Humility and Character Building – Women’s Book Study – Part 9 of 13 – Bob A.

I didn't know anything at all about my behavior in the day I was in. I didn' t know how to be a giver, and I had to learn how to be a Giver. Now, a givers is really you have to really look at it. You have to work at it, you have go at it because of the fact of what it is. Now to be a Givers, it's in many forms. It could be just holding the door open for somebody. It could hold an elevator when the guy is maybe a mile down the corridor and you They'll hold it open until he gets there. But you see, behind this is the character where you're serving man and God by principle. This is all about now being a giver away from self. God gives credit. You don't. Anything and everything that I do, I have to praise my Lord for it. I have thank Him for it Now, this is something I do by principle This is something I do all the time Every one of you, whenever you thank me I thank my Lord. I have to. The reason I have to is because the principle of living with God, God gets the credit. It's by his grace, certainly not mine. But you see the character changing that's happening. There's a character being built and the character is being built away from self, self-wants, self-needs, self-pleasures, self-everything, you just name it. But you have to go farther than that because of the fact of what it is. There's no there's a lot of people around There's some people around that maybe I don't like. But I'm going to have to treat that person the same way I treat the person I like. There cannot be anything different. These are principles. Now what I'm talking about, maybe you're not interested in it. Maybe you think it's not needed. Maybe you thinks it's too hard or it's a baloney. Believe me, I know for sure if you would try the best that you got in here and the day you're in to do that day with God, you'll see a day you've never seen before. You'll have things happen to you. You'll be able to have a mind function that never was there before. You will feel secure in your own being. Whatever it is, whatever you're going through, whatever's happening doesn't mean no difference. There's so much in step seven that you can keep talking about, talking about talking about because even over here you know when it talks it talks in here on page 73 it says so it is that we first see humility as a necessity but this is the barest beginning to get completely away from our aversion to the idea of being humble to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit to be willing to work for humility as something to be desired for itself takes most of us a long time. A whole lifetime geared to self-centeredness cannot be set in reverse all at once. Rebellion dogs are every step at first. But you see what it's talking about now? It's talking abut something that's going to happen to me as I live my life. As I live this life, I found out that every little bit I give, I get a little bit back. And check your record out and see if they ain't true. But every time I give something more, I get more back. I used to be scared of this a long time ago because I thought it meant if you give five bucks to somebody, you're five bucks short. It doesn't mean that at all. It could be money, but it could be a lot of other things too. But the other things come from a character, a true character, a genuine character, a character that wants to give, not a character to have to give. Not a character who's giving because he's got strings attached to him. This is something now that when you transmit, you transmit that character because God says you stay with me and I'll tell you how to think and act and this is what this is all about right now this is always about a power greater than any human power this is all about principles spiritual in their nature that are already established can you believe that everything that you could possibly need for the rest of your life as an alcoholic with alcoholism is only in 12 steps. That's unbelievable. It was for me. To think that you could take this book here, that I could take this book there. I've gone over 42 and a half years now. Now you think for one minute when I started any of this or when I started to receive any of this that I was thinking in terms of 42 years later? No way. Just impossible. But you see everything grows. The quality, the reason the quality is because the quality of your life is backed up by a power that's not you. It's backed up by principles that you don't supply. It is already established for every one of us to have the life that we should have. It's in the program recovery. We've got a chance this weekend. We have three days Tuesday. We have Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday morning. Why not use whatever that is you can use? Why not try the best that you can try to see if this is something that you want? See if it's there. It's there, I'll guarantee it. But to have it, you must use it. To use it means exactly that. This is a way of life today because, you know, we've been a long way already. We're already in step seven. Step seven goes farther In the end of Step 7, I'd like to say the end of it only because we read it. We read it, it's on page 76 at the bottom, and it's the same thing we read in page 64. It says the seventh step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us with humility as our guide to move out of ourselves towards others and towards God. The whole emphasis on Step 7 is on humility. It is really saying to us that we now ought to be willing to try humility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomings just as we did when we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and came to believe that a power greater than ourself could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humility could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadly obsession could be banished, then there must be hope for the same result respecting any other problem we could possibly have. Can you imagine? Now they said that on page 64. Same thing. Here it is in page 76, and it's saying the same thing again. So that each one of us... Now, it didn't repeat it because you didn't read it before. It's repeated for principles. It's repeatedly said, so that you will know, like I will know. That I can have exactly what it says there. That this here Heavenly Father took care of my most devastating weakness. But He can take care of everything else that's wrong with me too. If He could treat my alcoholism, And why can't he treat everything else that's in my life? He can. And that's what it's all about. That's why when you come to this meeting or any other meeting, when you leave there, maybe you leave the area with one thought. How about leaving the area without a whole book full of thoughts? Because they're principles. They're already established. They're ready there to use. In character building, as you build this character we're talking about right now, this is the character you live with. this isn't a character for next week this isn' t yesterday's character this is today's character everything that I've said so far including last night is all about today's life today finding a way of life where drinking is not necessary finding away of life where the world that you live in is the world you want to live in it's in God's terms not life's terms 234 334 we can go for some questions about this if you want before we go into the next we got 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 is there anything I'll tell you what step 7 is an endless that's an endless step I've been talking about that and I still haven't talked about all of it because of what it is it's a daily function try to remember step seven if you can so it doesn't so it doesn't get shoved aside because it seems like it's pretty difficult or pretty hard Michelle you know this example of picking up a tree I'm like stop picking up grass that's the truth and that's what I see that's all I see I shouldn't say that I don't care more than that just go a little farther than that okay sure yes I was at a meeting one night it was late it was in Colorado snowing and the meeting was almost over with and the phone rings it was my wife on the phone and she told me to bring home some milk. I have two daughters. So here it is ten o'clock at night the meeting's ending it's snowing outside I got to stop and pick up some milk why didn't she do it? She was home all damn day. She could have went to the store any time. So I went and I stopped and I got the milk and I brought it home but I brought het home under protest. I brought et home and set it down as one that didn't break it because of what my mind was telling me. You see, to be a giver, shortcomings were things I should do I don't do. I fall short of the mark. If I don' t look for things to do, if I' m not the man that God says I' ll be, I' l still be selfish self. I' LL still take care of me and only me. I'LL STILL NOT hold the door open for you. I'LL STILL do a lot of things with only me in thought and me in mind. Just me. Shortcomings are exactly what they say. You're falling short of the mark. There's something there that should be done that you're not doing it. How many times have you ever done something or didn't do something and you've seen it and somebody else seen it and they did it before you and you felt like hell because they did and you didn't? I used to find that all the time. That's a shortcoming. That won't get me drunk. that isn't like a defect of character at all not a bit it's a performance that I must give you see the closer I get to God the closer you get to man it said serving man and God the closer I do that the more I do I find myself being more considerate more kind I find my self considering other people that maybe are strangers maybe they're not but it has to be looked at for what it is It's my mind and it's my life. It's what goes on inside of me. How well am I? How well do I feel about my thoughts, my actions? Step seven, there's a lot more to go in. And it's in print. But this alone, like it talks about, I used to use God as a bush league pinch hitter. That's in step seven. That's on page... Page 75. It says, Then in AA we looked and listened. Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. We heard story after story of how humility had brought strength out of weakness. In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price had purchased more than what we expected. It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. We began to fear pain less and desire humility more than ever. During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result of all was a change in our attitude toward God. And all this was true whether we had been believers or unbelievers. We began TO get over the idea that the higher power was sort of a bush league pinch hitter to be called upon only in an emergency. The notion that we would still live our own lives, God helping a little now and then began to evaporate. Many of us who had thought ourselves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude. Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves of his help. But now the words, I of myself am nothing, the Father doeth the works, began to carry bright promise and meaning. These are principles. This is principles that I learned years ago. These are principals that I live by. This has to be this way. If it isn't this way, what way could it possibly be? I would go to selfish self. I would just walk in this day, never once ever look and left or right to see if anybody else was in this world. I'm self-centered. I'm selfish. These were things that I didn't know about me that I thought I was a kind person because I smiled or joked or something. No, I'm not. The true me inside of me, you wouldn't want to know me because I'll show you that someday and I don't want to be like that no more. This is why I talked the way I did. I lived a hard world, a dirty world. I lived it drunk and I lived this sober. Then I found out that there's a way in Alcoholics Anonymous and this way is for all of us. It's no more than a program recovery of 12 steps with God living today by the principles so that the disease is treated today. This isn't something for the future. How could it be? You know, Step 8 is 2.40. Let's see. How long have we been at it? An hour and 40 minutes. Does anybody want to stop for five minutes or so to... Yeah, let's do that. Okay. Yeah. Okay, yeah. We've got to hurry. We've Got to do all these steps yet. So, we're going to start in Step 8. In Step 8 it says, I made a list of all persons that had harmed me and became willing to make amends for them all. Now, you know, 8 and 9, there's a lot to cover, but I don't think that there's enough time or that there is a lot of cover to talk about. We'll talk about it. And so some of the things that I'm going to say, I found out to myself that these were things that I needed to know so that I made a list of all persons I had harmed. I already have a list started from step four. A lot of people that were put in four will be in eight also. And so the way I could look at life or the way life was when I first did the inventory is that to make a list of all persons I have harmed would mean almost anybody I came in contact with because of the drunken life I lived and what I was doing and how I was doing it. But it wasn't so much that, it was that I had to find out exactly what do they mean by when they say made a list for all persons that I've harmed. Now like I said I found a great amount of action and a lot of thoughts that came out of step four. But the important part, like in your book now on page 80 and 81, I'd like to be able to point some things out because of what it is. And what it says down on page 88 says we might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have harmed other people. What kind of harm do people do one another anyway? To define the word harm in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts and collision. which caused physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual damage to people. Now, that's the kind of harm that I thought they were talking about because I could see no purpose of this step myself because I did not know or I didn't realize there's more to do in the day I'm in, in principle, of the character that I am. So when it ends there on page 80, now, where I had to go and where it was necessary for me to go It was in page 81. It says, Such gross misbehavior is not by any means a full catalog of harms we do. Let us think of some of the subtler ones which would sometimes be quite as damaging. Suppose that in our family lives we happen to be miserly, irresponsible, callous, cold. Suppose that we are irritable, critical, impatient, humorless. Suppose we lavish attention upon one member of the family and neglect the others. What happens when we try to dominate the whole family either by rule of iron or by constant outpouring of minute directions for just how their lives should be lived from hour to hour. What happens when we wallow in depression, self-pity oozing from every pore and inflict upon those about us such a roster of harm done to others the kind that makes daily living with us as practice in alcoholics difficult and often unbearable? They could be extended almost indefinitely. When we take such personality traits as these into shop, office, and society of our fellows they can do damage almost as extensive as that we have caused at home. Now, these were the harms that I didn't know about. These were the arms that I had to find out myself about. Now, the harms and I knew were always the obvious harm of where I smashed cars or somebody else's property or I stole from them or I used and abused somebody and got away with murder with them and stuff. But I didn't know about any other kind of harm. And the kind of arm is what I was just reading about because of my mood. I have mood swings. I have a mind that when it's upset, it's an angry mind and it just hates everybody. And my closest friend, the one I love the most, I'll hurt that person rather than something else. So to make a list of all persons I had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all, as soon as I found out that the kind of harms that I did when I was living, the situations where I took advantage of my sister or my father even and stuff like that, is I had to learn that these were the things that I had do something about. So to Make-A-List of all these people, I could put a lot of people down, but I didn't know what to say to them. I didn' t know what do do. I didn't know how to do it. I didn' t know why to do it even in fact. And so to have this here principles or this character building to make a list of all these people that I have harmed and became willing to make amends to them all to willing to make amens is the same thing now again. Now I've been talking about a vocabulary I've beent talking about words I've beeent talking about principles about how things now they're in my mind. Now, I don't know how much of this you retain or you use as far as words. I don' t know if these words go into your mind at all even. And like with me, they do. They stay with me all the time. They use it because they guide me. They direct me. The power me in words. Like I said before, words like willingness. Willingness is a state of mind that my whole life i'm willing right now willing i'm willing to do whatever is necessary to do with no hold back i'll give it my best shot whatever my best shot is i'll give it a hundred percent of what i got whatever that is you see so these things now start looking at these steps and try try to remember that as you as you are reading these steps or talking about them or recognizing them these are things that are going to your mind they go in there for a reason. Because if they don't, you'll get where I was. One time, my life wasn't important to me. My living was. My live-in was very important to me. In other words, making money, buying things, boats, motorhomes, motorcycles, having things. See, that was living and I didn't know it. But my life was not important. My life is what I am inside. It's the way I look so that I can be free of the past and I don't have to create another future by living today like I lived in the past. So see, in step to be willing, see, to be willingly is a state of mind that I'm willing. That's a principle. I learned a long time ago. I should have talked about a couple of other ones. the word alcohol we talked a great deal about it that's a word but it's more than a word it's a state of living it's an ongoing life surrender as I started to talk about last night I didn't finish it I said surrender I thought I knew surrender surrender I thought I knew because I did a lot of trouble I got in a lot I got a lot of trouble surrender is when you quit that's not surrender in Alcoholics Anonymous not in my book edition surrender is an ending of the old me but it's the beginning of the new me. So you see, surrender isn't quitting because if I quit, what's there? There's nothing there but a void. Nothing. But there's an ending, an ending of me, the ending of the disease of alcoholism, the end of my mind controlling me but there must be something following that because when I quit that, where will I go? So where I go, I'm building a new character. It's a beginning. It's not an ending But you see, I thought I knew a great deal about a lot of words. I started looking words up in the dictionary. And as I looked these words up, I found more meanings. I found mehr application. Where I thought ich knew something so well and I didn't know it. I didn' t even know that one word could have a hundred meanings maybe or ten meanings or one meaning. Until I got interested in my life. The quality of my life It has to be that way. so you see in this step here what I think is so very important is what was read about these harms that's on page 81 because I think that every one of us know what harm is to somebody else regardless if it's physical harm stealing their money cheating on them doing anything at all I think we all know how to do that and I think every one OF THEM harms are recognized as harms but how about the other harms that are here How about not saying hello to somebody? Did you ever come in to Alcoholics Anonymous and you come to a meeting and you see somebody standing over there by themselves and there's somebody over here you know, you go over there and talk to that person over there because you know them, but this person over here, you don't talk to. Did you every think about that? I used to have to think about it. I used think about the thing about that all the time. Up in Roxbury on a Wednesday at the Stag, there used to be guys around all the same by the tree, by the door, and they're always single by themselves. But I made sure I went up to each one of them and I made sure that I said something to him so that at least that much for me contributing to the world that I lived in it had to be this way in fact you know I can tell you a story as funny as it can be it's about the same thing that I'm talking about now there used to be a guy up at Roxbury on a Wednesday night stag meeting and he always stood by the door And he had his arms folded, you know. And he was like this all the time, see. So I found out his name. So his name was Art. So I went up to him one night and he's standing there. And I said to him, I said, hi, Art, how's the world treating you? And he looked at me and he said, the world don't treat me. I pay my way every bit of the way. And then he went away like that, see? And I thought, man, I got his number well. So a little while later, I see him standing over there by himself over there, you know. So I went back over and I said, hi Art, how's the world treating you? He said, he said, the world don't treat me, I play my way every way, you Know. So then I got a hold of a couple of other guys up there. And I said go up there and ask Art, call him by name and ask him how the world treats you. So, Jose was one of them. He went up there and said it to him. And then Walter, he was another one. He went out there and he said hello to him and then the next thing you know he looked at me and he started smiling. He said, You're doing that on purpose, aren't you? You know who he is? He's one of the best guys in the world. That's Art Benjamin, you know. My gosh, he does more and they ate a man in the moon. You know, he's about 80, about 85 years old now. But it'll show you though, see, the difference in about how you can act and how you're going to affect people in lives and the principles of the steps, you know. They're there, they're used, they're there. They'll guarantee it. A way of life that's really beautiful. It really is. So I don't see myself now in eight and nine. I don' t think neither one of them are great big steps that you have to talk for hours on or anything else. I did have to make a list. I made a list of all the people I had harmed and I became willing to make amends to them all. I went back east, I made the amends to my mother, to my father and my sister and I made amends to everyone but one. I didn't make amens to my wife. Never once did I ever say to her anything at all about making amends about the yesterdays, about the harms, the hurts never once and I have no excuse no excuse whatsoever and she got sick on a Thursday and she died on a Sunday morning and so then I had to take the flowers to the grave instead of giving them to her so you see for any of you today this day if there's somebody in your life tell them you love them today give them the flowers today this kind of harm that they're talking about i believe each one of us i think that uh i think that each one of us have a record of our own that we can do ourselves as far as making amends to make a list of all the persons who have harmed that wasn't very hard to do and to make the amends i had to learn how to make amends to make direct amends of such people, except when to do so would harm them or injure them or others. I had to make amends. I flew back east to my father and I had to make Amends to him. And as I started to make Amends for him, he told me, no, you don't have to make Amends. Just stay with those people you're with. And he wouldn't say who they were. And I told him, no that's not good enough. I said, I'm going to have to tell you exactly what happened and what went on. And how sorry I was that it took place and when it did take place and what I did. And I explained to him that at that time, that I was drunk. That I was out of my mind. That i was very sorry that i did what i did but i can't recall it. But at least i can apologize to you about it. And that was the end of that one. That was the hardest one of all to do for me. Because i beat my old man up. I beat him up bad. And when I did that, I suffered from it later, even drunk and then sober. But when the time came to tell them about it, it did exactly what it's supposed to do. It removed it from my mind as hurt. It removed him from a memory that would make me feel sick about it. So for each one of us, you have to make your own list. And how you explain it or how you do it, I don't know. but I do know for one thing for sure that a lot of people don't want you to say words to them because of the fact of what they are but yet though I believe you must say them I believe you must do this because this is clearing away the wreckage of the past this is telling somebody that whenever it happened that it happened because of the circumstances or the condition of me when I was drunk when I Was totally out of my mind that I would do anything to anybody and then I'd have to make it up somehow or another. But I was apologizing for something that I did to him that I had no excuse over. I couldn't say I was drunk and I did it because I was drunk. I did the right thing. I did because I did. And I wanted forgiveness from him. And that was all that was necessary. He gave me that forgiveness. So for each and every one of us, step eight and nine, I don't think step eight nine is that hard to do. I know that there's a lot of times that maybe somebody's in your life and it's in question whether you should or shouldn't do it, but I don't believe that the steps alone will make sure it's clear enough. I think that step eight, when I made a list of all the persons I had harmed, I put down exactly what it says in here, that I put Down how I treated them, mistreated them, how I took advantage of them, How I stole from them. I stole for my mother. I took money I did many things and I acknowledged these things and I paid back these things if I could if it was possible at the time but the willingness to do this was the willingness so the principle of the character that I am I don't live like that no more I don' t think like that anymore I'm not capable of doing that anymore this is the character building in the day I'm in this is why the step 8 and 9 are together This is why they follow 6 and 7. This is while they're in the recovery program, if you stop and think about it. Take a look at 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. It's always about living in the day you're in. This day, today. So that this day you can have the life where your disease is being treated. It's being treated by principles, by application, by the person that you represent. The person that You are. not the person you used to be not the version that sometimes you want to be but the person you are by principle these principles have to be talked about I believe and kept talked about because when you leave here you might do what I did the same thing you go out there and you start figuring the whole picture out again you're liable to start thinking in terms that this is necessary that he's wrong she's wrong they're up their old tricks show them what it's all about You see, I have a mind just like that. But I don't use it. It's still there. And the reason it's there is because it's me. It's the same mind that I started talking about last night when I was talking about the disease of alcoholism. It's about a function of a mind. You see in these steps, can you imagine that these steps there's 12 of them. How could 12 steps take each and every one of us regardless of who we are? no matter where you're at no matter if you're male or female rich or poor dumb or smart they're all there for the same reason and they do the same thing for each and every one of us they allow us to build a character the character that we're building now isn't a character from reference from the past it's not a character that has been harmed and hurt so that you can't make it today because you've been injured too bad I learned to live in the day I'm in My happiness is in today. My whole world that I live in is today, today, this day. And you know darn well that I've had many, many, many days and weeks and years of true love and happiness and kindness, goodness. But you see, even then, I can't draw from it. I can'T put it in today's life because today's Life is too tough. I'll reach into tomorrow or yesterday and I'll do something different. The program recovery, The hardest thing to keep talking about is living the character today. Today means now, by principles, now that I'm going to live with God now that all of these steps become a method of living, a way of life. Because you can't remember these steps. You can't Remember when to apply a certain thing. But the character can act like that because the character is that by principle. Man, this is terrific. This is good news. This is something I know that religion has been trying to do for many years and still hasn't done it. I mean, I'm not picking on religion, but I'm saying that we have something here. We have two things here. We have the method, meaning the 12-step application by principles. We have The Power, meaning God. Together, all things are possible. today. I can live today different than I've ever lived before because I never lived this life before. I'm living this life now because it is now. Can you imagine that? Before, I always lived in yesterday's memories. You lived in yesterday's success, happiness, yesterday's pleasures, anything, you name it. Today, today could be the most wonderful day you ever had in your life. It's possible because when it happened to me, I would think that no day could ever, ever meet this day. The next day would come and beat this day all to heck. Greater things, better things, more of everything. It's always there, same story. Eight and nine, if there's something we need to talk about, maybe in question or something like that, we'll go into step ten and maybe possibly we'll even get some questions in. Is there anything first in eight or nine that was maybe not clear enough or set enough where you can, that you might want to know how to do it. Yeah, Kelly? How do you go about doing it? How do I do it? That's always in there. That's explained too. The willingness is what's necessary. And through the willingness, something can be done. Now, maybe you can do it in payments. Maybe you can do it by working for someone, doing some kind of work that you do, that maybe that, in turn, might take care of some of it. But there's always a way, if you're willing to do this. And as far as owing money, man, I'll tell you, I didn't owe too much. I owed enough. And I owed IRS and everybody else. But believe me, I've been with some guys that owe some big money, some real money. I wonder how you could pay for it. How could you pay $500,000? That's more money than I ever could even count. But it's there. We're all there in that. It doesn't make any difference who you are, Kelly. Every one of these steps, every one is possible to do. Every one is there so that you have a life today that's guaranteed today. You might not see it that way. You might think in terms of maybe you owe some money that you can't pay back and you're going to be in trouble over it and stuff like that. But, you see, all of this here still, there is a way. I don't know. You and I can talk about this later if you want to, specifically, and see what it is and what we can do about it. Yeah? I've had a similar situation in making an event for my dad, and he wouldn't let me to say what I wanted to say. Right. Do you know what I was trying to say, but it stopped me? It was just, you know, someone just like you just told me to do it. Right, right. I've never got a chance to tell him what I was looking to amend for. Could I go back and I would. Yes, I would Yes, the reason I would is because you see the program recovery is a program recovery of you and you've got to look at it this way and to make amends like my father didn't he just wouldn't let me say it either but I told him it's got to be this way I'm doing it because I need to do it I have to do I had to be free not because he said don't worry about it or anything else like that it was still in me and I had talk about it and I tell them and show them that what I did at that time I was very sorry about it it happened I want to make it up to you. I want to do something to show you that I did something I shouldn't do and this here was going to allow me to live on so that I don't have to remember something. Sure I would. You bet I would I'd send them down and make them listen just like I did my father. So How about somebody who let this I don't, I didn't hear it all heard. Somebody had died. You know, a lot of, you know, I don' t really know what to tell you there other than what I've been told or what I know. But I'll tell you this. There was no way that I could go over the graveyard up there in Oakdale in Chatsworth and write a letter and put it on my wife's grave on her headstone. No way. Because of the fact that I knew exactly who I was. I knew what I did and I know how I did it and everything about it. The only forgiveness that took me two years and the only forgiveness that I got was the fact that I could be with God and not do that again, not live like that again. Not hurt people and not use people because of the fact I told you If there's somebody in your life today that's special, why don't you tell them today about it? Why don't You give that person flowers? Why don'T You do it today? Life is real short. But if You don't want to, You don' t need to. It's up to You. I wish... There's many, many times... I spent two years... I spent that two years every time I heard high heels going down a corridor. You know what my mind said? Maybe it's her. Maybe I can make it now. Everywhere I went, I had that right in front of my face all the time. And it just went that way until the time came. When it came, it came only through the grace of God. And so that's now I put flowers on the grave, but that's a different way of putting them. Before when I used to cut grass in my backyard, I had a beautiful lawn, front and back yard. And I'd cut the grass and I'd say, what the hell kind of world is this? Here's a beautiful grass right here. I'm looking at the grass and she's looking at her. She's looking down at the roots. That's the way my mind thought. My mind was always tormenting me because of the things that I should have done and I didn't do it. Each one of us, each one of Us right now have, you must have somebody in your life that you care for. Do they know it? I don't know. But it's important if your life's important to you stop and think about this. Stop and think about these principles, what we're saying, what we're talking about. Take a look at now. We're going to come into step 10. Yeah? I have the I have from the past that were things like that where those people and other people around them and something of what you're talking that I heard referred to a living event, which is where I guess what I've done about that is to see where people need something and do what I can to bring that, to make that happen for them. Something that they want, that I can do, there's a role that I'm playing just to it, not to say anything and do it when it's possible, but definitely not to do it. Mm-hmm, right, right. And is that kind of what you're doing? Sure, sure, absolutely, positively. It's recognition of today of people that are in your life and these could be strangers or they could be people close by too. It doesn't make any difference, you know. It's something, even a smile, even a smell, anything at all, everything that I'm talking about is part of what the character represents in the day I'm in. How well my mind thinks, how well my brain works, mind really is. Not what I tell you it is, but what's really in me. That's what counts. This world I'm talking about is a world that God says I can have this because he'll let me have it. He'll give me everything I need the day I'm in. But first, I must do the application of the steps to build the character. That' why the steps are in the order form. That''s why step two is so important. Because to have something in my life besides me, I had to learn how to do that. If I didn't know step two, there's no way that I could make a decision and turn my will and life over to care of God. How could I do that? You see, all of this is what I'm talking about now. It's a way of life by principles, application, now, today, this day. You can't, when you leave this room, you can't give yourself a legitimate excuse to carry one thought of anger if the program recovery is what you want in your life. If you want your alcoholism treated, you're going to make sure that this here life that we're talking about, the principles are there. If you make a mistake, they can be corrected. We haven't got there, but they'll be there too. So no matter who you are today, no matter how big a goof you make or none, it doesn't make any difference. Your eyes in the eyes of God, you still are going to be all right. He's still going to take care of you. You allow them to come into your heart, you'll never be able to get them out of there. you know in step 10 continue to take personal inventory and when I'm wrong promptly admit it now step 10 is another step this step is another step that's all steps are important they're all big but some play a bigger role when you're in your life as you start to build this character because it seems like it has more impact. It seems like it's more pronounced or it's needed more often than the other step was or something like that. At least that's the way I think, anyway. And so, to continue to take personal inventory and when I'm wrong promptly admit it, the basic thing I had to learn right away is promptly admit it. Admit it to who? And what does promptly mean? So you see, there is, it talks in here and it talks that all inventories are alike in principle. But you see, this inventory is not a four-step inventory. Although it's there so that the defects of character, if they come, old or new, they're still away right here. And I think the most important thing about step 10 is that I can start this day out today. Say I started this day out today at whatever time. Maybe I went down the line an hour from now and I got maybe and a big beef with somebody on the freeway or something like that. So you see, there is something to do here in Alcoholics Anonymous. Now ordinarily, I would have to take that to work with me. I'd have to talk about it all day long. I'd Have to tell everybody that would listen to me what this guy did or what happened or something Like that. I'd HAVE TO go home that night, and I'd HAVE TO put it to bed with me because it's still there, and i'd probably relive it, re-experience it. And step 10 is a different step entirely. It's entirely different. Now, step 10 on page 90, it talks in 90 on 10, and this is important, it says, it is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us, are we sore? We are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to the rule. What about justifiable anger? If somebody cheats us, aren't we entitled to be mad? Can't we properly be angry with self-righteous folk? For us of AA, these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it. It says it matters little whether our resentments were justified or not. A burst a temper that could spoil a whole day, a well-nursed grudge could make us miserably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separating justified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrath was always justified. Anger that occasional luxury of more balanced people could keep us on an emotional jag indefinitely. I think that, like myself, I learned long, many years ago, that it's a spiritual axiom that whenever something disturbs me, no matter what the cause, I'm at fault. Now that was a hard nut to swallow at first. But as I started living my life, as I started going in my life as they started working and being with people, I found out that there wasn't anything wrong with anybody. Nobody. Everything was wrong in my mind. This is where I found that it's my mind that hurts me. This means exactly that. It's not what you do, it's not what you say.