Step Two and Hope – Chapman and Michael K. – Sponsorship Workshop – Part 1 of 6 – Audrey C.

started over. What's the first line and how it works? Y'all know it. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Bold statement, isn't it? But if I'm screwed and I drink no matter what, guess what that gives me? Hope. If you want to know the essence of step two, it all equates to one simple word, hope. I don't have to believe it works. I came into the rooms in June of 2000 going AA doesn't work but I was left with no other option. I went walking back into a place that I actually despised. I didn't want to see a crusty old man. I stayed clear of there was a whole bunch of people that I just ducked and dodged but I went crawling back in there because you know what I had nowhere else to go and I was dying and I didn't think it was going to work but I was completely out of all other options I had ran every plan that I could and I did not believe it was gonna work I felt I was terminally unique anybody been there but I was desperate and I hoped that just maybe I doubt it but just maybe this could work and that's all step two is let me read you a little story anybody know who Abby Thatcher is? thank God for old Abby in his two months next time you look at somebody and say you don't have anything to offer you've got two months sober you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Abby Thatcher at two months over each and every one of you it would not have happened you'd be looking at something that did not exist but here's Abby Thatger who are two months sober have been swooped up by the Oxford group, which is where AA came from. If you want to read some history and become a better sponsor, go read a book called Not God and don't let the titles throw you off because it kind of gives you a great little history of where Alcoholics Anonymous came from, very detailed. Yes? not God not God yeah yeah yeah but here's Abby and he drank with Bill and Bill always looked at Abby and went you know what if I ever get as bad as Abby I'd stop drinking because that guy's got a drinking problem kind of like what Audrey touched on but if you go to page 11 and Bill's drinking himself to death Ebby's sitting across the table telling him what happened to him Bill's all twisted up about God and you can read from page 10 to 11 and Ebby mentioned religion and Bill just went left because he didn't want to hear about God at all but here's what's rolling through Bill's head while Ebi's sitting across that kitchen table. He says, but my friend sat before me and made a point-blank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed. Ebi couldn't keep Ebi sober. Anybody been there before? You couldn't Keep You Sober? Well, here's Bill looking at Ebi going, there's no way Ebi can keep Evi sober. His human well had failed, doctor that had pronounced men curable society about to lock him up like myself he admitted complete defeat then he had in effect been raised from the dead suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known exclaim exclamation point had this power originated in him obviously it had not there had been no more power in him than there was at me in that minute and there was none at all that for me it began to look as though religious people right after all here was something at work in the human heart which had done the impossible My ideas about miracles were drastically revised right then. Never mind the musty past. Here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. He shouted great tidings. Bill's looking at Ebby and going, Ebby can't keep Ebby sober. I don't know how he's doing it. Bill's drinking himself to death. He's twisted up about the God idea, but he's looking out at Ebbe and going... Oh my God. He's sober. I tried to pass a drink to him and he refused to take it. Just maybe what worked for Ebby could work for me. And if we keep step two as simple as that, you won't run people out of here. But if you do it like Bill did from that moment on and he shouted about his spiritual experience and blasted God from the rooftops to every newcomer that he could for the first six months and he was completely unsuccessful. And he went back and he's like, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And they're like, you've got the cart before the horse. They don't understand the problem. They're never going to understand the solution. And here's Bill understanding the problem and he's like, man, I hope that would work for me. If you want some more hope to convey, go back to page XX of people who came to AA from 1939 to 1955. 50% of them got sober at one. Now what did they mean when they came to EA? Those who came to AA, AA had one thing to offer them. Work the 12 steps. Get a sponsor, get busy, do the work. If you didn't want to do that, guess what they told you? You remember the door you came in? Go try your way somewhere else. They kept it very specific. Here's what we do. If you don't want to do this, we understand. God bless you. We're moving on to this man. And of the people, 50% got sober at once and remained that way. 25% sober up after some relapsing. In other words, they went and tried their way. They came back, and guess what? They went back to the 50 percenters and went, What are you guys doing again? And they got on board, and they sobered up. There were groups in Cleveland and Minneapolis that had over a 90% success rate throughout that period, doing what we do. If you want to give a newcomer hope, lay it out to them. That's how they came up with that lovely line and backed it up. Rarely have we seen a person fail this thoroughly followed our path. Does that mean it's just for the special ones? Let's go back to page 46. Right in the middle of the page, We found as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power, which is God. I don't have to believe en God. I don' t have to define it. I don''t have to comprehend it. All I have to be is willing to say just maybe there is one. the whole chapter to four we agnostics is all about laying aside any prejudice I came in the rooms with a great deal of prejudice I had fixed ideas do you all understand what prejudice is there anyone in this room that's a felon other than me there's a lot of prejudice when it comes to felons in this world there's a lot of people who have a lot of fixed ideas about hiring a felon. As a felон, it sucks when someone prejudges me. There's prejudice in a lot of different ways, shapes, and forms and I just gave you a very obscure one. But I'm open-minded in a whole lot of areas and I love how they talk about in this book, we speak of intolerance when we're intolerant ourselves. i have no problem pointing out how you're intolerant when it comes to me but you know who i was most intolerant about the idea that there is a god and that he'd be willing to help me i had fixed ideas about that and this whole chapter is all about can i lay aside my fixed ideas and pull it just maybe out of my pocket and say just maybe there is a god that i can come to terms with that might be able to save me because after what audrey said I don't have too many other options, do I? When she pointed out there's no power in this world that can solve my problem where else do I have to go? That's why alcohol is a great persuader they talk about it in this chapter. It beats us into a state of reasonableness. The old timer said if God drives them out it's okay if they survive booze will drive them back in. all I have to do is pull a possible existence. I love how they phrase that. A just maybe. That there is a God that I can come to terms with. Page 47, it says we need to ask ourselves one short question. Do I believe? And if you don't, it's okay. Are you willing to believe that there is power greater than myself as soon as a man can say he does believe or is even willing to belief? A just may be. We emphatically assure him he's on his way. Next. Moving on. It's as simple as this. And I don't know how people can talk for hours on step two because once you... Too many words spoils it. It's all about hope. and in the chapter four goes in detail of looking at different ways we have willingness to change good god how many cell phones have you all been through in the last three or four years i still don't even understand what this thing does it does everything but a phone half the time but when a new one comes out, I must have it and I don't even know what it is. I'm so open-minded on things I know nothing about, but yet I'm drinking myself to gas and there is no God. And I cynically dissect all those who believe. yet I'm drinking myself to death and they seem to be living a life and they seem to be okay with it and they're not destroying all in their path yet I'll cynically dissect that very sad isn't it she's shaking her head like this I know but that was me I love this line, and I'll leave it at this. There's one line in this book that it just, I cannot believe someone had the nerve to write it. It's such a bold line. Page 55. Actually, we're fooling ourselves for deep down in every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God. That's a bold statement, isn't it? Prior to this they asked us we had to choose either God is or He isn't. Is He everything or is He nothing? And I'm here to tell you each and every person that you will come across has already played those mental gymnastics It's long before they ever came to Alcoholics Anonymous. And it's proven by the state. Has anybody been in trouble in this room before? In one way, shape or form? It didn't have to be legal. Whether it be your job, whether it be a relationship, whether it'd be family member, it's just a situation that you got into that was just so hopeless. and you looked around and every plan you came up with sucked and it wasn't going to work and you're looking around and no one around you could solve this problem for you. Did you ever do one of those timeouts where you just kind of pulled aside and in that brief moment you kind of had a little conversation like if you get me out of this I will do anything. has anybody had that conversation in their head before is there anyone who hasn't in this room I've asked a lot of people all over the United States and you'd be amazed I've met one guy and he must be the most self sufficient guy I don't know if he was telling the truth but he said he never did it and I'm like wow amazing you are Mr. Self Sufficient well the question I have to ask you is who are you talking to was it a power greater than you did you have to fully comprehend and define who you were talking to in order to have that conversation did you have to believe it was going to work what caused that conversation desperation the only thing that causes it hopelessness and desperation and I reach out like a knee jerk reaction like a doctor hitting my knee and my foot goes up each one of us has had that question was that a powerful entity that you were talking to at the time was it everything or was it nothing was it a coke can a doorknob we paint these things across the thing oh it's okay it can be an inanimate object as I was sitting in that courtroom it was not an inanmate object I was having that conversation with I didn't believe in a God but I was talking to one because I was desperate I hoped that it just might work and as simple as that a person looked at me and said there you had a conception of a power greater than you, you had a starting point start from there and that's the simple essence of what they're talking about of what you're going to come to believe in and that step two and it's final and each and every one of you has it deep down within you and whoever you work with if you speak to them in practical terms and in chapter 7 they're going to walk you through what not to do and what traps not to fall into because someone may have way more religious background than you don't get yourself in trouble simple spiritual terms and I always love getting back to the hopeless desperation moments where each and every one of us I had a conversation with a power greater than us. Even though we probably didn't even realize what we were doing, we actually were doing it. And it's a starting point to build from. And that's as far as we have to go in step two. And from there, we move quickly. But step one and step two are just two conclusions. That's all they are. Am I or am I not screwed in step one? do I hope that this possibly could work in step two that rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path and that's where we're at welcome to the dilemma I'm screwed in step one and I'm hoping in step two. And after this break, we'll kind of head off and dive into this thing quickly. But until we understand step one, none of this makes sense. We could spend a day on just conveying what Audrey covered and just re-emphasizing it. Because if we don't understand our problem, you're never going understand the solution. Period. And you're going to do nothing but confuse. Nothing worse than confusing the already confused. Nothing good comes out of that. Alright. Alright. Well, we laid out step one. We laid out step two and now we're moving on to step three you know and and how do we convey this and step three says we made a decision to turn our will in our lives over to the care of god as we understood him probably one of the most confused steps throughout all our fellowships not only alcoholics anonymous but just about everyone who borrowed this 12-step program it seems we get astray on what this step is really all about and we think we're actually doing something in step three you know but if you flip the page and go to page 60 you know right in the middle of the page it says our description to the alcoholic the chapter to the agnostics our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas A. that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives very confusing again for years I thought the unmanageability was all of the stuff that happened to me as a result of my drinking had nothing to do with it couldn't manage my own life and the only one aspect I couldn't manage it was the decision to stay away from the first one if you could manage the decision to stay way from your first drink question you'd have to ask yourself is why are you in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous just don't drink and move on but if you can't manage the decision to stay away from the first one A applies B that probably no human power could relieve our alcoholism could anyone solve your inability to control your drinking anybody have someone try to control how much you drink while you were drinking That's always a good time, isn't it? Is that special someone in your life is limiting your drinks? It's like God invented flasks. But there wasn't any human power. I couldn't come up with the power. No one else could come up with thepower and see that. God could and would if He were sought. Welcome to the hope of step two. And it says being convinced we are at step three. And I'm a history guy. Never used to be. Bored me to death. The longer I stay into this 12-step fellowship, history becomes more important. Has anyone ever read the original manuscript before? There's an edit that occurred in the original transcript that I really wish and this is just my opinion. Take it or leave it. But Bill said if we aren't convinced to these three vital issues. We ought to re-read the book up to this point or else throw it away. Because if I'm not convinced of this, I've got no business even toying with step three. But if I am convinced of that, if I don't believe in this, it says being convinced we are at step three which is that we decided and if you have a book underlined it, circle it, convey it. That's all we're doing in step three. We decided to turn our will and our life over the care of God as we understood Him. If I knew how to turn my will and my life over the carer of God as I understood Him, I would have been that courtroom as I was about to be handed down to the judge. When I said, God, get me out of this, I'll do anything. If I could have upheld that and pulled that maneuver off, I wouldn't be here today. But me left to my own devices I don't know how to turn my will and my life, my thoughts and my actions over to God. I've tried countless times on my own and failed miserably. God kept upholding His end of the bargain. I didn't like the way it turned out at some times. But I'm here today. God had no problem upholding His endofthebargain. I failed utterly every time with my best intention. I did not know how to turn it over. I knew how to try to turn it over, I just was never successful at it. Trying to live up to that philosophy or those codes that I always thought that if I just could do this everything would be okay but I don't know how I can do it. So I'm making a decision to learn how. I'm deciding to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that? We're going to talk about that from page 61 to 63. Just what we do about it is page 63 to page 164. See, the essence of step 3 is I'm making a decision to work steps 4 through 12 like my life depends on it. And as a result of working those eight steps or nine steps four through twelve I am going to be taught how to turn my will and my life my thoughts and my actions over to the care of God as I understand not as you understand not as I was raised just as understanding the power that I'm going to get connected to by doing this work so often we want to break off into page 61 and start talking to newcomers and laying this out. And page 61 is presenting an idea. It says, page 60 and 61, it says the first requirement that we convince that life run on self-will can hardly be a success. Unfortunately, this world as we know it, everything is geared towards that statement. Your life is run on self-willed. we have go to the bookstore the self help aisle is amazing isn't it has anybody dabbled in that we've all been raised you know what if something's got you licked pull yourself up by your bootstraps and come on get a hold of this thing throw more of me at the problem has anyone been successful at that that may be for other people but for alcoholics it's a tragedy in waiting you know on that basis we're almost always in collision with something or somebody even though our motives are good and the question you have to ask yourself is how well has your way worked out so far in your life you throwing more of you at the problem how well has it worked out. Because it gets right back to what Audrey laid out. Unfortunately, we want to convince these newcomers that you know what? Their plan is inadequate. Their ideas aren't going to work. But you've got to remember, did anyone tell you that and did it hold any depth their way? You telling me that my idea is wrong means you don't know what you're talking about in my head. Because if they're an alcoholic, the easiest way to get them to do something is tell them what? Not to do it. We have to remember who we're talking to and so often in these rooms we forget who we are. The longer we're away from our last drink, we forget Who We Are and you're never going to be successful at sponsoring anyone if you forget who you are. Because what words magically came out of someone's mouth that made you decide, oh my God, all my ideas are wrong? No one was ever successful at that with me. Ever. Period. So it just presents some ideas. You know, it says most people live by self-propulsion. Each person is like the actor who wants to run the whole show. And I remember the first time I read page 61, I sat back and I'm listening to it and I am contemplating it and it is arranging the lights in the ballet I am the actor playing the director as long as I am happy everyone around me is going to be happy and Iam sitting back going that isn't me that's the woman I live with right now because I can see it in other people and unfortunately as we try to convince someone of this We're wasting valuable time. We're just planting the idea. If they get it, they do. Bonus. If they don't, arguing with them and trying to convince them that their actor is trying to run the whole show, trying to kill them with kindness and if that doesn't work, well, we're going to shift modes and I'm going to roll over the top of you whether you like it or not. If I see it, I see It. If I don't know, if I don' t, I don'. But remember what I've got looming over my head. What Audrey just laid out. I've given them a horrible case of alcoholism. So I've presented out a problem, I've represented out a solution, and I'm giving them a decision to make. And that's all page 61 is laying out. And page 62 says selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. And I'm like, no it isn't. It's her. It's that boss. And again, we forget who we are. and we try to convince people of this. And again, it says, so our troubles we think and we forget who that we think is. It's the authors of the book as they're looking back. And did you think your troubles were basically of your own making as you picked up your desire ship? If my daddy wouldn't have been an alcoholic and just been such a terror to live with, I wouldn't have been the way I was. If my mama would have just loved me like she loved my sister, everything would be okay. I didn't think that troubles were of my own making. But they thought they were. It says, so our troubles we think are basically of our own making that rise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot. Though, I love this. so you can tell an alcoholic wrote this. Though he usually doesn't think so, we never think so. Ever. But it says, above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us. And unfortunately in these rooms, you hang around here long enough and now there's no musts in the big book. Sorry, there are. I just read two of them. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us. There's two musts followed by a really bad promise. This book is littered with promises. Some are good. Some are bad. And it says often there is no way of getting rid of self without his aid. Many of us have moral and philosophical convictions galore but we couldn't live up to them even though we would like to. and neither could we have reduced our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help. And it gets right back to that same simple question. How well is your way working out so far? And if I don't convey that to the newcomer, I'm missing it. I'm losing what this whole thing is all about. Because if they think their way is working out okay, do you think you're going to get anywhere? Did anyone ever get anywhere with you when you thought your way was working out? No. End of story. This is how I... First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. And I sat back and I'm like, I'm not playing God! Or was I? Because everything was dependent on everyone else in order to make me okay. Everything was dependent on external things. I was trying to treat an internal condition with external things, whether it be events, situations, people, places, things, whatever it may be, in hopes that somehow I would somehow be okay not drinking and I wouldn't drink again. Step three is a really simple idea. It's a simple concept. It's the idea of we're going to let God call the shots and the question you have to ask yourself is how worse of a job could God do in running your life than you've done up to this point? And if you're like me, I drove myself into the ground repeatedly and was broke, homeless, unemployed, unemployable, living out of a car and not a darn thing I could do about it. 35 years old and that was not what I envisioned when I was 8 years old. I didn't sit back and go I just can't wait until I get to that moment where I'm living in Dallas in the middle of the summer out of the car with no air conditioning. that is not what I aspired to be. You could have pulled somebody out of Terrell State Hospital and they probably would have done a better job at running my life up to that point. But that's what it took for me. Other people don't have to go to that extreme because all of those external events have to create an internal condition called pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. And once I got to that part point where I had enough of much as I could stand my way wasn't working and now they presented an idea just maybe we're going to shift gears and we're gonna give this God idea a shot even though you don't even know if you believe in it or not the simple question is what do you have to lose if you've tried everything else so it says when we sincerely took such a position all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer. Being all-powerful, we covered that. Remember? We're not talking about an inanimate object. We're talking about that conversation that you had with that powerful thing that was everything and not nothing when you were in that desperate, hopeless situation. We're going to get plugged into that as our new employer being all-powered He provided what we needed if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. And could you imagine if you got everything you needed from the rest of your life. Wrap your mind around that. Now, I did not say you got every thing you wanted. Wants and needs are two totally separate things. I really didn't think they were. But I am going to get everything I need if I hang on to this simple concept and I follow the hook if I keep close to Him and perform His work well. How do I do that? By working steps 4 through 12 like my life depends on it. See, if I haven't done a fourth step in Alcoholics Anonymous, you went on a secret. You haven't been able You haven' t done anything in Alcoholic Anonymous. Nothing. You have absorbed air in a room and you filled up a chair? Why would anyone belong to a 12-step fellowship and not work the 12 steps? It's kind of a contradiction in terms, isn't it? Although I did it. That was my plan. But guess what the result was? Nil. It just got worse. So step three is, I am going to be taught how to stay close to God and perform His work well by making the decision to do what the first 100 did. Thoroughly follow the path. And each and every one of you know how to thoroughly follow a path. If you didn't know where the liquor store was and I gave you directions, specific directions on how to get there, are you going to deviate? I know I'm not. Why? Because I want to get what I need to get. And I'm going to go to any length to get it. Welcome to what step three is all about. And exactly what Audrey said, if you go at it with half the zeal that you went at, you're going at your last drink, guess what? You're in like Flynn. But if you think sitting around an hour once a week is going to solve your problem, Did you drink an hour once a week? You're intelligent people. Don't fool yourself. You had to be to endure what you did. But that's what we're talking about. And step three is, this thing isn't a self-help program. It's all based on experience. I did not understand a word in this book until someone walked me through and explained it. I read it and then someone else walked me through it and it was like they picked up a different book. If you want to know what a sponsor is, guess what? Go to page 18 and read it. Someone properly armed with the facts can secure the confidence of an individual in a very short period of time. Sponsor is someone... Like it says, if you want what we have and you're willing to go to anything like to get it, you're ready to get busy. Show me how. and if you think you're going to learn how to fly a 747 by reading the flight manual to a 7 47 guess what I'm not flying with you if I want to learn how to do that if I'm going to fly I'm gonna get a pilot to show me how to Do It I'm Gonna Read The Flight Manual But I'm Going To Have Someone Who Knows What They're Doing Walk Me Through I Don't Kill Myself That's What A Sponsor Is All About That's Why It Is A Responsibility we don't take lightly. And if this person is willing to get busy and do it, we can sit down and say this prayer. It says, God, I offer myself to You to build with me as You want. Do with me As You want You can shake the these and thous out they confuse me and God, here I am. I give up. It says do with me as You would like as You'd want relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do that I will. What is the bond of yourself? Who is the one that's causing the problem? whether I realize it or not. I'm saying a prayer that's saying, you know what? It's me. Take away my difficulties. Me. Get me out of it. I've got a mind that's trying to kill me and make it look like an accident. Some of you maybe understand that statement. And that's where I was at. I'm like, I will do anything you tell me because whatever is coming out of here right now cannot be trusted. And I sat down with an individual. and take away my difficulties that victory over them may allow me to have a really great day. No, it's no longer about me. It says, Take away my difficulties that victory of them may be witness to those I would help with thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. Do this so someone else can see it in me and go, Oh my God, this possibly could work. Because guess what I saw in the individual who was bringing this to me? My first question was, You've been sober how long? consecutively, like in a row? It was unthinkable to me because He had my story. That was just something I could not comprehend. And He bore witness to me. And He showed me what the power of God could do. Even though I didn't even know if there was a God, there was something at work in Him that I could now explain. Later on, as I looked back, guess what it was exactly in this prayer? It says, The power of thy way of life, may I do thy will always! And then they trick you. Sneaky alcoholics. We thought well before taking this step. Wait a minute, I just did. No, look what it says. we thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him. Has anyone done a really heartfelt third step prayer before? And drank afterwards? Anybody in this room? Other than me? See, there's one thing that God doesn't take lightly is commitment. And you know what this step will do? it screws your drinking up. Because you're letting them in. And there's nothing worse than a head full of knowledge of what the problem is, a headful of AA, and then going back out and drinking. And if you're working with someone like that, that's why that opportunity when they're coming back, time is of the essence. because that window is open for just such a short period of time and they aren't having fun. They aren't just partying too much. But we thought well before we did this because this is the commitment that you know what? It is a commitment. It's a commitment up to work the steps like your life depends on it. You're doing it in front of another individual as witness in front God saying, I am going to do this. But what is the decision? How many decisions have you made today that you haven't followed up with yet? But a decision is just a decision, isn't it? Because if it isn't followed up with action, then what does it mean? I can decide to do a million things today. Am I going to get a million thing done? So what does all those decisions mean? Nothing. Until those words are followed up with actions, they don't mean a thing. It's all you. Have fun. all right i love listening to my talk about the third step because i guarantee you as a sponsor that's the place that you'll be driving them back to over and over and did you make that commitment or did you not because it's real easy to say that i'm willing to go to any links i mean how many times do you hear people say that my response is we'll see we'll see what you're willing to do we'll know what you want to do and we'll see what actions you're going to take because we're all used to making those promises and making those validations. And what's bad about us is we're going to tell everybody, I'm about to do this. I'm never ever listen to what comes out of an alcoholic's mouth. I'm only watching their feet because that's what will tell you what they're willing to do and what they are not. And so like Michael talked about, we make this decision, we make the commitment to see what God will do. And then I immediately, if you're wondering, when do I do a fourth step? Immediately, what it says is next. Next, we launched out on a course of vigorous action. How did you drink? Did you sit back and think? If I make it to the liquor store, I make it. If I don't, I don' t. It's no biggie. No. As soon as the thought entered my mind, next I'm in the truck. Next I'm at the liquor, right? That's what that looks like. Next, I launched out on a course of vigorous action. Not, I'll get to it when I get to it. Vigorous means just that, vigorous. And this is how I do this. I do it the same way I drink. It kind of denotes a sense of urgency. The first step of which is a personal house cleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Why would you attempt that? If I can pin it on Michael, I'm going to pin it on Michael and we're going to be done called day. But now we're about to look at me. A personal house cleaning. It's about to get real interesting because I think I'm taking everybody else's inventory and then we're gonna slide down to the fourth column and see something different. It says though our decision, meaning that third step was a vital and crucial step it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the thing in ourselves which had been blocking us so while that third step commitment is life-giving vital and critical it says i can't have a permanent effect because earlier on it talked about an effect that that i can get from that third set but what it's saying is it can't be permanent unless i continue on with the work And this is the point in which people like to talk about a pink cloud and you feel all this good stuff and eventually it goes away. And, you know, gosh, I got an effect from that third step when I took it with sincerity that hasn't left because I continue the work. And so that is a possibility. It is a probability, and the book even tells me that, if at once followed by, and we're looking for what had been blocking us. From what? From that power. michael michael talked about this how many times have you made a decision like that third step only to drink again how many terms have you gotten on your knees and beg and meant it only to what was the problem didn't you mean it back then absolutely you did but why weren't you able to pull it off because there's something blocking me from the power that makes it so does that make sense right there's a lot of times i got on my knees and said please but I couldn't stop drinking because I might have had a belief in God but what I did not have was connectivity to the power. So the fourth step is going to enable me to see what is it that's been blocking me from that power? So if you're wondering why you're about to write inventory, that's why. I've got to see what's been in my path because in that third step I'm asking him to remove what's in my past. Let's take a look at what it is. Getting down to causes and conditions. So it talks about, in the next paragraph, this was step four. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and fact-facing process. Oh, my God. Are we about to get down to the facts? Because I've been talking some drama and some nonsense my whole life. I have zero capability to see what the facts are. Get connected with a sponsor that will show you how to find the facts. It gets real interesting because I say things like, well, this is how I feel. This is what I think. This is why I think she thinks that he said. What part of that is the fact? I don't know. I don't know. And so that's where sponsorship gets real key to it. Let's cut out all the fluff and all the nonsense and get down to brass tacks. And I love that on 65, that's how Bill writes inventory. Very concise. Very to the point because I can tell a story. And I'll exaggerate it 10 times out of 10 to make it better. I'll add stuff. And I'm so delusional, I cannot see the truth. So this is why it's so important. Fact-finding. Searching. Fact-facing is the fearless part of this stuff. And Michael actually was the one that taught me this. It says it's an effort to discover the truth about the stock and trade. So when it talks about a moral inventory, it's not about moral versus immoral. It's not About Good and Bad. It's About the Truth. I've lived my whole life based on a lot of delusion. Now I'm about to find out what the truth is. All right? It says, one object is to disclose damaged or unsaleable goods to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. I don't know what's what. I'm selling myself a lot of ideas, and this is why it's important to see what's on the shelf. What am I really working with? Because my thought is, I'm a giver, and I'm precious, and I're here to serve. Now, the truth is, I'm manipulative and deceitful and I will come in very precious and I'll catch you off sides and mess you up. That's the truth about it, but I couldn't see that because when I came in the doors and they said selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of your problem and your alcoholic ego will kill you, I thought, certainly not me. I'm not loud. I'm nicht obnoxious. I'm niet bossy. I'm kein Fassi. But I think my ideas are best. That's de ego. It doesn't matter if you come in full force running over people or if you're coming quietly off sides to catch them, you're still trying to get your way. And that's what inventory is about to show us, where that ego is really manifesting, where it's really showing up. Because it can show up a lot of different ways. And it even goes on to talk about being convinced. They sure are asking us to be convinced of a lot things. Dang! That self manifested in various ways is what had defeated us. We've considered it's common manifestation. So I'm about to see my life is a life driven by fear, selfishness, dishonesty, inconsideration of others. And this is what they mean by self-manifested, how it shows up on me. Because I got to tell you, how It Shows Up On You is maybe not how It Showed Up On Me, but it is all driven at the root of the same thing. And that's why it's easy to see other people's inventory and see where it is that they're coming from and what's driving them because there is that fear that at some point, oh my God, at some point I'm going to sponsor and at some point I am going to be hearing inventory and what if I can't see? It gets real easy. I promise you. We'll take Bill's inventory in a minute and you will see how easy it is to look at this stuff. It says resentment is the number one offender. Hmm. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. I could have sworn alcohol was the number on offender? I thought it destroyed more alcohols than anything but they're saying it's resentment. It's resentment, why? Because that resentment that I harbor and I nurture and I nurse cuts me off from the power that's going to save me and I do this to myself. Talks about from its stem all forms of spiritual disease for we have been not only mentally and physically ill we've been spiritually sick. When dealing excuse me with when the spirituality is overcome we straighten out mentally and and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. Now it's going to give us precise directions for what do you do with this stuff. And some of you are going to write inventory on notebook paper and just take the logistics from the book and write it out on notebook paper. Some of you will be handed forms from a sponsor that you'll be filling in. Some of you have checklists. I got to tell you, I'm less concerned with the format as long as it matches up with this book. I'm left concerned with a format than I am with the attitude you bring into inventory are you willing to be honest are you willing to get it all in are you will seek spiritual truth that's the point I've seen lots of different formats I like to just use the book but that's me so it says we set them on paper we listed people institutions or principles with whom we were angry I always find it interesting when people I sponsor say I don't know that I'm really that upset with a lot of people I don't really know there's a lot of things going on within me I feel conflicted about. And I'm like, oh honey, what are you sitting on the bar stool yapping about? The people that have done you wrong in your eyes, the people that make you feel, when they walk into a room, the institutions that you're not happy about, the principles that are in play in this world that you disagree with, that have caused you conflict. All of a sudden it gets real simple. It's all the things that I'm drinking alone, thinking about. You put pen to paper, I promise you it will pour out. It will pour out. If you're confused about what to do, ask. Ask. I made that mistake early on in sobriety being too arrogant to ask the question because I was embarrassed and didn't want you to know that I didn't understand. Do yourself a favor and don't do that. Just ask. Just ask, so I'm going to list these people, institutions, and principles, So, then I'm going to ask myself why I'm angry. So, I'm gonna go column to column. First column all the way down. The people that are grinding me. Start with now. Work your way back. If you try to start from the third grade and remember stuff, it just is daunting. Start with the now. You know who those people are. You know where those institutions are. The church, the police department. If you're like me, I'll cover a whole basis. Might have been one person that didn't act right in the group, but I'ma put the whole group on there. institutions principles women should be seen and not heard what are the principles that bug you that they're we don't have gay marriage rights in texas does that bother you is that principles bother you put it down put it done don't be afraid to write don't be afraid based on what somebody else has seen think about it you're sitting down with another what? Alcoholic. Let's don't be concerned with what they think. Let us be honest. How many times does it use the word honesty in the first paragraph on page 58 when it talks about rarely seeing a person fail who did the work? Three times. I have got to get honest. If you cannot be honest with you and a piece of paper, you are in for a world of trouble. You just are. I've got to give this stuff out. So I am going to ask myself why am I angry. Column two, the cause. What is it that you, what part of me did you threaten so that I'm unhappy? I'm going to move straight over to column three because I'm going to get real bulleted just like he did on the cause and I'm telling you there's some resentments that some of us could write books on, pages on. It's not necessary. Get to the point. Look at how he did it on 65. Mr. Brown, why has he upset his attention to my wife? Think he could have gone into detail about that? Given some for instances, some details yeah not important this is why I'm upset so I'm going to ask myself that and I'm going to slide over to the third column it affects my what what part of my instincts did you threaten so that I'm unhappy because if you don't threaten one of my god-given instincts chances are I don't even notice you but when you begin to conflict with those all of a sudden I'm resentful at you see how that works so it says my pocketbook my ambition personal relationships including sex or hurt or threatened and it's going to go on to talk about how to list those does that sound complicated I don't know sitting in those meetings when you mentioned that you're doing a four-step people sure do act like it's the end of the world oh my god you're on your fourth step bless your heart sweetie I don'T KNOW column listing getting that stuff out of here up off of me onto this paper, and why? Because it's the number one offender. Think about that. How many times did you spend hours, days, months, years thinking about those instances, those conversations, those situations that happened up? How long did you nurture that stuff? What is a resentment? I mean, what does that really mean? I didn't know what that word meant initially when I got here. I thought it meant just crazy, angry with rage. Resentment, it means that any time I think about that certain situation or conversation, I begin to rethink all of it, re-feel all of it and get upset all over again. If you're not sure whether or not you have a resentment against somebody, think about this, if you're having dinner and this person walks into the restaurant and sits down at the table next to you, are you comfortable or are you not? That's an easy way to think about it. Is there something conflicting there or is it not? I don't know. I've got to get it all on paper, so I'm going to list it in this three-column form, right? In thinking about it, replaying it, re-feeling it, it talks about fancied or real. It's kind of like some of you guys may be sports fans, I don't know. But like, when you watch a replay, right? The first time you see the quarterback gets sacked, you're like, that was kind of a hard hit back there. Kind of rough. Then what happens? They're going to stop. They're gonna rewind, replay it, slow it down. Look at all the intricate details that happened. And now you're thinking, that's kind of out of line. That was a bit much. And what are they going to do? They're going to get some commentary, like your mind does. Slow it back down. Replay it again. Add more. Now, by the time you've watched it a third or fourth time, you're like, that is not okay. That is wrong. You've got a strong opinion about it. How many times do you do that with your own resentment? I replay a conversation and the more I replay it, the more i come off looking like a victim and you come off working like a jerk. And I'm adding, she was probably thinking this when she said that. I don't know that. I don' t know that, it's fancied. I don''t know what you think. I think I do. And I'm sure we'll make some decisions based on it. Anybody else? Life driven by fear. Fancied or real. Fancy it is like this. I have really bad vision. I can't see so a lot of times I'm squinting. So when I look over and I squint at the clock to see how much time, Joe's looking at me going, why is she glaring at me? Why is she giving me that look? Right? Now he's upset. I knew she didn't like me when she came in. She was kind of funny. She acted kind of funnily. He's going to lean over to Tom. What's her problem? All right, now he's got Tom going, I don't know. Tom's going start replaying all the conversations he's had with me in the past three months. I think something's going on with her. I think she's got something out for you and me. What's up with that? Now the truth is, I can't see and I'm squinting to try to see the clock. The delusion is that that has anything to do with Joe or Tom. See how that works? But I've got a lot of resentments in my life based on what I think happened that didn't happen.