Building a New Character – Women’s Book Study – Part 8 of 13 – Bob A.

For me, you know, because even in my marriages, for me, I did not allow my husband to touch me. And I've seen the part that I played in that by looking back at my past experience with a fool that raped me. So when I got, for me, when I took that fourth step, I was so angry at males. And I lived that life growing up being, I wouldn't let a male touch me. You know, but yet I got married and I took that vow to do part of those vows to be that woman to that man. And I still did not let that man touch me, you know, and he got angry, you know, because I wouldn't. So for me, my defective character was twice that man that weighed me at eight years old. So I had to put him down. In the program recovery, we'll start over again. We'll start over by building a new character. In this process of building a New Character, we live daily. The steps are in an order form. These steps are even in order form to build a New Character. If I had to live in memory, if I had to go through this day today because something happened to me a while ago I'd never make it I'd have to get drunk or die or shoot myself I'm talking about something now that fits any disease of alcoholism in anyone that has that mind now it doesn't make any difference just like what you're talking about same thing what you are talking about every one of us every solitary one of use have a track record of some kind We have a track record that we could use to excuse our behavior, to excuse your mind when it does what it does, when it wants to do it, it does it. This is an entirely different concept. This is 12 steps. This is a program of recovery. This is for every and any alcoholic with alcoholism, regardless of what happened to you. It hasn't any bearing on that. The things that you have to identify, Certainly you have to identify them. The step is there for that very same reason. But if the step was left there strictly for that memory to do nothing but damage to you, this couldn't be a program recovery. It just couldn't being. Because each one of us would have to recall, rethink, go backwards, go to all the harms, the hurts, go to the memories. how could you live today when your mind was so ratty from yesterday's life you'd never make it the program of recovery is very very difficult to hear this is what I'm talking about I know it's hard to hear I talk and I talk and I say the same things over and over but it's got to be heard and it will be heard because of what it is if every one of us got here and there was some certain thing about you that you could never get rid of. It was too horrible. It was two terrible. And you had to live the rest of your life with it. Would that be right? Would that Be a God that would let you live like that? Would that BE a God that can do for you what you can't do for yourself? Why do you think these steps are in the order for whom they're in? Certainly, I know there's many tragedies. There's many troubles. Every one of us can show. I can show you some myself. but I can't live by them tragedies. They're not there to live by. This is today's life. This is the life that God says, under His grace, I can be happy, joyous and free. What does that mean? Does that mean that I have to be bitter? That I have carry bitterness in my mind about something that happened, whether it was many years ago or yesterday? It certainly doesn't mean that. The true life of Alcoholics Anonymous, the true reason is what I'm talking about. This is why this message, you can't hear it at meetings. It isn't talked about at meetings and yet it should be. It should be talked about because it's a program recovery. How many people are in the audience at meetings that are wanting help? They're hollering for help. Where is the help going to come from? Are they going to figure it out themselves? are they going to listen to somebody and they'll say put more steps in your life go to more meetings, stuff like that no way the only way, the only Way possible and this is true and it says it and I'll show you exactly where it says that this is all about dependence dependence total on God, total that means everything that's every thought, every deed all day long in all your affairs but we're not there yet But we're trying to learn how to get there. We're trying the see principles that are already established, a way of life so that each one of us, no matter where you come from, what walk of life, this is still a program recovery for you too. This means exactly what it means. It was put here on earth by God through Dr. Bob and Bill Wilson in June 10th, 1935 when they got together. since that time since they printed this big book in April of 1939 nothing has changed nothing the program recovery is still the 12 steps you've got to look at this now it's your life what do you want do you have are you willing to go to any length to get it what does that mean that means exactly what you're doing right now but you see I can't do it for you You can't do it for me. Together we can do it because of what it is. This is brotherly and harmonious action. That's what it says. We have a way out upon which we absolutely can agree upon with brotherly in harmonious actions. This is the news that this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. You see, step four. Step four is there to put down exactly what's in your mind today. to write exactly what's inside of you today. If it came from when you were young, if it came when you weren't yesterday, it's today, put it down. You're doing the inventory. Let's see where we go with it from there. Let's say what happens from there Mention something about fearless. Fearless, I talked about before, to make a searching and fearless moral inventory so that you're not afraid that you can stay open wide open I don't mean broadcast I mean don't do the fifth step here or something like that in front of somebody I'm not saying that but I'm saying sponsorship which is very important you have to open up you have too if you don't you keep things hidden to make a searching and fearless moral inventory means you're now you're never afraid to open it up you're ever not afraid of what's there to display it to show it because this is what's going to set you free. This is going to be so that you can have the tomorrows, if and when they get here, so that the fear isn't there. The memory's not there. The things that used to drive you nuts, they're not there no more. They're just not there." The fearless, always on this, the fearless, every defective character, every defected character has a fear. and all fears that I ever knew or ever know about are non-acceptance they're things that are not accepted they're non-acceptable that's why they're fears they're fear try to look at now if you have some fears try to see what this fear is now and it's about non- acceptance and it must be put down every defect has a fear a fear is a spin off a fear does not ahead of the defect A fear follows a defect. When I got into AA, the first things they used to talk about all the time was about two fears. They were ungrounded and unfounded fears. And I knew exactly what they were talking about. Ungrounded, unfounded fear. But these were fears that didn't bother me. These were fears that I acquired in a drunken world. These were fear that something was catching up with me. I didn't know what it was. but I was guilty so I had fears but these fears from defects just take a look at any defect now any defect see if there isn't a fear with it look for it and you'll see it and generally most generally fears are always because of non-acceptance if you do a defective character and you eliminate a defected character by living away from it and you don't identify a fear you're still going to have the fear inside of you I had one man it was in Denver, Colorado he had 18 months and I met him and what he had to have is a fearless he did an inventory but he never did a fearless he was running so scared he was working where he was work and he couldn't stand to work he was a frightened man all the time but he was frightened because he didn't know why there was no basis to be frightened like that the defects that he had may show he recognized him he wrote about him he offered him to God but he never looked at what happened because of the defect he was still feeling guilty jealous he was so afraid in home he was afraid to talk to his wife even because of the fear the fear of being found out man this stuff is real yes I just didn't want I don't know if you're going to continue but you were talking about three columns that you believe there was three columns I just want to make sure that it's covered because I have just one down so far yeah, I do didn't get to finish what the two seconds is well, it's the same as in your book your book is pretty good right it's pretty good and the only difference in the book there is a lot of times now all of us or at least me anyway I did lose self-esteem I lost self-worth I lost it because I started getting down deeper into my alcoholism by doing things deeper and dirtier and everything else that went with it and so I had to put the people down and the reason I had to put they were in the second column the first column there was defects of character the third column I had to have was always about fears it was fears the fear was just as important as the defect it had to be recognized identified because of what the fear is. And most, and almost all fears are non-acceptance. Almost all of them are. I'm confused. I'm so confused. Defects of character. The first time a defect of character how do you know can you give me an example let's say okay just a big thing for example the first time was a defect of character I'm angry I'm not angry you can call it his mom she hit me when I was five years old Yeah, yeah. The next column is fears. What it makes, how fearful it makes you? Yeah, the fears you generate in relationship to your mother or your father or whatever it is. Like my sex relations? It could be, very much could be. Absolutely could be yes. And it's the same as, well I'll get to that later on because that's another step, too. It's along the same line. But the most important thing I want to see if I can't get across to you is that the day that you're in, this day, today, when you write an inventory, put down what's in your mind today. If you need people, use people. But only use them to find out what's wrong with you. Never judge them. Never take their inventory. and see if that doesn't help you. Because you can even do this in markets. Some clerks, the way they treat you, the way они handling тебя и так далее. I can get a defective character so quick one of these markets, you can't believe it. I mean it. I'm serious. I can. Because of the fact that what's going on. You know, I'll give an example. One time up in Yucca Valley up there, this was Jimmy and some of you guys know little Jimmy and I. And we're in there. We walked in this restaurant and this waitress she come two of us, okay she went over to a table another couple walked in behind us she went up to the table she went on over and seated them first then she came back to us and by that time I'm boiling mad and I'm mad inside I'm not saying a word but I'm seeing what's happening and I don't like it this other guy I'm with, little Jimmy he's outspoken so he tells her off so what's the difference between him and me no difference but same thing I'm self talking and he's talking to her try not if you can try not to be scared of an inventory now I don't care how many inventories you have already done there's many more to do if you want to do them if you think so do them. The book even says annual or semi-annual. I've had some guys that do it, they do it maybe two or three times a year. And most generally, it's no more than just recognizing something that should be talked about, should be recognized. And one is the guy up in Sacramento. When he comes in the garage after he parks his car, it leads into the kitchen. In the kitchen, there's a sink full of dirty dishes. So as he comes in the garage and he sees nothing but one thing, a sinkful of dirty dishes. He's got a beautiful daughter, a beautiful wife, a beautiful home, but he's got to defect the character that he uses. And he's looking for it. And there it is right in front of him. Try to check this out yourself and see if this isn't true. See if this inventory will mean something to you to set you free of self because you see if these steps weren't in the order form they're in every one of us would have to live by pain would have to live by some things that happened like my wife died when I was sober three and a half years if I had to remember all of the hardship and all of the pain I put her through and never once ever apologized to her and she died and I couldn't wake her up and tell her I was sorry you see this is true So this is the way of life that I'm talking about. That the program recovery will guarantee each and every one of us a way of life. And this way of light that you're in is a life that you want to be in. It's a world, it's a good world. But you must go for it. If you don't go for today, it isn't going to happen. Step five, I think, is a harder step. I believe step five is harder to do than four. and the reason I think that it says that I admitted to God to myself and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs and you see to admit something I learned this down in one and I also learned it when I was drinking and I always I also learn it when I'm sober that I can admit anything because I can admit it to get off the hook I can admit it to keep relationships I can admit it to keep my job but to admit one thing and then to accept that that's a different story and so the wording of step five I admitted to God to myself and another human being the exact nature of my wrong but you see now there is something now that should be talked about and what it means exactly this is that to admit something like I said but to accept it you see step five I believe is harder to do than four that's what you were talking about there just a minute ago it's awful to me it was easy to put things down defects of character but to accept what I put down to really believe that because you see I have to believe it this is something now we're building a character here remember principles remember step three remember what you have going for you now when you made a decision and turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understood Him. You've got the power going for you right now. Step two, clarified the power. The power of self against the power greater than self. Three says, let's call it God. Three says I'm going to let my heart open. There's going to be a God in my life. I'm gonna give Him everything I can give Him. I'm gong to give Him every thing I have. And that means my will and my life I'm dedicated to it. That's so that I can have what God wants me to have. Step five, to admit to God. It was pretty easy to admit it. But when I had to accept what I'm talking about, that made it a little bit different. To admit it to another human being, I could admit that to anybody. There was two things in the beginning that I kept out. I said I'd admit it and no man. And then there came a time I had to do that too. And this meant that I couldn't go no farther in a program recovery, and I knew that. And I knew exactly what I was doing when I did that, too. I could do everything but two things and I wouldn't do it. And then came a time I had to do it But you see, step five means exactly That you're going to take yourself today, this day For who you really are Just exactly who you are You wrote about a character You might have wrote about the character About a character that other people abused And hurt and harmed But you're still writing about yourself You're still going inwardly now, not going outwardly. You're not looking to see people that maybe were sick people, maybe they were crazy people, maybe they Were just normal or average person. But you see, I still can't look there. I must do something now. Step five. Five is very hard to do. Five is where you have to work all day long with who you work with. but you must work with them people knowing who you are accepting who you are because of who you wrote about is only you it isn't about anybody else this step five I believe is harder to do because it's something that I don't want to do and when I don' t want to it seems like I bypass it it seems like I can get away with something the day I'm in it does because to admit something it's just like right now any one of us, we can admit something. Whether it was right or wrong, we still can admit it. But to truly accept it inside, that makes it a different story. To be genuine inside is what the steps are talking about. We're building a character now. This character is not a self-deceiving, self-lying character. This characters is talking from self-honesty. This is where you start to recognize now a performance that you need to give as the alcoholic the day you're in. You need to be who you should be what step five will produce because of what it is. It's all about your past. If you notice steps one, two, three, four, five, six they're going to talk about the disease. They're goingto talk about alcoholism. They're gonna talk about what I do what I shouldn't do what I need to do. Step one to six is really all about alcoholist but it's all about me in the program of recovery. See, so in step five to admit to God to myself to another human being the exact nature of my wrong I truly believe and I truly accept me because I know who I am. I know where I come from. I know what I'm up to today. I know how to get there. I know where I'm going and I also know how to gets there. Now this is true. It's real true. So you see now to put these steps together up to the fifth step don't forget now step one was character building started taken one into two character building in the day I'm in step three is one, two, three character building by principles application today this day step one two, two three, four five in principle living it today application today of knowing who I am I wrote about me I know all about me. I know exactly how I tick. I know what's inside of me. I know how quick that I can do anything I want to do by myself. I can't do it. But you see, there's a price to pay for every one of us. Once you pass step three, there's the price to be paid. And I don't want to pay that price no more. This means exactly what I'm talking about now. My life's important to me. Why can't I? have a today, this day, a relationship with the power? Why can't I admit to my fellow man, you, whoever you are, and to God, and accept myself for who I am today? I can be one person today. I can me one person to each one of you. Each one. I don't have to wear faces. I don' t have to do things I used to do all the time. I had to smile. I had do things for favors to get something. that I had to do something in the day I was in. I had show you somebody I wasn't. I had a laugh when I wasn' t feeling like laughing. I was doing things because I thought I needed your approval. I thought that I needed your approval for my life today. The reason why is because I never knew steps. I didn' t know step application. I didn't know nothing about what I've been talking about. And this is exactly the same story for any alcoholic. some of us do it in greater degrees or less degrees doesn't make no difference alcoholism is alcoholism there's no such thing as being a little bit of alcoholism because when you touch it you touch your mind and when you touched your mind you touched the whole package you're going to have to go again with everything that's in there because it's there it's an isn't it's called alcoholism it's alive it's going on right now how much of this now in five. I believe five really should be talked about more. I think that it should be identified, personally identified for what it is so that I can show you me. I can make mistakes and I don't feel bad about them. I'm not guilty. I don'T think I'M inadequate. I live in a world that my Heavenly Father takes care of me. I'M learning now what step two means. That I CAN BELIEVE IN A POWER greater than me. They'll restore me to sanity. So you see, step five, just to write. I think writing's easy. I really do. But to do five, I think it's hard. Because remember now, step five is in principle now, right now, meaning from this moment on where you have to have that as a way of life. And the way of light is daily. It's daily reprieve. All of this, what we've been doing, it's up to you you can use these principles you can walk and talk with a power that's greater than you you have right now information you have the information that will give you everything you need because the information is all about God and a program of recovery this is yours like it's mine it's in print but I can't read it out of print I never could it was something I just couldn't do I studied, I studied and I still couldn't do it but there came a time and the time I'm talking about is what I'm telling you that's what I've been talking about all the time because of what this is right now this is all about me I am one man with one God in this world today for that reason I don't have to play games I really don't Have to play Games at all I don' t Have to anticipate I don''t Have to get ready I don't have to get prepared for what's going to happen next week tomorrow, anytime it isn't necessary my total dependency is on God because of what I'm doing in step 6 when I said that I'm entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character you see the way it's worded I misunderstood it and the way that it ends in step six in your 12 by 12 I also misunderstood that but to be entirely ready it means right now this moment right now I've been sober over 42 years you know that but I'm still entirely ready right now by principle to have God with me right now he can take care of me right now you see this is a character building a character living that I do today I live today and you know the good thing about in step 6 on step 6 on page 64 in step 6 it says in AA meetings all over the world statements just like this are heard daily it is plain for everybody to see that each sober AA member has been granted a release from this very obstinate and potentially fatal obsession. So in a very complete and literal way, all AAs have become entirely ready to have God remove the mania for alcohol from their lives. And God has proceeded to do exactly that. Having been granted a perfect release from our alcoholism, why then shouldn't I be able to achieve by the same means a perfect relief from any other difficulty or defect? This is the riddle of my existence, the full answer to which may be only in the mind of God. Nevertheless, at least part of the answer is apparent to me. You see what that's saying in there? It's saying something in there that we read in page 37. Remember in page37 when it says, but the moment my mental or my emotional independence is in question, how differently I behave, how I'll decide all by myself, how I shall think or act. This is saying the same thing. Now, I'm just going to say this again in the next step. And what it's saying right now is that I had to look at this now. I had a look at it for what it really is. I've been granted a perfect release from my alcoholism. Why then couldn't I by the same means be granted a perfect release form any other difficulty or defect that I possibly could have? That's the riddle of my existence. The riddle is that I want God to keep me sober. But I want to handle the rest of my life. I want to handle all the women troubles and all of the home troubles and all the other troubles you just help me keep sober God I'll take care of the rest and this is true this is real truth this is a killer and see what I'm saying here now is that see I believe what I believe in Alcoholics Anonymous I believe AlcoholicsAnonymous when I came here that when my disease of alcoholism was treated and everything else was treated also. Now, I had to find out how this was done. This is something I had to find. It's in print. It says it, but I can't read it. I don't know how to read it。 I don' t know what it means. It says, but most of our other difficulties don't fall under such a category at all. Every normal person wants, for example, to eat, to reproduce, to be somebody in the society of his fellows, and he wishes to reasonably be safe and secure as he tries to attain these things. you see I said every normal person wants for example to eat I had trouble eating but I don't know I don' t associate God with eating I don´t associate the program recovery with eating and yet it´s telling me here it´S saying in here if God can take care of my most devastating disease why then couldn´t He by the same means take care any other difficulty or defect I possibly could have and here it says He can and it also says to reproduce what do you think reproducing means to be somebody in a society of this fellow's prestige but over on this side over here it says since most of us on page 65 since most of us were born with an abundance of natural desires isn't it strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purpose when they drive us blindly or we willfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures that are possible or do us that is the point which we depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us or for me here on earth that is a measure of the character defects or if you wish or sins you see everything and anything in Alcoholics Anonymous can be treated can be treated the things that would bother me the things that would upset me the world that makes my life unmanageable there's principles There's a power here. There's way of life here. And it's daily. But how many times and how long a period did I go? And I thought I had to fight the world alone. I thought that I was going to die. I thought, I had, to do everything. I thought i had to make things happen. And I never could make things happened. I couldn't have any success in relationships. I just couldn't help it. I tore them apart. I tore every one of them apart because I didn't know why. I didn't know how to act differently think differently, be differently but here in the program recovery when it talks up at the top here, having been granted a perfect release from our alcoholism why then couldn't we by the same means be granted a perfect release from any other difficulty or defect that we possibly could have we can this is what has to be talked about because just to read that I don't know if you get anything out of reading it I never did. It just was a bunch of words and it sounded good and I agreed with it but it didn't mean nothing to me. But I did want that life. I did wanna have a relationship that was a good relationship. I wanted to be in the day I was in with a mind that was clean, clear, not mad, not angry. And all of this is what we're leading up to right now in step six. In step six, you know what it says right away in the beginning of step six? it talks it talks in here it's on page 65 65 I believe 65 it says in here if we ask God will certainly forgive our derelictions but in no case does he render us white as snow and keep us that way without our cooperation this is something we are supposed to be willing to work towards our self. This is where self-discipline comes in. He asks only that we try the best we know how to make progress in the building of the character. So step six, we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character is A.A.'s way of stating the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job. Can you imagine that? Here they're telling us on a lifetime job Now, this is step six. Can you imagine this? You know, four says the same thing. And it's on page 50. Step four says, since step four is but the beginning of a lifetime practice. A beginning of a lifetime process. These are principles, you see. I'm not just saying words now to show you that I know what the words are. The words are, this is the vocabulary that I was talking about before. This is something that's in my mind that helps me guides me directs me powers me keeps me going the day I'm in this is information that I need to have I need to have what a lifetime practice means what's a lifetime practice it means every moment of every day you see the principle of this what I'm talking about building a character I can walk and talk in this state today with a lifetime practice meaning I'm doing it today I'm using the principles today for my life today. The principles are already established. They're in the character building. They're on the step. This has got to be looked at. It's got to heard over and over and over because if you find yourself out there in a freeway, if you find yourself when your mind is starting to get angry, stop and think right away. What principle are you using that makes you get angry? Stop and think. Who's telling who how to get angry and when to get angry. Did God just go through telling you to get angry? You have to look at this. It's serious. It is a life and a death proposition. This is what I told you before about being a pallbearer. For alcoholics, I worked with very, very close, men and women, and they died. But they took their own lives. And they took their lives because of this here was never, never used in the day they were in. They might have heard it. Maybe they read it, but they didn't live it. To live it means exactly why you're here right now. To learn exactly what it is you have to live, what it Is you have to do. It's your life. It'S coming from you. You're not doing it for your neighbor. If you're not doin' it for yourself, you're just not doin'. These were facts that I had to look at for myself. You know damn well I don't walk on water, but I don'T deliberately walking the day I'm in and choose to think thoughts that harms the world that harms me there's no way I'll pay that price I paid it too long too many times too long ago and I'm not going to do it anymore my Heavenly Father guarantees me all the time that no harm will come to me He'll take care of me this is an assurance now if you notice in step six to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character is a lifetime practice. That means that I don't care how long you've been here in Alcoholics Anonymous, I don'T care how Long I'VE BEEN HERE, I'M still ready right now by principle to have God help me, to be with me, so that if the thought does come, it doesn't stay, so that If the defect of character might be looked at again, I DON'T HAVE TO ENERGIZE IT, I DONT HAVE TO SUFFER FROM IT, I DONOT HAVE TO USE IT. Step 6 has to be there in its fullest form to go from 7 to 12 because 7 to12 is always about now living in alcoholics anonymous where your disease is being treated 7 to 10 7 to 11 excuse me I get a bad throat somehow in step 6 we can review some of this Step six, what I believe the main part about step six is the word to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. You see, the wording all, that's a principle. That's a truth. Everything I'm saying now, remember this, these aren't words just to say words. This is a textbook. This is telling me and showing me how to think and act. How to be guaranteed that if I'll do this, this will happen. I told you before, any page that you turn to in here, in the 12th step, I don't care what page it is. You just turn to it. I'll just flip to any page. I don' t care. It says, although all inventories are alike in principle, the time factor does distinguish one from another. There's a spot check inventory taken at any time of the day whenever we find ourselves getting tangled up. There's the one we take at the day's end when we view the happenings of the hours just past. You see, this is a direction. This is telling me what to do. This is showing me, giving me something that I can't supply by myself. There's just no way. There's no way I can do it. I can read this. I can memorize it. I can doing many things with it. But when it comes time to use it as a way of life, it can't be. It must come from a power greater than self. It must be a principle that I'm using in application. Then I can do the things that it says here. I don't even need to know how to do them. All I have to do is do them." This is true for every one of us. If you don't think so, pick a page, any page. See what it says. See what they're saying. See what that tells you. See what... see what it means to you. See what it means in principle, not just words. You know, step seven is a step... Step seven. I was in AA quite a while, some years. I was in AA for some years and another alcoholic got a hold of me and he said, you know, he said Bob, there's something missing in your life he said hear me out he said don't quarrel with what I've got to say just hear me up he said I want to talk to you about something and he says I wantto talk toyou about step 7 and he said humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings I read it wrong I read that there's something in me that God's got to take out of me this is what I thought it said and I was living in that time I was leaving that I thought all things were the same I thought 4 and 7 were the thing I thought 5, 6 and 7 were the things and they're not they're just like black is to white they're totally opposite and I never knew why but he started me out and when he started me out he started me out on a toothpick he said if there's a toothpack laying on the floor especially in your own home pick it up and I asked him why should I pick a toothpck up he said well if you don't pick it up somebody else will have to and what he was telling me is that this world is full of people it's full of a lot of other people besides me it means exactly this that shortcomings were things I should do that I don't do. Defects of character were things I do that I shouldn't do. Shortcomings were things that I fell short of. They were things they were lacking. I was not producing. Shortcomings were things than I lacked. They were thing I should and I didn't do them. I just didn't even know it. And so he started to explain to me and show me what that means. And then in step seven, The way Step 7 starts out in page 70, it says, Since this step so specifically concerns itself with humility, we should pause here to consider what humility is and what the practice of it can mean to us. Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A's twelve steps. For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all. nearly all AAs have found too that unless they develop much more of this precious quality than may be required just for sobriety they still haven't much chance of becoming truly happy. Without it, they cannot live to too much useful purpose or in adversity be able to summon a faith that can meet any emergency. You see, I didn't know I had no idea what he was talking about because of the fact that I classified everything the same way I classified things like defects of character are but humility and humbleness was something that I knew nothing of humility and humble is a character building principle that I have to build this character based on a power greater than me God because it says this it says it on 71 when it says in there that spiritual values and character building had to come first that material satisfaction wasn't the final end in the name of life. So you see, I don't know what that means. I don'T know because I started out in the beginning last night and I told you that I'm a taker. I'M A REAL TAKER. And I'LL TELL YOU THIS, YOU SHOW ME ANY ALCOHOLIC WITH ALCOHOLISM AND IT ISN'T TREATED AND I'LL SHOW YOU A TAKer. I WILL. I WILL, IT'S REALLY TRUE. AND THE REASON IT'S TRUE, IT HAS TO BE THAT WAY. and the reason it has to be that way is because of what the disease is never once did I ever think that I could do something different than I do when I was talking to you before and I told you about these guys that would panhandle or gals that would panhanddle me and then I would give them something and after I gave them something I walked away and I felt better I didn't know what that was that was a shortcoming being fulfilled I did something God wanted me to do and he gave me a good feeling about it. But you see now, this is only a beginning right now in step seven. To remove something, I thought it was something in me that had to go. Instead of that, it's the opposite. And what it talks about in the next page, it's on 72. It starts at the bottom of 71 and it says, true, most of us thought good character was desirable but obviously good character was something one needed to get on with the business of being self-satisfied. With a proper display of honesty and morality, we stand a better chance of getting what we really wanted. But whenever we had to choose between character and comfort, the character building was lost in the dust of our chase after what we thought was happiness. Seldom did we look at character building as something desirable in itself, something we would like to strive for whether our instinctual needs were met or not. We never thought of making honesty, tolerance, and true love of man and God the daily basis of living. step 7 is a step that is really a big big step it's a big step because it affects your life everywhere you go it affects your life I don't care where you go you can go somewhere where you've never been and it affects your life you can go in a room crowded with people in that dining room in there and it affects your life in there everywhere you go step seven has to be there in your life as principle this has got to be this way if it isn't this way then there's something going to be missing and what's missing is talked about here and this is all about why step seven should be you should I believe you should have meetings like we have meetings of nothing but step seven step seven all the way talking about it all the away because of what it is. Step seven is very difficult. Step seven is when you have to be a giver, not a taker. And you have to be a giber. A genuine giver. A giver that means it. This is what the principles do for you in step seven. This is going to be hard to look at sometimes. Sometimes maybe you won't even associate it to your life because of what it ist you have to do. But this is true for all of us and it goes right on and it starts to explain it. And it talks in here. It says this lack, stage 72, this lack of anchorage to any permanent value, this blindness to the true purpose of our life produced another bad result. For just as long as we were convinced that we could live exclusively by our own individual strength and intelligence, for just that long was a working faith and a higher power impossible. This was true even when we believed that God existed. we could actually have originated beliefs which remained barren because we were still trying to play God ourselves. As long as we placed self-reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a higher power was out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing. This here turned my life around. This gave me a world, and believe me, I was not in trouble that I knew of anyway. I had been sober