Character Defects and the Three Column Inventory – Women’s Book Study – Part 11 of 13 – Bob A.

See, what you need to do is the defective character. Most all of us, any of us we have defective characters. Some are on the surface. Some are there very, very obvious. Like with mine, they were very obvious but there was also other defects that weren't so obvious and so just to recognize the defect of character I had to recognize it through people and because the only way I could see anger is through people that I hurt or harm or I'm with, I fight with, or whatever it is. And then the fear had to come with, it had to be listed with it. And it's a fear that stays with you even when the, like if you take a bank robber and you put him in jail so he don't rob banks. Now, he's got a defective character and they stopped him from using it, but I'll bet he still carries the fear around of getting caught because he might want to even think you're doing that again. And he'll bring that defect of that fear, fear of being found out, the fear of losing, the fearof anything like whatever life you live and the way you do things. Maybe you cheat a little bit on a bill or something like that. There's a fear that goes right with that cheating and all of this stuff like that The reason they have to be identified is because if you take the defective character away the fear still stays there it'll stay there and when it stays there you'll be walking along and you'll being antsy you'll upset you'll thinking thoughts wondering this, wondering that you can't have freedom so they control each other so for the three columns what do we do well the only reason one column is there is to put people there so that you can And really, as you go along, you'll find out it could be total strangers. It doesn't make no difference. It's something that you acquired. It's nothing that you do. It's not something that I do. It's just something that you produce. And when you go and take a look from this day on now till tonight you go to bed. Take a look and see how many things can you recognize or how many thing will come your mind that you don't like, that you like it differently or you wish it was another way or you wished it was another color or some other thing like that. See this is exactly what it's about. It's about a mind that does things and when it doesn't it shouldn't do these things because they're upsetting things. They're hurtful things, harmful things. Yeah? You know, that is the most common, the most asked question of all it is it really is there's nothing wrong with it it's legitimate it's the hardest like I told you in the beginning now the hardest thing to hear is of what the message is here in Alcoholics Anonymous about the day you're in the day your end is now could you live now can you live now you have to live now but you're going to have to be taught how to live now. And the way you have to be taught is by application. And application must mean something must be there. And what's there is principles, spiritual in their nature. You're building a new character, but you're not building this character by memory. You're not building it by reading it. You are building it living it. You have to start somewhere. And this is why step one is in the first position. It's because of what has to be there in principle. Because you must accept your most devastating weakness and all its consequences. You have to learn that you warped your mind glass in hand. In other words, you've got a mind that's distorted, it's aberrated, it's warped. And the way it got there, it got THERE because you lived like that. You thought like that and you build a character. Now we're not going to even talk about that character right now. Let's start building a new character let's go in a program of recovery instead of a program of failure a program of drunkenness let's do it let's put in a program of success now to have this what I'm talking about Adriana you're going to have to live it you're gonna have to use it in application these aren't things that you're gonna try to remember to do these aren'T things that you're gonna have to see what it says and then do it this is all about an application today living today by principles. Principles, spiritual in their nature. It says this. It means exactly that you cannot use what you brought here. What you brought her is your yesterdays, your defects. You brought the old character that's already built, already programmed, full of everything to tear the world apart. The new character has to be built. Each one of us have the same thing to do. I had to start somewhere. Where could I start? I got out of the hospital. I come out here to California, and I started talking to another man's God. That's the beginning, really, although that was a long time later. I've been to a lot of meetings. I've stayed sober. I haven't drank. I read. I do things. but I don't live any different I'm the same man sober as I'm drunk check your own track record out see if that isn't true see if you don't find yourself in the day you're in hating somebody wanting revenge wanting to punish somebody remembering nothing but their bad behavior that's the disease let's not talk about that why not talk abut how not to live like that why not live today so that you don't have to think it isn't necessary to think with people, no damn good it isn'T necessary I'm not feeding me now when they feed me I have to go to the crap, I haveto go to my yesterdays when I'm with God in a program of recovery it's about principles this is the hardest thing in the world to hear, and Adriana honestly but I keep pounding it, keep pounding it, keep pounding it. And that's the same way for me because it was trial and error for me. I had no success. Some days were total losses but some days weren't too. And as I went I found out I could have more. But I couldn't have it by my grace. I had to learn why step two and why step three are in the second and third position. If they'd have put them anyplace else none of us would make it. Not a one of us. If they mixed up the steps, we still couldn't make it. Because how could you build a character? Can you build a character up in eight and nine and start there, make eight number one and two? Impossible. You couldn't do it. But there is a way. In a way I'm talking about all the time. It's already in print. It says exactly everything you need to know. Everything is here. You don't even need to know how to do it. Just do what it says, and you're going to have great success. Your alcoholism will be treated. Michelle? When people come up to you, Bob, and maybe they don't come up to you like that, so I'll use myself. People come up to me and they start complaining about their kid or their, you know, and they don' t go, you know the usual, they don''t go away, and then right in your Well, I'll tell you what. Do you see any toxic people hanging around me? No. No. Well, we are. Well, it's because they don't. It's because they're not welcome there. They don't come to me and dump their stuff on me like that because I'm not there to be dumped on. If you're the person that's going to listen to this, if you'rethe person they come to and you're going to take this, you'rethedoormat. They're not. Well, how do you stop? How do you stop? Just turn around and walk away from them. Well, they couldn't come in my house. We're going to have to get a plaque out in front of your house. No toxic people allowed. Amy, you said you had them, no? No. Oh, okay. Jenny, do you have that number? I'm trying to. I'm thinking. No, it's okay. No, that's okay, I'm not self-talking. Let me think about it a minute. And I'll raise my hand again. Okay. Bob, I heard you say that in every page in Children's 12 there's something in there that you keep doing or not doing. how am I going to become aware that do I ask God or are there specific words in there that's going to fit into that? Well, the 12 by 12, everything is in here but it's very hard to read sometimes maybe by you or by somebody else or something else like that. And the only reason why is because of the fact that these are principles or these are a way of life that might not be familiar to you or whatever. But whatever page you turn to, the reason I say this is because this here, I don't care which page it is, without looking at it, I have to have my glasses and read it, I'll turn to a page. And the page I'm turning to is in 84. And it says, Alcoholics Anonymous, we usually want to sit down with some member of the family and readily admit the damage we have done by our drinking. Almost always we want to go further and admit other defects that have made us hard to live with. These will be very different occasions, and in sharp contrast with those hangover mornings when we alternated between revealing ourselves or blaming the family and everyone else for our troubles. At this first sitting, it is necessary only that we make a general admission of our defects. It may be unwise to stage or rehash certain harrowing episodes. Good judgment would suggest that we ought to take our time. You see, they're telling you here something to do. They're telling YOU by principle. These are words, but they're principles. Believe me. These are all... You must read... You have to... I have to read this book the way it's written. It's written for recovery. It'swritten by principles. This is not a storybook. This isn't a novel of any kind. This is an actual textbook. When you get a, like say your microwave, you get book that comes with it. It tells you how to do this and do that. This is the same thing. But this is telling you how live. This is telling if you will do this, this will happen. Any page, I never found a page yet. I've asked hundreds of alcoholics all over. You show me a page in here. in the 12 by 12, in the steps, where it says something in there that's impossible or it says Something in There That You Can't Do. See what it says when you turn. Self-righteous anger can also be very enjoyable. In a perverse way, we could actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority. Gotham, barbed with our anger, a plight form of murder by character assassination has the satisfaction for us to... Here we are not trying to help those we criticize. We're trying to proclaim our own righteousness. These are truths. These are facts. This is just like an AA of somebody commenting on somebody's personal life, talking gossip, barbed with anger, character assassination. These are all principles. This is learning how to live with everyone with unconditional love how could you have unconditional love when you start talking about somebody about their behavior about their personal life about something they're doing what kind of a mind does that give you you see here it tells you how not to do that it gives each of us every one of us a way of life from I don't care what walk of life you come from I've been with the smartest there is and I mean intelligent people people that are well-learned, well-schooled. And I've been with guys like me. I quit school in the eighth grade. I learned to live in a world by my own power. But you see, it doesn't make any difference where you come from. It doesn't making any difference about how smart or how dumb you are. This is all about how to live today under any condition. Doesn't make no difference. You could have had tragedy and it was real tragedy. I appreciate that. I myself have had great troubles also but there's never once can I ever use one of them for an excuse to hurt you to harm you to think bad of you never once can I do that I got the kindest person in the world right here and there's no way no way possible that I ever could ever do anything anything at all one thought could never be wrong I just couldn't do it it just wouldn't be there and it's not there but this is something I want. This is quality of my life. This belongs to me. My God gave it to me, you can't take it from me. I can throw it away, I can walk with myself, but I'm not going to pay that price, I'm just not going to do it. My life is important and when my life's important that means exactly that. Everything counts. The way I think, the way I act, the way we live, the way they talk, what I do, where I go what I see everything counts it has to be that way but this is all about this otherwise where would I find that how could I find it where would it be can I go to another book and find this I tried everything under the Sun this is a program recovery meetings I'm telling you this you know I've been to thousands of meetings to talk from this here stage that I'm talking from from words that are in print where are you going to go to hear this where are your going to find an application that will save your life will save a relationship with somebody that you love but without it you can't have it it just won't be there everything about this no matter how you look at it it's all about an individual collectively written because it has to be we, ourselves us, they, them and all that but until I put it on an individual basis me, I I started reading I started applying I started doing what I still do today I'm not here for none of you not a one of you am I here for that's not selfish don't get that wrong don't hear it wrong it means my life is going on and as my life goes on I grow spiritually I can take you with me if you want to go you can have everything I have if you want that but you see you have to do it just like I have to so make your life important to you start looking at this world the way you should look at it it's a world between you and God all things will follow from there when you do this what I'm talking about I'll guarantee you that from this moment on your thoughts your actions your way of life your memory the way you'll look at people will change and when it changes it's always for the best and you'll like it and you're like more of it because it does something inside each one of us it gives me the satisfaction inside to knowing that there's something there now guaranteed and it isn't me but it's a power greater than me it's the Lord of my life this is where I live I live in my unconscious subconscious mind this is where God is that's why I can go farther I can grow deeper at first I couldn't do this because I didn't know how to do it I was limited I was so much that I could only do certain things but then as my life started to associate with God in application now I can move farther I can talk about things I never could talk about these things before because I don't know these things my heavenly father says I'll give you the words I'll take you where you need to go I'll gave you everything you need in the moment you're in with me this is why this message that I'm talking about there's no rehearsal there's not there's a script there's now memory it's this and this only who supplies this where do you think I get my energy from Where do you think I get my ideas and my words from? You think I supply me with that? Do you think that I could do this personally? Does any of you think so? Do you know what I have to listen to that tape to find out what's on it? And yet I talked on it. Do you now I go home and listen to tapes to find what I said? Do you believe that? You better believe it because it's true. It has to be that way. How would any one of us know what to say. How could you possibly get ahead to know there's a message to say for who? I don't know who needs this message, I haven't any idea. But I know that I'm a messenger. I must deliver this message. This is how. Can I do that? Man, there's no way I could do that. How can I go back that many years? How can I read in a few short pages things that are there for all of us from any walk of life. It doesn't make no difference. This is all about the grace of God. This is what Bill Wilson was writing about when he was talking about emotional sobriety. He was talking abut something that it took him 23 years to find. It took me over two and a half years to make a beginning. How long it took to get this, I don't know in time, but I know it's there. It's a gift. It's from God. God gave me a gift for my life. In turn, I can transmit or I can carry this message this is all about alcoholic synonyms can you imagine that when I come here do you think for one minute that I would have stayed here if anybody would have talked to me this way the way I'm talking to you now I would run like a deer 436 we still got time Amy's got her hand up now Yes. Now I have a question. I actually talked to you about this once before. In developing a relationship with God, you say that you talk to God on a daily basis throughout the day. And it's something that I've been trying to do. I find that when I'm extremely grateful, I can talk to Him and say thank you. Or when I am in a lot of pain, I can say please help me. But like when things are just going okay, I don't know what to say except hey, I'm here, don't forget about me. What do you say? What do you talk about? I've never been a good conversational with myself. Even with yourself? Yeah, but you know what these I mean because there are times where I think about him and I'd like to acknowledge his presence but I just don't know what to say. What do you do? What you're talking about is step two. Step two is what has to be there. The first requirement is the open mind quit arguing and it means then that this power now that you are have you recognized yourself as a power do you identify yourself as the power when you live in the day you're in like say today or yesterday whenever it was do you ever look at yourself with the authority that you go to you you use you you talk to you you listen to you you act because you say it should be acted upon and so forth do you recognize that no you're asking me right now I'm beginning to see myself as a power I'm just beginning to I don't have full understanding of it yet well you don't need to understand it the only thing you have to do is recognize that you are a power because for you what it says in the steps I came to believe in a power greater than me if you don' t see yourself as a powerful person if you see yourself as a power then you'll never see your power greater then you you'll neve be able to recognize it you'llnever be ableto see it because of what is there. You see, you have to see yourself for who you really are. That's why step two doesn't define the power. If they just said you have to believe in God that would eliminate me in a big second. But it doesn't say that. It says I came to believe in a power greater than me. Now a power bigger than me, I can believe in that. I had a motorcycle that was more powerful than I was. That damn thing would kill you every time. But you see, it had to be looked at something different. I had to come to believe. That meant I had to keep an open mind. This is part of self-discipline. An open mind, you must understand or you must look at or you most be aware of an open mine. An open mine is a mine where self doesn't occupy it. Self isn't there already with preconceived ideas, opinions. An open mined is like right now. Leave your mind open and try to listen to what I'm saying. Leave your mine open. Don't dispute it. Don't say anything against it, for it. Just listen. Just listen and see if your mind can't be open. If it's open, then leave the quarreling business go. In other words, don't think anything other than the fact that have an open mind. Try to believe that there could be something that is there instead of you there could be a power greater than you with an open mind it's possible to do that because it doesn't close self doesn't argue against it and it allows you to have the quiet time that's really needed too and so this means the step two in application principle wise you're not doing it just because we're sitting here you're going to learn how to keep a mind open by principle in the day you're in and then you're also going to learn by principle is to quit quarreling quit finding fault quit looking at things one way or another way or wanting them different just leave your mind open leave it open if you can leave it opened other things will come and this is in your step now I'll be in step two in the reading of it and it's going to talk about God and it'S going to TALK about a lot of things but you see if your mind isn't open your mind will stay with self and if it stays with self there's no way that you can go any farther in your life in a recovery program because of what steps therefore step two qualifies all of us any of us to make a decision now the decision that we're going to make is to turn our will and our lives over to care of God as we understood him understood now is going back to truth that it's a power, and it's a power greater than you. It can give you sanity, soundness, wholeness of mind. It hasn't even named it, but it's a power. You see, if you can have this much going for you, what I'm talking about right now, then your mind is open, it's receptive. It's going to be receptive to a lot of things around you because your mind is open. It is not closed. It isn't full of preconceived ideas. It's not full of memory. An open mind is a mind I had to learn to do everywhere I go. My mind must stay open. But that's a principle. That's a way of living. That's the way of life. You have to make some kind of beginning. If you don't personally make this beginning what I'm talking about, you still have to go with yourself. You're still going to have to remember how to act and how to behave and what to say and what you want to do. You're going to self-talk. You're gonna get angry. You're gunna draw back and close your mind with you. And yet, though, you don't need to do that because what it says, I'm gunna come to believe in a power greater than me which will restore me to sanity. The only way you can do it is try it. Self-discipline. Is I want to have a power greater than mine or greater than me. I'm going to have my mind open. I'm gonna try my best right now to leave my mind open. The second that you put that willingness forward, now you can do something you've never done before. You can add something to your life. You can have something going for you now that you hadn't before. When you were going before, you were alone. You were all alone. You were with yourself all the time. You drew from self. You went to bed with self, woke up with self. You had to take self for what self was. step two is the opening it's the introduction of having to make a decision when you find out that this power is greater than you that your mind slows down and it will slow down in step two and when you find out that this here mind stays open it's receptive that you can make a decission now to do something you couldn't do before turn your will and your life over to care of something not you it's called God as I understood him from 2 you can actually honestly qualify the minute that you do this you have already what you need you have a power in you which isn't you it's a power that's in your mind even though you're there the power greater than you is there it's always greater than me you can start functioning different you can started looking with different knowledge different feelings different emotions everything starts right there this is the foundation right now what you're talking about this is what Michelle I was going to talk to Michelle about was learning how to do this learning how to do it in a day you live in the now why would you want to wait till tomorrow I don't think so I believe you should do it now now is now any attempt that you make anything that you try to do now is going to come to you that way because of the fact of what you're doing. You're trying to believe in a power greater than you and His name is God. But you see, to have this you must use it. You must apply it. The second you apply it you're using a power now. A power you didn't use before. You're using a power which is called God. This is important where you're at right now. It's important for Michelle too right now where she's at. Because of the fact that it isn't what you think it is. You don't have to run over in a corner and get on your knees and pray. You can do that. That's part of what you can do. But you still have to have something inside of you that's there already. And it is there already, but you're not using it. This is how you use it. You come to believe that there is something greater than you, better than you stronger than you. And that's who you're going to be with. keep going at this what I'm talking about because we've got yet tonight and tomorrow yeah no more than what I just got through talking about what I mean by that is step three the wording in step three it said I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to care of God as I understood him well I can read that But I don't know what that means. I'm not qualified. I have no information to qualify me to turn my will of my life over to care of God. I don'T know what my will of my wife is and I DON'T know what it means to believe or to try to turn it over or try to do anything. But the way it's worded though, it's Worded. I made a decision. Now the decision I made is to do something. To turn my Will of my Life over to Care of God Well, I found out in step two. My will and my life is what I was just talking there about. And I was talking about turning my will and mine life over to care of God as I understood Him. You see, before that I always turned my will of my life over the care of me because I was the authority. I was one who went to me. My mind stayed closed. I didn't know how to open it. I didn' t even know it needed to be opened. But you see, I'm telling you to do something. I'm calling you to try your very best with self-discipline. Leave your mind open right now. Try to leave it open. Don't let it talk to you. Don't allow yourself to talk to me. Don't say words to you and say words for you. Leave it open, try to leave the word open. The more that it stays open, the more receptive you can become because of what follows. Because there's going to be a power now greater than you. which will give you sanity, soundness and wholeness of mind. Leave your mind open and God will give it to you, just like that. But to use it is why step three is there. But first, you must qualify in two, so that when you go to three, three is what you do. You do something. You use your mind and your life in God's care. and it's understood from two exactly who that is and what that is now you can do something you didn't do before instead of you having a closed mind instead of talking to you all the time even though it comes and goes sometimes God is always there and God is also always the power greater than you no matter what you say no matter what you do there is still a power greater than you you can't overrule God this will always be there every time you ask for help every time you pray to God it'll be answered just like that just as quick as you say it it's going to be answered you might not think that but try it and see you give this a shot what I'm talking about right now your whole world will open up you'll have things now in your mind only that it'll blow you away to think that this here is all because of an application of steps by principles living them living them doing it the minute you do it you have it the second you do it it's yours it belongs to you what time are we supposed to quit five we got what fifteen minutes Nadine I have a question about when you find fault and you see something wrong you realize that it is the spiritual axiom thing the fault lies within myself do I need to know why or how or what that is or do I just first of all is that character effect whatever it is that I'm finding fault with and second of all do I needs to know why it bothers me Or do I need to just pick that up? Well, the most important thing about what you're talking about, about the spiritual axiom, is that whenever something is there that bothers you, the spiritual life is missing. So you don't have any reference to spiritual life is what it means. Next thing you know, you have to look inside of yourself to see what it is that's wrong. So that takes you out of looking at other people, looking at situations. This is all about what I talked before. This is the individual. You see, I quit quarreling with life. I quit quarelling with things. And this here happened down in step two. In this part about the spiritual axiom, it has to be identified for what it is because you'll find almost invariably, I've never seen it missed yet, that whenever something disturbs you no matter what the cause, the reason why it's because your mind is disturbing you. See, and yet though the cause there is no cause. It's because your mind won't accept something or your mind tells you something and what it tells you whether it's right or wrong makes no difference it affects you. See, the more you try this, the most you'll see how true that is on page 90 that whenever something disturbs me no matter what the cause I'm at fault and it's not the incident that disturbs you no no absolutely not no absolutely not no no it's you yourself inside of you you lost your spiritual contact you lost your association with God so this has got to be looked at for what it is because this will this what we're talking about now this will hurt relationships husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends whatever this is a major thing right now that I'm talking about you know on page 53 when it says in there I have the total inability to form a true partnership with another human being you know why? because my mind won't let me my mind will not give in it just won't and yet it should but it still won't but there's something the matter with me what it makes it makes me quit looking at the world quit looking to find fault quit looking at people all kinds of people and judging them criticizing them finding fault with them looking at them and wondering thoughts that I have no business I have no business thinking it'll clean it'll give you a good life I'll tell you yeah could you elaborate you said today that I don't know about you but how did you really heal that part of the inability to form a true partnership, like this is an example of what you can do to stay out of your way. Well this is what's in there Adriana is this is all in the step application of principles that does that it's not something I do personally it's not something i do as one person and then I just have a relationship now It isn't anything like that. It means the character that I am, the day I'm in. I don't need to have the things that I used to need to have that day the way it was because of the way it's worded in here. It talks in here, I've been especially stupid and stubborn about people and about the relationship that I have the total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. I don't have any idea how to love a person. I haven't any idea. I'm not capable of that by myself because I'm selfish, self-centered. Because in me says that I have to have what I want and the way I want it, when I want It and it's got to be then or it's never and stuff like that. To have this, what you're talking about now the total inability to form a true partnership is because I have to learn how to live in this world and be a giver. I have the ability to do that. I have been able to contribute to this world and I have To Be Somebody Now that I can't be by myself. I have The Show Unconditional Love. Now, I don't know if you know that word or what it means, but I certainly do. And Unconditional Love is the way my mind functions. No matter who you are, I'm going to take you for who you Are. I want you just the way you are. I don't want you to change. I don' t want you to act or treat me any different than you're doing. I don''t want you to stand on your head and spit nickels or nothing. I'm going to be I'm gonna be the man today that God says I can be. And this is true because if you don't get real honest with yourself get real self-honest with yourself. When I first got here I had so many things wrong with me that I'm telling you I was ashamed of my thoughts most of the time because I didn't like you and everybody I seen no matter who you were I still didn't liked you because I found fault you were black, I didn'y like you you were fat, I din'y liked you you were skinny, I did'y liket you were smarter than I was and I didn''y like it you dressed better you had a better car you had prettier wife I had a mind that just wouldn't stop. That mind kept me going all the time. Here I am sober and alcoholics anonymous. I'm the same man sober as I was drunk, and I knew it. And I couldn't face it because I didn't know what to do with it. And I fought. The only reason I fought is because I had the fight. I had chip on my shoulder. Everything I'd seen, I didn' t like. The guys I worked with, I think he's got a better job than I have. He must sleep with the boss or something like that. He seems to make more money than I do. What's the matter here? The picture I seen all the time was the same picture I looked at when I was drunk and I'm looking at it sober. I didn't know what it was like to see somebody for who they really are, to look for kindness in a person, to look For real love in a Person. I didn' t know how to do that. But I had to learn how to Do that. I had to learn how to appreciate people, all people, any people. I had learned that everywhere I go, them people aren't there because that's their job, they're a waitress or whatever they happen to be, they are there for a reason. The reason is for my life and I don't even know it. I can make this world, I can contribute to this world. I can somebody laugh, I could make somebody feel good. I can help somebody. And by doing that helps me. Where would you find this other than here? I don't know where. Money certainly can't buy this. You can't buying the kind of love, unconditional love, you can't find that. You can buy a love of a certain type, sure. But we're not talking about that. We're talking about living. We're talk about living, we can talk about that later. Yeah. Back to talking about the spiritual aspect, what about being a doormat? I mean, you know there are people that can be a doorman, I mean do you know what I'm saying? Sure, sure do. I absolutely do. How do you even know when you're crossing that line or not, how can I put this, how do you know when you're at fault or you're being a doormat? You know what I mean? Sure, sure. One of the first things that, you know, that I will teach, you know say I was working with you as a baby is that you're going to have to learn to stand on your own two feet. Now this is a must. And this has got to be taught, it's got to been shown. You ought to know too. And so this is what I'm talking about is real important. Because I am not a doormat. Just because I smile or I'm friendly or I have a lot of friends or I do a lot things, there's certain things that there's no on. I'm not going to let somebody abuse me. I'm going to defend myself. But that doesn't mean that I go around in the world and I am looking at everybody like they're enemies. See, that doesn't mean that at all. All it means is that if you happen to be in a relationship with someone and this relationship with someone is doing you harm you better get out of that relationship. You better get away from it. If they're treating you like a doormat if they're making your life unmanageable if they'RE putting things in your mind that hurt you you better GET AWAY FROM IT! Now there's all kinds of ways to do this there's all kinds of ways but I'll guarantee you there's a way for you like there's away for any and all of us yeah I don't understand it's not free if you're supposed to love everybody unconditionally and not have anything bother you I don' t understand that get over it that's what I thought well you're talking about two different things that aren't even related is... I'm doing good, Bob. I'm doing good Bob. No, it's alright. The question's good and everything like that, you know. But what I'm talking about, unconditional love isn't sex love or it isn't love where I have to fall down and bow before everybody and it doesn't mean I have to like everybody either. It doesn't mean that at all. It means the love in my heart from God for the world that's full of people is unconditional. These people can be whoever they are, and I'll not criticize and condemn them. I'll not find fault with them. I'll not want them changed. They can act and behave any way they want to. It's okay with me. But to see that has to be that way by character, building by principle. That has to be everywhere I go in every moment I live. That cannot be a turn-on, turn-off thing. It can't be whenever you decide to be nice and then be nice. It's none of them things at all. It has to be like I say it has to been. And this doormat business, doormAT business to me would be somebody that physically abused you, maybe married, maybe with their mouth, maybe with other ways that could possibly be that way but that doesn't mean because you're sober and alcoholics anonymous you can't defend yourself that means there's a lot of ways to handle this there's courts, there's cops there's restraining orders, there'S jail there's all kinds of ways so that your own life does not have to be in jeopardy because of somebody else yeah okay like the way okay we're talking about along these lines here and say you know i can say though there's this one person in my life that just pushes my button you know and it's like i react to this person i react i'm a reactor okay um you know the way i you know I do defend myself in that way with words uh let's see uh what am i trying to say okay is blank right and somehow it all turns around i end up blaming myself for the other person's behavior is that a defect certainly is you know what i mean next thing i know it's like i'm looking at me all the time going yeah there's something really wrong here though you know and it's not you know i start saying gee i'm really sorry and i'm apologizing for somebody who's just said something to me and you know i wrote that down i thought is that a defense do i do that you know uh and the way i've had to handle this to remove myself in the situation and and the