The Three Stage Rocket Launch – Herb K – Workshop – Part 16 of 25 – Herb

good morning good afternoon good evening wherever you are in the world today actively listening to and watching this zoom conference call my name is Herb and I'm an alcoholic this is a big book telephone step workshop please join me in a prayer to have an open mind and an open heart the set aside prayer God please set aside everything that I think I know about myself my brokenness my spiritual path and you for an open mind and a new experience of myself my broken as my spiritual path and especially Please join me in the set aside of the serenity prayer God grant me this serenity to accept the things that cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference so the metaphor I've been using consistently this journey is the rocket launch Bill Wilson uses that term on page 25 in the big book where he says we're rocketed into a fourth dimension well I've taken that and expanded the concept so that I perceive this entire step journey as a rocket launch it has three stages stage one is the foundation it doesn't require much action it does require some thinking some reflection some prayer some decision but not much action not really real action the experience of powerlessness literally looking deeply at our history not trying to understand allergy and obsession and malady although that's important and it's a progressive understanding it took me 10 years of staying gently pressed up against this process the first four years just thawing out externally externally just thawning out in my body and then I met a man who I resonated with as a teacher and he took me through the steps the first time and I had an experience with allergy well I understood it first he did explain it I understood the words in the big book allergy and craving very uniquely used in the Big Book you won't find it in a dictionary and you won' t find very adequate explanation of it any place else quite frankly and then three years later I met a man who really held my feet to the fire to not only understand obsession and delusion but to take a deep specific look at detailed specific behavioral look at my own personal journey and experience three different times I met with him three different times we went over Jim's story, Fred's story my story it was the third time to two hours each time it was third time that the acorn in me cracked and the sapling begin to grow meaning an experience not just the knowledge I had the knowledge I have the definitions I could write it I could recited. I didn't have the experience, and it imploded in me. Three years later, I did the work again with another man. I had had a spiritual awakening in 1988 and 1991, those first two journeys. This third time, 10 years sober, I was in no rush because I didn�t have any fire in my belly. I had no hot poker at my back. I was there for more and I knew there was more, and this man wanted to rush me through to get it done. And I said, No, I'm in no rush. I'm In no hurry. I have no pain. My life is good. I want it to be a very contemplative journey as it turned out to be when I didn't even know what I was saying my evaluation in retrospect I had a brand new experience with steps two and three realizing that my traditional concept and experience and knowledge up to that point even having had two spiritual awakenings my traditional concept of God was the very impediment to my relationship an authentic experiential relationship no decision my experience in step one a life-changing experience in steps two and three but not until i was 10 years sober did i realize it and have the experience with you and that was the foundation for my journey it didn't prevent me from staying sober from the beginning it didn t prevent me from having a spiritual awakening in 1988 with the minimal experience of allergy and craving it didn't prevent me from having a second broader and deeper spiritual awakening in 1991 understanding but also experiencing obsession and delusion so i don't want to be black and white and i don t want to put put it in silos at all. There's a very dynamic, interactive, mysterious actual cycle of transformation. But I do want to say that it's a process and the process requires willingness and the process requires action. Each time I did the steps with a sponsor and or a step guide, did step four steps four through seven I see now as the second stage of the rocket launch it does require action the action of prayer and reading and writing and understanding and reflection and writing then writing and writing in discussion and writing discussion and writing. And progressively I had an insight into the delusions of the distortion of the lenses through which I looked at reality. These lenses are what I look through to see what I observe as reality. In me there are lenses my beliefs and my motives through which I look at reality that determines my perception of reality and my reaction to it and through progressive work in column three column four of the resentment inventory progressive work with the fear inventory at first just doing the unpacking and in the second process doing the turnaround based on the worksheet that's in the way of life document and in the sex inventory using question number nine to develop the guidelines and then seeing through my step five confession and my step six identification of the behaviors that came from those delusions in the fourth and fifth step and the powerlessness of it i prayed the prayer as i've recounted to you many times and it wasn't until i prayed that prayer specifically that i really i really realized experientially that i wasn't willing at all and then to pray for the willingness and to have an accountability partner that I talked about my behavior on a daily basis pray because I'm powerless hold myself accountable because I am human and my life began to change again and immediately within 48 hours the behavior changed and within about two years the inclination to the aberrant behavior changed and went away and has never returned no inclination even in that direction the second stage this third stage that we're entering into for me is the most sacred stage and the most difficult stage it's also the stage that i don't believe anybody i don t care how smart or spiritual or evolved or emotionally developed we need help this is an area steps eight and nine the third stage of the turning the first stage is the realization and the commitment to turn the second stage is to power the second stage is the experience of turning to have a relationship with our true self the dismantling of the false self through steps four five six and seven and then in steps eight and nine the balance of the turning that is committed to in the third step the turning from self-centeredness to other centeredness looking at in step eight the impact of our character defects and our instincts gone awry the impact behavior on other people very many people get very confused about steps a than that and when I start talking to them about making amends they start talking about what they did and they have to it's important for each of us to know what we did but what we did is not the harm I gossiped I stole money I beat somebody up I had a car accident and I killed somebody that's interesting and important to realize and Get really clear specifically on what you did, but it's not the harm. Step eight is making a list. Step eight has another inventory. Step six is an inventory. Step four is an inventory. Step two is an inventor. All of the even steps are knowing steps, inventory steps. Step two, what is your inventory about your belief? Step four, what blocks you? Step six, how does it manifest in behavior and inventory? Step eight, how does that behavior impact other people and inventory I suggest people get three by five cards. My very first eight step when I was doing this work for the very first time was on a piece of paper 8 by 11 piece of paper because that was my take on it and i didn't get any instruction other than that and i had about 35 um harms done and indications of the balance of the information i'm going to talk about in a minute and it got real messy as i went through the step process the ninth step process because i was making notes i was carrying it around it got wrinkled it got torn etc so the next time i did the work i used three by five cards and that's been part of my recommendation it's a mechanical thing it might be helpful to you on the 3x5 card you list the person or institution harmed that's the first piece of information the second piece of information is what did you do what actions did you take that harmed somebody or institution and be specific the third piece of information is how did it impact the other person this is the definition then or the description of the harm done it's not what you did I I gossiped, no. This man said to me, Herb, you're just not that important and you're not that powerful. Check it out. Did you actually harm this person? Did they lose a job? Did they loose a reputation? Did they loose money? Did they losse a relationship? Did you impede the quality of their life at all? Were they even conscious of you? Hmm, no? he said check this out who did you gossip to maybe in gossiping to this person you harmed this person because then you diminished the relationship of that person to the other person which diminished the quality of their life and prevented them seeing this other person as a potential resource or friend just saying to explore it not saying that it's so I don't harm the person I gossip about unless I do I may harm the first and I gossip to evaluation discernment and in doubt you talk to your sponsor step guy step buddy accountability partner in the big book So Bill, for the very first time, includes two steps in one conversation on page 76. We left off with step 7 on page 66 and then he goes immediately after the prayer, now we need more action. Step 6, making a list, although it doesn't say that, it assumes that I believe, how could i be willing to have my character defects if i am not really clear what they are so my assumption is that we make a list and then we make and we say the prayer because we're see that we're powerless over it and i love the prayer especially the way it begins i hope bill was conscious of the way the prayer begins my creator I need to be recreated my instincts are dysfunction bent misshapen unhealthy and I need to correct I need to have them corrected a co-creation a collaboration a mystery my willingness and God's grace again but then he says there's more action here faith without works is dead it's a quote from the Hebrew Scripture faith without works is debt or maybe at st. Paul one of the letters yes I think it is actually from the christian scripture um as i mentioned to you before the man who took me through the work had a variation on that when i told him i was willing but that i was busy and that i was unwilling to take the actions but i just didn't have the time he said willingness without action is fantasy it's a variation on this very insightful willingness without action it's fantasy don't tell me you're willing if you're not taking any action this is bullshit every once in a while i slip out then he has eight and nine together i separate them out because they're very different steps step 8 is an inventory read pages 76 through 83 from the perspective of making an inventory making a list it's helpful because bill gives us some examples he gives us some general principles seven or eight pages pretty important stuff i think it's the most sacred work that we can do because we're reaching out to repair the damage that recreated there's two aspects to this A mend means change, mending. I make a decision to and a commitment to change my behavior. Be silly for me to make a commitment into fidelity, tell my wife I really regret the past and then go out and be unfaithful again that hardly is has integrity to it or any sense of reality so i need to be prepared to make a commitment to change and to be changed that's why six and seven the tools that i mentioned of prayer and accountability are are so critical because it's a commitment to change our behavior and hold ourselves accountable for it as we go on then to take a look at the harms we've done with our bent malfunctioning character defects and instincts so that we can in fact consciously change our modify our behavior or at least want to to and make an effort to. So amend means change. That's part of the eighth step, a commitment to and the beginnings of. The ninth step itself is a repairing of damage, amend, to repair. To amend for me to change. To amend, for me attempt to repair the damage that I've done to institutions and or people. But first we need to understand what was the harm and what is the repair? So on the card I recommend three pieces of information at the beginning. Who did I harm? behavior did I do and what was at least my estimate of the harm that I did there's a fourth piece of information after you make all your cards up one on each institution one on each person the full card if there's more than one harm put it all on them card as well as maybe some other information some specificity about the encounter maybe the phone number maybe the email address maybe the mailing address whatever it is that you anticipate is going to be the method of making the initial contact but nothing do nothing take no action in terms of contact until after you finished the eight step and vetted it individually specifically each one of them with a sponsor and or a step guy too many people rush out filled with guilt and shame and the energy to get some relief themselves totally self-motivated and they bring it to another person and they really screw it up. They create more harm, which then later on they have to go back and try to repair. It's really awkward. It's very embarrassing. It's so embarrassing and it's really unnecessary. Please do not take any action on your own initiative. Pray terrific. Get guidance terrific. Think about it. Take responsibility terrific. talk to your attorney talk to you there this talked to your spouse talk to your sponsor great great great get really clear specifically with your sponsor and or step guy even dress rehearse sometimes the more substantial ones father's mother siblings spouses committed relationships ex-spouses ex-committed relationships those are the substantial ones that might need some dress rehearsal I have played the role of father I've played the roll of son I played the rule of mother I played to rule of wife with my sponsors so that they can say it and practice it and hear the words and feel the feelings and perhaps get a little fine-tuning and a little direction as to different phrases or different words or different emotions or different attitudes. It's still part of step eight, a preparation for step nine. as I said I think everybody can do steps one through seven on their own thank you they won't do it as well everyone can do Steps 10 11 and 12 on their room I do believe that but not as well of course but eight and nine I don't believe anybody anybody can do that without help because Because we can't be objective, we're the subject. It's impossible for us to step outside of ourselves and be objective. We're always going to see through the lenses that we see and we're going to always be self-centered in self-interest and cut ourselves some slack. And this is not the place. This is the springboard of freedom right here. final stage there are two major statements that I just want to focus on today and then we'll pick it up next week the balance of any comment on aid and move on to step nine but on page 76 he says in italics in that first paragraph in which he's addressing step eight and nine remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol we agreed at the beginning really when did we do that that we would go to anything for victory-over-alcohol it's in italics notice victory over alcohol and then it's such an important comment by bill that he repeats it on page 79 but with a different twist on page seventy nine in that first full paragraph reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any length to find a spiritual experience again any length a reminder when did we do that but he changed the object here of the reminder and he talks about spiritual experience i hope he had what i'm about to say in mind because it's brilliant step one is about addiction the first half and after the hyphen about the spiritual malady unmanageability on page 76 he says any length for victory over our addiction alcohol our addiction your addiction maybe not alcohol but whatever it is first half of the first step but page 79 willing to go to any length or victory to find a spiritual experience ah the antidote to the self-centeredness is other centeredness a spiritual awakening a spiritual experience that's the antidot to unmanageability and those bedevilings so balanced so perfect so organic but again ask ourselves that question on 76 and 79 he says remember at the beginning at the begin of what this process this book maybe well i happen to give get direction as to what that meant page 58 bill says step three is but a beginning and the warm-up to step 3 is page 58 and it says right there in that second full paragraph if you have decided you want what we have spiritual awakening freedom from addiction freedom from unmanageability if you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it there it is right there at the beginning of step three dash then you are ready to take certain steps steps four through nine if you're willing to go to any length, any length means finish ninth step. That's what it means. Do four as best as you can and each of the steps as best as you know, knowing that it's not as best as you have said specifically for you perfectionists out there and finish the ninth step it says in the book when you're halfway through the ninth step you might have an experience but in the tenth step it says you will have an experienced you will have entered the world of the spirit now it says you commence this way of living as we clean up the past so you do 10 11 and 12 as we've talked about at the very beginning of this workshop before we even started step one that we're not cured if we have a daily reprieve, so why not include 10, 11, and 12 in the process right from the beginning? But the promises also say painstaking. What does that mean? With pain? No, it doesn't actually. It means careful with detail. Have you just done the best you can knowing that it's not been as consistent and it's not been as diligent, but right now, it's the best I can do. And it's good enough. Please embrace that. Please lean into that. Whatever you're doing is good enough and just move forward gently leaning into this process. For next week we read the material 76 to 83, from the perspective of Step 9. That would be Assignment 22. So that then you will have read it from the prospective of making the list and the principles and the potential examples of harm. And then you will re-read it from the perspective of the ninth step, actually going out and dealing specifically with institutions and people. And what are the principles there that are indicated? He tells us a lot about the attitude that he suggests that we have. Please join me in this serenity prayer. God, me this serenity to accept the things that cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference thanks everybody