Spiritual Awakening – Big Book Twelve Step Workshop – Part 3 of 4 – Herb

All right, so we're being recorded. My name is Herb. I'm an alcoholic, lots of energy, lots of excitement tonight. I really, really excited myself to welcome you to our big book 12 step workshop. And just to know that I've changed the approach for this year. I'll be talking about that I'll be recording this session but it will be the only session that we will record and I'll talk more about that in a minute I'll probably talk for 45 minutes giving an orientation to this new approach and then we'll have Q&A you might want to have a pen and paper in hand because you can make notes of the questions that you have or the comments that you want to make if, in fact, that's your inclination. Because we're on Zoom, I am not restricted to ending on time. I normally target the time, which will be an hour and a half, 7.30 here, we start in Los Angeles and the target is nine o'clock, but I'm very liberal with the time because you have a button that can allow you to escape without notice at any time, but certainly after nine o', so I'm going to put up some slides to assist me in the discussion as we move forward. If you have a question that comes up that isn't answered by the time I'm through with my opening comments, which will be, as I say, around 45 or 50 minutes, then raise your hand. My suspicion is that we will have a lot of question so you can always raise your hand and take it down and you do the raising of the hand through the reaction icon at the bottom we'll have a large group at least if i'm looking at the registration then the majority of people show up and so we'll see what happens this is the cover to my second book 12 steps to spiritual awakening it's my trademark it's my uh logo it'smy branding because it really is this process about awakening spiritual awakening we'll talk lots about that tonight and that will consume our workshop next week more about that in a minute but we will focus on what do we mean by spiritual awakening if you note on the slide there's a hyphen i got cute today as i was reviewing my material i want you to know this is not a meeting this is a meeting this is not a book study this is not a step study this is a process where a gathering of people whether you're in AA or any other 12-step fellowships or in no fellowship at all whether you have an addiction or no addiction at all it doesn't make any difference to me or to this group this group is not official this group is not under any of the flags of any of The 12 Step meetings it's a gathering of people who want to use the big book as a textbook and unpack that textbook to see the specific and precise directions in the big book for applying those 12 steps to your personal life so that you can have a spiritual awakening. I'm a big book fundamentalist and literalist in the best of senses. I stick to the big books. It's the only book that we're suggesting as essential for this workshop, because it's the textbook. I will make references to lots of other material, not the least of which is the 12 and 12. It has 12 chapters, one for each step, which is a commentary by Bill Wilson when he's about 20 years sober. He got sober in 1934. He wrote and published the 12 and 12 in 1953. The big book itself was published in 1939, April of 1939, when he was about five years sober, So the commentary is really important from my standpoint as a supplement to the big book, because he had another 15 years of recovery to be able to share with us his experience. We don't talk from the 12 and 12. We only talk from the reference point of the big book. In addition to that, my own book is available through Amazon and people have found it helpful. I'm reluctant to raise its visibility only because I don't want to be self-promoting. but i've been encouraged by the people who have used it that in fact they find it extremely helpful in again navigating the steps out of the big book this workshop tonight is an orientation because i've changed the approach i'm trying to fine-tune my approach each year to make it as visible and as useful and as practical and as effective as possible i have some information that tells me that that's working more about that in future workshops in 2021 this last year i used a new approach i recorded my teaching on tuesday night and the following monday night we discussed it because we have now all of those recordings which have been edited and posted on YouTube. We'll be using those as the resource for the teaching to unpack the big book. You have a set of assignments that I'll be talking about in a minute, which will include reading from the bigbook and then watching or listening to the YouTube recordings. they're on YouTube so that's a video recording which includes the PowerPoints that were used which I believe help deepen and strengthen and complement the words that I use so that you can perhaps have a deeper understanding and a bigger experience with each of the steps but the the audio is quite sufficient I've been told so the assignments will include reading from the big book on a particular step a particular area on each of the steps we go very deep and we get very detailed and then the assignment will be to watch and listen or listen to the pre-recorded videos on YouTube. I have a specific YouTube channel, which has seven or eight different playlists. I've learned the vocabulary. One of those playlists is the Tuesday night workshop. Please join me now. We've sort of prepared the ground as to our purpose here and what we're doing tonight. I've fine-tuned each one of the slides to try to make them again more effective so that they help you have some more consciousness about the use of the words that we hear all the time. The serenity prayer, we can rattle off in our sleep and many when we do pray it are asleep, dreaming that they're awake. It's really important. Prayer is really important, but it's not about the words. It's about intention. What's your intention here? Our intention is wisdom, a discernment. What can I influence? What can't I influence ? I can't control anything. You'll hear me more than once say lose the word control. we can't control anything outside of us we can not control anything inside of us we have influence and we have responsibility the serenity prayer is about discerning that knowing that we can even discern it correctly and implement it correctly on our own power and we need power in order and courage so please join me You can pray out loud. You're on mute, or at least you're intended to be on mute. Or you could pray silently, or you don't have to pray at all. As I mentioned prior to the workshop starting, I have no rules. I have adopted the culture of the 12-step fellowship. No rules. None. Zero rules. We have many suggestions. be intentional in the use of these words god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference well as I mentioned this is a big book 12-step workshop it's not a big book study it's not a 12-stepped study it's a workshop in which we're going to apply apply what I interpret to be the instructions out of the big book for each of the steps now of course I'm going to give you an expanded version of that based on my understanding and based on my experience in going through the steps. My sobriety date is February 1984. My story is not important here, it will seep out over time. I was given the gift of sobriete because I was willing to quit drinking to support my wife's recovery. She was in the hospital. I was not. I went there to support her recovery. They asked me to stop drinking. February 20th, they asked me to stop drinking. I had had a drink that day. I haven't had a drink since or an inclination to have a drink since and I didn't go to AA for another couple months. I can't explain that i may comment about it some other time but i'm very grateful and humbled by that experience but i was in aa for four years with a sponsor going to a meeting every day calling the sponsor every day getting a big book reading it and working the steps on my own those were his instructions i didn't know that i didn t know that change was necessary possible and that there was a specific method for change i knew none of that only in retrospect do i know most of what i ever know i've had the good fortune of meeting a man in 1988 who had had an experience of an awakening through the 12 steps out of the big book I asked him to help me and most of the experience I share with you this year comes from that journey which took 12 months the application of the 12 steps to have a spiritual awakening well what is a spiritual awakening it's really important the use of words and you'll see I'm pretty rigorous about that I think the book that's almost necessary as a companion to the big book is a dictionary I will be asking you and suggesting that you look at the dictionary many times my definition of spirituality is relationship a relationship that's what spirituality to me means it doesn't mean God and it doesn'T mean a divine being and it DOESN'T mean the fourth dimension it means something immaterial but very broad in the application relationship with life relationship with myself and relationship with other people it pretty well summarizes the human condition but what about awakening well that's your first assignment on my website you'll see a page for the 12-step workshops and listed there are several things that are important one is what's called a way of life document it's a 66 page document that you would do well to download and have in a binder because it has some illustrations some of which are in my powerpoints that will assist you in understanding the instructions on the steps as we go forward it has material on each of the steps in it it's called the way of life document that term comes from bill wilson who says we commence this way of live we entered the world of the spirit when we finished step 9 on pages 84 and 85 he said we've entered the word of the Spirit we commence this way of life and he refers that those three words way of life to practice of steps 10 11 and 12. so the way of life document will be very helpful the other document which is actually essential I really recommend that you make hard copy of it although different people have different styles of study so i don't have any rules about any of this suggestions is the assignments the assignments have been very specifically reviewed in preparation for this workshop this year 2022. they're not totally complete yet they run up through step up to step four the rest of it will be available as time emerges we will be on steps one through three for six months yeah i set the schedule out of the steps and my intended uh navigation of each of the step so that you have a road map for how we're going to proceed that we spend about three months maybe four months on step one so we're a long ways from entering into any work on step four the assignments are quite specific in terms of the reading and the suggestions and the options and that assignment one is a suggestion to get a new big book now I don't care whether you have a new Big Book but I do care that you have a clean Big Book meaning that you have a Big Book that's a fourth edition that's the most recent publication came out in 2001 and that it have very little marking or preferably no marking at all so that you can have a new experience with this journey once again no rules you do what you want to do but I'm suggesting if you want a new experience that you have a fresh white clean white slate clean whiteboard and that we'll invite the spirit in through your effort to write on that whiteboard some new information and some new experience it also suggests that you take a look at appendix 2 in that big book and that you read and highlight anytime i give a suggestion to read the big book or quite frankly any book included in that if it's not spoken it's implied that you have a highlighter so that when you're reading your reading with purpose and you highlight words that step out to you this that speak to you that resonate with you sometimes i will give you a question in advance of the reading and so you would highlight anything that might respond to that question appendix 2 is about a spiritual awakening more about that next week as we unpack it that's your first assignment to read and highlight appendix two it's a page and a half don't wait until monday or god forbid tuesday of next week to do that please plan your work and then work your plan if you wait until you have time to do this work you'll never find time because it's hard work it's like going back to school there's no accountability except to yourself but if you want a new experience try to cooperate with the directions and if you read appendix two more than once you'll probably have a better experience with it read it for its overall value and then read it to see how they're the same a spiritual awakening and a spiritual experience and how they are different because that's the point of putting it in the book I'll explain the history next week but right now I want you to go to work I hope you have a pen and paper. It's essential because I want you to ask yourself these questions right now and write an answer to them, not a long answer, a sentence or two, whatever you feel like, a word or two. It doesn't make any difference. We'll never know, but you will. Because in probably 10 months, 11 months, in November of this year, i'll be asking you to go back and take a look at what you wrote today to see if in fact there's been any shift any change why are you here i mean there's hundreds of you today i'm not sure exactly how many i'll look later on we had hundreds register this tonight this orientation is being recorded because of that we felt that there would be some people who would miss it either for well for any reason and that way because the approaches knew they would need to hear this there's an orientation on youtube from last year but because the approach is different this year slightly different it's much better to have been here tonight or to listen to the recording why are you here what brought you here literally thousands of people received the flyer many people discussed it with their sponsor many people decided to register and a few of them did and then a percentage of those people actually showed up tonight no that's how it works but why are you here what what was the invitation what did you hear in your heart or your gut what was your curiosity what was your motive comes from the latin word movere what moved you maybe it's suffering what is your current suffering that's a new question what is your current suffering you may be a year sober you may be 20 years sober it may be your addiction especially if you're not sober or abstinent it probably is one of your addictions that's the current suffering So, two questions. Why are you here? And what is your current suffering? But then the third question, what's the source of the current suffering, the course of the current suffering notice those are two different questions and then date it and keep it someplace where you can come back to it later on see the questions are so much more important than the answers i learned that way back with joe and charlie in their weekend workshop They said treat the question like a stop sign in the big book. Treat the question, like a Stop sign stop ask the question Get some information this is going to be now the process that we'll experience every time we're together I ask a lot of questions. I give out some information. I ask you to take some action. That's the alchemy that makes this process effective, is the action. Information is important, but it doesn't necessarily mean transformation. In fact, the man who helped me at five years of sobriety said, Herb, you have a lot of information. You're four years sober. you have a graduate education in philosophy psychology theology you studied to be a catholic priest and a psychologist oh my god her you're four years sober her you go to book studies and step study sir you have allot of information we're in a restaurant in a public place and he's doing this and he is talking very loud he said but you have very little transformation I hope you get that because he said you have academic knowledge that's never gone through the filter of your heart to your feet and you have very little experience which is the promise of getting some information taking some action and having an experience but what happens when you have an experience is it raises more questions and this is the dynamic process it doesn't have a conclusion as long as you're alive and conscious and pressed up against it. I heard a quote from Einstein. I don't read Einstein, but I love pithy quotes, P-I-T-H-Y, meaning succinct wisdom sayings. They catch my heart. They catch me. They catch the soul. The consciousness that created the problem cannot be the consciousness that solves the problem. And this man quoted Einstein after he gave me this information versus transformation business. He said, you need new experience, new knowledge. He quoted from the big book on page 58. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until you let go absolutely. And he said, can you let it go? Can you let that go absolutely? And I said, absolutely not. I knew that this was a serious man having a serious conversation. And he led me into what I now know is the set-aside attitude and the set aside prayer. I've changed it a little bit from some of the ways it's been phrased before, maybe in your experience, but it literally is an acknowledgement that I'm asking a power other than me to give me an ability to have a new knowledge and new experience. Notice it's not asking this power to give me the power to set it aside. It's asking for spiritual intervention that this power enter into my heart and into my soul, and literally with a crowbar open my mind and open my heart to set aside the prior information and knowledge which I'm very attached to. part of assignment one is to create your own set aside prayer or use the one in the way of life document every morning at some point maybe after your coffee and your bio care but sometime in the morning as you start your day pray the set aside prayer at least your version of it it could be very succinct or very different than this prayer is not about words it's about intention and then i suggest very strongly that anytime you sit down to do any of the assignments that you pray the a set aside prayer. It's bringing you back into focus. I'm asking for help to have an open mind and open heart and a clean whiteboard. You're asking whatever this power is, spirit of the universe is a great phrase to enter in and write new information and give me new experience. so please join me again you're on mute or are intended to be you're welcome to pray it out loud you're welcomed to pray silently you're not to pray at all but I hope you can hold the intention God please set aside everything that I think I know about myself my addiction my unmanageability the 12 steps and you for an open mind and a new experience with myself my addiction my un-manage ability the 12th steps and especially you so these assignments have a process to it i've just suggested prayer that opens the heart that opens to mind at least that's the intention of it again no rules merely suggestions this was the way this man led me into my first assignment he gave me a reading assignment from the big book we will do it sequentially usually when we get to step two we'll bounce around a little bit when we get to the second half of step one we'll bounce around a lot but they will have a logic to them perhaps after you finish them i will give you some questions to reflect on as i already have some writing to do the writing is critical because it puts your thoughts and your feelings on paper, which establishes some concreteness to the process for yourself. And then on Tuesday night, every Tuesday night we'll be discussing that. We'll stay very focused. It's not a general meeting for problems. It is a specific gathering to talk about the process. The most important thing is to come from your heart, not just your head. A lot of us protect ourselves from vulnerability by staying in our head and I'll be asking you to open yourself up to your emotions, to your feelings, to yours senses, to intuition, to inspirations, to your instincts all the areas in us that allow us to know at the soul level more questions these are questions that are in the way of life document that i want you to discern over this next week where is my life not working how effective have my efforts been do i really want to change what change do i need and you might want to be specific about that the way you think the way você sente o jeito que você se comporta especialmente a maneira que você behave. But my favorite question is, what is my invitation for this journey? I use that question, that final question every morning when I finish my morning practice of meditation and contemplation. That's how I end my reflection and my discernment. What's the invitation for today i have a habit now for the last 10 years of using the same question for the entire months of october november and december three months as a question about the coming year what's my invitation in all the areas of my life And I keep it open with the set aside attitude. My succinct version of the set-aside prayer is, Holy Spirit, open up my heart and my head. Release me from up till now. Detach me from after now and allow me to be fully present in the now. It's just my version. It's the one I know. It was given to me as a gift in my meditation. It's what I don't have to read. It is part of my being at this point. Bill got sober because of the Oxford group. The Oxford group wasn't about alcohol. They didn't even like alcoholics. but carl jung had suggested that roland hazard find a spiritual experience by 1932 probably 3132 and roland found the oxford group roland reached out to abby thatcher brought him to the ox for a group heavy thatcher reached out the bill wilson who brought him through the oxford group bill worked the steps and had his experience work the steps on page 13 in the big book of bill's story and on page 14 he had his mountaintop experience he got free from alcohol and he knew his ministry his life was dedicated to helping other people bill reached out to bob smith who was already in the oxford group so the auction group is critical for the first four years of alcoholics anonymous Those were the meetings that Bill and Bob went to, the Oxford Group meetings. Those are the steps that they worked. But fortunately for us, Bill had the group conscience to write a book about his experience as a textbook to codify so that it wouldn't get diluted by people's opinions and or experience going forward. forward. And he wrote the big book in 1939. And when he reflected on those six steps, he said I need to eliminate any wiggle room for alcoholics. He spent about 20 to 30 minutes in meditation and used a eight by 11 pad and he had a pen or pencil in his hand and he wrote down the process as he remembered his experience from december of 1934 all the way up through to 1938 when he's having this meditation preparing chapter 5 how it works and once he finished his meditation and his writing he numbered them and there were 12. and he was kind of amazed that there were 12 and he loved the coincidence he said well i guess if we have 12 apostles we have12 steps that's really good that's the story i've heard him say it himself fortunately he developed those steps and put them in the big book in 1939 that was his first legacy to us the traditions were developed and published in 1950 that's the second legacy another set of principles for the group unity the 12 steps are for the individual the 12 traditions are forthe group and then he developed the 12 concepts later on because he had a business to run it happened to be a non-profit spiritual enterprise and he wrote quite frankly a business plan using these 12 spiritual principles that he developed called the concepts this year i'll be doing a saturday workshop monthly workshop the first six months on the traditions in the second six months of the concepts in addition to this work that we're doing on a weekly basis on the steps so you'll have at least an opportunity for an overview of the other legacies but legacy one is the most important one and the point of this gathering today as i mentioned spirituality is about relationship bill gave us the first three steps to establish a relationship with power the next four steps to establish a relationship with ourselves the next two steps and you could include 10 in this in in in a way that would be very relevant in our relationship with others but i keep it the way bill built it because he calls 10 through 12 our way of life we need three things said the spiritual teachers in ancient traditions if we're going to walk a decent human path as well as a spiritual path not seeing any real difference between a human path and a spiritual power the ancients we need a path we need a teacher and we need a community we're very fortunate in the 12 step culture the path are the steps the sponsor is the teacher the community is our fellowship we've got a program that suggests meetings meetings are not the program let's be very clear about that meetings are not the program they're integral because they create a fellowship but the steps create a spiritual fellowship those are in the big book as a textbook and the book contains the precise directions once i had somebody shine a light on the path that they had walked so that I could walk the path in the light of their experience. Prayer is an integral part because we're powerless and if you don't believe it, it's okay. One of the silver bullets of the 12-step culture is that we don't have to believe anything. It's about willingness and having an attitude to reduce our suffering and to take some action. Service is an essential part once we complete the steps. Step 12 is replete with carrying the message and practicing principles. We'll talk about some of that at the beginning of the workshop. so that we have a broader perspective than just burrowing into the problem of addiction but from my standpoint and that's why it's in a different color the most important moving part in the 12-step program is having a sponsor a sponsor is a person who has some knowledge and some experience and is willing to share that i've done a workshop on sponsorship it's on youtube if you're interested in that i recommend everybody have a sponsor i recommend some people have a step guide in addition to that some sponsors are not knowledgeable about the steps or they may not be knowledgeable of the steps out of the big book they may have worked them out of a different mechanism we have a monthly step guide meeting for people who are interested in being a step guide and i have a list of people who have volunteered to be sponsors and step guides in different fellowships different genders different locations and in fact it's an international list more about that later the whole point of this process is to have a spiritual awakening the whole part of this is to be able to the whole of this whole point of this process is to have a spiritual awakening the one word I use among many words that you'll hear from me that would be a synonym for that spiritual awakening is a change this is the guarantee of step 12 that's why we're starting with Step 12. We're starting with Step 12, looking at a spiritual experience, Appendix 2. Next week, the following week, we'll look at Step 11 because it's the primary tool of awakening. The following week we'll looked at Step 10 because it is the primary tool of keeping the channel clear the following week we'll look at sponsorship and step guide that whole concept and experience and so in a way we're starting backwards isn't it wonderful that we're going to have a road map of where we're doing and what the tools are for getting there and then we're going to begin taking a look at the roman numerals assignment 2 talks about the roman numeral i believe it does and and you're welcome to take a look at assignment two because it has some questions in it and it has the reading of the roman numerals which you can do as a task while we're doing steps 12 11 and 10. i want you to be reading the roman numeral from the cover the title page up two but not including the doctor's opinion and while you're reading it asking yourself those four questions that are indicated in assignment too you have four to six weeks to do that reading to do that assignment because i want to immerse you in my understanding and experience with step 11 and step 10 and sponsorship and step guide that whole journey and then by the time we get to the roman numerals you'll have had a chance to read it and highlight it and ask yourself these four questions but don't answer it until after you finish reading four to six weeks from now i'll be counseling you with regard to the progress on the assignment so you don't have to if it's a little fuzzy or confusing right now just breathe it'll all be very clear we don't rush we don t go slow but we don' t go fast we try to hit the middle road the middle pace but those four questions are critically important to ask and then as i indicated in the dynamic of the ask and answer question process to hold the question not answer it to hold a question in the milieu of prayer you'll have prayed to set aside prayer and in that milieu in that environment you'll be asking yourself that question as you're reading the Roman numerals. Do I really want to do this thing? Why? Am I willing to go to any length and what does that even mean? I hear it all the time. There's a specific answer to that question. And then a question that we don't often ask ourselves or confront ourselves with. Where am I being dishonest? with others? Where am I being dishonest with myself? Ask, but don't answer those questions until after you've finished reading and highlighting those Roman numerals, up to but not including the doctor's opinion. Again, date it when you finish reading and you finish your discernment and you've written out your answers to those four questions dated put this information these questions and your answers in these dates in a place that you can access in November because in November I'm going to be asking you some other questions that will be curtain rending questions they will pull the curtain back and you'll be able to see some things that you have not been able to see before i'm looking at my notes now when you registered and i'm assuming that you are registered you need to register for this workshop because we have a separate database for this workshop and we'll send out communications just to the people in registered for this workshop so that will be important you will receive some confirmation i believe in tanya and ali who are my administrative support for this uh we'll talk about that uh when i stop talking uh so that you know what to expect in terms of communication if you have questions by the way and uh some other comment that you want to make you're welcome to raise your hands in the through the icon at the bottom and reaction icon so that you can be in the queue we will call on you in the order of your hands raised just as a heads up as part of that registration there was a participation agreement you may have read it you may not have i encourage you to read it all it says is you're in for a journey you're infer some suffering i'm not responsible for your journey or your suffering if you awaken it's wonderful but i'm not responsible that either it's really my way of covering myself if you will from those people who might want to blame me for their suffering um i want to be very clear uh as i mentioned i'm a big book literalist and fundamentalist i've done some substantial work in study of the history of the development of aa and the interpretation of the big book and the steps so i have some knowledge but uh i i don't have any certifications i don'T HAVE ANY DEGREES I AM NOT TRAINED AS AN EXPERT IN ANY OF THIS i'll be sharing with you like one of you uh as one of you just a participant in a 12-step community sharing my experience i am very experienced with this i've gone through the steps four different times with four different step mechanics over a 20-year period and what you're going to receive is an amalgam of that experience it's all put together making a hopefully a seamless garment out of those four experiences that i had my wife of 52 years died four years ago and um she was the one that introduced as i might have indicated in my comments about the hospital program she introduced me to recovery i'm forever grateful for that i don't know whether i'd ever found it on my own we have three adult children two of whom are in a 12-step program and seven grandchildren one in AA for 30 years one in Al-Anon for 30 years I'm very passionate about this work because I was a seeker since I was 10 or 12 years old and I came into AA a in 1984 and in 1988 i became a finder i'm forever grateful for that transition from seeker to finder it's much better to be a findner than as just a seeker and what i mean by that is i had that spiritual awakening it wasn't the mystical mountaintop that bill had but it is the kind that's described in appendix two that gradual gradual very slow like the dimmer switch versus the light switch process and it has been sustained and broadened and deepened as I've stayed consistent and diligent with this process so I know that it has reduced my suffering and give me a life that flourishes and because I know that I know That's true for you to have been doing these workshops now for 25 years And I've seen tens and hundreds and now thousands of people have the experience of changing their lives. It didn't happen in a month or two, but it inevitably happened at least visibly and measurably sometime before the end of the workshop. for everybody who continued to the workshop and was reasonably diligent about doing the assignments it doesn't we don't get this by osmosis you know i think that's probably enough for right now i'll look at my notes and add anything uh more later on uh next week yeah so i'm going to now go off of the powerpoint and ask tanya i believe to make some announcements and they'll probably be a little more than normal just because we're in the beginning and it is being recorded so bear with us as we make these announcements and perhaps ali will introduce herself also go ahead tanya please yes good evening my name is tanya i'm a compulsive overeater and your co-host for this workshop and i'm going to give a chance for ali to introduce herself she's the other co- host and we're your administrators for this workshop for the year ali go ahead hi everyone ali alcoholic uh really excited to be here really um really excited and enthused and uh it's it's pretty um it's pretty special to see the level of participation and all the questions that we've gotten some really thoughtful questions some really great questions i'm i'm like heartwarmed by everyone who um anyway i'll shut up but um it'S great to be here if you guys have any questions do you need anything um if you're not sure if it's a stupid question i welcome stupid questions and i'm familiar with most of them because i've asked them so feel free to reach out anytime thanks thanks ellie thanks ali yes so welcome to welcome to herb case tuesday night 22 2022 big book workshop we are so glad you're participating and thank you for embarking with us on this great adventure it's my fourth year with herb and every single year uh it's a different level of transformation that i'm experiencing so i'm just saying to you you're in the right place so for like ali said and she invited you to write to her for questions regarding assignments registration like upcoming workshops events please contact ali and her email address is in the chat at ali.herbk gmail.com so in any workshop and tonight as well during the q a period there are two ways for you to ask questions to herb the first way is to write your question directly to me tanya or to ali through the chat and we will ask it on your behalf you can select my name or ali's name from the drop down menu and in the chat write what your question is the other way which is the more direct way if you would like to speak to her please raise your zoom hand and her book call on you in order of appearance the hand icon is located at the bottom of the zoom screen under reactions i'm going to go through some zoom best practices for everybody's concern so we ask that everybody keep themselves on mute during the meeting the chat area is reserved for administrative announcement and information posted by the hosts by the co-hosts otherwise it can be distracting to participants so attendees may chat with the co-host directly should you have any immediate administrative or technical issues the co hosts tonight are ali and me we will open the chat for all participants at the end of the meeting like around 9 00 pm if you're eating exercising driving or multitasking while attending the workshop please stop your video out of consideration for other participants the flickering of ceiling fans is also difficult for some participants so thank you um i'm gonna talk about donations next it's time to pass the basket we usually in an in-person meeting we pass the baskets so it's time to pass the basket although this workshop is not affiliated with a 12-step fellowship we observe the culture and spirit we ask participants to cover all administration expenses and other costs like in fellowship meetings the suggested contribution is five dollars per session for their own convenience some participants prepay monthly quarterly or even annually Thus, we announce Pass the Basket to remind you to use the methods for contribution indicated in the chat. You may pay by Venmo, PayPal, Zelle and Check. And we thank you for your generosity. Your contributions make a big difference. And please never let money prevent you from attending. We want it to be helpful to all who want and need a change. so thank you for allowing me to be of service and these are all the announcements for tonight thank you so much uh tanya for that and ali for your enthusiasm i see your hand up is it that you have some additional comments to make about the orientation if i could that'd be great yeah Just a couple just that might be helpful. Um, I, I just had a suggestion for anyone I have had a handful of folks who have reached out who are not either receiving the, the welcome email or aren't getting the info after registering and I've confirmed that you're registered successfully one thing that i suggest uh is to add herb's email address to your contacts or check your spam and just make sure that you add them to um your white list basically so that the email communications from now moving forward including the homework and the links and everything that you'll receive it um that should be helpful in that regard and then uh if you want to confirm whether or not you're um i know it's been said a couple different ways but an easy way to confirm that and the best way is to send an email um the chat is great but things sometimes get lost and we're trying to soak everything up as well as answer everyone's question so an email is a really great way um to do that and then herb i i hope this is an okay question but i have gotten it and i was hoping that you might be able to answer it for those who have asked i've received several times um the question of whether you have to be abstinent to be a participant in this group no rules or else no rules i would prefer that you don't drink during the uh workshop or use drugs yeah about better coming from you and thank you thank you so much yeah we have no rules um so we just have some suggestions if you want to get free and And that's really, if I were to summarize, and I do a lot of that synonym for all of the words that I use, because I use a lot of words, but the most precise word I could use is freedom. The steps don't guarantee you happiness, but they do guarantee you freedom. we'll look more specifically at that next week when we look at what is the meaning of spiritual awakening but the meaning precisely in the big book and i'm not interpreting this i'm i will give you precise direction out of the big book about this promise is freedom from addiction that's the promise spiritual awakening and freedom from unmanageability freedom from addiction the first half of the first step freedom from unmanagability from the inclination of our human nature freedom that's the promise of this 12-step process so thank you so much Ali and you can see that with all of the announcements and all the activities the gift that Zoom has become for certainly me and for everybody who can access it we wouldn't be able to do this robust level of uh work with with and for you uh without the zoom and one of the couple things that i wanted to get on recording is that we can't guarantee confidentiality so if you're concerned about that keep your picture off and and don't don't make any comments if you're a concern but because i cannot guarantee confidential We do the best we can to protect your participation in anything you would say, but today it's recorded for the balance of the year. It will not be recorded. We have enough recordings that on comments and experiences that we don't need any more recordings of that. But I wanted to record these instructions because this workshop is different than any workshop workshop I've ever done in terms of both my approach and my instructions and the homework. So if you're listening to anything that's been recorded, whatever the homework is in the recording, do not pay attention to it. The recordings, excuse me, the homework that I'll be giving you for this workshop will be unique to this workshop. And I will be making it up every workshop, it'll be it won't be formulaic, it will be specifically geared and tailored to where we're at in the particular step process. And I move around a bit, so stay loose. Don't get rigid about this thing. But the announcement that Tanya made about asking for volunteers, that will really help in terms of confirming if there was any misunderstanding or lack of awareness or they missed some notes on what the assignment is be assured. And they'll work out sort of the rhythm of responsibilities. It won't be three people every workshop, it'll just be divided out in some reasonable fashion. Tanya's comments concerning the basket are really important. I don't focus on money. I don't do any of this work for money. None of it goes to me personally. All of it goes to support this work. And it's expensive, both the technical support, the web support, the administrative support, the editing support, the recording, the maintenance of all the technology, et cetera. So I even have to have insurance, okay? Because of course, I mean, at least in California, we're very litigious here, need to live in protection. um yeah um the centering prayer announcement that's a separate item outside of the 12-step culture it's a formal process a special kind of meditation called centering prayer it's a contemplative practice it supplements step 11 but it is not step 11 and i'll talk about that if in fact you would plan on attending the second and fourth wednesday of the month in the evening they um this year i'm committed to doing four sessions on uh resentments column three column four i found that that's the most impactful work that we do in the workshop by by overwhelming comment from people um the most transformation happens in resentment column 3 and column 4. and i'm going to do a session every quarter so i'll be doing four different sessions they will all be the same except that the population will be different therefore the comments and experience will be different but hopefully those will be of some value to some of you i want to uh call myself out two or three years ago in uh in person in palace verdes i said raise my hand and do i have to have a new big book i've got one that's kind of new and you said i think how free do you want to be and i came back to you later and raised my hand and said you were right uh stuff that's already underlined is i will have a completely different experience so if there's anyone that didn't hear that tonight i'm gonna buy myself a new fourth edition like probably they're 10 or 12 bucks and uh it was you know for whatever it's worth yeah and uh thank you first for commenting on that uh as a emphasis because that's a really good point the people who have been through the workshop before that's that that that suggestion is stands for them absolutely i have had a new big book every time i've done the step work so i've got a little shelf of used big books and i have no idea what i'll do with them at some point but uh if you want a new experience yeah thank you so much thank you i remember the first time i did this somebody on this day made these comments and it was so helpful because you actually already said it breathe just breathe It's, you know, if I looked at the chat stream, I would be like, Oh my God, there's so much information there. How the heck am I ever going to keep up with all of this? And I can tell you, if you registered and got the email, and you downloaded the way of life document in the assignment sheets, and either loaded them into your computer, or printed them into a book, that is all you're really gonna need for the next couple of weeks because it really does, while Herb said he moves fast, but not too fast and not too slow, then the next couple of weeks really level out the pace. And if I can make one recommendation, which was made to me is like anything else I do, I have to set aside time every day to make my meals. I have to set aside time every day to do my morning and evening meditations. And I have to set it aside, I would say about 20 minutes a day or about an hour or maybe a little more a week to do this, to get ready for coming back the following week to meet in this group again. And having done that has made it really easy. You know, I stuck the assignments into a book and I bought a bunch of loose leaf and I just take notes as we go along and the assignments don't go as fast as you see them in the book. Right. I know Herb will talk about specific things he's going to want us to do each week and we may spend, you're going to spend some time on like assignment one. So don't be overwhelmed. It really becomes at a much easier pace once we get rolling past today. today was so overwhelming the first time and I'm actually feeling it again but knowing having done it I'm like okay I know where this is going to go. So I just wanted to put that out there because I know somebody did that for me so I just want to do it for everybody here. Thank you. Wonderful, wonderful comments. Yeah you put some sanity into us so especially the idea of breathe please breathe we're here not as a class that you're going to get graded on or a performance that you are going to be evaluated on no no none of that nope and it's meant to help I don't have an agenda here other than that the only lens I look through is how can I help and so matthew god bless you for bringing the the serenity at the conclusion of uh the workshop because again you come for a drink of water and you get a fire hose sometimes so i appreciate that um also your point and uh i don't want to scare you away but because you're going to do whatever it is you're gonna do and and be comfortable with that but if you're going to get the most out of this, you probably need to think in terms of three hours a week other than the workshop. I don't see how you will do much of what we're doing if you don't allocate about three hours a week and that includes the reading and the listening and the writing. And so it might be three to five hours. And Matthew's point, some of us don't work in a disciplined way like daily and regimented and organized. Some of us work in our own schedule. But if the way to do, if you have a dental appointment, you make an appointment and then you keep it. The way to approach this is make an employment with yourself. we've we've got some now uh quote assignment to do between now and next week take a look at your calendar and say what when and where am i going to set up some time to do that knowing that it's going to take anywhere from one to five hours especially in matthew you made a wonderful point until you get a sense of the rhythm of it and it'll be about a month before you get a sense of the rhythm of what we're doing so i really appreciate your comments man i couldn't get anywhere else i couldn t get i've been in 12-step programs for 23 years until i did this step three and four step four this way yeah so it's not easy i'm not going to say it's that easy and it's sometimes a bit painful but it's a lot less painful than living in that personality yeah well yeah the author group called this work soul surgery now nobody likes surgery but everybody likes the possibility of the healing afterwards that's what this work is think in those terms there will be some pain and work involved but on the other side of it if you want to treat this as a meeting and attend just listening and getting whatever you get by osmosis that's wonderful because it will impact you just being here and listening not doing any of the work i've had people give me reports on that it will help because of the vulnerability and the substantial sharing that is uh offered in experience from the people on the call so please attend even as a meeting and even infrequently you don't have to be here every week but i guarantee you if you expose yourself to this group over a period of time it will have its way with you thank you so much one of the things that came to mind when he was talking there about the um about the old being overwhelmed i was very overwhelmed when i started last year because i was a month late coming into the group and it took a while for registration and for a lot of information to get caught up but you know what i found at the end of every session and with even each frustration i still felt a tremendous amount of gratitude and um um and i felt like it was being a gift given a gift every time i picked up an assignment so whether i was overwhelmed at the moment or not if i was reading something that was assigned from the big book it was like wow i never read that before or i read that before but it never meant that me before um and it was a continuum of that kind of an experience throughout the whole year and um even the things i didn't like i i found myself going to bed at night sometimes with tears in my eyes thinking thank you for showing me that about myself because i didn t know it before now i never want to do it again you know so for those of you who are feeling the pressure of this yeah there is a lot of material and it's you're being hit with it all at once but we do it piece by piece yes i did and um but at the same time i found that every piece was such a treasure it really was difficult or not some things were really joy some things were bittersweet and and things like that but every bit was a treasure so i do have a couple participant questions that i was going to pass along from the chat um one the first question that was can i have a spirit spiritual experience if i'm not abstinent We'll see what we will see, won't we? And then the other question was I don't have a sponsor at the moment. Can can I still do this workshop? Are there people here who can help the answers? Yes, yes, yes. Do the workshop and resolve the sponsorship when and if you want to There was one more. You recommended... There always is with you. Isn't there though? Gosh, it's like too easy. It's too easy, that's what I'm here for, the butt of the jokes. You mentioned a fresh copy of the big book, the 12 and 12, same thing? i would recommend that uh the 12 and 12 hasn't had any revisions in it and so i'm not even sure you know but i have like four copies of the 12-12 because i approach it i want a clean one and so I start afresh and it's interesting what pops out so So I would recommend that, yeah. Thank you so much for that. Great, yeah, thank you. Hi, everybody. I am so excited. I'm so excited for this workshop. I'm looking at some of my heroes from the past workshops. I'm just so excited, I don't even know how many times I've done it honestly now. But I wanted to share this i think it's to me it's really important no matter where you're at in your recovery or your journey or whatever um your participation is incredibly helpful in my experience when i've listened to people come up and face themselves and look at these things your light would trigger light in me like i would get freedom from watching people ask the stupid questions and look at themselves and kind of put themselves on the you know the chopping block if you will or or in the spotlight and i just wanted i just want you to know that you're you whoever you are and all of you are incredibly valuable like it's it's just you matter it's valuable it's wonderful there's no wrong questions and there's no bad place to be in this right and um i am just from my experience from this and me and my expectations i'm completely raw and vulnerable already and it's so powerful and i'm so excited so um it's really good to see everybody good to have you back in the group and your enthusiasm i know that you were with us in physical when we were having those meetings probably four or five years uh regularly you took care of us so i really appreciate your being here with your enthusiasm when people share their words their thoughts their experiences their feelings it puts into words things that other people don't have words for so it really helps a lot for your sharing no matter at what level you're sharing or where you're at in your own recovery but it's good to be here with you again and um i raised my hand because i wanted to uh you know be in the middle of the herd rather than um an outsider when i don't share i really don't participate as strongly so just want to say that for uh the rest of uh if there's anybody else that's a loner here um don't follow me um because yeah but i'm i also want to say that i'm a little nervous um i'm excited to start um you know another series of steps and work on it and um i haven't been very successful at working with a step guide or a sponsor so i'm kind of doing it on my own and um i'm saying that because um i m looking forward to working with other people in the group so there's only what 300 people here so maybe if anybody's interested i'm definitely interested in working the steps with others um so it doesn't have to be a large group for me um and something about the set aside prayer which means a lot to me and thank you for um you kind of brought it back to me to my life i i got you know in the meetings you used to give these cards so i have a card like this in every room in my home so um i always remember you know it's where i chop my salads and in the bath you know in the bathroom in my bedroom so there's a few of these so if you can i think that's an easy way to remember to say the prayer every day now thank you so much for everything you do so thank you very much and and you're reminding me also of uh an experience that was brought to my attention by many people where they formed small groups maybe two or three people or maybe five to ten people small groups of people that in between tuesdays they formed and they had their own zoom meetings to talk about the assignment and the book and there and their work with it and they found it incredibly helpful that small cohorts of people so i'm so glad that you mentioned that we will continue to mention and encourage that going forward because it's a very powerful support mechanism thank you yeah hi can you hear me yes very nicely how do you feel about it now Oh, about what? About the workshop. Well I'm really anxious and I'm happy to be a part of this. And I'm here because I need all of this, but I am a little overwhelmed. I gotta tell you, I'm slow. I'm real slow at writing. I was trying to take notes on everything so I have a couple questions and Anne-Marie I loved hanging out with you yesterday. We guys know each other pretty well. We couldn't figure out why nobody was showing up but now I know why they're all here today. And then somebody else came on and told me, hey are you trying to get in the workshop? I said yes she said we'll come back tomorrow. I said oh it's only Tuesday. Okay but anyway Herb it's amazing to see. I've seen you speak before and I'm really really honored and uh blessed to be able to be here anyway so um i i just want to know because i am really slow i have a couple things going on with me um so i as far as taking notes and stuff i was trying to write all the stuff down and then i want and i just when i found the chat it's like well there's a lot of information in the chat that i'd be interested in so how long do we have to to access that if we want to get some information off of there tanya ali i don't know the answer to that question yeah i i think everything that is in the chat is on herbk.com so that should be your resource for any information any upcoming event thank you so much okay and then i have a couple other quick questions um so when we were talking about you suggest that we use addiction keep the dictionary handy when we're doing the assignments instead of reading the book um reading it uh so i'm just wondering do you use like a regular dictionary or do you uh suggest that they have the ones that are for the big book and for that 12. i recommend the commercial dictionaries of any kind that you want i recommend against using anything that's produced that talks about being a big book dictionary i have found them to be 70 to 80 percent really good and 20 to 30 percent really bad okay thank you so much dictionary okay i got you thank you so much i appreciate that and i'm so glad you asked it yeah hi um thank you for for putting this all together and i m really excited i have um been in recovery for a number of years i'm in recovery from alcohol and from food addiction and i have never heard of you at all this whole my whole time that i've been in here so i have just it's been like a wildfire since i heard i was on a zoom meeting for my fa meeting and someone talked about this book called emotional sobriety and so what i wanted to say was i'm i feel like because of the work content toward that that's going to happen here maybe would you say that it's best to just focus on one thing only and maybe i'll put that aside because i'm looking at that work and that's a lot of work in that book and then this too and i feel like in working they're very different but complementary work and it's a great question that's right um dr allenberger and i do a lot of work emotional sobriety but that came after 20 years of doing this work and for him probably about the same time because he's he has a lot longer term sobriety than i do but uh you figure out what what you want to focus on they're they're both important and uh depending on what your time is and what your level of need is that um if i were to without and i don't know you So I would say doing the step work is the foundation for emotional sobriety. So attend his meetings and read his book, great, but don't spend a lot of time in the work unless you feel that it's really resonating with where you're at in your own personal emotional development. But I would think that the stepwork as spend a little experimental time kicking our tires and see whether or not you resonate with what we're doing. Yeah. And then I signed up for your next Saturday for the columns three and four, because I'm like, like, I'm all or nothing kind of girl. I did that. And so I'm signed up, but I'm not even on step four yet. So I'm thinking I might be getting a little ahead of myself. You are getting very ahead of yourself. So maybe not do that. Maybe I could do like just do this right now. if you haven't done step four out of the big book with a extended version of column three column four you would be wasting your time okay so i won't do that and then are we ever going to get phone numbers there's so many great people that are talking and is this a group that does phone numbers as well or no let me um let me think about that i understand exactly um when we have our physical workshop I would make a list of the participants and we would hand them out to the group but it would be on the basis that they gave permission to me to put them in the list I haven't got that permission from people at this point so let me think about that and I'll have an approach for you next week okay thank you no it's a great question I really appreciate your being here i was resistant to coming for some reason and so i knew i needed to that was that was my take on it so i'm so glad that we're in resonance yep so i decided that this is for everybody saying susie supported me in my physical workshops the entire time i was doing it i think you know yeah so and i just i'm really and i'm now that i'm here i'm very happy that i am here good and i just i wanted to say that i am i would like to host a smaller group so i've taken down like everybody i put my information in the chat right and i have a zoom account so i can so we can meet for however long so i'm set up that way and i've shaken down everybody's information that had chatted, that had put their information in so far. So if anybody is interested, I've been through this process before, so once or twice. So yeah, I'm a firm believer. You followed the invitation? Yes, I did. That's wonderful, thank you so much. I just wanted to give a shout out. I've had so much recovery from in-person workshops with you in Culver City. And, you know, I've seen your emails coming through over the last couple of years and I'm just so grateful that you are continuing to do this and in full force. And for those who have not done this stay for the ride and thank you so much. It reminds me that if you're not receiving emails from me, you're in my database. But if you are on this call and you're registered, you will be in the database. So I'm glad you all have a fresh new delete button because you'll be receiving lots of information. Thanks very much. Questions are if it matters what step you're on or if you were new to the steps? No. And then the question was asked, what is a 12 step guide? Can you explain that? Yes. We'll talk about that a little bit later. But to answer the question, I had a sponsor who wasn't knowledgeable in the steps or the big book. And I didn't know that he didn't go, but I knew that I needed something other than him. and when i found that in a man i chose him as a step guide never a sponsor and he took me through the steps like a project manager so they're from my standpoint they're worlds apart from my experience but from my desire they should be like flip sides of the same coin the sponsor your primary duty is to take somebody through the steps, I believe. So that's a short version. If you recall, last year, I created a database for people to connect. So I'm noticing a lot of people are putting in the chat that they want to join small groups, etc, etc. Anyway, I'm saying is, I'm happy to resurrect it. And but if I could get maybe if Tanya, you can connect with me. If I get a little support on managing it. I don't know that I'm going to be on this workshop every time or not. I'm Happy to resurrect the document and maybe find someone to manage it. Just make sure you connect with Tanya and you guys work it out. That's great. Absolutely. Hi, thank you. I just was thinking about Carol and maybe somebody else what if they want to say what's in the chat because a lot has been put in the chat there's three little dots down on the lower right hand corner and if you click on that it'll the little thing will pop up and it'll say save chat and you just click on that and it will end up somewhere in your computer so if you want to try to find it you'll probably have to search on zoom the words it will find it or chat um anyway thanks at the same time perhaps tanya or ali could uh create some type of uh instruction on that and that will go out to the database also so that people will know that in the future i really appreciate that thank you so much yep i'm just going to make one recommendation to everyone in the room if you got the email save the email like if you printed it that's great but the email version is the one that has the clickable links thanks oh and so what and so i think you need to put that in a bigger context yeah so so as you work through these assignments the email version of the assignments have clickable link so when herb says listen to this watch that those links will take you right to whether it's on a podcast or whether it is in YouTube, the links are built-in. So if you printed it like I did and put in my book, the links aren't clickable. It's just going to say, you know, like looking at assignment one, orientation and assignment session one, click here. If it's printed, you can't click. So save the email version so you can click through as Herb gives out assignments. very important piece of information thank you matthew and maybe tanya and ali can incorporate that instruction also in whatever goes out from us as a confirmation of the assignments so that people will be at least conscious of that they can always go back to my uh website to have the the real version of the assignments with the active links. I'm not sure of all the vocabulary. Thank you so much, Matthew. That was really important. Everybody's making some wonderful comments here. Thank you. And I'm extremely excited to be here. I've been to a couple of your workshops with Herb and to anyone who's wondering if this is for you, the simple answer is yes and a couple people spoke about it just breathe relax take it easy keep it really really simple be gentle with yourselves that's what we learn how to do after we're here for a while you'll get exactly what you're supposed to do and if you're getting overexcited take a breath talk to god in that moment and then come back here keep it really really simple and gentle with yourself i love you and adore you and um i love your your your haircut yeah we have the same barbara and i'm looking forward to uh hanging out and listening and seeing where this takes me i'm really excited to be here thanks for putting it on thanks i'm wondering is there still going to be a zoom meeting on monday night open for discussion regarding this meeting tuesday will be that meeting tursday okay yeah no i've cut it i've cut it so that i'm not doing any teaching on the tuesdays now um it's just a meeting to discuss the assignment that we had from the prior tuesday okay all right i'm looking forward to it i'm a little nervous but i'm here it's an experiment i i don't know how it's going to work because obviously it depends on the people both doing the reading but also listening to the teaching which is unpacking the reading if they don't do that well they're going to miss out on the primary purpose of the workshop and i'll i'll emphasize that next time also so right well i'm happy to be here thank you thank you thanks so much i'm glad you're here um i'm 10 years sober and dealing with a 45-year food addiction now that i'm ready to get to the nuts and bolts of it and there's a saying when the student's ready the teacher will appear yep and somehow i got an email or signed up for the retreat mary and joseph i don't even know how it happened and then i started getting emails from you and it's like all of a sudden here i am it's like wow oh you talk about an invitation you got a special invite it's yeah and i'm all i'm very overwhelmed because i'm also doing a big book awakening um six month program okay and i'm also dealing with it and i'll also do another thing with you know like the sugar in the flower you'll have to make a decision about how you use your time because the big book awakening if it's what i'm referring to is a book by dan sherman and his work is very parallel to my work a little different but very parallel because he and i both went through the steps with the same person oh they're using the aa book i would hope so um yeah so it's not thank you for everything you're welcome thank you yeah and we try to have a little fun too all right everybody i think then let's pray we lost a lot of people as we meandered in our questions but quite frankly i'm glad that you all stayed uh well i don't have the i thought i had it up there but let's just pray the serenity prayer then god grant me the serendipity to accept the things i cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference Thanks, everybody. Thank you for your vibrant participation. That was wonderful.