mind, of my well-being. So it has a very practical value in that. To me, it also has a tremendous value in terms of taking a look at how I'm plugging this way of life into being a way of light. What I do at a practical level is when I review, normally at the end of a day I review what that day's been And the emphasis is looking for places where we were wrong Where we've got some stuff that we need to straighten out But I think written into that very heavily is the notion of taking stock of what was right as well And so today, when I do that at the end of my day, it's a rare day when I am not absolutely overwhelmed with the tremendous things that have happened in my life just by practicing the principles. And my buddy Steve back there is probably as much a past master at doing what I'm talking about as anybody I know. and it's just simply loosening up and trying to add a little something to the people around us. Don was talking about it a little bit that when I'm focused on doing things for other people, mine is a given that I absolutely can't give. I can't get more than I get. Let me tell you just a couple of things of what I'm talking about. And this is daily stuff. This is not once in a while. This is daily stuff that comes from just simply being free to be responsive to opportunities to be of service. I start my day normally, I don't have a rote prayer, but I basically start my days by asking God to help me go through the day in a way that would seem worthy of the gift I've been given. That tells me what kind of an attitude I want to have. And then, very importantly, to be sensitive to opportunities to be of service. Because, my God, they're everywhere, but often I don't see them. I don' t look at them. If I see them, I don''t acknowledge them. And so what I want to do is be sensitive to opportunities to be of service and they're everywhere. And like, I'll tell you one thing that I ran into that But just a couple of examples. There's a place where I used to, when I was working, I'm unemployed now, but when I was working and before I started loafing, I used to go for lunch, I either go full bore or not at all. And once in a while, I would slip next door to another office building and get some emergency rations. You know, just some little grilled cheese sandwich or something just to sort of keep the wolf out. And one day I went over there and went into the place, and there was a little mousy girl that was working, and she looked like she had been beaten by every weapon known to man. I mean, she just was a beat-up, disheveled little gal. And she needed somebody just to soort of lift it up a little bit. I was there. I figured I'd do it. And so I just started messing with her a little bit, you know, just playing a little about stuff and I don't know what, didn't matter what, just any human interaction was good news to her because it didn't look like she'd had any for a good while. And we just started doing our thing and she said, well, what do you want? I said, tuna sandwich. And I like tuna pretty good. And it's a good thing because When she fixed that tuna sandwich, I mean, that sucker was running off the plate. I had tuna on me. I mean she just got carried away with that thing. And that was her way of responding. Now I'm not looking for an overdose of tuna. I'm just trying to help a little gal out. But you know the point is that you can't give away more than you get. And about six months later, I went back over there for another dose. She was still there. And when I walked in the door, you would have thought that the guy from the $10 million sweepstakes walked in because she still starts grinning. And she grabs that bread and starts... I wanted a ham sandwich. but that's what happens if I just turn loose and sort of engage in the business of living and try to be of service just lighten it up for somebody whoever it is amazing what happens that what happens is that the world I live in becomes a different place if I let myself do it I could start being anxious about the world I live in, because I live in the same world everybody lives in. And most people tend to sense a real hostility and a lack of civility. Now, I know it's there. Once in a while, I'll run into a jerk, but I've got enough sense to get away from him. And most of the time, what I run into is incredibly good folks who respond well to decent treatment. Like Donald, I spend a lot of time in airports and I don't like it one bit. The fun went out of flying for me a little over 30 years ago and so I have absolutely no joy in that activity. And since the stuff has happened and security nightmares started to happen, I enjoy it even less. So it's not a pleasant thing. I know the first weekend after the New York thing, I went to the airport prepared for the worst and I wasn't prepared enough because it was worse than I expected. And so I went in there and it was just pure bedlam. I mean, it took an hour to get in the terminal, never mind on the plane. And when I was in line, I was watching a little gal. Well, little gal is not the right term, but it was a lady. And she, if you thought we had trouble, you should have seen what she was doing. This gal was having to handle every passenger who were routinely disgruntled. They were already mad about being marched around with an Uzi. And she had to not only handle the people, Then she had to take the suitcase or cases and carry it a considerable distance and search the thing, then search the people while there's somebody else getting mad at the counter. And this girl was sweating, I mean, big time. And so I got up to her and I said, My God, girl, you look like you're not having a whole lot of fun with this thing. Why don't you work on to quitting time and take the rest of the day off? And she said, you bet I will. And I ain't going to be here tomorrow either. I'm going on vacation. You go, girl. That's exactly what you ought to do. Well, I was just messing around with her, you know. And so we get through with that. She finally met somebody that wasn't bad. And so, we just had a nice little deal there. And I started walking away. And she called out to me. She said, hey, wait a minute. Come back. And I went back. Now, I'm talking about a nuthouse scene. She kicked me to first class. Most people couldn't even get on the plane. But she kicked me. Now,I can just imagine whoever this New York businessman was that said, We're full in first class, you've got to move to coach. I didn't look for him at all. But you see what I'm telling you? And that's not manipulation. It's just what happens when I do things that, for no real reason other than to just practice these principles in the way I live. And what a difference it makes. That it's not just squishy kind of stuff waiting for mystical things to happen. That if I put it in place, my God, what a different it makes in the ways I live it. And I don't know about you, but that's the kind of world I want to live in. I don't want to live in a world that's full of anger and distance and coldness. I want to leave in a place where there's a good, warm kind of working relationship with people. And that's what I find everywhere I go. You know, people tell me that every city I go in is the worst one in the country. But I swear to God, I can't find out why. People tell me, California, you're just at high risk to even get off the plane. and I have never had anything but cordial, helpful interaction with people. Amazing. And the only difference, I'm the same guy who used to have antagonistic relationships with everybody. And so that simple thing of it's not just the 10th step. We talk about these steps being connected. It's kind of like I mentioned yesterday, this whole process is connected. They're not isolated activities that we do mechanically. It's a way of life that, if practiced as a way of life, changes the quality of that life. And so 10-step is just a way of putting it in place and reviewing whether it's happening or not. And it's enormously gratifying to me to be able to see that. But what I have to recognize is that the way I live my life is the most important message I'll ever deliver to anybody. It's not wisdom. It'snot a whole bunch of knowledge about stuff. It's the way that I live in my life. It's amazing how much, certainly as you get older in the program, it's amazinghow much people watch what you do. but that's how they evaluate I was at an assembly a while back and we were voting on something and it's voting and Jesus if you've ever been to an assembly you know it's not like making sausage it is not a pretty process and we just have an amazing faculty to take an issue and gum it to death beat it forever so we're voting on this goofy issue And I didn't agree with it. I thought it was dumb, well-intended, but anyway. So I was voting against it for about the fourth time. And then I did some math, and I said, shoot, this thing ain't going nowhere, but I'm going to get it off the floor if I can. So the next time it came up, I voted for it. Well, how do you think anybody's going to pay attention to that? I bet you I had at least six or eight people come to me, why'd you change your vote? I'm tired of messing with the dumb thing but people watch that and so the way I live my life is a tremendous amount of what I'm about it's like I'm kind of careful about where I hang out my wife's not an alcoholic she doesn't do much drinking she's given up on that but we'll have company sometimes and she likes to have some booze for some of her wealthy relatives from Canada. And she wants me to go get it. Well, I'm an obedient husband, you know, so I go over there. I swear to God, every time, and I've grown, you now, I haven't been carted for a long, long time. But every time I walk in an ABC store, I want to sort of put a bag over my head or something. Because my thought is, But suppose some guy that I just had in a newcomer group last night watches me going in and says, Oh, I see how this works. You don't drink on Tuesday, but on Wednesday you come down here and load up. I doubt that very many are going to say, Oh,I understand his wife sent him on a mission. The way I live, I'm free to do whatever I want to, But I'm responsible to do things that will be attractive to folks if I want to be effective. And so how I live my life is a critically important thing in terms of that thing we're talking about on how to be effective and also how to get the real rewards that come in alcoholics or not. we'll go through this kind of quick like the 11th a lot of times when I first started looking at